well I am gonna try this one again, it seems my first journal was being pigheaded
Its Monday and the freaking lawyer still hasn't sent the paperwork in. He needs all the paperwork he gave some of it back to dh on Friday and has a secretary call this afternoon at 3pm to tell him. So for the third time in a week he is going back for the paperwork. At the rate this is going 2 weeks and a 10 waiting period are taking forever, it should have started last week, but nooooooooo the paralegal screwed up again.
We all have colds. I got it first, kind of funny I only go to dr's appts and the store maybe once a week. It has been kicking my butt for a week now, and it finally hit dh and Alex. Hopefully it doesn't drag out to like it did with me. I hope I get my 401K this week too, that is also taking forever to get here, should have been here last month about a month ago. I try to call and all I get is a computer, grrrrrrrrr. Hopefully the end of the week is better then the beginning. I am sure by the weekend we will have a different window in our bedroom. Fil is replacing the siding and the windows. But it may be a week or two.
I just want my house and my car, is that too much to ask for. If this lawyer screws up our getting this house I am gonna HURT him. Don't mess with the pregnant woman.
Starting from now till the next four pages, will be my old journal.
I have been thinking about writing this for awhile so now is a good time. A little about me, my name is Shiona and I married Steve on December 14, 2000. We have a son, Alex who was born on July 17, 2001.
My life hasn't been the easiest of lifes, not like life is supposed to be easy, somtimes I just wonder why I was dealt the hand I got. My family growing up appeared to be stable, but it wouldnt' be till I grew up that I realized what a mess it really was. Dad was never home, mom was a sahm because dad was in the military, it was kind of hard for military wives to carry jobs. We moved a lot due to the military. We have lived in South Carolina, where my sister and I where both born, Maine and Rhode Island. We always ended up in New York because that is where my parents where from. I have been living in New York for the past 14 years now. I finally got a somewhat stable life in 5th grade, I didnt' have to change schools anymore and worry about making friends again. I was always horrible at making friends, I was very shy. I got to go to middle school the following year and start 6th grade, it was still hard to make friends because by than a lot of the kids had already been around each other for most of their schooling so they where not looking for new friends. I did make a couple of good friends and I finally got a best friend in 7th grade, we where in the same science class together. We where friends for a couple of year before a job transfer moved them out of state. I had two more really good friends in high school and thankfully for the most part we still stay in touch.
I graduated high school in 1995. I went on to college although at the time I wasn't sure if I wanted to continue my education. I was always a good student, was even on the National Honor Society. I just was sick of school and didn't know if I really wanted more. I did end up going to college in the fall and started the Accounting program, it was boring and I hated it, after a lot of conferences with my counslers I switched to the RN Nursing program. I loved the program but it was intense and there was trouble brewing in my family life at home and I wasn't sure if I could handle the added pressure so I dropped out. I was also taking a EMT-D class for my fire department that I was apart of and was apart of for four years. I made it through the summer and that fall my father annoucned that he was being transferred 3 hours away. My mom was all set to go and all of the sudden decided to stay. She and I stayed in the house that we rented for seven more months even though I had already rented an apartment, she didn't want to be alone so I stayed. I bought my first new/used car in March. One week later my dad came home, he was released from his job, I thought for sure my mom would freak, she didnt say a word. One week after that, my mother left my father. My life started to crumble quickly during that time. I had no place to live and my family was shattered. My mom moved in with friends till she could find a place of her own, my sister was living with her boyfriend and my father moved in with a fried of his. I ended up staying with members of the fire department, a decision I would later regret. I lived with them for the summer and moved out abruptly one day when things suddenly didn't feel right. I moved in with the people my mom had stayed with for a month before I got an apartment. I had little to no money, got behind in my bills and I wasn't eating. I was poor and I was angry. I wished my parents had let on that they were splitting up I wouldn'lt have gotten the car. It took months for my parents to come clean about their situation. My mother and found someone new as did my father. My mother met someone over the internet, which I totally blamed myself on, I was the one that showed her how to chat in the first place. My father met someone too, a man. As hard as it may be to believe it wasn't earth shattering news. I accepted it easier than my mother did and that upset her. The whole time my life was in turmoil I was not in a relationship, not that I didn't try, I just couldn't get too close to someone because I was afraid that I would get hurt. I had a couple of unmentionable relationships,lol. I did go on to marry my husband and get pregnant with my son, so it wasn't too bad
Four weeks after we got married somethings started to happen, dh got hurt at work, and he was unable to work and I was out of work for an infection so I wasn't going to be working at all either. We moved in with my inlaws and we have been here since. I had my child in a strange place and moved in with complete strangers. I had only seen my inlaws twice before we moved in. In the past 17 months I have really gotten to know them well, they are wonderful pepple and I am happy to have them in my life
I figured I should break this up a bit before my first post became a novella. Writing is really beneficial to me, it usually helps me destress and I don't have so much on my mind.
My latest has been the ever present saga of my husbands family, his extended family that is. I really don't know what the deal is with them and dh really doesn't like to talk about them too much. I have met the whole family once and his gramma and aunt an additional time after I had the baby.
Dh's cousin got married yesterday, and we where not able to attend for a few reasons. The first is very obvious, we have a 1 year old who isn't a social butterfly. The second, we didn't have the extra money to make an out of town trip, it is four hours away and because of the feelings about his family dh wanted to stay in a motel. The third reason being that dh had back surgery back in April and has not taken a car trip yet,prior to surgery he needed at least a day to recover before returning home and it wasn't an option. My inlaws did attend the wedding and came home and told us that everyone was asking why we wheren't there. My dh was very upset by this. His gramma wants him to send his cousin a card, which I planned on doing anyways, she said that we didn't need to send any money just a card, that was nice of her eh? His cousin was upset that we weren't there. Yet as I think back to last year at the babyshower that we did attend his cousin wasn't very chatty at all. He hasn't called to talk to dh since than nor has dh called him. Dh doesn't like the woman he married, that is a story in itself. So now because we didn't attend his wedding his feelings are hurt. I don't understand his family, probably never will. I would have thought that they would have understood that dh would have a hard time traveling because of his back. Dh was more upset because his gramma wants us to send a card and yet when dh had major surgery no one called but his gramma. She said she would send him a card, it has been a few months now, the card really is a moot thing by now. His family really hasn't treated me very warmly in the two times that I met them, I think they saw me as the incubator for the first Butler heir. The whole family is odd and I don't understand them, guess I never will, I just had to get a few things off my chest.
What a fun filled day for me, I spent five hours at the drs' office and I had intended on going just so I could get some bloodwork ordered for my thyroid. I ended up at the hospital getting a sonogram for the mysterious pains that I have been having for months. The doctor was palpating my abdomen and I just about left the table it hurt so bad. He asked if it hurt and how long it has been like that, I told him it had been a few weeks, he looked concerned and wanted a sonogram and for me to see a specialsit. I had my sonogram and they found a bunch of tiny gall stones, nothing huge. I go to the specialist on Friday to see what kind of treatment I will get, I am hoping for medicine and not surgery. I had my blood tests and a few other tests and hopefully they come out okay. I hate going to the drs and they always find something, ugh. I did get to use my new insurance, it was nice not having a huge copay, and boy did I get my monies worth this time. I didn't get to eat till almost 7pm tonight because of all the dumb tests so my stomach was growling the whole time I was having the sono, which lastes almost an hour. I had a student doing the sono and she was having a hard time so she had to have someone come in and help her. I don't really mind the students, I was one myself, and everyone has to learn sometime.
I am still in the process of trying to find a place for us to live when we move, if not now I will have to look when we go upstate. I need to go through our stuff again before Thursday to see what else we can throw away. Dh's uncle is gonna see if he can get us a deal on a ryder truck when we move, that truck is gonna cost us a pretty penny. I also have to replace the rotors on my car, city driving is really rough on brakes I found out. I will make sure that this time they are quality and not the cheap ones that the dealership put on.
Not much else going on today, seeing as the dr's office visit was my day today.
Well I am still feeling like crud, I had a headache all day. I went to walmart and walked around for two hours just looking at things that I want to buy when we move, like dishes and new bedding and fabric. I had to get a few things for Alex he needed some wipes and milk. I can't believe that there are fall/winter clothes out already, if I knew that we would be here I would put some clothes on layaway. I also need to figure out what I am doing with Christmas this year, I really need to start on that. Dh and I also need some new clothing and I will need some if I get to go back to work. I really want to work, but I am torn too, I don't want to leave Alex with a stranger, I have a few possiblities, I have been looking into at home work that I could possibly do. We should be getting a new computer for dh's schooling so that would be a major help. I keep looking for stuff so hopefully something will come up. I would love to find some typing work, I have gotten pretty good with it and I did take some classes and I could put them to use. I just feel like I am rambling a lot so I will stop now, I have something on my mind right now and I dont know what to think about that right now
Well I don't have that stuff on my mind anymore I got Af this afternoon finally I was only a day late but I am usually on time. She hasn't been as painful lately, wonder whats going on with that? I have noticed some other things so I will have to keep an eye on that. I need to go and schedule a follow up pap smear from the one that I had back in November. I also need to have prescriptions refilled and such, I am just waiting for results from my blood testing on Monday. I have to go and see the gastroentorologist on Friday, woohoo!
Dh had his evaluation today and they want at least 12 more sessions with us, so I am not sure if he is gonna be able to go to school or what. He has been going three times a week right now and he isn't where they need him to be. He won't be six months post op till September 15. He also had to see his neurosurgeon today too. The dr told him that he will need to see drs' for awhile to come, his final visit with the neursurgeon will be on August 6. His dr wants him to see a Pain Management Specialist, dh has little pain tolerance and he is gonna need some extra help, right now he is taking stuff that would knock a normal person out, trust me on this one He has one more stop to go but Oxycontin is a serious drug and it is very addictive and it wouldn't take much for him to be addicted to it. He also needs to get an approval from compensation so he can see a psychairtrist for his emotional state since the injury and his surgery, that should be like pulling teeth, he has already seen the IE so the IE's report was favorable towards dh. He really needs the help so I hope he can get some.
Alex is a stinker like always He is perfecting his climbing skills and has a preferred place to sit...on the back of the couch. He goes from the couch to the cable box and flicks that on and off, he could do it all day if you let him, once he gets tired of that he goes onto the fireplace and tries to get into that. He is doing great as far as his walking is going. He is getting braver and braver and is walking more and more. He also seems to be slowing down on his naps but taking one longer nap, so now instead of two hour and a half naps he takes one three hour nap in the middle of the day. Its different I was used to getting dressed and cleaning up in the first nap time and relaxing in the second nap, oh well. I still have no real appetite but it is good, my willpower isn't fading and I really don't have to worry about going off the deep end I just am not hungary. I am for the most part feeling pretty good, I wonder if I can get a skin transplant, there isn't much of my torso that isn't stretch marked, thanks to my rapid weight gain with my pregnancy. I now know that I will be watching myself a heck of a lot more during the next pregnancy. I wonder when that one will be?
Today was beautiful, it was perfect weather, nice and breezy. I made Alex's cake today just in case it gets hot again so I won't have to heat up the house. I just have to remember to put it in the freezer till Tuesday. I put together his birthday present tonight, I couldn't help myself. Alex loved "helping" me put it together, he was more interested in the handle bars than anything else.
We went to the furniture store today to look at couches, I don't know what we are gonna do there. Dh doesn't want anything too expensive, but he is looking at cheap and nasty furniture. I want something that is gonna last a while and gonna go through a few possible decorating changes. I found a few that I like, one is a floral couch with plaid pillows and the other was a hunter green chenille with some funky pillows, I am leaning towards the hunter green that way I can just change out the pillows to change the look of the couch. We also looked at some furniture for Alex's room, when the time comes I would like to get bunkbeds for him. If we only have one boy thats fine, at least when he has sleep over, his friends will have a place to sleep. The bed could also be removed too. It has a built in desk on one side and shelves on the other. I would have loved a bed like that when I was little.
I have my appointment with the gastro specialist tomorrow, I wonder what is gonna happen with that, I have never been to one before. I also made Alex's one year appointment with the pediatrician. It's a good thing that we are still living with the inlaws, mil is gonna have to watch Alex tomorrow, dh and I have appts at the same time across town from each other. On Monday, mil will be coming with me to Alex's appointment. I can't believe it, My baby is almost one!
went to the drs today, and I get to have an endoscopy, yippee, nothing like having a tube down my throat. I even get to have it on my hubbys birthday, what a nice surprise! The thing that sucks is that I have to have a follow up two weeks later, and hopefully by than we will have moved, but it will be four hours away! He gave me some pills for my stomach acid, and that is supposed to help with my nausea.
Good news on the house looking front! We called about a trailer and it is right near my grammas. We will be looking at it next weekend when we go up. Not much else going on here. I am trying to figure out what to do about working, do I want to go back to work or stay at home and babysit?
I guess it all depends on if we get the trailer, it will be out in the country and private, but dh isn't too thrilled with the fact that we won't have cable, I will just have to see what a dish will cost us.
I don't want to get my hopes up, but I so do, this is what we are looking for, but I have probably jinxed myself now. Oh well there are more places out there
I am starting to think that I should have never gone to the drs on Monday. I got my test results from my cholesterol test, and now I have to go to a dietician. I had a slightly elevated level back in November when I had my physical. I am thinking that maybe my levels are elevated again because of my thyroid levels being off. I am thinking about holding off on the endoscopy and wait till we move upstate and have a dr up there do it that way we don't have to keep taking four hour trips to get checkups. I avoided it for a year and a half and now that we are almost out of her I am stuck with a whole bunch of drs. I hope that I still get my thyroid results that was the main reason for my visit and I didn't get those results yet. Talk about a pain in the hiney. Dh has to wait for more p/t sessions, comp has to approve more of them, and hopefully we can't get a p/t upstate.
I have such a headache, have no idea why, I have eaten, I am not looking forward to the weather this week, it is supposed to be hot again. I am glad that I made Alex's cake earlier so I don't have to heat up the house, I just have to remember to take it out on Wednesday morning. The weekend has been quiet and and I don't have an idea what we will be doing this week, I know that we will be going upstate Saturday afternoon or so to visit and find a place to live. That should be fun.
Ever have one of those days where you shouldn't have gotten out of bed? I have had one like that today. The mail sucked today, although I did get my cup from the Pg.org luau, its really cool, too bad I dropped it on the floor two minutes after I had it, I broke the bottom off, but its still okay. Dh got a letter in the mail that they adjusted his TAP from 1200 to 250 because they used his parents income to determine his income. He called and they told him because we got married late in 2000(December) it didn't count. HUH? I don't understand I thought it was taken from the previous years taxes, not two years ago, so once again, because a parent makes more, we get screwed. Hopefully it still shouldn't cost us anything...for now, but now we have to take the additional loan, so he can go. What a pain in the butt.
I have been sort of bummed all day, it was a year ago tonight that my labor started with Alex,and now I have a one year old. I can remember it like it was yesterday, I remember the three days before he was born like they just happened. I thought I would be happy that he was growing up and now here I am feeling sad. We will be ttc as soon as my pills are gone, only two more packs to go, well more like one and half, and we will be ttc another addition to the family. I am getting excited and nervous, I really want to move, but I hate just hanging waiting for a decision. Hopefully I will know more tomorrow, we need the money to go upstate with to be able to get a place to live and secure it. It would also be nice to be able to get our stuff out of storage so that we dont' have to pay that anymore. Well here's hoping!
Today is my babys first birthday, I couldn't write last night because the computer wouldn't let me I talked with my mom for a few minutes last night and she had enough information to blow me over. The first thing is that one of her coworkers found out on Monday that she has stage 3 breast cancer. She will be having a mastectomy and a lumpectomy, the cancer has spread to her lymph nodes already. She had a biopsy done last Thursday and the drs' told her husband that it looked like cancer, but not to tell her, like that isn't a lot of pressure. My mom tells me that she found it months ago and put it off, and now her lump is the size of a pinkie finger. If anything it has made me realize that I should be more regular with my breast exams, and if I do find something to not wait about it.
Moms next news was to tell me that a local business man hung himself last night. I don't think it would have bothered me as much but I knew the man, he used to be a customer in a store that I had worked at for 6 years. He left a wife and three kids behind. Mom said that there was an MVA 15 minutes before that call and I wonder if maybe he had a scanner in his house and heard it and knew that no one would be able to get there soon enough so he did it than. It makes me wonder what in life can be so bad that you chose to remove yourself from it?
The next news was a little lightening. In the same store that I worked was a woman that wasn't very popular with the customers, she has a heart of stone. I felt bad for the customers that bounced checks or had to use public assistance, she always talked bab about them. Anyways a customer came in an was using WIC and I guess she finally said something to the wrong person and they started fighting in the store and I guess the even knocked over the ATM machine, and those babies are heavy. I told my mom that I am sure that no one pulled the customer off her either. The store owner felt bad about it and went and apologized to the customer.
We only have a few days left before we go upstate to look for a place to live, dh thinks that the trailer is gone already ,because the ad is gone, but I am trying to be optimistic about it, the guy did say he would call if anything came up with it, so maybe he only ran the ad for one week?????
Well things are slowly falling into place for our move and hopefully they all run smoothly.