I've just heard a song on the radio that I haven't heard for a few years. When it first came out I thought it was crap, but the more I heard it the more I liked it. Now I have found the lyrics and to be honest, it gives some decent advice. Here's the lyrics:
Ladies and gentlemen, of the class of '99.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it.
The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.
I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth.
Oh, never mind.
You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded.
But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked.
You are not as fat as you imagine.
Don't worry about the future.
Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum.
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind.
The kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing every day that scares you.
Don't be reckless with other people's hearts.
Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Don't waste your time on jealousy.
Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind.
The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.
Remember compliments you receive.
Forget the insults.
If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters.
Throw away your old bank statements.
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life.
The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives.
Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.
Get plenty of calcium.
Be kind to your knees.
You'll miss them when they're gone.
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't.
Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't.
Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary.
Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either.
Your choices are half chance.
So are everybody else's.
Enjoy your body.
Use it every way you can.
Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it.
It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.
Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.
Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.
Do not read beauty magazines.
They will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents.
You never know when they'll be gone for good.
Be nice to your siblings.
They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard.
Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Accept certain inalienable truths:
Prices will rise.
Politicians will philander.
You, too, will get old.
And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don't expect anyone else to support you.
Maybe you have a trust fund.
Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse.
But you never know when either one might run out.
Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it.
Advice is a form of nostalgia.
Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.
I had an absolutely awful day yesterday. I felt like the worst mother in the whole of England, no, make that the world.
My day started at 5.50am when I heard Connor thunder across the landing and fling himself into our bed. Since we put him in a bed, he has been getting up earlier and earlier. I guess that it's just that as he could get out of bed, he did. But him getting up that early came as as shock as Connor used to get up at about 8.30.
Then Mark went off to work and my day went downhill from there. I swear that Connor saves all of his naughtiest behaviour for when he is solely at home with me. Everything I asked/told him to do was ignored to the point where I spent my whole time shouting at him. At one point I looked at him and thought "I hate you, life would be so much simpler without you" Then while Connor was having his lunch, he wouldn't sit still and nearly knocked all the crocks off the table. I lost my rag with him and got him down from the table and told him to go inside (we were eating outside). Well, he then tripped over the broom, which he left lying around and fell over. I didn't even get up and carried on reading my magazine. The connor turned around and I could see that he had bashed his chin on the step. Although I got up and comforted him, I felt nothing, except anger. The rest of the day wasn't too bad as Connor slept for 3 hours. When Mark came home from work, I told him that I wanted to auction Connor on ebay to see how much I can get for him.
Now don't get me wrong. I feel totally awful today about the things that I thought about Connor yesterday and I really do love him more than anything else in the world. I was so tempted to call social services on myself yesterday, not that I have done anything to hurt him, but I was started to get worried that I might get mad enough to do something. As much as I love Connor, I have found that I am always so angry with him these days, and it makes me wonder why I am even bothering to contemplate having another baby, when I'm obviously not coping very well with the one that I have. And what really gets to me is that he is always so well behaved for everyone else, and they all rave to me about what a good boy he is and then they look at me funny when I reply "is he? I used to think so".
Anyway, today has been much better. I put Connor back in his cot last night. Although he didn't have a problem sleeping in his bed, until he is old enough to understand that it is not acceptable to wake others up until maybe 7.30, then he can stay in his cot as he can't get out and he seems to sleep later in there anyway. As an example, although Connor was awake at 7.30, we didn't have to get him up until 8.45 as he plays happily in there with the various toys that I leave on the side for him. Today has been a day full of kisses and cuddles, singing and dancing and tickle fights!
But although we are having a good day, I still can't wait to go back to work tomorrow
Anyway, going to make myself a drink while he is asleep.
It's been such a long time since I last wrote in this journal that I totally expected to have to drag it out from the dark, dank corners of page 3, but was pleasantly surprised to find it on page 2!
I can't believe what a bad time I was having when I last wrote. All I can say is: what a difference a holiday with your husband and child can make! We got back from spending a week at the beach last night. We all had a great time, especially Connor. I so wished that we lived closer to the sea side. As I said in my last post, all that Mark & I seem to do at the moment is shout at Connor, but while we were spending time at the beach he was so good and it was nice to just let him run around and do what he wanted because he wasn't doing anything that was going to wreck the place or hurt himself or anyone else. I'm already counting the weeks until we go to Menorca in sept, only 14 weeks to go!!!!!!!!
As for everything else, I'm just pottering along. Strange how things don't seem to change. I'm due back in work at 8am tomorrow. Mark and I are getting along just fine (he's back at work today) and I am slowly disappearing under a mountain of washing!! speaking of washing, the next load is ready to go out on the line, so gotta go...
OMG! I just suddenly remembered that I haven't updated my journal for a while and then suddenly realised that I haven't broadcast my newsflash here... I'M PREGNANT!!!
I found out on Tuesday, but have been very nervous because AF isn't due until sunday. I'm sure that I won't feel so paranoid when AF doesn't show up!!
As for everything else, not much to report. Connor has been pretty good. We are due to have some family portraits done at the end of the month, which I'm hoping turn out alright as we don't have a single proper portrait of the 3 of us together. We also plan on having our bathroom re-fitted sometime this month or next, which I can't wait for as we don't have a shower at the moment.
I am terrible at this journal stuff! I must make more of an effort to update this thing more often.
It seems so starnge to read back my last entry and see how happy I was, unfortunaltely, things have not gone well since my last post.
On August 6th, Mark & I found out that our little Boo had become a . We are both struggling to come to terms with our loss, but are trying to remain somewhat positve that we will have another of our own in the not to distant future.
At the moment I feel pretty much like ****e. I don't want to do anything or be with anyone (apart from Connor that is). Mark is starting to get on my nerves, which isn't fair to him, as he lost a baby as well, but he is dealing with it in his own way. He keeps going on about this outdoor music festival that we are going to on sunday, and how it's going to be fun?? I don't now how he figures that it is going to be fun for me, just 5 days after my D&C??? The bastard obviously needs a kick up the ***....
Anyway, my Harry Potter book is calling me. I brought it to read when I was in the hospital, but I may as well read a bit more of it while my little man is taking a nap!
Ok, I need to start a new journal as I am no longer TTC or PG, and then I remembered that I used to have a general journal, and after looking through all the pages, finally found it on page 5 of 6!!!
Anyway, alot has happened in the year that it has been since I last wrote in this journal. We did start TTC in June 2003 after AF left and got pg in our first month of trying. Unfortunately, it wasn't meant to be and we lost our little "Boo" on Aug 12th. After my D&C I was told to wait 3 months, but we didn't take the dr's advice. We waited until after the first visit from AF. Ovulation occured while we were on holiday in Menorca at the begining of oct 2003. I found out on 13th October that I was pg again. We were over the moon, but naturally very cautious after our m/c. We had an early scan at 6 weeks which showed a baby and a heartbeat. At our 20 week scan we found out that we were having another boy, a little brother for Connor. Then on 22nd June this year, my second beautiful son arrived into this world.
Now that I have got all that out of the way, I can come right up to date. I have copied the next bit from the June board as it is very difficult to type one handed! This happened on Wed, 7th July:
Originally Posted by connorsmum
Well, we went to the hospital today to have some blood tests done for his jaundice. The staff at the hospital were lovely. As we had to go the the ped assessment unit, we were put in a side room as the staff didn't want Jamie to catch any germs. They did all the normal checks, temp, pulse, listened to his chest and weight. Then they took his bloods. Unfortunately they tried from one hand but couldn't get any blood, so they had to stick the other hand as well, he was so upset, it was hard to watch. Then I was told that they need a urine sample. DO you know how hard it is to get a urine sample from a 15 day old baby???!!!!! Jamie is not one to pee when you take his nappy off (although he did do 2 explosive pooh's! That's my boy!), plus he had pee'd when he had the blood test done. I had to wait for just over an hour as he fell asleep!!
Anyway, some of his results came back and although his levels are very high for his age, they were just below the cut off point, so we don't need to get any treatment for him.
Better go, it's been a stressful day, Mark went back to work this morning, but at least Connor was with my grandparents. Anyway, Jamie is starting to moan a bit, better go and give him some love!!
Yesterday was my first day at home with both of my boys and everything went really well, they even both had an afternoon nap at the same time! Today has been pretty much the same up until an hour and a half ago, when Jamie started crying, which soon progressed to screaming. I could hardly console him. When he did calm down, he would make a funny noise in the back of his throat, start breathing funny and then start crying all over again. I am starting to suspect silent reflux, but will mention all this to the health visitor when she comes to visit Jamie on monday.
Anyway, going to go as my arm is aching from one handed typing! But before I go, I want to share some photo's!! The first 2 were taken last night, one of connor helping me bath Jamie and one of Jamie with a paci (it has taken 2 weeks to find one the he likes, but he still won't take it until after his bath!). The other 3 were taken today:
Jamie with yellow eyes from his jaundice:
Look how he has grown!
Jamie is trying so hard to master smiling!! He definately look amused about something!!
Dh and I took Connor to visit the nursery that he is due to go to in september. It was quite funny as he sat with his hands over his ears for the first 10 minutes, then he started to paly with all the toys with the other kids (who incidentally all looked much bigger than him!). He wouldn't help to tidy the toys away, but I was told not to worry as that is something that they do teach them within thier first 6 weeks in nursery and I CAN'T WAIT!!!
We then rushed back as the health visitor said that she would visit at 11 as Jamie needed to be weighed and have a jaundice check. We got back to the house at 10.50am and she had already been and gone and we have had to reschedule to Friday.
Then I took Jamie to see the osteopath while dh & connor went to the supermarket. I explained that Jamie is sleeping better and seems to know night from day (can't complain there!!) but that he has been quite fussy again from friday. I also told her about Jamies tendancy to chock at the breast, and the episodes where he gags and then stops breathing. She did some manipulations on him and I am to keep a close eye on him for the next week and then go back for his third treatment next monday, where she may have to manipulate his palate if he is still choking and gagging.
Now, I have just heard some bad news. I am a civil servant and work for the government in the department of work and pensions. The chancillor has announced the government spending plan for the next few years and it turns out that to fund all the changes that he has planned, he wants to axe 84000 civil sevant jobs in England and over 100,000 over the whole of the UK by 2008. Now I am not sure what to do, as I was planning on returning to work after xmas, but may not have a job to go back to. I can't decide if I should start looking for something else now as we can't afford to live on dh's wage alone, or hang fire and wait and see what happens. The problem is that they have every right to make me redundant whilst on maternity leave, and that there isn't anythig that I can do about it.
Anyway, have to run as Connor has just woke up......
Am really tired, Jamie woke up at about 4.30 and cried for ages, then I fed him and he went back to sleep until 7am and then was crying inconsolably again. In the end, I took him out for a walk in his pushchair BEFORE 7.30am!!! I must be mad.....
I told Mark that vegetable stir fry would upset Jamies tummy and he didn't believe me, I bet that he does now!!!
I might come back and update later. I am supposed to be going with mark to his mothers but don't want to, so may take Jamie on the train to see my work place....
We did go to Mark's parents house on Tuesday and I wished that we hadn't bothered. I don't know why, but I swear that my MIL goes out of her way to piss me off. The first words out of her mouth were about how yellow Jamie still is and asked what I could do to help him get rid of it. I told her that the only way to get rid of it quickly would be to give him formula, to which she told me that would be for the best. WTF??? Who's baby is he? I did tell her in no uncertain terms that as the jaundice wasn't hurting him that I WILL carry on breast feeding unless instructed otherwise by a MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL. It just annoys me that she is trying to insinuate that as she bottled fed both of her children and they didn't have jaundice that it is the best thing to do. I don't think that I will be going back there for a while anyway, not until she can learn to keep her opinions to herself.
Yesterday was a nice day. Connor, Jamie and I spent the day with my grandparents. They cooked us a nice lunch, which is great as trying to cook with 2 children is more difficult than I anticipated. Although I did feel a bit bd when I came home and looked at how messy my house has become, but to be honest, keeping my children clean and fed, and then maybe, if I have time, grab a shower for myself comes in as higher priorities!!!
This morning I have had to get another urine sample from Jamie to send to the hospital, but I don't know what they want it for as the message that they wanted a new one, came via my dr's receptionist. So there we were this morning running around like headless chickens because the couriour comes to collect all samples at 10.30 am. Jamie did cut it fine, by not producing until nearly 10am, and then I had to feed him, get Connor dressed and then catch the bus to the dr's!!! We did make it though.
Have to cut this short as the phone ringing has woke Jamie and he's screaming for some attention.
Just quickly, here's some pics that I took yesterday:
I really need to vent. It seems that everything is going wrong for us at the moment.
I have just found out that one of my neighbours has oppossed our application to build an extension on our house. This doesn't mean that we won't be able to go ahead, but it will definately hold things up, possibly for several weeks/months.
Then I have spent the last few days chasing Jamies appointment to go back to the hospital about his murmur, nobody seems to know anything about it.
Last week, the hospital had asked for a urine sample from Jamie. I rang up for the results yesterday to be told that they couldn't find them. Then we got a phone call this morning to say that they found them and it shows an infection, but they think the sample may have been contaminated, so they want me to take him in this afternoon so they can insert a catherter (SP?) and get a clean sample that way. I really don't want to watch my poor baby go through more pain at the hospital, but dh can't come as he will be at home with Connor. And to top it all of, we still don't have an appointment to check on his murmur.
Jamie's fussiness is still here. When I took him to the osteopath yesterday, she said that he has some trauma in his sacrum which isn't really causing him any problems, but he has something similar to a trapped nerve at the base of his head. Jamie screamed the place down every time she tried to manipulate his head. She said that it would be quite painful for a baby and would feel like he has a constant headache. We are hoping that he is asleep at next weeks treatment, so that she can concentrate on his head. It is such a shame, as he is the most wonderful baby when he is awake, feed and not in pain. He is so alert and smiley. I just don't want him to be in pain anymore.
The only good thing to happen is that I took Jamie to be weighed today and he has put on 7.5 oz since friday, so it seems that bf'ing s going well this time! That puts him up to 9lb 13oz.
Oh, and another good thing that happened, was that Jamie only woke once for a feed last night at 4am. He then woke for his next feed at 7.30. I can cope with that!