Did NOT want to get up to go to work this morning - I hate Mondays. Mainly it's because I didn't do enough work over the weekend to make sure I was ready for the day, but there are times I just really resent the fact that as a teacher I have enough work for me to just keep going all day every day, and I never get anything finished. I wrote a to-do list this morning - an A4 page of small handwriting. And I didn't get a chance to do any of it!
It doesn't help that we've got to re-plan all the A-level teaching because of the boards' stupid new system. We're going from teaching 4 texts a year to 6, without any more teaching time. And additionally 40% of the syllabus is now coursework (thought they wanted to move away from coursework?) so now we're assessing 40% of the grade and presumably the exam boards have to do considerably less? Even more oddly, from 3 papers for 4 texts its now 2 papers (1 of which we assess as coursework) for 6 texts... So the kids have to discuss 4 texts in one 2 hour paper! This means if they want to retake, they virtually have to relearn the entire course. The worst thing is that given how crap and inaccurate the marking is, there aren't 3 papers to balance it out over - if the board messes up, that's it!
I'm so cross about it... It's one more thing about teaching that ticks me off! I honestly don't know how long I can stick it... Which is terrible, because I love the kids. Love the kids, hate the system. No wonder teaching's in crisis.
(Aw cute - my cats are washing each other!)
Had another real twinge of pro-baby feeling today... I haven't given up hope yet that DH will give in! I would LOVE IT if my two friends and me were all briefly pregnant at the same time...
Right. Must mark essays.
Ok, so I was surprised that a few people appear to be reading this! And for the record here are some pictures of important stuff...
Antigone (Tiggy) and Persephone (Sephy)
DH and me at our wedding August 04
My niece and me at the wedding (shows dress off quite well!)
Very busy day today - free lessons all morning so spent the time polishing off marking and admin. I had a training session on a computer programme we're using as well.
Nothing very exciting then! DH is back in a bit, not too late tonight, so we'll actually get some time together which is nice! Cats have gone out stalking imaginary animals (they can't get real ones!) so all is quiet for the moment.
Had a very funny moment today. I have a foundation year 11 group whose talents lie in other places than academia. They are really really sweet. They're studying Of Mice and Men and at the end of today's lesson I told them what we'd be doing tomorrow...
Me: Ok, so tomorrow we're going to start looking in more detail at the themes, and we'll be talking a lot about dreams and the American Dream
BB: Is that like that dream that black guy made a speech about?
TM: Yeah! Luther Vandross...
I fell about laughing...
Otherwise no exciting changes to report. DH has already moved towards alternative BC now the pill's out of the way, so no progress there :-( Feel a bit sad, really.
Ok, need to say it somewhere, and here's as good a place as any...
I really want to start a family. I never thought I'd start wanting it this much. It's really weird. And I feel bad for feeling low - there are so many more desperate people with much bigger problems than I have.
So like many people I am going to sort myself out and be patient. But admitting you feel something is a good step toward sorting that feeling.
Haven't posted for a couple of days due to busy-ness! Had a black-tie dinner last night with lots of friends, in Cambridge, and was out socialising until 2:30am! I am completely exhausted now (and a bit hungover...)
This morning went to the Christmas Craft Fair at Wimpole Hall (local NT property) which was nice. Had some very nice stuff - bought a couple of presents. Also went to Burwash Manor, which is a collection of little, odd, shops; included a really fabulous womenswear shop selling among other things extremely beautiful cashmere cardigans that I can't afford to buy!
Nothing has shown up on the OPKs yet but yesterday I did have (TMI coming up) the most DISGUSTING CM I've ever seen (just didn't happen while I was on the BCP). It was literally like I had the foulest cold ever and had sneezed into the loo paper. Utterly amazing! It was so thick when it came through it felt like I was having AF. I'm not sure what that means from an ovulation point of view but I'll look to see if anything comes up on the OPKs today and tomorrow - might do a bit of extra testing.
No news from DH yet on TTC, but the rest of life is ok. Had a long chat to a rather sad old friend yesterday and I think I helped him feel a bit better, which was nice. He's broken up with his girlfriend of a few years - she ended it, two weeks after they moved in together...
I must make more effort to keep in touch with everyone.
It would be so nice to be trying for a baby over Christmas. I wonder if we'll get to that...
There was definitely a line on the OPK this afternoon. So much so I redid it later and it was darker. Not dark enough yet that the surge is there but it looks like it could be on the way. If that's the case I'd be ovulating dead on the time I should have done, if the old cycles were real rather than BCPed: Day 14 of a 29 day cycle.
I'm going to test again later and again in the morning (although obviously not FMU) to see if the line is dark enough to confirm the LH surge. If so, that is really promising, I think. I'd hope that suggests it shouldn't take too long to return to normal - although I won't get my hopes up too much!
Anyway, coupled with the icky mucus yesterday this is all looking quite good at the moment. Even if we're not going to TTC just yet I'd still like to know things are working as they should...
Hoorah! Checked again last night and test line was definitely as dark as the control line. So that suggests I'm definitely about to O. And that would be about today I guess, which is day 15... (meant that yesterday - 14 was the positive result on the OPK) so for the moment at least everything seems to be working! Will be interesting to see if that continues next cycle - I assume AF will be as expected this month given when I've Oed...
Still haven't convinced the DH yet though. Have tried to go for BD spontaneity, but he's not playing the game. Won't go for it at all without some form of protection, however into it we are :-(
So I think I will have to sit him down and have the discussion about it.
Well, had a conversation with DH yesterday - and there was progress!
He has two concerns about pregnancy:
1) We are always knackered, and often too tired for sex - he's worried a baby would make this worse. I think part of the problem has been being on the pill, which seems to have killed my sex drive. Certainly in the last few weeks I've felt much more responsive and this is all good. Having children will definitely make a difference at first - but we know we are strong enough to survive without sex for the healing time afterwards, and from then on people do manage to get their sex lives back to normal!
2) I suffered from depression last year and got off the medication this summer. He's concerned that the emotional upheaval will be too much. I think this is going to be an issue whenever it happens (my mum was hospitalised with PPD) and now I've had it once I know the symptoms and can act if I need to.
So actually I was rather touched at the sensible concerns and the fact this wasn't just a blanket no. I think we can work with this...
Anyway we're off to London tomorrow because DFIL is getting his MBE!!! It's very exciting. DH is actually going to the ceremony and will see his dad meet the Queen - I am just going to the family lunch afterwards. But still, very exciting!
MBE ceremony was very nice apparently, and I enjoyed dinner with everyone! I was in the privileged position of being chosen by my niece to sit next to her - and was then presented with my own 'award': an AofAV, or the Award for being Auntie Vicki! Clearly a very limited group able to achieve that! She's cute, and a budding genius (she told us quite seriously and with total comprehension that 'air is a colourless gas'. She was 3 and a half...)
DH is very very stressed as he can't decide whether or not to take a new job he's been offered. Work is hard for both of us (teaching's a nightmare in the run-up to Christmas) and so I'm not planning on broaching the TTC question again just for the moment. It's not really relevant for a week or two anyway - I'm on CD18, reckon I ovulated a few days ago, and so there's a bit to go before we try. I would so like to have an EDD for September, but I'm not sure how possible that's going to be. For a start my cycle needs to settle and then I need to convince DH and then we'd need to fall pg first go - all seems rather unlikely. Still I live in hope! Fingers crossed all settled and DH calms down...