I'm 27 and my DH and I have been married for just over three years. At this point he is still very vague about starting to TTC, but I know that this is something I want to do. He hasn't vetoed it yet, so we're at the point where I'm going to try to push to start trying (or at least stop not trying!)
One of my best friends is pregnant, the other has a nine month old, so babies are cropping up all around - if I'm honest, whilst I don't want to be thinking "you have a baby so I'd better have one too" it does bring it home to me that I really want to start a family, and soon. Also my grandad died a few weeks ago and something in me wants to get the next generation rolling.
I finished my current pill packet yesterday, and tentatively in the past have broached the idea with DH of stopping at the end of this one. He hasn't committed to that yet, BUT this weekend (ie tomorrow!) I intend to tell him I don't want to continue. So this is a bit of a turning point. It could be that after this weekend I am getting ready to TTC; it could be that a DH veto puts me back on the pill. My fingers are tightly crossed...
We went to a wedding yesterday, just for the evening, and we were therefore both in a happy mood. I brought up the issue of stopping the BCP (and really, given the number of negative comments I've read on here, I wish I'd done it ages ago!) and DH agreed that I could stop
However... I don't think he's quite ready yet to go any further forward, so I'm going to wait for my cycle to settle and let things happen. He did say 'there are other ways to stop getting pregnant' which doesn't bode well, but I reckon once the BCP issue is out of the way he will make up his mind soon that conceiving would be quite nice, really! I'm just going to keep my fingers crossed, keep counting days, and see how the cycles recur. With any luck, by the end of December it'll be ok and we can let it happen!
I've also been having fun playing with photobucket and adding things to my sig, so hopefully I can really enjoy using the boards! But I now ought to do some work...
AF is here with a vengeance today... CD2 and nasty cramps and other yuckiness. That's my biggest worry about going off BCP: the cramps. It was always TERRIBLE before I went on the pill (I used to faint in the school corridors!) so I hope it's not going to go back to that. All the more reason to hope that with DH's agreement I can get pregnant quickly, I guess.
I'm still nervous about bringing up that question fully. I guess I don't want him to say no, so I'm waiting as late as possible to see if that helps him come to a positive decision! Goodness knows if that will work. If by the middle of December I've had at least one cycle, then I think it will be possible to encourage him to let it happen. Oh, I sound like such a broken record! At least he knows how I feel.
Right now one of my cats (Persephone - the other one is Antigone) is sitting curled up on my lap, which is quite nice. But I am now thinking I ought to go and do some work - still have loads to do and it's now half six!!!
Better cut and run and get on I guess...
Tomorrow I must post some photos of the cats, and try to think about something else other than babies.
Nearly had a massive disaster at work today - my GCSE fast-track group's folder, containing ALL their coursework, were in a bin bag about to be thrown out! I cannot even begin to consider what a nightmare that would have been had they gone. I was really angry because my boss said I shouldn't have left them in the English office because it wasn't safe: it's the departmental office, for goodness sake! How could it not be a safe place? How was I supposed to know other people would decide to clear stuff away indiscriminately? Honestly... Sometimes I despair at work. I wish I knew when we were planning to pregnant so I could think about whether it's worth moving somewhere else - everything at my school is SO disorganised, it's just constantly stressful.
Anyway, I was going to post some photos of my cats, but as of yet I haven't worked out how to do that, so I'll save it for another day!
Still desperate to start TTC. The more I look around the site, the more keen I am. I KNOW I can be as good a parent as anyone can be, and I really want to see DH as a Dad - he'll be great. But, patience is a virtue I guess... Maybe one day soon we'll get there.
Another day, another lazy evening - wish I could find some motivation! In a minute I'm going to go off and mark some essays...
Currently watching Trinny and Susannah and being highly amused by the women with the wrong bra size - how can they not know it's that far out? Surely it must HURT! Actually, I'm never sure I'm right, except for the fact that I can't POSSIBLY be any bigger than my bra size - I'm 27, 5'2" and a (wait for it)... 28F!!!!! At one stage I was a 32DD, but I seem to have refined my size to something truly frightening! I mean really, I have no back, and I'm all boob. I'm hoping if I lose some weight that they'll go down a bit...
Interesting aside on that is of course what will happen to them if I get pregnant?! My friend who varies according to her time of the month from an F to H, got up to a K in her maternity bra size. A K!!!!! Does that even exist in the real world? These are letters that should only ever be found in the alphabet!
Here we are again. Work today not too bad with Year 11 doing their usual friendly idleness - "Oh Miss, do we have to do any work? It's not very exciting" - and most other classes ok.
Hilariously, I wore an empire line dress today and someone asked me if I was expecting. Not good as far as weight is concerned (do I really look that fat?!) but rather amusing as I kept thinking 'I wish I was!'.
It's really interesting reading all these comments on the boards. It probably isn't good therapy because it just makes me think about having children all the time, but it's still fascinating. I sometimes think that childbirth is all a big con on the part of the world at large, with all the pitfalls and problems hidden. For every woman that creates, sustains and and delivers a healthy baby, there is at least one another who has a loss or a delivery problem. You simply cannot count your chickens, however good hospitals are these days.
Something of a set-back yesterday. Tried to talk to DH about TTC. After a light-hearted conversation joking about me wanting a baby he said "Well I wouldn't get your hopes up for this month", and quite happily I said "November's too early anyway - that would EDD in August! It would be at least December." To which he replied "I wouldn't set your heart on that either". I love him to bits but I wish he was a better communicator. I tried to ask him to just say no if he meant it (I mean at least then I could stop thinking about it) and he said he wasn't going to say no, but I have no idea whether he meant he isn't going to say no to babies forever or whether he meant he isn't going to say no to TTC soon... I'm so confused. Now I don't want to bring it up in case I irritate him by going on about it - I do tend to obsess about things...
I think part of the problem is he just doesn't like babies. He says they are a machine for turning money into sh*t and noise, which I think is a bit harsh! He does like children when they're a bit older and more interactive, but he has no motivation at all to want children because all they will do is impinge on his life - he cannot see any benefits. It's therefore very difficult to argue it's a good thing! I know (because we agreed on this before we got married) that he wants children eventually, but I would really like to know when!
I can't decide between two courses of action: sit him down now and plan (I am a planner) or indulge in the BDing and hope that he gets fed up with alternative methods of BC now I'm off the pill. He is quite spontaneous - so it may be that over Christmas if we are going to BD he might agree on the spur of the moment just not to worry about what might happen. It won't really be TTC, but it might lead to that...
I will just have to wait and see, I guess. But I have to admit to feeling really jealous of my two pregnant friends. I wonder whether he finds that difficult to understand, being male...
Anyway, AF is nearly over, so it won't be long before the BDing resumes - and I'll leave the issue of BC up to him, I guess!
Just made some chocolate beetroot cakes to use up the beetroot from our organic veg box. Have tried one and I'm not convinced they're the most delicious things ever! The taste is a bit weird - although it may just be the subconscious knowledge that there is beetroot in it!
Otherwise have had a quiet morning. DH has gone out to go clay-pigeon shooting with his Dad and his brothers (last year's Christmas present!) and I've been a bit lazy, apart from making the cakes.
Went to dinner last night with pregnant friend and some others. I haven't seen her for ages and weirdly the baby belly (she's 23 weeks) was a bit of a shock! It just seems strange to think the girl I used to coo over babies in Sainsbury's with is going to have one of her own... On the one hand I am absolutely thrilled, on the other I am somewhat jealous, but the main feeling is I would like to have one soon so my friends and I have children of a similar age.
I was also a bit surprised because she won't say what her name choices are - which my other friend also withheld when she had her little girl. I would just tell everybody what the options were (but then I'm crap at keeping secrets) but both of them refused to - is it supposed to be bad luck or something?
Still, DH was mellowing slightly on the way home I think - I managed not to say anything! I think my plan is going to be the way forward. He knows me well enough to see how I felt sitting talking about pregnancy, appointments, names and birthing plans all evening!
I've bought some O predictor tests to help me see when and whether my cycle settles (there seem to be a lot of people who don't find out for ages they're not ovulating, and I want to know that's happening sooner rather than later). They're only simple little things but I figured otherwise I can't tell whether anything's happening or not. Plus I guess it tells me when I need to work on DH for BC-free BDing!
My friend apparently became pregnant the month they started trying. Went on holiday, decided to try, BDed once or twice and came home pregnant. Unbelievable.
Stopping the BCP is resulting in some interesting side-effects thus far. Headaches, continuing cramps even though AF has flown the nest, and weird mood swings. Reading the board about it thought that doesn't seem to be a surprise. I only hope it all settles down quickly.
On a more serious note - I have to go to the doctor on Thursday. I've been putting on weight slightly for the last few years. I tend to be tired all the time, and even fairly regularly if I get too tired or don't eat enough to keep energy levels up. I eat well, loads of veg and the right sort of meat, don't eat lots of crisps and chocolate, and yet I still have very little energy. My hands and feet get cold very easily and I tend to feel the cold a lot generally. I find it hard to exercise because I can get dizzy easily. This might just be lack of fitness, but it all seems a bit more sinister when you consider that my mum and my gran (her mum) both have/had autoimmune hypothyroidism...
So on my mum's instructions I am off to the doctor to see whether there's any chance that I am developing that (great). The good news is it's easily treatable of course, the bad news it makes pregnancy a bit more of an issue. Anyway, we'll see what the doctor says.
Other than that I am sitting here about to watch the silence on the Remembrance Day coverage.