Just setting out...

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Well Oing was a bit more complex than planned - ended up BDing at 6am on Wednesday morning - not good! But timing wasn't bad. Couldn't follow it up after O, too tired and busy.

To be honest I don't feel good about this cycle. I really want it to be this one because the timing is getting a bit crucial, but it seems unlikely. Don't feel too bad though - we'll just wait and see what happens.

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Well I'm in the 2ww and 6dpo (possible 7). No symptoms except weird uterine twinges and one or two feelings of nausea. I'm at home on half term on the moment and feeling incredibly lazy!

I still don't feel this is it, but I'm willing to eat my words if necessary. At least I'm not having the massive PMS trouble I had last cycle - 9 days! What was THAT about?!

I've thought about it and after this cycle I'm going to talk to DH and get us fully on the same page so we can try together. I'm slightly concerned about giving him performance anxiety but with any luck if I don't point out specific days that'll be ok!

Now I need to stop faffing about on here and go and do something productive. I'm going out to lunch with my very pregnant friend tomorrow, so I'd better get on with things today. There's a huge pile of marking to do, if nothing else...

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CD 26.
11 dpo.

Symptoms:

Random nausea after exertion, before eating, after eating certain things.
Cramping from about 6 dpo but stopped yesterday.
Headaches.
Sore boobs, plus tingly weird feeling occasionally. Also has lessened the closer to AF.
Gassy (mmm nice).
Looser BMs - normally the opposite.
Random joint pain.
Exhausted.
Very runny nose and congestion.
Sudden burst of energy today and a desperate need to clean the kitchen floor.
Don't feel my usual desire for wine.

The whole thing has been complicated by the fact I think I caught a cold from DH - except he had symptoms I didn't (does that mean anything?) - which is masking or creating symptoms. I still feel negative, but I have little inklings of hope which are upsetting me. After this month I'll be ok taking it when it comes, but this is such a crucial month for the best timing it's hard to be relaxed!

I haven't tested yet. I've said I won't until AF is late. MMC sent me a reminder that it's due Tues, but given when i O'd it's not until Wednesday. SO I guess if there's nothing by Wed then I can test Wed when I get home from work. Knowing my luck I'll test, get a BFN, and AF will show that night. Having said that, anytime after Wed would be a 29 day cycle and I haven't had one of those since off the pill - but then I'd never had a 25 day one until last month either! One possible positive is that after all the weird symptoms last month I had spotting for four days prior to AF - but none of that has appeared yet this time.

So just to recap when things happened...

Sunday night - BD
Wednesday morning - BD
Wednesday sometime - O

We'll see. Sigh. I'm not feeling it yet.

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So she got me. Ruddy witch. I was kind of expecting it, but it still hurts!

"And start all over again."

New EDD - Nov 25th.

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CD3

Have started temping, mainly for interest's sake. I haven't had massive problems locating O, although I was a bit out this month, so I don't really need to. But you never know.

As far as I can tell we must have only BD'd once in the window, which arguably isn't enough, so perhaps that was the reason for not getting last cycle. The UK board is filling up with BFPs all of a sudden, which is great, but I do feel a bit left out! Still, hopefully if there's luck in the air there some of it will rub off on me this cycle.

This cycle's plan? Well, temping, as I said. Have bought more Preseed and have had more of a chat to DH - who says he won't have problems with performance if I tell him when I'm fertile but would still prefer not to know - he's still not thrilled with the idea of TTC but says that won't ever change; he'll always be able to think of reasons not to do it and knows 'eventually' he wants children, so we may as well get him used to it now!

Well. Fingers crossed again.

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Hilarious. I'm really stressed! It's just about work, and how much I hate it, but ironically it isn't going to help me get pregnant and get out of there!

Still, was on a course today and London and got to ask questions and be intelligent, so I was very happy. I am sad enough to LOVE showing I am clever and to enjoy the intellectual challenge of thinking on the spot - so I actually had a nice day!

CD6 today. Nothing doing yet, but one of the girls on Nov has noticed I have very low temps, apparently. At least I know I've done the thyroid test so it isn't that!

Hoping to get DH in the sack very soon. That should cheer me up Wink

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CD 10

Have BDed twice so far. Successfully used Preseed this morning - have finally worked out how best to use it, thanks to the birth board gang! I will O any time between Monday and Thursday, based on previous cycles, and it's hard to know when to start BDing more. Think we might go for every day every other day, if that makes sense, so:

Sat am
Sun pm
poss O (would be as early as the earliest)
Tues pm poss O
Wed pm poss O (When I THINK I'll O...)
poss O (would be as late as the latest - although this is when MMC thinks it'll be)
Fri am/pm

If I don't get a positive OPK by Wed, I'll skip Wednesday and do Thu and Fri instead.

FF seems to do very strange things when it 'predicts' your fertility. OPKs were negative and nothing else was looking like an O pattern, and yet I had a green 'very fertile' light. WTF? Seems a bit odd! Now it's gone to 'probably', again with no real evidence.

My temps are a little up and down but looking at charts on the gallery that doesn't seem abnormal. I can't really face the idea of sleepily putting a thermometer up you know where - I can barely stay awake whilst it's in my mouth!

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CD 12. Monday.

No positive OPK yet... Didn't BD Sunday night because DH was too stressed, but did manage this morning! In the past I have O'd the same day as the positive OPK, so I reckon tomorrow's not out of it yet... Although normally I would have some darker lines leading up to the positive, so the current glaring white suggests it's not on the way yet.

Hmm... Still deciding what to do about DTD. Definitely not tonight. Will probably do tomorrow, then definitely Wed if OPK is pos tomorrow or Wed. If nothing comes up on the OPK by then, skip Wednesday BD Thursday and Friday. There. A plan!

I so want this to work. Was talking to my friend today, who is really uncomfortably pregnant and suffering, and she was saying how great it is being a mum. Although labour sounds agonising, I'd gladly go through that (probably throwing up, knowing me) just to get the prize at the other end.

Brrrr, my house is freezing. Come on DH, get home so I can explain that the soup I've made is incredibly inedibly hot...

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Well, I got cross hairs! Very high cover line, but I can fiddle that out later I reckon. A couple of temps seem to get rid of it, so I'll see how the high temps go.

Now 3 dpo and the most beautiful BD pattern. 3 times in what FF reckons was fertile time and gave me a 'good' rating, of which I was very proud...

Now I can do nothing but wait and hope (again) and see how things go.

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CD20
6dpo

No symptoms except bloating and gassiness and unrelated stress. I am thinking this is a good thing, but looking at last month I didn't get anything until after now anyway! This month I'm hoping no symptoms is a better sign, as I didn't get anywhere with the package of symptoms on the last two!

Please please please let this be it... BD was great. I'm going to start to worry if that doesn't produce anything!

Had a strange below coverline temp drop at 5dpo. Don't really understand why - too early for implantation, surely? Oh well, maybe it was just a fallback rise or whatever you call it!

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7dpo

Still no symptoms...

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Nothing doing!

I'm now CD 3 on the next cycle. BFN on 11 dpo last time and then cramping followed by a day's worth of spotting and then AF right on time.

Although I've googled to check that well-timed sex doesn't always result in a BFP even in healthy couples, I am a little concerned to have BDed 3 times at the right time and not moved on to a BFP.

Still, I guess it raises the statistical likelihood of a BFP this cycle! Although any probability expert will probably tell me that's not true, I'm sticking to it.

Anyway, I've now totally rationalised a Christmas baby. I'm even keen. Roll on ovulation...

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Well CD 7 and no BDing yet - only just finished AF. So cruel.

I'm on Easter holiday, which means there is just too much time to obsess. I'm getting on with things but it's not the same as working through the day. Still, the birth of little Phoebe is making me even more determined to succeed at this, however long it takes. I'm trying to take advantage of the fact that I'll be very relaxed over the holiday, and hoping that helps with the frequency of BDing, and the ease of conception. I'm avoiding thinking about the possible need to stop TTC after next cycle so it doesn't affect the sixth form, that just makes things worse!

It's so cold in my house at the moment I'm writing this wrapped in a blanket as well as wearing two jumpers! Slightly ridiculous but rather that than waste energy on the heating.

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Right, well...

Things have been great! I am on my Easter holiday still so I've been really happy. Although I have tons of marking to do I'm doing it in the comfort of my own home. I've been more productive than I have been in ages and I've managed to get through most of my to-do list.

I've been looking for props for the school production of Oliver Twist (not Oliver!) which has proved difficult, but I have found an amazing TV and film prop hire warehouse just around the corner from work. They're going to supply us with lots of things, including a coffin for Mr Sowerberry's and a copper for the gruel. Ah yes - gruel! I am currently concocting a recipe for it, based on Ready Brek, milk, sugar and black food colouring. Yum. Everything else is slowing coming together. I tend to make things where I can - a gentleman's cane, for example - but I've had to buy a lot this year.

On the TTC front, good news there also - I am 3dpo, have just got my crosshairs and a high rating for BD timing! Looking good so far, but I'm not going to get my hopes up too much. We'll see what happens.

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Where do I start?!

I was really relaxed this cycle, even barely noticed the dpos ticking by. Then suddenly my chart went triphasic, and it all became a bit stressful as I worried about my temps continuing at the height throughout. This morning was awful - as you'll see from the post below - so I had completely ruled myself out, but things didn't work out quite as planned.

At half seven I was trying to post this on the Dec BB...

"AARRRGGGHHHH!!!!

I am so frustrated! Can't get the temping 'right' at the moment! First issue: woke up at 2:15 to pee - but more than 3 hours before wake up time so just went back to sleep.

Woke without alarm. Bit dazed, didn't temp immediately then realised I was awake, checked time (5:50 - wake up is 6) so took temp. Numbers ran very quickly up to just 97.71/91 (can't remember which, irritatingly, especially as the first is virtually on the coverline) and then suddenly stopped. This is odd. Normally it hurries then slows before the actual temp. So immediately reset and took it again - 98.49. Didn't even put the thermometer down, so didn't even change position.

Last time this happened the girls on here suggested I had to use the first temp, but what do you think? I'd already been half awake for a little while - surely it can't rise 5-7 tenths in the minute or two it took to take the second reading? As I was confused, I took it immediately again for a third time (obsessive, moi?) and it was 98.49 again.

I am sorry to post a long complicated temp related point for the second day in a row. For the moment, I've stuck with 98.49. Always time for it to go down tomorrow. Especially as the cramps are now uncomfortable enough that I couldn't sleep once I'd woken up to temp.

I may well test later today just to break the tension."

I was SO down. Then my connection to the internet crashed and I was really fed up because I couldn't even post. So I went upstairs and thought I would test just so I could stop moping and move on. Used a sensitive IC so it would a) not cost me much to check myself out of December and b) so I could prove to myself I needed to move on. Then all of a sudden, and literally about 2 seconds after I dipped it, there was a shadow in the right place. I think I started shaking, and shot out of the room to grab a CB easy. Fortunately I had not thrown my little cup of pee away yet! That immediately produced a cross hair and I had this pretty picture!

Unbelievable. I am still in shock!

I've had some random symptoms - mainly that my teeth hurt! And I've had AF type cramps that go away when I stand up or move around. Nausea started up a few days ago and is DEFINITELY getting worse. I'm hoping that means it's taken good root down there.

CD26, 13dpo and a BFP. Wow. EDD is Dec 22nd. Come on little bean, you know you want to stay in there...

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Still pregnant... Wink

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I am having cramps and I'm a bit worried. I guess I want to have this baby so much I can't quite believe it's going to work!

I have indigestion, bloating, gassiness, what feels like a stretching uterus and am also concerned I might have a UTI. WIth all that going on I'm kind of uncomfortable and worried something's not right. Daft, really, given I've been cramping for five days or so and nothing's happened in that time. My back aches as well though, and that's a worry too.

My first appointment with the doctor is tomorrow, so hopefully he will be able to set my mind at rest and explain whether or not this is normal. I'm also going to ask him to test in case I do have a UTI so we can get that ruled out or kicked out! I'm drinking cranberry juice for the moment just in case.

I'm so emotional at the moment as well though. I can barely concentrate with all these thoughts running through my mind and every so often I just want to go to bed and wait until this baby is safely born. I'm sure half of this is just a reaction to finding out about the baby, and worrying (as I guess we all do with first babies) whether DH is happy or not. But that doesn't make it any easier!

But I do have a set of reports to write, which means I should probably try and put this out of my head and get on with that.

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Finished all the reports yesterday! But still have masses and masses of marking to do. Popped over to see my friend and her baby after work so I am a bit behind schedule tonight. It'll be dinner next.

I went to the doctor today, and he reckons my EDD is Christmas Day. I disagree because I think I O'd earlier than most, and I implanted on 7 dpo, from what I can tell, so I think FF is closer with the 22nd. He was cautious about everything (I suppose they have to be) so I now have this sense that almost all pregnancies end in m/c and you are lucky if you get through the first trimester alive. But that may just be my anxiety speaking!

Actually it was very nice to talk about it to someone. He told me to book in with the midwife in four weeks or so (I'd be 8 weeks) but the receptionists laughed and said he always says that and can I go and see her next week please to sort things out! This was very funny, and good, because I get a smaller time frame to work towards and it will help me focus on the diminishing risks week by week. I know I am only 4 weeks 2 days today, BUT I got a strong BFP at only 3 weeks 5 days, which suggests things happened early. I hope that means this is strong and viable, but I guess you can never tell. 4 weeks sound so vulnerable. Five or six sounds a bit better.

The cooking is calling from the kitchen. Better get on.

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I've bought some books, and have decided that's the only concession I am making to being pregnant until I have more of a sense that everything will be ok. I'm not being negative, just cautious. Apart from eating what I need to and not what I shouldn't, I'm trying to change nothing else; don't want to get too keen when it's still not 5 weeks yet.

The books I bought were The Pregnancy Bible (very pretty hardback in pink and purple, lots of lovely facts), The Rough Guide to Pregnancy and Birth by Kaz Cooke (entertaining with some info, but a greater sense of personal experience) and From Here to Paternity for DH - which I got addicted to when I picked it up and read it in one sitting!!!

DH has been very cuddly and although he keeps telling me this is 'my fault' ( Wink ) he does so with a massive grin, and this morning he told me I was hot :-).

I can totally understand people saying that you turn inwards when you're pregnant though - I can't seem to care about anything apart from the pregnancy, DH, me and our house. I have a very stressful job (and not just because it's teaching) so I am trying to protect myself by making sure I relax a lot. But I don't seem to need to try that much because something in me just wants to sit quietly and mull over what's going on in there. I have always cared loads about the kids at school, but it's easier to detach myself now and think about it as just a job; my life and health and the baby's life and health are more important.

I can't wait to be 5 weeks... As I said last time, sounds a little bit more secure every week.

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5 weeks today!

Very excited about that. No spotting or anything at all, except for a random quite painful cramp earlier today which had me panicking - but it went away quite quickly so I assume it was just some slightly more aggressive stretching than usual! There does seem to be an awful lot of that going on - maybe I am further ahead than the numbers suggest; certainly I think the 22nd is a more likely due date than the 25th. Oh, and the doc definitely can't count - my pregnancy book's chart says 19th March = 24th December, not the 25th!

I'm going to the midwife on Friday and hoping she can tell me that cramping is normal. I do have such a low pain threshold though that I am bound to feel everything, so it may well be that these are very mild and I am just feeling them more than most. Either that or there's two of them in there! I seriously doubt it though. I wonder what she'll ask me? I guess most of it will be medical history, symptoms so far and then booking in for scans and things at the appropriate time. 9-11 weeks is I think the usual timing for a first u/s. Can't wait! Hope it's still ok by then.

I'm doing an ok job of staying calm, despite the stress from work. When necessary I'm heading off down to the English office to sit alone with my feet up and chill out. It's quite nice because I can take my shoes off, prop my feet up and do some marking without someone bursting in to bother me or make me do something. My baby and my body are the priority now, so I will do my absolute best to do my job properly but when it comes down to it I will NOT let myself get stressed.

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Oh gosh - haven't had time to update!

Went to the midwife on Friday, who was LOVELY. She was called Liz and she and another woman called Veronica make up the local community team. So I will see either of them throughout, which is nice. She had a student with her called Virginia, who was also lovely, so that was great.

They started my maternity notes which was brilliant and exciting but also quite scary and will make it far harder if something goes wrong. They seemed fairly confident that things would be ok though, so fingers crossed. The best news was that my next appointment will be at home - they'll come and see me here - so that was really impressive coming from the NHS! That's on May 17th, so not that long to go. I have the phone number to book in for my scan too, so I can ring and book that this week for sometime between 8 and 11 weeks.

No spotting and no real cramping to report, except for the odd moment of what clearly feels like something stretching down there, so that's fine.

Only problem is that I had the school play last week and was totally totally exhausted by it. Turns out that's a bad idea when you're pregnant. Morning sickness went up by about about six hundred degrees and I spent yesterday either lying on the sofa or throwing up in the toilet. Just about made it to work today but had to keep making excuses to kids and dashing out to the loo! I don't think the curry on Saturday night helped much either, so Indian food is now officially off the menu.

The nausea was far worse due to excess saliva and mucus (apparently normal, according to my preg. book) but I found a tip suggesting sucking lemon drops to stop that, so DH is going to try and get some on the way back from work. I've also bought some cream crackers to try, see if that helps!

Anyway, while I'm focusing on vomiting I am not worrying about things going wrong, which is a bonus!

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Ugh I am so sick!

6 weeks today (hooray made it this far!)

Had to take the day off on Tuesday because I just felt beyond awful. I kept being sick and I was too tired to move. It was horrible! It did give me a chance to learn that constant snacking on cream crackers and lemon drops means I can just about function, but I dread what that's doing to my teeth and insides! Today I told the cover manager I am pregnant, and she was very sympathetic and told me to take off any time I need, so I now feel much better about that. The trouble is I'm finding it really hard to do any marking because I just drop exhausted when I come home, so I am really behind with work already. I'll have to do some later or it'll be terrible, but hopefully if I can rest for the next hour or so I'll have the energy to do it.

Quite excited about tomorrow as it's MIL's birthday and I think we are going to tell our parents. I was thinking about leaving it even longer but people at work are starting to talk and if we've told our parents we can tell everyone as and when it becomes necessary. I still don't want to let the cat out of the bag for sure until 12 weeks, but it's hard to keep things secret in a school - especially when you wander around eating cream crackers at every opportunity... I have no idea how my parents are going to react. They know it's on the cards but I think they wanted us to move to a bigger house first... Oh well. It's our life, we'll live it our way! We are looking to move at some stage, a house may crop up in the meantime!

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6 weeks 3 days

Haven't told the parents yet as DH was away Thursday night. Would quite like to hold off because it's still early, but on the other hand I really want to complain to my mum about how sick I feel! Fussy as she is, I'd rather like to be called every few days for her to check up on me. Plus she's a medical receptionist who knows a lot of pregnant people and therefore well versed in what to use for a remedy.

Miserable today. Can't enjoy being pregnant because I am too sick. Keep throwing up half of what I eat. Sick to death of nibbling cream crackers. Have been sick twice already this morning and it's only half ten. Lemon drops are helping but the sugar is giving me headaches! Sigh. Feel so grateful and lucky to be pregnant and realise how unreasonable it is to complain - but I do feel AWFUL.

And here comes another wave of nausea...

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7 weeks 3 days

Well the sickness has eased off a LOT, thank goodness! I can now survive perfectly reasonably during the day, although I am still very tired.

What news is there? DH turned 28 on Tuesday, although he never gets excited about birthdays so it was a pretty low-key event really! We talked about presents and he doesn't want anything, so I think we're going to book tickets for when I feel a bit better and go and see Wicked down in London. We're both keen to see it so that should be a good treat for both of us!

We told DH's parents about the baby because they came up last night to a concert he was doing. I'm now trying to decide whether it is more fair to ring my mum and dad and tell them today so there is less of a gap or to wait until they pop in on their way back from my nan's tomorrow and say we wanted to tell them all face to face rather than over the phone... It's fine if they don't mind knowing a couple of days after! Anyway, FIL was very excited about the baby possibly arriving on his birthday!

I'm quite uncomfortable this morning with wind pains - this slowed up digestion business is really unfun. But I need to get dressed and go out in a bit as there is a conspicuous absence of cat-food in the cupboard and the smittens (because we were smitten with them as kittens Wink ) are hungry.

Excitingly we've been invited by our delivery hospital to participate in some research to aid in early detection of abnormalities. We get to be useful to people and they'll give us two extra u/s scans at 28 and 36 weeks, with free pictures. So a win-win, really!

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8 weeks 1 day

8 weeks felt like a real milestone, so I am pleased to have made it this far!

We have now told my parents too, who were completely stunned and after the initial shock are really very excited. Mum in particular is over the moon and is now ringing me every couple of days to check I am ok!

Apart from that, I'm afraid I don't have the energy to update very much! My bras are too small, which is really annoying me, so I'm going to try and get some more asap. I've developed some really gross spots on my chest though, so I'm not going be showing that off any time soon, new bra or not!

I've also grown out of one pair of jeans, so the Bella Band is on. I seem to have a fairly visible bulge, which I am assuming is bloat: seems a little early for a bump!

Next lot go on study leave tomorrow... Only one more year group to go...

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9 weeks 4 days

Well my intention to update this more often was foiled by the school inspectors turning up and stressing me out and necessitating a lot of extra work! It seems to have gone ok - in fact the English department (and apparently me in particular) was given a lot of praise - so I can at least relax now and look forward to the summer!

I'd had a couple of un-nauseous weeks but a couple of days ago the sickness came back with a vengeance. I spent yesterday morning on the sofa having thrown up three times before 10am! I was not impressed. I don't feel as bad this morning but I don't think I'll make it into a full sick-free morning. It's so tiring feeling like this, and it makes me stressed because I can't tidy the house, which is turning into more and more of a mess.

On the good news front - my friend whose joints have been falling apart during her latest pregnancy was induced yesterday and has had a little boy, Arthur Christopher George. (I was a little bit irked because I'd told her Arthur was one of our two definite middle names, but never mind). So we are now godparents, which is very exciting!

Yesterday afternoon I looked really huge. I'd still got the Bella Band on because I can't do my trousers up and there was a really visible bump. I suspected it was mostly bloat, but I really did look enormous (well, relatively enormous for 9 weeks into your first pregnancy!) However this morning's belly pic doesn't really reveal any difference from last week Sad . I still just look FAT! I've always had a tummy, now I look like I ate too many pies...

Here we are for comparison. I don't think I can see much difference, except for POSSIBLY more of a gentle slope in the 9 week pic, suggesting more bump than bloat...

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10 weeks 5 days

Ultrasound a week away!

I am both excited and terrified about the u/s. I desperately want to know that everything is ok but obviously do not want to find out that this is not a viable pregnancy. My symptoms are fading (although thank goodness for less sickness) and although I was really really sick last week the fact I now feel ok does worry me! Hopefully it's just coming out of the first trimester and everything is fine.

We have been very busy over half term. We have redesigned the garden and ordered a patio and some gravel to make a space for garden furniture. DH dug out the front garden, getting rid of the nasty huge hedge that used to be there and preparing it for the gravel and plants and pots we want to put there instead. We also want to pave a little bit so that DH can put his motorbike off the road without interfering with the cars.

We've also ordered new a bathroom floor (finally to finish the bath suite we had installed in October!) and a new kitchen floor. Both vinyl, so not too expensive, but nice quality vinyl that will help us sell the house when we want to (probably in the next year or so) as someone will know they can easily change them if they need to.

Other than that I have been reading a lot and watching the French Open tennis. Because it's exam week at school this week there are no lessons to teach, so I really didn't have to do any work over half term, which was BRILLIANT. I've had a good rest and reckon I can cope with this term, provided I get some good news next week!

I am definitely getting fatter...

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12 weeks and 6 days!!

I have a baby with a beating heart and wavy arms and legs!

Went for the scan yesterday. Turned up to blood tests first, then when we went for the scan we were asked to take part in the research programme from the hospital which meant I needed to give MORE blood (small price to pay for being useful and getting free pictures and extra scans!) after the scan.

Anyway, it was AMAZING. I wasn't amazed at the time, I was too busy being stunned and dazed by the fact that something was alive inside me! Later I got very excited, but only after about three hours of feeling weirdly unemotional. I really couldn't take it in.

Little babe was waving and waggling and wriggling all over the place. S/he kept reacting to the ultrasound probe going overhead and shying away from it. We got some great pictures though. Here is one!

Anyway, we are very excited. We are also going to do the research programme so we will have a more detailed scan than usual at 20 weeks, plus extras at 28 and 36 weeks. DH also has to give a mouth swab, but I'm sure he won't find that too onerous!

Most excitingly of all, I have skipped a WHOLE WEEK! I knew I was ahead of where they thought, but not that much so! That means that our new due date is 17th December, making it much more likely that bub will be born in 08 (strange desire I have) and also that s/he will turn up at Christmas. And frankly if you are going to be born in December, you may as well do it properly!

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