We went in for the ultrasound and the guy remembered me! We only saw him once too, so that was odd. He was really sweet and welcomed me back.
We did the external ultrasound and all we could find was the sack. I was starting to flip out. He decided to do the transvaginal one. That was new for me, but not too bad. All we saw was the sack again. Then we finally saw the yolk. He was describing was he was seeing and I said, "But no baby?" He told me to wait just a second and started moving the probe all around. Then I glimpsed a little flicker. After having about 20 or so ultrasounds my last pregnancy, I am really good at reading them now. I KNEW it was a little heart. He kept adjusting and finally found it! It was beating strong at 128 bpm! The little one was measuring at 6wks 2days and is due on December 11!
Good things keep happening and I keep feeling so positive. I really hope everything continues along this path.
I'm kind of starting to feel like me again too.
I found this beautiful book for children that explains about baby's deaths. I can't remember the name of it at the moment. I want to buy it for the new baby so I can explain his/her big sister one day.
All the bloodwork came back great. I am going to the peri next week to get the nuchal translucency done and to see what other (if any) testing needs to be done. My OB seems to think that we won't need the CVS or an amnio, but it really depends on the NT screening (that is where we first found problems with Keiran, so I am a bit nervous). Also, he found the heartbeat with the doppler. Even he was amazed. It was strong and steady.
So, all is well! Hooray for a good appointment. I hope there are many more to come.
My peri appointment is for the 29th. My mom is going to go with me. Trey works for a huge corporation that needs lots of advance notice before he can get time off. He gets a lot of vacation time, but is never allowed to take it all. It is kind of worthless.
I feel a little panicky when I think of going to the peri again. He is extremely capable though, I know we are in good hands. It still makes me want to vomit when I think of it.
So, I've been silently freaking out since Sunday. I felt the baby move on Sunday. I KNOW it is very early, but I felt it twice. It was weird pressure on the left side of my uterus, just like a baby kick. I haven't felt it since, so either baby was in a perfect position, or I am losing my mind. Either one is a viable conclusion.
I haven't been able to find the hb on the doppler. That is why I am freaking out. I keep wondering if what I felt was something going horribly wrong. I been able to bring myself to search for it again.
I know that if we hadn't lost Keiran, then I would be able to dismiss all of this. But we have lost her, and as a result I am completely paranoid. I keep envisioning them not finding a heartbeat on Tuesday. I seriously cannot go through another pregnancy like this. I don't expect that blissfully ignorant joy, I just want to be able to relax and maybe even enjoy the whole process.
I'm not sure if I have ever been this scared in my life. Well, one other time. This isn't a too distant second though.
I need to get dressed and I can't. I don't want to go. What if they find something wrong again? I cannot do that all again. It practically killed me the first time. I might just have a panic attack before we get there. I can already feel the tightening in my chest.
I keep imagining everything in my head and I can't come up with a positive outcome. Every time I think of it, it is the same scenario. The doc with that sad face telling me there is a problem.