I've wanted to start a journal for awhile so I may as well do it now. My name is Shannon (29), dh Rob(39), dd Autumn(3) and ds Logan (2). Dh and I were married in September 2002. We were going to wait a year before ttc. We ended up trying earlier but it took 6 months to conceive dd. I knew after 2 weeks of dd's birth I was ready for another one, but he held out on me until dd was 4 months old before he gave me the green light. When dd was 7 months old I got my bfp. Little did I know the challenges and unexpectedness of what was to come.....
At 27 weeks I knew something was wrong. My doc kept telling me everything was fine. I was not feeling him move like he should have. At 34 weeks I say a different doctor and she ordered an u/s. 2 days later I went October 12, 2005. I knew something was wrong when the tech and student weren't saying anything. I noticed on the monitor he was not moving and the est. weight was 2lbs 12oz. She told me to wait while to talked to the radiologist. They immediately called my doc came in and told me to go to her office. I arrive and they immediately wisk me back. She tells me to pee in a cup and get undressed from the waist down. She checks me and I am 2cm dialated. She asks me if I have been crampy and I said yes but nothing unusual. She found his heartbeat then told me to get dressed. She came back in and said on the scan he failed and scored a 2 out of 10. The 2 was for having enough amniotic fluid and that was it. She said he had to come today he was small and not growing and would do better on the outside. I immediately started bawling. She said she was not sure where I would deliver since the hospital could not accomidate a preemie. She said either I deliver there and he was flown out or I would get transported before. She said go to the hospital get admitted and she would be there shortly. I called dh and he was on his way.
I arrive at the hospital and was getting admitted when I see dh running by at a dead run. I said I'm over here. I get upstairs and was having some contractions no big deal. They check me again I am now 3cm. They pump me with sugar water to get him moving. Hopkins accepted me after some debate if they had room or not. I waited for an amublance and dh and fil went back to my house(opposite direction) so he could drop off his huge company truck and get our car. Everything was fine until 30 minutes out. I started contracting bad and his heart rate was decelerating into the 50's. With contraction now every 3 minutes lasting a minute was not good. The lights and sirens went on and they were on the phone to get me re-routed to a closer hospital. When still on the phone we were at their back door and they said they couldn't take me. So off over a bumpy road to Hopkins. I arrived and was swarmed by people. The room was so crowded people were standing up on furniture. They wanted to do another u/s to see what they were facing since the other one showed fluid on his stomach and brain. The break my water and insert 3 different things to monitor him and give me a catheter. In the middle of the u/s I said stop I feel pressure. They look and said everyone out were going now. I arrive in the largest delivery room with even more people. I had 3 doctors delivering, a nurse and a doctor holding my hand since dh wasn't there yet and a team for him. I pushed and his head came out so I held on while they suctioned and removed the cord from his neck then the next push he was out. They should him to me and in a blink of an eye he was gone. I ended up hemorraghing(sp?) so I was not allowed to see him until 5 hours later. He ended up weighing in at 3lbs 4oz and 15 inches long. He was on the ventilator for one night . He stayed their for 2 1/2 weeks and was transferred to a lower level NICU that was much closer (an hour away). A week later he was released to come home only weighing 3lbs 11oz. Now the fun begins.
So where did I leave off...........When he was transferred from Hopkins to FMH they told me he had passed on one ear but failed on the other. They said nothing to worry about they will retest him. So when they re-tested him he failed on both. They told me not to worry about it again but to have him tested by an audiologist. In December(among his numerous other appts) I get him in. They tested and said the test was inconclusive but it did show a loss in both ears. My world crumbled. She said to schedule an appt at Hopkins for the ABR test. The earliest they could get me in was in January. So leave a mom to worry and try everything under the son to get my little man to startle or something. In the meantime life at home was hell. He was such a fussy baby and was never happy. I could only take him to the doctors and not take him in public until March. Docs wanted him home to decrease chance of getting sick since they never found out what caused him to not grow past a certain point.
I hated being confined to my house. I know I had PPD but I never saw I doc. I just talked to my mom and cried. Finally when I went back to work I felt myself again. This was the point I realized I loved my son. I hate to say this but I didn't bond with either child at first sight. Dd was a couple weeks old when it finally hit me and Logan was 3 1/2 months old. I think I detached myself from Logan preparing for the worst to come and in till I saw the light at the end of the tunnel did I realize what an amazingly strong little man I had.
So we finally get in to Hopkins they confirmed that he did have hearing loss, but it was only moderate. I felt like dancing for joy. My child was not deaf, my world would not be completely turned inside out and upside down. This was such a relief and I realized then I could deal with this and do what was ever necessary for my son. At 5 months old he was fitted with his first BLUE pair of hearing aids. I was proud of my son why not add a little fun to it. At the same time we started Early Intervention services. I have gone through some problems with them but I know have a good team. He is seen once a week by a speech therapist and a DT at daycare. And then every other friday another DT comes to the house. Plus can I just say I have the most awesome daycare on the face of this earth. Logan went with her full time last January and she took it upon her self to learn sign. All the kids know sign now and she will do anything to accomodate him. I just lover her. So now I am pretty much up to date and can get on with the present life I lead.
Logan had his EI visit this morning. It went well. He signed train for the first time. It is just so frustrating. I think a part of it is he is so darn stubborn. He says uh-oh plan as day now and he is starting to say Bye instead of Aye. Progress is being made but it is so slow. He can sign cookie, cow, bird, dog, bunny, milk, cracker, shoes, candy, eat, car and train. His 6 month goal right now is 15 words and 15 signs. It seems like alot, but I know once we get to that point it should start snow balling.
The kids are playing, hopefully they can wear themselves out for a good nap, because mommy needs a nap today. Autumn is doing good with potty training. Hasn't had an accident in 2 weeks. I think she has gotten over her fear of pooping in the potty as she now tells me she has to go. I thought it would take longer but knock on wood it is going good. I had been battling her for the past 18 months with going, but I finally had enough in October and said panties her we come. Plus she loves her Dora panties.
It's snowing outside but not really sticking. This is when I hate living in the mountains. Christmas is not that far away. It should be interesting to see what the retail market does with the sales down. I think I just might hold out for some bargains which is so unlike me, but why not take advantage.
So here we are on Monday. Autumn last night after dinner said her belly hurt and that she needed a Dora band-aid. No big deal, so I put one on her. We get ready for bed and I get her warm milk for her and she refuses. We go to bed and I read her two stories and ask if she wanted any books to read and she said no. Now I know something is up. I hear her 10 minutes later crying and I go in and she is covered in puke. Dh takes care of the bed and I wash her. Poor thing. Then she kept telling me she had to spit in the potty. We would go to the potty and she would spit and that was it. She said she was a big girl for spitting in the potty.LOL! I called in to work today to air on the side of caution. Why is it that my boss makes me feel guilty? Don't get me wrong he is a fantastic boss, but just his tone of voice had me feeling instantly guilty. WHY! I mean I am at work everyday even when I am sick. Usually when the kids are sick they go to Grandmom's. I just hate that feeling.
We had a good weekend. We took the kids to the mall and they both got their haircuts. It was Logan's first by someone other than me. Can I say it looks so much better than when I pretend I know how to cut hair. Afterwards we went and saw Santa. Seems a little early to me, but at leas we didn't have a line to wait in. Autumn said no, but she did sit on his lap with Logan and we got a cute picture. She was much better than last year. Last year at daycare when Santa came through the door she turned around crying and ran the other way and dove under the table and wouldn't come out. Logan just studied him and tried to pull his beard. She told him she wanted choo-choo's with tracks for Christmas. I still want to get some professional pictures done if I can find the time.
It's my Friday! On the downside Logan has a runny nose and I feel like I am getting sick. UGH! I wish we could stay healthy for 3 months in a row. It would be heaven. Logan and Autumn got into a fight at daycare yesterday. Autumn nailed Logan with a book in the back of the head. After he was done crying he got up and pushed her down, so then she started crying. Oh, the fun. I wonder if they will always fight. I just have to laugh at some of the things they fight about. It is so comical. It is finally cold outside. That means it will probably snow soon. Not much planned for this weekend unless I take the kids to the outlets for some taste testing at Harry & Davids. Yummy! I'll have to look at the weather to see what it will be like. I'm hungry, time to go eat.
Logan woke up with a full blown cold on Friday morning. He was grumpy to say the least. He had his speech therapist here too and he wasn't really responsive. Yesterday morning he woke up covered in puke and when I got him out of his crib he screamed for 15 minutes. Not until I removed myself from the room did he calm down. He seemed to be wheezing, so this morning I gave him a nebulizer treatment. Last Sunday at the grocery store Autumn lost her all time favorite blue bug. Dh and I both searched the store and I called later but no blue bug. So I did a search and found one at KB toys. I asked her if she wanted a new one and showed it to her. She said yes. I said I would get it for her. So yesterday morning she wakes up and says we have to go to the store to get a new blue bug. I said honey mommy ordered it and it will come in the mail. She said lets take a walk, meaning lets go get the mail. LOL! Hopefully it will come next week. Last night we were laying in her bed and she said Santa is going to sneak into her room when she is sleeping and leave her a blue bug. I guess she's given up on mommy.
Guess what we found at the grocery store today? BLUE BUG!!!! Wohoo! We decided to check at the customer service desk before we left as we were waiting for someone to come up I looked and there was blue bug tacked to the wall with a note on him. The lady came over and Autumn said my blue bug. The lady gave it to her and she was so happy. She said she was happy bug found it back to her owner. She now told me she doesn't need a new bug because she has her old bug. LOL!
Why must I always be sick? It never seem to fail. I start to feel better than bam here I go again. It always has to do with my sinuses. I need to buy stock in sudafed and mucinex. Well it's Tuesday, my last of work for the week. Tomorrow the kids go to daycare so I can go shopping by MYSELF! I will actually be able to browse the stores instead of get in and get out before someone gets too restless. I can't believe it will be time to put up our Christmas decorations soon. It seems like this month was so short or maybe it's my imagination.
Logan has not been sleeping lately. I have no clue why. I don't know if it's because he is sick or what. He isn't unhappy or grumpy just won't sleep. I don't know if he ever fell asleep last night before I heard him at 1:30. I closed our door and then I hear him again at 3:20. I go in and he starts laughing at me. So I tuck him back in and say goodnight. So of cours at 6 he doesn't want to get up. Ms.M said at daycare that he has not been going down like he has been. She had to put him back on his mat twice yesterday and watch him until he fell asleep then today she had to sit beside him. Maybe he's teething???
Can't wait until tomorrow!!! Off to give the kids a bath since Logan thinks peanut butter is mouse.
I woke up on Wednesday feeling like that darn mack truck had come and run me over again. I was not going to let it stop me. I popped some sudafed and got everyone ready. We get on the highway to go to daycare and we come to a stop. Great! Turn the radio up and there is a car-b-que 2 miles ahead and the road is shut down. We go through a box of fruit snacks and finally we get moving. I drop them off and by this time I am feeling human again. So the fun begins. I hit Walmart first to get the rat race out of the way. By the time I left it was a zoo. Then I went to Borders, ToyRUs, Target, Kohl's, Macy's, Old Navy, Bath and Body Works and then to the outlets where dh met me while I ate lunch. Then we parted ways and I went to Stride Rite, Gymobree, Baby Gap and Gap. Back in the car to go back to ToysRUs and Sams. By this time it was close to 4 and time to pick up the kids. But it was a very successful trip and I just have a few misc. items to get and Christmas shopping is done!!!!
Thursday we stayed home and I cooked dinner. I really didn't feel like driving two hours with the kids to my Aunts where the whole family was. Mom usually has it at her house, but my Uncle from NJ pleaded with her to come. So it was quiet. Friday I took down all the fall decor and exchanged it with Christmas decor. Still have to put the tree up. Mom and I went to the country Walmart since I knew it wouldn't be as crowded. We got some DVD's, diapers and some lighted deer to put in the yard. Autumn picked out a line of lighted penguins to put my the walkway. The whole time we were there Logan kept saying uh-oh as loud as he could. I could always find Mom and him but just listening for Uh-Oh. Then I wrapped some gifts.
Saturday dh's Mom stopped by on her way home to Ohio. She bought each of the kids a pound puppy and gave them $50 each for Christmas. I think I will get them a table and chair set that we can do crafts and such at. Logan woke up with a high temp yesterday. Gave him some tylenol and then he was ok. Put him down for a nap and then I woke him up at 2 to go to a birthday party for one of the kids for daycare at Chuckie Cheese. Boy is that place insane. The kids there were rude, bossy and pushy. DH told several kids to get lost as they were trying to push poor Autumn out of the way. She sat down with the rest of the kids to eat while dh and I had Logan. Dh looked at me and said he was going to get teary eyed as his little girl was growing up. LOL! So finally I want to leave. I had to chase Logan down as he didn't want to leave and then I told Autumn we had to go and she started bawling. She said she wanted to stay and play with Danielle(daycare's daughter). I felt so bad as she was having so much fun and she had never been to a place like that.
So I am waiting for everyone to wake up and to see how Logan is. I hope he isn't getting and ear infection.
The kids are getting ready to drive me into the looney bin. Autumn has been unusally difficult lately. She got into trouble twice last week for saying "dammit". I had the talk with her and told her it was not a nice word and to say darn or gosh instead. Saturday I was taking a shower and Logan got my water of the nightstand and dumped it on the carpet. I don't know what dh said, but A comes into the bathroom and said "mommy, daddy said oh dammit again", my reply "tell daddy he is not allowed to say it." A's reply " Daddy you are not allowed to say oh dammit, it's very bad". LOL! Well she said it again Sunday when I told her to go get a diaper for bedtime. So I had the talk again. Last night she got into trouble when I walked into her bedroom and she is sitting on top of her kitchen. WTH! What made her think that was ok. She bawled her eyes out when I told her to go to bed and think about why it was not ok.
This morning we had a disagreement because she wanted to wear pj's to daycare again. Yesterday was pj day. She cried about that. And then of course mommy put the wrong shoes on and she had a meltdown over that. In the interim of all this Logan did not want to wake up and is sreaming like no tomorrow. We all get calmed down and get in the car. All is fine for 5 minutes when L starts fighting his carseat and screaming. It was such a nice wonderful 35 minute commute this morning. I just need a breather to re-group. I feel so disorganized right now it's not even funny. They go to mom's Friday night and I will pick them up on Sunday morning. I have my office Christmas party on Saturday night. It will be a nice break.