Hmmmm, that seems like a good title I don't know where my old one went or really if I even want to find it. I'm doing a lot better now. My PPD seems like it has finally packed up and left. And I'm feeling basically back to 'normal' Wow, only took almost a year Me and dh want to renew our vows next spring, still not sure. I sooooo want to have the wedding I've always dreamed of. I guess I didn't think 2 years ago it was so important. But all the weddings I go to make me realize more and more how much I want to celebrate our love with family and friends.
I have to plan Cianna's party too! Still haven't gone anywhere with that planning. All I know is it will be on the 30th and it's going to be a BBQ. Cianna is sooooo unpredictable with her naps these days that I don't know when to plan it for! Not to mention dh will not tell me who from his side of the family to invite! I'm about to not invite any of his family if he doesn't do it soon. I want the invites out by next weekend, preferably before Wednesday. Princess wants a cuddle, finish later
Cianna's been very needy today, probably because of us being gone. Six Flags was fun. I went on the Dejavu ride and that was SCAREY, definately a rush! I started bleeding the first day, it's really weird. I just got my period June 20 and it wasn't like a period at all. Just weird. After we went on our first coaster I started cramping up and bleeding. Ugggghhhh! That sucked, I hadn't even packed any tampons or anything. But yeah, me and Tony talked about when to have our next baby. Seriously actually too. If all goes well between us we want the next one when Cianna is 4, I would love a May 2008 baby but that's in a perfect world. Who knows. I want to be done with school (2 years) and hopefully have a good job. We definately decided we don't want them more than 5 years apart. Speaking of schooling I really need to call the school on Monday. The program I want to get in has a waiting list and unless I'm accepted INTO the program I can't get financial aid and we definately can't afford it without the aid. So I hope everything goes well with that and I can get started this fall. I regret not starting right out of high school. But in a way I don't. I wouldn't be married and I wouldn't have had Cianna and I love both my husband and my daughter more than life itself.
T's pregnancy is going good. It's really stressful on her, I feel bad. And I feel bad for saying I feel bad. But I feel bad that I pressured her not to get an abortion. Isn't that horrible? Mainly because I can see how miserable she is now. I mean her boyfriend left her and she has nowhere to go now. I know she loves that baby but really now was not good timing. She's a little over 12 weeks, pretty sure. I bring her to her next apt on the 25th. Two days before my princess' first birthday! On her birthday we're getting JCPenney pics done at 2 or 3pm, forgot what time I made the apt for. And she goes to her new dr on Aug 5. I still need to transfer her med records from her old dr too.
Oh and I'm working this weekend! It feels so good to get out of the house and make some money and it's pretty good money. I worked on th 4th and made almost $80 in 4 hours. I may possibly be working tonight but forsure tomorrow and Ash said the money is better on the weekends like $100-150 a night. That's about all for now, got a very hungry little baby. Oh and she peed on the floor today. :rofl: Yet another lovely milestone, learning to take off her own diaper!
What's new...hmmmm.....not too much. Me and Tony are getting along sooo good lately. I'm really glad. I'm finally completely off and good without the antidepresants. I just don't want anything sudden right now. Pregnancy was great for me but afterwards was just hell. PPD sucks, almost makes me fear having another baby. I think the mc in Nov made the ppd a little worse, maybe that's why I had to be on the pills so long. Who knows, I'm just glad to be off of them. Got invites for Cianna's party today, so tonight I'm going to fill them out and send them off tomorrow, hopefully in the morning. Green Bay has a Air Quality Advisory today so I'm hoping tomorrow's better and I can go outside without fearing for my lungs And then I have to try and get some hours in at the bar so I can get some money for Cianna's party supplies and her bday present.. Wow, I'm watching the news and Dennis is actually affecting as far north as us . Anyways, not too much else. Oh wait! I think Cianna's finally cutting her first tooth! I'm so excited I was convinced she'd be toothless forever :rofl:
Man I'm really bad at this journal thing
Anyways, what's new in my life. Cianna has 3 teeth now No bottom ones yet, which is weird, but hey Cianna will never be one to go with the norm I guess
Her bday party stuff is bought for the most part, just need balloons and thank you notes now Which I'll get last minute most likely. I can't believe my baby is almost 1
We reserved the church for May 26, 2006 and are going to sign a contract with the reception hall, so it's set, we're definately renewing our vows and I finally get my wedding That's all kind of on the back burner for now though. My parents are going through a rough spot right now, again. I don't know whether to hope things work out between them or not. Everytime they get back together they're fighting in no time again. My mom 'moved out' but it's only for the weekend. They keep playing games with each other, that's their problem. If my dad pisses my mom off she does silent treatment, or vice versa. Uggggg........I think that's why I'm so messed up :P I've been a mediator between my parents for as long as I can remember. In fact I don't remember a long period of time ever that my parents weren't fighting over something or another. not over big things usually but they blow them out of proportion and play games.
Anyways, T is still trying to get back with her boyfriend, which is just dumb of her. I understand she's pregnant with his child (probably ) and she wants to be a family with him, but it's so obvious that that isn't what he wants and she can't force that on him, she just doesn't get it. Neither one of them would be happy that way and that poor baby would grow up just messed up or unhappy with their childhood. Children should have two happy loving parents or at least one happy loving parent. Two unhappy parents are never good. I bring her to her apt on Monday we're going to try and sneak a ultrasound, she'll be 15 weeks, maybe we'll see something ***hope*** Although this may sound selfish but I don't want to give her Cianna's clothes I have an unusual obsession with them I just can't part with them. Their kind of my memories of her being so little and I would borrow them out but I don't want to deal with the hassel. Borrowing usually ends with dissapointment, things not being returned, or being returned in bad condition. I mean I hope to one day have another baby girl and I know we'll buy new things too but I'm sure we'll use a lot of Cianna's stuff. I'm okay with getting rid of our swing, bottles, pacis, some toys, infant tub, stuff like that. But a lot of it I don't want to. We're not planning another baby for a few more years (we're starting to try in 2 more years ) but still, I know my family will not give a shower for a 2nd baby so either I keep the stuff we have or we have to start over and even if we have a lot more money then, that isn't something I want to do.
Oh and on Friday I sent in the last income confirmation to the tech school and hopefully I'll be able to get financial aid, get on the waiting list for the medical sonography class and start some classes this fall!!! I really hope I can get in soon and get it all done hopefully in the next two years. I want to start trying for baby #2, in summer 07 but before we do that we want me to be out of school and hopefully have at least a part time job working as a u/s tech and we're really hoping we have a house by then. Those are the conditions for trying for baby #2. I hope hope hope everything goes well! Hmmm, not to much else for now
My baby turned one this week I am sad, yet excited. I don't know how I feel. I got my period, AGAIN! I'm starting charting as of today though so maybe I'll get some kind of clue as to what's going on in my body. Me and Tony haven't been doing so well yesterday and today. I don't know he just doesn't appreciate anything I do anymore and it's really getting to me. He actually had the nerve to tell me all I do is sit on the computer all day and do nothing else. HELLO I care for our child, clean the house everyday, do all of our laundry, do all of the cooking, make sure all the bills are paid, run all of our errands, plus work at the bar whenever I can get hours and I'm trying to enroll in school for the fall Anyways, that's my little rant. I'm going to be BUSY this weekend. Well starting tomorrow, I have to go shopping with MIL and Tony for party food, diapers, diaper rash cream (my baby got her first diaper rash ), and wax paper, hope I remember all that tomorrow. Then I have an anniversary party to go to and then I'm baking and decorating Cianna's cakes. Sunday we have church and then I have to go get balloons, thank you notes and cake boxes. Then go to MIL's to set up for the party, then is the actual party and then clean up. After which I will probably come home and collapse into bed. I think this will be my busiest weekend in a long time. Cianna still won't stand by herself although we've caught her doing it a few times and then she pretends she never was or quick grabs something. I'm tired, off to shower and go to BED!
I got to see T the other day, she's getting a cute little tummy Her u/s isn't until Sept. 6, so looonng She moved to Oshkosh now so I'll probably only get to see her every once in a while, it's so weird not seeing her so much, I used to see her every day since we were like 5. Oh well, she brings me a ton of stress.
Cianna has been standing on her own a little more often now, she won't just do it, like you can't put her down and have her stand with nothing to hold but like if she's holding the cofee table and you give her a sippy she'll let go and drink the sippy with both hands. And she walks if you hold one of her hands. She started clicking her tounge the other day too. Oh and yesterday she was playing with the phone and she picked it up and said 'eeeeohhh dada' ----translation 'Hello dada' Awwwww, she's getting so big I want another baby so bad but I know it just isn't time yet. I really want a house before we have another baby. Speaking of which it's time to start thinking about where we're moving next. I def don't want to stay where we are, it's nice because it's close to everything but I just don't like the area, or the people. Too many teen guys with all their loud cars and music, partying almost every night of the week I already know the apartments I think we want but now we're considering renting a duplex, not sure. And, if I start working more we're going to TRY and get a house, not looking too great but it's still a possibility. I really really hope that works out but I don't have too much hope. So I'll keep hoping for the year after that or maybe we won't have to have a year lease at the next place I don't know, Cianna needs a nap, gotta go