I guess my constant pestering paid off because MY CAR IS FIXED! Yaaaaay, and it's only costing me ?61, wooooop lol.
Had such a lovely night last night. Felt a bit bad on DD as Kylie met me from work at 4pm and so she never had my full attention and was playing up a bit, trying to get it. I just want her to act well behaved around people but this isn't always the case. She isn't naughty where she lashes out or anything like that, she's just quite cheeky with her mouth. She might do something she shouldn't and I'll say to her "Leia, stop that right now".... her response could be "well, what you going to do about it then?!" she's way older than a 4yr old and it scares the bejeezuz out of me for what is to come when she is a teenager!
Anyway, so happy I have my car now :)
I found out yesterday that I didn't get the job :( So disheartening BUT, I have to remember a lot of people go through rejection and some people are just very lucky to get the job after one interview! I WILL get a job, I'm just not sure when.
DD started back at school yesterday in her first proper year (reception) and she loved it. She looked so cute in her uniform, I can't quite believe how fast these years have gone! Her Dad picked her up and when I got home, she was super tired and was giving me attitude because she "couldn't be bothered" talking to me! One day..... imagine the next 12 years!! haha.
I have been given compassionate leave to attend her nursery teacher's trial. Not sure how I feel about going tbh!
I've been doing 0730-1500 the past week so I can pick DD up from school, and I am knackered!!! It's hit me like a ton of bricks today and I'm struggling to stay awake at my computer..... if only I could go home and straight to bed. Those were the days hey? I feel bad saying it because I love DD too bits, but sometimes I would love a week where life was not so hectic. She is the biggest grump when I collect her, so late afternoon/evening is difficult for me! She wants to go see people but of course everyone is still in work and so she moans about that. She wants to go play in the park but it's chucking down rain, she moans about that. I can't let her friend come play as DBF is still in bed, she moans about that. My god, I must have the patience of a saint!
Still no luck on the job front, but I have sent my CV out to a million and one places. FINGERS AND TOES CROSSED!
I had a lovely, quiet weekend.
DBF's friend had asked if we wanted to take the kids out on Sat day time...... I wasn't up for it as the house work had piled up after being so tired last week. So, to my surprise, DBF decided he would go with his friend and take DD with him! I was so happy because it meant I could get stuck into cleaning with no interruptions haha. In went my head phones and 4 hours later, my house was spot less! lol.
Sunday, we took a drive down south of the island and although the weather wasn't great DD got to play on the beach haha. She just loves to be near the water, chucking stones in the sea and running away from the waves. I want simple things like this to always make her happy...... material things are not important!
On Friday, a co-worker of mine left (due to redundancy) to start a new job. He had told me it's this new company that's just been set up and he mentioned who had interviewed him. Well, I know her! So, I emailed her yesterday morning and she came b ack to me to say that in the next 4-12 weeks she will be employing more people so she will be in touch. She also asked me what my expected salary would be and how much notice my current employer would need if I was to get the job. Pleeease cross everything for me because I am losing faith.
Another company (similar to where I currently work) called me today. I sent my CV (resume) to them as I was having trouble applying through their website. Turns out, because I have something on my credit report they won't employ me. What a pain in my a$$ that is. I could understand if it was because I owed $20,000 to someone but no, it's like $100..... which atm I can't afford to just pay off, GRRRR.
Halloween is fast approaching and when I asked DD what she wanted to dress up as, her answer was a Pumpkin! haha. She is so random.
You know what, I properly hate the witch. I was so down in the dumps yesterday, I felt like going to the Doctors and asking to be signed off work until I leave at the end of the year.
Apart from on here, I don't really let people know my true feelings. I put on this charade like I'm the happiest person in the world, when really I'm dying inside worrying about everything from getting a new job to owing money :( It seems like these worries are never going to disappear from my life, I never have enough money to pay off my debt and yet DBF thinks he has it bad paying our rent!
Urgh, I am booking a holiday tonight and I don't care if it leaves me with nothing because I NEED it more than you will ever know.
I need to stop being such a miserable b*tch. Apologies to anyone who actually reads this thing.
I booked my holiday on Friday night :) 10 nights, all inclusive in Majorca..... very happy bunny. DD keeps asking me "Are we going on holiday today?" though, bless her.
Still no success with any jobs I've applied for. I know this one place I'm kind of holding out for said they'd be in touch within the next 4-12 weeks, but damn, I am so sick of waiting. I need to get out of here before I end up in balla crackers (our mental hospital is called Ballamona btw ;) haha.
DBF has turned into a fitness freak ever since I he knew I was definitely booking our holiday. He went out and bought a weights.... thingy... with a pull down thing and a bench where you push the weights up..... I'm so not into all this health malarky, BUT, he has inspired me. Since seeing him do so well, I decided I could do it too so it's been salads galore in our house haha. I start boxercise tonight which I am so excited for! :)
Not really much else to update on. Plus, I might just fall asleep at my desk so I'll chat with you all later.
I was feeling completely p*ssed off last night, like the world owed me a favour or something. I know it couldn't be further from the truth, but I felt like the only person on the world struggling to stay afloat, affording to live! I knew I was going to be on my as* after paying for my holiday but on my way home from work my petrol (fuel) light came on then when I got home my electricity had cut out (we pay by a meter) and then I realised I had no bread..... I felt angry.
I really want to better myself ie take a night course at college but it costs a fortune for one year, let alone doing it over 3 and yet my friend who has given up work started a night course last night in book keeping which is being paid for by the Gov a long with her rent and most of her bills! I don't want to be bitter but I can't help it. I have worked since the age of 12 in my Uncle's hotel helping through the summer months serving up breakfast to the guests and then cleaning the rooms. When I was 16 I started working in a restaurant, which I loved. It built my confidence up so much and the people I worked for and with were like my second family. When I was 18 I got my first proper job in the nursery where DD has been attending and again, I loved it. I get on great with kids, maybe it's because I'm immature haha but we click, there's no doubt about it. Aswell as this, I was still working in the restaurant 3 nights a week plus sat and sunday nights. I then decided to start working in a nightclub, only on a Sat night but I needed extra pennies as the nursery job was not great money. So, mon-fri I did the nursery, mon-wed-fri and sun nights I worked the restaurant and on a saturday night I was in the club. I loved all three jobs but it was getting difficult to juggle them all, so that's when I applied for my role in the bank. I was coming up 20 and it was my first proper job interview.... I was ecstatic when I got the job. At this point, I was doing less work in the restaurant and had moved to a bar. I ended up packing in the club job and eventually it dwindled down to me just being at the bank. I did try and go back to the bar but it had changed so much since I worked there last so I only lasted 2 weekends.
My point is, I have always been a very hard worker and I feel like none of it has paid off. Here I am at the age of 28, being made redundant and struggling to get another job. It makes me feel like I'm sh*t.... I must be a sh*t person mustn't I?? I don't get WHY I'm not being successful??? I know lots of other people are applying for these jobs too, but surely my 8 years experience account for something??? It's demoralising. It really is.
Then I start thinking of my family. I have my DD who I love more than life, but I want to add to her and I KNOW she would love a little brother or sister. It's impossible for me to do though! How could I get pregnant knowing I won't have an income eventually? If I get a new job, I'm pretty sure you have to have worked with the company for 2 years before you can get maternity pay... arrrrrrrgggghhhhh!!!!!! All I want is a nice house (which I have atm) with lots of my own children running around me. Why can't life me like the movies??
I then read the news about ANOTHER child who's been killed by their parents...... it makes me unbelieveably angry.
Sorry it's been so long guys.... Feels like I have been mega busy! I have SO much to fill you in on but let me start with this.....
I AM SO F*CKING LIVID RIGHT NOW *STEAM IS ROLLING OUT OF MY EARS, MOUTH AND NOSE!!*
DBF and I have been getting on amazingly..... he has been paying for everything due to me not getting my child benefit weekly(everyone gets it in the UK) and I have made clear to him that I really appreciate him helping me out without moaning about it. Last night, I asked him if he still needed me to give him $100 when I get paid at the end of the month. I only asked because I bought us a new bed that I need to pay and I owe bits of money here and there which will leave me with hardly anything. Anyway, rather than a yes or no response, he flipped out on me!! He called me a c*nt.... can you believe that? I went mental, how dare he when he knows how disgusting I think that word is?!! It just shows the little respect he has for me, if any. Anyway, he left for work with is on a bad note and then he text me askign if we were going to make up. I told him that I didn't want to argue but not to talk to me until he could apologise..... I'm still waiting.
I get to work at 7:20am and the weather was unreal this morning, dark, windy and chucking it down! He rings me and starts shouting down the phone about having to walk DD to school in such sh*t weather, how she'll get soaked and how her umbrella is blowing inside out etc etc. Well, what the hell do you expect me to do when I'm AT WORK?!!!!! So I told him he had to sort it out and then he hung up on me. I called my Mum who said she would collect them and when I tried to call him back, he ignored my calls...... then he called me and said he'd started walking, whilst still moaning about DD getting drenched. Talk about making me feel like a bad Mum! :(
Now, I'm getting texts about money, how it's a p*ss take he has to pay for everything yada yada. If his attitude wasn't so stinkin', I'd give him his due but why should I when he's being so vile and telling me I HAVE to do this and I HAVE to do that?!!! What ever happened to the men who were proud to be able to support their family?? Pfft, he's so money orientated it's unreal.
:( :( :(
We had an even bigger row the next night :( We were blanking one another and I eventually broke my silence.... but it escalated in me chucking DDs doll pram at him and him chucking it back. It's bad. I'm not a thrower, but he made me so angry!! He's currently grovelling - I'm so upset because we have been getting on amazingly and you know what, it's because he hadn't moaned once *sighs*
It's so embarrassing always writing here about how pants my relationship can be. You all must think I'm a complete DIV "leave him!" "think of your DD" "you can do better"..... it's so much harder than just walking away though. I'm still not ready for that.
On a more postive note..... sort of.
My employer advised me a couple of weeks back that I'm no longer at risk of redundancy!
I'm back on a calmer note.
We managed to sort out sh*t out and haven't argued since that day. We're getting there (I know, was nearly ready to throttle him a few weeks back) and he is understanding that moaning about things will not change anything. Hopefully this will last....
I cannot believe it is almost Christmas! We decided to host this year so I have my whole family coming to ours for dinner :) I am soooo happy about it.... This year will be WAY better than last.
So yes, like I said in my PP... my employer advised me a few weeks back that I no longer need to find a new job as I am keeping my current one!! Talk about shocking me into silence! I am obviously delighted I have a job still and don't need to stress anymore, but they could have gone a better way about it.
We got a kitty cat on Saturday from our local animal shelter. She is just over 8 weeks old, has bengal cat markings but is grey and black. We have called her Misty... I am so in love with her as is DD :)
DD started gymnastic classes on Sunday morning and she LOVED it! The teacher gave her a sticker for being so good and for listening really well and trying everything she was asked to. I was so proud..... hopefully she'll be an Olympian one day :) JOKES, I'm not that bad of a parent.
Well, that's the update.