Arrrrgh, I feel like this year is speeding away with itself and I can't keep up!
Today I am MAD! Why? Well for numerous reasons really. Now look, I know I'm not perfect but I am the type of person who would save someones feelings or include them when no one else really wanted them around - I'm a bit of people pleaser to be honest, although believe me, I take no sh*t either!
I just don't get people. I don't 'get' parents who can abandon their children. I don't 'get' people who are petty and fall out over the silliest of things. I don't 'get' why people like drama in their lives or why they are so selfish. Seriously, what is wrong with people!!!
You know DBF and I have a rocky relationship, well it's actually been great lately. We sorted out the main issues and we're working together, for now. As much as he can be an absolute twit I still love him and care about him and I hate seeing him hurting. Without saying too much, he was let down massively by his parents. Mainly his Dad, who even now is in and out of his life. His mum made bad choices re men and her life style and DBF suffered because of it. He is angry. I don't mean angry where he shouts, I mean, he wants to kick the you know what out of someone. The anger he has is clearly from his past and believe me, I never let it be an excuse for anything but I DO want to help him. It breaks my heart to see him crave his mum's attention but then make out to me that he can't stand the woman. All he wants is a relationship with his Dad, but he knows deep down that he probably won't ever see him again before he evetually passes. His elder sister, someone else he holds complete hatred towards - but noone knows where she is, whether she is dead or alive. His baby sister who he is clearly jealous of because she never suffered the same way he did - he has issues with all of them and not one of them seem to give a damn.
It's his 33rd birthday today and he's not heard from any of them. He says he doesn't care but I know it is eating him up inside :( I just don;t know what to do!
I really need to set a date in my calendar to remember to update here! I used to be so good at it, but life like I said in the PP is flying by. I wish it would slow down - I'm the big 3-0 next year, eeeeeeek.
Not much has been going on since my last update - we had a busy few weeks re our birthdays and we went to see a famous UK comedian at the beginning of Oct. He was hilarious, just what I needed at the time.
Things with the MIL are getting worse. A few weeks back after one of her tantrums, she sent DD loads of kids magazines and some sweets - I text her to call me, which she did and she spoke to DD. It seemed like I'd managed to clear the air with her and I thought her and DBF had been speaking and getting a long. I asked him only this weekend if he had heard from her and he said she had called, but he'd missed the call because he was still sleeping (he works the night shift so is asleep in the day).
With DBFs Dad being absent in DDs life, MIL living away and my own Dad not bothering his arse, my Mum does so much for us. From babysitting, to getting things DD needs, to things she thinks we need around the house. Nothing big, just little things like kitchen untensils.... she bought me a sponge the other day because she said the one I had in the bathroom was probably contagious hahaha. That's just what my Mum is like! She asked me what me and DBF would like for Christmas and I told her we were desperate for new bedding ie a duvet, pillows and sheets etc. So, she ordered them straight away and I took them on Saturday. They are sooooo comfy, just so ya know haha.
I appreciate my Mum so much and if I am honest, I don't show her enough. I decided to post a pic on facebook and tag her in it - it said something like "the next best thing about having you as my Mum, is knowing my kids have you as a Grandma" - too true! Clearly, this did not go down well with MIL *rolls eyes*. She wrote a status that I knew was aimed at us, so I ignored it until the next day when i'd seen the comments. I deleted her straight away. Sorry, but I can't be doing with seeing that sh*t - I have enough drama and family issues without her adding to them and seeing it just makes me mad!
After she realised that I had deleted her, she PM'd me saying that after seeing my last post, it proves that she is just like Parcel Force for DD and that I am teaching her that she only needs to speak to her Nana in the UK if she receives gifts from her. Are you f*cking ****ting me?!! I had a major tirade back - I couldn't help myself and I know DBF would side with me anyway. I told her, how dare she insinuate how I am raising my daughter and that by being the way she is, she is making it 10x harder for me to even want to speak to her now. C'mon, after everything she has said over the last couple of years (I'll explain that later). the last thing I want to do is have a full blown conversation with her. It's awkward and unnatural. In the end, she told me that she will just send letters so that DD knows that she's always thought of. Ridiulous, right? She's meant to be an adult and right now she is acting like a teenager!
Honestly, I would not keep the letters for DD either, if MIL is going to be so ridiculous and start sending them. I don't want DD reading them in the future and thinking that what MIL says is the truth, because it isn't. For some reason, MIL has got her wires crossed and she is refusing to untangle them. Everything we are doing is wrong. Me deleting her is wrong - yet she did the same to me the other month. I only noticed when she re-added me and when I asked why she had, she'd done it 'accidentially'. I let that one go. DBF always forgets her bday and I always have to remind him, it makes no difference though and she obviously gets the hump about it. This I do understand, because if it was DD forgetting mine I would be devastated. I just think there's too much water under the bridge now. She hasn't 'remembered' my birthday for the last 2 years now but I say nothing and this year, she never bothered with DBF on his. Tit for tat, pathetic.
This has all stemmed from last July when she visited for DDs 4th birthday. Bare in mind, we pay for her to visit as she can't afford it and she stays with us too. As it was DDs birthday, DBF and I were struggling financially. We had decided to put on a BBQ because the weather was really good and we'd bought her a trampoline. We figured, her and the other kids would get plenty of use out of it - perfect! Due to the lack of funds, we hadn't had a chance to get groceries in which meant that the only food available was BBQ food - fine by me. I had made sure that DBF had told MIL the situation, because her visiting had been a last minute decision and I didn't want her thinking bad of us for not having cupboards full. We had what we needed basicially. Everything went great, we even did a BBQ the day after aswell as we had tons of stuff leftover and again the weather was lush. MIL likes going and looking around town, probably because it's small and completely different to the hustle and bustle of where she lives. I had to tell her that she couldn't take DD with her. The reason being, DD was no longer in a pram (obviously) and MIl walks with a crutch. She has fibromyalgia (sp?) and this makes her not very fast. At the time she visited, DD was going through a stage of running off on me if I took her into town and the last thing I wanted is for her to do the same to MIL and MIL not being able to catch her! It was mainly a worry about DDs safety, nothing at all against MIL. Maybe this is where she took offence? Who knows.
The weekend seemed to go without a glitch, MIL went back home and we all got on with life. About a month later I'd asked DBF if he had heard from her and it came to light that they'd had a row just before she left the house. Over what, I have no idea but she'd held a grudge for a month!.......
Me being me, decided to contact MIL to try and get her and DBF to make amends. Well, she went mad at me! Claimed I had been unwelcoming to her, had not offered her a cup of tea or even a sandwich - I made her feel like she wasn't wanted there etc etc etc. When I told DBF, he was enraged and basically it has gone on from then. She visited this April, all was fine. Her and her partner came back in May and stayed in our house for a week whilst we went on holiday, all seemed ok. Then BAM, back to bloody square one.
I am tired of it all now - I have had enough of trying to defend myself. DBFs sister (she's 22) even had a go at me the other month, I thought we had sorted it though until I realised she had deleted me on facebook. She's terrible anyway - in the 5 years my daughter has been on this earth, she's met her auntie once - ONCE!!!! Her reasons for not visiting is that she can't stand seeing us put her Mum through sh*t. Fair enough, I'd be the same but we haven't actually done anything - urrrrrrrrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!
SO yes, god knows where we will go from here - it's an utter nightmare!
It's 2014 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can you believe it, it's almost Feb then we only have 28 days and it'll be March already. Life seriously needs to slow down - I do NOT want to turn 30 in September haha.
Things are same old here really. MIL issues have been resolved, slightly but my r/s with my Dad is no better. He is too busy waiting for the arrival of his new son in March. Let's hope he doesn;t let him down like he has me and my siblings.
Feeling soooo positive this year!!
Maybe it's because I am turning 30, I'm realising what's important and what isn't.
My health is my main priority this year. I have at least 100lbs to lose and as much as I have said it before, this time I am serious. For any doubters, WATCH ;)
Another thing, is getting a new job. Yet something else I have always harped on about. Well this year, it's happening!!
One goal has been accomplished!!
I have only gone and bagged myself a new JOB!!
I cannot believe it! It's like it was fate - I got an email from a company I have been tryign to get into for a while and they emailed me on Wednesday. The same day as my last entry - I had an interview on Thurs and they offered me the job of Friday!!!
Better money, better prospects..... OMG, I am over the moon!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm probably going to sound like a hypocondriact (sp?) or someone with issues, but I am generally worried about myself.
I started my weight loss journey, 4 weeks ago and I have managed to get down 17lbs. This is amazing and there are many reasons for wanting to lose weight.
I'm not sure how long ago it started (why didn't I mention it in here?!) but I've been getting this pain in my leg. It is SO hard to explain how it feels and where it is, but I will try my best.
It's located on the back of my right leg, round about the knee if not a little higher and lower and is on the edge of the outside of my leg. That makes no sense when reading it out loud but I know what I mean. I can't even describe the pain but basically, I can't kneel because when my leg closes together is causes tremendous pain.
Ahhh I need to go as in work, I could burst out crying thinking about this!
I have been to the Dr who has sent me for a scan, but I worry so much that they haven't got a clue what they're doing!
Hello my beautiful people!
Sorry I have been away for so long - February, are you frikkin kidding me?!!
I can't stay long but just wanted to update on my job. Absolutely love it! :) I am sooooooooooo happy to be out of that other place - best thing I've ever done.
I will update properly in the evening when I have more time to spare, but know I am around still and want my journal to STICK! ;)