April 28th 2010
I am soooooooo tired!!!!! I don't know how though, I was in bed by 11pm :rolleyes:
Leia has been playing up the last couple of nights. Normally I can put her down just after 7pm, no problem, but now she's crying when I do. Last night, I wanted to watch Avatar with my Mum so I put her down normal time and she screamed bloody murder. I gave in, got her up and gave her some toast and juice.
By 8.20pm I knew she'd be absolutely shattered today so I put her back down and she cried until 8.45pm! It is not like her at all, but I couldn't give in to her.
I did notice that her canines are poking through her gums, but if that was what was wrong with her, she'd have been moaney downstairs too. Oh well. She woke at 6am today so will be one tired baba when I pick her up from nursery.
So, what else is new?
Well, not a whole damn lot. I'm still stressing over shedding some lbs but just can't seem to do anything about it. It's like a vicious circle! I'm constantly achey and tired because I've put weight on, yet I can't be bothered going out for a walk or whatever by the time Leia is in bed. I just want to chill out! It's not an excuse either, ok, well maybe it is but I physically feel like I can't move. On the plus side, I have cut out a shed load of crap so that should help at least a little bit.
I'm sort of on speaking terms with my Dad now too. He called me at work :eek: BUT, he was then called to something that was going on with one of his patients and said he'd call back. He never :( Nevermind, it's a start.
My cousin Lynsey has gone into hospital today to have a C-Sec with her 4th kid!! She was told she's having a girl but we shall see :lol: I love new additions to the family and can't wait to go visit.
I think that's it for now. You know me though, will probably be back in a few hours ;)
April 29th 2010
So I went to visit my cousin in hospital last night.
She had her daughter at 9.45am, 7lbs 11oz of utter gorgeousness!!
Her name is Ava Kimberley :)
I honestly cannot remember Leia being THAT small. I want another one! haha.
I'm in a funny mood again today, although my Dad called me in work AGAIN today, that's 3 times this week!! I feel priviledged.
It's bank holiday this weekend but the weather is meant to be poop so not sure what the plans are. I definately want to get Leia out though because she spent far too much time in the house last weekend and I felt soooo guilty. Might do an indoor play area (weathers going to be sh*t) and then lunch with my friend and her little boy.
April 30th 2010
My post yesterday was written terribly. I told you I was in a weird mood.
Today's not much better TBH. I went to bed at 9pm last night and I feel worse for it.
I'm sick to my back teeth worrying about money! I've been letting myself go overdrawn and I can't seem to get myself back on track because when I get paid, I'm obviously paying off my OD balance first and I'm left with less than normal :( I'm so scared my Mum will chuck me out if I don't start putting money away like I planned on doing. :help1:
I think I need to go and see my Dr..........
I've been putting it off for far too long now.
May 4th 2010
Ain't it funny how you know that you're just not feeling quite right.
I had an incredibly miserable bank holiday weekend. I spent the majority of it in tears, not because someone had upset me but because I couldn't control my emotions.
I sat and watched Britain's Got Talent on Sat night and I broke down. After that, I couldn't stop! Sunday I conquered my mountain and yesterday I didn't want to do anything..... I needed to go food shopping but I couldn't face going out and seeing anyone. I almost wanted or wished I could hybernate.
I had throbbing ear ache last night too which didn't help my emotions.
I feel a little better today, which doesn't help the fact that I need to contact my Dr. Yesterday, I could've easily made that appointment or have sat in front of my Dr and let everything out. Today, I feel stupid even thinking about making it. I do know I need to speak to him though as I can't go on feeling this way.
I hope one day I am back to my happy self.
May 5th 2010
AF arrived this morning, which explains why I have been having an emotional breakdown.
Don't you agree that there is always something to worry about though? I'm meant to be travelling to Birmingham, UK on May 18th to watch the amazing John Edward. I only booked my flights yesterday as I was waiting for the volcanic ash to do one and they cost me £321!!!!! That's half MORE than what they were a couple of days ago.... you know what's even worse? The ash is BACK!! I am praying to the almighty God that it does not disrupt my chance of seeing John live. I actually think I would cry, I want to see him that much LOL! I got a sign the other day that he would read me too hahaha. Obviously I won;t get my hopes up too much, however, I was thinking about it as I was getting into my car the other day and a feather fell right in front of me. How weird, right? Goodness knows where it came from.... DEF a sign ;)
I think I better be off for the day.
I'm trying to do shed loads of work so that I can apply for a new job within my Employer. Fingers crossed for me!
Sod typing out the date, it's already on the left hand side! Derrrrrrrrrrr!
Oh oh oh! The ash seems to have gone, all flights from my Emerald Isle have gone today, hopes are high for a week on Tues :yahoo:
I don't feel very well today. Has been going on a few days now but today, my god, my ear is throbbing. It's making me go all disorientated and my computer screen looks like it's flickering from side to side. Should I go home early? Hmmmmmm.
Do you know what, I realised I don't speak quite enough about my beautiful little girl in this journal. She is just the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me! Don't get me wrong, she tests me ALOT and I will admit that I have very little patience, BUT.... she's just the best. She has turned into such an affectionate little thing, always cuddling and kissing. It's adorable though because she'll wrap her arms around my neck and squeeze me so tight haha.
Her nursery is right next to the beach and every morning when we drive down our hill, she shouts 'beach!' (sounds like b*tch eeeeeep!) 'water!' She will then proceed to tell me all her friends names and say 'Mummy erk' (work) haha.
I cannot believe that she is going to be 2 on July 5th!!!
I am so glad I had a girl. Don't get me wrong, I'd have and will love my boy just as much, but I think as a first child, our relationship will be awesome :) My Mum and I are close, but not in the way I would've liked where I could tell her anything or we could go shopping together. I hope that me and Leia are like this. I'll TRY to be a cool Mummy so that she WANTS me around LOL.
I feel quite super today. I've been dieting this past week and it's been going pretty well. I was going to start the Cambridge diet (shakes only) but you know what, I just can't NOT eat! So, I've cut out every bit of crap I was eating ie crisps (chips) chocolate etc.
I've been having cereal for breakfast and lunch (or a salad) and then a small sized evening meal. It's def working, feel like I've lost weight already!!! :headbang: Now I need to get my arse in gear and start exercising some more. I do the usual housework and have been quite adventurous on my Sunday outings but it's time to start walking more.
So my brother and SIL came for tea last night. I made lasagne and salad for us all and it went down a treat. Everyone (except me and mother) had seconds, so I was happy haha. SIL is having a baby and is due in July. My Mum decided that her, me and my sister would buy them a moses basket between us..... £95 :eek: It was delivered yesterday so I collected it from my sisters and brought it home for us all to see. Do you know what? It aint worth that much. It's cute, but looks the same as every other moses basket out there! Sorry, maybe I'm being *****y because I'm jealous, but, no, it was just a ridiculous price. Nothing but the best for my borther though when it's coming from Mum!!!! *can you hear the sarcasm??*
Yea, a bit of sibling rivalry goes on here haha. I dunno, my Mum is always comparing everyone to them and it does my tits in! Ok, so they did it all the 'right' way. Went travelling, got married and then got pregnant. They don't have a house yet (their own I mean) as it's a nightmare here but still, they did it 'right'. According to my Mum anyway. I don't think there's any right way personally.
I remember when we just found out SIL was pregnant and my Mum was all like 'Ooooooh, I wonder what their baby will look like?' or was it 'Who will it look like?' either way. I turned round and said 'it must be nice to have everyone excited about you having a baby!' She told me to not be so stupid but it's true! I don't remember her being excited about me being pregnant or my sister with her 4! It just wound me up last night because she'd gotten a little upset last night. My sister had a stillborn baby girl in Nov 2001 and my Mum was saying how when my sister had gone to register her death, my Mum had gone up the house to have a clear out and she said she found one vest and one babygro..... basically she said my sister had nothing for that baby. I find this very hard to believe but hey ho. My Mum was saying how sad it was and how awful that my sisters kids didn;t get what she knows my brothers kid WILL get. I mean FFS! Just because she doesn't have a sh*t load of money does not mean that they don't get the love they want/need and actually, considering my sister doesn't have a lot of money, her kids NEVER go without. Ack, parents say the stupidest things sometimes.
Ok rant over.
Arrrrrgh I can't concentrate in work today! Fridays are ALWAYS the same.... nobody is into the work and just wants to get out and play.
I'm so flaming excited about my trip away next week weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. I booked my hotel today, only cost me £39.50, however, I don't think it's right in the city centre of Birmingham so we might get lost finding it haha. Part of the fun I suppose. As long as it's IN B'ham and not bloody Manchester or something. Would be my luck LOL!
Quite a few things to look forward to this year.
John Edward next week, then a night out with my department. Coach around the TT course and lots of drinks. July 9th my Mr Will Young will be on my isle to do a concert, WOO!! In Aug I'm taking Leia to see Peppa Pig LIVE.... she will LOVE this!!! My new neice or nephew will be here end of July beginning of Aug WOOP WOOP!! Exciting stuff :)
I LOST 3LBS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wahooooooooooooooooo!!!! :yahoo: :yahoo:
I started dieting the beginning of last week and when I weighed myself on Sat I was shocked that I lost so much! Happy too of course :D Here's to another good week of weight loss yehaaaaa.
I had a lovely weekend :)
My BFF came round on Friday night for some drinks. We had a good ole chin wag and tried to arrange what we'll do in B'ham. We couldn't think of much except drinking! eeeek. TBH, I don't want to drink too much whilst I'm away..... I'm not THAT into it anymore.
On Sat I went to my sisters with Leia and my Dad showed up. We had a lovely day, sitting in her front garden soaking up the sun. I wish we could do it more often!
Sunday, our clan went for another adventure in a glen called Ballaglass. I was a little disappointed with it if I'm honest. We seemed to be pretty high up, rather than at the bottom next to the river. We ended up on a beach called Cornaa which was nice but then the sun went in and it was frickin' freeeeeeeeezing! Still a nice time out though. BFF came back to mine for a cuppa.
I feel so sorry for her atm. Her DBF is a right d*ck! They've been together on and off for the past eight years and have a 3yr old DS. He treats her like complete sh*t though, worse than my DBF..... calls her names, has raised his hands etc. He crossed the line on Sat night though but getting her ARRESTED!!!! All because he didn't want to speak to her, he rang the police. WHAT A NOB!! She's absolutely devastated and hasn't eaten since Sat. I HATE MEN!
I'm looking forward to another adventure next weekend and then hols on the TUES. WOOP WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!!!!
Isn't it funny how your mood can change so suddenly during the day.
I'm so sick of it.
I might not have been through things that I know other people have suffered. The loss of a parent/child, abuse physically or mentally. The break up of a 30yr marriage or the loss of a house due to the recession. However, as much as people will say 'it could be worse' it still feels like my life is one big fat mess.
I wish I could turn back time and change things.
I wish I'd done better in school. You just don't realise though when you're that young, how important it is! If I'd have known then what I do now, I'd have worked my arse off. It must be nice to know what you want to be when you're 16. I didn't have a clue so I chose the wrong college course and ended up wasting 2 years of my life.
I used to date a guy called John. He was Irish and I met him right after I turned 18..... he was 25/26. he was so bloody lovely to me and would've done anything for me. he was living here at the time and work dried up so he had to move back to Ireland. I was devastated but we managed to visit each other most weekends. My Mum hated him though. I think it was the age and the fact that he didn't hold down a job, which is fair enough but she ruined it for me. I know he would've treated me well and surely that was all that mattered?
Anyway, we broke up because I got with a guy I worked with at the time. I didn't cheat with him, I ended it with John first and then hooked up with said guy. What a mistake that was. I wish I'd not treated John so badly. I cut out all contact with him, just like that. We soon rekindled our friendship but DBF didn't like it and would delete his number from my mobile. He hasn't called or text since and so I have lost touch with him again :(
I don't regret Leia one bit but I do wish I'd waited to have her. I wish I'd known that DBF was 'the one'. I wish we'd enjoyed one another more, bought a house, maybe married and then settled to have a family. You rush into things though don't you. You think you know better when in fact you don't. Having a child is never the 'right' time. That all being said, I couldn't imagine my life without her and I'm so glad she'll always be here with me.
Alls I wish for now is that I had my own place. I'm sick of relying on someone else to keep a roof over our heads.
Maybe one day everything will fall into place, but for now, things are unsettled.