I always wanted a diary, something to help me remember good and bad times. I started to write one numerous times but would read it back and think 'how bloody boring am i?' and stop writing haha.
So, here I am giving it one last go. I hope to goodness PO is around forever!
We just got back from Manchester on Sunday evening. We had a lovely time, went to see Shutter Island (awesome film) caught up with Dean, Kevin and Lynn and chilled out. Leia was absolutely spoilt rotten but I didn't expect any less! I'm so glad I don't live too close to the 'in laws'.... it may sound horrid but if I had to see them all the time it would do my head in. DBFs mother is lovely but she is also the most depressing person EVER. She has this monotone voice (do you get me?) like it sounds the same whether she's happy, sad, excited etc. She can also be very sarcastic at times and that also grates on me. However, we were only there for a few days so I bit my tongue.
When we got home, my Mum was in the strangest mood and I did not feel welcome by her in the slightest. She is hard to read sometimes although I knew something was wrong and expected what I got the following morning.
Ok, so my Mum has let us move in with her to save money. That's great, I appreciate it and everything but OMG, I've never met someone who is so obsessed with the cleanliness of their house. Yea, I get she doesn't want to live in squaller but if you could see it.... it's like walking into a show home. DBF and I help out as much as we can but when it comes to laundry, my Mum is there before me. I make sure I clean for her every weekend but because it isn't to her standards, we don't pull our weight and it's a lack of respect (her words!) I was so angry she said that but what can I do? I've asked her to write a list, a bit like a chore list so I know exactly what she wants us to do so she can't moan anymore.
I really can't wait until we have saved enough and all my debt is paid off so I can move back into my own place.
I managed to send my CV off for a Social Work Assistant job. Haven't heard anything yet but I'm hoping that's because it's been Easter. Fingers crossed!!
Last edited by Minx_Kristi; 05-05-2010 at 06:37 AM.
He's been acting proper weird with me since I got back.
It was his bday on April 2nd and on the Monday before, whilst in work, I went onto a card website and made this really cool card, got to where to send it to and thought 'crap, I don't have his address' (he's moved out of marital home) so I tried calling him, at least 5 times before I left work and kept getting his answering machine. I then text him but got no reply, typical.
His bday came and I text but still nothing.
When I got home my Mum told me he'd been to see my sister and had a cut just below his eye. My sister asked if he'd done it shaving and he said 'yes' but there's no way.... he's hiding something! Anyway, my Mum then remembered that she'd woken up with a shock in early hours of sat morning to someone who she believes to be my Dad calling her name. Weird or what?! SO, I went for a walk yesterday and I bumped into my Dad. It was blowing a hooley but he just seemed to be acting strange, like he didn't wanna talk to me. I asked if he felt awkward as my Mum was across the road and he said no, he just wanted to leave??? No 'did you have a nice time away?' or nothing. So yea.... he's also accusing me of slagging him off on facebook which I haven't so WHO KNOWS!
So I text my Dad which is flippin' typical. I always have to do the chasing these days, it's like he couldn't give two flying f*cks if we speak or not! He came back to me with his usual crap 'I don't want to fall out with but I'm living my life and I don't need or want peoples opinions'..... well I'm sorry but since you hooked up with this new woman, I never see you so of course I'm gonna have an opinion!!!
She has two kids who are only like 6 and 10, that doesn't bother me. What does bother me though is that over Easter I didn't hear from him, yet he's out with her and her kids at our local zoo! Excuse me DAD but you have a granddaughter here who you never see but keep promising to take out and to make matters worse alls she ever says is 'Gandaaaaaad!' and every time I have to keep telling her no, that's not Grandad. It's been that long that she confuses every other man for you. Effin' JOKE!!
I still haven't heard back about the job I applied for either. It's typical really, something I actually would LOVE to do and nothing is happening. I might phone and see if my app was even received, just to make it known how interested in this that I am. I spoke to my mate and she was telling me what it entails. It sounds so up my street it's unbelieveable. Oh well, I still have a little hope so we shall see.
On a happier note, I went to see my friend Natalie last night. She's due her baby boy 2 weeks on Sat but wow, her bump is just nuts! She looks like she's got a ball stuffed up her jumper hahaha. She has an appt today so fingers crossed they'll induce as her pelvis is seperating eeeeeeeeeek.
A woman I work with atm reckons she's a bit psychic and has just told me that I won't be getting the job because I don't have enough experience
I hope she's wrong and plus, in the advert it said no specific entries required soooo I still have a chance.... right?
I need to get out of this place badly. You give all you can give and get nothing in return, does my head in. I've been here 5 years too long and I'm desperate for a change! It's not even about the money either, it's about being able to come to work and enjoy my job.
Can you tell I do LOADS of work IN work??? LOL! This place is far too distracting for that
Anyway, THIS is the reason I want to be a social worker.
A man (monster more like) has been sentenced to life in the UK after murdering his 5 MONTH OLD daughter in Feb 2008. WTF????? What in Gods name would posess someone to hurt a baby (nevermind so young) when they are just completely defenceless?? What could that poor baby have possibly done to deserve to have done to her what this evil pig did to her??!!!!
It appeared that she had been held by the ankles and repeatedly swung against a wall and then repeatedly punched in the stomach
It makes me f*cking sick and think the most terrible thoughts towards these 'things', cuz that is all they are. They're not human! A human being would not do such awful things to a precious little child. I want to cry right now I'm so angry and upset for that little girl.... she deserved to live!!!!!!!
I want to be a social worker to try and make a difference. Even if I only saved ONE child it would be something.
What is it with men? They're honestly from another planet!
A little bit of background, DBF and I have been together 3yrs..... we kind of rushed into having DD and now I wish we hadn't. Our relationship was great in the beginning, great social life, great sex life. The only downfall was that he was very jealous of me going out and honestly at the time, I shrugged it off thinking it would pass. Around about when I was 7 months pregnant, he started going out ALL the time, leaving me home alone and strolling in at stupid o'clock. At first I wouldn't say anything but then it was happening so often I flipped my lid. Things got better and we were back to being a happy little couple. DD arrived and we were in the land of cookoo gooing over her and then a few months past and it started all over again.
Last year I actually left him for a month, thinking he might realise I meant business but it didn't change much. We sort of go through great patches and freakin' awful ones! Only last summer he went out and came home at like 8am.... I wouldn't mind but I was worried sick about him and even called the hospital! Things then went back to being ok and that brings me to now.
We've moved in with my Mum to save some money, well, he's been out every weekend.
He was being invited out to do boy stuff which I was totally fine with. Better than drinking right? Then I'd call and he'd be in the pub, telling me he wouldn't be long and of course that put me on edge straight away and he came home at 2 in the morning!
His last stint was about 2 weeks ago. Man U and Liverpool were playing (football) and he asked if I minded him going to watch it. We ended up having a ruct as we were meant to be saving to visit his family in the UK a week later. Well, he through his dummy out of the pram because I'd said not to drink. In the end I just said ok to shut him up and he promised me he wouldn't take the piss, he'd be home to cook us tea...... 2am he came home! I went absolutely crazzzzzzzzzzzzzy!
So, now he knows if it happens again he is GONE. I have said this a million times before but I am so meaning it now. I will not be treat like a doormat, I really won't. I have one life and I want it to be a happy one with my daughter. We're going to a BBQ on Sat.... I told him, when I have to leave to bring Leia home for bed he BETTER come with me or they'll be trouble.
Why is chocolate so bloody nice? I swear if it went extinct I'd be skinny as hell! haha.
Seriously though, I need to get my *** in gear and do something about my weight otherwise I'm gonna end up bed ridden! It's so depressing being overweight and I'm starting to ache all over.... my knees hurt, my ankles do and even my back URGH. Having a baby is NO excuse because I've put on since having Leia. Anyway, need to sort it out.
What a weekend this has been.
The BBQ went really well. Everyone there was lovely and easy to get on with.... Leia spent most of her time on the trampoline they'd put up with all the other kiddies there which was nice. Meant I got a bit of peace. Come early hourse of Sunday though it all changed. Leia was sooooooooooooo ill! It's only took 21 months for her to actually vomit in her bed (good going) and I'm so glad it doesn't happen all the time. I spent the majority of yesterday cleaning up sick and putting washing on, not good. I was fooked from being up at 4am with her. DBF has stayed off with her today though and she is just sleeping it off, bless her.
The sun is shining which is lovely but after saying I can't wait for the summer..... I really can. Unless I shift a good 5 stone (70lbs) it'll be a miserable time for all around me LOL!
Oh what a glorious day it is here on my little isle. I lovvvve it!
I'm in such a good mood.......... driving a long the sea front, looking at the beach and out to sea. It's just beautiful on a sunny day.
I'm not really sure why I'm so happy today.
I didn't get the job. Got the letter in the post last night, however, I will call for some feedback on where I went wrong.
I had another falling out with DBF on Wed too. He wanted to walk home from work which was fair enough because it was just gorgeous out but he took a detour and ended up in the pub. He was home for midnight but I was still angry because he'd been out so long. We're ok now but he's properly grating on me atm. He better be careful because I will leave him if not now, one day!
I also had another falling out with my Dad. He's such a ****!!
I'm sure he thinks I'm just being a spoilt brat, but I'm not. I just want my Dad back Me and him used to be thick as theives, we would do everything together and even went away together every March. I wanted him to have the same bond with my daughter but he appears to not give two sh*ts atm.
I text last night to see ask when we are going to see him and he said 'i'll let you know, not well'. Sorry but, WHEN ARE YOU ACTUALLY WELL????? Seriously, he's a hypercondriact (think that's the word) and yet his status on Facebook was that he was off to see Alice In Wonderland. WTF??
Whenever I say anything though I'm made to feel like I should 'act my age'. I wouldn't care if I was 80, I would still want my Daddy back
Anyway, enough of the depressing sh*t on a day I feel ACE!
Our BBQ was delievered yesterday which means lots of fun times this summer We also bought some tents when we were in the UK, only cost us a tenner, bargain! Can't wait to start camping with Leia, I know she'll absolutely love it. I used to when I was younger anyway haha.
This weekend is gonna be fab. We're going to go trekking through some local glens, can't wait cuz they are beautiful
Don't worry! I'm still feeling happy happy HAPPYYYYYYYYY!
I just felt like I had to vent about a few things though.
First of all, I WANT ANOTHER BABY! I bloody hate the fact that money stops me reproducing, oh and the fact that my DBF is a d*ck sometimes too but I don't NEEEEEED him with me after I'm pregnant LOL!! jk jk jk. I wouldn't do that to my babies. Anywaaaaaaaaay. Yea.
I so so so wish I had someone close who didn't work and was willing to watch my kid(s). MIL doesn't work but she lives in another city and plus, if she DID live near I'd prefer DD to be in nursery! Not that MIL treats her bad or anything like that, but I know she'd come home dirty (covered in her lunch and anything else she ate in the day) and that would drive me crackers. Nursery seem to keep her really clean when I actually think about it. GOOD JOOOOB! ha.
Alos, I need my own house.
Renting is ridiculous here, SO expensive and the houses aren't THAT decent either. Least the last one wasn't anyway. Ideally I would like a house that's owned by my district but it pittons to pay weekly and then I would save to buy eventually. Really hard to get one though because my district is so small and so many people want one!
Another thing, I've started being again
I only realised a few months ago that I've suffered with bulimia since I was about 17 I think. Not sure of age but it was my first year of college that I started making myself sick. I never considered it an eating disorder though as I never lost shed loads of weight and looked skeletal but I did keep weight off iykwim? Also, I go through periods where I stop and don't do it for a few months. I've definately ruined my teeth doing it and I HATE that because I used to love my teeth. They don't LOOK bad but I KNOW they are. I want to stop..... but then again I don't. Sometimes I think if I didn't do this, I would be the size of a house. In fact, I haven't done it for a few months now and I've put so much weight on it's ridiculous. Hopefully I will find an answer to it all!
Saturday was beautiful so we decided to have a BBQ. As DBF and mother were working in the morning I was left to do all the organising. I had to blow up an inflatable slide and pool with a hand pump, NOT good. Took me an hour and a half and I was knackered afterwards LOL.
There were 10 adults and 8 kids..... so you can imagine the amount of food we had to buy. Cost me a flaming fortune! Good times were had by all though
Yesterday we (DBF,I and Leia, Mum, sister and her 3 kids and Angela (sisters friend) and her 3 kids) decided we'd go to a local glen for an adventure. It's called the Dhoon and is absolutely beautiful. Below pics taken from our government website so no, those ppl weren't with us! haha.
Leading to this gorgeous beach...
I'm not sure if these pics do justice to HOW steep this glen is! The walk down was lovely, however the whole way I was wondering how I'd make it back LOL. I struggled, let me tell you. The kids, DBF and Angela made it back first... I was lagging in the middle and my Mum and sister were miles behind. I think I stopped about 4 times and almost cried as I couldn't carry on any longer hahahaha.
It was good fun though.
Next week we're tackling our tallest mountain, Snaefell.
Last edited by Minx_Kristi; 04-19-2010 at 06:47 AM.