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  1. #11
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    post #2

    I can't stop thinking about money today. It's the complete bain in my life and I hate that it decides on how you live it.

    Maybe I come across as someone who doesn't really work very hard and so I don't deserve any better? Well, I DO work hard. VERY hard in fact. My problem is that I don't know when to keep my mouth shut, so instead of me complaining about things and how they should change going for me, they go against me. I would've thought it got you places being like this but I now know it's quite the opposite.
    I've decided I'm going to keep my trap shut this year and see what happens.
    I'm totally struggling in this new role though (well, been doing this role for about a month and half) as I can't get my productivity up! I do as much work as I can but it's just not happening and this will eventually go against me when trying to apply for another job within my Employer. I have spoken to my superior but he told me what I already know! Dipstick.
    I'll bring it up with my Team Leader in my next 121.

    I can't see myself EVER owning my own house (unless I won the lotto or married a millionaire?) and that gets me so down It's horrible depending on my Mum for a roof over my head. I'd like to say I'd be able to stay here until my debts are paid off (end of next year) however the amount of times we've bumped heads already it looks unlikely. I'm trying my hardest!!

    Oh well, another day another dollar.

    xx
    Me - Kristi, 29
    DD - Leia, July 5 2008

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  2. #12
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    Default 3 fave songs of the moment...

    Pixie Lott - Gravity - DL it!!

    Gravity (x6)
    Stop pullin’ me

    I know that you still haven’t found you,
    And when I wanna stand on my own too
    Suddenly you start to show
    Signs of what is possible

    Then you’re back to your ways
    And I let me down
    Tell me why I keep tryin’a stay around
    When all my family
    They always telling me

    To be through with you
    And I know that deep down I’m callin’ time on you
    On you
    On you

    Every time I’m ready to leave
    Always seem to be
    Pullin’ in the wrong direction
    Divin’ in with no protection
    Man, you can’t keep steerin’ me wrong

    Oh gravity
    Pullin’ me back
    Pullin’ me in
    Why you pullin’ me back
    Pullin’ me in
    Just like gravity
    Gravity (x5)

    I know I betrayed but I’m made to
    Ignore the universe when I see you
    Cause every night the stars will shine
    Verging into U-turns times

    Anythin’ that they can just to change my mind
    When I pass your road I can’t help rewind
    What is wrong with me?
    All that I wanna be is

    Through with you
    And I know that deep down I’m callin’ time on you
    On you
    On you

    Every time I’m ready to leave
    Always seem to be
    Pullin’ in the wrong direction
    Divin’ in with no protection
    Man, you can’t keep steerin’ me wrong

    Oh gravity
    Pullin’ me back
    Pullin’ me in
    Why you pullin’ me back
    Pullin’ me in
    Just like gravity
    Gravity (x5)
    Stop pulling me
    Gravity (x5)

    Be quiet, let me leave, let me go
    Don’t say another word
    Cause with every sound
    You’re pullin’ me down

    Baby,
    You got a hold on me
    Like gravity
    Me - Kristi, 29
    DD - Leia, July 5 2008

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  3. #13
    Community Host Minx_Kristi's Avatar
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    Default

    McClean - My Name............. LOVE IT SO MUCH!!

    i was in the darkness waiting to be found
    my heart was locked away and beaten to the ground
    tried to find my way but there was no way out
    but when you’re close to me, whenever you’re around
    you take the pain away, you make it worth the wait
    and i pray that i will have you in my life always
    and when my hope is gone you make me keep the faith

    i guess what i’m tryna say
    baby you got me falling uncontrollably in love, never felt this way
    got my heart, my soul but baby that just isn’t enough
    hey i wanna give you my name, my name, my name (hey)
    i wanna give you my name, my name, my name
    i wanna give you my..

    my everything and all that i possess
    cos you deserve to be offered nothing less
    you know i’m there for you like you’ve been there for me
    but whenever i’m without you girl i find it hard to breathe
    you take the pain away, you make it worth the wait
    i was broken but you came along and mended me
    now that my hope’s restored and i can keep the faith

    all i gotta say is
    baby you got me falling uncontrollably in love, never felt this way
    got my heart, my soul but baby that just isn’t enough
    hey i wanna give you my name, my name, my name (hey)
    i wanna give you my name, my name, my name
    i wanna give you my..

    you take the pain away, you make it worth the wait (wait, wait..)
    you take the pain away, you make it worth the wait (wait, wait..)

    baby you got me falling uncontrollably in love, never felt this way
    got my heart, my soul but baby that just isn’t enough
    hey i wanna give you my name, my name, my name (hey)
    i wanna give you my name, my name, my name
    i wanna give you my..
    Me - Kristi, 29
    DD - Leia, July 5 2008

    I luurrrrrve to lurk!

  4. #14
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    Default

    Chipmunk ft Esmee Denters ................... another one I LOVE!

    If I had all the money in the world
    I still couldn't buy me a brand new girl I love
    Too much clubbing, not enough loving
    Too much shopping, too busy chasing this thriller
    Who's now took a lost on your winner
    Sitting there singing this song like
    You never know what you've got 'til it's gone like

    Damn, I wish I would've seen it coming
    Cause I blink for a second and you caught me slipping, Oh, Oh, Oh
    Now we're done before we even started
    Didn't know how much I missed you
    (Didn't know how much I would miss you
    I messed up the perfect picture)
    Until You Were Gone, gone, gone
    Until You Were Gone, gone, gone
    Until You Were Gone, gone, gone
    I didn't know how much I missed you
    Oh whoa oh oh oh oh oh oh
    Oh whoa oh oh oh oh oh-oh

    Let me go, Yeah

    And look still I'm here
    She left me with no idea
    I just don't get it, it's kinda weird
    How you took off quicker than my career. it's kinda left
    It took a wrong man to admit he's wrong
    Still can't do it, I just put it in a song
    So don't correct me, I know that I'm wrong
    (I just need love)
    I'm too stuck in my ways,
    And I know this ain't helping me change
    And I'm sitting here singing this song like
    You never know what you've got 'til it's gone like

    Damn, I wish I would've seen it coming
    Cause I blink for a second and you caught me slipping, Oh, Oh, Oh
    Now we're done before we even started
    Didn't know how much I missed you
    (Didn't know how much I would miss you
    I messed up the perfect picture)
    Until You Were Gone, gone, gone
    Until You Were Gone, gone, gone
    Until You Were Gone, gone, gone
    I didn't know how much I missed you
    Oh whoa oh oh oh oh oh oh
    Oh whoa oh oh oh oh oh-oh (Whooa)
    Me - Kristi, 29
    DD - Leia, July 5 2008

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  5. #15
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    April 20th 2010

    I feel miserable today. I'm having a 'i feel fat' day which isn't nice at all. I have started to try and eat a little better but I still can't help but make myself sick I don't know why, but even if I eat a salad (which I did for lunch today) I still feel really bloated and then I think OMG and actually make myself feel like I'm gonna be sick.... and so I BE sick It's so so stupid I know but it makes me feel 10x better.... at the time at least anyway.

    My Dad is adding to this I think. Me and him are forever at each other and it's really starting to get to me now. It doesn't help that my Mum will not allow him to come and see us at the house, but, I can't go against that as she is doing me a massive favour letting me stay there. I just wish that they would talk and that she didn't hate him so much
    I remember when I was younger and my friends parents split up, I used to think it was horrid and that I'd never cope with it.
    Now that I am older though, I feel like I'm expected to just accept it, but I can't. I feel exactly how I did about it when I was 8 years old.
    My Dad can't see how it's effecting me, he just sees me as being a brat and that he needs to get on with his life. It's ok for him, he has a new woman and is enjoying himself while I have to pick my Mum up after she's had a breakdown about the whole situation. That makes me get even angrier at him because he's not dealing with anything that he has caused by leaving iykwim?
    All his family (my aunt and cousins who are all in their 30s) have accepted his new partner (because they love him so my Dad says, which must mean I don't?) and none of them have ever called my Mum, or me for that matter to make sure we're ok. That's after a 26 yr marriage, loss of a child and a grandchild!!!
    My cousin Stephen who my Dad is really close to got married in January (for the 2nd time but thats a diff story!) and out of me, my sis and bro, I was the only one invited AND only to the night do!! After hearing that my Dads woman would be there too, I just couldn't go. I felt like I would be hurting my Mums feelings and betraying her, acting like all was ok. My cousin never thought of how I might feel when he invited the other woman.... but like my Dad said, it was for his sake.
    My other cousin Lynsey (Ste's sister) got her daughter christened in Feb and again, only I was invited and then she was too. I just couldn't go. So, I'm missing out on family things because I'm caught in the middle, but no-one cares how I feel!!!!!!!! It's so unfair

    My Dad has a son from his first marriage (he's 29) who he doesn't even speak to now and I think I'm starting to understand why. When my Dad met my Mum, he obviously didn;t make the effort with him that he should've and so, my half brother has grown up with all this hurt and hate towards him that he just doesn't want to bother with him anymore. I'm starting to feel exactly the same...........

    xx
    Me - Kristi, 29
    DD - Leia, July 5 2008

    I luurrrrrve to lurk!

  6. #16
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    April 21st 2010

    *sighs*

    Hurry up day and DO ONE!!!!

    xx
    Me - Kristi, 29
    DD - Leia, July 5 2008

    I luurrrrrve to lurk!

  7. #17
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    April 22nd 2010

    Whoever, IF anyone is reading this........ you must think I'm a complete drama queen!

    I'm really not though. My life is REALLY this dramatic.

    Last night, DBF decided he wanted to go for a motorbike ride with his friend from work. It was kind of nice, not wondering why he was locking himself away in the bedroom (another story!).... instead though, I was worrying about his friend crashing and the pair of them ending up like mince meat!

    I chilled with Mummy.

    She is seriously the hardest woman to be around sometimes. We were stood in the kitchen, having a cup of tea and she comes out with this.
    "I'm getting pains in my chest, so just so you know if anything happens to me I DO NOT want your Dad at my funeral!"
    Obviously I was taken aback by this and laughed out loud and then she said this.
    "I'm serious! I will know and if he is I will haunt you forever!!!"

    This is the kind of rubbish I have to put up with on a daily basis and it drives me insane. When she said it to me I told her to tell my bro and sis too.... just because he's my 'real' Dad, doesn't mean I should be the only one who has to listen to it.

    This brings me to Leia's birthday.

    I'm not sure what to do re a party. Last year we had a bouncy castle and BBQ at my Mums and my Dad came as it was amicable between my parents then. Now though, my Mum is making me feel like I cannot invite him, whether it's at hers or out somewhere. At this rate, the way me and him are bickering he won't be coming anyway, but still.
    My Dad has a large family, his sister (my auntie) her four kids (all in their 30s now) and another nephew by his brother (my uncle) who was killed in a motorbike accident years ago. They all have their own kids too between the ages of 11 and newborn. I think there's 12 altogether haha.
    Well, I would LOVE to invite them all to Leia's birthday obviously because they're all her cousins too and she is missing out on being around them. The 12 kids are all really close and I feel bad that Leia isn't a part of it I can't invite them though because they're 'My Dad's family' (mothers words) and I know she would feel so so so awkward/uncomfortable.
    I hate that I am caught in the middle of all of this. Should I do a seperate day where my Dad and his family come and then another where it's my Mum and my siblings?? I'm so confused and peed off about it all.

    Families suck!!!!!!!!

    xx
    Me - Kristi, 29
    DD - Leia, July 5 2008

    I luurrrrrve to lurk!

  8. #18
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    April 23rd 2010

    I need to get a grip of myself - pull myself together.

    So, after trying to make my relationship work, it's finally over.

    You can all say 'I told you so', not that it will help but I'll accept that I was fighting a losing battle.

    After numerous times of being back to his old ways, he stayed out until after 3.30am this morning. Being back at my Mums to try and save, the fact that she was giving us the chance to do something positive and he's basically thrown it back in her face, she flipped out at him.

    I think in a way it's a good thing, she told him what I was thinking and gave him an ultimatum (quite bad really considering he's 30 this year.... and in a way I can understand why he's mad being spoken to like a child) but rather than apologise and fight to be with me, he said he was going to move out.

    I'm not as blubbery as I have been in the past, but I think I'm in shock that this is actually the end.

    What I hate though is how they turn it round and make out like it's your fault. 'You're so negative'... 'You bring a downer on everything'......
    He seems to forget that because of him I stopped going out and because he couldn't drink like a normal human being I hated him going out. It was HIS doing NOT mine. I need to remind myself of that.

    So yep, I'm now a single Mother. How scary.
    Me - Kristi, 29
    DD - Leia, July 5 2008

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  9. #19
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    April 26th 2010

    So my weekend sucked ***.

    I went to my sisters on Fri night with my BFF, this bit of the weekend was AWESOME but I drowned my sorrows BIG TIME. Me and BFF went through a litre and a half of vodka between us Not funny and not clever.
    We had such a giggle but because I was rather merry on alcohol, I told my sister quite a few things that I would've rather have kept to myself. Stupid big mouth of mine! I also kissed a girl.... and I didn't like it AT ALL!! Again, the drink taking over me.
    BFF and sisters friend dragged me out on the razzle, I was sooo wasted whergh. I was sick before I left my sisters and when I got to the club, I didn't want anything else to drink but BFF kept buying me more. I'll admit that she bought me two vodkas and I went straight to the toilet, left one on the floor and poured the other down the sink. I kept telling her I was going home but she refused to let me at least 4 times LOL!
    I eventually managed to escape her clutches at around 2.45am and MAN did I pay for it on Sat morning.
    Luckily Leia's Dad was still around so he seen to her.

    Majority of Saturday I just layed about the house. I hate it, makes me feel SO lazy.

    Sunday we planned to climb out highest mountain..... I went and bought the picnic stuff and everything in the morning. When we were driving there though, the higher we got the worse the weather was becoming and by the time we reached it, you couldn't see your hand in front of your face! We postponed until next weekend.

    Now I'm in work, bored out of my mind and absolutely shattered. Not good.

    xx
    Me - Kristi, 29
    DD - Leia, July 5 2008

    I luurrrrrve to lurk!

  10. #20
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    post #2

    Sorry, I have stuff on my mind and nowhere else to get it out so I will do it here.

    So, all the sh*t that's gone on with DBF, I am feeling like I've suffered a death in the family. Not because he's not around, but because I can't have my 2nd child! I know this sounds completely stark raving mad, but I'm just being honest with myself.

    I am so in love with the idea of having another child, that the thought of not being able to because I no longer have a partner is killing me! Before this, I knew I couldn't because of money and living situation etc, but now, because it's been totally taken away from me I'm devastated!

    Realistically I couldn't afford to until after 2012 when DD is in school. I know situations change, heck I could win the lottery, but I won't have a man. Don't get me wrong, men are the last thing on my mind right now. I still love DD Dad..... but can't be with him right now. yes, I am considering it. Shoot me now!

    I won't though, not unless he changes completely. If I was to go back to him, it would be knowing 150% that he'd changed his ways.

    Anyway back to wanting my baby....

    I can't really plan ahead, like I said situations change so looks like I will have to wait until 2012/2013 before I can even start thinking about planning a baby. Oh and a man would HELP! lol.

    xx
    Me - Kristi, 29
    DD - Leia, July 5 2008

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