I feel like doing something exciting tonight, but I'm not sure what. Hmph.
There's a big festival on at the weekend too and I can't decide if I want to go or not. I'll have to be quick as Friday is the one I'd prefer. I hate being indecisive!
I started a new diet yesterday (slim fast) and so far so good. I can eat on this one which is better as I just can't starve myself. I hate that sick feeling when you're so so hungry! I'll admit I'm struggling with what to have for tea tonight though and because it's easy, I want McDonalds mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm haha. I'll probably make a pasta dish, although I'm sure Leia will refuse to eat it as she always does. I hate having to think of meals, I'm so boring when it comes to cooking and can't think of new recipes so end up having the same thing all the time and get really bored.
I want another baby. NOW. It's all I can think about because my SIL and a friend at work are both pregnant. Even when Leia is kicking off at me, screaming and telling me 'no!' it doesn't change my mind. I wish I knew what my situation was going to be this time next year, that way I could make plans. Realistically I'll have to wait until Leia starts school which sucks but then it's not actually THAT far away. Well, 2 years but ho hum. I need to win the lottery, that way I could have another 5. I would love to have 6 kids and if I didn't have to work because I was wealthy I'd happily do it. If only hey.
Arrrrrrrrrgh I want a Mac Ds!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am dreading picking Leia up today. She did nothing but scream from the moment we walked through the front door yesterday and I could not deal with it. I'm not very good at pretending I can't hear her haha. Please GOD let her be in a good mood tonight.
7lbs since Monday. Pretty good going I think, seeing as I have 3 days to go. Won't get my hopes up though as I'm really struggling with it!
Seriously guys, this baby fever is starting to do my head in! I want another baby THAT much that I've started to try and find ways around work and childcare. It's not working though so I am completely gutted that I will most definately have to wait until DD is in school (2012) Oh, unless I win the lotto of course but I won't get my hopes up.
I'm really p*ssed off with my friend atm. The way she speaks to me sometimes really irks me and I feel like she's deserving of a slap lately. I think I mentioned about her seeing this new guy, well, she's just obsessed with him. To the point it really isn't healthy. I remember when she split with her ex, she did nothing but moan at me and our other friend because we were always with our partners. We tried as much as we could to do things with her but it wasn't good enough and she made us feel awful! Anyway, now she's doing the same. I'm not bothered about that. She's been asking me to go and see her which I was going to on Thurs, but because I wasn't planning on staying all night she was really sh*tty with me. I let it slide and said I'd go up last night but then things kicked off with my Dad and I had to be there for him. She hasn't replied to my email and I know she's annoyed at me. Thing is, she was gonna have this new guy there too and I really don't think I want to meet him yet, until it's proven that he's not guilty of what he's being accused off! Really, do I want to sit in a room with a guy who's up for sexual assault on an adult AND CHILD??!! NO chance! She doens't undertand that though because she's convinced he's innocent. He might be but I don't know that. Oh she's just so annoying sometimes!
A good thing about today, I feel really good for losing weight and tonight I'm going to the Bay Festival to dance to JLS, Lemar and The Saturdays Would prefer Eminem ANYday but beggers can't be choosers haha.
I just hope my sister will watch Leia for me until my Mum is home from work so we can leave early enough.
I had the most god damn awful dream last night. I actually woke, thinking that it had really happened
I dreamt that somehow Andrew ended up having to get into a relationship with his BFF girlfriend Kirsty. Andrew was ok about it but she wasn't. They went into this bedroom and I was in a room that could see into it. He wanted to have sex with her but she felt really awkward, but in the end gave in. When they saw me watching, I went absolutely nuts at Andrew.... at the fact he didn't leave it an hour before trying to sleep with her and that he had to choose between us. Then I woke up. It was SO real I woke up so upset this morning Now my day just seems to be going from bad to worse.
I just read my last post. WTF is wrong with me?!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why am I dreaming things like that and letting it bother me? Ok so yea, it did seem pretty real but a dream would not normally bother me THAT much.
I'm fed up with life atm. I'm sick of having my Mum on my back about things 24/7, I'm sick of being made guilty about things by my sister when it comes to my niece. I'm sick of my Mum over ruling me when it comes to disciplining or telling Leia she can't have what she wants when she wants it. I'm tired of worrying about money and whether my Dad can come to Leia birthday in 2 weeks time. *SCREAMS*
Andrew and I went to a concert on Friday night. A band called JLS were performing and they're loved by young girls all over the UK. I'd planned on dropping leia at my sisters until my Mum could collect her at 6pm, just so we could get there in time before there was a massive queue. Sister called at something past 5 'Can Aimee come with you?' she's my 15 yr old niece but has ADHD and we think Aspergers too, so yea. Not the typical 15 yo, needs constant attention and as horrible as it sounds, can be very embarrassing! We were meeting up with Andrew friend and his GF and we're going to drink so I told her no. Well, I got the big guilt trip 'Oh that's fine, she'll go on her own!' so I was forced to say yes but wasn't happy about it AT ALL! My Mum was going to lend her money but that meant waiting for Mum getting home which would make us late so I was just furious. Anyway, Mum gets home with Aimee and goes crazy at me and said that Aimee wasn't coming with us and that my sister was pissed off at me! Yea thanks, ruin my night. If she really wanted her to go, she should have taken her herself and not expected me to when I had plans with Andrew and our friends. I'm ALWAYS expected to do everything though. I always get calls from my sister at stupid times, like 10.30pm asking if I'll pick her up from such and such a place. I feel like saying, if she has no way of getting home DON'T LET HER GO!!!!! Urrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
I used to help her out all the time before I had Leia, but now it's harder. Her kids are awfully behaved so its not fun having them when I have to deal with Leia too. I may sound like a b*tch but this is a huge issue right now. I'm sick of it!
I've calmed down after yesterday. I really was completely peed off and I'm glad I got it off my chest. I'm sure you all know what families are like, right?
I have another issue now though
Well my brother is the 'blue eyed boy' who can do no wrong. When I was arguing with my Mum about taking my niece to the concert, I mentioned my brother's name and made a point of saying that there's NO WAY he'd take her either. I got the 'oh here we go!' comment back and that infuriated me.
Anyways, DBF and I are hoping to go on a round the island cruise (hardly, it's a tiny boat) but there's chances to spot basking sharks and dolphins etc. It's 2pm until 7pm and so I really don't want to take Leia. I know she'd get bored and would start kicking off and with nowhere to go, I'd not enjoy it. So, I was stressing about a babysitter as my Mum and sister are coming to. Only option was my Dad (he's working) and my brother (didn't think he would). So I text him last night and he's like 'i text u yesterday to say i would. did u not get it?' I told him no, I never but that would be great and how did he know I needed him. He didn't reply but Mum later told me she'd asked him for me. She didn't tell me though incase he didn't want to. Then, after him saying YES to me, he called and she's all like 'don't feel like u have to if ya don't want to. you can say no if you want.' Are you serious??????? WTF is that all about?? There she was, telling me on Friday how family stick together and that my sister would do it for me etc etc, yet when it comes to her beloved boy looking after his 1 yr old niece for a few hours, he doesn't have to if he don't want to???!!!!!! Yea, nice one Mum
I might sound like the whiney little sister who is jealous or whatever but I honestly do not let it known that I feel this way. I don't want to start arguments but my god it winds me up.
His wife is pregnant (due late July/early Aug) and my Mum is totally excited about it. Was she with me and my sister? Was she f*ck!!!! Also, they came for dinner and my Mum flat out refused to let my SIL do ANYthing. She's only pregnant FFS. I don't remember her telling me to dit down and put my feet up when I was pregnant and I almost had pre-e!!!!!
Ok, this is getting out of hand but I hope you can see why I am completely miffed off and it's not just because I'm having jealousy problems LOL!!
It feels like I haven't update you lot for ages and honestly, SO much has been going on.
I got over all the tiz woz about my brother being the blue eyed boy. We didn't end up going on the boat trip as it was fully booked, but when my Mum and sister came back, they were full of awful stories so I'm rather glad I didn't get on! Instead, we took Leia to the beach and then came home to watch England get the big fat boot from the World Cup. Dyer isn't even the word lol.
As you know, Leia's birthday is this coming Monday (2, OMG!) and I have been stressing out about what to do. So, I decided it would be bouncy castle and BBQ again. However, all boucies are fully booked on the Monday so I decided for Sunday instead. Turns out it's going to POUR DOWN rain..... typical! My Mum is away all weekend (yay) so it was a bit rubbish she'd miss out but as soon as she thought we'd have it whilst she wasn't there, she gave me the big speech about how she doesn't want my Dad knowing she's away and she doesn't want him anywhere near the house etc etc etc. You know what..... I've had it UPTO HERE!!!!!! I'm passed even trying to understand how she feels now because she couldn't give 2 sh*ts about how she's effecting me and I think it's totally unfair. I was meant to go out for lunch with Dad on Sunday as I knew he wouldnt be welcome on the Monday and then when I changed to Sunday he text saying 'I guess I'm not seeing you at weekend then' ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
One person can only take so much and I think I've had my lot TBH.
So now, I'm back to square one as to what we're doing. I think I'll just do something with Leia and her Dad and f*ck everyone else off.
I had a falling out with my sister last night too. Her 'real' Dad was over visiting (went last night) and I'd gone upto hers forgetting they were there. Everytime I'm around them, he'll comment about my Mum or my Dad and be insulting towards them which I think is very f*cking rude. So he said something last night and it really annoyed me. I ended up leaving but no-one knew why and then my sister called me, I told her it was cuz they were all eating and I needed to get Leia home for her tea. I then mentioned her Dad annoyed me and she's like 'RIGHT ok, just asking. It's called having a sense of humour, some people don't have one!' so I hung up. Absolutely NO need. If anything, she should've been sticking up for the parents who rasied her, not the Dad he didn't bother until she was 21 hvaing her first child.
Seriously, I've been crap updating you. It's because I'm on holiday from work and we didn't have internet at home..... until NOW!! Oooooh yes haha.
Well, what can I say about Will Young? He was bloody amazzzzzing and is all I have thought about since the concert lol. He is absolutely gorgeous and I was completely blown away by how close to him I was. His first song, he came over and stood right in front of me. Then he bent down, looked me square in the eyes and gave me a huge cheesey hahaha. I was buzzin my boobies off!!!! Words cannot describe how fabulous he was *sighs*
Nothing much else has been happening here. I'm at the end of my tether with DBF again. Nothing to do with him drinking or owt like that, just feeling like there's nothing between us. He works 8 til 5.30pm which is fair enough but he's asleep by 8.30pm and it winds me up!! I see him for 10 min in the morning and maybe an hour at night, what kind of relationship is that??? I dunno, all is up in the air at the moment so who knows.
Sorry it's another quick one but my life ain't very exciting now. I have nothing to look forward to anymore and that's depressing in itself lol.
I'm back at work Booooooooo!! Seriously, I hate it here but I keep applying for other jobs and I'm getting nowehere. What a friggin joke. I will have to stick it out another few months and then I will apply within my Employer. Anything is better than what I am doing now.
Me and DBF are fine (I think). Do you ever just feel like you're stuck in a rut? Well, that's how I was feeling and I think still living with my Mum doesn't help at all. DBF will retire to the bedroom pretty early, in fear that my Mum is in a bad mood lol. I can understand if I'm honest why he does it. She's a nightmare sometimes. I'm saving hard so hopefully we'll be out of there soon and all my loans are paid off the end of next year wahoooooooooo!!!
I said in my previous post that I have nothing to look forward to now. Well, I fibbed haha. My SIL is due a week tomorrow so I have a new niece or nephew to meet, can't wait
I have decided that I want a holiday next year too so we're going to try and book Majorca for June/July time. HOW EXCITING?!!!!!!
My DD is turning into a stroppy teenager! LOL. This morning, we were upstairs in my room and I was trying to get ready for work. She did something she shouldn't have and when I told her to stop, she ran out of my room and into hers. I heard her say 'NO Mummy!' then the door slammed What the hell??! haha. How does she know to do that already???? I went in and told her off but she just kept doing it. I was trying so hard not to laugh but didn't let her see that I thought it was funny lol. Can you imagine what it'll be like when she IS 12/13?? I am gonna have a fight on my hands me thinks.
I booked myself a Drs appt today but couldn't get in until Aug 9th. I'm going to confess to him about my bullemia. That will be totally embarrassing and I'll feel like a failure but I have to do something otherwise it will affect me in ways I pray to god it doesn't! It's already started on my teeth...... although ppl say I have gorgeous teeth, I know differently! So yea, hoepfully we can sort it out.