Well a helluva lot has been happening these past couple of months.
Firstly, I have been sooo busy in work, trying my hardest to get my end of year grade up so that I get my bonus and hopefully pay rise in Feb! Hence why I haven't been around much. I work my a*s off and next year I intend to be paid for it.
DBF has moved out of my Mum's house. Unfortunately they just weren't getting on, what with money matters and what not. My Mum in all fairness was a total b*tch to him but that being said, we brought it on ourselves. Yea, I say 'WE' but he got it in the neck more than me which I thought was a tad mean. If I am honest, it was probably for the best as he's managed to save quite a bit of money now, I am impressed. On a downside, I am as skint as a homeless person I have had to ask my Dad to bail me out YET AGAIN and when i get paid at the end of this month I don't think I will have a penny left. As DBF has moved out, it's on me to pay everything we owe out, ie loans (we got on impulse), my car and Leia's nursery. DBF was paying it weekly but now he can't afford to now he's gotta pay rent. He keeps telling me he'll give me such and such a week but I am still waiting. Hopefully things will sort themselves out...... this time next year I will be debt free!
Leia has been a complete nightmare at night time too since DBF left. It's weird to me how they 'know' something is going on..... it's not like she never sees him.... in fact she sees him just about the same as when he lived here but if she wakes in the night it's just me who sees to her not him aswell. I am completely exhausted. Typical really, he stayed over at the weekend and she slept pretty much all the way through, then last night had me up until almost 3am before I actually got any sleep myself. I'm sure when I moan to DBF he thinks I am telling lies lol.
Oh. DBF has a really good friend and I get on great with his GF. Thing is, my BFF told me they met about 2 years ago (her and the BF) and were texting etc. She didn't know about his GF but anyway, nothing came of it. So me and DBF and his BFF and my BFF, when just us 4 were together, DBFs BFF would flirt so much with my BFF. At first I could handle it, I hardly knew the GF. However, we became real close and when she wasnt there and they flirted outrageously, it made me feel uncomfortable. GF was telling me about how he's treating her and I had to say something!! I dunno, as soon as I said it I felt bad, but I am an honest person n it was eating me up. She never took it well, but confessed he'd done this before I'm lucky she never fell out with me, instead saw me as a great friend as not many friends would do that, put their neck on the line kind of thing. I still felt horrible though.... they're working it out. I saw them both for the first time yesterday and it was AWKWARD! I hope it gets back to normal soon.... not sure how it will go when my BFF is in the equasion.
Halloween is approaching fast and we're having a PARTAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!
It's gonna be mainly for the kids but we're all getting dressed up (adults included!) Halloween has never really been for the adults here, just the kids and it's more of a scary thing than in the US. No dressing up as princesses and cartoon characters here..... you have to do scary haha. My Mum is desperate to do the Oiuja board but I am freakin out! I couldnt sleep thinking about it last night, on top of DD being a pain in my behind haha. We have all the deccies so it should be fun
Firstly, I got my family income supplement approved and I am so bloody happy!!! Just means I will now have help towards paying Leia's nursery fees and won't have to worry each month about how I am going to survive.
Secondly, I've managed to get myself mixed up in a huge bust up. DOH.
Basically, a girl I know got jumped when she was out on Sat night and she posted a pic on faceache of the top of her head. She has a massive bald patch where these girls have pulled out her hair It's absolutely shocking to look at. So, I commented in shock and said in jest 'I'll beat them up for you!' which is something I would say to any of my friends if someone had ripped their flamin' hair out, ya know? So I get a PM from a girl asking me if I am threatening to batter such and such a girl as she is her SIL. Not being able to help myself I replied with 'And? Who are you, the f*cking Queen?' WHOOPSY! haha. I just thought, don't even try and get me involved and try and intimidate me. I wouldn't fight with the girl as I don't know the full story and like I said, I was saying it in shock iykwim? So I managed to sort it out with this random girl but today, we have a big floor meeting and the girl who I supposedly threatened works there. I can only imagine the gossiping that will go on and I'll be made to feel like a b*tch. Oh, it won't bother me but I can't be doing with it. Not now I have a daughter, I have grown up and can't be doing with all of it. The 2 girls who jumped the girl I know both have kids! It's just crazy and now everyone of faceache and writing 'TEAM X'..... 'TEAM Z' as their status' LOL.
My Mum went to a great effort to put on an amazing Halloween party. She bought loads of food and decorations..... it was brilliant. The decorated house that is.
From the moment my sister entered the house, she had it in for me. I have no idea why but she always finds something to put me down for. She kept harrassing me about my camera, OMG, talk about doing my head in. Then, she had a falling out with her partner and I comforted her and tried to help them sort it out.
Roll on an hour later, she was pretty drunk and was singing really loud and dancing all over the place. I told her that when I was putting Leia to bed, the music would have to be turned down and she didn't like it. We were outside and I was eating from a plate. She started being quite lary with DBFs BFF and then was like, poking me or something. At first I was laughing, until she spat her drink all over me! I reacted and pushed her away then went inside.
She couldn't help but walk past me and call me a d*ckhead after that though. Oh and tell everyone how I had punched her in the face What a nob.
Anyway I kept my distance and bit my tongue as I listened to her slag me off and tell nothing but lies. My Mum had told her it was time for her to leave and as i sat in the kitchen with my BFF, she came over and started asking me how she was such a d*ckhead. I told her to leave, numerous times until she said it one more time and I told her to look at herself!! Next thing I know, she's grabbing my face so I hit her back in hers and she got me by my hair and pulled me onto my feet. At this point DBF jumped in to try and get us away from one another and she punched him square in the nose..... blood was everywhere! Then I got a punch in the head and now have a good ole bump on my forehead. After being chucked out, she continued to bang at the window and shout abuse at me. WTF?!
I seriously do not understand why she has so many issues. They're obviously with me and my Mum and I have no idea why. I used to think her behaviour was funny when I was younger, but now, I just think for a 36 yr old woman with 3 kids, it is pathetic. My sister has been through a lot but is that a reason to take it out on your own family?? Not a chance.
She text me to apologise this morning but TBH, I'm not ready to forgive her. She said some god damn awful things to me and it really hurt. I don't care, sister or not she was out of order!
Sister sent me a big long email yesterday, apologising again for what she did. She said she's even more upset because DBF is being so understanding where as she reckons she wouldn't be.
I'm still angry but I have chosen to forgive her. I didn't go over the events again, just told her we all love her and we're now worried for her state of mind. Apparently she has done nothing but cry and hide herself away in her room every night. This isn't good for the kids, but my Mum and I are unsure what to do! She said she isn't strong enough yet to deal with telling her DBF to leave.
My bullemia has resurfaced too It's weird, I can go for months without doing it but then suddenly something triggers it off and there's no stopping me. On Monday night, we had the left over chilli for tea and it completely turned my stomach. I was upstairs with Leia, she was in the bedroom and I told her to wait whilst I went to the toilet. I was making myself sick and turned to find Leia standing at the doorway. I don't know how long she was there or what she saw but I was SO mad at myself for letting her see me like that She knew something was weird because she looked at the toilet and said 'what's that mummy?' I just told her it was 'poo poo' but she was staring at my face, like she knew I'd been crying tears.... not sad ones as she might've thought but ones from being sick I really do not want to pass this down to her..... I need to do something to try and stop. it is so hard though.
I know I need to do something about my weight, it is seriously getting out of control! I was 210lbs when I first found out I was pregnant..... looking back, I wasn't that 'big' and even the MW signing me in was completely shocked and said I didn't look it at all. Now I am about 290lbs. I've put a helluva lot on. My only excuse is that since having Leia, my social life is no more. I never go out anymore, instead I stay in and eat take out. It's a vicious cycle.
I know what I need to do but it is really hard. When you gain weight, you're body becomes more tired and you lack the energy you once had to exercise or go out for a walk. My knees and ankles hurt like a nothing I've ever experienced. When I lay in bed at night, I can feel my neck being squashed by my booby fat. It's just gross! I've decided to give Weight Watchers a go, at least whilst I don't have the energy to exercise, I can control my food intake a little better. I have to do something before my heart packs up on me. My main reason for doing it HAS to be Leia. I want to enjoy her active life too.
Had an uneventful weekend. It was bonfire night so we got to go to a few firework displays, which is always nice as I love them. Leia was funny, kept saying 'they're a bit bangey' and then in the next breath was saying 'whoooosh, BANG! BANG!' haha.
The louder the better for me and I honestly think they're the most relaxing things to watch. I could sit for hours admiring the colours and patterns that they make in the sky.
Weather was completely rubbish. It rained all day Sat and stopped just in time for the fireworks, then we took Leia home and whilst she was in bed we watched X factor. OMG, if you're reading, you have to youtube Matt Cardle singing 'First Time Ever I Saw Your Face'..... he is absolutely astounding. Sent complete shivers down my spine and made me cry a little haha.
Sunday morning, I got a quick shower and went grocery shopping. I was SO hot but kept my coat zipped right up because I knew it actually was freezing outside haha. When I got home, I unzipped my coat and my boobs flopped out!!!! It's only then I realised I'd gone out with no bra on!!! LOL! How the heck I did that I don't know. It's like forgetting to put your shoes on for goodness sake hahaha. Dbf cooked a fry up and Leia went for a sleep so I chilled for an hour, then my friend and I went to get hair dye. I really want a change so was thinking of going that like reddy pinkish colour. It's hard to explain but I love it! I bought what I thought would be right and when my friend blew dry my hair, it was darker than when we'd started with a tint of red in it. Not impressed. As friend is a hairdresser, she's booking me into her salon to have it done properly
Last night was awful. My little island was getting blown to pieces and of course DD didn't sleep too well. A long with a bad cough she kept me up from 1am til just past 3am..... VERY TIRED LADY today.
Well I managed to last the day yesterday with success, considering the night I'd had.
DBf, me and my friend went out to watch Paranormal Activity 2. I can safely say that I thought it was brilliant!!! I love scary films and of late, nothing has done it for me but this, I actually screamed out loud at one point LOL. My poor friend was cacking herself though haha.
This is the colour I want my hair....
I have managed to find out what it is and I am buying it next week! Will wash my hair a few more times first to get this colour I have in, out and will start over. Very excited. Well, either that or the salon, can't decide!
I t was the 9th anniversary of my nieces birth/death.... I cannot believe she would've been 9! I constantly wonder what she would be like now, who she would take after and if she'd have been close to me.
My poor sister, she was feeling it. DS2 who is 5 had made pictures for her at school and had wrote her a letter to put on her grave. He was chuffed to bits to be doing something so nice.
Sister's DBF was being a usual BELLEND! My brother had invited her for tea but because the kids were only having soup for tea, he kicked off at her. If you're that bothered, get up off your lazy *** and YOU make them something!!! He winds me up. My sister was in tears.....
I hope she finds the courage and energy to leave his dead beat behind.
Things have been normal since my last update. Nothing out of the ordinary.
I can't remember the last time I saw my Dad and that's getting to me a little. My Mum (I hate to say it) is her annoying self, constantly moaning about everything and questioning anything I say.
To be honest, I think my mood is low because of what I seem to constantly hear on the news. Yet another child has been murdered by her Mother's lover. 'Catastrophic car crash injuries' is what this poor little 15 month old girl had. It really sickens and angers me that people are getting away with this on a daily basis. Why in God's name do these people have the children in the first place? How can a mother allow her boyfriend to beat her precious child to a pulp?
That poor little girl must have been petrified, with no-one to run to. Let's face it, it's not like her own 'Mummy' protected her is it? Just picture YOUR LO right now, when they've bumped their toe on the side of the chair. Their little face just cries 'Mummy, make it better!' Now imagine that 15 month old..... it's actually UNimagineable
So many couples out there want children and so many children want a loving home to live in. It is heartbreaking that NOTHING can seem to be done about this happening so that the 'unwanted' child isn't eventually killed by their maker.
I want another child SO much and when I read and hear about these poor defenseless children it actually makes my heart, my body ache. I WISH I could do something...... but what good am I? One person against 100s and thousands of people hurting these babies every day!!!