I've been trying to update for days but I'm either too busy or there's too many people around to do it sneakily.
So last Wed, J admitted to K that he had been texting B. He never went into details, just said they'd been texting in general. He knew I knew everything though which is why he said something. K called me and asked if B had said anything to me and I had to lie and say no. I wasn't about to say anything after the sh*t I got last time for opening my mouth. Anyway, K came upto mine on the Thurs to tell me exactly what J had said and in the meantime, B asked me to tell her they'd been meeting up.
I felt so bad telling her but I thought she had the right to know that her bloke is a piece of sh*t!! She was gobsmacked, as you would imagine and got so angry and upset. She started talking about J in a nice way though and I was telling her, get a grip. She asked me if I thought they'd slept together and I told her B hadn't told me right out but wasn't it obvious? Anyway, I ended up telling her they had because again, she was talking like she was going to take him back! From Thurs to Sat, J was begging her to take him back and swearing blue in the face that nothing has been going on. He is know living in a room and has (since Sat) and has been seeing B every night!!! I am so angry about the whole thing and can only imagine what K is feeling.
I'm still friends with B, I mean, she's done nothing to me but I have made it clear I disagree with it all. Her uncle is having a house party tomorrow and she has asked me to go. In fact, she asked me last week if I would and now, she wants me to go knowing J will be there too. Not a chance in hell will I be doing ANYthing with them as a couple. Firstly, it would feel weird because I've only ever known J & K as a couple, so to see J with B would p*ss me off. Plus, K and I are very close now and I couldn't betray her like that. J & B will never last. They've got together causing nothing but lies and he's been lying to her saying he wants nothing to do with K, when in fact he's wanting sex off her still and wants her to take him back. He's just a complete NOB!!!!!!!!!! J is DBFs BFF and even he wants nothing to do with them together, so, if they want to lose us as friends then they can crack on.
So yea, such a mess. I am so mad that it's still going on, and that they have no regard for K's feelings. As long as they're getting what they want they couldn't give a flying f*ck. Why are people so selfish? If J had just left K and then met someone, fair enough, but to stay and make her believe they have a r/s to work on and then sleep with someone so close in our group of friends, it's just unreal and disrespectful. B reckons she rly likes him because she'd never normally go near someone elses fella. BS!!! She was sleeping with a married man a few months ago. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I hate women like her and most men are like him, does my head in.
Apart from all of that, things are as normal as ever. All work and no play. I can't wait for these next few months to just p*ss off and I pray to God J & B don't last.
If I'm honest, I am sick to my back teeth talking about the cheating scum bag and what is going on. For all who are curious though hehe. J is still stringing them both a long, making K think he wants her back and then leaving hers and going straight to B's house. What a c*ck ey? I don't want to know anything anymore because it winds me up and I have my own stuff to think about.
I have a feeling that I might be pregnant. Although, it's very early days but I think I'm getting symptoms! My boobs feel fuller and a tiny bit sore, I've had an upset stomach, my back has been hurting me and I am majorly tired. Today, I have really bad cramping pains that are starting to go into my right side and around my back. I don't know, I could be wrong and could be looking too into it, but we shall see.
It sounds really bad, but for selfish reasons I kind of hope I'm not. Don't get me wrong, oh my god I would love another baby! If I had the money I would have a brood now. DBF and I were stupid though and had an oopsy. I don't believe in the morning after pill, if it happens it happens and I will have to make it work and the baby would be totally wanted and loved, but ideally it would be better if I was mistaken. I will have to wait and see!
My Dad got in contact with my Mum yesterday and basically told her, in not so many words that the house will need to be sold. I feel so sorry for her because although I understand what my Dad is saying re not being able to afford to carry on paying the mortgage, he put her in this situation and she is on a quarter of what his salary is. She is very worried, which is understandable and I so wish there was something I could do for her
I'm also worried about my Dad too. He sent me a msg on FB saying something like "hgjkzsfchefu" so I replied and heard nothing back from him. Then I sent him a text asking if he was ok as I was worried and he still hasn't replied. He is always ill, I hope it's nothing serious! I can't wait to have my own place so that he can visit whenever he pleases.
So it's almost February! Cannot believe how fast this year is going already. Feb means bonus/pay rise at work and I hope to god I get one or the other.... or both would be nice! I got sweet FA last year thanks to my nob head team leader so this year I have worked my arse off. Lets just hope it pays off or I will be maaaad lol.
Only 6 months until Leia is 3, oh my giddy ant. Where does the time go??
So I was scanning the job site for my local Government and came across a job to work in the Emergency Control Room!! I am so frickin excited and I am defo applying. I have until Wednesday to get my CV tweeked, wish me luck!!
Well, I never went for the Gov job in the end because it was shift work and it would've been a nightmare to sort care for Leia. Nevermind, I'm sure something else will come up and I am ok where I am for now.
The shanannigans are still happening, although I stay out of it as much as I can. All 3 of them are just gonna end up hurting themselves.... oh and miss out on an amazing summer with us lot lol. I will make time for all of them seperately, but together? Not a chance in hell!
I have decided that I am going to get a loan to help me move out of my Mum's. I just can't bare it any longer, which I know sounds awful and makes my Mum out to be a horror. At weekends though, when it's pouring down rain outside I feel like I HAVE to go out so she won't have a moan at me. It's not a healthy situation to be in for myself or for Leia. I am going to see someone today after work so I have everything crossed. I don't care about having to pay it back - it'll help me in the long run.
Leia is turning into a right monkey! They say girls are bossy but boy oh boy, I have my hands full with this one LOL. Her bestest friend at nursery is a boy and because he isn't as vocal as her, she gets very frustrated with him. It's a shame really because her and him are inseperable and love each other so much, but they are being seperated thanks to Leia being too domineering haha. It'll break her heart.
Not much else to report, just the usual day to day. For once, my life is not like a soap opera haha.
Well, what a boring old weekend I had. The weather was pants as per usual so we spent 3 hours in the Fun Barn (an indoor play area) with Leia. She had tons of fun, me not so much. My arse was soooo numb from sitting for so long lol.
Yesterday, I helped my Mum clear out my neices bedroom. Don't even ask why we were doing it, but anyway... 5 bin bags worth of junk came out of a box sized room!!! Unreal.
Around 5pm ish me, the boyf, K and J went to visit our friends Ryan & Lisa who had a gorgeous baby girl on Friday morning. They named her Cara and she has loads of jet black hair, adorable!!
I f*cking hate my job right now, the people and everything about it just stinks. The sooner I am out of here the better.
Have you ever been so angry you want to knock someone the f*ck out? Or so upset that you can't breath?
This is how I am feeling right now.
I text B yesterday to see how she was as she's been off work not well and she replied with 'i'm feeling awful, but can't tell you anything yet, need to see you face to face'. I started to worry and asked her if she was pregnant but she ignored me and continued to do so the whole night. Meanwhile K called and she sounded very upset so I asked what was wrong and she said she couldn't tell me. So then I knew! K came upto see me last night and she was in tears She's moving back to the UK (she moved here for that ****!) as soon as next week. She could cope him being with her, but not seeing her pregnant and once baby is born. Afterall, her BF of 9 years cheated on her with B!
I am so upset for her and so angry too. I would never tell B what to do but if she thinks for one second it will last with her and J, she's as thick as they come!!!!
When I read other journals, I think about how lucky I am that I haven't endured some of the things they have. I've experienced loss like many but not of a child. I couldn't even comprehend it.
As much as I try and think I have it better than some, it's hard to think like that all the time. Things get on top of me and I feel like it might aswell be the end for me. Stupid huh. I'm one of those people who will bottle everything up, even in heated arguments with people when they may get nasty, I'm not one to throw things back in peoples faces. I don't see the point of hurting people that way, what does it gain? Nothing. It just hurts people and then those words said so hastily can't be taken back.
I had a big blow out with my Mum 2 nights ago. She is like a man who's drunk who can't handle their drink when she goes off on one. Really nasty with what she says. That's the problem, I can move on from it but I can't forget iykwim?
So yea, I'm going to view a place tonight that's £850 per month (1360.87USD) rather expensive but I don't care, it has to be done. I know the couple who own it so I will try and get them to lower the price but it won't be by much I suspect. Worth a try hey.
My friend has moved back to the UK now and boy do I miss her. She seems a lot happier though.... as for Beth she is keeping the baby and I will be there for her as much as I can. He's f*cking off which was inevitable really.
Well, we have gone for the bungalow I fell in love with it as soon as I saw it (which I knew was gonna happen!) so we said yes straight away lol. It is lovely, just needs a bit of TLC and will look fab. Can't wait to do a room up for Leia.... she has a lovely room at my Mum's but we were never able to paint it (she wouldn't let me!) so now we can do what we like We have the keys already so we can move some stuff in but we don't move in until the end of the month.
We're all moved in and I couldn't be happier...... well I could but when it comes to living I am chuffed lol.
Leia has been the bain of my life the past couple of weeks.... always grumpy, throwing hissy fits, screaming, hitting, trying to bite. On Monday I was ready to walk out! I honestly used to think 'my child won't be like that, she will do as she's told' when Leia was months old. Why would anyone believe their child is going to be any different? lol. Last night she actually went to bed when I told her to and slept all through the night
I'm still totally pissed off with the whole cheating situation. The latest is that I have told J that B isn't good enough for him and he should f*ck off back to the UK to be with K. Are you having a laugh?? I HATE the boy so wouldn't even acknowledge him in the street, nevermind go out of my way to tell him something like that. I do hope he f*cks off but he probably knows that without me telling him. He has told B he is going back to the UK to try and get K back and yet she still lets him use the heck out of her. What a silly girl. I feel so sorry for that baby!