I found out yesterday that I didn't get the job So disheartening BUT, I have to remember a lot of people go through rejection and some people are just very lucky to get the job after one interview! I WILL get a job, I'm just not sure when.
DD started back at school yesterday in her first proper year (reception) and she loved it. She looked so cute in her uniform, I can't quite believe how fast these years have gone! Her Dad picked her up and when I got home, she was super tired and was giving me attitude because she "couldn't be bothered" talking to me! One day..... imagine the next 12 years!! haha.
I have been given compassionate leave to attend her nursery teacher's trial. Not sure how I feel about going tbh!
I've been doing 0730-1500 the past week so I can pick DD up from school, and I am knackered!!! It's hit me like a ton of bricks today and I'm struggling to stay awake at my computer..... if only I could go home and straight to bed. Those were the days hey? I feel bad saying it because I love DD too bits, but sometimes I would love a week where life was not so hectic. She is the biggest grump when I collect her, so late afternoon/evening is difficult for me! She wants to go see people but of course everyone is still in work and so she moans about that. She wants to go play in the park but it's chucking down rain, she moans about that. I can't let her friend come play as DBF is still in bed, she moans about that. My god, I must have the patience of a saint!
Still no luck on the job front, but I have sent my CV out to a million and one places. FINGERS AND TOES CROSSED!
I had a lovely, quiet weekend.
DBF's friend had asked if we wanted to take the kids out on Sat day time...... I wasn't up for it as the house work had piled up after being so tired last week. So, to my surprise, DBF decided he would go with his friend and take DD with him! I was so happy because it meant I could get stuck into cleaning with no interruptions haha. In went my head phones and 4 hours later, my house was spot less! lol.
Sunday, we took a drive down south of the island and although the weather wasn't great DD got to play on the beach haha. She just loves to be near the water, chucking stones in the sea and running away from the waves. I want simple things like this to always make her happy...... material things are not important!
On Friday, a co-worker of mine left (due to redundancy) to start a new job. He had told me it's this new company that's just been set up and he mentioned who had interviewed him. Well, I know her! So, I emailed her yesterday morning and she came b ack to me to say that in the next 4-12 weeks she will be employing more people so she will be in touch. She also asked me what my expected salary would be and how much notice my current employer would need if I was to get the job. Pleeease cross everything for me because I am losing faith.
Another company (similar to where I currently work) called me today. I sent my CV (resume) to them as I was having trouble applying through their website. Turns out, because I have something on my credit report they won't employ me. What a pain in my a$$ that is. I could understand if it was because I owed $20,000 to someone but no, it's like $100..... which atm I can't afford to just pay off, GRRRR.
Halloween is fast approaching and when I asked DD what she wanted to dress up as, her answer was a Pumpkin! haha. She is so random.
You know what, I properly hate the witch. I was so down in the dumps yesterday, I felt like going to the Doctors and asking to be signed off work until I leave at the end of the year.
Apart from on here, I don't really let people know my true feelings. I put on this charade like I'm the happiest person in the world, when really I'm dying inside worrying about everything from getting a new job to owing money It seems like these worries are never going to disappear from my life, I never have enough money to pay off my debt and yet DBF thinks he has it bad paying our rent!
Urgh, I am booking a holiday tonight and I don't care if it leaves me with nothing because I NEED it more than you will ever know.
I need to stop being such a miserable b*tch. Apologies to anyone who actually reads this thing.
I booked my holiday on Friday night 10 nights, all inclusive in Majorca..... very happy bunny. DD keeps asking me "Are we going on holiday today?" though, bless her.
Still no success with any jobs I've applied for. I know this one place I'm kind of holding out for said they'd be in touch within the next 4-12 weeks, but damn, I am so sick of waiting. I need to get out of here before I end up in balla crackers (our mental hospital is called Ballamona btw haha.
DBF has turned into a fitness freak ever since I he knew I was definitely booking our holiday. He went out and bought a weights.... thingy... with a pull down thing and a bench where you push the weights up..... I'm so not into all this health malarky, BUT, he has inspired me. Since seeing him do so well, I decided I could do it too so it's been salads galore in our house haha. I start boxercise tonight which I am so excited for!
Not really much else to update on. Plus, I might just fall asleep at my desk so I'll chat with you all later.
I was feeling completely p*ssed off last night, like the world owed me a favour or something. I know it couldn't be further from the truth, but I felt like the only person on the world struggling to stay afloat, affording to live! I knew I was going to be on my as* after paying for my holiday but on my way home from work my petrol (fuel) light came on then when I got home my electricity had cut out (we pay by a meter) and then I realised I had no bread..... I felt angry.
I really want to better myself ie take a night course at college but it costs a fortune for one year, let alone doing it over 3 and yet my friend who has given up work started a night course last night in book keeping which is being paid for by the Gov a long with her rent and most of her bills! I don't want to be bitter but I can't help it. I have worked since the age of 12 in my Uncle's hotel helping through the summer months serving up breakfast to the guests and then cleaning the rooms. When I was 16 I started working in a restaurant, which I loved. It built my confidence up so much and the people I worked for and with were like my second family. When I was 18 I got my first proper job in the nursery where DD has been attending and again, I loved it. I get on great with kids, maybe it's because I'm immature haha but we click, there's no doubt about it. Aswell as this, I was still working in the restaurant 3 nights a week plus sat and sunday nights. I then decided to start working in a nightclub, only on a Sat night but I needed extra pennies as the nursery job was not great money. So, mon-fri I did the nursery, mon-wed-fri and sun nights I worked the restaurant and on a saturday night I was in the club. I loved all three jobs but it was getting difficult to juggle them all, so that's when I applied for my role in the bank. I was coming up 20 and it was my first proper job interview.... I was ecstatic when I got the job. At this point, I was doing less work in the restaurant and had moved to a bar. I ended up packing in the club job and eventually it dwindled down to me just being at the bank. I did try and go back to the bar but it had changed so much since I worked there last so I only lasted 2 weekends.
My point is, I have always been a very hard worker and I feel like none of it has paid off. Here I am at the age of 28, being made redundant and struggling to get another job. It makes me feel like I'm sh*t.... I must be a sh*t person mustn't I?? I don't get WHY I'm not being successful??? I know lots of other people are applying for these jobs too, but surely my 8 years experience account for something??? It's demoralising. It really is.
Then I start thinking of my family. I have my DD who I love more than life, but I want to add to her and I KNOW she would love a little brother or sister. It's impossible for me to do though! How could I get pregnant knowing I won't have an income eventually? If I get a new job, I'm pretty sure you have to have worked with the company for 2 years before you can get maternity pay... arrrrrrrgggghhhhh!!!!!! All I want is a nice house (which I have atm) with lots of my own children running around me. Why can't life me like the movies??
I then read the news about ANOTHER child who's been killed by their parents...... it makes me unbelieveably angry.
Sorry it's been so long guys.... Feels like I have been mega busy! I have SO much to fill you in on but let me start with this.....
I AM SO F*CKING LIVID RIGHT NOW *STEAM IS ROLLING OUT OF MY EARS, MOUTH AND NOSE!!*
DBF and I have been getting on amazingly..... he has been paying for everything due to me not getting my child benefit weekly(everyone gets it in the UK) and I have made clear to him that I really appreciate him helping me out without moaning about it. Last night, I asked him if he still needed me to give him $100 when I get paid at the end of the month. I only asked because I bought us a new bed that I need to pay and I owe bits of money here and there which will leave me with hardly anything. Anyway, rather than a yes or no response, he flipped out on me!! He called me a c*nt.... can you believe that? I went mental, how dare he when he knows how disgusting I think that word is?!! It just shows the little respect he has for me, if any. Anyway, he left for work with is on a bad note and then he text me askign if we were going to make up. I told him that I didn't want to argue but not to talk to me until he could apologise..... I'm still waiting.
I get to work at 7:20am and the weather was unreal this morning, dark, windy and chucking it down! He rings me and starts shouting down the phone about having to walk DD to school in such sh*t weather, how she'll get soaked and how her umbrella is blowing inside out etc etc. Well, what the hell do you expect me to do when I'm AT WORK?!!!!! So I told him he had to sort it out and then he hung up on me. I called my Mum who said she would collect them and when I tried to call him back, he ignored my calls...... then he called me and said he'd started walking, whilst still moaning about DD getting drenched. Talk about making me feel like a bad Mum!
Now, I'm getting texts about money, how it's a p*ss take he has to pay for everything yada yada. If his attitude wasn't so stinkin', I'd give him his due but why should I when he's being so vile and telling me I HAVE to do this and I HAVE to do that?!!! What ever happened to the men who were proud to be able to support their family?? Pfft, he's so money orientated it's unreal.
We had an even bigger row the next night We were blanking one another and I eventually broke my silence.... but it escalated in me chucking DDs doll pram at him and him chucking it back. It's bad. I'm not a thrower, but he made me so angry!! He's currently grovelling - I'm so upset because we have been getting on amazingly and you know what, it's because he hadn't moaned once *sighs*
It's so embarrassing always writing here about how pants my relationship can be. You all must think I'm a complete DIV "leave him!" "think of your DD" "you can do better"..... it's so much harder than just walking away though. I'm still not ready for that.
On a more postive note..... sort of.
My employer advised me a couple of weeks back that I'm no longer at risk of redundancy!
I'm back on a calmer note.
We managed to sort out sh*t out and haven't argued since that day. We're getting there (I know, was nearly ready to throttle him a few weeks back) and he is understanding that moaning about things will not change anything. Hopefully this will last....
I cannot believe it is almost Christmas! We decided to host this year so I have my whole family coming to ours for dinner I am soooo happy about it.... This year will be WAY better than last.
So yes, like I said in my PP... my employer advised me a few weeks back that I no longer need to find a new job as I am keeping my current one!! Talk about shocking me into silence! I am obviously delighted I have a job still and don't need to stress anymore, but they could have gone a better way about it.
We got a kitty cat on Saturday from our local animal shelter. She is just over 8 weeks old, has bengal cat markings but is grey and black. We have called her Misty... I am so in love with her as is DD
DD started gymnastic classes on Sunday morning and she LOVED it! The teacher gave her a sticker for being so good and for listening really well and trying everything she was asked to. I was so proud..... hopefully she'll be an Olympian one day JOKES, I'm not that bad of a parent.
Well, that's the update.
I can't believe it's been over a month since I last updated here!
There's not much really going on here if I'm completely honest. The usual business of work and no play.
Things with DBF have been a lot better, although I have to say he is one misery guts. He moans about everything from a plate being left in the sink to the cat getting it's litter everywhere. Seriously, how is moaning going to solve anything?! If anything, it brings me down..... imagine living with someone and hearing nothing but "oooh that effin cat.... babe, why haven't you washed that cup?.... I've only have 6 hrs sleep...." SHUT THE FUDGE UP!! He's like Jekyll and Hyde, seriously.
I haven't seen my friend B since Nov 7th, her daughter's 1st birthday. Everytime we arrange to meet up, she cancels on me so I decided to quit contacting her. She then text me last Wed and said we should meet before Xmas so when I told her I'd come on Thurs evening, she never replied. I never turned up and she asked why I let her down! Whatever. Her and J are getting on atm so it's expected really.
I'm sooo excited to see DDs face in the morning
Merry Christmas to you all!!
We had such a good Christmas!!
I was having the family round mine for dinner and boy was I nervous. My Mum had bought everything (helped by us with vouchers) and she brought it all upto mine about 2 days before. It was all sat on my cooker, defrosting and I am thinking "where the heck am I plating all this up?" haha. My kitchen is big but there's hardly any work surface!
It turned out to be a success, although I couldn't have done it without my Mum. She's just the best and I love her so much. I should probably tell her more often than I do!
I'm finding life really difficult at the minute, if I'm honest. Not that I don't want to live or anything ridiculous like that.... I want another baby and I want to get married but these 2 things seem a million miles away. Especially when it seems that everyone around me is pregnant or engaged I need a romantic Prince to sweep me off my feet and do the needful!
Another 2 whole months have flown by!! This always seems to happen to me haha.
So much has happened, it's hard to know where to start - we all know my life is such a soap opera.
The last couple of months have been a major struggle for me. I actually believe that I am depressed but come on, it is so embarrassing for me to admit it. I actually had a conversation about it with DBF and I couldn't help myself from crying like a baby! His words were "life isn't that bad" and right there, he confirmed why I am too scared to tell anyone, let alone a professional.
I don't think I have a bad life, I mean I do struggle financially but I have a job and I have a roof over my head. The main issues are my relationship with DBF..... We still bicker all.of.the.time and it is waring! I try my best to ignore him but it is hard work sometimes, especially when I just wanna shake him and tell him to wise the hell up.
Another issue is my relationship with my Dad. We fell out again, for the millionth time and it was because I asked if I could visit him with DD and he told me no. It really hurts my feelings and he is constantly making out that I hate his new woman which is not the case. I just don't see why I need to have a relationship with her if I want to have one with him.
Lastly, but mainly it is my body issues.
I am constantly dieting and I will do really well and then, for whatever reason I fall off the wagon and everything I lost I gain again. I walk around looking like a tramp because I have no clothes and I hate buying clothes in plus sizes. I thought my holiday would motivate me and for a few weeks it did, but like I said I fell off for some reason and now I can't get back on it. It's a vicious circle, I feel down and I don't want to go out of the house.
I do go out of the house though, especially now that the weather has gotten a tiny bit better. Plus I have DD to think about and I can't have her going stir crazy too haha. We're always somewhere with each other and it is good for the soul, for both of us.
I love her so much ya know. She has been so good at school lately and she has made some really close friends. She is also attending gym classes which she loves and I always feel so proud watching her tackle the moves. I would like to get her into some sort of dance classes but I will wait another while and until she starts asking to join them lol.
That's about it anyway, I'm sure I'll think of more later!
It was Mother's Day this past weekend.
I reeeeally wanted Breaking Dawn part 2 or JT's new album but neither were out on time - boooo! DBF, I mean DD gave me some money to get both when they go on sale.
We went with all the family for a carvery at a place called Niarbyl. It was delicious and the views from where we sat were beautiful, oh and it snowed too to add to the lovliness of it all.
It was 10 weeks yesterday until our holiday - I cannot wait to get away for a while and enjoy doing nothing. I still have quite a few bits I need to get but I'm sure by the time it is here I will be all sorted. If not, as long as I have our passports it's just tough if I don't have enough clothes haha. I'll most prob be living in my swimming attire anyways.
Did I mention that we got a cat? I don't think I did but yes, we got Misty from the local animal shelter back in Oct when she was about 7 weeks old. DD absolutely loves her too bits and luckily Misty is really good to let her cuddle, kiss and pick her up. She is tabby in colour but instead of stripes, she has spots like a snow leopard. She is gorgeous. She has a poorly right eye where the second eye lid doesn't open all the way, but it doesn't affect her too much. It just waters more than normal - the vet said they will see how it is when she's fully grown. We had to take her to the vet last night because I noticed she was limping on one of her back legs. She's just recently been spayed and so has been going outside and I think she may have fallen from a fence in our back garden. The vet said nothing serious was wrong thank goodness and gave her an inflammatory shot just to be safe.
Errrm, that's all for now folks.
6 WEEKS TODAY!!!!!!!!!! WAHOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
I am soooo sick of the cold now, this holiday could not come soon enough. 6 weeks though, oh my god hehehehehe.
Leia is super excited, it is all she talks about - but then it's all I talk about too hahaha.
10 days to play in the pools, sunbathe with a cocktail, play on the beach, jet ski, go out for food, be warm lol.... awww it will be lush!
The most exciting thing about it though, is that me and DBF are trying for another bambinoooo!! No wondering if I am by mistake, but actual TRYING, ooooh YES!! I am praying to GOD that this happens for us.
I'm doing it again! Like facebook, only updating when sh*t hits the fan. That way, I look like a right depressing cow bag *hmph*
Guaranteed, when the witch arrives I have an emotional meltdown and everything that reeeeeally bothers me comes to the surface.
Why can't things just be normal around here?
I have such a huge family, yet I can count on one hand the people in it who bother with DD and I. My Mum, sister and brother and that's about it. I will forgive my uncle because he lives away - he bothers when he is here and she loves him.
So, my Dad's wedding was in March and I went a long - more for myself so that I didn't feel guilty. It was awkward as hell, even with the extended family because I know they did not expect me to show up. My auntie, who I used to be very close with barely spoke to me. When she did she said "You're brave! You're going to get battered for this aren't you?!" Errrrm, NO, I'm an adult making the decision to be there - and what kind of woman do you think my Mother is?!!! I'm still livid about it now and it was 2 months ago she said this. I wanted to go see her and talk about it but I can't pluck up the courage. She'll just tell me to get a grip and stop acting like a child, but she doesn;t know the half of it. She never once asked me how I was when my Dad left.
It's sad because when I was in labour with DD, my auntie was by my side helping me breath through my contractions and she was in the delivery room straight after I had her. Now, she doesn't seem interested. I realise she has her own kids/grandkids but I don't know. I honestly don't know what I expect, I just know that it isn't the way it was and I hate it.
What should I do? Should I go and see her like nothing happened? I have to get over it I suppose.
On a happier note, 1 week and 4 days until my holiday
I feel really angry today.
Don't get me wrong, DBF pays our rent and gets food in every week (when I have no money left) and I appreciate that a lot. However, it still doesn't make it right when he uses my iTunes password to d/l music onto his phone.
I am such an idiot. I got the iPhone just before Christmas in 2011 on contract - DBF and I had seperated and I felt like treating myself. He was so jealous and ridiculed me about it! Anyway, one of my monthly payments bounced and after that I never caught up with paying it off. I'd also dropped it at worked and shattered the screen so I left it in the cupboard for a while thinking 1. I couldn't use it as I only had a pay as you go sim and 2. no point in getting the screen fixed.
We obviously got back together and his phone was a POS - what did I say? "If you get the screen fixed you can have my iPhone". Why - because I'm a soft a$$. My iTunes was obviously set up on it and I noticed I started getting emails telling me I'd spent such an such an amount and on what songs. I told him to either stop it, or just ask if it was ok to use. The last thing I want is to keep going over drawn on my account - it just doesn't look good! Anyway, he continued so I changed my password. Why I didn't think of it sooner I have NO idea. Then I gave it to him again because he promised he only wanted to get a free app but that he couldn't even do that without knowing my password. So I check my emails this morning and there goes another $15, taking me overdrawn. No sorry or nothing. He does not get my point - ask me first. Urrrrrrrgh. I have changed it again which I know will p*ss him off but OH WELL. If you can't respect what I ask of you then it's your own DAMN fault!
My life is a mess. There's no light.
I can't handle all this bull sh!t anymore.
I'm always questioning myself as a person because of the nasty things that are said to me.
Is it me? Am I the one causing all this? Of course I am, according to YOU. I'm every fat b!tch under the sun in your eyes.
I can't BELIEVE you called me that - I mean, who the F|_|CK do you think you are? I can deal with pr!ck, nob, a s shole..... even c unt, but fat? I never thought you would go there and man, did it hurt.
And YOU! That is the role you have to play, whether you like it or not. There's a million others playing the exact same role and they're not asking for some special medal because they've done oh so much! No one owes you anything, you owe US for bringing us into this sh!t. We didn't ask to have you, but you ust have wanted us at some point. How can you just walk away and then blame it on us? That is the cowards way out - you like to play the victim afterall. Your doing is OUR fault, pffffft.
I found out last night that a really old friend of mine has cervical cancer.
I feel like such a t-w-a-t because it took her posting the news on facebook for me to get in contact. Makes you realise that life is too short and that you should always make the effort with new and old friends.
I met Grace working in a local restaurant. We clicked straight away, she was cheeky, witty, rebellious (not in a naughty way) and just an all round amazing girl. We were inseperable, I've never laughed so much - we had the metalist nights out and usually in our restaurant uniforms. We must have been gorgeous when we were younger because we always managed to get guys, even when we stunk of food! haha.
I remember it was TT week and we had gone out after finishing up in the restaurant. We met some Irish guys and I was in love with one inparticular, he was beautiful! I was always had a complex about myself so never for one second believed he would like me, but Grace was there to egg me on haha. We ended up at their flat and when I had gone to the bathroom, I came out to find this guy waiting for me. My heart skipped a beat and when I told Grace, she was sooo giddy for me.
It wasn't all about boys though, just laughing and talking s-h-i-t is what we were best at
We both have children now so our lives are completely different to how they used to be - I can't wait to meet up with her and reminise.
Wow, this year is flying by!
Since I last updated, my friend started her treatment..... 8 weeks after being diagnosed. I personally think that is shocking as she found out she has stage 3 She is so positive about it all but she has to go over to mainland UK for the treatment, which means lots of time away from her family. Also, she has to live in the hospital as she can't afford a hotel and her uncle lives too far away from the hospital for the Government to cover the costs. So so wrong. Anyway, we've started fundraising for her so that her partner and DS can visit as much as possible.
My BFF who I've known since we were 4, got married on July 26th. I wasn't invited to the day do which honestly, broke my heart but I made the evening do and boy it was emotional! I rekindled some old friendships and it was like being kids again Just what I needed to bring me up from the down trodden mood I've been in.
My other friend who I have mentioned numerous times in this blog, got engaged to her a-hole boyfriend and they are marrying on Valentine's day GAG. I still firmly believe it is all to prove what they did was worth it. As much as I will not be there out of choice, it still hurts to know that our friendship will never be what it was. I guess that's all apart of growing up though and I just have to get over it.
I need to concentrate on myself from now on - eat b etter, exercise more and I'm sure all will roll into one.
Arrrrgh, I feel like this year is speeding away with itself and I can't keep up!
Today I am MAD! Why? Well for numerous reasons really. Now look, I know I'm not perfect but I am the type of person who would save someones feelings or include them when no one else really wanted them around - I'm a bit of people pleaser to be honest, although believe me, I take no sh*t either!
I just don't get people. I don't 'get' parents who can abandon their children. I don't 'get' people who are petty and fall out over the silliest of things. I don't 'get' why people like drama in their lives or why they are so selfish. Seriously, what is wrong with people!!!
You know DBF and I have a rocky relationship, well it's actually been great lately. We sorted out the main issues and we're working together, for now. As much as he can be an absolute twit I still love him and care about him and I hate seeing him hurting. Without saying too much, he was let down massively by his parents. Mainly his Dad, who even now is in and out of his life. His mum made bad choices re men and her life style and DBF suffered because of it. He is angry. I don't mean angry where he shouts, I mean, he wants to kick the you know what out of someone. The anger he has is clearly from his past and believe me, I never let it be an excuse for anything but I DO want to help him. It breaks my heart to see him crave his mum's attention but then make out to me that he can't stand the woman. All he wants is a relationship with his Dad, but he knows deep down that he probably won't ever see him again before he evetually passes. His elder sister, someone else he holds complete hatred towards - but noone knows where she is, whether she is dead or alive. His baby sister who he is clearly jealous of because she never suffered the same way he did - he has issues with all of them and not one of them seem to give a damn.
It's his 33rd birthday today and he's not heard from any of them. He says he doesn't care but I know it is eating him up inside I just don;t know what to do!
I really need to set a date in my calendar to remember to update here! I used to be so good at it, but life like I said in the PP is flying by. I wish it would slow down - I'm the big 3-0 next year, eeeeeeek.
Not much has been going on since my last update - we had a busy few weeks re our birthdays and we went to see a famous UK comedian at the beginning of Oct. He was hilarious, just what I needed at the time.
Things with the MIL are getting worse. A few weeks back after one of her tantrums, she sent DD loads of kids magazines and some sweets - I text her to call me, which she did and she spoke to DD. It seemed like I'd managed to clear the air with her and I thought her and DBF had been speaking and getting a long. I asked him only this weekend if he had heard from her and he said she had called, but he'd missed the call because he was still sleeping (he works the night shift so is asleep in the day).
With DBFs Dad being absent in DDs life, MIL living away and my own Dad not bothering his arse, my Mum does so much for us. From babysitting, to getting things DD needs, to things she thinks we need around the house. Nothing big, just little things like kitchen untensils.... she bought me a sponge the other day because she said the one I had in the bathroom was probably contagious hahaha. That's just what my Mum is like! She asked me what me and DBF would like for Christmas and I told her we were desperate for new bedding ie a duvet, pillows and sheets etc. So, she ordered them straight away and I took them on Saturday. They are sooooo comfy, just so ya know haha.
I appreciate my Mum so much and if I am honest, I don't show her enough. I decided to post a pic on facebook and tag her in it - it said something like "the next best thing about having you as my Mum, is knowing my kids have you as a Grandma" - too true! Clearly, this did not go down well with MIL *rolls eyes*. She wrote a status that I knew was aimed at us, so I ignored it until the next day when i'd seen the comments. I deleted her straight away. Sorry, but I can't be doing with seeing that sh*t - I have enough drama and family issues without her adding to them and seeing it just makes me mad!
After she realised that I had deleted her, she PM'd me saying that after seeing my last post, it proves that she is just like Parcel Force for DD and that I am teaching her that she only needs to speak to her Nana in the UK if she receives gifts from her. Are you f*cking ****ting me?!! I had a major tirade back - I couldn't help myself and I know DBF would side with me anyway. I told her, how dare she insinuate how I am raising my daughter and that by being the way she is, she is making it 10x harder for me to even want to speak to her now. C'mon, after everything she has said over the last couple of years (I'll explain that later). the last thing I want to do is have a full blown conversation with her. It's awkward and unnatural. In the end, she told me that she will just send letters so that DD knows that she's always thought of. Ridiulous, right? She's meant to be an adult and right now she is acting like a teenager!
Honestly, I would not keep the letters for DD either, if MIL is going to be so ridiculous and start sending them. I don't want DD reading them in the future and thinking that what MIL says is the truth, because it isn't. For some reason, MIL has got her wires crossed and she is refusing to untangle them. Everything we are doing is wrong. Me deleting her is wrong - yet she did the same to me the other month. I only noticed when she re-added me and when I asked why she had, she'd done it 'accidentially'. I let that one go. DBF always forgets her bday and I always have to remind him, it makes no difference though and she obviously gets the hump about it. This I do understand, because if it was DD forgetting mine I would be devastated. I just think there's too much water under the bridge now. She hasn't 'remembered' my birthday for the last 2 years now but I say nothing and this year, she never bothered with DBF on his. Tit for tat, pathetic.
This has all stemmed from last July when she visited for DDs 4th birthday. Bare in mind, we pay for her to visit as she can't afford it and she stays with us too. As it was DDs birthday, DBF and I were struggling financially. We had decided to put on a BBQ because the weather was really good and we'd bought her a trampoline. We figured, her and the other kids would get plenty of use out of it - perfect! Due to the lack of funds, we hadn't had a chance to get groceries in which meant that the only food available was BBQ food - fine by me. I had made sure that DBF had told MIL the situation, because her visiting had been a last minute decision and I didn't want her thinking bad of us for not having cupboards full. We had what we needed basicially. Everything went great, we even did a BBQ the day after aswell as we had tons of stuff leftover and again the weather was lush. MIL likes going and looking around town, probably because it's small and completely different to the hustle and bustle of where she lives. I had to tell her that she couldn't take DD with her. The reason being, DD was no longer in a pram (obviously) and MIl walks with a crutch. She has fibromyalgia (sp?) and this makes her not very fast. At the time she visited, DD was going through a stage of running off on me if I took her into town and the last thing I wanted is for her to do the same to MIL and MIL not being able to catch her! It was mainly a worry about DDs safety, nothing at all against MIL. Maybe this is where she took offence? Who knows.
The weekend seemed to go without a glitch, MIL went back home and we all got on with life. About a month later I'd asked DBF if he had heard from her and it came to light that they'd had a row just before she left the house. Over what, I have no idea but she'd held a grudge for a month!.......
Me being me, decided to contact MIL to try and get her and DBF to make amends. Well, she went mad at me! Claimed I had been unwelcoming to her, had not offered her a cup of tea or even a sandwich - I made her feel like she wasn't wanted there etc etc etc. When I told DBF, he was enraged and basically it has gone on from then. She visited this April, all was fine. Her and her partner came back in May and stayed in our house for a week whilst we went on holiday, all seemed ok. Then BAM, back to bloody square one.
I am tired of it all now - I have had enough of trying to defend myself. DBFs sister (she's 22) even had a go at me the other month, I thought we had sorted it though until I realised she had deleted me on facebook. She's terrible anyway - in the 5 years my daughter has been on this earth, she's met her auntie once - ONCE!!!! Her reasons for not visiting is that she can't stand seeing us put her Mum through sh*t. Fair enough, I'd be the same but we haven't actually done anything - urrrrrrrrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!
SO yes, god knows where we will go from here - it's an utter nightmare!
It's 2014 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can you believe it, it's almost Feb then we only have 28 days and it'll be March already. Life seriously needs to slow down - I do NOT want to turn 30 in September haha.
Things are same old here really. MIL issues have been resolved, slightly but my r/s with my Dad is no better. He is too busy waiting for the arrival of his new son in March. Let's hope he doesn;t let him down like he has me and my siblings.
Feeling soooo positive this year!!
Maybe it's because I am turning 30, I'm realising what's important and what isn't.
My health is my main priority this year. I have at least 100lbs to lose and as much as I have said it before, this time I am serious. For any doubters, WATCH
Another thing, is getting a new job. Yet something else I have always harped on about. Well this year, it's happening!!
One goal has been accomplished!!
I have only gone and bagged myself a new JOB!!
I cannot believe it! It's like it was fate - I got an email from a company I have been tryign to get into for a while and they emailed me on Wednesday. The same day as my last entry - I had an interview on Thurs and they offered me the job of Friday!!!
Better money, better prospects..... OMG, I am over the moon!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm probably going to sound like a hypocondriact (sp?) or someone with issues, but I am generally worried about myself.
I started my weight loss journey, 4 weeks ago and I have managed to get down 17lbs. This is amazing and there are many reasons for wanting to lose weight.
I'm not sure how long ago it started (why didn't I mention it in here?!) but I've been getting this pain in my leg. It is SO hard to explain how it feels and where it is, but I will try my best.
It's located on the back of my right leg, round about the knee if not a little higher and lower and is on the edge of the outside of my leg. That makes no sense when reading it out loud but I know what I mean. I can't even describe the pain but basically, I can't kneel because when my leg closes together is causes tremendous pain.
Ahhh I need to go as in work, I could burst out crying thinking about this!
I have been to the Dr who has sent me for a scan, but I worry so much that they haven't got a clue what they're doing!
Hello my beautiful people!
Sorry I have been away for so long - February, are you frikkin kidding me?!!
I can't stay long but just wanted to update on my job. Absolutely love it! I am sooooooooooo happy to be out of that other place - best thing I've ever done.
I will update properly in the evening when I have more time to spare, but know I am around still and want my journal to STICK!
Yea, so my last update was Dec 5th! What the friiiiiig?!!! Where is the time going.....
My last post was Dec 5th, yet I posted about it being February. What is that all about????? I know I haven't posted here in the last 4 days..... HOW SPOOKY!
Anyways, I thought I would update you all a little on the life of MOI.
There isn't much to report really - life just seems to be passing me by and we all know how winter is. It's like a repetitive ground hog day - work, bed, work, bed... and repeat.
Work has been amazing. I have the most amazing bosses and work with genuinely awesome people. It's a small company, just over 20 of us including the bosses and I think that's why I love it so much. I worked for a huge company for almost 10 years and you are literally just a number. In this new place, I feel worth so much more. It's such a great feeling
My little girl, or should I cut out the little? She is still the light of my life. I am going to have a lot on my hands when she becomes a teenager though - sometimes she floors me with some of her expressions and what comes out of her mouth. I will have real competition haha. Right now, she is dancing 2 days a week. She does musical theatre, freestyle and cheer. She absolutely loves to dance We had a UK version of Dance Moms and she became obsessed with it. I don't mind as I want her to be interested in something. She has an audition in March for The Little Mermaid and also has some dance exams so it's all busy busy. She has been swimming for a while now too and is like a fish - literally, she is amazing for her age and size! It's bad to say but I never enjoy those lessons. I feel like I spend most of the time warning her from the side because she will disappear under the water when she isn't supposed to, KIDS!
Things with DBF are up and down as always - right now all is good but it can change in an instance.
As if it's been over a year since I last updated my "diary"!
I am gutted I never maneged to keep up with it BUT, I am happy to see that the forum is still here and I haven't lost anything :)
I am not able to give a huge update right now so I will be back on later tonight :)
Hope you're all well! xxxxxx
Me - Kristi, 30DD - Leia, July 5 2008I luurrrrrve to lurk! ;)