My Body, Their Baby.
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Thread: My Body, Their Baby.

  1. #1
    rleigh
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    Default My Body, Their Baby.

    I am heading towards the best thing I could possibly do to help a friend of mine. He and his wife have been trying to have a baby for years. Every time she's gotten pregnant, it has ended in horrible miscarriages.

    The first time I heard about this, I listened and offered sympathy. As time went on, I thought about surrogacy. I had yet to become pregnant with my own child. I wasn't even sure I was going to have children, but I wasn't afraid of being pregnant. I thought it would be really great to be able to help someone achieve the ultimate goal in life. So I offered myself as a surrogate.

    Turns out, he never told his wife because he didn't want to get her hopes up - or his, for that matter. Becoming parents just meant so much to them - still does. Then I got pregnant, and as each day passed, I was more and more willing to do it for them. My pregnancy was perfect. I pushed my daughter out between jokes and said "I could do that a few more times."

    So fast-forward to a few weeks back, and he posts something on his blog about the in-depth conversation he and his wife had the night before. They're talking about adoption, but they still have embryoes left, and what to do, what to do... Adoption isn't a bad option, but they still want their own baby. I can't blame them.

    So I throw my name back into the ring, say Hey, I told ya, you got embryoes, I got a womb. But this time, it really clicks, you know? It becomes a real possibility. He tells his wife (finally), and she has questions...but then is really excited. He let her read the emails back and forth, and she realizes this is a true possibility.

    Sooo...long story short (TOO LATE, I know), they are coming up to Philly to see me this Saturday. Couldn't have picked a better day for it - it'll be beautiful! We're going to go over points of concern, stuff like that. And believe it or not - we are going to meet each other for the very first time. Yup...this is an online friendship, going on years now.

    I have already decided that I am more than happy to sign and agree to whatever concerns they have, but I will not have a lawyer. We can agree on what we need to. And basically, it is their baby. I would never want anything to harm that baby, and I know they will never ask me to do anything that will bring harm to myself.

    I am so excited. I'm going to try to keep this updated.

  2. #2
    rleigh
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    Omigodomigodomigodomigodomigod.

    They will be here in the next two hours, tops.

    I am so nervous.

  3. #3
    rleigh
    Guest

    Default

    dp.

    oops.

  4. #4
    rleigh
    Guest

    Default

    Just a quick note -

    They are wonderful.

    I love them so much.

  5. #5
    rleigh
    Guest

    Default

    Okay. So I just sent them off to their hotel room. We're all so tired. Against my better judgement, I took Norah with me to go to dinner with them. I should have just left her with Sean, but he was pretty tired and wanted to sleep for a while. Plus, they really enjoy Norah, and I knew that even though she was tired, she'd get a big kick out of the restaurant. She chanted "Aye yi yi yi yi yi" over and over again while waving pieces of bread at the ceiling.

    (Suffice to say, that table now has an unreal amount of bread chunks under it, but oh well.)

    They are such good people. I knew they were good people from the last three or so years that I've known them online, but this is just so wonderful. My assignment is to research insurance companies so they can get me fully and properly insured.

    (Healthcare in this country is so sad. The minute you get knocked up, you can get covered by Medicaid, but if it's anything like my post-partum experience with Norah, they'll cancel you AND the baby less than two months after birth. WTF, man?)

    I'm just so happy. And tired! I had a weak amaretto sour, and it drained me. I'm gonna park my butt on the couch and fall asleep to some Veronica Mars episodes.

  6. #6
    rleigh
    Guest

    Default

    Sent my couple to brunch at Monk's, a Belgian cafe/pub with an awesome beer selection. They LOVED it, and their server sent them to the Foodery, a convenience/beer store with an also awesome beer selection. Now they're on their way back home, trying hard to make it before the Skins/Eagles game ends.

    You know, I love my SO. I do. He's a great man.

    BUT...I wish he acted more like a man with a family sometimes. He's really do much wrong...I think it's just me picking. He'll do laundry....hid laundry. He doesn't offer to throw in my stuff or Norah's stuff. Maybe he thinks I'd rather wash my own. Maybe he thinks he'll mess up her stuff. At least I don't have to do ALL the laundry, right?

    Eh. I'm just picking, I think. I shouldn't do that. After all, this IS the man who stayed up until well after 3am last night /this morning cleaning the kitchen, right?

    I am STARVED. I think I'm going to make a quiche. I'd stay and post the recipe, but I think Norah may want me (she's chanting "UMMA" and that usually means "Mommy get your butt over here" in her babytalk.

    It's rainy and grey, and I want to go to sleep.

  7. #7
    rleigh
    Guest

    Default

    One last thing - I am always amazed at just how strong and enduring women are. Or can be, rather (we get our bad eggs too).

    I just get sucked into these journals.

  8. #8
    rleigh
    Guest

    Default

    Searching through these damned insurance plans is sheer, unadulterated hell.

    UGH.

  9. #9
    rleigh
    Guest

    Default

    I just put the finishing touches on the Personal History and Patient Information forms for the fertility clinic. Turns out, they are non-interactive PDFs, so I had to print them up and fill them out. I wish I could teleport them there...but I guess faxing them isn't a bad alternative, huh?

    My SO is a bit pissy because he apparently didn't think surrogacy was something that was going to happen in less than a year. I think the main thing is that he thinks I won't be able to get a job if I'm pregnant. I told him - I'm getting a job BEFORE I'm pregnant, and I'll be working until I can't work. If I end up with a singleton, I'll most likely be working up until that sucker is born, like I did with my first pregnancy (I was gonna go to work that Monday had I not been in the hospital popping one out).

    It's frustrating, but I'm not sure how I can make him see, it'll be okay. I think the next time I do it, it'll be better. I'm planning on doing this again, maybe two more times (we won't be having a lot of children for ourselves...one more, tops). This first one is mostly uncompensated, because I offered - the idea had never crossed their minds*. The next time, I plan to either freelance myself or find a really good agency, and it'll be compensated. How on earth can he object to me making $15-$21K for simply being pregnant?

    At least he had the wisdom to tell me "Ultimately, it is up to you if you want to do this." If he hadn't been able to recognize that, he'd be picking teeth out of the kitchen floor.

    * They have expressed a desire to compensate me in some way still, so I think they're going to try to buy me stuff and whatnot. And as I stated in an earlier entry, they are insistent on paying for health insurance for me.

  10. #10
    rleigh
    Guest

    Default

    This has been the most non-doing-anything-est weekend EVER. We're heading out the door soon to leave the house for the first time all weekend.

    For shame.

    More later.

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