I've copied this post from a Maya discussion forum regarding breaking into the film industry...I'm doing this so I can read it once in awhile...
"I can honestly say I know exactly how you feel when you stated "so I'm not filling my after-work life with the things I'd rather be doing for work."
I said those exact same words many years ago.
If your primary reason for switching careers is so you can “do what you love on the job and have your spare time for a life”, then you are looking in the wrong place. Why not push papers for a living? Enjoy the income, security and regular work hours that are common in the engineering industry and get on with your life.
I was just like you once. Does my life sound at least a little familiar?.......
In 1980 I was an art student. I made good grades, but I wanted more out of college. So, I thought if I took some drafting and human anatomy classes I would feel I was getting more out of college. I was now surrounded by engineering and pre-med students. I soon realized I was capable of doing what ever I set my mind too.
The next thing I know, I graduate with a degree in graphic arts and biology. I could have gotten on with my life, but instead I decide to study mechanical engineering. Now I was sure I would be happy. I wasn’t very well prep’d for engineering school, but I asked God, if you will only get me excepted into engineering school, I will be happy. After a lot of work, I got in. Now I ask God to help me get a good Co-op job (student engineer). I landed a great job with Westinghouse right on the freakin’ beach. Was I happy? No. I asked God, “if you can just get me through engineering school to graduation, I’ll have so much spare time, I will be happy. “
My senior years comes around, and now I am asking God to get me a good job after graduation. Then I could finally be happy. I get a great job, and now you would think I would be happy, but Noooooo-the 3D graphics industry takes off. Man was I hooked!!! Now I’m willing to sacrifice it all. For what this time?- “so I'm not filling my after-work life with the things I'd rather be doing for work." .
We’ll I made it into 3D. I guess it’s been about 10 years now. I’m finally happy. Unfortunately, I discovered that I could have been happy all along. I was just too blind to see it. Sometimes it takes a near death experience or great loss, to realize what we have. In my case it just took time (20 years of it). I am very happy today, and I do not feel my life is wasted, but if I had to live my life over again, I think I would have tried to enjoy my 20’s and 30’s more. Remember, no matter what you achieve it can all be taken away anytime by something as common as a car wreck.
We’ll it’s your life. Just remember there is someone else out there asking God if they could only have what you have, they would be happy. At night when you say your prayers, it might be better to simply ask God for happiness, and let him work out the details."
I'd LIKE to get a job as CG artist at Pixar...Slash number one: they're located up north. Slash number two: it is the film industry---longer hours than the games industry? Slash number three: never worked in the film industry---know lots of ppl who do--I might HATE it.... Slash number four: am I talented enough to get my *** in there? Slash number five: How the hell would I convince DH to move up north if all of the above sans number one were to work out?
I still feel like **** tonight. I dunno why. Been feeling down all day and being an idiot didn't help at all....good lord get me outta this funk. Dh came home late but made dinner. I didn't say a word. I don't feel like doing anything. Played with Khylen, watched Toy Story with him--he LOOOOVES that movie, bathed him, then read to him. DH put him to sleep--he just came into the room to turn on the monitor. Is this what a marriage is supposed be like after you've lived with the same person day in, day out for, god has it been, fifteen years??? I'm bored, I'm frustrated, I feel unappreciated....Is this the start of a mid-life crisis? Sooooo, DH gets his sports car for his crisis, can I get a hot young guy to sweep me off my feet for mine?
Gotta go an read that post that I've copied here...
BWAHAHA!!! I asked DH last night to throw the clothes in the dryer....well he did...and never turned it on---somehow I just KNEW he'd do something like that...I asked him why it wasn't turned on.. He said "I don't know how the dryer works." PFFFTTTT!!!! Whatever, mister computer genius--you spend your whole freaking life around hi tech machines and you're too lazy to look at a simple panel with a few buttons and a really really big button for ON and OFF?!! WTF?
ANYWAY, DH and I had a brief shouting match tonight. I got home after picking Khylen up at MIL's at around 8pm. DH asks what I'd like for dinner---he's been cooking for a few weeks now. We agree on lamb chops. After he throws the chops into the microwave, he goes downstairs to play on his Counterstrike message board...Well, here I am playing with Khylen...Look at the clock...8:30...play some more, getting really hungry now....almost 9. I shout to DH that I'm getting hungry, he mumbles something back. Dammit to hell I think and quickly make myself an instant noodle because it's too damn late now for lamb chops. So, between chasing Khylen around the kitchen, making sure that he doesn't get into anything he shouldn't and play with the stove, I make a noodle, take it to the dining room and begin eating. Khylen's already had dinner at MIL's so he's busy playing... DH comes back up and gets all huffy and says he was only down there for ten minutes. I lay into him and tell him that I was angry because he was being inconsiderate and rude and that his priorities were mixed up---his friends and Counterstrike are far more important than anything. He spent a lot of time today, during WORK hours ****ing around making a joke website for one of his online buddies.
Anyway, I didn't finish my noodles, it was around 9:30pm, I take Khylen and give him his bath, then read to him. By this time it's almost 10pm. DH comes downstairs and says he's sorry.
Finally it doesn't take DAYS for him to get OVER the fact that sometimes he can be a little inconsiderate. Of course, I could've made the effort and tried to make the chops myself--I just have no fricking energy and I'm too angry at DH to do anything about it--so I make my own dinner out of spite. His argument tonight was that he's been cooking dinner and he's getting no thanks for it and that it's a chore...Well, I said, I make sure the house is cleaned, the dishes are washed and put away, and the laundry cleaned, folded and put away, take Khylen to and from my aunt's and MIL's house every day....He interrupts me and says "I (meaning DH) didn't fire Joanna(the sitter)...Well **** you asshole. Apparently you still think the world of her even after she royally ****ed us over and the fact that I fired her was for financial reasons...
Anyway, he came and got Khylen, apologized, and since I didn't finish my noodles, I went up and ate the dinner he made. He's a great cook and I'm glad that he enjoys cooking. That's one less thing I have to worry about getting done in the evening--though I've done my fair share of cooking the past few months. At least it's SOMETHING that he can contribute. He cleaned the kitchen while I put Khylen to bed. Afterwards I went back up to help him finish up. We acted as if nothing had happened. He did help carry the laundry downstairs...Whoopty-****ing-dooo LOL but it was help and he did it without me asking...pathetic I know.
Even though he's apologized I feel that nothing has been resolved.
Whoa what happened here? All of a sudden there's a language filter....Not sure if I like that.
Been trying to keep busy at work. DH and cousin are in Seattle pitching the demos--DH will be back tonight. We are now a one paycheck family with me being the breadwinner. Hopefully something will be picked up SOON.
Ok panic time here. Dh has stopped taking a salary now. The company did get an offer but this offer blows. We have to self fund ourselves which means taking all employees will take a 30% cut in pay for the next few months. With only me taking home a salary and with 30% less this is going to suck bigtime. The next scary thing to keep going is to access personal lines of credit to keep the company going which means we'll have a chance that we'll lose everything if things go to ****.
So, we're talking about breaking our car leases and maybe selling our home to keep going. Oh life is just getting better and better.
Ok it's been a while since I've made an entry. Last week was busy with the tradeshow E3...It began on Wed and ended on Fri...I can only take one day of it so I went on the first day and managed to find a carpool from work to get there. Luckily dh got me my badge the day before so I didn't have to stand in line. I volunteered to take the video cam and document all the interesting games so, it kept me busy and kept me from getting too overwhelmed from all the sights, loud blaring techno music coming from everywhere and all the people...Every year I run into less and less people I know in the industry. I guess the seasoned ones wise up and get out of the business while the industry gets a plethora of fresh meat to take their places.
I had a good time at the show tho. A small group of us managed to stick together to look at all the sights and sounds.
Thursday and Friday I took off to be a SAHM. Dh's friends from up north came down to stay with us from Wed to Sunday. Dh said that he wasn't going to go out every night like he used to because it's too expensive. But, despite what he said, we did manage to go out twice. Luckily for us, dh's parents were more than happy to look after Khylen twice in a row. The first night, Dh managed to get vip tickets to a Maxim/X-box party in Hollywood. Since we were all running late, we decided to skip dinner, hoping that there would be some sort of food at the party. Nope, no food, not even free drinks. We also had to stand in line to get in despite having vip passes....Both dh and I were starving so we got our hands stamped and went to find something to eat. Luckily the party was in the Kodak theatre center---it's a really nice place with shops and restaraunts. There was a shabu shabu place right next door to the club so we both had a great dinner. Afterwards, we went back to the club, had some drinks, found some old friends of ours and basically had a really low key evening despite being in the middle of all these Maxim magazine women, nerds and schmoozers. I was soooo tried during the evening tho. I spent the day with Khylen, took him to a really nice park and ran around with him. In the afternoon, I took him in his stroller and went for a walk. When evening came I was soooo wiped. I found myself nodding off in the club--the comfy sofa in the vip room didn't help lol.
By the time 1am rolled around everyone was tired and with the exception of dh and I, were very drunk too. We had to take our two cars because dh's friends didn't want to be seen in the rental car they were driving--gimme a freaking break...I made one of his friends drive my car to the club because I was really tired. Dh took one of his friends with him and drove his two seater. At the end of the evening, his friend that drove my car was too damned drunk to drive. Sooo, I had to drive their drunken butts home--I wasn't too happy about that.
The next day, everyone went off to E3 again while I stayed home, but this time dh had to use my car to drive some magazine people around...SIGH---I really wished he didn't get that STUPID sports car. I was stuck at home all day so I spent the day trying to find creative ways to keep khylen and myself entertained. Dh called me later and said his friend wanted to take us out to dinner. I told dh it would be a good idea to call his parents up and ask them to watch khylen for us since I did not want to spend the evening entertaining him while everyone else enjoys good wine, food and conversation. When he and his friends got home, they also wanted to go see the "Matrix" movie. We dropped off Khylen to MIL's, and met everyone at our friend's restaraunt--the italian place. While there I decided to call my bf and asked her if she wanted to join us. She met us there, we all had a great time and realized it was too late to see the movie. No biggie. Towards the end of the evening, one of DH's friends who was staying with us, had invited his friend to join us---now this friend Karen who showed up is one of their Counterstrike friends. I had met her before when she showed up at our house for a bbq last year. I do not like her---she is stuck up and she pretty much ignored me in my own house when I greeted her and tried to talk to her. From then on I decided I did not want her in my own home. However, she showed up again the last time dh's friends were staying over. Well, this time I was going to try my damndest that it wouldn't happen again. Of course, I had been drinking some wine, wasn't very drunk but as soon as I saw here walking in, I got pissed. I knew DH had nothing to do with her coming over but Iwas still pissed and got pissed at him. I leaned over to my bf and explained to her why I didn't like Karen and during closing time, I kept asking DH if he was ok to drive because I kept suspecting that he was drunk. He was going to pick up Khylen and kept insisting that he was fine. I kept at him because the waiters all wanted to have a drink with him at the bar before we were to leave. I felt like the party pooper, the ball and chain, the bad guy, the *****. I explained to him my reason for being concerned--I didn't want him to get pulled over especially with Khylen in the car, and I was convinced that he was going to get into an accident. Ok, being all fried up over Karen, having drunk some wine and being overtly paranoid, I was little INSANE. Anyway, DH went to go pick up Khylen and my bf drove me back to the house. When we got there, everyone was standing outside on the driveway...I turn and who do you think I see walking towards the driveway? Yep...I saw her, said "****". My bf said she'd come into the house with me. Oh I was agitated that night. The garage door was open, I was getting ready to expect and ontourage of people in my house, staying there all night making lots of noise. I was miffed. I walk into the house, into the livingroom. I hear the clicking of the front door handle and see Karen peering in from the front door window at me. I look at her and turn and walk away. There's no ****ing way she's coming into MY house. I walked back inot the garage to see where my friend is and overhear Karen saying "LOCKED OUT" haha. My friend comes in, everyone is still outside I'm still agitated. My friend goes outside and tells DH's friend that I'd appreciate it if Karen would not come in the house. He was very cool about it and said no problem. In fact, he had no idea how I felt towards her. Come on, I IM'd him a couple of times last year telling him that I didn't want to see her face again. I guess he took it as a joke. Anyway, no one came in the house, DH came home with khylen and I finally got to sleep after a while.
Dh and I had argued the next morning, in the car while we were driving to dim sum. Since his buddies were driving the rental car, we could duke it out. He was pissed because I didn't trust him when he told me he was ok to drive, plus he said I had said something to him in front of my friend that pissed him off. Something along the line of "Wipe that smirk off your face". Hmmm...Ayway, he goes off saying that he's been under a lot of stress lately and that this is the only time he gets to spend with his friends, and that he was having a great time until I opened my mouth. I was pissed too but I apologized, said ok why don't you have lnch with your friends, I'll drop you off, Khylen and I will go home and I'll make some arrangements for me and Khylen to stay somewhere because I don't think this marriage is working. Dh says nothing, he won't hand me the keys when he gets out the car, takes khylen out and says he wants to spend some time with his son. I sarcastically say "Pfft....NOW you want to spend time with your son." We were both casual and courteous to each other during lunch in front of everyone. Khylen didn't want to eat and wanted to play so I took him outside and walked around with him. DH came out, said he was sorry and didn't want to fight. We both apologized and finished up lunch.
Anyway, that night his friends had made arrangements to watch the " Matrix" movie and I guess they asked DH if he wanted to go. Not me tho...I was a little miffed. DH asked me if it was ok to go see it. I let him go so he could "Spend some time with his friends". Khylen went down at around 9:30 and I got online and played EQ until everyone got home at around 1am. Ok I got some "ME" time by myself but I asked dh if I could go spend some time with my friend Sunday night. He said ok.
Sunday afternoon rolls around, his friends are kicking back in the house watching tv, playing Counterstrike. It is past Khylen's usual naptime and he's getting punchy. I had forgotten to brush his teeth so I'm trying to do so using the little finger brush for babies. He promptly bites my finger really really hard. Then slaps my face. I'm trying to patient and hold his face up to mine all the while saying "That hurts! No hitting, no biting." He's laughing and smiling and I try to set him down on the floor. He's squirming and doesn't want to stay still. I try again to brush his teeth, he tries again to bite. I say "No biting!" he laughs and slaps me really hard across the face. I'm pissed. Really pissed. I put him down into his playpen and walk out of the room. He sees me turn and leave and starts wailing. Dh sees me asks waht's wrong. I YELL, "He keeps on HITTING ME! I've HAD IT! Please watch him for a while" I needed to cool down. I walk upstairs and my friend Dana is at the front door with her little beagle puppy. She goes through the stairs to get to the backyard. Dh notices that the babygate is loose and hands Khylen back to after a mere 2 minutes. SIGH. Oh well, we both had fun watching the doggies romp in the backyard. After awhile I took Khylen back in and found DH sleeping on the sofa. I told him to watch Khylen for a while since he was getting ready to nap. I went back outside and talked with Dana for awhile. We had a really nice talk. After she had left, Khylen was still asleep in his crib. I called my bf and asked if she wanted to go see a movie and since it was getting to be late afternoon we both it would be nice to go to dinner first. I found Dh downstairs with his friends and asked him to watch Khylen while we go to dinner and see a movie. He thought he would tag a long with Khylen to dinner but I wasn't really into the idea. He finally got the hint though.
My bf and I had a great time and it was the first time in a long time that I felt really free. We had some wine with dinner and our waiter whom we were flirting with was really really gorgeous. We barely made it to the movie ----missed a few previews but all in all I had a blast. I enjoyed the movie--was very entertained by it can got home a little before midnight. Dh was on the computer playing CS, I gave him a kiss and thanked him for letting me go out.
Hehe today is a slow day since right now there is really no work to do. DH and I slipped out of the office and watched Xmen 2. I think it took me half the day to get this post written up LOL.