Well it has been a while. Hurricane Isabel blew through here and pretty much destroyed Richmond. :? I lost power at 8pm on the 18th and got it back around 6pm on the 20th and then on the 23rd I lost it again at 6 am and did not get it back until the 27th after 8pm. The 19th there were only 5% of Richmonders that still had power and that never lost power. Dbf lived with us until he got power back on the 24th and then we lived with him until we got power back. I lost all my food twice and have eaten out so much that my food money pretty much doubled and then I had to go out again and re-stock. Rent is due at the end of the week and day care is due but I had to buy food. Child Support Services is behind in 2 payments and I can’t get dd’s father to get me the check #’s. He has them I know he does and I know he is paying because he is paranoid that he would loose dd, it is just not important to him so why does he have to rush to get them to me?
Things with dbf and I are good. We are getting along very well. Living together for a week and half brought us so much closer and so much more comfortable with each other. I miss it though. We are now back to normal. We are however going through a bit of a scare though. Aunt flow should have been here on Monday and still nothing. I am trying not to worry though. I mean I am under a lot of stress. I am volunteering to be RIFed (laid off) today. I am very short on cash. It could be stress. It could be a number of things. I was just at my ob last week though you’d think he would have noticed something. Right?
My mom sent me an email yesterday that caught me off guard. There was this guy Jason. We were very close and dated for a while. I was his first and he was mine. We had a special bond. Well when I moved to CA at the end of my sophomore year we stayed in touch and he was waiting for me to come back. I lost contact with him about a month before I moved back to UT a month into my junior year. Well 2 weeks before I came home he started talking to someone who I considered a friend at the time. She knew he was waiting for me but she pushed it and they ended up starting to date. She would not let him talk to me, and that hurt. They were both supposed to be my friends. Anyway in the end there were a lot of hurt feelings. Half way into our junior year of high school he purposed to her (he graduated 2 years before us) well she had cheated on him while they were dating and everyone told him but he would not see it. After they got engaged she did it again and again he would not see it. I got pg and moved to VA and they got married never heard a thing from them. A couple of close friends told me that she made him cut everyone off and that Jason looked miserable. Nothing I could do ya know? So I have not heard a thing about them in at least 3 years or so. Well my mom ran into Joanne last week. She is a school bus driver and Jason works for the req dept in Ogden. She told my mom they don’t have children because she does not want the responsibility. Jason always wanted kids. He loved kids. What am I getting at? It is sad that he settled for what he did. He was such a good person with so much ahead of him. I am so grateful that I got out of there. I mean that could be me! It just reaffirms my decisions in life after I left there. It makes me that much more grateful for my children and my wonderful dbf.
Look at this email I just got from dbf:
good morning...i just wanted you to know how much i love you. i don't know what my life would be like without you, and i don't want to try to imagine it. you are the first thing i think about when i wake up in the morning, and the last thing i think about before i go to sleep. i love you more than words can say...you are my everything. i love you. have a great day
I love him soooooo much!
Well that is about all I have to update right now. I am going to try and keep up with this more often.
I AM GETTING PAID TO QUIT MY JOB TODAY!!! THIS IS THE BEST THING TO HAPPEN IN MY LIFE LATELY!
Well not much going on. I have tried and tired to read through this whole separation, voluntary bullshit and just cannot seem to get through it. I just want to make sure I am not screwing myself on taking this in anyway what so ever! I am a bit concerned however about the amount I am getting to leave putting my income way too high and then I will have to pay taxes next year. Anyone know anything about this stuff? I bet my step mom could help me.
AF showed up yesterday pretty much right after I posted! Now I feel like shit…I hate AF and wish I never had another one!
Yeah know a 3 year old is going to act out and not listen and misbehave especially if they think they can get away with it. Why in the world would a teacher call a parent to come down to school and reprimand a child for being 3? Why in the world would the teacher not take control of the situation? Why can’t a teacher put down the law? Something’s just really get to me I guess. If I were to get this call I would laugh at the teacher and then move dd somewhere else where they are going to teach her that teachers do have authority and you will listen to them with in reason. Parents drive me crazy sometimes. I know I am not the best mom and I know that I have a lot to learn. BUT just because you are a single mom does not excuse the reason a child acts up! Dd does not. She has manners in and outside of the home. If anything she probably has better manners than most children with a 2-parent household. I hear of 2 parent house holds that let their children get away with this and that and then wonder why the kid walks all over them. Don’t let them get away with it from the get go! I just don’t understand things sometimes.
Sorry done with that rant. I am bored and so I thought I would just express a bit of my frustration today. I just thought of something I wanted to write about and now I completely forgot it! I hate when that happens. I swear for only being 23 my short-term memory really, really sucks! I feel so much older than I am. I actually forgot how old I was yesterday. I mean 23 most people are finishing college and moving on in life. Not raising a child alone and quitting their job to go to school or to try and find something better for them selves! But I am. I will make it!!!
Well if I think about what I was going to write about I will be back!
Well it is sure nice to have PO back. I really, really needed it on Friday but it was down and then again on Monday. Life is killing me right now! Well it could be worse I am just overly stressed right now.
1. I got a letter in the mail a week or so ago from an attorney’s office in NY. I guess over a year ago 3 checks bounced on my old checking account that I had with my ex. When this happened the companies did not notify me. So I am talking to this ass hole and I guess there was a typo on my address and so nothing was being sent to me and by some crazy chance I got this letter from the attorney office. So now pretty much the amounts of the checks have doubled! So it is up to four hundred and some dollars! I don’t have that kind of money and these checks were written for my ex to get his dry cleaning so they are not even my fault! So on the back of this letter it states I can dispute it and that they will send me copies of everything that has been sent to me. So I write a letter and do certified mail so I know they got it. Well Monday I get this phone call from that ass hole and he tells me that I can get it from my bank. They are not going to have the letters that you sent me or the companies! It clearly states on the back of your letter that I can request that stuff. He begins to raise his voice at me and tells me over and over to contact my bank and then hangs up on me! So I am hysterical by now because if I don’t have the money to them by the 11th then they are taking me to court and that will just add on that much more money! So I call my ex….big mistake….and tell him what is going on while I am crying close to a breakdown. He tells me to calm down that he will help me. Well in the mean time I can’t get a hold of dbf to help settle me down so I take some “chill” pill that my dr prescribed me and calm down. Talk to dbf and he pretty much does not know what to tell and that of course he will help however he can…can’t ask him he is broke right now too! So I come up with this idea that I will pay it with my car payment money and then the ex will give me the money back next week when he gets paid and then I will give him half of it back when I get my severance money. Problem? I don’t trust him to give my money back! He is not a very trustworthy person when it comes to saying he will do something. So I ask him to call this guy and see what he can get from him and the ass hole is not in today!!!! So I have no choice but to pay it. If it comes down to it then my dbf will pay my car payment with his cc, which I pray does not have to happen since I just got caught up with it!
2. I get a call from my obgyn office saying they need to talk to me about my pap results. This has never happened to me so I start to panic! Talked to them today and they said it was inconclusive and that I need to come back in 3 months. Can you imagine what was running through my mind?!
3. dbf is wonderful. I love him more than anything, well besides my kids, anyway his job just keeps getting in the way of any type of family life and I am going crazy! I know he has to make money so how but it seems like every family event that comes up he has a game! I kind of got bitchy with him about it today and told him we would talk later. I mean I know my job is different but I take time out for all family things! I know we are not a family yet and I know that he is not dd’s father but my god he sure seems to be more of a dad than her dad so why in the hell does he think it is ok to not make time for this stuff? I am tired of loosing our time to practice, appearances and games. I mean we get limited time together as it is! We have to wait until the end of November to even go away for a weekend alone! Can you tell I am a bit frustrated?! Again he is wonderful and these are all just little stupid things I like to bitch about and get out before I take them out on him.
4. Saturday night he went and had poker night with the guys. That’s cool I understand…or do I? I stated to get a bit wigged out and emotional. He went which I am sooooo glad he did but it was the fact that again we don’t get much time together and he said he was going to stay on Saturday night and of course this screwed it up. He ended up coming back and I got over it but another stupid thing!
5. Money. I can’t handle not having enough anymore and it is about to get worse! I don’t know how in the world I am going to make it after I quit here. I don’t have the option to just get my severance money this year and the enhanced amount next year and it is going to KILL me in taxes! I don’t own a house or anything like that to write off. I am going to end up paying I can’t handle that much of a loss in money! I guess I should go back to a 0 so that they take more money out right now.
Well time for me to go and I am not even close to being done so I will finish tomorrow.
It always seems to amaze me at how people act when using the internet. I am glad that I don’t have readers! I was a teenage mom 2 times. I had my ds when I was 16 but I knew I could not take care of him in the ways that he needed. I love him with all my heart and cherish every moment that we have together and see just how happy and well adjusted he is. Then I had dd at 19. I felt that I was ready to do it. I never thought I would end up doing it alone. Am I glad things worked out like they did? Yeah. Her dad pays child support and we are *trying* to form some type of friendship. I still don’t exactly like him but there is nothing I can do about it. I have been on my own for as long as I can remember but I have really been on my own since having dd. I go through more and more shit as the years go on but I am making it. I have my own apartment, car and life. I hate more than anything to see a young stupid 14-18 year old screw up their children. I mean at 13 months a child should be at least showing signs of walking NOT JUST STARTING TO CRAWL!!! Now granted, I do not know all the circumstances. The child may have some problems and if that is the case then I hope the child is in therapy. When you are that young and a parent you do not always have everything it takes to be a good parent I know but when you have a dd and she sees you being treated like shit get the fuck out! Do you want her to grow up and get treated like that? That’s why I got out. I want my dd to see how much respect she deserves. She sees it now. She has it enforced every day of her life by the way my dbf treats me. She HAS to respect me. I am still barley 23 and I am still young and I still like to have a good time every once in a while just like any other person on earth, but I do it when she is with her dad or when my dbf and I are both there. You know he has only stayed the night a handful of times in the last year besides the hurricane time? That’s respect. We don’t want dd to get confused in anyway what so ever. I am not saying I am the perfect young single mom. I am not the best mom. In fact if you ask me I think I am a horrible mom until I see/read things about other young moms who give us good ones a bad name. I have fallen asleep while dd is playing but she is 3 and can communicate to me and is somewhat more independent because she does have a single mom. You know every morning my sweet dd goes down stairs of our apartment and brings in the dog?! How many 3 year olds can cook a hot dog in the microwave? Or pick out matching clothes? Remind mommy when she needs milk at school or to pick up the dog/cat food. I have the best kid. I can only hope that one day I can help her grow into a wonderful indepentant woman! I also hope we are best friends like we are now. Oh and you know how many times my dad has kept dd? Not many and it is only when he offers. I have only gone to him for help in watching her a handful of times. It’s not that he does want to spend time with her it is that I don’t want him to become a father figure. He is papa and that is what he is going to be. She loves him so much. He is hunting in Idaho right now and she has just been so upset that she can’t see or talk to him. He picks her up from school every Friday so that they can have special time together. They go get ice cream, go shopping and then play at the park. I am so glad she has a young papa to play with her and teach her about life! My dad and I don’t always see eye to eye, in fact we do not get along hardly every but he is a good dad and I love him and he loves me and my dd. He respects me as a parent more and more every day and he has soooo much respect for dbf.
Wow so that got kind of long! Felt good though to just ramble on about all that stuff.
So now dd’s father is starting to back out of helping me out. Dbf just read today that DC United is contacting a gk from Seattle instead of him. See their gk tore his ACL and can’t play. Their back up keeper came down and played here a few times last season so that he could get some experience and be our back up if need be. So it would only be right to return the favor and get dbf some exposure. So he is upset and then I call and tell him about dd’s father and that kind of pushed him too far. He is sick on top of it. I love that man so much! He is too good to me. He just called and asked if I wanted to come over for lunch and that he was picking it up.
I’ll write later I have to get going!
Wow this place is getting crazy. Again another reason I don’t have any followers. I think everyone on this board has a unique place with in and there is no reason for anyone to be beating each other up over nothing. But this journal is not for all that stuff it is about my life.
So nothing much going on around here, I have been feeling sick off and on now for about a week or so and dbf has been sick for about a week now. I can’t believe dd has not gotten it. She is doing very well. They are started Spanish class last week. I can’t speak Spanish to save my life, I can’t speak any other langue to save my life! So dbf is going to start working with her on the words they sent home since he can speak it much better than I can. I mean it is crazy because I use to understand it since I lived with a family who tried to speak Spanish 90% of the time so that the young kids would learn it but I have forgotten everything except every once in a while I will catch my self telling Tabatha “no mos” Please excuse my spelling on that as I have no idea how you would spell it.
Tried to start my diet again this week but so far it has been a flop. I was doing so good before that stupid Hurricane! I was so ready to loose some weight and tone back up. I was also doing so well before I got into that stupid accident that caused me to have so many back problems. I really need to get back to it though. I mean it is hard since I dbf is a pro athlete. I kind of feel like he expects me to be in shape as well since it is such a big part of his life!
Well I am off to the store to pick up the rest of the stuff I need for dinner!
I can’t believe people are actually making their journals private. Oh well nothing I can do. My dd is a J2K and I use to belong to the group, well I thought I did. Anyway I still lurk over there because there are some people I still like to see updates on. Now they have some private board for only the chosen few. Makes me sick at how cliquish one group of women on the internet can be. I never fit in basically because I am a single mom. I just thought it was rude that they would do something like that. Again nothing I can do!
So we had a good weekend! Went to the pumpkin patch on Saturday and had so much fun. We took the hayride back into a HUGE field with pumpkins everywhere and Tabatha got to pick one out. We ended up with 5 pumpkins total. It was fun and she loved it! Dbf and I are going back this weekend with some friends to do the haunted forest thing…I can’t wait I am sure it will be a lot of fun! Anyway back to the weekend. Took Tabatha to Old Navy and she got a new pair of black jeans and a small backpack for school. Fridays she will have to take the big one though so that we can bring her blanket home to wash. Then we went home and took a nap, got up and went to watch dbf coach. She loved it! She had so much fun just being a part of what he does. Of course since it was college girls they all loved her! It was funny because he said that the girl’s parents have never talked to him so much! I guess they see he is not a threat to any of their girls.
Dbf is still feeling sick. He drives me crazy! I have gotten so mad at him about this. Stay home and get better so that this does not drag out for another 2 weeks! I am just ready to scream. He feels nauseas all the time but yet he won’t get him self-better. He is so stubborn.
Well I only have 1 month left here. I need to order my computer and try and find a computer desk. I am so picky about it and I don’t really have the money to be this picky. I wish I could find a nice desk with a unit to put the cpu in, a file drawer and a couple of desk drawers and then a hutch. I need something to keep myself organized since I suck at it right now. The only way I keep my self halfway organized is keeping everything here. I also need to start packing up. But again I need a stupid desk! I need another chair for my table at home too so that we can start eating at the table once I get the computer off of it. My house is just such a clusterfuck right now!
Well I need to get some work done!
So after I re-read what I posted yesterday I realized that what I said came out the wrong way. I am not upset over the new board and not being invited. I have had some bad run ins with people over there and so I have figure I am safer to just lurk and if they move the board I won’t be able to keep up with everybody.
I have exactly one more month here!
There is so much sadness going on around here. I almost feel bad for even bitching about my life. There is always somebody else out there worse off than I am. I guess this is why I have a journal though.
So dbf and I are not seeing eye to eye right now. Things with dbf and dd have not been good. She is mean to him and he takes it to heart and then gets all defensive and I am caught right in the middle. My dd has an attitude just like her mother and no I am not condoning it but he knows that and so if she says something with a little attitude in her voice that is just her and he gets sooooo upset. It really is tearing us apart. My dd is my priority and until we are married I have the final say. I want more than anything to spend the rest of my life with him but I don’t know it is going to happen and so I still have to make sure that we are protected. Maybe I am handling it all wrong. I am new to this. My mom dated a million guys who she let take over discipline so there was always someone new and I won’t let that happen and so maybe that is making me a little bit more sensitive about the situation. Being a single mom trying to date is not easy! I am just at a loss of where to go now. Another thing that is causing problems is I would do anything I could to not miss out on things in her life, even if it is something as stupid as a Harvest Festival at her school. He on the other hand does not feel the same way. Because of the nature of his job he can’t and won’t be able to attend those types of events. What if we have children? I don’t want that kind of life. I am finally realizing just what coaching would be taking from a family. If he chooses to Coach College then he would be gone pretty much 3 months out of the year for the season but that does not include all of the recruiting and crap that they do. I just don’t want a life like that. He will play for at least a couple more years and then pursue coaching and he has no other plan but coaching, I asked last night. I don’t want to take away his dream and I never would but I also have a dream and things I would like to accomplish in life by myself and with my partner and if he is coaching will any of that be possible. He grew up in a family where his dad worked his ass off every day and was not around a whole lot to provide for the family so that his mom could be a stay at home mom. I wonder sometimes he that is what he expects. I can’t and won’t be a stay at home mom. I do not have what it takes and he knows that. UGH!!!
So I am sitting on hold now with my prescription company because my Dr. only sent in a prescription for one month when I thought the whole reason for going through mail order was to get a 3 months supply since it is a long term prescription. I mean I just paid $20 for something I could have gotten at the pharmacy for $12. I don’t have money to keep throwing away. I was suppose to get 3 bottles of my eye drops and only got one. So I paid $20 for one. I spoke with a service rep and he told me that the Dr was suppose to write it for 90 day supply. How the hell are either one of us suppose to know that! So I talked to a supervisor up and he said the same thing and that there was nothing he could do for me and that the Dr should have written it for 90 days. Again how the hell am I suppose to know that?! So I have escalated it to the next supervisor up. I am sorry there is a solution to this problem and I will not stop until I get it. I will get my other 2 bottles damit! They really are messing with the wrong person right now, especially today with every thing else that is going on in my life! I just took a chill pill so hopefully it will help me remain calm and act rationally and not blow up at these ass holes!
Please god let this day get better!
Wow today is my last day at Verizon!!! I am so scared and so excited at the same time. I have been a wreak over this but I know it has to work! I don’t get a paycheck for 4 weeks and child support is not coming in constantly again. I can do this!!!
I will be on at home now : ) and I will be keeping up with things now since I have the rest of the year off!
Not a whole lot to really write about. I am home alone again this weekend. Tabatha is with her dad and dbf is down in SC with his college buddies.
Not dealing with this weekend though. See originally I was suppose to go with him down there then all of a sudden I ask him one day if he still wants me to go and he tells he does not know. Bullshit answer from him! I know him better than that! (sorry if I have already wrote about all this) Anyway it causes a big blow up and he tells me that he can't really let go if I am there. Well then what in the hell are you doing with me? If you can't do something with me there then what is really going on? It has not set well with me for a month now. I told him I don't want to hear from him all weekend and that I don't trust this or him while he is there. Something is not right about this weekend and I really hope he loves me as much as he says he does. So I am a mess can't sleep not appetite and I get a text message last night at about 2:30 saying he was in a fight, won’t give me any details so I finally tell him to please call me. He finally calls me around 3 and when I answer I hear girls in the back ground screaming and he completely wasted with an attitude. I told him never mind and started to hang up when all of a sudden he wants to tell me what is wrong. Supposedly he was at a club sitting at the bar and told some girl next to him that they were having a party tomorrow night and she told him f**k off. He tells her that is not very nice blah, blah, blah and finally her boyfriend comes over and I guess words were exchanged and the guy goes to hit dbf and at the same time dbf is grabbing his friend and his friend jacks him a few times until the bouncers jump in. Now do you really think I want to hear this? Hell NO!!! I tell him I am letting him go because it sounds like he is having fun. He gets a bit upset and tells me no and I cut him off. I told him we will talk Monday when I have to take him in for surgery and after that I am done. I won’t and can’t do this and he does not get what it is doing to me. If he would have just been honest from day one these kinds of thoughts would not even be going through my head right now! Anyway I calm down and send him a message trying to explain where I am coming from. So the phone rings again at about 3:45 and of course since dd is sleeping in the other room I can’t let it ring. I answer and in his wonderful drunken state tells me how much he loves me and what not. After he is done I am crying and tell him I will talk to him later. Now it is 4:45 Saturday and I have not heard from him. Not even a message to let me know he is ok. I don’t know what in the world he is thinking! Oh but it gets better…his mother never calls me, I mean never! So I am lying on the couch watching a movie when my cell rings, it is her, I did not answer it because I am not really dealing with people today, anyway her message is about his surgery on Monday and if I will please call her if something happens and to just keep her up to date oh and she wanted to know more about it. Come on if she wanted to know more about it she would have called him! She never calls me; she doesn’t even send me email! So now I have to call her back…oh yeah in the message she says “I hope you/everything is ok”. I just don’t get it!
Still does not make me feel any better to type this all but it was worth a try…until next time
God life just sucks sometimes. Right now I don’t know what I would do without a computer. I guess in some odd way I find comfort in being able to type it all out. I just got an email from dbf and I just don’t know what to do. He keeps telling me how much he loves me and what not but yet he did this! He said he will call when he leaves Greenville tomorrow, I don’t know that I can talk to him. What am I suppose to say to him. I have not eaten, showered or even touched my house since yesterday. God I am so weak! I use to be so much stronger than this and then he came into my life and I lost everything I had worked so long to build. Nobody could hurt me. Nobody could make me cry. I was strong and just let everything go. Now I can’t even sleep! I have had about 3 bits of scrambled eggs and a bit of oatmeal. What is wrong with me?! Dd’s father invited me to go see The Cat in the Hat with them and I really wanted to go but that would just be uncomfortable and confuse Tabatha. I wish she were here then I would have a reason to get up.
This is how I have felt about dbf and right now it hurts so much because i question everything…I can’t tell you how many times I have listened to it over and over the past couple of days.
Never Felt This Way (Interlude)
There will never come a day
You will ever
hear me say
That I want
Or need to be without you
I wanna give my
Baby just hold me
Simply control me
Because your arms, they
keep away the lonelies
When I look into your eyes
Then I realize
need is you in my life
All I need is you in my life
Cause I never felt
this way about lovin ...Nooooo
Never felt so good..baby
Never felt this
way about love
Lately when I look into your eyes
Baby I fly, your the only
one I need in my life
Baby I just don't know how to describe,
you make me feel inside
You give me butterflyz
Have me flyin so high
in the sky
I can't control the butterflyz
You give me butterflyz
me flyin so high in the sky
I can't control the butterflyz
like the likly thing??
From the start you told me
I would be your
But never had I imagined such a feeling
Joy is what you bring
wanna give you everything
You give me butterflyz
Got me flyin so high
in the sky
I can't control the butterflyz
You give me butterflyz
flyin so high in the sky
I can't control these butterflyz
I know that
You were made for
I can't control it.
It driv-en me
over me and I
You give me butterflyz
Got me flying so
high in the sky
I can't control the butterflyz
You give me
Got me flyin so high in the sky
I can't control these
You give me something I just cant
Something thats so free
I just can't control the way I feel
You give me somthing I just can't deny
Something thats so
Oh I never felt like this.
I just re-read his email and something hit me, it has taken me refusing to talk to him while he is away for him to realize just how much I mean to him. I know sometimes guys need a kick in the ass but this is stupid. I guess I just keep going back to if I meant that much to him why put us in this situation to begin with? If the were turned around there is no doubt in my mind that he would be there with me! I want him to be in every part of my life. We are from 2 different worlds and have friends no where near us and so I think it is so important for us to get to know each others friends but he always seems to try and keep me out of “that” life.
I need to pull myself together, put some make-up on and leave this house. Not too sure what I am going to do, probably go to his house and check on the dogs. I think I am going to go to a movie. He can never know just how much of a wreak I am right now. Tomorrow I will go and do the things I was suppose to do today. I come home tonight and clean up the house and do the laundry and dishes. I can do this, right?
Well I am doing much better right now. I did not go to a movie instead I went to get the dogs from dbf house and I sat there and watched a movie with the doggies. It was ok and enough to get me out of here. I did however talk to my dad (he called to see what I was doing) I cried and he gave me advise. We are so a like it scares the hell out of me. I admire my dad for so many things but there are things that I really had hoped I would not take on. Anyway his wife has done some of the same things and he worries and gets upset but in the end that one little thing usually is nothing compared to all the good. This is right I mean this is just one weekend, but the difference between our situations is that dbf is not giving me a chance to even see what goes on down there let alone get to know people who are suppose to be so important in his life. My dad has had these chances and chooses not to go with my step mom when she flies out west to see her friends because he does not really like them all that much but he understands that they are her friends and lets her go. My dad like me does not have any friends, he has a few he works with and a few that I wouldn’t say they are exactly friends. I use to have friends all over and now I just have one in Cali. What happened? Am I really that bad of a person?
So back to what I was saying, after I left dbf house I went and got something to eat, did not eat a whole lot of it but enough to make me feel a little bit better I guess. I laid down on the couch to finish watching #3 of the North and South series…I just love that series!
Oh a friend of mine (online) did send me an email back about what I have been dealing with this weekend and really I think she hit it right on. Here is what she had to say….
A decent relationship is all about compromise, a compromise in this situation is not, 'Well I'm going to go get drunk with my friends tonight and I don't want you there in case I do something stupid' a compromise is maybe 'ok well I'll go but I'll drink responsibly and be a mature adult' or 'I'll go and maybe get drunk but I'll have you come with me so you can tell me when I start acting like an ass' –
Alright I am going to go get my dishes done then the laundry. I am going to call and see if the nail place is open today and if not then I will go see a movie. I am not going to wait by the phone today for him to call. I can feel myself already getting uptight because when he left to go down there he left right at 9am even though I had just stopped over to see him, it is now 9am. I wish all clocks would just disappear! Last night that is all I kept doing was watching the clock wondering what he was doing at that time, if he was drunk, in bed with someone else, even thinking about me as much as I have thought about him. Yeah I know pathetic but I can’t seem to control myself. I do know we have a lot of talking to do when he does get home. Yeah know I just though about something, she told dd he would be home by the time she got back from her daddies…he better follow through although I bet he has already forgotten about it. Again I wish all clocks would just go away!
Again I thought this might help but I think it has just upset me more!