Well, I hope I am doing this right. I have never writen anything here before. Well, here it goes.....
My name is Melissa and I am 29. Not looking forward to my 30th birthday. I have a DH (Chris) the love of my life. And I have 2 beautiful kdis. Nathan is 2 1/2 (Jan. 11th 2001) and Emily almost 8 months. (Nov. 14th 2002). She is my surprise baby!! They are 22 months apart. I love them more than anything.
Ummm, lets see.....I decided to write in here to get things off my chest, not that there is much. Actually I have thought about writing a journal for a while. I had one in high school that I wrote in EVERYDAY. It is kinda cool to look back on.
Oh, I met my husband when I was in college my freshman year. Actually we were best friends!! Cool huh???? Well, little by little we were dating and got engaged. We were engaged for 3 years before getting married. Then we lived in an apartment for one year before buying a house. Then 2 years later Nathan came. And then 22 month later Emily arived. We just celebrated our 6 year annv. last month. I am really happy.
Well, this is kinda a boring, SORRY!! I actually wonder if anyone will even read this. But in the end it is for me and not anyone else. Well, I will write more later......
Well, I finally get to write in my journal again. I am sooo tired from a long weekend. I can't believe it is already 9:00pm. Nathan finally fell asleep. I don't know why he has been so attach to me lately. He doesn't want me to leave him in the bed alone.
Emily has been sleeping since 7:30pm. She is sooo tired. She was such a snugler (?) today. We went swimming for the first time with her. At first she hated it. Then she was hanging on me.
Oh, I didn't say what we did today. We went to Dh's parents boat. Infact I feel like I am still on it. Nathan loved it. I stayed with Emily on the bottom while she slept. Infact I fell alseep also. Usually I hate the boat, but they just got this one and I was sooooo nice. Gosh, I wish the room would stop rocking! LOL
Ummm, on Sat. we just hung out. I took Nathan to his last swim lesson. Oh, I can't believe my baby girl will be 8 month tomorrow!! Wow, she seem so small still. I guess it is because she doesn't crawl yet. When will she??? Oh, well I love how she loves to be carried in the sling. Nathan was too wild for him to like that. She loves to fall asleep in the sling.
Gosh, I bet everyone reading this thinks I have a boring life. Infact, I love my life (right now).
I think my big thing right now are my kids. And since I am not having more I will just enjoy them.
Oh, Nathan and I are going to spend the day together. We are going to go to the library since he loves books right now. Then I think I will take him to the movies for the first time. I have every other Monday off from work. I have to work FT. So, I think some Mommy time will be good for him.
Well, I better go and get some rest.
OMG!! I can be sooo dumb. I think I have signed on to with two different names....Lovmykids and Lovemykids. So I am going to use Lovemykids, since I can remember my pass word. This way if anyone has noticed this that is why I have two names. Gosh I hate how dumb I am sometimes!!!
Well, so far I am having a great day with Nathan. We went to the store to get a present for a birthday party. When we were there Nathan went potty on the tolet. I was sooo proud of him! We then went to the library for the first time and got him a card. He was sooo excited.
We are going to go to the movie in a few hours. He is resting and watching the Wiggles right now. He just loves them.
I know it seems boring everything I write, but I am just not ready to add too much personal things yet....I am just getting use to writing a journal again.....
Sometimes I wish I had tons of money. Not that other people don't. But it would be so nice to be able to say if I wanted to work or not. Also so I can buy whatever I wanted. It is hard since we are just making it by. Daycare is so much money, but I will not but the kids in someones house. Only in daycare centers. I checked out there daycare really good. I won't trust anyone with my kids except for certain family members. I never want my kids to go through what I did....
Umm, okay I guess I can talk a little about my best friend. She will never read this. Well, she is moving in like 1 year, I am okay with this. I never really keep friends anyways. Don't get me wrong I wish I could keep friends, it just seems like while I was growing up they were so unlike me. In college I had tons of friends. I am friends with them still, but they live 3 hours away. It is harder as you get older. I usually just spend time with the family. Afterall, Dh is my best friend. I do love him soooo much. He is always there for me and I can talk to him about anything.
Umm, well I see this has gotten pretty long and boring. So I will go.
I didn't write in here yesterday. I got sooo busy.
Anyways, Nathan loved the movie. Well, some of it he hung on to me. But I loved that. He did laugh a little. I don't think we will be going again for awhile. It had been so long since I went to the movies and didn't relize how much it was. In the end it was $20 and that was for a small popcorn (which Nathan loved) water and two tickets.!!!! I can buy a movie cheaper!
No much else going on. Dh was paying bills yesterday and he was in a bad mood. I hate that time!!! I was upstairs with Nathan (Emily already in bed). Nathan has been so hard to get to sleep now. I lay down with him in my bed and wait until he is asleep to leave. The last 2 nights I fell asleep also. Tonight I will try to stay up so I can spend time with DH. I think he feels alone! LOL
Ummmm, Emily is getting so big. I still can't believe she is 8 months old. She loves to laugh all the time. I miss both kids while I work. They are all I think and talk about. I really wish I could stay home.
Well, better go. Sorry so boring
Not too bad of a day. I get to go home early today, so I can take the kids to a birthday party. I don't care for the mother of the little boy, but I won't let that come between the kids. I have no idea what this party will be like. I know that the boys mother won't let the child have a birthday cake because that would be too messy!! So, the kids will have cookies. Isn't that CRAZY!! I can't image not letting my kids have cake at there party!
Nathan fell asleep at 9:00pm last night after fighting sleep for one hour. I got to sneak downstairs and spend time with DH
Emily woke up at 5:00am so DH gave her a bottle. I don't mind getting up with the kids. It just means I get a little "love" in the middle of the night! I love when Nathan sleeps with him. He is so cute when he sleeps. I would never let my parents know that Nathan wakes up at night and comes in our room. She would freak!! Emily sleeps so good in her own room in the crib that I let her be. If she were to wake up and not get back to sleep I would sleep with her also. I think Nathan was like 14 month when he started sleeping with us. I would of done it sooner, but I was told by everyone that it is not right! WHATEVER!! I already was told not to nurse the kids and I was dumb about that one. NO ONE WILL EVER TELL ME HOW TO RAISE MY KIDS NOW!! They are mine!!!!!
Okay enough about the vent....
Not much else. I don't know what to really write in this journal yet.... I have issue to write about, but not ready to yet..... I don't know why????
I just don't feel confortable yet. It is hard when you know that people read these journals. I have never posted on any of the boards. I can't figure out where I belong yet???? I look around and see nothing for me. Not even my birth board moves. I do post on a nother site, but more and more I just read it. I don't fit in. I just I always feel this way. Where do I fit????? When someone figures this out let me know!
For now my life is my DH and kids...........
Well, that is all for now
Okay so here I am again....
Not much going on. I hate work today (which I usually like) well, not hate it is just that one of the ladies is out for 2 weeks and I am filling in. It gets pretty crazy where I am.
Oh, good news, DH's grandparents are making dinner for us. YEAH!! We are going there after work with the kids. I just hope that the kids are good. It is hard since they have only one highchair and we had 2 kids. I don't know what we will do with that. I guess I will let DH take care of that!!
I am at lunch right now. I am sooo tired I would love to take a nap, but that is now possible. I have been tired lately. I am so glad it is Friday. I hope this weekend is good. I hope the kids are good. I hope they let me sleep in longer that 6:30am!! :P
Ummm, can't think of anything else to write. I guess my best friend will want to see me tonight. She is having men problems. I get tired about hearing about it all the time. But I am a friend...............
Wow it has been awhile since I wrote. Actually I have thought about this journal a lot. I just don't know what to write. All my life consits of is getting kids ready in the morning for daycare, getting myself ready, going to work and working all day, picking up kids, spending time together as a family, then getting ready for bed. I wish I had a time out. I really wish some days I could stay home with the kids. I hate when the neighbors talk about daycare and how they would never put there kids there. I love the daycare the kids go to and they love it also. People make me sooo mad
I guess now I am venting in my journal, but since it is mine I can..right?!
The kids are doing good. Emily is moving backwards alittle on her belly. It is sooo cute. Nathan is talking more and more each day. I am so glad about that. He kisses Emily all the time and calls her pretty. I promise to remember the times when the kids got along, since soon enough they will be fighting. LOL
Dh is going to the race in Richmond in Sept. Not too thrilled about that one, since it will be all weekend long and I will have the kids. I swear he always gets a break from the kids and I never do. Do you know how many times I have taken care of the kids for a day or even a weekend. And how many times he has???? My a lot, him NONE! I left Sunday just to go to the store. At first he said to take one of the kids. Well, Nathan was taking a nap so Dh said oh, I will watch both. Big surprise. Well, I called to make sure I didn't forget anything and I could hear Emily crying. She cried the whole time I was gone!!! I picked her up when I got home and she stopped right away. Oh, course it made my heart feel good, but really Dh couldn't get her to stop.
Okay, this was a big vent day I guess. But I feel better. I don't mean to bash Dh, he is a really good daddy!!! He loves his kids, cooks dinner all the time. Helps cleaning....so I don't have it bad.
Well, gotta get to work!!!
I guess I let this journal get away for a while. It is so hard to write in it everyday. This past weekend was good. We all went to the pool as a family. Nathan was everywhere. Emily just snuggled with me in the pool. Oh, and Nathan broke a window in the house. He didn't do it on purpose. He was playing with his golf set, which I didn't relize it was in the house. Well, he found a plastic ball, which he then hit. He is a really good hitter. Well, you know the rest. I thought DH would go crazy, but he was like "Oh my G-d". I think we and our guest were all just shocked that a 2 1/2 year old could do that. I then took the clubs downstairs for outside.
Well, Dh's boss has an extra window we can have. Since his boss lives down the street we know that the window will work since we have the same house. Emily took a 3 hour nap yesterday. She has been eating really good also lately. I wanted to keep her home today since I have the day off, but I have to take the car in and I don't think I want her waiting with me. So I will pick up both kids early from daycare. Nathan has been so happy to go to his classroom now, which makes it easier on DH.
Oh, and my mom came over yesterday to go shopping with me and the kids. I thought I would only take Emiliy, but Nathan really wanted to go also. Dh wanted to stay home (can't blame him with NO kids), hell I would too. LOL
Well, I told Nathan to stay with Grandma if he wants to go. He has to stay in the stroller, but if he wants out to hold my Mom's hand. Well, Nathan loves my Mom, but he is kinda shy around her. My mom is not the baby type. I would never let her watch my kids unless I REALLY needed someone. Okay here come the real vent of the day. I know I will cry while I type it, but I have to get it out.........................
My Mom and I don't have a really good relationship, actually I am not sure if we have one at all. Sure my Mom and Dad help with money problems, but when it comes to really supportive stuff my parents just aren't there. I love my dad to death, but over the years it has gotten worse. My mom has this thing about weight. Well, who doesn't???? Well, she will point out ever fat person (which pisses me off, G-d made everyone different for a reason!!) and will say she is fat (my mom). Well, my mom is not fat maybe a little over weight, but who isn't. Well, she has been on and off so many diets and exercises. Infact we use to go to a dance class together. Well, my dad is really, really skinny. He works out all the time, but he is also a really bad eater and has stomach problems. I have stomach problems from his also. My brother (who decided that he was gay his whole life and just decided to leave his wife, yes wife and child) has delt with his weight his whole life. He just lost like 50 pound and was too skinny, now he gained some back. Well, my mom says to me as we are walking, wow your brother has gained weight again. Who cares is all I was thinking. I said well, it is his life. My mom NEVER says I look good after having two kids or anything. When ever I ask do I look good she says "yeah". Well, I should be happy, but I always feel like she is looking at me. I hate that feeling. I was always scared that she would tell me I am fat. I am still waiting for that. I have a REALLY bad eating disorder starting from 4 grade untill college. Anytime someone would say something to her, she was like "Melissa is fine" NO I WAS NOT!!!! I was very unweight and ate nothing all day. All I wanted was for my Mom to care about me!!! Now I have had 2 kids and I lost all my weight. I do think I have more to lose. Well, my DH says "You look great" well, I know I am 5'6 and weight 125lbs and that is okay, but I think I won't feel right until my mom says I look good. Infact she was saying that she lost like 10 pounds and has to buy new clothes. Well, she says she need to lose some on her hips, well I said that would be nice for me. She say yeah!!! Oh, gosh it sounds so dumb now that I am writing it, but in the end I just want my mom to be proud of me for once.
Another thing that make me not so close it that she use to have this guy babysit me and my brother. Well, you would think a mother would know if her little girl was be abused by a guy. NO!!!! I forgot all about it until I was in JR high. Well, then I had a teacher, yes a teacher abuse me also. I should of know better by 8th grade, but I just love the attention. HE told me every day how cute I was and bought me special gifts. Well, I remember my mom saying...did your teacher.....(I can't even remember his name!!) do anything to you. I said ummm, NO why. IF A MOTHER EVEN THOUGHT DON"T YOU THINK HE WOULD BE DOING SOMETHING
Well, my mom belived me. I was too scared to say no. Well, I can't remember a lot of it, since I blocked it out.
Well, thank G-d for my DH, he was there when I would eat, he was there when I had bad dreams and would wake up crying. I didn't remember a lot of things until college for some reason. I think once I got a way from home everything came out. Also my DH was there when I had to go a doctor to talk about everything.
Oh, one important thing is that when I was in high School I told my mom about the babysitter when we were coming home from dance class. Do you know she had the nerve to ask me if I need to talk to someone. I said "No, I don't think so" then she said then I don't ever want to hear about it again!!!!!!!!! *****!!! I WAS ABUSE!!!! It wasn't my fault or was it???? I was 6!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So, here I am at 29 still trying to be perfect!!!! Okay now I am in tears. It is so much to get off my chest!! I really do hate that women sometimes.
I WILL NEVER TO THIS TO MY KIDS. This is why they go to a well know daycare and not someones house!!!! I would never not eat again because of my kids and DH. It is hard everday. Gosh, I don't know what else to say.............
God, I haven't written in here for like a loooong time.
Lots, has been going on, but I only have a min. Then I have to go back to work
Emily is now 9 months old and crawling !!!
Nathan is almost potty trained. Well, at least wear "big boy" underwear. I also got him into a class starting this Sunday. I am excited since it is a Jewish class. He will be doing it with me. It has singing and art work and stuff.
DH is being the same. Good dad, good husband.
Gosh, not really anything else. I am soo tired today. Emily usually sleeps all night and last night woke up a few times. To be honest I just love holding her and her sleeping in my arms.
Nathan has been really attached to me lately, he wants me to stay with him all night!!! He already sleeps in our bed, I at least need to go see his daddy for a few hours!!!
Well I will try to keep this more up to date!!!
I am here once again.....
Nothing really new going on. Nathan is Potty trained
I am sooo proud of him. He just turned 2 1/2 and he is standing up and all. Emily is now starting to pull herself up. She just started doing that.
We have a birthday party to go to this weekend. It is for my neice. She will be 5
It is funny writing her since I thought this journal would be about the "kids" but really sometimes it is about me. I just I just write whatever I feel. Gosh lets see today has hardly started and I feel down. Sometimes I feel like no one cares about me. Like I am just going through life and no one notices. Of course DH and the kids love me, but I don't really have tons of friends. I know people, but just to call someone and say lets go do this..... I have one friend that I do that to. Why is it harder in life as you get older?
I did take Nathan to a religious group on Sunday for Sunday school. He loved it. May be I can meet someone there. I think it is important for women to have at least one friend they can say anything to. I do have one, but she will be moving soon. What will I do???? Not like this journal can answer the question
Well, not much else. I am trying to write in here everyday, but it is hard. I think I will keep Nathan home with me my next day off (I think).
Oh, I almost forgot to write that Nathan is also riding his bike tons more and doing really good. No more fighting to get him to wear the helmet, he knows he has to wear it!!!