My Life, the Joys

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My Life, the Joys

I decided to start an online journal. I was going to just start one in Word, but figured- HEY, why not just do it online Biggrin

I am a SAHM to a 4 y/o (Chris) and a 2 y/o (Hailey). I recently interviewed for a p/t medical records clerk job which would be every other weekend. I also started my own business with Market America, an unFranchise company, which has really been successful. I am just at a point in my life, where I feel like I need *more* than just staying at home with my kids (though I hate saying "just staying at home," because its a lot of work!!). I just need another dimension.

I graduated with my BA in May 2002 and have enjoyed my time off-- but am ready to get back out there, as long as I can do so without putting my kids in daycare.

My dh has recently told me he wants another baby-- and I am not sure I do. I am only 24, so I have plenty of time to think about it-- but he wants another soon. I would still like to lose a little more weight (about 10 lbs or so) before getting pregnant and get back to our "healthy lifestyle" a bit more.

This summer is going to be so busy with landscaping and such, as we just built out new house and moved in late last fall. We have no grass yet Lol , so we are in for a LONG spring and summer ahead of us.

Until next time...

Michelle

edited to prove a point

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Another cold Day in Wisconsin. Wow- do we need spring. My kids are going crazy. We decorated Easter Eggs yesterday and are making cookies and cupcakes today. I guess that means I am cleaning the kitchen today, as well Lol

I have a 2nd interview for my medical records job today. It's with HR this time, so hopefully I will find out if I "get" the position :!: I am really excited.

I am going to start fake-baking again. I always feel so much better when I am tan-- wonder why????

Dh and I have been really working on our relationship lately, and things have been going pretty well. We had a really rough spot there for a while, but we are both putting a lot more effort into our relationship, so things have been going better.

I hate my ILs. I wish we lived in another state. They drive me absolutely crazy. I have never met such irresponsible people in my life. AND They are chronically late. AHHHHHHHHHH. Why did I have to marry into such a family :x Oh well, I love my husband!

Well, I am off to break up a sibling fight Wink

Michelle

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So much has happened since my last entry. My baby weaned :cry: I was actually pushing her gently to wean, but I didn't expect it to happen so fast. She is 27 months old. Its bittersweet-- my baby is growing up Sad

Dh and I have been discussing "spicing" up our life together. We have become so predictable and hardly ever get out without the kids (though we do get out *with* the kids quite often). It seems so difficult to get out of our rut-- but we are determined to do so Smile

My new job is going really well. Everyone there is really nice and helpful-- and the day goes by really fast. It's a LOT of walking, though, so I need to get some better shoes! Why is it that women's shoes are so terribly uncomfortable, unless you pay hundreds of dollars??? UGH. Hmm....might be a bash Wink

Dh really wants to start conceiving another baby. I don't know what I want. I know I want more kids, but I am not sure I do right now. I would like my body back for a little while before we get pregnant (being that dd just weaned) and we have been having some real behavioral problems that we are working on with our 4 year old (Our Disobedient, Spirited Child, LOL)

There is so much more to write, but I must go for now

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Things have been so busy! Dh and I celebrated our 3rd anniversary on May 20. He got me a really pretty diamond necklace and a bird bath (from the kids). We also went to the restaurant at the place we got married Biggrin

I went out with one of my friends on Saturday night. We had few and danced it up and went home. It was fun! It's nice to get out.

We are going to the Dixie Chicks concert on Thursday and I am SO excited!! WOO HOO. I couldn't care less what they said about our president. Get the HELL over it already. I LOVE their music and they put on a great show. I can't wait!!!!!!!!!!

We had a great weekend-- really busy. We are landscaping around our house (finished building it late Oct last year, so we didn't get to do a yard, yet). It is so much work, but the kids just have a blast. We planted our vegetable garden yesterday and they were such big helps.

Christopher has been having some serious discipline issues-- but I think its a result of pre-school being over for the summer. Once we start swimming lessons and music lessons I think he will be much easier to live with-- at least I HOPE so!!

I am so tired of hearing people bitch about money problems. What the hell is up with that? My IL's are constantly bitching about their money problems, but they have 4 adults in the house, 3 work full time. They have no car payments. WHY do you have money problems?? Because you buy TOO much SH*T!!!!!! Control yourselves already. Sheesh. I hate stupid people.

I had a half day at the Spa on SAtuday. That was fabulous. I got a one hour massage, a mineral bath, a pedicure, a manicure, a facial, and make up application. AHHHHHH. It was wonderful (and it was my mother's day present). I got to that every month Lol

I have been having impure thoughts about men other than my dh- and I feel guilty as hell about it. A few weeks ago I ran into a guy I totally had the hots for in high school-- and I told him. :shock: What the hell was I thinking??? WE really flirted and it was lots of fun-- but I feel it was totally inappropriate. I wish dh and I could get through our problems. I really think we may need to start counseling.

My brother's drinking is totally out of control again. I really believe he and his wife will be getting divorced soon. It's really sad. They have been together for 11 years (married 3) and are really doing terribly-- and no one is really putting any work into the relationship. I just thank God they had no children.

Well, hopefully I will update this more regularly.

Until then...

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Summer has just about arrived-- the weather has been FABULOUS here. The kids and I were out in the pool today and it was wonderful!

We started swimming lessons yesterday and music lessons today. It was so wonderful. Listening to my son play the piano is just heart wrenching-- he is growing up so fast :cry:

My dd is just a natural swimmer. I love it. I have never been great in the water-- so its nice to have a natural among us. Both kids got to go down the water slide and they just loved it! What a fun class!

I have to work this weekend-- and dh is going fishing out on Lake Michigan on Sunday. I hope he has a great time-- he really deserves it.

L and I have been planning for our health show. It should be great. We got together today to go over some final ideas and plans. I love talking about health and helping people to learn about health! It amazes me how little people actually know about nutrition in general. Kind of scary, when you really think about it!

My organic veggie garden is turning out wonderful this year. I am SO excited. WE should tons of veggies for the summer and to can/jar for this winter. How exciting-- and the kids are learning tons. I love it.

DH and I have started watching our carbs in our diet. Its HARD! I never realized how many things have lots of carbs. YIKES.

Well, off to teach a class. Later...

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UGH! This low carb thing is *KILLING* me. I never realized how how incredibly addicted to sugar I am. I have the withdrawl headaches SO bad! I am just a whiner Blum 3

I don't have really much weight to lose (maybe 10 lbs), but I just feel that lowering my carb intake will be better over the long run for both my cholesterol levels and my insulin levels, since I am at a risk for both heart disease and diabetes.

I really and truly hate my IL's. I have never seen people who honestly care about their children/grandchildren so little. I still can't get over the fact that My BIL and his wife let their almost 5 y/o, 4 y/o and 2 y/o outside to play by themselves-- with no supervision. WTF??? THey ride their bikes by the road, go out of sight (couldn't even see them out a window), and no one seems to think this is odd. Gee, wonder why I won't let you watch my kids??

My MIL even thought it was funny that she came out of the shower one day and the 2 y/o had children's tylenol all over her. Funny?? Pretty Fing scary, if you ask me.

Well, I have to work this weekend. 3rd shift is really a strange shift to get used to-- but its fun. I love working at the hospital and the people I work with are lots of fun. I *hate* sleeping my days away, though. Oh well-- the extra $$ and time out of the house is really nice-- and daddy gets to bond with the kids without mommy around. It's really a good thing.

Dh really wants another baby. I told hm once I get a really good "diet," as in eating habits, down and improve my fitness routine (I still sort of lack a bit there), then we can start talking about babies-- but that won't be until at least fall. We have so much to do around the house-- with landscaping and painting (new construction is so much fun Lol ) and all-- and I want all that done before I am even pregnant. I just want to enjoy my kids and my pregnancy and not have a huge project going on (like I had with both my other pregnancies).

I am seriously considering either a homebirth or birthing at a birthing center. There is one about 1/2 hour away, but I am afraid my labor will be too quick for that (history of very short labors!). A homebirth might be the best way to go for me. UGH. I don't know-- I have plenty of time to plan, anyway.

Off to try to nap with the kids so I can make it through work tonight!!

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Wow- its been a long time since I posted. So much has been going on.

I have decided to go back to school to become a certified nurse midwife. I am already working as a doula (very part time) and I just feel I have found my calling. I start school in January. It should take me about 3 years or so.

I have been having so much ovulation pain that I finally went in to see my dr and found out I have ovarian cysts. I am waiting on my follow up u/s report to find out if they grew, shrunk, turned into aliens, whatever.

Dh and I are getting along so much better. We had such a rough spot there that I didn't think we were going to make it-- but now I think we are! Wehave decided we want another baby, but are going to wait a while.

Christopher is officially really reading. He is reading full books to us now. I can't believe it-- not even 5 years old! He can also add, subtract, spell and all sorts of things. He's so brilliant!

Hailey is doing really well with her alphabet and "same and different." I am so proud of her. She's growing up too fast, too. Next year she'll be in preschool and Chris will be in Kindergarten (gifted and talented program).

Work on 3rd shift has been going pretty well. Its actually kind of fun, but strange!

We are having Christmas at our house this year, so we are trying to get it all ready by then! We are also having Chris' 5th bday party (nemo themed) here in December-- so we are rushing!! We are going to hang blue and green streamers down from the ceiling and put colored celophane over the windows to create an "udnerwater" atmosphere. We are also making all sorts of fish decorations to hang on the wall and fishing line to hang from the ceiling. We are having "star fish" sandwiches and Fish cake, LOL. I am TOO excited! Oh, and did I mention 20 preschoolers? ROFL@@@@

Well, that's it for now...until later (hopefully not 4 1/2 months!)

Michelle

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Ok- apparently my u/s was normal... but I have bilateral ovarian cysts. :roll: WTF? How can that be normal? I am going to have to get my OB to look at this. This much pain cannot possibly be normal.

Christopher read a whole "Dick and Jane" book to me last night-- what a little smartie pants.

I have a doula client who is due in the next few weeks. Hopefully this birth goes well.

Got my period today-- thought I was going to die from pain, but here I am still alive.

Gotta go make dinner.

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My life has turned upside doewn. My brother and his wife have been having marital problems and have decided on divorce (big deal, right?). well, my brohther is severely depressed. HE has been threatening suicide for a month now. This past week, his wife found him in the garage, door closed, car on and him "sleeping," and all she did was open the garage door and tell him she was going to call his mom. WTF??? If my dh was attempting suicde you'd damn well better believe I'd be calling 911 and getting him some serious mental help!!!

My parents had to go pick him up last night from the police because he was drunk and harrassing some woman. I am so upset I could just cry. He *needs* help so badly-- and yet he (that he knows, btw)doesn't want to get any. I am afraid he is just giong to kill himself and we'll never be able to help!!I am afraid and sad and mad and UGH!

Thoughts/prayers/whatever appreciated in this really difficutl time!!

Michelle

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I got offered a new job in the hospital I work at- and I took it. I am now working in the Lb as a "Client Service Representative." Basically I register and order all the tests for specimens that come in. Its a really fun job!

My brother got picked up for DUI and will now be spending time in jail (2nd offense). He is getting into a program (simply for the look in court, but ..) and I really hope it helps. I don't know why he is throwing his life away. UGH. Some people. I am so tired of how important alcohol is in SO many people's lives.

Dh and I are thinking about tc in June- actually we've pretty much decided we are going to. I am trying to get into my really healthy lifestyle again (stopped taking my antioxidants and multivitamins and omega 3's recently)- before we get even near ttc. Our kids will be so excited!

We are going to DisneyWorld at the end of March and I am SOOO excited. We had a great time at DIsneyLand last year, so its going to be even more fun this year. I can't believe my kids are 5 and 3 already. Where did the time go? Chris will be starting Kindergarten in the fall and Hailey will be in preschool. WOW! Time goes so fast!!!

Will try to update more often, LOL!

Michelle

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My brother went to an AA meeting last night- and it sounded like he was actually impacted by it! He talked about it for over an hour--- and he has plans to go to another one. It just gives me so much hope. I really hope he can stick with it. He does have the wonderful luck of having someone he knows as an active member of AA (for 24 years), so I hope that keeps him going!

I have been spending a lot of time talking about being molested as a child lately. It has had such an enormous impact on my life- and I can't believe my parents wouldn't have figured that out when I was so much younger. It was just a horrifying experience that I can actually visualize today-- and it was 21 years ago! My asshole cousin that did it, also went on to rape a 15 year old girl last year. I was SO upset I almost cried. HIs son was caught licking another boy's butt while they were playing as well. Don't tell me that boy (his son) wasn't molested! UGH. It makes me so mad I could scream!

Being molested had such a HUGE effect on my life- and even as an adult I have problems with my sexuality and my sexual desires. Its horrible. I can't believe this is somthing I have to deal with even now- and I was only molested once. I can't imagine what these poor children who were molested so many times must feel like.

ANyway, it feels good to be getting some of this out- and realizing that I am not the only one who was molested and became sexually promiscuous- even Oprah has admitted that's why her life went the way it did when she was a teen. Other public figures have come out and said the same- and it feels SO good not to feel like a freak!

Until later-

Michelle

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I am at work- and we are slow, so I figured I would update my journal.

My kids are getting just WAY too smart, LOL. Chris learned how to tie shoes yesterday- and he picked in up in like 10 minutes. WOW! Hailey is writing very well-- she writes her name especially well.

I really have to plan a romantic night with dh. I have SO not been in the mood for sex, but its not really fair to him. I have been so tired and so busy lately that he's really been on the back burner. We are going out on Saturday night for a nice dinner and a nice theatric performace-- so hopefully that will help. My parents are keeping the kids, so we don't have to worry about getting home early or anything.

I really want to start graduate school, but I am really afraid to with my kids still at home and with working and everything. I think it might be too much. I know my path will come, but its so hard waiting for it! UGH!

Ok- off to think of some romantic ideas for dh......

Michelle

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A couple weeks and I am signing my little boy up for kindergarten. I can't believe it. I know he will do well- he is so far advanced its kind of scary-- and he is SO looking forward to school. I haven't yet decided if I should let him ride the school bus though. I know he really wants to, but the safety aspect has me worried.

Dh and I are doing so much better. We are getting a ong and such- I just wish I could get my sex drive back.

YOO HOO! Sex drive- where are you???? LOL!

I started working out with a fitness trainer at the Y. My regular workouts just weren't doing it for me anymore- and felt I needed to move up to the next level. I am looking forward to wearing a 2 piece this summer- and on vacation!

My dh and kids got me a "trophy" for being the "world's best mom and wife." I thought it was so cute. What a great family!

I really need to go out with my friends one of these days. Just getting out away from everything will be nice.

Ah, work tonight. I really am liking this job, though!
Until next time...

Michelle

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I am at work- waiting for the next drop off.

I don't know why I let myself get sucked into stupid comments from people on the debate boards. There are so many intelligent, wondeful women to debate with- and a few just ruin the whole thing for me. Guess I will just stay away from those boards for a while before I am embarrassed of what I will say and/or do.

Did I mention I am thinking of going back to school for teaching instead? I am looking into some programs-- and it will be relatively quick, as I already have my 4 year degree.

We'll see--I need something that will accommodate my family, and something that I will enjoy. I hope this path is the right one---- I am tired of looking for my path!

Michelle

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Oh my it feels like Spring outside! It has been in the 50's and 60's for the past 3 days- and I just LOVE it! I even sget a base tan before I go on vacation-- and I even found a place that will watch my kids while I tan!!! WOO HOO! What an awesome place!

I also started seeing my personal trainer at the Y. I really think this will help me move up to the next level in my fitness goals!

Work is going great. My "boss" sent me a "thank you" email telling me what a great job I am doing. Its nice to hear that you are doing good things, and not just when something goes wrong.

March 10th is Kindergarten screening for my son. I am so excited, but sad at the same time. He's growing up too fast!!!!

I keep second guessing if we are ready for another baby. I think it was much better when they just came, reather than planning for them. This is too hard for me!

Ugh- off to the vet with my dog....

Michelle

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I wonder if I will ever find someone I really *click* with on these boards. *sigh*

Michelle

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I am going to take my substitute teaching workshop on MArch 24 and 25th! I am really excited. Subs don't make much, but I think it will be a fun experience. I am also taking a class in May "Intro to education." I am VERY excited.

I went shopping for sweimsuts and actually found a 2 piece I really like on me. I am so excited I can wear one. Its the ones with the "shorts" (not really much of shorts, LOL) so I don't have to worry about my bikini line. HATE shaving- and don't like waxing either!

We are leaving for DisnyWorld in a few weeks! EEK- we are going to have SO much fun!!! THe kids are going to have a blast.

Went to work out with my trainer yesterday. That was fun. I really feel so much more relaxed when I work out. Its great!

My parents' new house is almost finished. I can't wait to see it now that the floors have been stained.

Work is going well. Had my first dept meeting yesterday- kind of lame, but went all the same, LOL. Not ahad much chice!

Its Friday! We are going swimming at the Y tomorrow-- can't wait!!!

Until next time---
Michelle

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OH, I wish I was an oscar meyer weiner.
That is what I'd truly like to be
For if I was an oscar meyer weiner
Everyone would be in love with me
:band:

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I CANNOT stand hypocritical people. "well, these are the rules for you, but I have different ones." Ugh. What a sad way to go through life.

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Chris had Kindergarten screening today. Of course he's ready, LOL!

He has a bit of a cold, so he wasn't quite himself, but he did wonderfully. They said he is very secure and completed all projects quickly and accurately. YEA CHRIS!

I know he's ready- but I still get so proud of him!

Hailey will have preschool screening next month, I think. I am pretty sure they said April.... Anyway, I am sure she will do fine as well.

My kids are growing up so fast. Where *is* the time going???

Michelle

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Yea- spring is here. I just love spring. I have been cleaning out cupboards and closets and loving every minute of it.

Both my kids have colds... poor little buggers. They're so sweet when they're sick...just wanting to snuggle and all. Gotta love little snuggle bugs.

Dh went through a major jealous stage again. UGH. I hate that. I am with him. Only want to be with him. I'm not going anywhere. What's the problem? I think men just have to create problems sometimes, LOL.

We have our dog on a diet- she lost a little over a pound, so that's good.

Next week is DISNEY WORLD. I am SO excited. I just can't wait to go. The trip will be WAY too nice. Its in teh 80s there right now. Warm Weather Here I come! Hopefully it won't be rainy, won't be too humid, and we just get to relax and have FUN!

Until then--

Michelle

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I haven't written in so long. Disney World was a BLAST ! Though, we did try to pack way too much stuff into our trip. Next year it will be more laid back, I promise! The weather was great, the kids were great, it was all just wonderful.

Hailey had preschool screening last week. They are referring us to an "articulation" specialist, as she has a lot of problems with her "s," "th," "j," and "ch" sounds. She is very understandable when she speaks, but better to get it all worked out now, at age 3, than to wait.

Went to the planetarium with Chris today-- it was a blast. I hadn't been to the planetarium in years!

Dh and i are having some problems- not sure how they will pan out. He's still jealous and possessive. I'm still withdrawn. I don't know that i have the effort to put into it anymore- I really don't.

I am starting school again in the Summer--- can't wait! I really feel good about getting back into it.

Hope to undate soon..

Michelle

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Well, dh and I had our first counseling session one week ago. It went, well, ok. Dh spent about 1 1/2 hours bitching about me and how our problems are pretty much my fault :roll: Sure, whatever. How screwed up though- he had no problem talking for 1 1/2 hours straight to a *stranger* but when we get home, he can't talk to me. Makes no sense whatsoever.

Our next session is on Saturday. Can't wait to see what that session will bring. UGH.

I had a terrible cold that I just got over. The kids got it too, but it was much milder for them. Thank goodness.

I got a call from Rogers Hospital wanting to interview me for a weekend position. Come fall, I am not going to be able to work the hours I am now at the lab, so I am going to need a new position. Rogers is closer than the hospital I work at now, but I would still like to stay pool here.

I am really in the mood to go out and act crazy. Totally crazy. Too bad dh isn't more into going out-- always looking for a problem, thinking anyone who talks to me is a horrible person, whatnot. Its SO irritating. Oh well...Please, work counseling!!

Michelle

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Dh and I had our second counseling session on Saturday. It went really, really well. We have also been having sex more often, so he is in a much better mood, LOL.

I am going to try to convince dh that he should take his mom gambling this weekend. That would be fun for her.

I interviewed for the Rogers position, but its 12 hour shifts, and I really don't think I want 12 hour shifts. Icky. I'll keep looking for a better alternative, I guess.

Chris had "Dad's Night" at school last night. They sang some songs, did some art projects and had a snack (root beer float!). They had a really good time- and I am glad!

I am so tired- things have been just crazy around here. I really need to clean my house, but I simply haven't gotten around to it. The kids have been going to bed so late, so I am super tired. Oh well. gotta love the little turds.

I am hoping to go out on Saturday night--- really hoping!

I am at work- bored- slacking off. Guess I better get back to it!

Michelle

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Well, its 9 pm and I am sitting at work- with nothing to do. Nothing. just Sitting here- but I have to sit here *in case* the phone rings. :roll: Whatever.

Today was a crazy day. I think I am going to have to wean the kids from their naps- they have just been staying up way too late and getting up WAY too early. Ick. Chris got up at 5 am this morning!

Dh and I have another counseling session on Saturday. Things seem to be going pretty well. I hope he will be going out with myself and my friends from work on Saturday. That would be lots of fun!!!

My friend, Lisa, asked me to go out Saturday for "girl's night," but I think I would rather spend some time with my dh, if my parents are going to watch the kids.

It sounds like my brother and his wife are still going to get divorced. Can't say I am unhappy about that. I really dislike her- a lot. she doesn't care about him at all, so I think he will be much better off. He's doing great with his AA program and I am really proud of him. It has made such a huge difference in his life. YEA!!!

Well, guess I should go surf the net some more, LOL!

Michelle

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UGH. My hip has been killing me lately. I think I am finally going to go in and get it checked. I am starting to think there is actually something wrong with it!
Dh and I are not getting along very well. In our last counesling session, he basically spent an entire hour bitching about me Great. Glad you think so highly of me and my motivations in this marriage.

He also had the nerve to say that he gets nothing out of this marriage. I don't know what to do. We are both so crabby when we are around each other, but I cannot imagine my life without him. *sigh* Who knew marriage could be so much work???

I have changed my career goals once again. I am going back to school for accounting. Everyone is laughing at me and thinks its totally hilarious. Oh well. I am good at it and have been doing accounting for the construction company for over 5 years. Now I just get the credentials.

Well off to the dr- to probably find out nothing is actually wrong with my hip- guess it just hurts :roll:

Michelle

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Things are not going well for dh and me. He is just so damn jealous and insecure all the time. I just can't stand it. It drives me fucking crazy. I am just sick sick sick of it. Then today he called me wanting to know why my mom had the kids for a while today. Is that a problem?

UGH. I just don't know where to go from here. WE keep having the same problems over and over again and I just don't think things will ever change.

Sad

Michelle

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When do you know when enough is enough? How do you know when to just give up on a pointless marriage? I am so frustrated and confused.

Michelle

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I need a divorce. I see no other way. WHy or why must life take these turns? I feel like I have no one to turn to. I feel like no one is there for me. No one understands how totally unhappy I am in this relationship. How do you even begin the end?

Michelle

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Besides getting divorced, I fell like I am losing one of my closest friends. I am going to have a break down through all of this. I just don't think I can handle all these losses at once. WHy me? Why now?

Michelle

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Last seen: 8 years 1 month ago
Joined: 10/30/01
Posts: 34

I can't seem to convince my dh that we need a divorce. He somehow thinks that things will work themselves out. I am at the point where I dont' care if I am around him at all. At the very least, I need to live separately. I cannot live with this man for much longer or I will go crazy.