So I'm alive. I've started playing Sims and it's been a great stress reliever for me. Who knew? I got a period after months of nothing just 2 days after playing an all encompasing computer game.
I cancelled the realestate class because DH's job at the time went to late and I couldn't make it. I have the money in the kitty (the don't give a refund unless the book is returned). So I'll sign up again, debating about doing the weekend classes. Not fun but then I'm in and done after 4 classes rather than 10, for one class anyway.
DS's meds seem less effective. Of course we did just have Halloween so maybe it's the candy. Whatever it is he needs to chill soon. He threatened to call the cops on us last night for tell him it's bedtime, to give you an idea of the insanity he brings to the house.
DD is fine. Growing and developing. She's quite entertaining. Hopefully the temper tantrum stage doesn't last to long with her. I told her she didn't belong on the floor during one outburst. She stopped screaming and just looked at me with this what do you mean face. It was cute. I didn't really mean anything, just came to mind so I said it.
My husband had a job interview. It seemed good but we haven't heard and they said they'd have a decision Monday (yesterday). Otherwise he has other contract jobs in the works. I really want him to get a regular jobs with benefits. This on again off again stuff is trying.
My parents are coming for a visit. My brother said my dad is planning to see a healer, since the medical industry says there is nothing more they can do. Surgery would kill him basically so he's on his own. He's not the sit back and wait for the grime reaper type so maybe this will benefit him in some way. All I can do is hope.
Not a good year at all. I can only hope next year is better, and try to find joy where I can.
I've talked to the anthem guy and found out he's a talent agent. I guess he was feeling me out. I certainly have had to work to get any bit of info. from him. I was given a 2nd phone number and found out when I called it. So who knows maybe I've gotten into something. I just hope to get to sing more, it's so much fun. But even at the soccer game the director said I'd meet a lot of people. They keep telling me that and I'm not sure what they really mean by it, but for now I'm enjoying the moment.
So it's been a while. I'm doing fine, but we're still seeking permanent employment. At least DH is working sometimes (contract work). My parents were in town, it was nice to visit with them, but busy because my IL's had some relatives in town at the same time. My freakoid MIL is in some kind of competition on whose parents get to spend the most time with DD. She really bugs me.
I entered a few singing contests. One that Oprah has and another that's local. Really hoping to get on Oprah and yes I feel crazy for doing this but also feel like I need to try so I won't ever regret not giving myself the chance. I won't hear about either for a while, and the waiting is the worst part. Not really the worst but I do wish I already knew.
DD is growing well. DS is doing okay. Now if DH would get a permanent job and we'd have insurance again things would be back to normal. Not sure how often I'll return. I'm not so much in the journalling mood anymore. Which really means I'm feeling happier and only usually write when I have something to complain about.
Well it's been a while. My dad passed on April 16th, 2005. I sent my son to foster care Feb 14, 2005. Sent my son to his dad's August 12, 2005. He ended up in foster care again after molesting his 3 year old brother, and in November 2006 our parential rights were voluntarily terminated.
I stupidly got divorced in June 2005. Had a psychotic break from Apr. 2006-Nov.2006. I had a temp job that was supposed to go permanent and lost it. I ultimately lost custody of my lovely daughter (we originally went with shared custody), and now have supervised visits with both children. Yes even though my rights were terminated I have visitation with my son. He's 11 now, she's 4. It went from awful to worse.
So I'm on meds now, filing bankruptcy, and hoping this job sticks so I can somehow make it on my own. I'm also trying to reconsile with my ex-husband. He now has a job, his job became permanent a few months ago. And well I really don't know where I'm going to go from here, I'm living a day at a time. I wanted to kill myself after the loss of my children but I haven't, and well they're still sort of in my life just not like it was at all. I went back and read my journal. What a different life I had. I miss those days.
It's a new day. My mom's newest boyfriend gave me some direction in my life. He helped me decide on a major and now I'm about to embark on completing a degree in Human Resource Management. So I have something to strive for. He said I'm a teacher type and well I prefer to teach adults so HR works.
Talked with my son, he's being moved to a different home and having a hard time. I really feel awful for what I've done to him. I tried to ease his concerns and I think it helped. My daughter misses me and I miss her too. She's getting a lot more chatty on the phone now. It's really cute. I hate that I compeltely fell apart. I was hearing voices, talking to myself, throwing away everything I owned. I really hate that my ex IL's went to the level they did when it comes to her, but I guess they were really worried about her safety and I was acting crazily. It's nice to feel more like my old self and I'm getting over the losses, which I thought I never would be able to do.
Well I'm beginning a better road, I hope.
Mackenzie 8 yrs.
Bianca 1 yr.