Need an outlet
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Thread: Need an outlet

  1. #1
    sweetpea94
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    Default Need an outlet

    Ok, here goes, I have never kept an online journal before. Let's see, even though this is for me, anyone reading should know>>

    Kelly - 26
    Married to Steve 7/14/00
    Mommy to :
    Trenton Alexander 10/31/96
    Reagan Mary-Lee 11/2/01
    Laura Lynne 5/4/04
    Work full time paralegal.
    Other people:
    Peggy MIL
    Don FIL
    Gail MOM
    Ron Dad
    Craig little bro
    Laurie craig's gf
    Gary - Trenton's dad mostly referred to as the sperm donor
    Jen - Gary's wife (mostly referred to as the stepmonster)
    Josh and Olivia - Gary and Jen's kids (TRenton's brother and sister)
    Bruce - Steve, Reagan and Laura's godfather.
    Zammie my doggie
    Kathy - day care provider
    Gram - Steve's grandmother

    Lately stressed due to family, money, work (just came back after 3 month maternity leave) and marriage is a little shaky.
    The reaso the marriage is shaky is b/c I lied to DH. Small lie became bigger and bigger and I had to make more up to stop him from finding out truth (we bounced a mortage check and did not have enough $ to pay it and I did not tell him). we ended up getting so far behind that they statred to foreclose and I was afraid to tell dh (I know - stupid mistake). He found out from the mortgage co when they called to talk to me and I was not home. My marriage almost ended right there and then. After he calmed down, he said he does want to stay together. Things just are a little tense and now money is VERY tight.

    Well, now that anyine reading knows what a scumbag I am (at least that is how it looks).....

    I did not want to screw up so bad and I regret everything that happened.
    I know I just made things worse and the pain of that is very hard sometimes. I love dh so very much and I miss the way things were.

  2. #2
    sweetpea94
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    Had a pretty good weekend, Sunday we went to my in-laws to remodel the bedroom. Miss Reagan is a terror! She is so fresh, but of course, half the time she is just repeating what her daddy tells her to say. Not much to write about, life is pretty boring. I decided that I need to lose weight. I am way too heavy!!! I feel so bad about the way I look and none of my clothes fit well. I am having a salad for lunch and a diet soda. I even brought fruit for an afternoon snack. Oh, who am I kidding, this will last a few days and then I will give up!! LOL. Well, at least I have good intentions.

  3. #3
    sweetpea94
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    Default

    just trying a siggy

  4. #4
    sweetpea94
    Guest

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    Last night sucked!!!!! I had to take 3 kiddos and MIL to Home Depot. Trenton hates the place, and Reagan is a handful as it is. We had to buy covers for the baseboard heaters, outlet covers and a new rug for inlaws bedroom. We spent almost 2 hours there with MIL worried the whole time about how much we were spending. FIL always yells at her for spending $ and she was afraid he would be mad about how much the covers for the baseboards costed. I kept telling her that theyv only had one kind and since my lovely hubbie already threw out all the old ones they had no choice. Of course he was at work, so I was going crazy!
    Finally we lft and went to inlaws for dinner, which was not cooked yet, and had to wait. The baby was fussy (cant blame her, that house is dirty, stuffy and loud) and Reagan was hungry and tired and Trenton was bored. Fun, fun!
    I am so aggravated b/c my house is a MESS and since I have to run around for dh and inlaws, I have not had a chance to clean in weeks. No wonder Trenton's stepmonster says we are slobs, my house looks it! Which of course makes me nuts, b/c she is Mrs. Perfect, with a clean house and husband who actually does stuff.

    I have resigned myself to the fact that Reagan is going to go to college with her binkie and in diapers. AHHHHH. Even Josh (Trenton's half brother) is trained and he is 4 months younger that her. Plus, aren't boys harder to train? WEll, maybe Jen (stepmonster) gave him suppositories (sp?) like she did to Trent.

    Well, I better get to work now, last thing I need is to get fired!

  5. #5
    sweetpea94
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    I just love being a single mother of 3.., oh that's right, I'm married, too bad he never helps me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so tired and stressed. Maybe once he gets the IL's room done I can actually get him to help me clean. But until then if he says that our house is a mess one more time, I will hang him by his toes (or amybe some more painful body parts) out the window. Ahh, I feel better now.

  6. #6
    sweetpea94
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    Default

    I know I Already wrote today, but.....

    So I have been reading other ppl's journals and doing heavy thinking. Sometimes I wish I could just move away from here with Steve and the kids and start over. A whole new life. Its hard to explain, but maybe if we went somewhere where we did not know anybody, Steve and I could try to get things back to the way they were in the beginning, plus I would not have to deal w/ Trenton's jerk "sperm donor" and the stepmonster.
    Steve has mentioned reinlisting and sometimes I think that that would be a good thing for us. When we are at the Navy base for his reserve unit picnics or other base activities, I see all the military housing and the way life seems to be and I want that. I could have friends that have the same kind of life as me, which I do not really have now. Most of my friends are not where I am right now, what with me being married and having kids. I have some friends who are parents from Trenton's school, but since I had Trenton so young, it is hard to realte to them. They only have kids his age and not little ones like I do. I do not have any friends with kids Reagan's age or Laura's age, that also have kids Trenton's age.

    Lately I have been telling Steve that if he want to go to Florida (he has always wanted to move back there since he was in Jacksonville when he was active duty) that he needs to find a job there. I can't leave without a good reason b/c of Trenton's "sd" and "sm". They will fight it tooth and nail if I tried to leave, but after talking to one of the lawyers I work with, if I have a good reason, like dh having a new job, the court would not stop me.

    Plus, if dh reenlisted, he would be gone for 6 mos at a time on a ship and he alwaqys has said that it would make our relationship like new when he came home. I know itn would be hard, but I kinda got myhself ready for that when he almost reenlisted a few tears ago.

    Wow, it feels really good to get all that out, I have never told ANYONE any of that!

  7. #7
    sweetpea94
    Guest

    Default

    Last night was a nice night. My Mom took Rea and Trent to the Trolley Museum during the day. After work, I picked up Laura ta Kathy's and went to my parents house for dinner. After we ate, I played Skip Bo with Trent, Mom and Laurie. I won!! Course, Mom and Laurie had never played before. After we left, Trent went to the IL's to help Steve andI took the girls home. I was actually in bed by 9:15!!!
    Steve is sucha PITA!! He told me he had to be to worknearly today. When I asked what time so I could tell Jamie (Kathy's daughter) he said I don't know. Well, Kathy is on vacation startiong today and Jamie id watching the kids, but she is sleeping at a friends house. I needed to tell her what time ti be home for Steve to drop of the girls. Finally, I got out of him that he wanted to be in at 9. Ok, no problem, I tell Jamie and call Trent's sd and let him know Trent would be there around 9, not at 10 like the schedule says.
    Then, at 9:20 this morning, Steve calls me at work to find out if I took $5 out of his wallett,(I did so I could get lunch today) b/c he needed it to geta haircut before work. I thought he had to be to work by 9!!!!!!!! Why do I bother making all the plans and rearranging all the schedules if he does whatever he wants anyway? AHHHHHHH!

  8. #8
    sweetpea94
    Guest

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    I am soooooooo tired!!! Tokk MIL to Home Depot (yes, again) last night to exchange the outlet covers she bought and pick up a few finishing things. We got back to her house around 7:45pm and still needed dinner. Reagan fell asleep on the way there and did not even eat. But, the good thing is she still slept through the night!
    Dh got home about midnight from the IL's and woke me up....
    So I did not get to sleep until after 1 am! I had only been sleeping about 40 minutes when he got home.
    After work todayI am going to this HUGE car sale. All the cars are either repossessions, leases, etc.... We need a van so bad! I am going to see what I can do about trading in my Rio and getting a van for cheap.The ad says payments as low as $77 a month. I know that with my credit I won't get that deal, but, I should at least go check it out. Poor Trenton is always stuck in the middle of the back seat and Reagan beats him up the whole car ride. I refuse to let him ride in the front! That's all I need, to get pulled over with him in the front and the "sm" to find out.
    Well, I better get to work, I wish my computer at home worked!


    PS- Kym, been there, done that, you should see my walls!! LOL.

  9. #9
    sweetpea94
    Guest

    Default

    Busy weekend!!!! I don't think I even stopped to think. Friday nite, I did not go to the car sale, I had to take FIL to (bet you can't guess where) Home Depot. God forbid he go during the day while I was at work. The only reason I take my MIL is b/c she does not drive due to her Cerebal Palsy. That man is so f'en lazy!!!!!!
    When I got home from there I had to pack Steve's clothes for his Rerserve drill weekend, I could not find his boots for anything! And when I called him at IL's he said he did not know where they were! Big help he is! I finally found them (thank you St. Anthony)in the attic in a box for his new dress shoes! Go figure!
    Saturday, I got up with Steve at 5:30 (yuck) and could not fall back asleep. I lied in bed for a while and then got and got ready to go to the car sale. There was a Chrysler Town & Country there, 2003 w/ 31,000 miles. I did not get it thought, b/c they would not tell me the actual price, just that it would cost $362.00 a month. I can not afford that!! But, there is a Kia dealership that has the Kia Sedona van for $13,999 brand new (2004). Well, with my car (my mom is going to buy it from me for $2500) and the Kia Owner Loyalty Bonus, it should cost abput $10,500. Not Bad! I will go see them this week.
    After the whole car thing, I went to my cousins graduation party. Reagan had so much fun! She played in the pool all day with the other kids.
    Yesterday I went to breakfast w/ my M & D and then went home to clean a little. When STve got home from drill I went grocery shopping. We had no food in the house! I only spent $103.00, not too shabby! After that, I picked up Trenton at "sd"'s house and then went to the IL's. ( I have been spending way too much time there). We had pizza and at 9:15 I went home. I did some more cleaning, finally vaccuumed up the Rice a Roni the dog got all other the floor and finally went to be at 11. I am dead tired today! All Steve has left to do is put in the rug and he is DONE with the IL's bedroom. Then I may finally have a husband again! LOL.
    Well, I better get to work

  10. #10
    sweetpea94
    Guest

    Default

    I cried so hard when I heard this song the first time, I had to put it in here. I rank it right up there with Creed's song.


    Artist: Staind
    Song Title: Zoe Jane
    Album: 14 Shades Of Grey
    [Buy " 14 Shades Of Grey " CD]

    Well, I want you to notice
    To notice when I’m not around
    I know that your eyes see straight through me
    And speak to me without a sound

    Chorus:
    And I want to hold you
    Protect you from all of the things
    I've already endured
    And I want to show you
    Show you all the things
    That this life has in store for you
    And I’ll always love you
    The way that a father
    Should love his daughter

    When I walked out this morning
    I cried as I walked to the door
    I cried about how long I’d be away for
    I cried about leaving you all alone

    Chorus:
    And I want to hold you
    Protect you from all of the things
    I've already endured
    And I want to show you
    Show you all the things
    That this life has in store for you
    And I’ll always love you
    The way that a father
    Should love his daughter

    Sweet Zoe Jane
    Sweet Zoe Jane

    So I wanted to say this
    Cause I wouldn't know where to begin
    To explain to you what I have been through
    To explain where your daddy has been

    Chorus:
    So I want to hold you
    Protect you from all of the things
    I've already endured
    And I want to show you
    Show you all the things
    That this life has in store for you
    And I’ll always love you
    The way that a father
    Should love his daughter

    Sweet Zoe Jane
    Sweet Zoe Jane

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