A New Chapter....
Hmm... I guess I can try one of these... I never have the time to actually sit down and write so i guess this would be a good time... I'm 24 and am the mom of 4.... Nicholas (6), Victoria (4), Sara (3), and Pauleon (1).... Life gets pretty hectic around the house. My two older ones don't live with me. They stay with their dad... Its hard as a mother, but its something that I've gotten used to during the years. Sara's my Step-Daughter, who wants to be just like me, I've actually raised her since she was about 2 months old. And Pauly, Well he's been with me since day 1... I rarely leave his side unless its to go to work.
Well I enjoy Writing, Cooking, Taking pictures, playing with my kids, I actually enjoy cleaning (its theraputic), along with other stuff i do.
Here are some pics that i have of me and my 3 bio children:
If you wanna know anything feel free to Pm me and ask!
My day started like any other really. Got up @ 5 to walk over to the bus by 6, to get to work by 8:30... Its a long commute, but I can't complain about the pay. Its the best thing about my job. I just fell like it takes away from the kids and their spending time with me. Especially Devin... Poor Devin. What he does for us is amazing. Thats where my story starts..... :book1:
We moved back to Miami, FL about 8 months ago. Last July. We we're living in Rock Hill, SC. Nice place, somewhat country... There was just nothing there for me. I was not working, Devin had got laid off the month prior, it was just a mess. To top things off I had to move back in with his mom... Bad choice. :angry5:She's a PITA It was ridiculous. So we made the choice to leave and make our life somewhere else. So that brought us back home. We've been through a lot but we're getting through as best we can....
Pauly is talking non stop... Its so hard to believe that at 20 months he talks more than his older brother did. He's even attempting to use the potty on his own. Devin said he's been working with him to get him trained. At least he's doing something to help me out while i work and sustain the family.
This weekend I make my Monthly trip to Gainesville to see the kids. I can't wait. The kids are super excited that I'm coming up. Nico keeps asking if his brother is coming up which is awesome. He's wanted a little brother for so long that he doesn't know what to think now that he has one. So we'll see how Pauly does this weekend. And the Princess (Tori) has her "kingdom" (her bedroom) Ready for mommy's arrival. :eek: I wonder what she has in store...!
So now its finish working and get ready to go home in a couple of hours. I hate my commute... Public transportation! UGH! Its not that its disgusting it just takes too long for me to get home and back to work everyday 4 1/2 hours total each day!
I'm pretty tired today... Then found out that I had to change my trip to see the kids til next weekend. I'm pretty upset because of how it was done, but its not the first time, so it does not surprise me that they would do that. But then again, I tell myself she's my mother.. Mother's don't do that... But she never ceases to disappoint me or the babies one way or another. The hardest part has been telling them mommy can't make it this week. Luckily I found a Bus that goes directly there and back for $50 bucks round trip. Its not that bad, its cheaper than the greyhound, and leaves friday afternoon and gets me home sunday night... So workwise it works out. I'd just have to either take that friday off or leave early that day.
I've been pretty stressed lately, nothing new just the usual stuff i always stress about. I guess i feel it affects me more now since everything has fallen on my shoulders. I'll get through it... Somehow.
Pauly seems to be getting better. He has his moments where the wheezing comes back. I've been gving hi m his treatments and monitoring him as best I can to make sure he doesn't get worse... But then again this cold weather does not help at all....
So needless to say I am off this weekend. I'm pretty happy about it. Devin works @ the farm this weekend, so i will be spending time with Pauly. Well... I'm off.... I will update later....
It's amazing how a person can change their way of being.... Over money. I still ask myself what the hell did I see in him? I love my children, but I cannot understand how a person can be so coniving and evil. Anyway, child support payments started 1/1/09... So far that makes 2 payments. I've been paying them as ordered since they come out of my paycheck before i get it. He does this for 2 reasons. (1 he's an assh**e, and 2 he's trying to make things harder on me so that I won't comply to the orders the judge has put in place)
The judge ordered visitation for 6 months supervised... He was also told by the judge himself thats its not only my responsibility to get up there to see them it is just as much his if i can't make it or to make things easier that i don't foot all the bill considering the fact that i pay $600 monthly in child support plus am the only person working @ home and have my own bills to pay. Its gotten to the point where the baby has been pulled out of daycare since I cannot cover the cost of it anymore due to everything thats been going on. So today he threatens me with a text message "I can make you pay up to $900 if I want and to be honest with you it sounds good." So basically even though he knows its hard on me and doesn't need the money since he works 2 jobs and his mom that lives with him to help him out works a full time job I understand I need to pay child support, its not a problem... the problem is threatening to make me pay more because he feels like it and wants to make sure i fail... I just don't understand or see why.
So now I'm mentally preparing myself to go up there this weekend by myself, yes you heard me, by myself... I hate it tho because there is a history of abuse with him. And im kinda freaked out to be there by myself but the fact is that I have to see my kids If i don't go then he will waste no time going to the courthouse to tell the judge I missed 1 visit... He's that bad...
But anyway, I'm tired, very tired. Hopefully things will work out somehow soon... If the Lord has helped me thus far, Im pretty sure he'll keep me goining.
ok... so i went to Gainesville this past weekend... The kids and I had a blast! We saw Hotel for Dogs and went to the Mall and played non-stop for 2 days... I can't wait to see them again in about 2 to 3 weeks! Damien layed off a bit, and after what I was informed of that occured last week im starting to seriously think about fighting for custody. I just can't have my kids live in that kind of enviornment... Where someone's moods are so unpredictable, and the person can be so abusive that You never know whats gonna happen that day. The last thing i need is a phone call from DSS telling me that something happened to my kids because thier dad had an episode... They said they would call me but its been almost a week since the incident between him and his mother occured and I have yet to get the call. So I will be calling them today...
And I have been informed that i need to start looking for a new Job... The Doctor's who I work for are leaving at the end of the month. And from what I understand have no plans in taking me with them... It sucks but its part of life. Hopefully the company that I work for (AMS) will find me a new position elsewhere. If not i have already started looking so i can cover my tracks, and not lose any money.
We're getting a car finally which is nice... No more walking everywhere! YAY! Its not bad a good working car for $300. I get it Saturday which i cannot wait for because once Devin buys a car, I'll take that one.. Which is cool considering I've never had a car...
I should be worried about it all but I look at my kids and I know that somehow I will figure it out and I will make it... Their smiles, and laughter make it all worth it! I do it for them.... No one else....
Here's some pics from this past weekend:
Me and My Older babies....
Tori and I
And lastly, Mr. Pauleon.....
Well I'm off... I need to finish some work and get some lunch...
So i stayed home today... I got a horrid cold... :puke2: Well I've been feeling like that for days... I know im not pregnant since I just had my period... Honestly having a kid now would not be a good idea considering the 4 we have are a ton of work with all of them and the way the economy is.... At least im protecting myself for 5 years... Then I'll get my tubes tied. Plus i don't think I want anymore.. Im happy with things the way they are. So Devin's now sick... I'm pumping Vitamin C into Pauly to help him not get it. I've opened my windows in an effort to air out the germs out of my house.
Well my taxes came in.. THANK GOD! :yahoo: I should get my car in a couple of days! And then on the 20th... MY LICENSE! Then once Devin gets a job and a vehicle... the mercedes is mine! Its a 93.. but its ok.. Well let me go.. I need to do the luandry and do some more cleaning..... PLUS! I have to get ready for work tomorrow...
Honestly... I feel at a standstill... I haven't felt like this in a very long time. What I don't understand is how much more worse it feels. I keep telling myself to look up and keep going.. Its all I can do. The worls might feel like its falling down on top of me but I can't do any more than what I'm doing.... I have no energy, no desire to do anything... I just feel depressed... Yeah i guess that the best way to put it. But can someone get postpartum depression 2 years later? Or could it just be regular depression? Either way i know I'm depressed, no matter how i try to sugar coat it i guess that's it.
Well I go up this weekend to see the kids. Nico has a marathon on Saturday thats an all day thing and then he has T-Ball practice later that day... He doesn't seem to be all that into T-Ball but his father insists he plays it. :rolleyes: i hope he doesn't push him too far to the point where he hates sports. He's a bright kid, but still.... I want him to have something to occupy his time besides Nintendo's and Game Systems. I'm taking Sara with me this weekend and Pauleon so it should be interesting. Pauly has been throwing these incredible tamtrums in the last couple of days. I'm starting to think he's becoming territorial with us when it comes to Sara. If thats the case this weekend will be interesting. But all in all I'm looking forward to spending the weekend with all the babies.
So I got the job at the corporate office. I start March 2nd. Its closer to home which is good. Whats left is getting a car. The car we were gonna get has more problems than what we originally thought, so we opted not to put any more money into the car, and decided it was best to shop around for a vehicle. It's gonna turn out being more expensive, but at this point I have no other choice.
Well I guess I'll go I dunno what else to write about.. My minds gone blank... Bye!
For starters... I am super tired... I'm surprised I am able to sit here at work and type, with how tired I am. I'm working on my 3rd cup of coffee. :eek: I went to Gainesville this weekend with Devin. I needed to introduce him and Sara to the kids. The visit went pretty well. Sara and Tori hit it off immediately. Nico and Pauly we're chasing each other with toys. And I got my first taste of what it would be like to have all 4 at one time. At first it seemed easy, but when we went to Target, I felt my head spinning. If it wasn't Pauly grabbing a ball and throwing it, and Nico chasing it down for him along the isles, It was Tori and Sara wandering off looking @ stuff... It was pretty fun though at the same time. I worked out my Gameplan and it worked perfectly. Nico was pushing the cart, Pauly was inside it, and Tori and Sara we're looking for the things I asked them to get. They also each got a new pair of shoes, which they needed. $90 And that was shopping @ PayLess for their BOGO sale... So i got my first taste of taking care of 4... Interesting... A little freaked out because of how much it cost but interesting. All in all we had a blast! Well I'm off.. I'll post a new entry maybe later today... I'm @ work.. and honestly need to get back to calling patients!