new journal by brooke

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new journal by brooke

i have my private journal but i cant let everyone in there cause its where i keep shit thats no ones business especially if i dont like them but i realize people miss my words of wisdom .. so i start a new one pop in once a week to post some little tid bit every one is happy no one gets hurt

I ate too many jalepanos
I've got burning asshole syndrome
I am sitting on the pot
A thousand farts that will not stop
I ate a little too much cheese
My pants are down below my knees
Sitting on a porcelain

Sitting in a lonely stall
I read this on the bathroom wall
"Here i sit all broken hearted
Tried to shit and only farted
Those who write on bathroom walls
Roll their shit in little balls
Those who read these words of wit
Eat those little balls of shit!"

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

impressive number of page views i hope ya feel better lol

so i have some jokes to tell

lets start with a pregnancy joke

For weeks, a 6-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.

One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child.

The 6-year old was obviously impressed, but he made no comment.

Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.

The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever became of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?"

Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

143 page views .. wow

im special .. though i wonder who is reading other then kathy lol lol

nikki can talk, im excited because when alex was a baby he couldnt talk

six and four are her newest words. Biggrin i just wanted to share

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

we stay up late last night .. til after umm 230 and the kids got up at 930 i am soooooooo tired. im trying to let mal sleep because today is the only day he gets off work but i dont think nikki agrees

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

This old man in his eighties got up and was putting on his coat.

His wife said, "Where are you going ?"

He said, "I'm going to the doctor."

And she said, "Why? Are you sick?"

"No," he said. "I'm going to get me some of those new Viagra pills."

So his wife got up out of her rocker and was putting on her sweater and he said, "Where are you going?"

She said, "I'm going to the doctor too."

He said, "Why?"

She said, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing again, I'm going to get a tetanus shot."

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

There where three nuns who never did anything wrong. One day the high priest came to them and told them that in order to become better nuns they had to do something bad and then drink from the holy water. So the three nuns went out that same day and did something wrong. The first nun came and the high priest asked her what she did wrong. " I took a lollipop from a little kid." So he let her drink from the holy water. Then the second one came back and the high priest asked her what she did wrong, she said " I took a balloon from a little kid." So he let her drink from the holy water. Then came the third. "What did you do wrong?" asked the high priest. " Well", she said," I peed in the holy water."

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Most people believe that if you go in and try to micromanage a forest, it is possible to destroy the very thing that makes it a unique and special place. That's just as true of the Net.

I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.

If a sufficient number of people who wanted to stop war really did gather together, they would first of all begin by making war upon those who disagreed with them. And it is still more certain that they would make war on people who also want to stop wars but in another way.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I prefer to be true to myself, even at the hazard of incurring the ridicule of others, rather than to be false, and to incur my own abhorrence.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

liar liar pants on fire

oh hey speaking of people that are liars

me and alex and mal were messing around the other day and alex says to mal hey your pants are on fire! it was funny

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

ya big baby

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

:shock:

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

is everyone vacationing or something?

ah well

i just want to take a minute to note to my cohost, to read her pms, cause i notice you make a lot of comments on things you have been informed of and you say "i dont know" i know sometimes ya just dont realize you have pms in the inbox .. it happens to everyone

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

is everyone vacationing or something?

ah well

i just want to take a minute to note to my cohost, to read her pms, cause i notice you make a lot of comments on things you have been informed of and you say "i dont know" i know sometimes ya just dont realize you have pms in the inbox .. it happens to everyone

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

with all the bull shit going on in the boards i thought i would take a minute to point something out

The names of all the continents end with the letter they start with.

What do you think of that? Do you think there is a reason? Sure it is a pointless thought, but twice a day i make sure to think a pointless thought, a thought that isnt about any of you or myself, a thought that can give me a little insight into something deeper then who is right or wrong. I think everyone should do this. It relieves stress and it brings you back to the reality that the small things are really what matter.

Not only are you what you think you are, more so; what you think, you are.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

A Toledo man is in jail, accused of beating a 2 year old girl to death. The toddler's mother is also in custody, facing a child endangering charge.

Police believe 22 year old Terrance Whiting used his fists to repeatedly punch 2 year old Katrina Johnson in her stomach and side, just because she soiled her pants.

Police say little Katrina suffered damage to her liver and had internal bleeding. Whiting is the boyfriend of Catrina Brown, who is the mother of the toddler. Brown is charged with child endangering because police believe she knew about the abuse, but did nothing about it.

Detectives say the original story from the couple was they put Katrina to bed at midnight and discovered her not breathing at 10:00 Wednesday morning. But police believe Whiting actually beat the child just a few hours before she was found.

Mayor Jack Ford is calling a news conference Friday because of this case. He wants to talk about serious cases of child abuse and how the community needs to be more vigilent.

Terrance Whiting and Catrina Brown will be arraigned Friday in Toledo Municipal Court.

isnt that sad .. poor poor baby .. im glad my children are safe i couldnt fathom knowing they were being hurt and letting it happen like that with damage that bad how could she ignore it

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

TOLEDO -- A Toledo couple will appear in court Friday morning in connection with the beating death of a toddler.

Police say 22 year-old Terrance Whiting repeatedly punched 2-year-old Katrina Johnson in the stomach and side after she soiled herself. Her body was found Wednesday morning at a home on Batavia. Whiting is charged with murder. The girl's mother and Whiting's girlfriend, 24-year-old Catrina Brown, is facing child endangerment charges.

News 11 talked with the Executive Director of Lucas County Children Services Dean Sparks who knows Catrina Brown all too well because of a couple separate domestic violence problems she's had. Sparks said he's dealt with Brown two other times when she had a partner and domestic violence was part of her case. "About 70% of the time when there's a child present and a situation when there is domestic violence, not only is the woman battered but so are the children," Sparks told us.

Sparks said neither he nor Children Services knew about Whiting living with Brown. Neighbors said they knew and it wasn't a pretty scene. "I'm not surprised," said neighbor Kelly Wyatt. "These walls are pretty thin and, we've heard quite a few fights from over there," she told us. It's that kind of awareness Sparks said people need to react on and get involved no matter how tough so lives aren't lost. "All of those of us who care about the mothers and children need to do what we can to intervene to get the mother safe and help keep her child safe," Sparks said.

Sparks went on to tell us a lot of times when women keep getting themselves in abusive relationships, they don't have the confidence to think they can live on their own. They feel they need someone there. It just turns out to be the wrong kind of person.

Sparks said if you and anyone you know are in an abusive situation, there are a number of agencies who can help. Call Family Services, the YWCA, call police, just make that call. Toledo Mayor Jack Ford will hold a press conference Friday to talk about this type of community response to child abuse.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

LAMBERTVILLE, MI -- They're cleaning up a mess in Lambertville, Michigan, after a bizarre accident.

Police say around 3:00 a.m. Sunday morning, the driver of a truck apparently missed a stop sign and ended up on private property, zooming within a few feet of nearby houses. "I thought it was thunder, loud thunder, like when it hits your house right next to your house. That's what I thought it was because I didn't see nothing," said neighbor Pat Trychel.

The driver knocked down several telephone poles, losing pieces of the vehicle along the way. It also struck a line of trees, chewing the bark right off. The truck then rammed right through a trailer, smashing it nearly beyond recognition and sending debris flying all over the yard. It finally came to a stop at the edge of a wooded area.

Police say the suspect then ran from the scene through the snow, leaving behind footprints and a small trail of blood. They are currently trying to track the driver down using the license plate number and other evidence left at the scene.

Police say they could issue a warrant for an arrest at any time. If you have any information on the driver of that white truck, you're being urged to call the Monroe County Sheriff's office.

i mean damn what a moron

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

my head hurts

my head hurts

my head hurts

does your head hurt?

enough about you lets talk about me

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

just need to bump myself up

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

wednesday 330 pm 4.5 hours until food cut off .. must not kill stupid people

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

i madeit through my crappy day

i just want to thank all my wonderful friends and so on that cared enough to check on me

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Shes old enough
She knows enough
Shes thrown up
So throw her
Out to me
And I'll treat her like she was mine
Let my belief
You got your way and I'll get mine

And I can't eat
I can't sleep
I want to thank you for coming
And why do we always laugh
While we're in this discussion

Should have known enough
Never grown enough
Alone enough
To know my

Where would be
The path I wanted to try
If it fairs to be
Good for me than I'd rather die

And I can't eat
I can't sleep
I want to thank you for coming
And why do we always laugh
While we're in this discussion

Black words always lead to something
Bury her cause her time was cut thin
All the while you just stood and stared
Never cared to help we just got carried away

Lately it seems like my dreams have started to die
It occured to me on the inside I guess so have I

And I can't eat
I can't sleep
I want to thank you for coming
And why do we always laugh
While we're in the last ones coming

Standing here with my two feet
Enjoy it now cause it won't be
Some way
Some how
The things that keep me alive
Aren't livin here anymore

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Two men
They started walking
Started talking bout better days
One says to the other
We do it all again
Seems I knew I would
And now I found it
Found I got it
I didn't want this
Somebody help me see
Now I feel it
Feel like I've been there
I didn't need this
Somebody help me breathe

Here we are again
Just face to facing
Each other another day
Who wins
Well who cares
It always ends up the same
Seems I knew I would

And now I found it
Found I got it
I didn't want this
Somebody help me see
And now I feel it
Feel that I've been there
I didn't need this
Would Somebody help me stand
And now I've told them
Already warned them
I didn't want this
Somebody help me breathe

If I was them
Then I wanna be
What I see
If I could drag my life in a moment
Wanna know do you want me to go
Gonna keep it all from ending
Never stop myself from pretending
That you always knew that I never could

All I ever really wanted was to be the same
Equal treatment never ever comes
And there they go again
All I ever really wanted was to be like you
So perfect
So worthless
If i could take it all back think again
I would

And now I found it
Found I got it
I didn't want this
Somebody help me see
Now I feel it
Feel that I've been there
I didn't need this
Somebody help me stand
And now I've told them
I didn't want this
I didn't need this
Would somebody help me breathe
Would somebody help me breathe
Would somebody help me?

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Hey dad look at me.
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time...
Doing things I wanna do
But it hurts when you disapprove all along.

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that I'm alright
And you can't change me

Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright

Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect

Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard just to talk to you
But you don't understand

Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect

Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Once again we sit in silence
After all is said and done
Only emptiness inside us
Baby, look what we've become
We can make a million promises
But we still won't change
It isn't right to stay together
When you only bring each other pain

I don't wanna cry
Don't wanna cry
Nothing in the world
Could take us back
To where we used to be
Though I've given you my heart and soul
I must find a way of letting go
Cause baby, I don't wanna cry

Too far apart to bridge the distance
But something keeps us hanging on and on
Pretending not to know the difference
Denying what we had is gone
Every moment we're together
It's just breaking me down
I know we swore it was forever
But it hurts too much to stay around

I don't wanna cry
Don't wanna cry
Nothing in the world
Could take us back
To where we used to be
Though I've given you my heart and soul
I must find a way of letting go
Cause baby, I don't wanna cry

All the magic's gone
There's just a shadow of a memory
Something just went wrong
We can't go on make-believing

I don't wanna cry
Don't wanna cry
Nothing in the world
Could take us back
To where we used to be
Though I've given you my heart and soul
I must find a way of letting go
Cause baby, I don't wanna cry

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I can feel the magic floating in the air
Being with you gets me that way
I watch the sunlight dance across your face and I've
Never been this swept away

All my thoughts just seem to settle on the breeze
When I'm lying wrapped up in your arms
The whole world just fades away
The only thing I hear
Is the beating of your heart

‘Cause I can feel you breathe
It's washing over me
Suddenly I'm melting into you
There's nothing left to prove
Baby all we need is just to be
Caught up in the touch
The slow and steady rush
Baby, isn't that the way that love's supposed to be
I can feel you breathe
Just breathe

In a way I know my heart is waking up
As all the walls come tumbling down
I’m closer than I've ever felt before
And I know
And you know
There's no need for words right now

‘Cause I can feel you breathe
It's washing over me
Suddenly I'm melting into you
There's nothing left to prove
Baby all we need is just to be
Caught up in the touch
The slow and steady rush
Baby, isn't that the way that love's supposed to be
I can feel you breathe
Just breathe

Caught up in the touch
The slow and steady rush
Baby, isn't that the way that love's supposed to be
I can feel you breathe
Just breathe

I can feel the magic floating in the air
Being with you gets me that way

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

there are things in my life that i wish i could share, but because of the things i have to hide i cant. i guess really i dont *have* to hide, i just dont feel safe talking about them, i know what type of people come to these boards, read these boards, save this shit, because they can read it, then it belongs to them they can do as they please with it, its annoying, because so much i could say i dont have the safety to speak of.

I've been sittin' here
Tryin' to find myself
I get behind myself
I need to rewind myself
Lookin' for the payback
Listen for the playback
They say that every man bleeds just like me
And now I feel like number one
Yet I'm last in line
I watch my younger son
And it helps to pass the time
I take too many pills to help to ease the pain
I made a couple of dollar bills still I feel the
same
Everybody knows my name
They say it way out loud
A lot of folks fuck with me
It's hard to hang out in crowds
I guess that's the price you pay
To be some big shot like I am
Out strecthed hands and one night stands
Still I can't find love

And when your walls come tumbling down
I will always be around
And when your walls come tumbling down
I will always be around

People don't know about the things I say and do
They don't understand about the shit that I've been
through
It's been so long since I've been home
I've been gone, I've been gone for way too long
Maybe I forgot all things I miss
Oh somehow I know there's more to life than this
I said it too many times
And I still stand firm
You get what you put in
And people get what they deserve
Still I ain't seen mine
No I ain't seen mine
I've been giving just ain't been gettin'
I've been walking down that there line
So I think I'll keep on walking
With my head held high
I'll keep moving on and only God knows why

Only God.....Only God
Only God knows why
Only God....knows....why, why, why only God knows
why
Take me to the river's edge
Take me to the river, hey hey hey

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

holey shit .. what the hell is up with this site, shit just doesnt want to post and when it finally does it posts 50 times :roll: im going to start having a shitty day now

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

so i decided, i am going to do this voice record thing everyones doing, its going to be very special Lol

its pouring down rain. i just looked across the street. the neighbor is washing the OUTSIDE of her windows while its raining like this Lol what is the point?

i kind of have a minor announcement .. no one has been told yet so we have, at 33 weeks 6 days chosen a name for the unborn

his or her name shall be mallory

that is all .. thank you

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

i dont feel very well, i did a lot of shit today, i cleaned the whole house, really cleaned not just the normal pick up. i cant believe i wasted all my energy on that

i want to soak in the tub but the towels are in the dryer.. i want to take a nap too .. but i know nikki will not agree with that

maybe ill take a bath anyway my back and belly hurt pretty bad.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Lol :lol: Lol :lol: Lol :lol: Lol

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

in the next month ill have another child .. doesnt that sound fun

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

i have horrible back pain

got mal working on my web page. he had a really cool idea and he wants to do a different table, it seems a little complex but he drew it out and it looks awsome. i just need to make a header .. have to play in my adobe photoshop

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

im going to blow huge chunks any minute now. got to get ready for my ob visit, i dont know why i get dressed for them, as soon as i get back in the room i just have to get naked anyway

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

i feel like shit, got no sleep last night, had some contractions laid down on mals legs, at least his knees will hurt when he gets up today. im so fuckin tired.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

and the next day i had a baby and 2 days later my nipples were so sore i couldnt stand to have boobs then 2 days later they were bleeding then they scabbed then the scabs fell off and now they tingle, and oh my god when shes eating my boobs itch

i did a lot of pumping .. so i have a ton of milk .. i need to freeze it

i think im doing ok though, she hasnt had even a drop of formula. i have 2 cans of powder formula .. you know the sample ones but i have a shit load of milk so i might as well toss the formula ... i dont know why they gave me formula anyway .. guessits just one of them mysteries

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852
Truth fears no questions.

I recommend getting your heart trampled on to anyone
I recommend walking around naked in your living room
Swallow it down what a jagged little pill
It feels so good swimming in your stomach
Wait until the dust settles

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

I recommend biting off more than you can chew to anyone
I certainly do
I recommend sticking your foot in your mouth at any time
Feel free
Throw it down the caution blocks you from the wind
Hold it up to the rays
You wait and see when the smoke clears

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

Wear it out the way a three-year-old would do
Melt it down you're gonna have to eventually anyway
The fire trucks are coming up around the bend

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

You grieve you learn
You choke you learn
You laugh you learn
You choose you learn
You pray you learn
You ask you learn
You live you learn

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Took your car
Drove to Texas
Sorry, honey
But I suspected we were through
And I can't cry anymore
Since I left
Been feelin' better, cause that's
What you get when you
Stay together too long
And I can't cry anymore

Wouldn't it be good if
we could hop a flight to anywhere
So long to this life
So much for pretending
Bad luck's never-ending
And now I know that

Money comes in
But the fact is
There's not enough to
Pay my taxes
And I can't cry anymore
Well, got a brother
He's got real problems
Heroin - no
There's just no stopping him tonight
And I won't cry anymore

Wouldn't it be good if
we could hop a flight to anywhere
So long to this life
So much for pretending
Bad luck's never-ending
And now I know that

It's never ending

It could be worse
I could've missed my calling
Sometimes it hurts
But when you read the writing on the wall
Can't cry anymore

Wouldn't it be nice if
we could hop a flight to anywhere
So long to this life
So much for pretending
Bad luck's never-ending

And too much time I've been spending
With my heart in my hands
Waiting for time to come and mend it

I can't cry anymore
I can't cry anymore
I can't cry anymore
I can't cry anymore
I can't cry anymore

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852
Man is born free and everywhere he is in chains.

When I'm dreaming I'm guided to another world
Time and time again
At sunrise I fight to stay asleep
Cause I don't want to leave the comfort of this place
Cause there's a hunger, a longing to escape
From the life I live when I'm awake

So lets go there
Let's make our escape
Come on let's go there
Let's ask can we stay

Can you take me higher
To a place where blind men see
Can you take me higher
To a place with golden streets

Although I would like our world to change
It helps me to appreciate
Those nights and those dreams
But my friend I'd sacrifice all those nights
If I could make the earth and my dreams the same
The only difference is
To let love replace all our hate

So lets go there
Lets make our escape
Come on
Lets go there lets ask can we stay

Can you take me higher
To a place where blind men see
Can you take me higher
To a place with golden streets

Lets go there
Lets go there
Come on lets go there
Lets ask can we stay

Up high I feel like I'm alive for the very first time
Said up high I'm strong enough to take these dreams
And make them mine

Up high I feel like I'm alive for the very first time
Said up high I'm strong enough to take these dreams
And make them mine

Can you take me higher
To a place where blind men see
Can you take me higher
To a place with golden streets

Can you take me higher
To a place where blind men see
Can you take me higher
To a place with golden streets

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852
You only live once; but if you live it right, once is enough

Hello my friend we meet again
It's been a while where should we begin ... feels like forever
Within my heart are memories of perfect love that you gave to me
Oh, I remember

When you are with me
I'm free...I'm careless...I believe
Above all the others we'll fly
This brings tears to my eyes
My Sacrifice

We've seen our share of up's and down's
Oh, how quickly life can turn around ... in an instant
It feels so good to reunite within yourself and within your mind
Let's find peace there

When you are with me
I'm free...I'm careless...I believe
Above all the others we'll fly
This brings tears to my eyes
My Sacrifice

I just want to say hello again
I just want to say hello again

When you are with me
I'm free...I'm careless...I believe
Above all the others we'll fly
This brings tears to my eyes

Cause when you are with me
I'm free...I'm careless...I believe
Above all the others we'll fly
This brings tears to my eyes
My Sacrifice
My Sacrifice

I just want to say hello again
I just want to say hello again
My Sacrifice

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852
It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees

So now like my nipples are all healed up, scabs are gone, bleeding is over, and i get this mastitis. its really not so bad .. or maybe i tollerate pain really well ... of course i didnt think the scabbed and bleeding nipples were anything to get worked up over.

Be not forgetful to entertain strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.

Hebrews 13:2

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852
Of those who say nothing, few are silent.

i was watching nikki eating a fruit and yogurt parfait from mcdonalds. she got a glob of yogurt on the side of her face, so she tried to lick it off .. it was sweet, innocent, and damn it if her little tongue just couldnt reach that yogurt bwahahahahahaha

alex got pissed off cause nikki wouldnt share her yogurt ,, he didnt share his either, and then he ate half of mine. he really likes yogurt .. and he loves fruit ... did you know that them yogurts come with granola? i didnt .. but i do now. they are pretty good, the yogurt is vanilla not plain like i thought.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

i dont really have a lot of time here, but i thought id just leve a note, i dont think any of this is really secret, personal but wide open. the time has come that i need to have the talk with mal, find out if he does really want a divorce still, i know the answer but i have to make sure.

well pretty much monday i will have to call the csea and have the baby added to the case, and then the kids and i will be leaving here.

i hate all of this, i cant even look at the kids ive been them .. its not right

i am so sick of hearing find someone else move on, i cant find someone else, its not me, a judge can undo a piece of paper but he cant undo the promise i made to myself, my children, or for that matter god.

i just need to get this over, i need to stop crying i need to be normal again and thats not going to happen being here

well anyway .. i dont owe anyone any explanations i just wanted to let some people know whats going on .. and hey i guess ill be gone for a little bit

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

well fuck me .. i post something thats thicker then toilet water and look at the page views jump .. did it give you something to talk about? do ya need more id love to give you something new to chew on .. dont the taste of your foot get old

anyway i only have a half ounce of pumped milk left .. some times i pump between feedings so when night starts coming and she goes on her eating bing my nips can rest. usually every other day i do it .. i have a fear of sore nipples now .. im sure it wont last long

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

i started typing a post but i had to clear it because there are many nosey people

the important thing is .. im still me and im ok

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Tone deaf, tone deaf

Ahh-ahh, ahh-ahh,
Da da da da da da

You say you're gun shy
I say you're spineless
You think you're pensive
I think you're mindless
Such a busy little drone
That your heart beats in monotones
So loud you can't hear me
Repetition's what you need

Get out of my air, get off my cloud
Get out of my hair, get off of my couch
Get off of my lips, get out of my light
Let me give you a tip, get out of my sight
Get off of your knees, get out of my face
Get out of my sleep, get out of my space
How long do I have to show and tell, scream and yell
Get over yourself

Ahh-ahh, da da da da da da da da

You say you're complicated
I say too dramatic
You think I underrate you
I think I've finally had it
With you never having time
'Cause half the time you spend
Designing brilliant tragedies
And it's becoming your disease, oh

Get out of my air, get off my cloud
Get out of my hair, get off of my couch
Get off of my lips, get out of my light
Let me give you a tip, get out of my sight
Get off of your knees, get out of my face
Get out of my sleep, get out of my space
How long do I have to show and tell, scream and yell
Get over yourself

Won't let you unnerve me
(You try to sting me like a pearl)
Won't let you deserve me
(And toss me from your tilt-o-whirl)
And even if I kiss the dirt you're gonna see
How I don't hurt
And I don't hurt
I don't hurt

Get out of my air, get off my cloud
Get out of my hair, get off of my couch
Get off of my lips, get out of my light
Um, let me give you a tip, get out of my sight
Get off of your knees, get out of my face
Get out of my sleep, get out of my space
How long do I have to show and tell, scream and yell
Get over yourself

Get out of my air, get off my cloud
Get out of my hair, get off of my couch
Get off of my lips, get out of my light
Get over yourself, get out of my sight
Get off of your knees, get out of my face
Get out of my sleep, get out of my space
How long do I have to show and tell, scream and yell
Get over yourself

Get over yourself
Get over yourself

La la la la la la la la la la...

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

ok so the da my divorce is final i want to have a party .. i get to start a new life .. for a while i thought this was the end of my life .. like for some reason i needed to be frozen in time.

i dont have to do that! i can go on, and you know why, because it is what im meant to do.

see the last time mal left, i sat around miserable, cryiong all the time, for 10 months .. its all i did .. i couldnt function. i prayed every night for him just to come back .. and eventually god answered my prayers .. hes a cruel god

this time i just want peace in my life ... no more fear no more pain .. i want to be a better mom. now i dont think im a bad mom, but i havent measured up to my potential. i left my kids live in a home where they saw horrible things and they were treated badly, i wish i would have been strong enough to leave him. but i guess it worked out, in a few years ill be able to say hey look at me look how far ive come look at my happy children, my truely happy children

i hope nothing that alex has had done to him and nothing he has seen will stick with him.

and i really hope that one lonely morning mal wakes up to an empty house and realizes that the only thing that ever really mattered had the life stangled out of it by him.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

what a night .. more so what a day.

the hardest thing i have ever done in my life is explain to my child that hes going to have 2 different homes. it makes him sad, he just cant get why dad cant just live at home. i cant use the words dickless wonder or fuckwad when explaining to a 5 year old

im just confused by everything going on .. sometimes im ok with it, sometimes i feel guilty for being ok with it, then there are the times i get pissed off, and the times i just cry.

i swear its worse then pms .. its worse then pregnancy, at least then iknow what im supposed to feel .. i just cant wait to get this shit over with

maybe it just hasnt hit me fully yet .. this is really over .. i really am going to be a single parent ... i can say it but maybe emptionally its not here yet

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

well looks as if we will be moving soon .. its not really that bad. i found a few apartments .. i hate apartments lol . weve been in a house so long i dont know how its going to be going backwards.

i cant really do this right now nikks up and floating around

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