I generally refrain from posting *****y things about my in-laws, but I think it would be good to get out.
My husband is mexican. He is the first in his whole family (extended included) to marry a white person. We had Arianna out of wed-lock - which is bad enough in his mothers eyes - add that I'm white on top of it and you have the makings of a disaster. I'm also agnostic and to a Cathloic mom that's baaaaddd.
The very first time I met them, Abel and I weren't together yet. His parents live on the Mexican border, so we went to his hometown to have some fun. He had to stop by his parents for something, so I went in with him. They immediately asked if I was his friends girlfriend, obviously appalled at the thought of him bringing home me as HIS girlfriend.
A few months later, we got together and a few months after that, I moved in to his house. She was a constant source of tension between us for the next year. We didn't spend holidays together because of it. I tried, hard to get her to like me. Nothing doing. In the middle of a heated arguement, he admitted that she didn't like me and wanted him to kick me out. Shortly after that, I moved out. Two months after moving out, we found out I was pregnant.
They started to warm up to me a bit, they even threw me a baby shower. They already had 7 granddaughters. When we found out Arianna was a girl, they nicknamed her "ocho". Not funny to me. She was MY first. They were disappointed she wasn't a boy.
They did come visit in the hospital after I had her, but never bought her a thing. I just think that's crapy.
Since then they've done so much to hurt me. I went through different emotions with them. The first was trying to get them to accept me, the next was anger and I'm finally at indifference.
They don't acknowledge my birthday. Last year, they had a BBQ for August and September birthdays - my birthday is September 16th but wasn't included in the celebration. They don't give me Christmas gifts, didn't get us a wedding gift, didn't come to my bridal shower, our wedding reception, didn't come to meet our newest daugther.
When we first decided we would get married in Vegas, she threw a fit and decided not to go. I think she was hoping that we would change the plans, we didn't. She did end up going, but didn't spend any time with us.
A few months ago, she told him that she wished he had married a "good Cathloic girl". Sorry honey, you're stuck with this little heathen.
They actually tell Abel that Arianna is their favorite grandchild. Which amazes me because she's JUST like me. In looks and personality. And, how can you have a favorite????
It used to be a big issue with us, but now I just grin and bear them. I mean, it's his mother - I can't and won't come between that. I know at the end of the day, he would chose me over her, and that's good enough for me. I'd never really make him chose, because I'd never want to hurt him. I sleep a lot when we go visit.
We started today at roughly 3:45. Within 30 minutes, we got to "3" 4 times. The book says some kids take right to it, and some will get worse, testing their boundaries before they get better. Apparently I have the latter. Figures.
I'm really not into books that tell you how to be a parent - they just aren't for me. I figured I'd read this one, take what I wanted from it and leave the rest. In all honestly, he has some really interesting things to say, and a lot of what he says makes sense.
Soooo, I'm all about bearing my soul to everyone - thought I'd throw this out there too! In high school, I didn't really know what to believe as far as religion went. I believed in god - but not necessarily organized religion. Through the years I "tried on" different religions but nothing felt right. I was a happy agnostic - in terms of I believed in god, but not church.
With the loss of Keiran, it really made me question god. How can you not in that type of situation? I held fast to my belief though.
Recently, there have been some events in my life that have once again made me question his existance.
One day, in my heart, I accepted the fact that I no longer believed. I just couldn't. I couldn't wrap my mind around it. I thought I would feel peaceful, happy - instead I felt guilt, betrayal and anger. I was told to give it time, that it would get better. It has. It's weird in a way, I guess because the vast majority believe in god, in some way. All my friends do. Luckily, I have some great friends and when I "came out of the closet" they still loved me. They talked openly with me about their beliefs (not shoving god down my throat) and told me that they loved me no matter what. I think that made this transition easier.
It's always hard to go against the "norm" - and god is the norm. And, it's hard to give up something you've believed in for most of your life.
But, I'm a peace with my decision. I'm happy that I don't feel the "pressure" I felt before.
I'm happy that I'm a good person because it feels good, not because it's what god wants me to do.
I have deep respect for other peoples faith. I only hope they have respect for my choice, being true to my heart.
So, I'm an athiest! (there, I'm REALLY out of the closet now!)
I didn't breastfeed Arianna - now I'm all about nursing and find myself judging other moms who don't try. That's SO wrong. It's mean and judgemental. I wish I would stop already. I don't have the right to have an opinion.
I've always been anti-CIO. I've honestly never judged those that took that path, because I never had a baby that needed it. Now, I'm seriously contemplating it. The very thought makes my tummy hurt. I don't want her to cry. I want her to know that I'm there for her.
In case someone out there cares what I have to go through to get my 5 month old to sleep.
It begins when I pick up her tired cues.
I pick her up, and commence a rocking, sushing, patting routine. She'll fight me - this includes screaming, scratching, hair pulling and arching her back - for 5-15 minutes. Once the fighting stops, we continue the rsp routine, for anywhere from 10-30 minutes. I then stop the sushing, but continue the patting and rocking. If she starts to fuss, move or cry the sushing starts again for another 5 minutes or so. Then I stop the patting - continuing the rocking. Again, if she cries or fusses, I start all over again with the rsp. If no fussing for a few minutes, I'll stop the rocking, and wait another 5 minutes.
Here's the hard part - actually putting her down.
I gently get up and take baby steps to where I'm going to lay her down for her nap (prepared well ahead of time). If she startles or cries, I sit back down and pat some more. If she doesn't, I very, very gently attempt to lay her down. This is pretty tricky - she's a very light sleeper and doesn't like to be put down at all - it also involves untangling her hand from my hair.
When she gets down, she cries (no matter what). 50% of the time, I can pat her bottom and shush her and she'll drift off - the rest of the time, I have to pick her back up and start the WHOLE routine all over again - but it usually takes a little less time all the way around.
Once she's asleep, I'm still not safe. I ALWAYS have to shush/pat several times before I hear "the sigh" signaling that she's truly asleep.
Even then I'm lucky if I get 30 minutes out of her.
All told, I spend 1-2 hours PER NAP doing this. Sometimes I give up and try again a few minutes later. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I just have to laugh. She naps 3 times a day. On a good day that's 3 hours to get her to sleep maybe 2. Seems wrong.
And, remember I'm doing this while attempting to keep up a house and take care of a 2.5 year old. It feels like a bad comedy that you can't help but laugh at.
I've considered using the CIO method - but my heart is so against it. My head tells me it's probably what needs to happen, but I know I have to be 100% committed for it to work.
Part of me wonders if I'm totally screwing her up - if I'm setting her up to have miserable sleep habits for the rest of her life.
She's my baby though, and nothing feels more right than rocking her to sleep.