no girls allowed club

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Joined: 04/28/02
Posts: 77
no girls allowed club

I guess I am starting new here, as something didn't work while pasting over Sad No problem though, I am sure I can fill this baby up quickly! Lol.

Joined: 04/28/02
Posts: 77

25 years old now!!! Brian is turning 30 in 1 month!!! Where has the time gone???It really amazes me how quickly it went by. He was 21 when we met, at Cafe Cappucino in Bay City,MI. I was only 16. I never understood why age was such a big deal. That mantra "age is only a number" What a lark. The only people who say age is only a number are the ones who need that defense, or are sticking up for someone who does. We were wrong. Yes, it turned out beautifully, but we are the exception and know it. We were married the week all my classmates graduated highschool. I had dropped out a few months before garduation and got my ged. I wore my mom's dress, Bri wore a white tux. My Aunt was Justice of the Peace, and my Nana cooked all the food, including a traditional polynesian wedding cake.(Carrot cake style, we didn't like the taste, but it was beautiful) Now we are staring our 7 year anniversary in the face, and it is amazing!

Joined: 04/28/02
Posts: 77

Trinity Lace...my angel baby girl. How did the time pass while I slept and allow her to turn into this spunky 5 year old? It brings tears to my eyes to see her doing something and rememeber doing those same things at her age.Some of the faces she makes, or questions she asks flash me back. She really is her own person, with a piece of me living on in her! Such a girly tomboy Blum 3 All about pink and tree climbing, princesses and trains. SHe is as rough and tumble as they come, yet she wants fresh nailpolish everyday.She picks up on theories so quickly. Homeschooling her is both easy and difficult. I am actually intimadated by how much she absorbs, and love that she grasps and takes off!

Joined: 04/28/02
Posts: 77

Christian Matthew...how in the world he turned from being a screaming,fit throwing banshee into the sweet little guy he did is beyond me. He gave the terrible twos their name, made the threes look 10 times worse, and now at 4 is so mild, and lovey. He will shine those gorgeous blue eyes at me and say for no reason, "I love you mama" and I almsot gasp. Sure, he still has a few moments, usually when Trinity is antagonizing him, but overall he has done a total 180! Sometimes I wonder what it will be like when he brings home his first girlfriend...will I be okay with my very classically handsome guy dating? I really hope I am not one of those"noone is good enough for my boy" women. Yikes...too scary! Blum 3

Joined: 04/28/02
Posts: 77

Gavin Conner...about to turn 3! My fiery redhead Smile He is the one to cause me the most fear. There is a yet to be determined problem, be it his hearing or something else. He is doing so much better now that I am working on sign language with him. He doesn't get frustrated so often, the screeching is slowing down, being replaced with signs and garbled attempts to talk Smile He looks so big! Tall and thin.I adore his red hair, and if I am to be blest with another babe I would be thrilled to have another red Smile

Joined: 04/28/02
Posts: 77

Logan Xavier , 9 months and moving forward at an alarmign rate! He is standing by the couch and letting go already! Stop that Blum 3 He is such a different baby...very laid back, but boy will he yell if he wants to! He has some very curly hair showing up, moreso than any of the others! He is one of my revelations. I always said I wouldn't have a super big baby...that if they weighed that much at that young an age the parents surely were overfeeding. Then I had Logan, who was born a mere 7 pounds, and shot to 15 by his two month check. At 9 months he is 24 pounds. Almost ebf, definately not overfed Wink Said God to the overly judgemental mom...learn! and she did Smile

Joined: 04/28/02
Posts: 77

Mom...what a beautiful spirit! She passed away on Dec 20,2002, at 46 years of age. So young Sad I miss her so badly that I get a lump in my throat daily. When she was in so much pain and hallucinating at the end I prayed for her to be comfortable. I said if it took death for that that I was okay with it. I lied. I wanted her comfortable and alive. I want her to be gramma to my kids. They still talk about their special gramma on a daily basis. I am going to fill this entry out later, every time I try to write about her I cry at this point.

Joined: 04/28/02
Posts: 77
Joined: 04/28/02
Posts: 77

Mandi...wow...my little sister. I still can't get over the fact that she is a Sergeant in the Marine Corps, over in Iraq fighting a war! I miss her so much. It is so hard to know she is still freshly grieving mom's loss(even harder than I am in many ways...she didn't have peace when mom died at all) and has to push all her feelings to the side because she can't afford to not pay 100 percent attention.I worry how she will be when she gets home, has access to alcohol.
She is such a beautiful girl, yet so torn up inside over many things. She married Scott, loved him so much, and he beat her until she had to leave for her own safety. He told her how worthless she was, how he didn't know how she tricked him into marryinh her because he never loved her. He crushed her so badly. The story of her life. So many people have hurt her, and she struggles to stay on top of the pain. Most of the time she does it, but when it is unleashed it is pure devastation. Suicidal tendancies come pouring out, and she is like a small child who has no world left.
I hope she comes home safely...

Joined: 04/28/02
Posts: 77

Michael...my little brother. I hate that I don't have more of a bond with him. He was 13, I was 15 when mom and dad divorced. He went with dad, I went with mom, and we have not been close since. He just picked up Sergeant in the Marine Corps as well. His two year anniversary is this summer, though he won't be home for it Sad He is in Okinawa until January. Jaimie, his wife, is stateside, she decided not to accompony him :?: :?: :?: Why is beyond my knowing. Anyway, I am trying to keep in touch more.

Joined: 04/28/02
Posts: 77

Dad...remarried 2 and a half years ago. His wife is nice, I now have 2 stepbrothers,teenagers. They are rotten kids, noone,including their mom, wants to be around them.
Dad has never forgiven me for going with my mom after the divorce. I will always be a dissapointment to him. We do talk more lately than ever before...he misses Mandi and Mike. I am filler. He is such a sarcastic, cold man...he has so much animosity towardes ideas and people that he doesn't understand or relate to. My time around him is usually spent trying to let his comments roll in one ear and out the other, to avoid taking offense to his barely concealed comments.

Joined: 04/28/02
Posts: 77

I am so close to my weight loss goal Smile I have 10 pounds more to be there, and want to tone alot! I am loving how my clothes are fitting lately...lol, I don't want Logan to wean because there is no way my chest will ever look this good again! The yoga is cool... I feel the energy immediately Smile

Joined: 04/28/02
Posts: 77

Ok, first journal post here at the new boards Smile I really like the way this works. Very intimadating at first, but that is probably because I am a creature of habit!
I have been wanting to write in the journal for a coupledays now, but didn't. We are going camping, leaving in about an hour! I am really excited. We are even going to swim Smile A great mni vacation!!!
Mandi has emailed me a few more times, I am so grateful we get to "talk" again! It was so hard not knowing...
Anyway, I still don't have the hang of these boards but hopefulyl soon!

Joined: 04/28/02
Posts: 77

I have been trying to do an entry for two days now, and my computer keeps shutting down. I hope I am able to get this one in!
Went to Walmart this morning and got the kids Easter supplies Smile They are going to be so thrilled with the chocloate crosses(instead of bunnies). I also got some cute books and new toothbrushes for their baskets.
I picked up some soda for Mandi, I don't even want to think about shipping!
Anyway, there are serious storms going on, so I am going to clean and get some candles out in case power goes. We are also getting the house appraised next week for refinancing, and I want it to look perfect Smile

Joined: 04/28/02
Posts: 77

Mandi called last night. PLease God hear this and do not let bad happen to her. There is a man(a freedom fighter/Iraqi) who has been extremely innapropriate. He goes into her tent when she is sleeping, and touches her. He slaps her mouth if she tries to call out to let someone know he is in there. She reported it and "they" said that he is a good guy, it is just that the customs are different there, and she should suck it up until they move location Sad I am sick thinking of the situation that is being set up.
I read a statistic that 90+% of military women are sexually mistreated at some point in service. I hate to relive things that happened...I don't want her to add to her list. She has seen more pain than one should have to.
I got the house all mopped(with 3500 sf that is a chore!) and love how clean it smells! I have decided to scrap the garage sale and do ebay instead...it is a hassle to mail the stuff, but I will get more money. Smile
Toys R Us had a Thomas sale, buy 2 get 1 free, so we got some cool new cars. The Gold Miners cars, the street cleaner cars, and catherine Wink Trinity loves getting the girl cars lol. The kids were thrilled Smile I can't wait for Boco to be released though...Christian has wanted that one for years now Smile
Logan Logan...why are the stairs so easy for you?! Third step in no time, climbs the toy table in seconds, cruises the furniture like there is no tomorrow. He even let go of my fingers and stood for 10 seconds! I can't believe this boy Smile
We were going to go to the zoo on Monday, but now I am thinking we will stay home and do housework. There are so many projects to finish! The boys room: I have decided to do a half wall of panel, a chair rail, and a top scene. We have to put in the Thomas ceiling fan. I need to finish the baseboard in the dining room. We need to get the dumpster and clear out all the junk in the garage. Get the DARNED Christmas lights down! So a nice spring cleaning day Smile
I am having some health problems that are actually making me nervous. I have lost 4.5 pounds in two days...I can't eat anything without severe pain. My abdomen bloats up like crazy sometimes, I have heartburn symptoms. Marie said it sounds like my gall bladder, and I have had stones before Sad I need to make the appt with the va...I hate dealing with the va! So I need to suck it up...I know I can do it(major fear of male drs)
Anyhow, the sweet smell of clean makes me want to clean some more. I am off.

Joined: 04/28/02
Posts: 77

Logan ate an o ring today! I came down early and let Logan stay in bed with Brian for a second so I could get the dining room mopped. About 90% through I hear Brian calling, so I finish up quickly and run up with a diaper thinking that is what he needed. Nope...Logan was playing with his ears while he stayed half asleep and got the o ring of the back of the plug...Brian heard a chewing noise and as soon as he reached to fish it out Logan swallowed and grinned at him :O i wish he didn't eat it, but it is kinda funny, and serves Brian right for lounging in bed Blum 3
I went through the kids playroom tonight...we played as we cleaned and I think they are happy as clams! We also got a box from my dad today with some new colouring books. We all sat down and coloured, the kids love when I colour with them. Gavin is so funny...always has to colour whatever page I am doing. Trinity was colouring a page of Barbie riding a bike...got a concerned look on her face and asked why barbie didn't have a safety helmet on(proud mama moment...she knows that they are important). I said maybe barbie didn't remember hers, and she asked if she could draw one on her! Biggrin I was beaming...I love my kids!!!
I can't believe how close I am to my weight loss goal! 6 more pounds!!! Then it is toning I must attend to. The weight isn't an issue so much as I need to be healthy.
I just know Brian is going to come home and push to watch a movie...and I know I should watch with him...but I am not a movie person! It behooves me to sit for that long and not DO something. I guess I will make a deal that if he does 30 minutes of yoga with me I will sit through red Dragon.
I read a post on J2K by Kerry and felt like crying at the frustration I felt. I hope her day improves hugely!!!!
I have felt a little disconnected lately, so I am trying to remedy that by posting more...reaching out! I know I tend to stand back, and that is a flaw I strive to overcome.So...off to post more Smile

Joined: 04/28/02
Posts: 77

What a start of the day Smile We woke up and I scurried to get all the dishes done before the dishwasher installers get here. They still aren't here yet, but at least the dishes are done Wink Brian cut the grass out front(I love when it is a little wild...it is almost all clover and looks enchanted). The kids are having a blast creating an enviorment for the little tree frog they found. The only veto was when they put it in a VHS cover. It is cute to see them playing so well though.
I am really excited to get into Usborne books. Seems I see the referrence pop up in a few places, and I want to incorporate it with the kids schooling. They are so into learning, and being read to. There is no better insparation than their enthusiasm.
I am making chicken fried steak for lunch. The kids will devour it I am sure Smile
I think I am going to be crazy and attempt to scrapbook during the day while they are colouring. Maybe they will let me get at least 1 lo done with no mishaps(lol, who am I kidding!)
Anyway...today i feel better. I don't have the same level of stomache pain as I did for the past 4 days. Granted I haven't eaten. Blum 3 Don't feel hungry either, so eating is not a problem. When I do get hungry I know I am going to be afraid to eat because I don't want to hurt like that anymore.
Anyhow...good day vibes to everyone else! I love Spring!

Joined: 04/28/02
Posts: 77

I did it! I scarpped the kids spring portraits while they coloured, and I love the way it turned it Smile My fibres from the swap came today, and I love them!!! I used a beautiful one by Steph, it pulled the boys suits out even better. I used a pink floral background paper that matched Trinity's dress perfectly, and the simple yet elegant look is just what i wanted Smile
The dishwasher is sitting in my living room :O Apparantly the guys said we need a new shut off valve before they can install it(funny, the plumber was just here last week and used the supposed stuck valve just fine). Argg...I was so pysched to load up a dishwasher tonight Blum 3 No biggie though, just a small delay!
I am in a really good mood. I read to the kids several times today and feel so rewarded to see their joy at booktime. I talked to Kerry today(what a sweet lady!!!) and it was really great to hear her say the same thing...instilling a love for reading is priority!
Okay, I am sure I will be back later tonight, right now I am going to do something???

Joined: 04/28/02
Posts: 77

I got 8 pages scrapped last night Smile I just got in a groove and didn't want to stop. At midnight my eyes hurt and I put it away, but I know I will be doing it again tonight. It feels good to get inspired and get moving forward again. This morning , after all our normal morning stuff, we went and picked up some brochures for apartments around town. Mandi wants to move here when she gets out, and I had to get some ideas of where is nice, prices and all. After that I went to one of the lss and got some new pens, some brads, and fibres. There is so much new stuff in that I want!!! I could blow $150 no problem...I mean, really neat stuff. Heck, wire words are so expensive I could blow 50 on just those.
Brian wants to get some paintball equipment...so he is talking about letting me get a quikcutz set to make himself feel better lmao. I may take him up on that , but I don't know. I want my pages to look giood, but that is ALOT of money. I saw a stamp set at the store for 30...I may go with that. Smile He did say for sure I could do the Usborne Books though, and that is something for the kids education, not a frivoulous expense. i love that he sees that, and that he is soooo supportive of homeschooling Smile I really am so blessed by God in so many ways!

Joined: 04/28/02
Posts: 77

I filled a whole album with Trinity's pages already! Time for some extensions Lol I have a full professional photos album, a partial album for each of the boys and a full one for Trinity. I am trying to catch all the way up on Trinity and Logan this year, and stay up to date w/ the pro pics, then next year I have to catch up on Christian and Gavins Smile I think that is a good goal.
I got some good cleaning done today, a nice prep for tomorrow's big spring clean day. I put away a rubbermaid bin of boys sweaters(yes I have that many for just 3 boys lol...I love sweaters on boys!) Lots of laundry done...I was trying to have one laundry day, but that is just not going to work for me! I need to stick to a couple loads at a time.
The kids are so excited to leave their baskets on the porch tonight Smile It should make bedtime a breeze...let them get in their jammies, put the basket out, tell them a story about Easter and Jesus(and answer the questions about him dieing twenty times per kid...they are really interested in death ever since mom died. It gets hard sometimes, but they are so accepting it is a good lesson for me too). I have no doubt they will fall right asleep...I danced with them to Aqua for half an hour Lol Aqua, for those not in the know, are the band from the 90's who did the Barbie song...European techno in a mainstream sorta way Blum 3 Really easy to listen to, funny and lyrical, lilting. I am going to play it again after they go to sleep Smile
Monday I am going to Walmart and getting all kinds of goodies on sale Smile Like Boys suits and Girls dresses! Gloves(the lace kind) hats, I love after holiday sales!
I remember when I was very little(3 years old, and yes, it is a coherent memory) that I had to have eye drops put in around Easter time. Mom promised me a hat if I would take the drops without crying. I did, and got the coolest hat for Easter. She was always so amazed that i remembered that.I recall so many little details...sitting on the cold laminate table as she put them in, how cold the drop was as it hit my eye, and how badly I fought to not cry.My feet were swinging under the table, which helped distract me.Wow...22 years ago!
Back later Smile

Joined: 04/28/02
Posts: 77

Taking a brief break from the page I am working on. Brian will be at work until at least 11 tonight as Dave has a big piece to work on Sad That sucks. So does finding out he doesn't get any time off tomorrow...no getting out early, or day off. Like anyone is going to show up! It wouldn't be so bad if they didn't get halloween off, and get the Superbowl day off, but man, can't do anything for Easter. God forbid someone have a family with kids who care! I almost want to cry thinking about how many memories are created without him.I told him one day...non custodial parents see their kids more. In jest I said I should divorce him so he would be forced to spend time with them on weekends and holidays. I probably hurt him with that one, but it hurts me that his job is in the way of his relationship with his kids. He doesn't see the impact yet, but it will hit him hard when the kids start showing indifference later. There is a Harry Chapin song(redone by Ugly Kid Joe) called Cats in the Cradle...too fitting Sad
I have the front door open and the rain keeps pattering on the porch, and the sweet smell of spring keeps wafting in to taunt me. I love the rain, maybe even more than sunshine I love a spring rain. When I was 15 I was living in Bay City MI and there was a flooding rain. It was so warm, big fat warm drops that actually stung when they hit. The streets were filled to my knees and I was out dancing in the streets, feeling so free. I had a babydoll dress on that was sticking to me like paper, my hair was plastered to my cheeks, and I was just spinning and laughing and feeling for all the world as though I were free of all bad things at the moment. My best friend thought I was crazy. Maybe I was. She came trudging along in her raincoat and umbrella to get me, and when she touched me I fell back to reality and just started sobbing. Standing in a giant puddle with my tears mingling with the rain, and laughing still through the wracking painful sobs. She didn't know what to do, so she left. I walked for a couple hours that day in the rain...dealing with thoughts of suicide and joy and feeling so very mixed up. This was one week after my mom left my dad. When I finally went home I was so cold, and sore from trudging about in wet shoes and deep water. The next day was so normal it was in a way scarier than the plethora of emotions that had overcome me the day before. I was a whirlwind, and things went spiralling down from there.
Wow...remembering things is so physically draining. I can feel all the past inside me, kept safe in a secret chamber. Names and faces float in their, and I peek in every now and then, but I always keep the door closed. What would be the point in opening it? The past is gone, good for looking at with a melancholy fondness, nothing else.
I remember Pat and Pat2, Aric's friends. The spiked Kool-Aid I wouldn't drink, and how everyone made fun of me for it. I cried...I wanted to fit in but I was not about to touch alchohol.
I remember how Aric gave Andrea(my supposed best friend) a picture of hmself after we broke up that said" Dria, to the only girl I wish I met before her friend" I was so crushed to read that. It still hurts today to think that someone could dislike me so much they would try to hurt me like that. Especially over sex. He always tried every trick in the book to guilt me into sex."Allysa did this with me...she was a Good Girlfriend, she really cared about my wants, not just her self" "You don't trust me. Your words mean nothing, you never prove that you love me" The pain of what he did will probably never really go away, just fade slowly with more time. It is because of Aric I never could see why Brian would choose to be with and stay with me. Because of Aric I was desperate to prove to Brian that I did want to stay with him. I still feel guilty that I slept with him only 1 month after we started going together. Looking back I was so naive, so weak. I love myself for changing though. I love that I love who I am now!
WHew...I should get back to the scrapping. I feel good getting so much accomplished Smile I can envision the day i give the kids their albums...a wedding day, or maybe a baby's birth.I actually want to have old fashioned chests made, cedar ones with their names or maybe just initials, and fill it with special memories form their childhoods. I have all their carter blankies that I got for their coming home outfits. Each one is different Smile

Joined: 04/28/02
Posts: 77

What a happy morning Smile The kids woke up so eager to get downstairs and see their baskets...to see if the bunny really did come. Brian was a dolt and kept saying to give him one more minute! lol, he doesn't understand that one minute is like an hour to the kids today. So finally, at 8 we headed downstairs. The kids were so excited at the baskets, and the signed note the bunny left, right next to a pile of half eaten carrots Wink Trinity ran to the fridge and saw the bag laying open and shouted that he went in OUr fridge to get them! Lol. While the kids enjoyed their books and new bath toys I made some pancakes and fresh oj. We had a nice breakfast together, then the kids got to discover the eggs in the front yard. I think they were amazed...not only baskets with treats, but eggs filled with candy! We hopped in the van after that and went to Walmart for some little things for dinner. Brian is at work now, Logan is napping, and the kids are playing out back with their eggs. Smile After he gets home and we eat Easter dinner he is taking Trinity and Christian to the carnival down the street. I am going to take Gavin and Logan to the playground by the school. The crowds at carnivals really are too much for me, and I think Gavin will have more fun this way.
Today I plan to get the floor done on the 3rd floor. Finally get the rest of the paint up from it :roll: Then I want to hit some laundry, get the rest of the winter clothes put away, and get the playroom in order. The iguana is getting moved permanantly to the sunroom for the rest of the spring and summer. I am so excited that he is looking so much better Smile In fact, i am going to give him some watermelon to eat later as a treat.
Anyway, i am in a great get things done mood.

Joined: 04/28/02
Posts: 77

Why am I so tired all of a sudden? Argg!!! Lol, just wanted an excuse to sit down for a minute...I need to eat some fruit and jump back into it!

Joined: 04/28/02
Posts: 77

The refinance assesors just left. They were really nice! Two very chatty older men, and I doubt there will be any problem witht he refinance.
Here is my handywork for yesterday:
Okay...here is a before pic:

Pretty bad,huh? Well here is what i did to it! I love how it turned out, and I am not even done yet, still have to grout it.

Any other Trading Spaces fans may recognize the idea Wink I think Gen did it in season 2...can't recall for sure, it may have even been hilde??? Anyhow, that was what I spent hours on yesterday!
I am really excited that this project turned out so nicely. Brian's mom showed up last night while I was working on it...at least I was busy so i didn't really have to talk to her. Brian and her watched Saving PVT Ryan while I did the fireplace. I was trying to hide my tears as I heard the movie. I was a little unhappy, as Brian knows there is a reason i haven't ever watched that movie. War and all it's realities imo are not made for entertainment. While i commend the recognition factor it really bothers me. I already envision war, and it is even more gruesome than the movie portrays. The movie is over faster than the shortest battle. It took people longer to die than it did to watch the whole movie plus credits and extras. That bothers me. So I was keeping my back to the tv, but still had to hear it and fight the lump in my throat, the tears in my eyes. I know I am extremely empathetic, and sometimes that makes simple things hard. Then...Brian's mom started saying some really stupid things and I had to really bite my tongue to keep from blasting her stupidity. I did say a few things that just kinda slipped out, but for the most part let her spew that garbage and tried to ignore her.
Anyhow...my next project is probably going to be renting a buffer and attacking the floors in the house, then staining the downstairs ones a cherry, the second floor is in good shape just needs polished, and the thrid floor just needs to get the paint off it, and it is a beautiful deep wood colour.
Then I have paint pens to decorate Trinity's room with. I am going to do flowers and faieires all around the room.
I am hoping at the renn faire I can find a red and black celtic bedspread! That would be so cool. Smile
I am off to lay down, my head has been hurting, my eyes don't focus so well today, and I just kinda feel weird. Maybe the early morning seizure(just a little one, but it still messes with me")

Joined: 04/28/02
Posts: 77

How odd, my post counts are going down???
Anyhow, it is quiet here...everyone is in bed and Brian is not home yet. I had a rough day that turned into a great night. We did some fun crafts , read a bunch of books(and Trinity read to me for some of them! I love hearing her say the words so hesitantly...it sounds so sweet to know she is really reading them now) and danced around like goofs Smile
Logan was cruising the entertainment center and let go and stepped to me. I am so mixed...how exciting! and how sad and scary that my last baby is so close to walking! I don't want to be done with the baby stage...my whole being is fighting this. I want to do it again, but I know Brian is almost at the point where he wants to be done.It is so tempting to get on the female reproductive factors pill again...I just know I would be pregnant within 2 months if I did. I can't do that though...for one thing the pills cost 25 per bottle, and Brian doesn't want me to take them(despite being reassured that they do not increase the chance of multiples he thinks I will have twins if I do)(btw, i would love twins)
I am so craving choclate right now...but it has to be something good. I want cream puffs or eclairs, or some rasperry choclate cookies. Omg I am so hungry. Blum 3
Logan is up

Joined: 04/28/02
Posts: 77

My dishwasher has been installed! The first load of dishes is quietly being washed as i sit here beaming Smile The other awesome thing about today is the new addition to the family...Arthur the sugar glider! He is awesome!!! So attached already, not fiesty at all.I wanted to get a pair, but we are going to do one for now. We will carry him alot, and I don't think it will be a problem...the research I have done says they should be in pairs if they can't get the attention they need from a human on a daily basis. Anyhow, he is adorable! So soft. He is enjoying the sunroom(all darkened, they are nocturnal). I gave him some banana and he lapped at it for so long Smile Peed on Trinity already too Lol
Tornadoe weather today, that yellowish tint to the sky.Ack, the okc tornadoe really shook my world, and while I am calm and collected inside I still hurt from it. I know it ties into my ppd after Christian, but the feelings run deep.
I am so extremely pysched to meet Marie and her family next month! The Renn Faire is coming up!!! I am ordering a new dress from ebay, I hardly ever buy clothes for me, but this is special! I want to look nice Smile Brian's birthday is that day, and I want it to be magickal!
I am feeling a need to grow with God. I talked to Marie about it alot, and I just need that bond back. Not that I lost it, but I have been stronger before, and don't want to settle for less. She reminded me of one of the most powerful testimonies in the Bible...the part where Abraham, though saddened and sickened at the thought was willing to give his son to God. That had such an impact on me always...at the time I didn't know that complete faith. Anyone who has felt it knows what I mean, it is a willingness to wlak off the face of the world forever. It is the faith that allowed Jesus to be crucified and okay with it. The other amazing faith in the Bible came in an unassuming way...there was a Roman soldier at the foot of the cross when God blackened the sky. He looked up at the sky and saw the miraculous sight and looked at Jesus and said" Surely he is the son of a God" The reason that simple statement is so strong is this: the soldier did not believe in God. He believed in multiple Gods, and when he saw the reaction to the death of Christ he knew that he was looking upon a deity. He did not recognize him, but he knew that only a God would react that way. Some things just hit the heart and shed light to the meaning at the perfect time!

Joined: 04/28/02
Posts: 77

I am going to type a quick entry then do some sit ups Smile I am loving that my waist is getting smaller, but I want that toneness back as well. I told Brian last night that I can feel myself getting a bit more dumb after each year, that I am terrified that the seizures are really destroying my brain slowly and I am going to end up childlike. He got tears in his eyes as he told me it wouldn't happen, but I know he is afraid that that may be something that is happening. Not quickly thankfully, but happening nonetheless.
I am so happy, I think we found a church! We were on our way home from Walmart(had to get fruit nectar for Arthur Smile ) and went the country route. We passed a fairly large church building and I saw the sign with their hours...a 10am service and a 7:30pm service! We could do either of those! Almost every church here has a 10:30/11am service and 6pm service, neither of which we can do. So we will get up and do it this Sunday...I really hope this is it for us, I feel so wrong and alone without a church family. I will know it is right if there is a spot in the childrens ministry open...I miss that sooo much from Tulsa. I know my heart is led to minister to young kids, and that I am good at it. I love seeing the wonder of not only the world through their eyes, but the wonder of God. My favourite lesson is taking an egg to explain the Trinity...3 parts of 1 egg.It helps make a very abstract is=dea seem concrete for them until they are older and able to fathom deeper thought.
I am getting laundry done today still. It will feel good to have a bunch done at the end of the night. Lol...I always do a load of towels or blankets every 3rd load because I need the break and they are so easy to put away Wink The little things that rae quirky to make the day easier.
My dishwasher is awesome! I love that I can throw dishes in and have them clean themselves as I do something else!!!
Anyhow...time to do some situps! I can do it! I want to be better in one month...it is a realistic objective if I work hard.

Joined: 04/28/02
Posts: 77

Brian is at a movie with Dave Smile I am really glad he went, he needs to get some fun every now and again. I told him he should go to Waffle House or IHOP afterwards, but he said he will probably just come home. I cleaned a little extra because I am guessing Dave will come with him.
Poor Christian...I was crying with him today. While playing outside he stepped on a piece of glass(where it came from I do not know!). It was a big piece, and in there deep. I tried to get it out and he screamed bloody murder. I called Brian home because there was no way I could get it out. He came home and basically I had to hold Christian(and sing to him/soothe him/wipe his tears) as Brian tried to get it out. At one point he screamed "I'm sorry Mommy, make Daddy stop!!!" I was crying so hard Sad As soon as Bri got the glass out though he sat up and said "All better!" We gave him a fruitsnack pack and he is all good now, but oh my heart broke at his pain.I really felt like I was going to be sick when he begged me to make daddy stop Sad
Anyhow, I am tired, my eyes hurt. I am off to play with Arthur before bed Smile

Joined: 04/28/02
Posts: 77

Rainy days...seems like an extra amount of them this year. I heard the frogs singing last night thoguh before the lightning storms, so that was nice Smile
Arthur went on our morning errands with us. I wrapped him in an old cloth diaper and he just slept away, occasionally making little chirping noises. He is so sweet.
Anyhow, today we are going to do alot of reading and then I want to get the third floor going again. I need to measure so I can half panel the walls, then get the rest painted/muralled.
Brian got home from his movie last night and I was sleeping. I vaguely recall him talking to me...he said I was saying some silly things. Lol, all my life I have sleepwalked and talked. Pretty funny in a way.
The state is attempting to revamp the tattoo piercing laws, which really changes nothing except adding another hundred dollar fee in :roll: Now there will be a county fee, city fee, and state fee.
I am really excited to try this new church out! I hope it works out well!
Okay, I will updateagain later.

Joined: 04/28/02
Posts: 77

So I am crampy and chowing choclotae...please let af be on her way!
The kids have been watching Strawberry shortcake and Hello Kitty for 3 days in a row Lol It totally cracks me up that they like the oldies Smile We have quite a cool collection of shows!
This weather is definately making me sluggish. I need some sunshine! Warm weather! Bring it on baby!
I think tomorrow I am going to get Brian to take me to Lowes to get paneling for upstairs. I could get it done while he is at work Smile That would shock him,lol, I have been doing all the home jobs lately. I still want to get some planters with big blooms for the porch. Darn money..i hate that it isn't a never ending source Lol The week has been slow for Brian, 2 days he had zero piercings even, which is unusual for April. I am going to try to sell some stuff on Ebay. I am trying not to regret getting my dress...I never buy clothes for me, and this is really pretty, but at the same time I hate spending that much Sad
Nana just called Smile A pleasant conversation! She will be doing a senior bus trip to Mississippi next month, sounds like fun! If I live to be a senior I want to do all those bus trips all over the country...right up my alley Blum 3

Joined: 04/28/02
Posts: 77

Could it really be true??? Is it in fact a possibility that we will be moving back to Tulsa?!!! Shawn quit today,leaving the Tulsa piercing studio(as Tattooing is illegal in OK :roll: ) without a piercer. Brian is going to be working there until Cliff can find a piercer. Brian is going to ask Cliff about moving back and being Tulsa's piercer. I may get to go home! Brian isn't sure if he wants to, and I know where he is coming from. There are pros and cons on both ends. Here is my list:pro Tulsa: Va right there, GUTS(our church home that I love, that I was teaching at for a couple years), our friends, the zoo, big city/lots to do, Reasors(yes, the grocery store made my list)a new house with land??? Cons: I love our house here...we will not be able to get anywhere near as big or fun a house in Tulsa.That is the only con...but ti is a big one. I am so confused...do I want to move back or not. I mean, we have a 3500 sf house here, and would be moving back to less than 2000 for sure. They just don't have these nice old houses in Tulsa for our price range. I don't know!!!! ANyway, something to talk over when he gets home!
Lynn from the J2K board will be stopping in tonigt, I am going to bake her a birthday cake Smile In fact, she should be here in a couple hours!!! I need to get baking, and get some on the road stuff for her Smile I love meeting people!
Off to do a quick search for Tulsa homes before I get back to work.

Joined: 04/28/02
Posts: 77

We will make our final decision today, after Brian talks to Cliff(bossman). It looks like we will be moving though. I don't know how to feel...I am majorly excited(lol, yes, i am nomadic!) and sorta sad at the thought of leaving this great home. I mean...this is the dollhouse I played with as a child, my dreamhome. The houses in Tulsa just are not the same style. I can deal with it, it is just going to be a win or loss either way,yk?
Lynn got here last night a bit after 9. She is so sweet, I really hate all that she is going through. Collin is a sweetie! He talked so nicely, and was so polite. Christian stayed up until a little after midnight with him!!! :O Then Collin woke up at 6:45 Lol and Trinity and he played for an hour until Gavin woke up too. We had fun blowing bubbles and being silly for a bit until they had to hit the road. Lynn was so cool...I talked her ear off, but she was laughing about it Smile Poor thing, she was so tired!
Kent is coming over tonight. Lol, at least the house is already guest ready Wink If we move it will eb nice to be able to see Kent without us having to drive in to Tulsa, or him having to drive out here. WQe haven't seen him in over a year!
I am off to sort through and decide what we will take with us if we go, and what will be sold in an estate type sale. We already decided that the couch is staying...no way are we going to lug that bad bear again! The boys bunk beds are staying, the entertainment center, the baby stuff...all to be sold. There is so much to think about! Yay, and the iguana is pawing to get out...guess I should take him up to the sunroom Smile

Joined: 04/28/02
Posts: 77

I wish I had a test laying around. I am so emotional, and even though I have good reason to be it still feels too hormonal. I am having major baby dreams. I am getting sick every night, not throwing up, just weak and naseous. It is probably just allergies but I can wish, can't I? Sigh...I wonder if I will ever have another baby...
We are going to Tulsa in about an hour to start looking for houses for rent. I am so emotional at the thought of moving again...I know it looks like the obvious choice, but we are pretty happy here in a content kinda way. In Tulsa we would be happy too. Is it worth moving to stay in a happy state? I mean, we will be happy either way...but I think the decision is pretty much set...we are going.
I am wearing major not pregnant clothes Smile My capri pants and a black babydoll top...I look good Smile It makes me feel good, especially since I have been working to get here.
Anyway, best get some sandwhiches made for the trip...I can't believe we are going house hunting!

Joined: 04/28/02
Posts: 77

Well, i think we found our temp house Smile It is small, but nice. 3 bedrooms(the garage was converted to make a 3rd room) all new paint and carpet, huge fenced backyard. We will have to get a storage unit though...there is no way we can fit all our stuff in it, and I am not selling some of it. We are getting rid of the couch, the entertainment center, and alot of baby stuff. We will be having a mini estate sale, and after we buy a home in Tulsa we can buy new stuff that suits that house better, and the kids will be a bit older so it won't gt thrashed as much Lol
Ack...there is so much to do. I am being a slug today...I need to start packing and sorting through things, but I am afraid to. Part of it is that mom was with us in this house...if we move the new house will hold no such memories. We drove by the old va yesterday, the place she loved working at. I started crying, remembering how happy and healthy she was. Trinity would do that little wobbly baby run to her singing gada gada, and mom would just beam as she showed her off. Then Christian was born,a nd mom made cookies for the whole clinic. At this house mom sat by the french doors with Logan under his billiblanket, and she was radiant. I still miss her everyday, and the thought that she has left her body is hard. When will I feel better about this?
Anyhow...off to start this process Smile I ahve to at leat clear one room today, thats my goal

Joined: 04/28/02
Posts: 77

I have been trying for so long to get this page to load! Anyway
Man...my house is turned upside down Smile I have it set up pretty well for the moving sale this weekend, ttoday will be spent getting more stuff in order and marking prices. The kids are so cute, bringing me some of their toys and sayiong we can sell them to help move. Lol...too sweet.
I will update more later, just need to get somethinhg done real quick!

Joined: 04/28/02
Posts: 77

What a gorgeous day out. A little hotter than ideal, but still beautiful. The green grass is so thick, so lush. My neighbors have the most fragrant flowers, and the smell wafts through my house. I could turn on the ac, but won't...saves money, and keeps me humble :)I am definately one who thinks that just because you can do something doesn't mean you should, and that having more doesn't make for a better life.
The curls in Logans hair are unbelievable! Tight little tendrils, so gorgeous. I can't wait to see in 6 moths what he ahs going on Smile
Gavin is blowing me away with signing lately. He doesn't know many words, but the ones he does know he uses alot! I love it! Christian is right back on track with pottying on the toilet, Thank God!!! Trinity is so hyper about moving back to Tulsa it is unreal. Lol, so are our friends, the phone hasn't stopped ringing in three days!
There is so much I want to write, but I have been feeling so disjointed lately. It is really frustrating.

Joined: 04/28/02
Posts: 77

Pretty uneventful day. I got my Usborne Books stuff Smile I will look at it after the kids are sleeping. I got the playroom mostly packed. Went to Expressrentz.com to see if I could find a decent sized house at a very cheap rate Blum 3 and I found a few. Now we just have to go see them(when?) and hopefully get in by next week. I am already weary of him being gone, while I sit at home alone for days in a row, no car Sad I need groceries, and am just trying to make due. *This is all going to work out*
I am so tired.Like an exhausted tired that doesn't go away. Lol, it is no surprise though, I haven't taken a vitamen at all in 2 weeks, and am extremely anemic. Two missed pills make me weak, two weeks worth are bad news. I just haven't cared enough to walk into the kitchen and open the bottle and take one :roll: Stupid, I know. I couldn't even tell you why I don't do it, I just have no motivation. I wonder why I am always co concerned about everyone else's health, and totally blow mine off? I really wonder...
6 months ago...I can't believe mom has been gone for half a year now. I can't believe how much I still miss her, and how much I see that reminds me of her daily. The irises are coming up around the neighborhood...Mom loved irises.Mothers day...I don't even recall what I did for her last year! I know we went to Joe's Crabshack to eat, but did I get her something? Why did I take my time with her for granted?This year I will do nothing for Mothers day. Brian just isn't the type to do anything without someone to goad him into it(my mom always did that..."asked" him what kind of flowers he was going to get me, or some sort of pushing question) I bet it goes off like any other day Sad I hope Mom is happy, and can see us. For all that I miss her I am still happy. I am so in love with life, and so was she, and I wish there were a few more chances, but I am happy.
ANyhow...I still have a ton to do! BBL

Joined: 04/28/02
Posts: 77

Today is frustrating me....and that is pretty rare. We paid a rental agency for listings and all...but I couldn't access the site all morning because brian didn't tell me the password before he left, and he had his phone off. When he finally turned it back on he left it in the car. I finally got a phone call from him, had him call the company, they say the problem is fixed...I check in and no, it sure isn't. Hello!!! I just want to find a house to rent!!! My head is aching, the kids seem unuasually loud...My house is a mess. I can't stand clutter, and there is stuff everywhere. The kids have toys all over the place, there are half packed boxes everywhere, there are trashpiles everywhere as I try to reduce stuff.Argg!
But, the sun just came out, and I know that we will find something soon. I am really hopeing that this house will sell super quickly and we can start to house hunt in Tulsa. It will be nice not to feel rushed, to make sure all the little things are in order...big closets, some land...the extras Smile
I was thinking of Labyrynth today...I love how Sara tells him ,"You have no power over me!" She surprises herself as well as Jareth with that...the words alone are meaningful, but the way she didn't seem to realize that despite his control of the situations, the enviorments...he could not hold her unless she let him. Noone truly has power unless we give it to them, and that is notewrothy. Lol...I love my movies. I do not watch many, but the ones that catch me get the full working oover of analysis Wink
Off to try the website again!

Joined: 04/28/02
Posts: 77

"When are you going to feed that baby?" :? "ummm, next time he gets hungry?lol" "C'mon, Wendy, that's not what I mean. When are you going to give him real milk, and food?" *gasp* 'You mean God screwed up and this is not real milk?! Holy Cow!!! I can't believe I have been depriving him...no wonder he is so unhelalhty!"*snicker* "Ok, I see you don't want to talk about it."
People amuse me...lol, I amuse myself too, lol, i like my replies. Wink
Anyhow, now that I *gasp again* nursed my so soon to be 10 month old baby to bed Smile I can sit down again. I still have to clean abit, but it can wait a few. I made chicken alfredo for lunch and speghetti for dinner Smile Lots of carbs, the kids should sleep well tonight. I wonder if I will...i never sleep well when Brian isn't home. Oh well, C'est la vie!
I looked online at a bunch of houses today...i am pretty confidant that we will be able to get in somewhere by next week. I can't wait to be back in the hustle of a big city Smile I can't wait to go to the zoo Smile
I inspired a friend to stop drinking anything but water Smile She asked me a million times how I was losing my weight, and i told her it was the 10+ glasses of water, plus yoga. She kinda scoffed it off, but now she knows...and she is upping her water ad cutting out soda Smile I hope she does it, I know she doesn't like herself right now. I really do not believe in "dieting" rather modifying your diet and living healthfully. Mandi wants to do Atkins again when she gets home :roll: I really am against that one...so damaging to ones health Sad
I think I might make some brownies tonight Smile I am so craving chocolate right now...omg, I would love to go to ihop or Bennigans or somehting and get a chocoltae dessert!(lol, I still to this day remember dessert is spelled with two s's because you always want seconds :grin: )
I remember when we first moved here to Joplin and went to the IHOP. Yes, Brian looks different because of his gorgeous dreadies and tats, and he had his septum spike in. Yes, we had 3 small kids and I was pretty largely pregnant Smile We sat down and waited...and waited...and waited. I could see several servers looking our way and then averting their eyes from mine??? I strained to hear and heard, "No way, you take that table!" Other patrons came in and were immediatly served. My kids were hungry..I was getting weak from low blood sugar. We stared at the servers, giving them ample oppurtunity to serve us. Finally, half an hour after sitting down with no service(our children had coloured so sweetly the whole time!) we left. Brian took the kids to the van as I spoke to the hostess. I was near tears (part of the low sugar ) I told her the discrimanation shown to us was despicable, that we had eaten at IHOP for 4 nights that week due to moving, and to find out the one in our new town was going to treat us like this was absolutely shocking. The hostess was nice enough to apologize, but I told her it wasn't her fault the servers were rude enough to do that. I got a comment card and left.I sent it in and got some coupons a few weeks later, with an apology from the main office, but I still wouldn't go back to that resteraunt(the Joplin one, I don't hold it against other branches)
I am really chatty today(think it is from sitting home alone??? Wink ) so I am sure I will be back.

Joined: 04/28/02
Posts: 77

I missed sleeping with my head in the crook of his arm. I adore resting my cheek on his bare chest. I still managed to sleep well last night, waking up with 4 babes in the bed Smile That is a mighty fine feeling!
I fed the kids , changed some diapers, and constructed a massive train track for the kids to play with Smile They are playing wioth it like it has never been done beofre Lol I should be able to get quite a bit done while they play!
Brian is supposed to call when he gets up, and get at least two addresses so he can check out some houses. Of course, it is almost 10 already so if he doesn't wake up soon e won't get to do it :? He went to a blues and bbq fest last night in Tulsa, hope he had fun. Part of me gets aggravated that he always gets to go out and do things, and I don't even get one night a year :roll: but then i think about it awhile. I firmly believe that mothers are the more nurturing parent(I am aware this is not popular opinion, but it is mine) and think thereforer that they are the more important parent for the child to be close to. Please don't barage me with hateful pm's...I know there are always exceptions, but I do feel that due to the increased oxytocin naturally found in the female that this is just the way it is. Smile
The kids and I are going to make a couple pans of mouth watering fudge today Smile I can't wait to eat some...omg, mystomach is literally gurgling at me!

Joined: 04/28/02
Posts: 77

I made some absolutely scrumptious fudge! There is also some delicious smellign chicken and veggies in the crock pot...I can't get over how hungry I am! But the fudge...I would eat that even if I wasn't hungry.
The iguana got out Smile I was typing and looked over at the curtain(must have caught sight subconciously) and there he was staring at me! Lol, I shrieked...wasn't expecting him there! Got him put back and gave him some watermelon, and gave Artur some too.Then of course Trinity wanted some...so the watermelon is gone Smile It was pretty darn good too.
Brian is coming home tonight. He didn't look at any houses because he stayed out until 4 in the morning :roll: So much for getting sleep Blum 3 . We will drive into Tulsa tomorrow and check out homes...hopefully finding one to rent. I am bringing blankets and pillows and odds and ends just in case Smile
In the mail I got some Usborne Books that I had won on Ebay...I am so glad I joined this company. The books are really everything they claim...informative and fun at the same time. Christian hasn't put his plane one down all afternoon!I am even contempalating going to the Tulsa convention this year...I mean...why not? It will be in my backyard!
I got the toys in Trinity's room packed, so theere is not alot left to do upstairs. I just want this to be done quickly.
I haven't heard from Mandi lately Sad I hate that...wish she was home. Soon enough I hope.

Joined: 04/28/02
Posts: 77

The hour grows later, the sky is darkening Smile I love nighttime. If I had to be a mythical creature I would easily join with the vampyres Wink
I am really starting to get excited about starting fresh again. I have some great ideas for the kids new rooms when we buy our next home Smile I love the idea of stripes on the top half off the room for the boys, and a patchworkl quilt type wall for trinity. A playroom could be sooo much fun...I could go crazy and it will still look okay!
I think I am going to send my nana flowers from my mom...I don't know if I should or not. I don't want to make her sad, but I know this will be such a hard mothers day, the first one since losing her daughter Sad Anyone who reads this feel free to pm me and let me know if it is a bad idea??? I would love to have the note say "God grew these in His garden, and I wanted to share His joy with you mom.Love Karen"
Okay...wiping the tears from my eyes...five more pounds to lose and I get new clothes! *big huge grin* I am so pysched, I know I can do it by the end of this month if I am careful. I know some people will think 5 pounds is no biggie, but my last 5 pounds is always the hardest. I get to buy at least 2 pairs of jeans, and a few shirts Smile That will be soo fun! Maybe I will get a church dress too, although our Tulsa church is very come as you are(I like that and don't ...it is kinda fun to get dressed up, but at the same time we are sooo much more easily able to make it in time as a jeans type service,ykwim?)
Ok...Marie has had me thinking...I never had an adult baptism. I am still not sure how I feel about it for me...it makes me very uncomfortable. I know that most people feel a renewed sense of God's presence after , but it really is hard for me. I need to keep thinking about it...if I become convicted to do it cool, if not, no harm no foul Wink
Ok...off again.I am sure at least one more entry will be written tonight. PLease...any help about the flowers...

Joined: 04/28/02
Posts: 77

I talked to Brian, he should be on his way home soon. He was finishing paperwork while we chatted Smile It is cool...the guys at the Tulsa shop both have kids. Chris and his wife have 2(boys,3 and 10 months), and Greg and his wife have 7(2 dd's who live with their mom in AZ, and 5 dd's who are their's together.I don't know the ages, except that they range from 2 to 15) So we will definately have an easier time as far as the families getting together, in fact they are already talking bbq's! I love it. The guys here are soo cool too, but in that no kids way.
Brian's mom called...I wonder if she saw the van in Tulsa...she is sooo manipulative. We aren't going to tell her that we are moving back for as long as possible. She is super messed up. When Brian and his brother Kevin were kids she kidnapped them and hid from their dad,telling them that he was a child molester,satan worshiper, drug dealing homosexual :O She has ADMITTED(NOW THAT THEY HAVE MET THEIR DAD AS ADULTS) THAT SHE LIED SO THEY WOULDN'T GO NEAR HIM IF HE EVER FOUND HER. sHE BLAMES HER(Sorry for the caps, too lazy to go back Blum 3 ) actions on the devil, but says she isn't sorry,. that he is suchj a bad guy :roll: Anyhow...she is kinda crazy.
I got the house straightened up tonight Smile i feel so lousy when it is dirty...
I am going to play Mahjohng for a little bit...

Joined: 04/28/02
Posts: 77

Yesterday we went to T town to check rental homes. Wow...saw some "interesting" ones Lol Like the one that was covered in graffiti from the local gang :roll: Yes, please, let me live in a house with F you written all over it, and little funny drawings! It will help my kids learn to read better! :puke: After all day and only 1 real prospect we went to Golden Corral(yum!) Brian's dad and stepmom were with us(they live in FL, and this is their annual trek across the country to see all 8 of their kids and families) They were really impressed with the kids and kept telling us how well behaved they are. Lol, like we are trying to raise hellions??? Then the waitress dropped a dish of raspberry ice cream all over me! I was so sticky and gross, and the woman didn't seem to realize it got on me, she just carried on her conversation with a friend :roll: I just grabbed some napkins and wiped myself down as well as I could. The table beside us was irked though and mentioned it to the server, who got really embarrassed and said sorry then walked away. Anyhow...after that I asked Brian to show me where Shawn used to live, since I had heard so much about what a cute older style home it was. He said sure, maybe we could even find something for rent around there although he remembered Shawn saying he paid 650, which is not our range. Well sure enough, we drove up and there was a for rent sign in the window! I told Brian to call(it is a cute house Smile and what did we have to lose.) The guy said he had just put the sign up 15 minutes before we called Lol The house is only 500 per month, with a 6 month lease, so totally doable! We should find out tomorrow if we get it or not, and I really hope we do!
I took the mattress off Trinity's bed so i could start taking the mammoth apart and then got called down here(Brian was on the phone) The kids were playing on the mattress which is no biggie, but they somehow managed to knock it over on Gavin and he is sooo bruised Sad My poor guy, his lower back looks horrid, though he doesn't act as though it hurts. It is slightly abraded and very bruised. I gave him a dose of tylenol for pain and swelling, then sang to him and he is good now Smile
Off for now!

Joined: 04/28/02
Posts: 77

Another night in an empty bed(or I guess I culd say another night with just me and the babies Smile ) I am almost ready to get the kids to sleep, right now they are riding their skateboards through the house and burnign some serious energy!!!Like I would stop that Wink
The realtor will be here tomorrow at 10ish so I can look at the papers and probably list the house. I am really hoping it sells, and that we can at least break even. I hate to think we might have to pay money to sell our house,ykwim? Trying not to dwell on it...I want to get into our new house in Tulsa.
Brian had been having a great day already when he called earlier. 10 piercings before 5 o clock is pretty great for a Monday! I am glad, it is nice to have that reassurance that bussiness will be good. I talked to De today for a minute and she mentioned New Years parties *big huge grin* We always threw the bash, and this past year was the first since we had been married that we didn't have a party. I can't wait to do it again Smile I love being a hostess, keeping the food flowing, the music playing, the friends chatting Smile It is all good fun.
I am really worried about Jenn Sad I hope she is able to do what is best.
I can't wait for Mandi to get home either!

Joined: 04/28/02
Posts: 77

AHhhhhhhhh...I am so frustrated today! This is a rare state for me...I am almost at tears trying to deal with today. I am lonely, and feel useless. There is so much to get done, and I am just not able to do it all Sad I don't have any boxes, so I can't finish packing...the laundry is piled up again, I need to run the dishwasher.The kids rooms need to be touched up(paint) the dining room needs to be touched up, the yard needs mowed.The floors need mopped, lunch needs to be made. I am tired and not dealing well with no adult to see in days.
The realtor came over, walked through the house and left papers to sign. We are going to be lucky if we break even Sad I can't believe we may have to pay someone to buy our home...this sucks soooo bad! I can rationalize it though that we will have a couple more payments before we sell, so we will knock the amount we owe down, and what we have to pay we will save in the rest of the montyhly payments.
Brian is coming home tonight! I am so glad. Hopefully he brings the news that we got that house to rent and we can move tomorrow. Some of our friends are even off tomorrow to help...please let this be soon!
Anyhow...off to tackle my huge list that seems it will never be done.

Joined: 04/28/02
Posts: 77

I guess this is a chick survey...
Does size really matter? sorta...I am not too sexual, so love for me is fine without great sex. It doesn't really matter anyway, lol, Brian is umm...yeah, more than adequate :oops:

How many boyfriends have you had? 5

How do you feel when other people call you names like bitch or slut? Probably would be angry at the moment...but it isn't true in either regard so who cares??? Interesting that it has never happened...

Are you ok with your body? definately Smile Having kids was good for me, I love my feminine form now.

Do you have good self-esteem? usually

Do you wear make-up? nope

Is your hair long or short? long

Do you get your nails done? no

Do you go to a tanning salon? nope

Do people who spend more time on their looks than anything else annoy you? sometimes...it depends on if they are actually bothering someone with ti. If it is just wasting their time then who cares?

What are your PMS cravings? chocolate and steak(rare!)

Do you talk openly about PMS/your period? lol, haven't had either in a long time! I am not ashamed but do carry a sense of modesty

Do you use "slang" for your period: yes, af is one Smile

If you were given a coupon for one free plastic surgery operation, would you use it? definately not...I have very strong opinions on this.

Are you closer to your mom or your dad? when mom was living I was very close to her. I am not very close to my dad unfortunate*ly..

Did you/would you tell the parent you are closest to about your first sexual experience? She was told far after the fact(it was non consentual)

Do you want children? umm, I guess that would have to be changed to do I want more children Wink and yes I do.

In your opinion, what makes a girl a woman? maturity ,responsibility, and sexuality

Do magazines, movies, ect. really influence women that greatly? (as far as how they should look, ect.) yes.That is not to say I think they should, but I believe they do.

Do you follow the latest trends? Not really...I have my own style Smile

Joined: 04/28/02
Posts: 77

I got to see Brian last night Smile Granted he didn't get home until almost midnight and we went right to sleep...but I held his hand all night and it was nice to see him when I opened my eyes in the morning Smile We got up and ready(meaning he took a shower while I got all 4 kids dressed as well as myself Lol ) then ran out to get a couple things done before he drove back to Tulsa. He signed the realtors papers, we got cat food, and then a treat: Sonic! I had a grilled chicken wrap and large water(they gave me tap water :O gross!) and the kids all got wacky packs(kids meals) I love Sonic...but this branch sucks and the limeade Brian got was disgusting, we had to wait forever! Oh well...it was still cool.
I am almost completely done with the laundry! I am sdo glad...laundry weighs on my soul...when it isn't done I feel so frustrated...I need to keep up better.
The site is running so much better for me Smile That is cool, I can reply to people again Blum 3

Joined: 04/28/02
Posts: 77

I am so extremely happy with my laundry situation Smile I did sooo many loads today, and got so much ready for the moving sale! I am going to mark the clothes at 1 dollar per piece/outfit. If I sell everything I laid out then I will make over 100 dollars just on that! I hope all goes well(lol, I am an ebay addict, so alot of these boutique clothes I paid very little more than a dollar for myself. I think I more than got my money worth, plus they are all in good condition that I would not feel ashamed in any way to put my kids in them.) I still have to bring up the dresser from the basement(waiting till Brian gets home) and adjust some odds and ends.I am trying to mark fairly...not too high but not giving the stuff away either. I figure if it is too low than they get a good deal and I get rid of stuff that has just been cluttering the house, and if it is too high hopefully they will ask me if I will take x amount instead(to which I would say yes Smile )
I made a decision. I am selling most of my maternity clothes, most of my newborn clothes, and all the baby gear(the excersaucer,swing, highchair). I am happy with my kids, and if I don't have another I will be okay. Now I know I do want one more, but I am going to leave it as unplanned. I feel a weight lifted by not obsessing anymore anyway. At the same time it is scary...i have been pregnant for 4 of the past 5 years. I don't know how to be not pregnant. I used it...used it to hide the fact that I am shy. At least there was always my bump to talk about...used it to hide my inadequecy weight wise...I was pregnant and maternity clothes hide large thighs. Now I feel kinda naked. It will only make me stronger though Smile
It is sooo quiet here right now. The kids are all sleeping, the neighbor kids are gone, the animals are even sleeping. I wish Brian would call...I was hoping he could be home by 11 tonight Sad but it doesn't look like it. I have stuff I need to do in the morning, and stuff I need help with tonight. Now I will feel bad because I want him to get some sleep before he drives 3 hours per day again. Just until Sunday...then we will be set again...

Joined: 04/28/02
Posts: 77

There is an electric feel to the air today. The sky is yellowish/violent looking and I am waiting for some viscous storms to roll through.I keep blacking out as well, which leads me to believe I do indeed have a sinus infection. Arg...everytime I lay down I feel pain in my head, every time I sit or stand up I black out. Today as I walked down to the basement to get something I blacked out. Not fun Blum 3 Kinda funny though lol...to be walking and all of a sudden not see anything. I know, I have a warped sense of what is funny !
Brian is gone...staying in Tulsa tonight. Sigh...That means I have all the work for the sale on me. I can't believe I have 2 rooms full of stuff to sell, and I will be moving more into there today. Please please let this be productive!
I feel so disconnected ...I really think it is this storm. Making me nervous for a big tornado.
I gave the kids some of the old star wars(the open ones) that we had...they are raptureously happy Smile They haven't even watched the movies, but love the weird "planes" and the creatures. Lol...they have great imaginations and I adore listening to what they create. Logan is eating right now, and because he has another tooth bothering hi9m his suck is extra grating :O I will be glad when he feels better!

Joined: 04/28/02
Posts: 77

I got an email from Mandi Smile She sounded like she wanted to just remember the old times so I replied with a ton of our childhood memories. I wrote about Lori(our neighbor across the street) and how we would make these absolutely horrifying concoctions to pretend they were cookies(we weren't allowed tio use the stove). We borrowed moms puffy paints and decorated every white pillowcase in both houses(lol, boy did we get it for that one). We found a pile of homes magazines in the trash and tried to sell them for a nickel to all our neighbors! We told another girl that we were actually witches. Convinced her by dipping our hands in glue then showing her how we could peel our skin off after saying a spell.We put hair clippings in lockets and said it gave us our powers. All kinds of crazy stuff. She told her mom who told our moms...we didn't really get in trouble though since we were just playing, just got told not to do that again Wink When we moved Mandi and I had a bedroom with black carpet...such a cool room. We had an old fashioned candy machine in there that was just perfect. I remember the Christmas we got a stereo for our room. I got a Wilson Phillipe Tape, and we both got some perfume(our first) and new coats(really pretty grown up ones) I think I was 14 that year...the last year we had Christmas as a family. Maybe thats part of why it seems so amazing. I remember riding the horse out back with Mandi and he spooked at a garter snake and she fell off as we rode over the bridge. Hehe...I remember driving the tractor off the bridge! That was sooo scary...more so becasue I was terrified that dad wasgoing to beat me to death.but we are doing happy memories here. Hehe, I remember when we took Michaels favourite bear and cut small patches of fur off and told him a squirrel got loose in his room...he wouldn't sleep there for months. I miss her ...really hope that soon she is back. I want the kind of relationship you see on coffee comercials, where she drops by and we talk early in the morning, or something goofy like meeting her boyfriend for the first tiem and cracking jokes while she is nervous Smile

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