May your mother's memory be Eternal!
I cried when I read your post. My parents left state to raise horses many thousands of miles away. My kids don't know them. My heart breaks because my family is what you'd call malfunctional. I don't want to talk to my sisters who don't know me, yet who every few years they pop aroudn to tell me I don't know what I am doing and that I must be on drugs to stay sane. My parents are about the same, but I miss my mom even though she is still very much alive. I call her all the time but she never calls me and never asks to speak to the kids. I don't know what I will do when they pass on because I think I will be more sad for the relationship that never happened. I don't think they are proud of me and I don't think they actually care about us.
I am envious (lovingly so!) of what seems like was a great friendship and that if she saw you, that you know she would know she did things right!
My husband just about fell over when he saw the naughty pack in that raffle! Now whose idea was that? I bet that will be the one with the most money raised!
My prayers are with you!
I hope that your meeting went well Jamie :bighug:
Tea~ THank you.
kanjdn ~ Strength will always come as each day passes. don't rush yourself sweetie. You'll be able to write Julia's birthstory on our own time! :bighug:
My heart goes out to you! My mom was 56 when she died and I felt that was too soon!
Yes, start taking before and after pictures. I could relate to the mother transformation. I use to barely wear sweats, not I wear them more then I like to admit. I have the bob now. Oh, no it happened to me also!
You've got the wash n' wear bob! And the sweats! (My next step was the cheeks to die for!)
Getting a man is easy-- keeping one is another story. I want to get back to being stylin!
Good to hear that the meeting went better than expected....
You have a wonderful husband in Trey, and he is an extremely lucky man to have you.. Just remember that!!!!
You guys are both amazing!!!
I am glad to hear the meeting went well. Small baby steps. Trey loves you very much and probably needs you as much as you need him. Roles switch for many different reasons throughout a marriage. Down the line you may take over things he mainly does. You have a working marriage! I think your doing better then I would be!
I am sorry the Hotel has been canceled! I would be mad if DH didn't notice. I have to do something very drastic for him to notice.
Sounds like your coming along great. 3 weeks and you are in a routine, that is a big accomplishment in itself. I have to start, and that is my big problem.
Way to go on the support group!
You mentioned the lack of being able to make decisions. I had a light go on. Any time I feel out of control, I hand things over to my own husband. It's like a lack of trust in myself or something. Subconscious-- I had no idea that I did that. I think of poeple I've seen in situations either similar to yours or just where they feel out of control and it's very similar. The commonalities that we are programmed for amaze me!
Trey sounds like such a sweetheart.
I cannot imagine doing anything better than you and Trey have. Remember that in life it doesn't matter how many times we fall, but in how many times we get back up, dust ourselves off and be ready to go forward again, knowing what we may encounter but still hope for better!
Jamie-I am so glad to hear that the meeting went well and that you both were able to learn and open up about more things. I agree with the other ladies here, you have a strong, working marriage and a wonderful mate in Trey. May you continue to be blessed each day and rememeber, we are all here praying for you!! ((HUGS))
Diane-- I hope you kicked some academic butt on your test!
Thinking of you Carie. Though I have no idea what I would be doing in your shoes, I think you are handling this all with grace. Please be sure to put your needs first for a while. Take care of yourself.
I am heartbroken for your losses and thrilled that you are here!
Could I relate to parts of your journal. I suffer from depression. When I lost my mother 4 1/2 years ago. IF it was not for God and my kids I wouldn't be here. My DH said, what about me. He will never understand this, but I felt he could live without me, at that point I felt I would be doing him a favor if i was not here. Two thoughts came to my mind is if I commit sucide I would not still be with my mom and my kids would have to go through life without a mother who killed herself. IF any of my kids every felt it was their fault that would break my heart.
So, I am just letting you know I am thankful you are still here. People say suicide is very selfish and it is, but unless you have been there you never will understand it. I see both sides now.
I will be praying your blessed with a child!
My mom tried for 5 years to get pregnant and my brother and I are 7 years apart, and I thank God for him everyday! She was told she would never have any children!
I dunno how you are handling it, but you are a better person than I would be in your situation! Panic attacks and all, you are a class act!
I am amazed that infidelity doesn't happen more often. If it weren't for manners and etiquette, people would be copulating all over the place. I think that what would upset me more than my husband fooling around on me (he doesn't-- as far as I know) would be him spending what it does to maintain a relationship. I would be more threatened by the threat of another woman taking over my life, attempting to replace me in my children's hearts and some judge acting as if it were just some business deal gone wrong, than broken vows and screwing up his wife's and children's lives.
I am glad for you that you are staying with your dh. You'll get over and through this, but I would be watching out for other behaviours on your dh's part. Is infidelity an addiction? The possibility of getting caught and loosing that which is closest to your heart and lifestyle? A lawyer friend and I were talking and he has seen infidelity as a sign of an addiction, people who go see him, get back with their spouses and another addiction sprouts up. It's not happening because you are a good wife; it's happening because he may have an addictive personality. He's better off getting a thing for Bungi jumping or white water rafting than screwing around. Then at least if he gets hurt he won't be passing on a broken body part to you as opposed to potentially passing on an STD!
If his former other lady is smart, she'll quit taking calls from you both and move on. I wonder if she attracts married men without realising it.
That Authuritis sounds terrible! I get symptoms when the weather gets really cold. That's enough for me-- I don't know how you manage. Amazing bowling, BTW!
I am praying for you!
Thanks Tea, I put on a brave face today and went to work. I could wait to get home today.
Carie and Jamie...big hugs to you both. Just thinking and praying for your ability to cross over these mountains you are both on.
Jamie I understand the torment of Traverling arthritis!!! I agree it is a real pain in the butt when you never know what and where it is going to hurt next. I don't have the lupus side of things but I have very similar symtoms. My work is also going through a baby boom. It is really frustrating when you see that the women that are pregnant are in horrible relationships.
:bigarmhug: In light of all you are going through, you still amaze me on the strength you have for other people as well. Thank you so much for your kindness. I know what you mean about the tatoo. I finally, after many years of debating, decided to go ahead and get one. Mine is a green and purple cross on my right ankle. It symbolizes my faith and love for GOD and my committment to a better life. When you are ready, I would love to see yours!!! I hope you have a Blessed Easter and as always, I am thinking and praying for you and Trey( I always get the spelling of your's and MC's mixed up) LOL.
I hope that your day with your Mom went well today. I am praying for you and your family and what an amazing journey you have all overcome. I wish I could say it will get easier, but in light of everything, each day you have with her is such a wonderful gift. I am so glad she has come as far as she has and alot of that is owed to you and your family for your committment and dedication to her and the care she needs. May God continue to bless you!! ((HUGS))
I think what you are doing is smart. I would have insisted on getting the bedroom, though! LOL Dh used to travel all the time. When he came home, I was horrid about feeling like he wanted to just have sex and that was it. So. . . when he came home, he'd stay up and fiddle around on the computer and sleep in the living room and the next day we'd adjust and I'd look foreward to seeing him again.
Courting is something that shouldn't stop when you get married. Dh and I just had our first night ever away by ourselves sans kids (he married me with three children) and we had the first normal sex since we were single and we had a few hours to ourselves as the kids were in school and one of us got over to the other's house. He didn't act like I was a sure thing and I was impressed by his planning for our night. It's good.
I think that you and your dh's experience illustrate why marriages that have what you have had happen often get better than they ever were. You start to think about what went wrong, the pitfalls of indifferene setting in and a million other details and you learn how to make it better.
I hope your headache is better. Boy, DH and I had a line outside of our door today with kids. Probably not as long though, since there is only 5! Mainly the three girls. Two fighting and the oldest saying can Kathaleen come in?
During conferences my kids teachers say how behaved they are, and I said you have the right names? I guess if they listen to others we must be doing something right.
I don't know what to say, but to send hugs, and remember to take care of yourself!
As long as they misbehave with me and not in school or at grocery stores, I don't get too upset.
My moody, intense child was described as "spunky" by four teachers-- the other two called her other words that mean the same thing. I didn't act shocked or embarrass her even though I was blown over. Maybe I will set up my house to look like a classroom?
The way you handle Mr White is to tell your child in front of him that you don't like the leering way in which he looks at your child and that he is a dangerous man. Get on the offence. Don't do anything that could get you sued, but implications will scare the hell out of him. Don't wait for this to happen again-- next time he tries to get too nosey with your kids, call the cops and tell them that you think he was trying to get your kids alone and tell them that you do not want him around your children. That will get back to him. Don't avoid him-- look him in the eye and be victorious. He is playing mind games. Play back and win.
What he is doing is a tactic that some molesters use, trying to act like a safe adult, suggesting that something may be wrong with you so when they hit preteen years and natural fights with Mom make him someone to run to. . . tell him that you aren't fooled and you know his game.
Jamie & Katy~
Just wanted to give you both extra special Easter hugs today. You both are never far from my thoughts.
I love that song you posted. One that makes me think of you, Lady K and Trey and send good vibes to you all is Eric Clapton's, "Will You Know My Name [When I See You in Heaven?]"
Giant hugs to you today!
Jamie, I too love that song, it's so beautiful and always makes me think of all our special babies/children. I know that I don't have much time to post, or even read as much as I would like, but you are never far from my thoughts. Sneding lots of love to you & Trey and special angel love to Keiran
Jamie, Sending you big hugs. I understand your lening on your husband for everything. Somedays I wonder if I would eat or drink if it wasn't John.
Love that tat, Jamie! Very nice design and thoughtful!
I'm glad you posted it Jamie! It's beautiful! BTW~I love Trey's pic in your siggy. What are the puppy's names?
HUGS to you KatyCat! Holidays are so rough at these times.
Take as much time as you need to heal.
I would not give my credit card number out for that diet. They should be telling what to do and then send you a check.
As for the hygiest, I think even if a 2 by 4 hit her she may still try to talk. In the office I got to there are two or three, if you like the dentist maybe you can ask if you can have a different person clean your teeth. I would also tell the dentist why your leaving. You may not be the only one she does this to. If no one complains then she will think people don't mind.
That slide show must have been a very special moment for you and Trey. Hugs!
Tea, I have had mirgrains from at least the age of 10. The doctor hoped with the start of my cycle that they could stop or get worse. They have stayed the same, I just learn to manage them better. He did say some woman start them around menopause. When did your's start. I find a big trigger is not enough of protein along with some food allergies, seasonal allergies, and stress. I take a protein shake every morning, this gives me the extra protein my body seems to need with out all of the calories. I could never eat enough food without supplements for my body.
I want to say I don't think your a horrible mother. PPD is horrible, I have a good friend who also only has one child and had it very bad. She has a lot of health problems, so she decided to not have anymore. So, I remember how horrible it was. She would call me at 1 am and was in the corner in a ball. I came over a few times to just help her take care of her and her baby. I couldn't do to much since my DS1 was only 4 months old.
I really feel God will let you know if he wants to send you another blessing! You will not be able to shake this feeling. I had the opposite situation, I wondered if I would ever feel done. I will be 36 and I feel done, but I have 5 kids. I love babies and I love my children, but I want to enjoy them and not always saying no I can't do that being pregnant or with a new baby.
My thought is if your husband is ok with it and your willing to go through it again, just check with your Dr. about the meds, and what he/she thinks. I know many mothers in their forties with babies, so you will not be alone! My one friend had her last one at 47. Her son was completely healthy and is in HS. Her granddaughter in just 6 months behind him! She said her older kids were a big help. With having my first four in 4 years, I was worried about the 5 one, but with a span of 4 years it was amazing. My older ones really help with Kathaleen. They are like mother's helpers. I needed to wash my RV and get it packed for camping and they took care of her very well. I don't expect them to always do it, but it is nice to say can you watch her so I can take a shower or get a bathroom clean. I am sorry this post is so long, I just wanted to share my thoughts with you.
Let us know what happens!
My protein absorbtion has been way down. I can't believe you hit the proverbial nail right on the head. We are in the vegetarian time of fasting right now and I have a hard time getting protein in. That has to be it.
Lynn says things so well. And remember, God doesn't always want us to do the difficult things. You are nearing the end of your biological clock and perhaps you hear it buzzing and you are subconciosly considering, "Either now or never. . ." (Imagine two moms from Large Families helpig you reach a no conclusion!)
You are looking at your options as you are probably within ten years of menopause, you are making an informed choice. If only people went into having children with such thought!
Jamie~The slideshow is wonderful. The music is very fitting. Keiran is so beautiful! Thank you for sharing.
Jamie - the slideshow is beautiful. I think it's wonderful that you have so many beautiful pictures of your family to save and hold dear.
Jamie, she's beautiful! Thanks for sharing with us. :bighug:
Jamie, I'm in tears here. Thank you for sharing your beautiful pictures. You have been and will remain in my prayers :comfort:
Your sweet daughter melts my heart. What lovely photographs and a touching dedication you created! Dear Keiran is blessed.
This is from Dancing with the Moon: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1584793953/sr=8-1/qid=1145822455/ref=pd_bbs_1/103-8107554-7810232?%5Fencoding=UTF8 . It's the sequel to Pistoulet. I hope the publisher & author won't mind me quoting them directly here. I love the book, sappy as it is. The main character, Madamoisel J had a romantic issue, but her heart was broken and I realised that it didn't matter just how that mattered. It's about the spirit of healing for grief, no matter what it's source.
Tear Bottle Ceremony
For those who wish to keep alive the spirit of a lost love one
When grieving over lost love, collect the sacred tears of sorrow in a beautiful vessel. Lace the vessel with a satin ribbon, and wear around your neck until the grief eases. Then take the vessel of tears and ury it in a place of great importance.
When my grandmother died, the minister told me about this, but he told me about keeping the tears and putting them on wounds. He said that the body made hormones to heal in the tears. I colleted them in a perfume sample bottle (I got three at her funeral!) and I swear, they worked!
Jamie, thank you for sharing Kieran's slide show. My tears can't compare to yours, but please know she is loved and missed by many others.
Jamie you sweet little angle is just so prescious. I think about you, Trey and Keiren every day. The photographer you choose is just amazing!
Thank you for letting us see that wonderful slide show! I knew clicking on it I was going to cry, those pictures are so beautiful! My heart just aches for you so much. As I have said before I just look at her and she looks like a little doll. Her skin looks so white, just like an angel.
Hugs to you!
Jaimie.. i was in tears at the first line of the song. My heart is aching for you...
You are contantly in my thoughts!!
thank you for sharing the most beautiful angel i have ever seen
Jamie that slide show was beautiful! :bighug:
Jamie~ Your slideshow is just perfect for such a perfect Angel. Thank you for sharing it with us.