This whole post is all about sacrifice and beware, I whine a lot in this one.
I woke up and was in a great mood, had some loving with my DH, and then took a shower. During my shower, my mood went from great to terrible and I should have stayed in bed today.
First I was frustrated that I couldn’t decide which nights to come home this week… I seriously hate working out of town and sleeping on a friends couch during the week. I hate that it is even a flipping possibility. I want to work closer (hell closer) to home, and I want to be home each night… with my DH, and with my boys. I miss them incredibly during the week. This weekend I have to work an extra day because it is Commencement Day for the university I work at and I have to work.
This all boils down to: I have a ton of work to get done, I have of homework to get done prior to Saturday morning since I will be busy with commencement all day, and the friend I stay with during the week… well her house isn’t exactly conducive to me doing homework. She has 6 month old twins, and a 3 and 5 yr old, and 2 teenage sons, and then throw in her, her husband, and the live in nanny. As much as I am grateful she allows me to stay over, I sometimes would prefer to be in my home so once kids go to bed (again, much earlier at my house than hers), I could actually get something done.
The flip side of this is that I measured a trip the other day… the one way commute for me to come to work is $19.50 (with gas presently at 4.15 a gallon) and 1 hour and 45 minutes if there is light traffic. So basically in a day this would be just under $40 a day and 3.5 hours worth of driving. Then add in my daily toll of $5 for the bridge, not to mention wear and tear on the car, tires, and constant oil changes and more expensive insurance because that comes out to a bit over 1100 miles a week if I drive back and forth daily.
I actually hate that it is even an option for me to stay at her house… I want my husband to man up and agree to make some life changes to let me work closer to home. We truly can’t afford for me to come back and forth daily… I hate that we have maxed out a credit card for the difference in gas. I hate that all the pressure is on me. This move was supposed to be a one year temporary military move and then we were coming back. Hence why I kept my job… now I regret it daily. And he won’t sacrifice a single damn thing… meanwhile I am sacrificing left and right (or what feels like it).
So DH and I fought about this… again. And again. And did I mention… again? This is a fight that is never ending apparently….
I just had lunch with a friend. She told me I need to do what is right for me. Sometimes I wish I could think about only me… instead of only me, and DH, and the kids, you know?
Sacrifice- I hate feeling as if I am the only one sacrificing. And I know some sacrifice is so my kids can have a good life, but if I am never there to see it, it is hard to feel good about it.
I am reading this book: http://thelovedarebook.com/ with my best friend. We have decided to try this approach for the next 40 days and see how things go. We carpool and often we find ourselves lamenting over what is going on at home in our crazy lives. She heard about this book and decided we would give it a try, together, and hold each other accountable.
Today is day one. I will post a picture of today's dare. Um, it is almost 2 pm and I have managed to keep up my "dare" for the entire day. I know there will be some eye-rolling because some of you have got to be thinking "how hard is it to be positive toward your husband all day?" Well, for me, sometimes it is hard.
I am planning on taking this project seriously... and will be trying to report in on how I am doing. I have even read tomorrow's dare since I am going home tonight and then coming back in the morning and won't be home until Saturday night so I wanted to make sure I did not miss anything.
Woo whoo! I am so excited for both you and your friend. When you have time, watch the movie Fireproof if you haven't. This book really has changed my marriage.
We have a date to watch it tomorrow night!!!!!!!!!!!! My best friend and I are going to watch it when kids go to bed tomorrow night. I will let you know how it goes.
Day one was a bit tough, I guess I can be a more negative person than I thought. But, I DID IT! I did not say one negative thing to DH. We text constantly through out the day and I had a few rocky moments where I was tempted to say un-nice things but I managed to stop myself and turn my thoughts into a more positive direction.
I worked about 10 hours yesterday and then I drove home to have dinner with my DH. We went out to a sports bar and had nachos and a beer together and then ice cream for dessert. It was so nice to have a date together before our kids come back this weekend. Then we went home, and had some love, and he went to bed. I stayed up for a bit reflecting on the day and how good I felt about things. About him, and me, and about the us. I expressed patience and was so proud of myself.
Day two was only a little challenging and that was because I forgot that kindness expects nothing in return. I got up early and made DH a carrot juice smoothie for breakfast. He did not like it and it kind of hurt my feelings but I didn't say anything. Then even though I was running late for work, I stayed at the house for a bit longer and folded a load of laundry for him and left him a love letter on his ipad. Even though he didn't notice the kind things I did, it made me feel better about myself. I know I can be kind.
I am now looking forward to tomorrow's dare.
Today, I bought DH a special magnet with a saying that we have discussed in the past, and a special card. A just because card. It was actually a really hard thing for me to do today's because I had to make a trip to a store on purpose to buy something. I couldn't decide where to go or what to get. I did end up picking out his father's day gift at the same time. I got him a juicing book. I know he will appreciate that one as we have been juicing a lot. Had I been thinking more clearly, I would have got him Benise tickets for an upcoming show he has expressed desire in.
Here is the one for tomorrow.
Ugh, I worked on our budget today. I wasn't suprised but was frustrated to find that DH has been eating out a lot and spending additional money at grovery store other than our weekly shopping trip. We have spent all but $25 of our grocery money for the month. Yup.. with two weeks left to go. And I figured out we have spent $359 in gas in the past 15 days. That actually puts us a little below what I had figured since last months gas bill was almost $900. Maybe this month we can keep it under $800, but I am not counting on it.
Um, today was a ditch work for a bit day. It was great ditching work. My boss and I have been having a stressful week which will wrap up after commencement tomorrow, but needed a break today. We worked for a few hours in the am and then headed out. We went to a furniture store and window-shopped. We found some comfy chairs and sat and talked about work and stuff. It was nice but the day had some weirdness as well. Then we ran by the post office and picked up a package. Then we went to the pound. We played with every single dog and then all the cats. There were SO many pit bulls. I feel so bad for them, this pound has to euthanize the animals if they are not adopted. Then we went to a Korean place for lunch. Um, yeah, that was interesting. There was fish eye balls. I ordered chicken. It was interesting. I ate some of it, but probably wouldn't go back for seconds. LOL. I guess I am not that in love with it. My stomach ended up not liking it at all. Then I left work early and babysat for my best friends kids so she could go out to dinner. I had a great time... we made pizza. Then I gave the girls a bath and was "taught" how to wash them, shampoo hair, blowdry hair, and pick up girl jammies. I am always around boys, so it was a ton of fun to hang out with the girls. The twins slept the entire time... though I have doubts they will sleep through the night tonight because of it.
All in all, a good day. I didn't finish my term paper due Sunday night. I wish I had...
Tomorrow is commencement... very long day working from 7am to 4 pm in heels and trying to make sure event goes well. Then driving 2.5 hours home and changing clothes for the Tops in Blue show. Then I am sure I will pass out......... exhausted. Sunday my babies come home........ I cannot wait.
Good thinking on the love dare. Did you see Fireproof yet? I am so excited to watch how this is going to change your marriage :)
I haven't, I am thinking I will be able to tomorrow. I really need to write a long post. A lot has happened since my last post.
Originally Posted by ShiningLight
We watched Fireproof... wow.