One day at a time

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Joined: 03/16/15
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One day at a time

Not sure about this title, we'll see how it fits...

I've been meaning to start a journal for weeks now. I started off with a ttc journal, then pg journal, and now I figure its time to go with a general journal. To introduce myself to anyone who is actually reading this, I have 3 children, Andrew(6), Hannah(3), Abigail (8 weeks). I'm married to a wonderful man named John. My family is everything to me. I also work a full time job. It's not a career but it has good benefits and pays the bills. I work 4 days a week, 2 11 hour shifts, a 10 hour shift and an 8 hour shift (odd, I know). Since I've come back from maternity leave I've been working late night so I am home more in the evenings (sleeping during the day).

Some days I wonder if I have ppd. I'm fine most of the time. But I have these moments where suddenly I just feel awful, sad, hopeless. It will pass, sometimes after a few minutes, sometimes it takes longer. And even when I'm happy I feel like there is something holding me back, like I can't fully enjoy the moment. I also think about death a lot lately. NOT in a suicidal way or anything like that. In fact quite the opposite. I'm worried that I will die, worried that a loved one will die, worried that I won't go to heaven. In the first few weeks after Abby was born, these thoughts consumed me. I've gotten better slowly though. I haven't been obsessing about it. Right now I can't stand to read a story or watch a tv show where someone dies. Its just too much for me to handle. I've thought about seeing a dr, I probably should. I always manage to talk myself out of it though. Since I'm fine most of the time, its hard to make myself make that call. And I don't really want to talk to anyone about it. They can't change that eventually we all die, they can't guarantee that I'll go to heaven. I just have to calm down and accept that, and I think slowly I am. I would like to control those moments of sadness though. I'd really like to feel truly happy again. I don't want to be put on meds though. On top of the fact I can't remember to take medication, I don't want to have to stop nursing. I think that would make me far more depressed. So for now I'm just taking it one day at a time.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Ok, so I've thought about deleting my original entry about 100 times since yesterday. I don't know why I'm so nervous about having all of that "out there". I'm leaving it though because its the truth, no matter how much I don't want to admit it. I need to talk to DH about it. I thought about having him read this journal, but I'd rather talk to him in person. The problem is, everytime I go to talk about it, I feel fine. Then I start thinking how silly I will sound talking about this when I'm fine. Its not until the bad moments hit that I think about telling him again.

Today is like my Friday at work, yay! I wanted to get some friends together for a girls night out this week, but now I'm not sure. I'm really tired and I think I would rather catch up on some sleep. I definately want to do the girls night soon though.

DH told me tonight that he needs to get some alone time. I completely understand that and offered to take the kids out for a bit tomorrow night, or to let him go fishing alone. Then he said nevermind its not important. But I know it is. I know how I get if I don't get a bit of time to myself here and there. I don't want him to get all stressed out. I wish he would just tell me what he needs.

I'm also trying to lose weight right now. I still have 40lbs left over (well 36 now) from when I had Hannah. I'm losing it little by little. I'll be happy to be at an "average" weight again.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Well, I finally talked to DH about feeling depressed. We didn't really talk about it a whole lot. I told him I think I might have ppd. He asked why. I told him because I have moments where I feel really sad and depressed and it happends several times throughout the day. He told me to call the dr. I told him I will, but I wanted to tell him first. Then he cracked a joke about Tom Cruise. (Which may sound inappropriate to others, but it was fine, awhile back we got into a big discussion about the whole Tom Cruise thing where my pregnant emotion butt overreacted so its a joke between us now). Now the only thing I'm waiting for is to make sure that my insurance didn't get messed up. I forgot to pay it while I was on maternity leave, it's paid now and I *think* everything is ok, but am waiting until I'm sure to make a dr appointment.

Even before I told DH that, he's been very loving toward me lately. I'm really enjoying feeling close to him, and feeling so well loved.

Hannah had her first real haircut yesterday (her first unofficial haircut was when she grabbed a pair of scissors and cut her OWN hair). I finally gave in and let them trim her hair and give her bangs. My family has been bugging me for over a year now to get her hair cut, but I love her long hair. Its still long, but now with the bangs its not so much in her face.

Never did go for that girls night out. I just have to get up the energy for it. I really wanted to go to comfest too, but again sleep won out. Its not that I'm not getting enough sleep, its just that I'm always tired anyways.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I feel kind of like I'm in a fog, and waiting for it to lift.

I had a long talk with Stephanie last night, that felt really good. I just wish we lived closer.

Took Andrew to a birthday party tonight. It was his best friend from Kindergarten. They haven't seen each other since school let out so they were excited to see each other. One of these days I'll get my house cleaned up enough again to feel comfortable inviting his friend over. The problem is I get the house cleaned up enough, but its a huge mess again before I can even call to invite him!

Abby has a bumbo now. She loves sitting in that thing, although her head still tires out after a short amount of time. That baby would be happy all day long as long as she is sitting up and able to look out and see the world. (Oh, and as long as someone is talking to her).

I've gotta work with both Andrew and Hannah on their bedtimes. John tends to let them stay up later than they should and lets them sleep with him, because he is too tired to fight with them to get them to sleep in their own beds. Problem is they are a lot less cranky when they go to bed on time and sleep on their own. I'm going to work at getting their bedtime routine done before I go to work, except on my earlier days. I think that should help.

One more day after this and I'm off work. The week goes by really quick when I'm on nights. Sometimes I feel like time is flying too fast though, my babies are growing up so quick!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Good news from work, I got a nice sized perfect attendance bonus, AND I don't have to work on the 4th (was originally my holiday for the year, but someone volunteered to take it). I'm still working the night of Red, White and Boom, but I'll take what I can get.

DH's boss' MIL died last Saturday. He works for a small company, and the MIL owned part of the company and her house is on the same property as their warehouse, so he knew her, although not well. I went to the showing with DH on Thursday. Then I had nightmares that night. I really hate funeral homes. I feel bad for DH's boss' wife. The death was totally unexpected and I think when things calm down its going to hit her hard.

On to a better subject, we took the kids to the Zoo yesterday. Abby was happy in her sling, I just had to make sure she could see what was going on around her. DH even wore the sling for awhile, I love that I have a husband who isn't afraid to carry his infant in a pink girly sling Smile Hannah and Andrew had a lot of fun, although they were upset because the play area was just too crowded for them to play in.

Went to a parade this morning. Abby's first. She was not impressed. The only thing she cared about was when the bands would go by and make a loud noise. She didn't like that much. She fell alseep towards the end. She was quite cute though. Andrew and Hannah got a TON of candy. I think some of it may have to disappear...

I had a real hard time sleeping last night. Normally on my nights off I can get to sleep by at least 2. Last night I was wide awake at 5. Finally fell asleep around 6. Got up at 9 for the parade, went back to sleep around 11, and got up again closer to 4. Feeding Abby in between there of course.

3 1/2 hours and I can go home and back to my baby and my bed. During an 11 hour shift 3 1/2 hours seems like no time at all.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I think I'm doing better, then I start doing worse. I've noticed my waves of sadness are accompanied by unidentified anxiety. I feel like I screwed something up, or forgot something important, but can't figure out what it is.

Took the kids to the farmers market today. We all had fun. Got stopped every 2 feet by strangers wanting to look at Abby. Abby loved it, the little ham Lol Hannah was a bit moody but enjoyed it all the same.

I joined po's biggest loser challenge. I'm excited to have some motivation. Since I'm part of a team, I'll feel guilty I mess up everyone elses chance at winning, and I think that will help me in a good way.

DH is actually getting serious about losing weight! I've been worried about him, part of my anxiety I think but its not without reason. I love him just the way he is but I want us both to be around for a good long time, and I want him to take better care of himself. I've been helping by cooking meals that are both good for us and actually TASTE good. I lost another pound, and DH lost 5lbs! Woohoo! He's even tracking what he's eating on sparkpeople.com I'm proud of him Smile

After having 4 days off I do not want to be back at work. I want to be home with my baby. Doesn't help that I freak out all the time about whether Abby is ok. I've always been scared of SIDS though, thats nothing new.

I go on vacation soon! I work a full week this week, then the next work week I work for 2 days, then I'm off for 7. Kings Island on the 23rd. I can't wait! Neither can DS. He knows exactly when we're going. I'm hoping they give us our tickets soon. I hate that they always wait until the last minute. (Its a company picnic type thing).

I've been cramping a lot and had a major chocolate craving the other night. I think maybe my first AF is on the way.

One of these days I'll win the lottery and life will be good. Yeaaah right.

My life is good anyway. I just want to stay home!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

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oops

Joined: 03/16/15
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I am the queen of weird dreams. I wanted to put them in my journal so I can look back later and wonder at what a freak I am, lol.

First one: I have GOT to stop reading celebrity gossip! I was pregnant again, and ready to pop even though Abby was only 2 1/2 months old. It actually occured to me at some point in the dream that it didn't make sense but some how I rationalized it out that I could be full term. Tom Cruise (yes, Tom Cruise) made me come over to his house and had me sort of trapped there so I would give birth there. His mother was there? So was Katie Holmes although not until towards the end. My family was there but I was kept apart from them. I was scared and couldn't find a way out. Then I started freaking out about giving birth there because I remembered the pain I felt with Abby. Finally I told them I wasn't going into labor anytime soon anyhow so the might as well let me go. Katie Holmes came out and told me how they couldn't get pregnant. I asked if she was going to try to adopt or anything and everyone got this weird expression on their face and then I asked if they were trying to steal my baby. Tom Cruise said well yeah that was the plan! Since I wasn't going into labor they let us go and we all got in the car to leave. They stopped us on our way out though and had DH and I out of the car to leave when, get this, MICHAEL JACKSON comes along and tries to steal Abby to give to them! We freak out and run back and at first we thought he got her and I'm hysterical but there's Abby still snug in her carseat along side Andrew and Hannah. That was the end of the dream. What a freak show.

Another dream I had my boob practically exploded with milk. Milk was just pouring from it like it would from a gallon sized jug. I was freaking out and started grabbing bottles to try to catch the milk because I hated to waste it all, but I couldn't figure out why it was happening or how to stop it. Abby was upset because she wanted to eat but obviously it was too much for her. I woke up engorged because Abby had slept longer than usual, and she was crying because she had woken up and wanted to eat. Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out how THAT dream happened, lol!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Well........

Whats been up with me... Our anniversary was last Thursday. We went to dinner at Red Lobster and had a really nice time. Went to Kings Island on Sunday. Got to meet up with Pam again, and got to meet her hubby this time. That was lots of fun Smile He little boy is so adorable. I wish she could have stayed longer though!

Finally saw the dr yesterday. First off, this is a new dr and so far I REALLY like her. She knows I'm bf-ing and took that into consideration on everything. I've had horrible back pain lately and she thinks it has to do with me working an office job and being at the computer all day. She gave me some excersises to help, and wants me to start walking more. There were med's she could give me but the stuff that I can take while bf-ing wouldn't even be worth it.

She also diagnosed me with PPD, which I pretty much figured I had. She offered Zoloft but wants me to really think about it before I go that route. She likes to avoid meds as much as possible with bf-ing moms. Her point with the Zoloft is that while its been proven safe in the short term, how do we know if it doesn't effect the baby further down the road? What about when they get into the first grade? She pulled up some research for me while I was there and I'm going to do some more on my own. In the mean time I'm going to get counseling. I have to jump through hoops with my insurance first though. WTF is up with that? It was hard enough for me to admit that I needed help in the first place, now they're going to make it harder for me to get help? Whatever. Apparently I really worried the dr though because after I got home she called and asked if it would be ok for her to speak with DH. I said it was fine and she called just to tell him what was going on I guess. I really don't feel like I'm that bad off, I just want to be happy again, you know?

Ok, well thats it for now.

Oh, and I'm going back to a day shift at work, which I know will make Stephanie happy Wink I should be able to go back to days in a couple of weeks. My only worry is pumping enough, since right now I work while Abby is sleeping. I'll miss being home for more of Abby's feeding but at least I'll be getting more sleep, and that should make me a lot less irritable than I am now.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I can't believe but I have actually considered leaving the site. I am SO tired of people expecting everyone to walk on eggshells so that they aren't offended. They are so insecure with their own decisions or are having trouble dealing with their own guilt so they expect us to not state our beliefs or be proud of our accomplishments because it might upset them. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH. I am so damn sick of it.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Ok well I am feeling better following my last post. Guess I just needed to vent. Its world breastfeeding week and everyone seems to want to fight about people signatures, and even whether there SHOULD be a WBW. Whatever.

Was sooo sick last week. I hate summer colds. Feeling better now but still trying to get past the coughing part.

Work has been a complete PITA, like bang your head into a wall type PITA. Basically we took over a bunch of stuff and now are fumbling our way through trying to figure it out. Not fun, especially when people get mad at you for not knowing something that you've never learned. Right now some co-workers have the tv on REALLY loud. I told them its ok but now its really starting to irk me. Its going to be awhile before I can go back to days. Grrr.

DH is now a SAHD. We'll see how long that lasts, lol. He usually goes nuts when he stays home. He gets bored too easily. I'm really hoping he takes care of most of the housework though. I find it so exhausting to try to keep up on the days that I work, and it sucks to give up most of my days off to catch up. If he can just keep on top of the housework on the days I work it won't be so bad on my days off, and then on those days I won't ask him to do anything.

This time of night is the hard time. I just want to crawl into bed. Only 4 1/2 more hours until I'm off. Not so bad when you consider I've already been here for 6 1/2.

I think we might go swimming tomorrow. Basically I go home, sleep for a few hours, get up and go swimming, then come home and sleep again. Not as good as 8 straight hours of sleep but I do love to swim. I wanted to go today, which would have been easier, but DH didn't want to. Oh well. Tomorrow will be just as fun if we go.

I've been feeling so good this past week. I still have my moments but its definately been better. The stuff I seemed to be obsessing about has been almost non existent. Thats a huge relief. It still bothers me a bit but I don't spend all day blocking it from my mind either.

It helps that Abby has just been the cutest thing lately. She's laughing and babbling and smiling and cooing and its just fun. I could lay there and talk to her for hours so she'll "talk" back. She is so happy if someone just pays attention to her. Even if she THINKS someone is paying attention to her she grins.

Andrew starts school so soon. I have to go register him THIS week, man I JUST realize that the 8th is this week. He goes back on the 23rd. Gotta go get him a bookbag and lunchbox. School lunches are just outrageous IMO, $2.25 a day! And knowing my picky little eater he's only actually eat the food once or twice a week. So I'm sending his lunch, unless its a pizza day, I'll let him have the pizza a treat. Man he's growing up so quick.

Hannah has been saying hilarious things lately. Normal stuff that just sounds hilarious coming out of her 3 1/2 year old mouth. Can't think of anything specific right now, but she does it all the time.

Guess thats it for now!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I woke up today in a FOUL mood. Nothing to do with PPD, still doing good in that department. I was just grumpy and irritable and the world was making me mad.

DH seems to be doing ok with the staying at home. He gets to go fishing a lot because of the way my schedule works, and that makes him happy. He loves to fish and I love that it makes him happy. I did get a bit upset tonight though. I was already in a bad mood, so it wasn't hard to upset me. DH fished basically right up until I had to leave for work. I made dinner for us (kids had already eaten), had the dinner set and everything ready at 7:40 because he'd said he was heading home at 7:30. Ok, so I didn't tell him whether or not I was making dinner at 6:30 and letting him heat it up, or whether I was going to wait for him. But I DID wait for him and around 8 I finally gave up and ate alone because I knew I needed to get ready for work. He finally got home at around 8:20. I hate eating alone, it just makes me feel, well, lonely. So I was upset. Now he thinks that I am tired of him going fishing so much and he feels bad about it. I wish I could better explain that for one, I was already in a bad mood, and for two, it wasn't the fishing, it ws that he wasn't home for dinner. *Sigh* Hopefully he'll understand better tomorrow Sad

Someone stole Andrews plant and I'm highly pissed off about it. Long story short: He brought the seed home from school this past spring, spent all spring and summer growing it with the help of DH, it got to be about 4 1/2-5ft tall (one of those huge sunflowers), the top was starting to flower just this past week. Someone actually dug the damn thing up and took it. After all that hard work my DS put into, watering, making sure it got enough sun, checking on all the time. Someone stole his plant. I'm replacing the plant with a sign that says "You stole my 6 YEAR OLD CHILD'S plant". Maybe whoever stole it will realize what a jackass they are and return it.

Hmmm, I don't think my bad mood has gone away yet. Maybe the whole thing with the plant is related to my bad mood. I seem to be in the worst mood when I bring it up.

DH's friend and his GF just broke up. They've been together a long time. I knew they had been fighting but I didn't realize it was that bad. I guess it was a mutual thing, which I guess is good. Kinda makes me sad though.

Tired tired tired. Only 3 1/2 hours to go, I get off at 7 on Saturdays now.

Later.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Another bad day today, this time though because I'm tired. Sleeping last night just did not go well. At first I laid in bed for a few hours wide awake. I finally started to drift off then SCREEEEECH BAM! A car was flying down our street and hit a parked car. It was so loud I had to go check and make sure it hadn't happened in our driveway. Got settled back in, laid awake for another hour or so, started to drift again, then the tow truck comes to get the car. Great, flashing lights and lots of noise. Finally fell asleep around 4:30-5am. Got up at 10:20 because we needed to go get Andrew's bookbag and new shoes (last day of sale). Got home and tried to nap. Nope. First couldn't sleep, then I started to fall asleep and the tow truck came to pick up the parked car. Then DH kept raising and lowering the garage door (our bedroom is above the garage). Kids started yelling. Then I had to go to the bathroom. Finally gave up. So as of right now I haven't slept in about 17 hours, only had about 5 1/2 hours of sleep, and still have another 3 hours to go before I get off work, another 4 hours before I'll be able to actually get in bed and go to sleep. I'm freaking tired!

I was told I'd be able to go back to day shift in about of month, but I've been observing some things and I think its more likely to be 2-3 months before I switch. On that note, work just really sucks at the moment.

Andrew is all excited for school. He's got new shoes, a new bookbag, and a new outfit all ready to go. Open house in Monday. We need to set up his lunch program, around here you don't send money everday, they have an electronic program where the kid uses a pin# and you put money on their account. For the most part Andrew will take his lunch but for the days that he forgets it or that he really wants to eat a hot lunch, I want him to have a bit of money available. Oh dangit, I forgot to get him a lunch box today.

Abby is rolling all over the place. She REFUSES to sleep on her back anymore. Drives me crazy worrying about her. I try not to worry too much since she can roll both ways, but its hard. We got her an exersaucer type thing (bounce bounce baby). She really enjoys it. She loves to be upright.

I think Hannah is feeling a bit left out with Andrew starting school. I'm going to make some extra trips to the park with her in the next few weeks, maybe do some art projects with her.

Man these people on my birthboard have been freaking me out. One of the ladies was on b/c AND bf-ing and still got pg with TWINS. I haven't been perfect with taking my b/c, but I'm hoping the bf-ing has helped. I'm kind of itching to take a test just to make sure. Yesterday I was all freaked out because I felt sick all day. I told Dh and, to my surprise, he said he'd be ok with it and wouldn't freak out if I were pg. As soon as we talked about it though I calmed down and came back to reality. The last several times I've been pregnant I've had spotting, nothing here. We've DTD very little and between the b/c and bf-ing there's very little chance that I am pg. I actually almost wonder if AF is on the way, I'm cramping a bit tonight (maybe be gas though, sorry for the tmi). More than that though I've had a HUGE mind consuming chocolate craving tonight! Thats not usually what I crave if I'm pg. So I am calm now and highly doubt that I'm pg, but I wish these women would stop freaking me out! LOL

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Well, I ended up taking a test just to be sure. Negative, obviously, as I'm not freaking out right now. As crazy as it seems, as much as I am NOT ready to be pg again, I was a little disappointed when I read the result.

Andrew had the open house for school tonight. So far so good on the teacher. Andrew didn't see anyone he recognized in his class, he did see his buddy in the cafeteria though.

I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping the past couple of days. I can't seem to get my mind to slow down. Its focusing on all the things I need to do and keeping me awake. Hopefully I'll get some sleep soon. I'm exhausted!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Andrews first day of school.

It's days like this that really drive home the fact that I am a parent. A mother. Not just any mother in fact, the kind of mother that walks her son to his first day of school, proudly marching him through the doors and to his class room with a heart full of both excitement and sadness at seeing her baby grow up. The type of mother who clutches her camera tightly in her hands, snapping away in the hopes of capturing this memory, which like a photograph will fade over time. On days like this I look at little baby Abby, little 3 year old Hannah, and at my ever growing son Andrew, marveling at how this little baby girl will one day be in the very same places as her brother and sister. It seems unbelievable that one day, a day that will come all too soon, it will be Abby that I am marching to school, watching walk up that sidewalk and through the doors, on to the fast lane out of childhood. She hasn't even taken her first step and yet I already feel she is growing up much too fast. I already miss how tiny her little hands and feet were coming home from the hospital. Every day she becomes more and more her own little person with her own personality, and I know nothing I can do will keep her from growing up. Even sooner my little Hannah will be entering school, no longer the innocent little girl I know now, but a young child who will learn about the planets and the dinosaurs, about friendship and heartbreak. She too will leave the safety of our home, even if only 6 hours a day, to explore the world that is out there waiting for her. The time is just flying by, and it seems the more I beg for time to slow down, the faster it goes. And so I stand on the sidelines with my camera, a proud mother watching her children grow, thankful for what time we have, cherishing every moment.

Joined: 03/16/15
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Copied from my bb:

I fell on my butt. Hard. I did one of those cartoon looking falls, feet way up in the air and coming down hard on my rear end. DH and I took the kids to the park where DH goes to fish. I was going down a steep wooden ramp on a bridge and my feet slipped out from under me. I landed so hard I thought I broke something. I was rocking back and forth on the ground in pain when I looked up and DH was STILL FISHING! I called him a not-so-nice name and he came over and helped me up. I don't think he realized how bad that was until half an hour later he realized I was still rather ticked off. He made up for it being sweet afterwards but for a little while there I really wanted to push him into the pond. I love my DH more than anything and I know he loves me too but man, sometimes he's such a, well, a typical man!

Now my hip is really hurting, its hard to find a good position to sit in. I'm pretty sure I'm going to have a nice big bruise. Guess that'll teach me to wear sandals to the park...

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

We were at the park today when tornado sirens went off. We were already on our way out so DH and I hurried up to get everything back in the car so we could get out of there (really no safe place to go if something happened, I know you're not really supposed to drive if a tornado siren goes off). Andrew heard the siren and knew it wasn't just a drill and he FREAKED out. Completely freaked out. He was just screaming and yelling and scared out of his mind. He actually yelled "I don't want to die". Those words came out of my babies mouth. I just can't get over it. I managed to get him calmed down and we only had to drive about half a mile to get out of the storm, but I can't get those words out of my head. They learned about tornados in school last year and he has been scared of them ever since, but I didn't realize until tonight just how afraid he was! I'd really like to know WHAT exactly the school told him. The only other thing I can think of is that he freaked out so badly because he associates hurricanes with tornados, and he's heard on tv and the radio about how many people died in hurricane Katrina. Strengthens my resolve to make sure he doesn't watch any tv after dinner, because thats when those type of news programs start. I still just feel awful about it Sad Going to look around and see what I can do to alleviate his fear.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Started back on dayshift Saturday. It's been interesting adjusting to waking up early in the morning. I'm doing ok falling asleep at night, but I wake up around 2 or 3 am and can't fall back asleep. Last night I had a nice sized glass of wine before bed, and I FINALLY slept the whole night through! I got about 7 1/2 hours of consecutive sleep, its been a LONG time since I've done that. Yay!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Wow, Its been awhile. I'm sleeping fine now, don't really want to get up in the morning but I'm not super tired during the day anyhow.

Andrew is doing really well in school so far, I'm eager to get his first status report to see if he's doing as well as I think he is academic wise.

With DH staying home most of the time with the kids Hannah has turned into a real daddy's girl, she always has been but even more so now. Kinda stings a bit but I have to remind myself that they are his kids too, I have to share. Probably doesn't help that lately I've had to be the "mean" mommy and enforce some rules she really doesn't like. (Like bedtime, in her own bed). Really I don't mind cosleeping with her but she is such a bedhog! When she sleeps with us I get very little sleep and end up all bruised and achy where she kicks me. I've been trying to get her to sleep in her own bed when I have to work the next morning. She usually ends up with us in the middle of the night but at l can get some sleep.

Abby is doing great, sleeps 9-10 hours a night. She's been a bit cranky the past few days, I *think* she may be teething but no teeth yet to confirm that suspicion. We will see! Dh tried to give her a tiny tiny bit of mashed potatos with comical results. She tasted it a few times then stuck her tongue out until I wiped it off her tongue. Definately not ready for solids!

We've got all sorts of home improvment projects going on. Thanks to the dog we had to rip up the carpet in Andrew room. All we can do for the time being is put an area rug down, eventually we'll be putting down wood flooring but we're not ready for that yet. DH is getting ready to tear up the laminate in the kitchen and put tile down, and after that he will do the bathroom. We're also getting ready to replace our patio doors, we found french doors for a pretty cheap price, and DH can install them himself (he's done it before). I'm almost afraid of what our house is going to look like the next few weeks!

We had such a LONG day last friday. Ig ot up, took Andrew to school, came home, got Hannah and Abby dressed and we took DH to the eye doctor, left there and went to the bank, then went to my work for a fundraiser. Took the kids around to see everyone (Abby decided she does NOT like strangers anymore)... then we went home, I fed Abby on the comfort of our own couch, then we left again, picked up Andrew, went to the library, then to Petland to let Andrew and Hannah see the animals, then to Joann fabrics, then the grocery store for dinner, then home again, had dinner, then I went to the gas station. Jeez!

I've taken up crosstiching (hence the trip to Joann's). I'm making a baby blanket, its pretty cute I think, we'll see how it looks when I'm done with it, lol.

I'm pretty shaken up, our April board, my no-drama everybody gets along, had an account banned today. I just don't understand why this user did what she did. I'm upset because I told my DH about her, we'd even talked about her on more than one occasion. What is wrong with people? *Sigh* Trying not to let her get me down. I'm just trying to turn it into a reminder that sometimes even when you think you know someone, it turns out you don't.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Wow, I really have been slacking. This was originally posted Sept 21st:

Just got back from the doctor. She seems to be just fine, her head is just a bit tender where the fracture is. He said it should be healed in about 3 weeks. We can actually just treat her as normal, just give her tylenol if she gets overly fussy. Unless she shows some new symptoms theres no need to even bring her in for a follow up. Thanks to everyone, its been a rough night/morning. Now that I know she's going to be ok, I'm starting to crash. DH and I are going to take turns getting some sleep. I still feel just awful that this happened, like somehow I should have been able to prevent it Sad

This is probably going to be long, so I'm going to start off with whats wrong. Abby has a skull fracture Sad

Right before I came home from work last night, DH was walking down the stairs with Abby and slipped. He lost his hold on her and she slid down his leg and then cracked her head on the tile floor. At first he thought she was ok, she was alert, her arms and legs were fine, no bumps. He thought she was just scared. He told me right before I left work, and I rushed home. He wasn't even sure if he was injured at that point, all he cared about was Abby. When I got home she still seemed ok, so I went ahead an feed her. She started to act a little unlike herself and screamed in a way unusual for her when I laid her down. Then she started to develop a HUGE goosegg. The size and shape of it made me think she had a dent in her head at first. We decided to take her to Children's hospital. We left our older two kids with my mom so we could go together. We got to the ER a little over an hour after it happened. They looked her over in triage, and decided that she seemed to be ok so far. We waited a few hours and they finally took us back to a room. It was at least another hour or so before the Dr came in. She was really fussy, wanted to be held upright and I had to walk around with her. If we laid her down she screamed this horrible scream I've never heard before. By the time the doctor came in the goosegg was actually almost gone. When the doctor felt her he said she seemed ok but he felt a soft spot where the gooseegg had been. He decided to do a CT scan just to be safe, and gave her some tylenol. The CT showed no brain injury (THANK GOD) but a skull fracture Sad Normally they would have admitted her but because by that time it had been 6 hours since the incident and aside from an apparent headache she was acting normal, they sent us home. During the night we had to wake her up every 2 to 3 hours to make sure she woke easily. This morning we have to take her to her regular doctor to follow up.

Dh feels so bad. We all keep telling him it was an accident that could happen to anyone, but I can hear in his voice that he feels awful.

The staff at Childrens was WONDERFUL. Aside from the long wait. Everyone we saw assured DH that this could happen to anyone, and that its ok. One of the nurses even told us she had that happen with her own baby. They were so good with Abby, even got her to laugh a few times despite her being so fussy.

This morning so far she's acting her normal self. Daddy is playing with her and she is laughing and smiling like normal.

As for us, I don't think our heart rates will ever go back to normal. I feel so awful that my poor baby has a skull fracture Sad

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

And now for a new update, Abby is back to normal now, except she still has a bump on her head. Doctor says that it may take months to go away. She went in this past Tuesday for her very late 4 month appointment (she's over 5 months now). She weighs 15lbs now, doing great. We can start solids whenver we're ready, which we're not.

I feel pretty stupid right now. We have "kittens" that are exactly 1 week younger than Abby. When they were a few weeks old I determined they were female and never checked again. Well yesterday DH brought up that one of them looked like a boy. I flipped it over and sure enough, its a male cat! I checked the other one and its a male cat too! OOPS. I'm happy though because at least it means they won't be having any kittens! I'll still get them fixed though so that they are not adding to the neighborhood cat population.

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