Whats been up with me... Our anniversary was last Thursday. We went to dinner at Red Lobster and had a really nice time. Went to Kings Island on Sunday. Got to meet up with Pam again, and got to meet her hubby this time. That was lots of fun He little boy is so adorable. I wish she could have stayed longer though!
Finally saw the dr yesterday. First off, this is a new dr and so far I REALLY like her. She knows I'm bf-ing and took that into consideration on everything. I've had horrible back pain lately and she thinks it has to do with me working an office job and being at the computer all day. She gave me some excersises to help, and wants me to start walking more. There were med's she could give me but the stuff that I can take while bf-ing wouldn't even be worth it.
She also diagnosed me with PPD, which I pretty much figured I had. She offered Zoloft but wants me to really think about it before I go that route. She likes to avoid meds as much as possible with bf-ing moms. Her point with the Zoloft is that while its been proven safe in the short term, how do we know if it doesn't effect the baby further down the road? What about when they get into the first grade? She pulled up some research for me while I was there and I'm going to do some more on my own. In the mean time I'm going to get counseling. I have to jump through hoops with my insurance first though. WTF is up with that? It was hard enough for me to admit that I needed help in the first place, now they're going to make it harder for me to get help? Whatever. Apparently I really worried the dr though because after I got home she called and asked if it would be ok for her to speak with DH. I said it was fine and she called just to tell him what was going on I guess. I really don't feel like I'm that bad off, I just want to be happy again, you know?
Ok, well thats it for now.
Oh, and I'm going back to a day shift at work, which I know will make Stephanie happy I should be able to go back to days in a couple of weeks. My only worry is pumping enough, since right now I work while Abby is sleeping. I'll miss being home for more of Abby's feeding but at least I'll be getting more sleep, and that should make me a lot less irritable than I am now.
I can't believe but I have actually considered leaving the site. I am SO tired of people expecting everyone to walk on eggshells so that they aren't offended. They are so insecure with their own decisions or are having trouble dealing with their own guilt so they expect us to not state our beliefs or be proud of our accomplishments because it might upset them. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH. I am so damn sick of it.
Ok well I am feeling better following my last post. Guess I just needed to vent. Its world breastfeeding week and everyone seems to want to fight about people signatures, and even whether there SHOULD be a WBW. Whatever.
Was sooo sick last week. I hate summer colds. Feeling better now but still trying to get past the coughing part.
Work has been a complete PITA, like bang your head into a wall type PITA. Basically we took over a bunch of stuff and now are fumbling our way through trying to figure it out. Not fun, especially when people get mad at you for not knowing something that you've never learned. Right now some co-workers have the tv on REALLY loud. I told them its ok but now its really starting to irk me. Its going to be awhile before I can go back to days. Grrr.
DH is now a SAHD. We'll see how long that lasts, lol. He usually goes nuts when he stays home. He gets bored too easily. I'm really hoping he takes care of most of the housework though. I find it so exhausting to try to keep up on the days that I work, and it sucks to give up most of my days off to catch up. If he can just keep on top of the housework on the days I work it won't be so bad on my days off, and then on those days I won't ask him to do anything.
This time of night is the hard time. I just want to crawl into bed. Only 4 1/2 more hours until I'm off. Not so bad when you consider I've already been here for 6 1/2.
I think we might go swimming tomorrow. Basically I go home, sleep for a few hours, get up and go swimming, then come home and sleep again. Not as good as 8 straight hours of sleep but I do love to swim. I wanted to go today, which would have been easier, but DH didn't want to. Oh well. Tomorrow will be just as fun if we go.
I've been feeling so good this past week. I still have my moments but its definately been better. The stuff I seemed to be obsessing about has been almost non existent. Thats a huge relief. It still bothers me a bit but I don't spend all day blocking it from my mind either.
It helps that Abby has just been the cutest thing lately. She's laughing and babbling and smiling and cooing and its just fun. I could lay there and talk to her for hours so she'll "talk" back. She is so happy if someone just pays attention to her. Even if she THINKS someone is paying attention to her she grins.
Andrew starts school so soon. I have to go register him THIS week, man I JUST realize that the 8th is this week. He goes back on the 23rd. Gotta go get him a bookbag and lunchbox. School lunches are just outrageous IMO, $2.25 a day! And knowing my picky little eater he's only actually eat the food once or twice a week. So I'm sending his lunch, unless its a pizza day, I'll let him have the pizza a treat. Man he's growing up so quick.
Hannah has been saying hilarious things lately. Normal stuff that just sounds hilarious coming out of her 3 1/2 year old mouth. Can't think of anything specific right now, but she does it all the time.
I woke up today in a FOUL mood. Nothing to do with PPD, still doing good in that department. I was just grumpy and irritable and the world was making me mad.
DH seems to be doing ok with the staying at home. He gets to go fishing a lot because of the way my schedule works, and that makes him happy. He loves to fish and I love that it makes him happy. I did get a bit upset tonight though. I was already in a bad mood, so it wasn't hard to upset me. DH fished basically right up until I had to leave for work. I made dinner for us (kids had already eaten), had the dinner set and everything ready at 7:40 because he'd said he was heading home at 7:30. Ok, so I didn't tell him whether or not I was making dinner at 6:30 and letting him heat it up, or whether I was going to wait for him. But I DID wait for him and around 8 I finally gave up and ate alone because I knew I needed to get ready for work. He finally got home at around 8:20. I hate eating alone, it just makes me feel, well, lonely. So I was upset. Now he thinks that I am tired of him going fishing so much and he feels bad about it. I wish I could better explain that for one, I was already in a bad mood, and for two, it wasn't the fishing, it ws that he wasn't home for dinner. *Sigh* Hopefully he'll understand better tomorrow
Someone stole Andrews plant and I'm highly pissed off about it. Long story short: He brought the seed home from school this past spring, spent all spring and summer growing it with the help of DH, it got to be about 4 1/2-5ft tall (one of those huge sunflowers), the top was starting to flower just this past week. Someone actually dug the damn thing up and took it. After all that hard work my DS put into, watering, making sure it got enough sun, checking on all the time. Someone stole his plant. I'm replacing the plant with a sign that says "You stole my 6 YEAR OLD CHILD'S plant". Maybe whoever stole it will realize what a jackass they are and return it.
Hmmm, I don't think my bad mood has gone away yet. Maybe the whole thing with the plant is related to my bad mood. I seem to be in the worst mood when I bring it up.
DH's friend and his GF just broke up. They've been together a long time. I knew they had been fighting but I didn't realize it was that bad. I guess it was a mutual thing, which I guess is good. Kinda makes me sad though.
Tired tired tired. Only 3 1/2 hours to go, I get off at 7 on Saturdays now.
Another bad day today, this time though because I'm tired. Sleeping last night just did not go well. At first I laid in bed for a few hours wide awake. I finally started to drift off then SCREEEEECH BAM! A car was flying down our street and hit a parked car. It was so loud I had to go check and make sure it hadn't happened in our driveway. Got settled back in, laid awake for another hour or so, started to drift again, then the tow truck comes to get the car. Great, flashing lights and lots of noise. Finally fell asleep around 4:30-5am. Got up at 10:20 because we needed to go get Andrew's bookbag and new shoes (last day of sale). Got home and tried to nap. Nope. First couldn't sleep, then I started to fall asleep and the tow truck came to pick up the parked car. Then DH kept raising and lowering the garage door (our bedroom is above the garage). Kids started yelling. Then I had to go to the bathroom. Finally gave up. So as of right now I haven't slept in about 17 hours, only had about 5 1/2 hours of sleep, and still have another 3 hours to go before I get off work, another 4 hours before I'll be able to actually get in bed and go to sleep. I'm freaking tired!
I was told I'd be able to go back to day shift in about of month, but I've been observing some things and I think its more likely to be 2-3 months before I switch. On that note, work just really sucks at the moment.
Andrew is all excited for school. He's got new shoes, a new bookbag, and a new outfit all ready to go. Open house in Monday. We need to set up his lunch program, around here you don't send money everday, they have an electronic program where the kid uses a pin# and you put money on their account. For the most part Andrew will take his lunch but for the days that he forgets it or that he really wants to eat a hot lunch, I want him to have a bit of money available. Oh dangit, I forgot to get him a lunch box today.
Abby is rolling all over the place. She REFUSES to sleep on her back anymore. Drives me crazy worrying about her. I try not to worry too much since she can roll both ways, but its hard. We got her an exersaucer type thing (bounce bounce baby). She really enjoys it. She loves to be upright.
I think Hannah is feeling a bit left out with Andrew starting school. I'm going to make some extra trips to the park with her in the next few weeks, maybe do some art projects with her.
Man these people on my birthboard have been freaking me out. One of the ladies was on b/c AND bf-ing and still got pg with TWINS. I haven't been perfect with taking my b/c, but I'm hoping the bf-ing has helped. I'm kind of itching to take a test just to make sure. Yesterday I was all freaked out because I felt sick all day. I told Dh and, to my surprise, he said he'd be ok with it and wouldn't freak out if I were pg. As soon as we talked about it though I calmed down and came back to reality. The last several times I've been pregnant I've had spotting, nothing here. We've DTD very little and between the b/c and bf-ing there's very little chance that I am pg. I actually almost wonder if AF is on the way, I'm cramping a bit tonight (maybe be gas though, sorry for the tmi). More than that though I've had a HUGE mind consuming chocolate craving tonight! Thats not usually what I crave if I'm pg. So I am calm now and highly doubt that I'm pg, but I wish these women would stop freaking me out! LOL
Well, I ended up taking a test just to be sure. Negative, obviously, as I'm not freaking out right now. As crazy as it seems, as much as I am NOT ready to be pg again, I was a little disappointed when I read the result.
Andrew had the open house for school tonight. So far so good on the teacher. Andrew didn't see anyone he recognized in his class, he did see his buddy in the cafeteria though.
I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping the past couple of days. I can't seem to get my mind to slow down. Its focusing on all the things I need to do and keeping me awake. Hopefully I'll get some sleep soon. I'm exhausted!
It's days like this that really drive home the fact that I am a parent. A mother. Not just any mother in fact, the kind of mother that walks her son to his first day of school, proudly marching him through the doors and to his class room with a heart full of both excitement and sadness at seeing her baby grow up. The type of mother who clutches her camera tightly in her hands, snapping away in the hopes of capturing this memory, which like a photograph will fade over time. On days like this I look at little baby Abby, little 3 year old Hannah, and at my ever growing son Andrew, marveling at how this little baby girl will one day be in the very same places as her brother and sister. It seems unbelievable that one day, a day that will come all too soon, it will be Abby that I am marching to school, watching walk up that sidewalk and through the doors, on to the fast lane out of childhood. She hasn't even taken her first step and yet I already feel she is growing up much too fast. I already miss how tiny her little hands and feet were coming home from the hospital. Every day she becomes more and more her own little person with her own personality, and I know nothing I can do will keep her from growing up. Even sooner my little Hannah will be entering school, no longer the innocent little girl I know now, but a young child who will learn about the planets and the dinosaurs, about friendship and heartbreak. She too will leave the safety of our home, even if only 6 hours a day, to explore the world that is out there waiting for her. The time is just flying by, and it seems the more I beg for time to slow down, the faster it goes. And so I stand on the sidelines with my camera, a proud mother watching her children grow, thankful for what time we have, cherishing every moment.
I fell on my butt. Hard. I did one of those cartoon looking falls, feet way up in the air and coming down hard on my rear end. DH and I took the kids to the park where DH goes to fish. I was going down a steep wooden ramp on a bridge and my feet slipped out from under me. I landed so hard I thought I broke something. I was rocking back and forth on the ground in pain when I looked up and DH was STILL FISHING! I called him a not-so-nice name and he came over and helped me up. I don't think he realized how bad that was until half an hour later he realized I was still rather ticked off. He made up for it being sweet afterwards but for a little while there I really wanted to push him into the pond. I love my DH more than anything and I know he loves me too but man, sometimes he's such a, well, a typical man!
Now my hip is really hurting, its hard to find a good position to sit in. I'm pretty sure I'm going to have a nice big bruise. Guess that'll teach me to wear sandals to the park...
We were at the park today when tornado sirens went off. We were already on our way out so DH and I hurried up to get everything back in the car so we could get out of there (really no safe place to go if something happened, I know you're not really supposed to drive if a tornado siren goes off). Andrew heard the siren and knew it wasn't just a drill and he FREAKED out. Completely freaked out. He was just screaming and yelling and scared out of his mind. He actually yelled "I don't want to die". Those words came out of my babies mouth. I just can't get over it. I managed to get him calmed down and we only had to drive about half a mile to get out of the storm, but I can't get those words out of my head. They learned about tornados in school last year and he has been scared of them ever since, but I didn't realize until tonight just how afraid he was! I'd really like to know WHAT exactly the school told him. The only other thing I can think of is that he freaked out so badly because he associates hurricanes with tornados, and he's heard on tv and the radio about how many people died in hurricane Katrina. Strengthens my resolve to make sure he doesn't watch any tv after dinner, because thats when those type of news programs start. I still just feel awful about it Going to look around and see what I can do to alleviate his fear.
Started back on dayshift Saturday. It's been interesting adjusting to waking up early in the morning. I'm doing ok falling asleep at night, but I wake up around 2 or 3 am and can't fall back asleep. Last night I had a nice sized glass of wine before bed, and I FINALLY slept the whole night through! I got about 7 1/2 hours of consecutive sleep, its been a LONG time since I've done that. Yay!