My Get Up for the Bachelorette Party
I'm on a roller coaster, only it's not any fun.
I recently promised myself that I was going to try to stop stressing about this pregnancy. I want to be able to look back and say that I enjoyed this pregnancy - as much as I enjoyed being pregnant with T. I LOVED being pregnant with T - even the GD wasn't so bad because it made me feel great to know that I was taking great care of myself and of him. Eating well for us almost became a ritual - it was satisfying. And the rest of it - squeeee! I loved my pregnant belly. I loved my maternity clothes. I loved feeling him move. I loved planning a nursery and buying all of those adorable tiny outfits. It was such a happy time in my life.
I want to recapture that feeling with this pregnancy. I want to feel that full of life and joy as I look forward to this next little one. But I think I'm traumatized by my previous loss - every cramp, every bit of spotting, everything looks like "the beginning of the end" to me.
I was actually doing a lot better recently. I think it helped that I hadn't had any spotting for about a week, and I was starting to get comfortable. But then I woke up this morning, and all of that is gone. I'm back in a bit of a tailspin.
I had a LOT of spotting this morning. Almost all of it was brown/pink with just a few streaks of dull reddish mixed in. But a lot of it - at least, that's how it seems to me. It wasn't enough to need a pad, but it was there everytime I wiped from about 6:30 am - 1:00 pm (and trust me, I wiped a LOT. I was in the bathroom roughly twice an hour every hour during that time to check and see if it was turning red or getting worse or whatever.)
I think it's going away again now. I just checked again, and there was only the faintest traces of brown. That is somewhat comforting - I think I expected it to turn into heavy bleeding, and at least that hasn't happened.
I told DH about it this morning, and he reminded me that the doctor told us that spotting was okay as long as it wasn't like a period, and wasn't accompanied by cramping. This wasn't like a period and wasn't accompanied by cramping, so DH pronounced that he believes that I am fine. I hope he's right. And then to prove to me that I'm still pregnant, he intentionally said something to gross me out and make me gag. He's a prince of a guy. LOL
I didn't have spotting with T. It just figures that the pregnancy that I was bound to be more nervous about anyway is the one that has all the scary crap like spotting. Hello Murphy. I think you dropped your law.
I'm thinking maybe I just overdid it yesterday, and that's why I spotted today. Thinking back, yesterday was a pretty active day. Yesterday morning, I was outside helping T ride his new "big wheel" tricycle. It's slightly too big even though DH moved the seat up as far as it goes, and he is also new to this whole pedaling and steering concept, so I had to keep leaning down to either straighten his handlebars to keep him from dumping himself off the sidewalk and into the street, or help him get started, or else push him uphill since his little legs aren't the strongest yet, and it doesn't help at all that he is trying to pedal with his toes. That was extremely tiring.
Then we had his birthday party, which was fun, but also slightly tiring and involved being on my feet for about 2 hours straight.
Then, we went home and I was inspired by the influx of new toys to do a much needed spring clean/reorg of T's bedroom and our living room (which doubles as his play room, since our house is smallish) so I spent several hours cleaning, sorting through drawers, putting things in boxes, carrying things up and down from the basement and up and down from our second floor, and whatnot.
I capped off my night by walking down to my parents house for a visit, and then back (not very far, but I was beat by that time.)
So yeah, if it's true that a lot of physical activity can cause spotting, I can't imagine where mine came from. :rolleyes:
I think I'm going to spend tonight sitting on my couch with my feet up.