"Whatever, you should wear it like a badge of honor. You've got like 4 diseases and you still go to work. Some people can't get out of bed when they've got the sniffles."
It's so stupid, but it cheered me up.
Talked to DH last night. It never fails to surprise me how much he has changed over the past 5 years. 5 years ago, he was questioning whether or not he *ever* wanted kids. 4 years ago he agreed to stop preventing, but I think parts of him were still questioning if kids were really what he wanted out of life. Now he totally adores our son, and he was the one that brought up having another one in the first place. But it still surprised me last night when he said that even if having another baby would take a complicated process, he would support me if that's what I wanted. In most ways, he is such a raging pragmatist, and I remember the dude that wasn't sure he ever wanted kids in the first place; I wouldn't have expected him to ever agree to "complicated."
But he also said that if I don't want to go through that, he's okay with that too. T and I are enough for him.
So, no pressure. I like that.
My plan for today is to call my GP and find out where my OB needs to send the results of my tests, and set up an appointment to go over the results and decide what, if anything, needs to be done to improve my over all health. I don't know, for example, if my thyroid levels are low enough to warrant being on medication (I can't help but hope that if that's the case, the medication will make it easier for me to maintain my weight - silly vain thing that I am to the very end) or if I should be on baby aspirin or something for the clotting disorder. My doctor mentioned that the auto-immune thing means that I'm at risk for developing lupus or arthritis later in life, but I don't know if there is anything that can be/should be done now to try to reduce those odds. These are things that I need to know from the perspective of maintaining my own health, not just from the perspective of maximizing my chances of having another baby (which is my OB's focus). So new goal - talk to my dr and find out what I need to do to get me as healthy as possible before I even think about this whole baby thing.
That is a lot of different factors to be dealing with! I love what your DH said though!
Mama to Kostas with the Mostest, born 07/10/07
and Marek "Cricket" Joshua, born 12/07/12
Your DH gets definite brownie points!
I am seriously falling apart.
I was in the pool with T on Sunday, when I noticed that my foot felt weird, like something was sort of "dragging" the water. I reached down to touch my foot, and discovered that my pinkie toenail was just hanging by a thread of skin. No idea why. I don't think I've injured it. It didn't hurt. It just straight up fell off in my hand. DH joked that I'm turning into The Fly. Awesome.
While we were at the pool, there was a little boy there that looked to be about T's age. I later asked him and found out that he was 4. It was kind of cool, because he and T started playing together. T usually doesn't just start playing with kids he doesn't know, so that made me wonder if maybe that is the result of pre-school - he is getting more used to playing with new kids.
The bad part was that it quickly became apparent that this kid was in the pool by himself. Granted, he was staying in the shallow end, and there are life guards, but still. He was only 4! I kept looking around for his mom, but couldn't find anyone in the pool or even on the side of the pool watching him that seemed to fit the bill.
Finally this kid's dad came in the pool area (don't know where he had been previously - I guess somewhere out in the gym area.) But then when they called Adult Swim and we all got out, the kid's dad was gone again. The poor little guy was just standing at the edge of the pool by himself shivering because he had no dad and no towel, so I took him back where T and I were sitting and gave him my towel. FINALLY his dad came back in again, but once Adult Swim was over and the kids could get back in, he totally stopped paying attention to his son and started reading the paper. The next time I looked up at him, he was gone again!!! I was steaming by this point. Seriously, who just leaves a 4 year old in a swimming pool without supervision??? I am guessing that maybe the dad noticed that I was keeping an eye on his son since he was swimming with my son, but this dude didn't know me from Adam, and he didn't know how long we were staying for me to babysit his kid. Finally he came back in again and I needed to leave, so I walked over to him and said "I'm leaving now, so I can't watch your son any more." Hint, hint.
Some people! It made me wish that I knew the kid's mom so that I could call her and be like "Um, just so you know, your husband (or ex, or whatever) is just leaving your kid totally unsupervised in the rec center pool for like 15 minute stretches at a time. I know! That's what I said!"
I went to my GP today. I've been going to this same doctor since I was 23 years old, and it also just so happens that she is friends with my ILs and has known my DH since he was a little boy. I've had Friday Night Dinner with her and her husband and her daughters over at my ILs house. It's nice to see someone who you know cares about you as a person, not just a patient.
The first thing that she did when she came in is give me a big hug. I had had my OB fax over my medical records, so she had all of the info about my miscarriages, my blood tests, all of it. She sat down and went through the results of my blood tests with me, answering all of my questions, and then she just talked to me about how I'm feeling. I admitted that I've been feeling pretty rotten for the past 3 months. She gave me a referal info to go talk to a "Transitions Counselor" - I guess this counselor has recently had a m/c herself, so she knows what it is like. I don't know, I'm picturing the two of us sitting on a couch sobbing together - I don't know if I am up to that right now. My Dr also gave me a prescription for a low dosage of Zoloft. She explained that a lot of times just being on an anti-depressant for even a couple of weeks can help flip the switch that lets you come out from under neath that dark cloud. I feel vaguely ashamed at needing to take medication to deal with everything, but....I think maybe I need it. Just for a couple of weeks, I hope.
She also gave me a prescription for Thyroid meds, and a referal to go see a hematologist. I have to go back to see her in a couple of weeks to check in. So, here's to hoping that this stuff works.
Well, today is the last day of Week 1 on my "meds." I've been reading up on the possible side effects of each so that I can psyche myself into believing that I am experiencing each of them...LOL
No, the main one that I am worrying about is hair loss, courtesy of the Synthroid. Because I'm vain, and hair loss would REALLY bum me out. I have nice hair. I don't want to lose it.
I was taking a shower after swimming yesterday, and at least two or three strands of hair came off in my hands. I was like "Oh great. It begins." But, in fairness, probably two or three strands get lost every time I wash my hair, I just don't normally notice because I've never had cause to worry about it before. I found another hair stuck to my cardigan this afternoon. Horrors! I lost another (single) hair!
Other than my dubious hair loss, so far I don't think I've had any negative side effects. I think I may have a bit more energy than I did before, but that's a good thing. I also feel less likely to cry at the drop of a hat.
Here's something sad though. Are you ready for this? I was reading online that you are not supposed to drink alcohol with synthroid. No red wine? Ever? I could be on Synthroid for the rest of my life. EVER? I feel like David After the Dentist. "Is this real life?" "Is this going to be forever?" "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGHHHHH"
Oh well. I'm totally trying to picture myself in a social situation saying "No thanks. I don't drink." I think I'm going to work on saying that with a mysterious little smile that manages to suggest that I'm Better Than You For Not Drinking but also If I Did Drink, You Wouldn't Even Be Able To Keep Up Because I'm That Hardcore So I'm Totally Doing You a Favor By Not Letting The Beast Out Of Its Cage.
Yeah, I think I'm feeling better.
Hmm... I'm no expert by all means but my mom has been on synthroid since I was like 2 and she has definitely drank many a glass of wine over the years... Eek! about the hair loss! I love my thick hair too and would totally freak out about that (oh and I'm vain too LOL).
Mama to Kostas with the Mostest, born 07/10/07
and Marek "Cricket" Joshua, born 12/07/12
You're too funny, Alissa. :c) The plus side to focus on is all the weight loss! You not crying at the drop of the hat probably makes the Kleenex company said, though.
Yesterday, I noticed something totally amazing.
I went to work all day yesterday, and then I went to the gym and did an hour on this machine - I don't even know what it's called - it's like the love child of a step machine and an elliptical. Anyway, got home around 6, and then cooked a decent but simple dinner (pork chops, rice, fresh green beans steamed.) During dinner, T asked to be excused to go to the bathroom, and then somehow managed to pee all over himself and the bathroom floor. I took him upstairs and cleaned him up, and then came back downstairs, finished dinner, and then cleaned the kitchen. After that, DH took T upstairs and put him to bed while I mopped the bathroom, and then did some laundry.
By this time, it was a little after 8. By that time every night, especially on a busy day like yesterday, I am completely and utterly exhausted. Like, to the point that most nights by the time I get home from work, I am mentally counting how many things I have left to do before I can pass out in bed. But last night, I felt fine. I wasn't tired. I wasn't wired at all, I just felt totally normal, like how I normally feel at nine in the morning. Just normal. It was the most amazing thing! All I can think is that maybe this is the effect of the Synthroid. Maybe it's not normal to be start dragging every day starting at about 4, and then getting progressively more and more exhausted until you are ready to drop by the time dinner is over. Maybe that was the thyroid thing. Maybe normal people feel relatively okay every day all the way until bedtime. Is that possible? I never even considered that I felt that bad or that I wasn't normal - I just thought that's what life feels like. Being tired is normal when you're a busy mom, right? But yesterday....yesterday was pretty awesome, just because it didn't suck. I'm hoping that the trend continues today. So far, so good.
Ugh. I lost my debit card. I think I left it at the restaurant that DH's sister and I went to on Friday night. SIL had done me a favor and picked up T from MIL's house and brought him to meet me at the restaurant so that I had time to go to the gym after work. DH was at a teacher's conference that night, so he couldn't do it. So I paid for everyone's dinner, and I believe that is the last time I had my card. I picked up the stupid "frequent eaters" card or whatever it's called - even though we rarely eat at that restaurant. But I left my debit card. Perfect.
I discovered my accident on Saturday morning when I went to get myself an iced coffee. DH was at his second day of the conference, so I dragged T out to our neighborhood coffee shop only to discover (after they had already poured my coffee) that I didn't have my card or any cash (I never have any cash.) I tried to use my credit card instead, but it was declined (a completely different SNAFU that I have since fixed.) Luckily, a very nice lady behind me offered to pay for my coffee since I was apparently destitute. I'll have to pay that one forward someday soon.
Since my debit card was missing and my credit card was mysteriously frozen, I went to the bank to pull out some money to live on, report my card missing, and find out what the heck was going on with my credit card. I'm due to get my new debit card in about a week, but in the meantime I am paying for things with cash. Which should be fine, right? I distantly recall a time when I used to pay for EVERYTHING in cash. I can't remember when I got my debit card - maybe 2003 or 2004? After I got my debit card, I never looked back. If a store or restaurant doesn't accept credit cards, I pretty much just don't shop there.
I went to Target with a wallet full of cash, and found out just how out of practice I am. I bought various items, and my total came to like $53 dollars and change. I pulled out 3 $20s. I remember how this works! No biggie. Here's my money. But then, the clerk hands me back this fistful of dollar bills and change, and my receipt, and now I have to get all of this money back into the appropriate parts of my wallet (paper money goes here....change goes here....) without dropping anything, while trying to get out of the way of the next person in line, carrying my shopping bags, and hanging on to T. What am I, a freaking wizard? Who has that many hands? It's a zillion times easier to slide my card back into my wallet after swiping it myself and while waiting for the reciept to print. This whole "cash" nonsense is toe up!