So, I tested again for ovulation...nope. I don't know whats going on with me, I feel kinda crampy and sick to my stomach with sore boobs...as if AF is coming...but she isn't due for another few weeks. UGH! I feel like crying and I don't know why!
Im so tired!
John left for the weekend...well for the night and all day tomorrow! It'll be good for us, but at the same time I get worried b/c he's out ice fishing...
Anyway, I have to have faith!
So I guess thats all for now...except, I wonder if I test in the morning and it was negative for O...could I get a positive later that same day? OHHHH who knows!
So John made it home safely, but not without his own frustrations (another story). I got the house all cleaned for him! It looks and feels so much better!
I just read at Fertility Friend that you shouldn't test for ovulation with the FMU because it can give an inaccurate reading...thats exactly what I've been doing! UGH...so I think tomorrow Im going to test a little later in the day...I need to buy some more tests, Im almost out and could still have 4 more days until ovulation. I don't know if I should continue buying the First Response Brand or if I should try a different brand!
Oh my....its all so confusing, and I just want to be pregnant...RIGHT NOW!
If only it were that easy! John and I are getting along so much better these days...its like we have one fight every few weeks and then it all works out and we're happily ever after...
A guy we know (S) called today and told us that he wants to help us pay for our taxes...What tha?
I don't know why, I guess cause he loves us, or something, but should we let him? Should we call him up when we get our taxes done and say, So S, we owe $xxxx, Thanks! Or should we turn him down and come up with the should-have-been-saving money somewhere else?
Its so bizarre! Anyway!
I saw a friend's baby today. The mom's name is Annalise and she is absolutely precious! Just so sweet and all...her son is William and he is gorgeous! Josh is the dad and he was telling my DH that he sees babies as a blessing and that when he is with his son, he is actually expriencing an actual blessing from God!
WOW! Do you know what John did? He agreed! Then he asked me if I told Annalise that we were trying...OMG, I love it! I absolutely love it!
Annalise invited me to her house to talk baby and she is going to pray for me to get pregnant (it seems others prayers work better than my own).
I met a girl in my CNA class that is also TTC! How cool is that? But she lives 90 miles away so that wouldn't be that great, but we could email and stuff!
Anway, its so nice to have young mommies, or mommies-to-be around!
Fertility Friend says I ovulated on CD 9. Anyway, who would've thought? So if its accurate there is a chance that we conceived a baby...small chance, but a chance still.
Today I have a bit of spotting...whatever that means...could mean that my body is SCREWED UP! Oh well, so I guess I'll just keep waiting...
Yesterday John took a nap at around 3pm and slept throughout the night until 4:30am...he got up and started his day at that time! (WHATEVER!) Then I went to bed at 2:00am and had a hard time going to sleep but finally I did and slept until 8am (I had a five hour long nap yesterday)...so whats up with our sleeping issues?
Anyway, Im keeping my fingers crossed until later and as always Im patiently waiting...
So perhaps FF is wrong and I haven't ovulated! We will see in the next few days! This is just so confusing!
To my friend, C... my sarcasm can be a little harsh, I know that. I apologize for being snotty and making a crack and your wise advice! You've have been here for me and I need you to be here for me still! Please come back to me... please....
Well Im done charting for this cycle. Things went haywire last Monday when we got the news and I didn't temp at all while we were away. Im hoping to take a hpt either Thursday or next Thursday (whichever DH will let me get by with )
So I want to take a moment to reflect on our good friend.
Ryan C.A. Hargens (07-14-80---01-30-05)
You were always such a gentleman. When John brought me home the first time you treated me as if I'd always been in his life. You told your G'ma Rose that we were serious and that you would like to have what we have. I wish for you that you could have too. Im sorry that your life was cut short. You had so much going for you. Some lady would have been blessed to have you in her life. You were always cheerful, happy, joyful. You spirit always rubbed off on me. I loved hearing stories of you and John from days past. You were his best friend, no on could ever fill your shoes. I remember camping with you...just the three of us, how silly, but how fun! I remember that you loved people...you would do anything for anyone. Im blessed to have gotten to know you...I remember that you hugged me over New Year's, referring to me like a sister. I'll never forget that.
Your family always treated John, and then me, like family. To you Ryan, your friends were family. Someday I will tell me children all about their Dad's childhood, junior high, high school, and college best friend. They will hear all your funny stories, and know that they would have loved you. I hope to name my son after you. He will be honored to have your name.
I don't understand why your life had to end so soon...I don't understand the medication's ramification. We will never forget you, we will always love you, our friend, our brother.
God Bless, Good night, until later, patiently waiting...
Well, yesterday I called the midwife (aren't you proud, Cindy ) Yeah, I just decided that thats my right! I deserve to know exactly whats going on with me! We finally touched base today and she wants me to sustain from BD for 12 days (dang it, Valentine's Day is coming up!) testing to be sure Im not pregnant (wouldn't that be funny?) she will put me on Provera for 10 days, which is suppose to provoke AF and then hopefully all the rest will work itself out!
Knowing absolutely nothing about Provera, Im a little nervous, but I want something done!
Well, today is Valentine's Day! 5 years worth of Valentine's with John!
Im suppose to see AF in two days...hopefully not, but Im not counting on it! I have a feeling she'll be sneaking around here on Thursday! If not, I am going to test! I won't until Im late, but I will do it!
OH how badly I want to be pregnant, and 2 days seems like forever!
Well today AF is due! She isn't here yet...she usually comes the night before or early in the morning when I go pee for the first time...not today. So although its not very likely, Im hoping she'll stay away!
I have to go to work later...she better not come while Im there! That would really ruin my day! John won't let me test until Im late...so if she's not here today, I'll test tomorrow.
Wouldn't that be so wonderful....to get a bfp when Im suppose to start Provera! I can't help but laugh about that! Anyway, I have my fingers crossed until later...Im waiting...
Okay, so I worked tonight! Its hard work, but Im up for it! AF still isn't here!
I want so bad to be pregnant! Im testing in the morning, if she doesn't show up by then! John wanted me to wait until Monday...
Not going to happen! Im getting up bright and early, rushing to the pharmacy, coming home and testing with FMU!!
The witch hasn't shown her ugly tricky face around here yet. I tested with EPT and got a BFN. Im officially confused, again. Im never been late and I just knew that I was going to get a positive. I guess I'll take my temp tomorrow morning, see what is says, and then wait a few more days and take another test!
I just don't understand it...why is it that women that want babies so so so much can't get pregnant and women that don't want them, get pregnant, and have abortions? Why is it that some women can get pregnant with such ease...women that don't deserve children, women that are idiot mothers, smoking, drinking, multiple fathers, drugs, etc, etc. I just don't get it! Im trying to not get bitter, but I just don't understand it!
Im trying to pray, but nothing comes out! I feel like I could be pregnant...sore boobs, back ache, woke up with heart burn and some nausea...
I guess negatives could be incorrect, but why do I do this to myself? AF isn't here and I don't see any signs of her....UGH...
I just got to get through this weekend! I have to...I have to work and be "on"...and all I really want is answers...where is AF, why did I get a BFN if AF isn't here, what is going on with my body?