Patiently Waiting...

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Patiently Waiting...

Well, I've been wanting to start a journal for some time...I guess everyone says that, but I thought today would be great because it is my 24th birthday! I have been married to DH John since May 11, 2002...almost 2 1/2 years. We have no kids, unless you count our spoiled little girl dog, Hannah and our orphan boy dog, Jake. DH is a pastor in ND and I am waiting, waiting....on a call from an interview I had recently with a company that works with domestic violence cases, etc. So I have been suffering from mild baby fever since early this year...I went to China for the summer to teach English as a second language, came home with no fever and then in September...it hit again...hard. So DH "isn't ready" for a baby and I am so ready. I couldn't take his lack of response and he couldn't take my obsession so we came to an agreement. Over dinner one night we decided that until I run out of my bcp (late November) I would not obsess over babies and he would seriously consider the possibility. So later this month we will decide to either get back on the pills or start TTC...I want it to be TTC so bad! I think if I get this job it could be a great bonus financially but then we have the dilemma of childcare. So all of that being said I'm just patiently waiting...

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So, on my way out of town to celebrate my birthday I checked the mail...and there it was...the letter from the company I interviewed with. However, it wasn't the letter I had been waiting for...

We were impressed with your skills and qualifications, however we hired another candidate.

I was devastated...I was counting on that position for so much! Anyway, DH and I still had a decent time celebrating. We went to dinner, then to a hotel and today we went shopping. I don't know what the next step is from here, so, until then I'm patiently waiting...

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Okay, I am so tired of hearing something better will come along...I don't know if I believe that! What kind of jobs are available in the counseling field in rural ND? NONE! Okay...I really don't want to spend the time venting about a job that I didn't get...it really won't make matters any different.

Today, a lady at the college asked me if I was expecting...I couldn't believe it! How audacious! I am overweight and just so happen to carry the weight in my midsection...I wish I could have given a really witty reply, but I was so shocked :shock: that I just walked away and cried when I got to my car! :oops:

Well anyway...enough venting...

I came up with a name for a son for the future...Joel Titus...I don't know, I just would love to get pregnant within the next decade...oh well, until then, patiently waiting...

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So DH wakes up today and decides that he has 101 things to do before the opening of deer season at 12 noon. :gotidea: Maybe he could try doing things ahead of time...I will give him credit though...he would have gotten more done yesterday, except that he got stuck his truck stuck in the mud. So by the time he finally made it home it was dark and he was beat. Anyway...back to today...he decideds that he needs to mow our lawn, bag the leaves and then mow the church lawn and bag the leaves (did I mention that he is a pastor)...well anyway, it is 30 minutes before deer season opens and he is still working on our lawn...he needs to work on church business yet, his sermon, etc...I suppose that he doesn't have to go deer hunting today, but if he doesn't he'll regret it. I just wish he didn't feel like he has to do it all...but he is too prideful to call someone else to work on the church lawn and procrastinates too much to have it done already. Oh well...

Today, I plan on going to a friends house to help out for awhile. She just had gastric bypass surgery and isn't allowed to lift a finger, so, I am going over to see what I can do for her. :laundry:

I mentioned today that we should start trying to conceive and I didn't get a strange look... :vibes: it may not sound like that big of deal...but is definitely a milestone from two months ago. So I wonder what December will bring for TTC.. :sex: :bluesperm: :preggo:
Time will tell!

Last night we got some unsettling news...a youth pastor we kinda know...from another state was just busted for having sex with a teenage girl. :busted2: It is really sad b/c he was a fairly popular speaker and now his sin has become well know too. Heartbreaking...

I can't believe how slow time passes...I am just ready to start TTC...it seems like so many people are pregnant (many who don't even want to be) and I want so badly to be and Im just patiently waiting...

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So I went to my friends house to help out and all she wanted me to do was keep her company...visit with her, so I did! I was there for nearly four hours just talking and listening...it was nice, but I felt useless being there. Anway, today we went to a football game and saw lots of babies and pregnant girls...a friend who is pregnant right now told me that she had a dream that I was pregnant...oh if only it were true. Today was a fairly relaxing day...I made a birthday cake for myself :bdaycake: , went to a football game, visited with some friends, and am now online. Saturdays are good days...sometimes.

I don't really have any news or anything exciting to write really, but I just want to pass on the :babydustblue: to everyone out their who are TOC or TTC and of course to myself!

So until its my turn, Im patiently waiting...

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During Supper last night DH starts talking about all the benefits of having children. Then he says that if made a list of all the pros vs. cons his cons would definitely outweigh the pros. I reminded him that this "time" is for us to really consider one anothers feelings and he said that it was actually time for him to change his mind. That hurt my feelings b/c I don't want him to just give in to me, I want him to have the desire like I do. I was sad b/c I think that he is being resistant, even though we made an agreement. So I went to the bedroom to lay down, cry, :crybaby: and pray. He came in there and we talked. For once, he really shared his heart. He described how he is afraid of being resentful if we had a baby or that when the baby is crying in the middle of the night he would change his mind or that when I am having a hormonal pregnant moment he will say hurtful things about not having a baby. He feels that maybe he is too selfish. Then we got off on a tangent about his parents and when he was a baby. Big alligator tears slowing fell down his cheeks and he said that he was so afraid of letting his kids down. Now there is a reason that I feel came from the heart.

I want so bad for us to share the same feelings on this...either be ready together or not ready together...but it doesn't seem like either of us can change our feelings. :dontknow: Oh how discouraging! I wish so much that I could fast forward time and let him hold our first born in his arms and then rewind back to now so that he can understand what its like for me to not have that.

I have a great husband...he helps around the house, he is so sweet to me, he prays with me, he is respectable and honorable, and I just cannot wait to have a baby with him! I see him doing the things that he is so good at: like preaching, interacted with people, praying, and it only makes that baby desire so much greater! :lovestory:

So aside from my baby desires, DH suggested that I apply for this hospital assistant administrative position. Im just not sure, I went to college so that I could work with hurting, needy people...not to type medical records, file, and spend hours at a desk with little or no human contact...much less any counseling. I guess it would be worth a shot...I do need a good paying job, I just don't think its worth doing something I hate just for the sake of having a job. Oh well, we will see.

I haven't talked to my mom in a few days, Im excited because she is definitely flying up to ND for my graduation. There was a time when we didn't think she would, but she is! I am so thrilled, this is a huge milestone in my life (Im only the 2nd person to graduate in our family!) So it will be fun for her to visit. My older sister has shingles...oh what a pain for her! :getwell: It seems just when life starts going well for her, something else comees along to throw her off course. I know there is nothing anyone could do for her, but I sure wish that I could.

I think thats all for now, so until later, Im patiently waiting...

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During Supper last night DH starts talking about all the benefits of having children. Then he says that if made a list of all the pros vs. cons his cons would definitely outweigh the pros. I reminded him that this "time" is for us to really consider one anothers feelings and he said that it was actually time for him to change his mind. That hurt my feelings b/c I don't want him to just give in to me, I want him to have the desire like I do. I was sad b/c I think that he is being resistant, even though we made an agreement. So I went to the bedroom to lay down, cry, :crybaby: and pray. He came in there and we talked. For once, he really shared his heart. He described how he is afraid of being resentful if we had a baby or that when the baby is crying in the middle of the night he would change his mind or that when I am having a hormonal pregnant moment he will say hurtful things about not having a baby. He feels that maybe he is too selfish. Then we got off on a tangent about his parents and when he was a baby. Big alligator tears slowing fell down his cheeks and he said that he was so afraid of letting his kids down. Now there is a reason that I feel came from the heart.

I want so bad for us to share the same feelings on this...either be ready together or not ready together...but it doesn't seem like either of us can change our feelings. :dontknow: Oh how discouraging! I wish so much that I could fast forward time and let him hold our first born in his arms and then rewind back to now so that he can understand what its like for me to not have that.

I have a great husband...he helps around the house, he is so sweet to me, he prays with me, he is respectable and honorable, and I just cannot wait to have a baby with him! I see him doing the things that he is so good at: like preaching, interacted with people, praying, and it only makes that baby desire so much greater! :lovestory:

So aside from my baby desires, DH suggested that I apply for this hospital assistant administrative position. Im just not sure, I went to college so that I could work with hurting, needy people...not to type medical records, file, and spend hours at a desk with little or no human contact...much less any counseling. I guess it would be worth a shot...I do need a good paying job, I just don't think its worth doing something I hate just for the sake of having a job. Oh well, we will see.

I haven't talked to my mom in a few days, Im excited because she is definitely flying up to ND for my graduation. There was a time when we didn't think she would, but she is! I am so thrilled, this is a huge milestone in my life (Im only the 2nd person to graduate in our family!) So it will be fun for her to visit. My older sister has shingles...oh what a pain for her! :getwell: It seems just when life starts going well for her, something else comees along to throw her off course. I know there is nothing anyone could do for her, but I sure wish that I could.

I think thats all for now, so until later, Im patiently waiting...

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Well, the time has come...my birth control pills are running out and we have to make a decision. So we did...we made a great compromise...We decided that we would get off the pills and although we weren't going to prevent, we were not going to try either. We are just going to leave it up to nature and God! I am very please with this decision and so is DH. I feel like this was the best possible compromise. Im actually nervous about the unexpected...the every month potential of being pregnant...but Im also very excited!

So until next time, I'm patiently waiting...

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Thanksgiving...we have survived Thanksgiving..but barely... :pumpkin:

You see, the week before we traveled home MIL called to tell us that she was working on our schedule for while we were visiting...Tuesday night with her, Wednesday with her, Thursday with FIL, Friday with her, Saturday with her...
well we weren't able to leave our home until Wednesday...so we had our Thanksgiving meal with her when we arrived Wednesday evening. Thursday, we had already committed Thanksgiving day to FIL, his parents, and family...so we went over there at noon and stayed until midnight...it was a great, no pressure time.
Friday morning, I am scheduled to have lunch with the ladies on MIL's side of the family...we had a nice meal, and I thought we would be going shopping, but no, that didn't fit into MIL's schedule...so I went back to her house, called up DH and went with him to a high school friend's house...for just a little while...because we were scheduled to go to DH's grandmothers house to visit her and out-of-town relatives that we see just as often as his parents...then we have to leave just so we can have some time to do what we wanted to do.
*Side note: During the ride to the restaurant to meet with MIL's lady relatives, DH and I discuss our frustrations about some things: we assumed MIL moved our keys b/c she had moved our car and he couldn't find his keys, we were extremely mad that she had our days scheduled out (no time for ourselves), then we discussed why she wasn't able to come pick me and SIL up for the lunch b/c she was out "shopping." :bag: So our conversation was an expression of our frustrations, and it was private...*
On Saturday we have to pack up the car with our luggage and some things I needed from MIL for a party this season...and then we had to go see DH's paternal grandparents one more time (it could be another year or more before we see them again)...and then we had to leave to come home. :homesign:
So...we arrive home on Saturday night very late, and have to get up on Sunday very early to prepare for church...
Sunday, we are tired, stressed out, and in great need of a break, but then MIL calls to confront him about our car conversation, b/c my 14 year old SIL decided to tell her mother that we were "ripping her apart and tearing her down." Not only did she confront him, but she shot daggars referring to my DH's career and guilted him...I was so angry! First of all, we never called MIL a single name, nor did we insult her...we were just expressing frustrations...in a private conversation! I am so furious! :blowup:

Anyway, needless to say, we aren't going back for Thanksgiving again b/c it ended up being two very stressful days sandwiched in between two days of traveling...and then for the cherry on top...MIL has to make that phone call...UGH

The Christmas season is packed: :santasmiley: This Month: Christmas decorating at church, Program practice very Wednesday and Saturday, Birthday party at the nursing home, Women's Ministries Christmas party, Church Board Christmas party, Church Program, my graduation, my mother visiting, finals, Christmas shopping, and traveling to visit my family!

Well, back to the more important issue of TTC...the pills are long gone, waiting for AF to leave, :witch: and ready for some love making :sex: , I need to get in to see a midwife for a preconception check-up, and then its on we go...

but until then, Im waiting, but Im not sure how patiently... Wink

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The witch, AF, is long gone, and the busiest month of the year is here. DH is not feeling very good, but we still took time to BD yesterday, and it was HOT! Anway, I finally graduate this Friday and my mother is going to fly in on Thursday. I still haven't gotten in for a preconception exam...I will, I will!

I must get back to work, so until later, Im patiently waiting!

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Happy Holidays!

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It has been some time since I last posted...so where do I start? My mom came to visit for my graduation (which was pretty nice). We had a good time together, but I was glad to see her go. Its just that I am so busy I don't have time or patience to answer her every single huh? what? who? :?:

Anyway, so I am officially finished with school (and btw Cindy, I did pass Biology). :jumpingbeans: On the 15th I went to a great Christmas party for the ladies from church...it was loads of laughs. Then on Friday, I hosted a party for the deacons in our church and their wives. I made prime rib (which others raved about, but I didn't like it), sweet potatoes in carmelized onions, green bean casserole, fruit salad, rolls (the ladies brought the last three things). I also made a chocolate bread pudding with caramel pecan sauce (OMG it was good). Sunday, the 19th we had our church Christmas program, which I wrote, organized, and pulled off. It was successful and I am so glad it is over! :santasmiley:

John and I opened our Christmas presents on the 19th....he bought me clothes!! I was so surprised, but pleased because he did good! I loved everything he bought me, except some of the things didn't fit my fat butt...so I had to exchange them. He liked his Christmas presents too....a food saver, a new fishing reel, a movie, some other stuff, too...

We ended up staying at MIL again...UGH...but honestly, this time wasn't so bad...she layed off big time...and luckily so, because I was going to say something. Anyway, Christmas with her was very nice, we had a great meal and she always buys us nice stuff. Christmas with FIL was also really nice, he also buys us nice stuff. The weather was nice for out travels South (to Iowa then Louisiana). We spent Christmas day with my family....it was nice. I met my new neice this holiday...she is 5 months old and very pretty! :angel13:

We drove back to Iowa on Thursday, the 30th (it was such a long long drive). John got to go the Independence bowl in Shreveport, Louisiana on Tuesday to see Iowa State play Miami of Ohio....he was really pumped...anyway so after we returned to Iowa...MIL's house was full of guests...we were on the road for fourteen hours and then have to schmooze.... :angry5: UGH...anyway, it seemed like everyone understood though.

So we headed for home on the 31st and then decided to stop in Sioux Falls to visit a good friend (we stayed in a hotel) and celebrated New Year's. BIG MISTAKE. The next day was hell on the road...snow, ice, freezing rain, and more ice...OMG and 3 hour trip took us 4 1/2 hours. It was stressful...Glad to be home, but now its a wreck b/c of all of our Christmas gifts, suitcases, dirty laundry, etc, etc...anyway...:banghead:

John and I finally got insurance but then we got a letter saying he was denied :bullcrap: b/c of his height/weight (whatever that means)...I didn't show it to him yet b/c I don't want to stress him out before church...I am going to figure it out on Monday.

So AF :witch: visited just in time for the holidays, but she wasn't herself. Sure, she showed up right on schedule, but (TMI sorry)...it was brownish, residual and never actually BLOOD...whatever that means...so Im totally confused, but also convinced that Im not pregnant...so next month we'll have to see...anyway,

I think thats all for now, oh, btw, Im feeling depressed...my house is a wreck, I need a job, I need to go the gyno, my husband is feeling discontented with his job...ugh...we need a REAL vacation!

But, I guess until that happens or I get out of this funk...Im patiently waiting :timer: ...but not really because I am going to lose my mind first!

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Just trying out my new ticker...Kinda cute, I think! I would like some suggestions for a new title...feel free to post here...Mine seems so boring!

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I love your title and how you always end saying 'patiently waiting....' Keep it!!

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Y'know, I think I may just keep this title...its easier than coming up with a different one and it does sum up my life accurately.

Thanks Emma for the input...

So until next time, Im patiently waiting...

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Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, Why does Conception Seem So Hard?

It seems that women in todays society have so much more difficulty conceiving than women 50 years ago...Seriously, my great grandmother popped out six kids with no concerns.

Is it because we have modern technology? We have the HELP so suddenly we NEED it? :dontknow: Or is it because there is so much more stress in our lives? I've only been off the pill for one month, but my heart goes out to all the ladies who TTC for months on end, sometimes years with month after month of frustration, heartache, :crybaby: etc...

It doesn't seem fair. My prayer for all women is that conception will come as naturally to each of you as it did for Grandma! :goodluck:

So until then, Im hoping that together we are patiently waiting...

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So today I started temping. Except John stayed up until 3am and I slept on the couch until then. :sleep: I had planned on getting up at 8am to temp and start cleaning this disas ter I call home, but I was too tired and didn't set the alarm...So I temped at 9:45 instead. Okay, so hopefully I will get better at this...

Anyway, so I need a job. I know of no jobs in this town and so Im feeling extremely frustrated...John offered to get a second job if I would take care of the house and the church office work...I don't t think that would be fair to him...so I don't know and he is at a point that he thinks I should take any job despite my degree... :BOO!:

Whatever.

So Im getting ready to call a midwife for an exam...Im nervous. I don't know why...I just am. What if she tells me that its not a good idea for me to be off the pills, that I should wait on ttc.? I think I would cry, no, I know I would cry.

I wish I could get references for a midwife BEFORE I call...but I know she is CNM, so that helps...Also, Im afraid that she is going to tell me that there must be some mistake b/c Im already pregnant:kaos10:...I would be thrilled, but I don't exactly what it to work that way...kwim?

I told John about buying the thermometer and he didn't freak, didn't complain about the money, he didn't even give me his infamous "hmm"! Im definitely impressed!

Does anyone know a good housecleaner somewhere in ND that will receive payments in food? I need help with this house...seriously, its bad! But I guess sitting here typing :madatcomp: isn't exactly getting the house cleaned! Oh well...neither is John sleeping getting the house cleaned so we're even.

Baby dust to all :fairy: and until then Im pretending to be patiently waiting...

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Well, heres the latest...

Yesterday I started spotting (very much like what I read implantation bleeding is like) so I a good friend insisted I test...so this morning I did, BFN.

Im discouraged, Im frustrated, and Im worried...

This temping thing is stupid b/c I wake up too much at night and I get up at different times in the morning...an alarm doesn't work b/c Im usually up already...

How many BFN am I going to get until one is positive? I don't know, until then Im waiting....

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I called the midwife and she was able to get me in for tomorrow! YAY! So I will go in for the official PCOS test and all the other useful information and questions that I can throw her way! Which reminds me, I need to make a list of questions for her...

Anyway, I've cried today and I'm trying so hard to keep it together. Im confused, worried, and tired of being confused and worried! Well, Im going to go see the midwife and try to have a good day with John...God knows we need it!

I'd just like to take this moment to send a big hug and Thanks to my friend and Godsent Angel, Cindy! Girl, I would have gone insane without you today! :bigarmhug:

Until whenever, Im patiently waiting...

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Well, today I went to see the midwife. She was awesome: very sweet, but real. She did an excellent exam, but before I even got undressed she spent 30 minutes answering my questions, talking to me about plan A, B, and so on! She didn't rush me in and out, she took quality time with me and she was very insistant on calling her or coming back if I run into anymore problems.
Her diagnosis:
She didn't feel it necessary to run a blood test for PCOS because she thought it would come back inaccurate because of the birth control pills and such. She did say, however, that John and I should actively begin trying to conceive so that we can get pregnant sooner. She said that the longer we are off the pills the more likely I will run into problems. :preggo:

So she prescribed more intercourse! Once, every other day...charting, and Ovulation Prediction Kit. She means business! :woohoo:

As for the spotting goes, she doesn't think its just spotting, its too much blood to be and it concerned her ...so if its not better after 2-3 months she wants to try fertility treatments or something...also with conception...if Im not ovulating she wants to start Clomid very soon too...So, its only a matter of time!

Until then, Im excitedly patiently waiting...:cloud9:

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patiently! ROFL yeah, patiently Wink so, how did last night go anyway???

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Well, here is an update on me...Im still spotting, so if its not done tomorrow I'll probably call the midwife again. DH and I did BD last night, or early early this morning. However, according to my chart, its too late.

I start CNA training tomorrow and I can't wait...I need a job and something to get me out of this house! KWIM?

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So, I think Im done spotting! :whoohoo: But its a tricky thing, so we shall see...
AF :witch: is due on January 20th, which is 10 days away...and then maybe, just maybe I can test again, but Im not getting my hopes up (okay, YEAH RIGHT)...all this spotting, Im so new to this I can't help but think, maybe implantation bleeding...

UGH...oh well

To my dear friend C...Im lost without you...so many questions, so much to say...don't stay away for too long...:byebye2:

http://ttc.fertilityfriend.com/home/83d6d
John & Tiffany Lovers forever :lovebed:
Married 5-11-02
TTC 11-20-02

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I started my class tonight...its so good! Very interesting and we learn the skills, which are hands on practical stuff. Im exhausted, but Im excited too... Smile

I have a headache and Im feeling quite impatient with my cycle...I don't remember days every being this long... :yawn:

Oh, well...we shall overcome! So until we do, Im waiting...and waiting...and waiting...

http://ttc.fertilityfriend.com/home/83d6d
John & Tiffany Lovers forever :lovebed:
Married 5-11-02
TTC 11-20-02

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DH actually had a conversation with me last night about baby names and it wasn't one sided...he was making suggestions and adding comments! Thats progress! :love3:

I missed class on Wednesday b/c the weather was supposed to be blizzard conditions and life threatening temperatures, but, such as my luck...it actually wasn't bad! So, whats up with that? If I HAD driven the 90 miles to class I probably would have gotten stranded there and since I didn't go...nothing happened...UGH!

Can anyone explain to me why I have a small amount of spotting every single day? A little more after sex...its irritating and so gross! :dontknow:

Today, I have been so cranky and weepy :sad11: ...things don't go my way and I want to cry...DH says something and I snap back...my stomach is so weird...I took a nap and woke up in a great mood... Then I started making supper and felt nauseous

My tastebuds seem to be turned off...nothing tastes "right." Its making me mad b/c I love to eat tasty food and I can't taste the food that I love to eat!

I don't even know what else to say...my sister-in-law got her drivers' permit...thats huge! She is growing up too fast, but at the same time she needs to grow up more! She called to brag...and rightfully so! Congrats, girly!

To my friend C...if all else fails maybe you should say "I love you," and if that doesn't work remind yourself that you are having his baby...and that counts for something! And if you don't like those ideas...then thats okay...you know me...the ever hopeless romantic! :bighug:

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I'm not really sure how I got started on it, but I did...and now Im in a full out search for my biological father...You see, the story goes something like this...

My mother, with her first born daughter in tow somehow ends up divorced from her first and married to her second husband. The time frame is unknown. My twin and I come into the picture, very premature, some time later, and we are adopted by DM's third husband. So, I have a name...Robert Lee Wintle...I have a divorce date...June 6, 1980 (thats 5 months before I was born) and the petitioner of the divorce is Robert (35)and the respondent is my mother (18) So, today Im looking and find a ssn of a R.L. Wintle who is about the same age as the man in the divorce record. Where do I go from here? Am I even on the right track? Does anyone know anything about said person?

I would love to find this person and see a picture or something. Especially now that Im TTC..what if there is heriditary things from HIS side of the family that I need to know?

If anyone out there can be of service, please let me know!

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Well I spoke to DM's third husband and a lady from the church I grew up with and they both gave me a name...the same name, but a completely different name than what is on by birth certificate. I guess, in the state of Louisiana, at that time...if the child had no contact with the biological father for two years then he relinquished his rights...a legal notice was set regarding my pending adoption, no one contested it, and therefore I was adoptable.

According to this new information, my mother was rather permiscuous at the time of my conception and identified my biological father, but he did not recognize his responsibility and then my mother up and married the first bloke who was willing to take a wife with three little kids.

So, it turns out my supposed real biological father lives in the town I grew up in, has a son a couple of years younger than me, who went to my High School...and all of my boldness of contacting his has fled.

The name, Bobby Lewis...I know the family...I know the son (my supposed half brother) and it isn't easy...I've been lied to, but protected by my mother and I just feel hurt. This is something that I got myself into, so I realize that I asked for it, but it doesn't change my feelings of betrayal, unwantedness, unworthiness, hurt, and anger.

So forget searching for Mr. Wintle...he is steril and could never have children. He was long gone out of my mother's life way before I was ever born...he just never divorced my mother until later. So, oh well...

Anyway, my body is doing some funny things, probably from the stress...but Im probably going to see AF this week and if I don't...maybe I'll test...

Oh well...still patiently waiting....

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Well, Im having crappy luck trying to find this guy...and its not like this town is very big! UGH...its frustrating...Im so close, but so far! I feel very much like saying screw it all...I know the guys name, so that should do, but at the same time I feel like I've come so far, wouldn't it be useless if I don't actually contact him? :dontknow:

Im tired, I don't feel like doing anything, but I need to take down the Christmas tree (we traveled for the holidays and didn't get to enjoy the tree very much so I left it up a little longer), and the Christmas decor, box them all up and send them to the basement. But its Monday...our day off and Im tired, hungry, and I don't feel like it! :protest:

I feel like crap to. Im just so tired all the time! Even when Im getting plenty of exercise I feel tired! I don't know what the problem is! Probably AF reaking havoc already...stupid witch! :witch:

Another thing thats really buggin me is that Im hungry most of the time and then having a sore stomach the rest of the time. Its frustrating... :pissed:

I guess Im in a foul mood today...but I need some lovin'...maybe I'll go wake DH up, or not, who knows... :lovebed:

I have to read my class material b/f I go to class :book1: ...I have a quiz and I like to have reviewed the information before she lectures on it! I also like to prepare myself for the skills training...I don't like surprises!

I guess thats all for now...until later Im patiently waiting...

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OMG...I just read my post from yesterday and realize that I didn't get anything done!

At noon we got a call from a family needing our help moving their son into a new place at 1:00pm...we hadn't showered or eaten, but off we went...called the fuel guy to get them some fuel for their house, went to the bank, loaded up the truck, and their car, drove an hour away, unloaded their car, and our truck then had to go directly to my class another 45 minutes away. I got there just in time...but so tired...I slept in the truck the entire time and felt so robbed of my time at home and with DH! UGH!

Oh well...I was also glad to help them!

AF isn't here yet, just waiting for her to show her ugly face! I have lots to do today, but, well, I won't go there!

C--congratulations ont the new turn of events, hold him to it!

Patiently waiting...

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Well we got to BD, finally, it seems like forever since the last time...but not that long ago!

Just in time though...AF is beginning to play peek-a-boo...she showed for a moment and then no more...

So we'll see what the next couple of days something will happen!

Until then, patiently waiting....

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I consulted with someone regarding my chart and it seems that I haven't ovulated...isn't that wonderful!

She suggested for me to wait it out this next cycle and then contact my midwife again. This sucks, it really does...

Oh well...

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Well AF is here...in all of her glory! So, Im just going to wait it out, test for ovulation in 8 days, then we will see...HOPEFULLY, Im ovulating and we can track my temps better this time around...who knows...

Until then Im patiently waiting...

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Well...AF is still here...but more like now you see it, now you don't!
Oh well...Im okay with that as long as its over my Monday...There are people in my CNA class that are driving me crazy! Oh well....my teacher is great and most of the students are bad either...Two more weeks and some extra days... I can do it!!

Then its off to work I go...

OMG...we got a phone bill in the mail yesterday for a 2 minute collect call...nearly $30.00! WTHeck is that? Highway robbery...they'll be getting a call from me this morning! OH well..

Its a great thing, my chart...two days I've had the same temp...hows that for a baseline?

Until AF is over and we can get down to business...Im patiently waiting...

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I think this post will give me my first pencil!! Yay!

BTW...does ANYONE know how to do blinkies? I can't get them into my siggy...

Thanks in advance...PM me or YIM!

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HEY, my new blinkies are cute...Thanks Cindy!

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Good Morning...

Today in ND it is a white bright morning...Snow covered everything during the night...including my desire to do anything.

AF is on her way home...wherever that is...probably to torture someone else! She actually has been fairly good to me this visit. I don't mind her at all when she is so friendly!

I can't wait until I start tracking my ovulation...it will be good...I just really feel it in my heart that February is my month! OH LET IT BE!

John and I looked at some 3D ultrasound pics last night at the gallery, and boy...that was something...we both got those warm fuzzies...and its not even our kid! OMG Im so excited...I cannot wait until its my turn!

Anyway...today is going to be quite eventful, so I must go...

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double post!

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So I think AF :witch: is gone! Thats such good news, cause I need to get back to business :lovebed: .

My chart looks decent...I can't complain, except I am wondering why it is todays 8am temp is the same as yesterdays 5am temp...one has a hollow circle and one circle is filled in...ah, the mysteries of charting! :rollingeyes:

Im also wondering why my CM is supposedly "most fertile" on CD 6. I guess the chart doesn't know anything except what I tell it....

Oh well...So yesterday was a very very long day...we had to go to Fargo 90 miles away for a parishioner's heart surgery at 7:30am. Then we sat at the hospital for like 6 hours! Afterward we had to kill 4 more hours before my class.
I had to exchange some stuff at Victoria's Secret...I had $25.00 worth of store credit and got 2 $50.00 satin pj sets for $25.00! They were both half of half! That was a great score! :woohoo:
Then John drove all around town running errands while I slept in the car. :sleep: I had class at 5pm until 10pm, then we got supper and went home...OMG...it was such a long day!

So, actually Im going to go back to bed soon...I need to let the dog go out...she is actually starting to become a little brat...:grommit:

I just needed to update this journal...and my chart...and hopefully I'll be ovulating soon!

Until whenever, Im patiently waiting...

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Okay, Im tired of patiently waiting...Im ready to test for ovulation, yes at CD 7...SO?! But Im not going to...Im going to wait and start testing tomorrow morning! Then I'll see whats going on...

Then Im ready to start testing for pregnancy...this is my month, I just know, I just feel it...it has to be...oh let be!

Okay, moving along...yesterday we BD :lovebed: and afterwards, DH literally rolls over and says, "Wouldn't it be neat if we had :triplets: triplets?" I burst out laughing! I've been so careful of us not cramping our love making mood! Then he pops off with that...at least I know its on his mind!

Anyway...I just want to say that my house is officially a wreck! We need to get this disastrous place taken care of...but on Friday afternoon John is going on a fishing trip...he will be home late late Saturday and hopefully...I will have this place so clean when he gets home...oh my...he won't know what to do! :blob6:

So now Im going back to sleep... :sleepy1:

So until later, Im patiently, (sorta) waiting....

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I tested for ovulation today...nope.

I figured it was a little early, but I'll keep it up until theres a positive. My luck it'll be Saturday...when John is gone all day (overnight Friday) for a fishing trip. But if we BD today and BD on Friday morning, then again late Saturday we could still catch the eggy.

Anyway...I don't know what else to write. Im so tired, my CNA classes are getting long.

I think it'll be good for us this weekend for John to go on the fishing trip. I can finally get some housework done with out him hovering over me!

Mrs. E--Its understandable that you want to call in the repair service! Better to fix than discard! As far the "extras" some amenities wouldn't hurt!

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So, I tested again for ovulation...nope. I don't know whats going on with me, I feel kinda crampy and sick to my stomach with sore boobs...as if AF is coming...but she isn't due for another few weeks. UGH! I feel like crying and I don't know why!

Im so tired!

John left for the weekend...well for the night and all day tomorrow! It'll be good for us, but at the same time I get worried b/c he's out ice fishing...

Anyway, I have to have faith!

So I guess thats all for now...except, I wonder if I test in the morning and it was negative for O...could I get a positive later that same day? OHHHH who knows!

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So John made it home safely, but not without his own frustrations (another story). I got the house all cleaned for him! It looks and feels so much better!

I just read at Fertility Friend that you shouldn't test for ovulation with the FMU because it can give an inaccurate reading...thats exactly what I've been doing! UGH...so I think tomorrow Im going to test a little later in the day...I need to buy some more tests, Im almost out and could still have 4 more days until ovulation. I don't know if I should continue buying the First Response Brand or if I should try a different brand!

Oh my....its all so confusing, and I just want to be pregnant...RIGHT NOW!

If only it were that easy! John and I are getting along so much better these days...its like we have one fight every few weeks and then it all works out and we're happily ever after...

A guy we know (S) called today and told us that he wants to help us pay for our taxes...What tha?
I don't know why, I guess cause he loves us, or something, but should we let him? Should we call him up when we get our taxes done and say, So S, we owe $xxxx, Thanks! Or should we turn him down and come up with the should-have-been-saving money somewhere else?

Its so bizarre! Anyway!

I saw a friend's baby today. The mom's name is Annalise and she is absolutely precious! Just so sweet and all...her son is William and he is gorgeous! Josh is the dad and he was telling my DH that he sees babies as a blessing and that when he is with his son, he is actually expriencing an actual blessing from God!

WOW! Do you know what John did? He agreed! Then he asked me if I told Annalise that we were trying...OMG, I love it! I absolutely love it!

Annalise invited me to her house to talk baby and she is going to pray for me to get pregnant (it seems others prayers work better than my own).

I met a girl in my CNA class that is also TTC! How cool is that? But she lives 90 miles away so that wouldn't be that great, but we could email and stuff!

Anway, its so nice to have young mommies, or mommies-to-be around!

I gotta keep trying and patiently waiting...

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Fertility Friend says I ovulated on CD 9. Anyway, who would've thought? So if its accurate there is a chance that we conceived a baby...small chance, but a chance still.

Today I have a bit of spotting...whatever that means...could mean that my body is SCREWED UP! Oh well, so I guess I'll just keep waiting...

Yesterday John took a nap at around 3pm and slept throughout the night until 4:30am...he got up and started his day at that time! (WHATEVER!) Then I went to bed at 2:00am and had a hard time going to sleep but finally I did and slept until 8am (I had a five hour long nap yesterday)...so whats up with our sleeping issues?

Anyway, Im keeping my fingers crossed until later and as always Im patiently waiting...

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So perhaps FF is wrong and I haven't ovulated! We will see in the next few days! This is just so confusing!

To my friend, C... my sarcasm can be a little harsh, I know that. I apologize for being snotty and making a crack and your wise advice! You've have been here for me and I need you to be here for me still! Please come back to me...:( please....

Tiffany

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Well Im done charting for this cycle. Things went haywire last Monday when we got the news and I didn't temp at all while we were away. Im hoping to take a hpt either Thursday or next Thursday (whichever DH will let me get by with Smile )

So I want to take a moment to reflect on our good friend.
Ryan C.A. Hargens (07-14-80---01-30-05)

Dear Ryan,

You were always such a gentleman. When John brought me home the first time you treated me as if I'd always been in his life. You told your G'ma Rose that we were serious and that you would like to have what we have. I wish for you that you could have too. Im sorry that your life was cut short. You had so much going for you. Some lady would have been blessed to have you in her life. You were always cheerful, happy, joyful. You spirit always rubbed off on me. I loved hearing stories of you and John from days past. You were his best friend, no on could ever fill your shoes. I remember camping with you...just the three of us, how silly, but how fun! I remember that you loved people...you would do anything for anyone. Im blessed to have gotten to know you...I remember that you hugged me over New Year's, referring to me like a sister. I'll never forget that.

Your family always treated John, and then me, like family. To you Ryan, your friends were family. Someday I will tell me children all about their Dad's childhood, junior high, high school, and college best friend. They will hear all your funny stories, and know that they would have loved you. I hope to name my son after you. He will be honored to have your name.

I don't understand why your life had to end so soon...I don't understand the medication's ramification. We will never forget you, we will always love you, our friend, our brother.

Always, Tiffany

God Bless, Good night, until later, patiently waiting...

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Well, yesterday I called the midwife (aren't you proud, Cindy Smile ) Yeah, I just decided that thats my right! I deserve to know exactly whats going on with me! We finally touched base today and she wants me to sustain from BD for 12 days (dang it, Valentine's Day is coming up!) testing to be sure Im not pregnant (wouldn't that be funny?) she will put me on Provera for 10 days, which is suppose to provoke AF and then hopefully all the rest will work itself out!

Knowing absolutely nothing about Provera, Im a little nervous, but I want something done!

So hold on, Im patiently waiting...

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Well, today is Valentine's Day! 5 years worth of Valentine's with John!

Im suppose to see AF in two days...hopefully not, but Im not counting on it! I have a feeling she'll be sneaking around here on Thursday! If not, I am going to test! I won't until Im late, but I will do it!

OH how badly I want to be pregnant, and 2 days seems like forever!

Stay away you old witch AF!

Oh well, Im patiently (barely) waiting...

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Well today AF is due! She isn't here yet...she usually comes the night before or early in the morning when I go pee for the first time...not today. So although its not very likely, Im hoping she'll stay away!

I have to go to work later...she better not come while Im there! That would really ruin my day! John won't let me test until Im late...so if she's not here today, I'll test tomorrow.

Wouldn't that be so wonderful....to get a bfp when Im suppose to start Provera! I can't help but laugh about that! Anyway, I have my fingers crossed until later...Im waiting...

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Okay, so I worked tonight! Its hard work, but Im up for it! AF still isn't here!

:woohoo:
:woohoo:
:woohoo:

I want so bad to be pregnant! Im testing in the morning, if she doesn't show up by then! John wanted me to wait until Monday... :nono:
Not going to happen! Im getting up bright and early, rushing to the pharmacy, coming home and testing with FMU!!

(((((((BFP VIBES TO MYSELF))))))))

:bluesperm: :bluesperm: :bluesperm: :bluesperm:

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The witch :witch: hasn't shown her ugly tricky face around here yet. I tested with EPT and got a BFN. Im officially confused, again. Im never been late and I just knew that I was going to get a positive. I guess I'll take my temp tomorrow morning, see what is says, and then wait a few more days and take another test!

I just don't understand it...why is it that women that want babies so so so much can't get pregnant and women that don't want them, get pregnant, and have abortions? Why is it that some women can get pregnant with such ease...women that don't deserve children, women that are idiot mothers, smoking, drinking, multiple fathers, drugs, etc, etc. I just don't get it! Im trying to not get bitter, but I just don't understand it!

Im trying to pray, but nothing comes out! I feel like I could be pregnant...sore boobs, back ache, woke up with heart burn and some nausea...

I guess negatives could be incorrect, but why do I do this to myself? AF isn't here and I don't see any signs of her....UGH...

I just got to get through this weekend! I have to...I have to work and be "on"...and all I really want is answers...where is AF, why did I get a BFN if AF isn't here, what is going on with my body?

Im tired of patiently waiting

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Can it be very, very light?

Im talking about my BFP!!!!
AF is 3 days late and I tested using an EPT, and the vertical line that makes a + was very very faint!

I don't know what to say...John and I just looked at each other! OMG...is it real? Someone pinch me!

Im calling my midwife tomorrow for a bloodtest!

Patiently waiting in la-la-land...

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