My mom used to put little redhots on the outside of our sandwiches in a smiley face. It's quick and easy.
You are anything but a failure. We all have weaknesses but it's something to overcome and you've done it once and will do it again. You've had so much going on over the last year so cut yourself some slack.
Your dad is in my prayers along with you sweetie.
I hope it pans out for you, I'll be saying prayers!