Posted: 2002-05-12 08:46
Happy Mother's Day to myself, my mom, and all my friends
It's 9:43am, all three kids are up, I'm still in my PJ's, and DH is... sleeping. How lovely and thoughtful of him.
The day is young... right?
Yesterday, I mentioned to DH that I really wanted to get a new scrapbook 'book', a top loading one, and he said "just get one", and I explained that I wanted to, but that I hadn't because I'd rather get stuff to scrapbook with and do pages with instead, that they were kind of expensive, etc... and he said "Well, since I'm such a lazy bum and all, and that I haven't bothered getting you anything for Mother's Day, why won't you go out and get yourself one?"
OK, this isn't quite what I had in mind for a Mother's Day surprise... but I did go out yesterday and get myself a book (and a few other things to make up for the way he 'handled' Mother's Day this year)... I LOVE my new book!!!! I love that I was able to pick it out myself! It kind of makes up for the fact that he was a lazy bum about the whole thing. I'd rather this than something I didn't really need, right?
I scrapbooked last night until 1am, got a page done, start to finish, probably a first for me...! I organized my stuff a little more, I think... When I was done, Dh was sending me vibes that he wanted to spend time with me, he did all the things he usually does when he wants ... uh... well, you know. I haven't been in the mood for quite some time, and I don't think I'll be in the mood for years at this rate, but I just wanted to see what would happen. I told him I'd take a quick shower and be heading to bed soon... he said he was going to bed, but he hung around, waited, followed me around like a lost puppy, all the things he normally does when he wants something... and we got to bed, he said he hoped tomorrow's (today's) weather was nice again, said Happy Mother's Day, barely finished that sentence, and he was asleep.
He's still sleeping.
If I had known, I would have kept scrapbooking.
He can be such a waste of effort sometimes.
I think that giving my mom the cold shoulder and silent treatment, as hard as it was to do, worked. I think she understands, finally.
I ended up making her a Mother's Day present, rushed, last minute, but nice just the same. I hope she appreciates the effort, time and money that went into it. We've been invited to her yearly Mother's Day get together at her place, this year, it's a brunch BBQ... DH doesn't want to go. He's still upset with her. Lovely. Mom wants to go out with just Jillian & I for supper, three generations of GIRL power! Sounds good. Could be interesting.
Anyway, I have to go change Jillian's bum, since there isn't anyone else in this house who knows how to. Or so it seems.
Posted: 2002-05-14 23:12
I'm back... I've been trying to squeeze in some time to write here, I love being able to keep up with the journal -- I find it really helps gather my thoughts.
Mother's Day turned out fairly well, despite RM's lack of ... husband skills. He woke up around 10:30, insists that he didn't hear me/us, despite my trying to get him to wake up and help out. He keeps saying I'm tense and stressed, but he does nothing to make anything easier for me, instead, he adds to my stress... and then he speaks to me as though I'm the one failing, because I feel stressed out around him. I'd like to invite him to spend a day in my shoes... but it would kill him.
Anyway, I had to finish getting Mom's gift together, dress myself, Jillian, Josh, and Brandon, get us all ready, pack Jillian's food, diapers, juice, etc... and be out of the house by noon. He helped put the back on Mom's gift, then spent the rest of the morning hanging around doing absolutely NOTHING to help... couldn't he have waited until we left to do 'nothing'? He had at least 5 hours to himself that afternoon... the least he could have done to thank me for giving HIM a break with the kids, was to help me get them out the door.... **sigh**
A woman would have understood that. You'd never have to ask her twice, she would have already been helping.
Anyway, the BBQ Brunch at Mom's was great... I did the BBQ'ing, which to me is hilarious -- there were three 'men' in that house, and none of them know what to do with a BBQ... We had chicken breasts (hhmmm, I didn't know chickens had boobs), and the usual stuff. Mom made cheesecake, I'm sure I gained 8 lbs. Oh well. I gave Mom her gift, made her sit down, close her eyes, the whole bit... and it took her breath away... she cried, she couldn't talk, it was pretty emotional, and pretty special to know that I had made her a gift she liked so much.
She let me take a nap while she took care of the kids, and I slept sooooooooo soundly, it was unreal!! I was asleep by the time she walked to the kitchen after tucking me in It's amazing how much better one can sleep when one doesn't have to keep and ear and eye open incase the kids need something... here, at home, RM sleeps like there is no tomorrow, nothing, and I mean NOTHING wakes him up, so I always have to keep on alert, because I know I can't depend on him (hmmm, surprise) ... anyway, to keep this relatively short (too late, ha haaaa!), I slept great... didn't hear a thing, dreamt like a baby, slept like Jillian
RM picked the boys up a while after 6pm, took them to band practice, and Mom, Jillian and I took off to Ponderosa. I love the salad bar... Jillian hated their high chair, but Mom got to play Grandma (finally) and Jillian had a great time with her... she was a bit fussy, I think her shoes were bothering her... oh well, it was great
We picked up the boys afterwards, RM stayed behind at band practice, and I headed home with the kids after dropping mom off.
We roasted marshmellows at the kitchen table, on the candles. That's the kind of mom I really am, any given day. RM would NEVER do something fun and silly like that... Gosh no... Being a mom is my life... my kids are my life. Life's too short to be as anal as he is about things.
The kids finally went to sleep around 10pm (whew), and Jillian was restless after I laid her down, so I picked her up, and, this has to be the best thing about motherhood...
I watched her eyes flutter until they closed, and until she fell fast asleep... that has to be the most peaceful feeling in the world. Life rarely slows down enough in this house to get a chance like this, and Jillian rarely lets you hold her while she falls asleep, she wants to be in her crib, or else, lol...
SIGH... I was too tired to do anything else, I watched Law & Order, then fell asleep.
Monday was good... I was really busy with the kids. Picked up Boo after school, wrote a huge customer service letter to the grocery store for ticking me off the other day, dropped it off, picked up two or three things we were out of. Went to Radio Shack, and discovered that batteries for my camera are cheaper there... woohoo! Went to the bank to pick up something mom had forgotten there. Went to Bulk Barn to look at cake pans (rentals) to make the birthday cake order I got for next weekend, and to look for one for Josh, his b-day is in a few weeks.
Went to bring all the recycling items to the recycling center... went to the craft store, then the scrapbook store... then headed home.
This took us LESS than two hours, with TWO kids... I felt like a pro... ROTF
Came home, grilled pork chops on the BBQ, threw a pasta salad together, cooked some rice... RM came home, we finished supper, he took Jillian for a walk while Brandon played outside, I stayed in the house, because Josh was napping. I chatted with a friend I hadn't chatted with in MONTHS, I've missed her sooo much. Did some stuff around the house, filled out forms for Brandon for school, etc... don't remember anything else...
Woke up this morning, took a shower, (GASP)... got up and ready before RM, but Brandon's school trip was cancelled, due to the rain storm and gale force winds we were having. The power kept flickering.. ugh.
Hung out at home all day... did housework, (pine sol'd the bathroom, yeehaw!), fed baby girl, changed three hundred diapers (OK, exagerating, but it sure felt like it)... RM disappointed me by not getting home until 7 with Brandon, and not calling...
Ate supper, did homework with Boo, worked on getting the kids to bed... that took a few hours. Put all the photos in the albums, we hadn't done so since Christmas. I say 'we' liberally, RM hasn't even looked at the photos, much less put them in an album. I'm not so sure he can handle that either. Must be a man thing.
Anyway, that's my life in the last few days. Tomorrow's going to be even busier. SIGH...
And RM WONDERS why I'm tired sometimes?
I'd like him to spend a day ... wait... a WEEK in my shoes.
Posted: 2002-05-19 09:18
Wow, I've really been missing in action here... I've missed writing, but have been having a hard time finding time. There is a good reason for that -- I've been scrapbooking every day... it's amazing how good it feels to have something to call your own -- but I do miss my friends online, since I haven't been able to be online as much. Trying to curb my addiction
Anyway, 'nuff about all of that.
I don't think this will be a very long entry, RM is already getting cranky with me for being online. He spent ALL DAY online yesterday... but what's good for the male around here isn't good for the female. Funny, I don't complain about the things he does... if he's online all day, so be it, I don't care. I can take care of the kids, clean, scrapbook, do whatever I want, and he's not in my way. A lot of women wouldn't agree, but his freedom equals freedom for me.
I have been feeling totally great lately about the whole thing, and I've discovered why. How you look at things can greatly affect how you feel, how much fustration you feel... the list goes on. Let me explain how this has changed my happiness level around here...
When I look at 'DH' as someone who is my husband, I get fustrated because he's not there for me emotionally, he's not nurturing, he's not intimate, he lets me down all the time as a husband. He can't express himself, he takes me for granted, I don't feel valued... the list goes on. You only have to imagine how horrible it feels to live day to day feeling like you're alone, even though you're married. BUT... Although at first I was joking (yet serious) about him being a 'room mate', I did some serious thinking this week, and trained my brain to think of 'DH' differently. If I consider him to be my room mate -- which isn't hard to do, since we are totally like room mates, then why would I get fustrated if he isn't intimate? Who in their right minds would want to get intimate with their room mate? I don't expect him to help with the kids, he's the room mate -- why would my room mate help me with MY kids? Don't get me wrong, he does help with the kids... especially since I've been treating our relationship like he's the room mate, not the husband... maybe he's feeling guilty? Maybe he thinks I'm upset or something? I don't know... I've yet to figure it out. Since these changes, he's fed Jillian TWICE! Things seem to be... "lighter" around here!
There are moments, like this morning, for instance, where he's doing some housework, and I'm taking my time getting to it (having breakfast at the computer before he hogs it all day), and he's really being uptight about it... maybe he's jealous? But what about last weekend, Mother's Day, no less, when he slept in while I took care of the kids? What about the rest of the day when I cook the next two meals and take care of a baby for the day -- while he does HIS own thing?
Anyway... just to let you know how things are going on the homefront.
I'm happier and more stressfree than I've been in YEARS... and it's been great for the kids, I find I'm a better mom this week to them. Less stress and fustration.
I'll be back later to talk about the kids... especially Josh (and Jillian too, since this has been an EXCELLENT week for her!!!!)
The "It's all in the perspective" Quilt
It's 3:22 am, I've tried going to bed twice already, I just can't sleep. I'm a little bit tired, but not nearly enough to fall asleep. I'm bored, lonely, and just not in the mood to sleep
I just have too many things I want to do, but never enough time in the day to do them, kwim? I wrote a few more thank you cards today, and the guilt of not having gotten to them sooner was on my mind all day... and, after writing them, I discovered that we don't have any more printer paper... and I still have many of them to do! I'm going to WalMart tomorrow to pick up some paper. That should help -- but I feel guilty about not MAKING the time to do them... I am not complaining, I'm very grateful for all the things people have given to us and done for us, I just wish I had more time, so that I could have sent them already... People deserve an efficient, prompt response! Speaking of which, I'm way behind in emails and notes to my friends... another huge guilt trip! I feel like things are just slipping through my hands, that I just can't seem to get a grasp on doing everything promptly! Maybe it's because three kids and a house take a lot of time? I don't know... I think a big part of it is that we've been spending a lot of time outdoors, and I've been spending a lot more time scrapbooking, which is great... but I don't want my friends to feel that they mean any less to me just because I'm not writing as often, does that make sense? Tell me, am I losing my mind?
Anyway... I wonder sometimes if DH/RM reads this journal... he's been acting really sweet, and has been really patient and helpful lately. I don't know what's gotten into him. Absolutely NO intimacy at all, but it really seems like we've hit a point where at the least, we're at peace with the way things are. Maybe he senses my lack of fustration with him lately? He's trying hard to be considerate and kind. I like that. We had a wonderful day last Monday! He had mentioned that he wanted to go to band practice in the afternoon, so I suggested that he drop the kids and I at Rockwood Park, so that I could spend the afternoon there with them. I didn't ask him to come with us, because I'm tired of being rejected, I just assume he doesn't 'feel' like going, since he has never 'felt' like going anywhere with the kids and I (somewhere FOR the kids) in years. The next thing I know, he's putting the kids bikes, AND our bikes in the truck... he got all the helmets, Jillian's carrier, everything! I boobed Jillian, got her packed, and we all left... I was shocked. I brought both the digital cam and the APS cam, we had a great time. The conversation was light and pleasant... no stress
I explained what I wanted to do there (feed the ducks, go to the squirrel tree, see the horses, go through the trails, and visit the playground), and I thought for SURE he would argue. Not a word! He never said a word, never complained...
What the hell has happened to my husband?
I'm not going to complain, but he does scare me... What's going through his head? What's with the near-complete turn around? The cable service was out in our neighborhood Monday night, and what does he suggest??? That we play UpWords!!!! The game I bought him for our anniversary -- the very same game that I'd asked him to play a number of times, and got turned down. We had a great time, laughed our butts off!! We came up with the craziest words... he beat me, but I got the most points in one turn (30), which was nice
Sometimes, I get bummed out, because it's always when HE wants to do things that we do them... some of it is changing, though. Like the Rockwood Park trip -- if I had suggested that two weeks ago, he would have rather curl up with a skunk than join us. However, he invited himself along this time! That's great! I think that in a lot of ways, he seems more ... what's the word... uh... considerate of my thoughts, needs, wants... He seems to consider my feelings a bit more. That's totally new.
It's great... but again, he scares me when he does that. What's gotten into him? I am very, very skeptical when it comes to this relationship. He can't possibly spend FOUR long, hellish years ignoring me and neglecting me, and doing a near complete turnaround in less than two weeks...?
How would that be possible?
Is this a good thing, or a bad thing?
I'm still reserved, but I am noticing the changes and appreciating them while they are there. Part of me knows from experience that they won't last. He has crushed my heart way too many times to earn my faith in him in less than two weeks.
Jillian is doing great! I sat her on the floor the other day, and for the first time, she sat with her back straight, holding her hands up a little! She normally 'folds' in half and props herself up with BOTH hands planted solidly on the floor, lol! I got it on camera too, which was great! She's teething quite a bit, still no teeth, but she chews on everything, including on me when I'm trying to nurse her. I have a nipple that's about to fall off...
We got GREAT NEWS last week at her Dr's appointment! She gained again, she's now up to 13lbs 6oz!!! WOW! And 26.5 inches in height, which is another 1.5 more than two months ago The doc said that her heart murmur is completely GONE, which is what she credits this growth 'spurt' to! She said that it's quite likely that her hole has closed up, making her heart take a break and making her grow I got the answer to her skin on her arms/hands/legs/feet being purple often, it's called Reynauds Phenomenon/Syndrome, and it's probably harmless. It's usually something that is worse in adults, the Dr. said that it's not often that babies show signs of it, but that seems to be what it is. Anyway, she's doing great, she's growing, her heart is fixed... what a relief! I was soooooo excited the first few nights after her appointment that I barely slept!
Josh... he's struggling with being the middle child, I think. He's off into his own little world, and it's really hard to bring him back to the real world sometimes. He does as he pleases, and there's not many ways of getting through to him. He is a very, very sweet boy, but he's like a tornado around here. He flutters from room to room, leaving a TRAIL of debris and messes like you've never seen before in your lifetime... since our trip to Florida, he's been peeing standing up, much to my horror... If you're wondering what the big deal is about that -- picture a child who pees every hour. Picture a child who also sleepwalks, and needs to pee at night. Picture a child whose head is so often in the clouds, that he doesn't even know you're in the room next to him. Picture that child concentrating on what he's doing when he's peeing standing up... Do YOU think the pee goes in the toilet? I'm at my wits end with this issue, I really am. I'm NO Martha Stewart, trust me, but I strongly dislike going into the bathroom to pee and finding ... surprises... all over the seat, floor, and mats every time. What kills me the most, though, is that this could have been avoided. Someone taught him to pee standing up, against my wishes and even though I insisted that they didn't do that... and that's how the nightmare began. Before that, he was my pride and joy as far as sitting down to pee.
He can also be a very ... how shall I say this without making him feel bad, making myself feel worse... unclean little boy. A runny nose must be his favorite symptom of having a cold -- free flowing snacks. He eats not with his mouth, but with his entire face. Let's see... "Did you flush the toilet, Josh?" "YES!!" he replies with a huge SIGH of annoyance. I go to check and find all kinds of cute presents in the toilet. "JOSH!!!!!!!!!! Come here IMMEDIATELY!" I get an annoyed and snarky "WHAT?!?!?!?!" in response, huffing and puffing. I point to the toilet, and ask him to tell me the TRUTH when I ask him if he flushed it. He just doesn't get it... he keeps saying he flushed it, when I KNOW he didn't... Here comes the kicker -- I also ask him if he wiped his bum afterward. "YES!!!!" is his sarcastic reply. I point out to him that it must have been magically disappearing toilet paper, or invisible wipes or something, since there aren't any in the toilet. I also ask him if he at LEAST washed his hands with soap? "YES!!! **GROAN**" He is getting totally impatient with me. I check the soap... dry as a piece of burnt toast. I am nearly at the point where I'll be needing a wig -- I am pulling my hair out! This goes on ALLLLLLL day.... over and over and over and over and over and over again!
Someone PLEASE explain to me the reasons why a four year old can not comprehend that his hands must remain outside his pants at least a few minutes at a time, a few times a day? This boy has BOTH hands stuck on where the sun ALWAYS shines, 24/7. I CRINGE at the thought of him playing with Jillian, I mean... he never has clean hands!!!! EVER!
It's mortifying! I love Josh to bits, I don't play favorites between him and Brandon, but Josh is my sweetheart -- however, I've been having a really hard time relating to him lately -- I just don't understand what it will take to work through these issues... I can NOT afford to spend my entire day following him around the house and making sure he shuts a door after he's done, or shuts the drawer when he gets what he needs out of it... and anyway, it would be a wasted effort - tell him something 6429 times, and he still does it "his" way the 6430th time. I'm afraid that he's becomming a complete nightmare now that Jillian's crawling... I can vigilantly check the floors when it's her playtime, but unless I follow HIM around all day, will I see the marbles, the legos, the pieces of paper, the small toys, the elastics, the.... Beyond that, he's just a constant mess waiting to happen, and he just doesn't care. He'll pee all over the toilet seat, turn around and leave. He'll drop juice on the floor, turn around and walk away without thinking twice about it. He won't even say "oops, MOM, can you help me, I had an accident with the juice..." Nothing! He'll open the pantry and leave it open, he'll leave the water running on the FEW occasions that he's forced to wash his hands... he can NOT complete ANY tasks without being harrassed for hours on end... "Josh, please get dressed. Josh, DRESSED, NOW! JOSH, go to your room, GET DRESSED... JOSH, I ASKED YOU TO GET DRESSED, YOU WILL GET DRESSED! JOSH... JOSH!! You are still in your PJ's, we need to go, GET DRESSED NOW! JOSH, here are some clothes... underwear, socks, pants shirt... you know how it works, PUT THEM ON!!!!!!!!" 6pm, Dh gets home from work... OK, realistically, it would be about 7pm... and Josh is still in his PJ's... I think DH must wonder if I even try, or what the heck it is that I do all day... and that makes my blood boil.
What the HELL am I supposed to do with him? He's the lasiest, most distracted child I've ever, ever met. Other than my brothers... Oh God... no, not one of those.... Uh-oh...
I mean, I'd LOVE to spend more time just playing with him, quality, Mommy-Josh time... but after spending my entire waking hours on his *** to wash his hands, sit down to pee, flush, wipe, clean up his toys, his mess, his spills, shut his doors, drawers, windows... get dressed, get dressed, get dressed... If he'd just take those 7 hours off of my day, I'd have 7 hours to spend with him... kwim?
He's turning into a monster!!!
On the other hand, he can be the sweetest, most loving, helpful little boy.... he LOVES his sister, is becoming a wonderful big brother -- he plays SO well with her, and worries about her constantly -- he asks if she can play with this, or that... or if she's hungry, etc. He gives her toys, talks softly to her... dream child!!! He picks flowers for me, gives me hugs and kisses... he's angelic at times... but when he loses that halo under his bed somewhere... watch out!
I just want my son back... I just want a little bit of order in this chaotic world of his... I'd like to know what's inside his head, and how we can meet halfway. He's becoming a little spoiled, because I just don't have the time to devote my entire day to JUST him and his problems, kwim? I mean, I have a baby to take care of too, a house to clean... and him to spend time with. If I waste all my time reminding him of what he needs to do, what time is left for anything else? God did a great job making mothers, but where are the other extra 24 hours in a day he was supposed to give to us to get ANYTHING accomplished?
As for me, well... I'm here, aren't I? 4:23 am and I can't sleep.
I'm totally sexually fustrated! I don't want DH to go anywhere near me, it just gives me the chills even thinking about it, yet, I'm lonely, I'm in serious need of a tender touch, intimacy or some kind, nurturing, something. I just don't want it from him anymore. And that seems to be just fine with him, since he hasn't gone anywhere near me since sometime in February.
My head is here, working 24/7... my heart is with my kids, of course, but it's also out there, walking around somewhere... it's just not here. There is something that brings it happiness other than the kids... something that brings it love -- but that very something is something that the heart shouldn't have... shouldn't want... shouldn't need... but does anyway.
Posted: 2002-05-23 14:20
Tomorrow is Josh's birthday. Why is it that when his birthday rolls around, I have absolutely nothing planned, ever? I want him to feel special, I really do, because he is special, very, very special... but there are only so many things I can do in a day, kwim?
I'm going to run into town tonight to get his cake pan, he wants a race car cake, and then I'll shop for gifts, even though I've no idea what to get him... does anyone else leave birthdays to the last minute? I feel like such a horrible, horrible mother!!!
He just came in, muddy from head to toe, he left big puddles of mud from the door to his bedroom, dumped his muddy clothes on the carpet in his room, his socks were soaked WET with mud... And I had spent the morning cleaning floors and doing laundry.
My husband has no idea the fustrations I go through to keep up around here.
Posted: 2002-05-23 15:58
That post up above was my 2500th post!! I want to celebrate it by saying "Three Cheers" to my buddy Connie for all the work she does packing, and working, and being a mom... Go girl go!
And yes, I'm glad Princess Jillian (PJ), aka Chunky, is finally growing too
Love you Connie -- here's to another 2500 posts! May many of them be here
Hi to my other buddies too... all the Treats Moms... Maaaaachelle (that's how Josh says it ) My friends at the Jul 00 Moms board, the Sept Sweeties... my buddy Marie who is still holding her little girls inside that beautiful, sexy belly o' hers Janine who always inspires me... Kelley, my Aloha Friend MammaRenee, my hero & mentor... Julie, the Breastfeeding Goddess, My Special Penguin -- Love ya! The list goes on, and on, and on... I have Sooooooooooo many friends here! Too many to list! LOVE YA ALL!
Posted: 2002-05-24 12:15
I think I'm stressing out a bit... need to unload!!
Today is Josh's birthday, and since I'm the only one in this family capable of doing anything to celebrate someone (God forbid I'd leave it up to RM, ROTF), I'm carrying the weight on my shoulders again. I'm not complaining, but I'm feeling the stress. I got home at 11pm last night after doing cake supply and birthday gift shopping. Josh was still awake (GASP!!!), and he told me NOT to make the cake last night, because he wanted to 'help' me. So I waited... I feel asleep by midnight, I was wiped. Dh didn't get anything for Josh, I had to get it all -- I even got the gifts 'from' my mom, I owed her some money, so I figured I'd do his birthday shopping from her FOR her, since I know she doesn't have time either. I woke up this morning not wanting to get up knowing the kind of day ahead of me...
I finally got the cake made, it's cooling down. It turned out OK, but now I need to decorate it, it's past 1pm, and I can't reach DH, I don't know if I need to pick up Boo or not after school... I managed to take a shower and wash my hair, I haven't made lunch yet, I'm just a total unorganized mess. I just remembered last night that our mixer isn't working, so that does NOT help. I'm trying to figure out the best thing to do...
I **Think** I'm going to pack up the frosting ingredients and supplies, pack up the kids, the cake, the 'stuff', and head to Mom's in time for Brandon getting off the bus, and just finish making the cake there? That way I'll be able to start supper there when I'm done with the cake.
What a chaotic day.
Nothing new, though, seems like every day is like this!
Oh well... Happy Birthday, Josh, I hope you appreciate the effort... I'll post cake pics later -- unless it's a complete disaster, ROTF!
The Frazzled BDay Boy Mommy Quilt
Posted: 2002-05-24 13:19
I think I'm completely going to lose my mind... the sad thing is, no one in my real life has a clue what I go through in the course of a day... Dh's answer to everything (NOT that I can get a hold of him today) is "Relax"... or "Don't worry about it", or "Why are you so stressed, what's the big deal"... UGH!
I'm leaving to pick up Brandon, Jillian has MEGA bum rash, the cake stuff is packed, but I honestly don't know if I can get it all done... I don't even know if his presents are wrapped or not, honest to God, I swear one of these days (but not on Mother's day ANY year, of course), I'm going to get a full day off.
If I don't do any of this stuff, Josh doesn't get a birthday. What kind of pressure is THAT?
Somehow, I'll get through today... and no one will be any more thankful than they were yesterday... I just wish, for ONE day, that my family would appreciate me as much as my REAL friends do (the ones online). My husband and kids just think that all the work I do magically comes out of my ears or something. A la Mary Poppins.
Update: It's now 3:36, and I'm finally at Mom's, I dropped by the craft/scrapbook store to pick up something my neighbor needed, too bad (but probably a good thing) I didn't have my wallet/purse (forgot that), or I would have gotten 'me' some things too I'm going to scrapbook this weekend, damnit!
Speaking of scrapbooking, I had tears in my eyes at the mailbox today (no, not bills -- well, those too... but....) BETH!! OMG!!! I'm just going absolutely NUTS -- I got a package/letter from my friend Beth, from Wisconsin, and it's got TONS of ladybug scrapbook stuff I've NEVER seen in my life!!! OMG!! I don't know how to thank her enough -- maybe once I get this cake made and this birthday done, I can sit down and get my thoughts straight enough to thank her... wow, maybe that's JUST what I needed to get me through today... along with a beautiful, gorgeous pic I received in the mail of my friend Heidi and her sweetie pumpkin' Kayla... what an awesome, heartwarming, make your day kind of picture....
I'll be OK! I will be OK! Gotta love that mailbox -- it seems to know JUST when to make me smile...