I didn’t get to bed early last night so I’ll try again tonight. I don’t know what it is with me, I mean to get a good night sleep but I’ll read a book or watch a show and the next thing I know its 10:00. B was extra cranky last night and I thought it was because he was tired but after a cat nap he was still cranky so I guess it was mostly him being hungry. He did play on his horse while I made dinner and he’s so cute playing with the horse’s ear and smiling. He didn’t sleep too well, went down fine but I got out of bed 3 times and DH got out of bed 2 times because he wanted his pacifier in the middle of the night. Last night made my mind up for me, we are going to break him from this pacifier habit at night and I’m planning to do it this weekend. I know he’ll cry and be unhappy and I’ll be tired but it has got to be done. I can and will be strong and determined. Hopefully after 2 nights he’ll be set but I’m sure it’ll be more like 3-5 nights. I’m trying to finish the Baby Whisperer before Friday so I have a plan to follow, I should be able to accomplish that.
I need to get started on my Christmas thank-yous, e-mail some pictures of B to family and friends, and get the guest bedroom ready for Maren. She’ll be up tomorrow so I will be able to get out of cooking, yippee!
I talked with my SIL W yesterday and she said STEP will cover what their insurance won’t for Liz as long as they are in a specific income bracket. Well my brother makes a decent amount and I’m sure they’ll be out of the income bracket, though I didn’t mention this to W, and if STEP won’t cover the costs it sounds like they aren’t going to have them work with Liz. She said they don’t want a $500 bill with STEP so she’d work with Liz on her own and then if she doesn’t improve they’ll go to them. Honestly $500 is worth it to help your child get to where they’re suppose to be and they spend thousands on 4-wheelers, motorcycles, and accessories so what’s a few hundred to help your child? They’re selectively cheap and this isn’t something they should be cheap with. W is going to see what she can find on-line and at the book store if it comes down to this, let’s hope it doesn’t.
I’ve decided the only way I’m going to hold myself accountable for what I eat and if I do/don’t exercise daily is if I keep a daily log. I didn’t want to do this but I’m going to have to because I’m not cooperating. The last time I lost a decent amount of weight was when I did this so I know it can work and then after time maybe I can be use to what my limits are and keep going without the log, we’ll see. So starting today I’m tracking my calories, cholesterol, and exercise with a max of 1200 calories & 200mg cholesterol. I also am setting a goal of 30 min minimum of exercise. My cholesterol has been pretty bad in the past so I figure I better keep my eye on that.
I finally got my bum in bed at 8:30 and it was really nice. I was a good girl and didn’t turn the t.v. on when I got home so I was able to get quite a bit done and cleaned up so we’re ready for Maren tonight. I also did decent on my calorie intake but I didn’t exercise since I went to bed (that’s the naughty in me coming out). So I had 1,237 calories and 160 mg cholesterol, not too bad and a decent start I think. Today I have my meals/snacks planned through lunch but we’re going to eat out tonight (doesn’t make counting calories easy) so I’ll have to watch my portions and hope my dinner stays under 520 calories. I’ll also have to pass on any drinks with calories.
B was so cute eating his cereal last night; he took down the squash really fast and was crying half way through because he didn’t have food in his mouth every single second. He also had peaches for the first time (I thought they were a little tart but he sucked them down fast) toward the end of his bowl of peaches he was so tired he started to fall asleep in the high chair but he kept opening his mouth and eating, I wish I had a third hand to video tape that. He took his bottle pretty slow and I’m sure it was because he had two jars of baby food with cereal before hand but after some patience he did well. He went to sleep fast and I guess he woke at 10:45 and DH gave him the pacifier to get him back to sleep, I didn’t know this until this morning. He woke at midnight and went back down on his own then did the same again at 2:00. At 4:00 he woke and started crying so I went in and decided to do the PU/PD method with him. Of course as soon as I picked him up he’d stop crying so I’d put him down and immediately he’d start crying again. I had to pick him up about 6 times and the last time he cried longer in my arms (still only about 10 sec) and when I put him down he was very calm and just laid there. So I kissed him, covered him with the blanket, and told him to sleep 2 more hours and that I loved him. I was so excited I wanted to wake DH and tell him but I thought I better not. I heard him talking/playing over the monitor for about 30 min after that but then he was out until I woke him at 6:00 (at which point he greeted me with 4 toots, DH thought that was pretty funny). So tonight I’m going to stick with the PU/PD method and hopefully by the end of the weekend he’ll have taught himself to self soothe without the pacifier. As long as I stick with it I’m sure it will go ok, it’s really hard to not regress into the old habits just to get more sleep and calm him faster. Stay strong!
I was a bit late this morning, 5 min, for work because I had to take B to daycare since DH had some on-site work at 7:00. We were the first ones there and they hadn’t even finished sweeping the side walks yet, it’ll be a long day at day care today. It also snowed a skiff last night and the Interstate was a bit icy so people were driving really slowly. That just helps me practice my patience and when I saw a truck in the ditch I figured going slow couldn’t hurt.
DH is working until Maren gets here, could be anywhere from 4-6, and I’m not sure if he’s taking tomorrow off or not. B’s 6 month appointment is tomorrow so I’m taking the afternoon off, it would be nice if DH was there with me but not a requirement. Well off to another meeting then billing and scheduling needs to be done, so much fun I can hardly contain myself!
Maren arrived around 4:30 so DH picked B up from day care, he’s also taking today off so he can go to breakfast with Maren before she leaves. It was nice chatting with her, she’s so animated and such a talker, she gives me a run for my money. I didn’t get to bed until 11:00 so I’m a bit tired today, I’ll probably shoot for an early night tonight. B was really good last night, probably because he was held most of the night and had lots of attention. He ate all 8 oz of the bottle and had 1 jar of carrots w/ cereal and 1 jar of peaches w/ cereal, such a big eater. He slept the whole night without a pacifier or waking up, it was marvelous, though DH woke me up to DTD so I didn’t sleep the whole night through (it was well worth it). B woke a little after 5 and cried while I was in the shower but once I was dried off and ready to soothe him he was sleeping again so that worked out nicely.
I did some yelling at work yesterday, really not what I wanted to do but sometimes things just push you too far. Long story short, a vendor of ours was trying to increase the price for materials we have on a contract with them through the end of the FY. We’ve been telling them for a month that they can’t re-bid the pricing and they are tied into providing these parts for us at the contracted price. I had orders that hadn’t been put through for over a month because of this crap so I did some yelling because he was arguing with me when the legality is on my side. I did get an apology after he talked to their legal department, not sure what part of “contract” he didn’t understand. My blood pressure was up for a while and I haven’t been that angry for quite some time, let’s hopes I don’t get there any time soon.
I’m only doing a half day today so I can be at B’s 6 month appointment; I’m really excited to see where he’s at on the growth chart. Hopefully he’s passed all of the 5th percentile marks.
I did better than I thought on my calorie intake yesterday, since we had pizza (I had thai pizza so it wasn’t greasy) and I had a beer I thought I’d be way over the 1200 mark but I came in at 1278 calories and 122 mg cholesterol. That explains why I still felt hungry last night. I didn’t exercise because Maren was up so I need to be a good girl tonight and this weekend. I at least feel good that I’m taking the first step, finally, and I know I won’t be perfect. We now have so many leftovers that I’m not cooking tonight, that will be a nice break.
I’m hoping to spend the weekend at home to do a quick clean of the house, write our Christmas thank-yous, read, and relax. We found out last night that the wife of one of DH’s high school teachers that he was close with died on Wednesday and he said he’d like to make it to the funeral. That would mean another trip to RL and I’m not sure I have it in me. If it’s this weekend I may see if he would be willing to go by himself but if not I’ll suck it up and be there. I just want a weekend to relax and not whack out B’s schedule.
I’m so happy it’s Friday and I better get to the projects I need to finish before I head out.
B's 6 month appointment went really well, she's happy with his growth and says he's doing a great job catching up. He still hasn't broke the 16 pound mark, I could have sworn that he had, and he's a bit over 24 inches. His head is now in the 90th percentile and last time it was in the 50th not the 5th, she either said it wrong or I heard incorrectly. His pediatrician said that when they're catching up like he his their heads get really big first and then the rest of their body catches up. She said he probably won't do the tripod sitting position because he's so busy with his hands and always wants to grab things. He can do the tripod but it's pretty rare. He had some weird marks on his neck I wanted her to look at and she said it's from the excess spit sitting there so we put diaper rash cream on it last night and it already looks better. I'm going to put A&D on it from now to prevent it from coming back. His ear looked clear, today should be the last day of anitbiotics, and he took the shots really well. He cried when it was happening but once I cuddled him he calmed down and was happy. We have to go back for his second flu shot in a month but at least the immunizations are done until his 1 year check up. I was talking with the nurse, she's the original one when we started but she went on maternity leave so she hadn't seen B since he was about 6 pounds, about immunizations and people choosing not to have their children immunized and she made a really good point. For the kids out there that can't receive immunizations because they're immuno compromised, those that choose it for other reasons put those compromised children at more of a risk. How devastating would it be to have your little one get a disease that should be controlled with vaccines when they're already at risk with their immune system? Hope this didn't offend anyone but it was a view point I hadn't realized on the issue.
B STTN again, woohoo! He did fuss around 5:00 but then he was out until 7:00 when I woke him up because I didn't want our schedule to be too off for the day. After he ate this morning he played on the floor then sat on my lap while I was on the computer, he's so enthralled with the screen and the keyboard, he was happy watching me for 20 min. He's sleeping now and I need to get a shower in before he wakes up.
DH and I watched Little Miss Sunshine last night, it was really good. We were interrupted half way through, as always, when Mark called but they hadn't talked in a while so that was fine. Then DH wanted to get online to play a tournament so that put finishing the movie on hold. While I was waiting I started up a web page for B so family and friends can see updated photos of him, then I'm not sending everything through e-mail and clogging up their inboxes. I have a few more pictures to post but I'm almost done. I didn't get to bed until after 11:00 so I'm a little tired but that's ok, I'll have to get to bed earlier tonight so I'm not beat at church tomorrow.
I did really well yesterday, 1,188 calories and 76 mg cholesterol, but I didn't exercise. DH bought me a caramel roll yesterday so I had that for breakfast and can't find anything on calories for them so I estimated high and will have to be a good girl today. I'm making parmesan salmon (very low in calories) for dinner so I should be ok as long as I control my snacking. DH bought some cookies and I have stayed away from them and I'm very proud, my self control with food is horrible. He's a stinker for even bringing them into the house but I love him so I won't kick him out.
I have to do a quick clean of the house today, pay bills, and write thank yous. Tomorrow we have to recycle, go to Costco, and I have to do the books for the store. The weekend is going to go fast but they all do.
B STTN again lastnight, woohoo! That's 3 in a row without him waking for more than a 5 sec fuss once. I'm so happy but yet I'm still not completely rested. I stayed up too late again last night, Kill Bill was one and even though I didn't really watch it I some how became interested in the ending. B is sitting in the tripod really well not and I put him in his Johnny Jump-up last night and he was turning and jumping like a madman. I was so proud of my monkey.
We recycled the Christmas tree and our recycling pile today, that's nice to have done. We also did our shopping at Costco and Target and I have the books completed as far as I can (DH forgot the check register in town) so now it's time to relax and do what I want to do, not sure what that is yet because it's very rare for me to be in this position. Laundry is in the process and my reunion letters are ready to mail so maybe I'll read and play with B to pass the rest of the day. And maybe a nap too, that would be nice. I also finished adding pictures to B's web page but that kept me from exercising last night, along with my procrastination.
I did really well yesterday with the diet (except for exercising) I had 1161.5 calories and 74 mg of cholesterol. I was even able to have a fudge bar because my calorie intake was so low after dinner, that was nice. We did think about going to DQ until I looked at the calories in a Blizzard, holy crap I'd have to fast for a day.
Well off to enjoy my lovely day.
I just got up from taking a nap with B, he's still sleeping soundly. DH ticked me off after my last entry. Since I was doing the books for his store he fed B and didn't really seem to slow down and enjoy it at all, but whatever. Once he was done feeding him immediately he puts him on the floor and heads downstairs to play on the computer. Leaving me to feel (yet again) like he can't give up time on the computer to spend some time with us. I feel like B and I are almost a burden to him, we're great to spend time with when HE feels like it (ie there aren't any online tournaments to play or football games on) but if he would rather do something else that's fun and away from us then we aren't even a blip on his radar. I want him to get on the floor and play with B, watch what he can do and cheer him on. Don't sit on the computer and cheer because B knows you aren't giving him your full attention and it won't kill anyone to give their kids their full attention at least once a day. I want him do something with us as a family, 6 months is not too early to start that. I want him to acknowledge me and my need to do something on my own that's fun. He's such a self centered selfish man, I just want to kick him in the shins. He's been down there for 3 hours now and he'll come upstairs when he's hungry and not for any other reason. It's the same **** every weekend and frankly I'm tired of it, but no matter how many times I say something he still doesn't get it. Men!
I pretty much ignored DH last night so of course he was all loving on me because I was paying attention to things other than him. He did have to take care of B for awhile because I was on the phone. Though that was short lived, maybe 20 min he held him while watching football, then he said he was showing tired cues so he put him on the Boppy in front of his kicking toy and of course headed downstairs to the computer. B was happy there for a little while then started fussing so I put him in the Johnny Jump-up so I could interact with him a bit while finishing my conversation and making dinner. When we ate dinner B was on my lap and really wanted some of my Szechwan Shrimp (I must say this recipe was great, low fat, spicy, and yummy), he kept opening his mouth for the fork and reaching for it after I didn’t put it in his mouth, he was pretty cute.
B didn’t do well with eating yesterday; I don’t think he likes the texture of the bananas. He basically skipped one bottle feeding and during the last feeding he took the whole bottle and we then tried to have some bananas and he started gagging and puked (the fountain of fun) all over himself, me, the highchair, and the floor. I hollered for DH to help me, he cleaned the chair and floor while I cleaned B and myself. I figured B was going to wake up last night wanting food because he had taken in so little and sure enough 3:00 he’s awake and starts out talking then yelling for us. DH gave him 6 oz and put him back down, B hollered some more so DH gave him the other 2 oz and he finally went back to bed. Of course this morning’s bottle was a struggle because he wasn’t hungry but I at least got 5 oz in him before I had to leave for work, hopefully DH had some luck after I left.
He took the last of his antibiotic last night so hopefully that ear infection won’t be back this time. DH is taking him to his first funeral on Wednesday; he’s leaving after B eats that morning for RL and will be back that night, at least its only 2.5 hours both ways. I’m surprised he’s taking him but I guess he figures people will want to see him.
I did so well with my calorie intake again yesterday that I was able to have a fudge bar, mmm. I didn’t exercise (yes I know) but my calories were 1134 and 196 cholesterol (this is from the shrimp but well worth it). I’m starting to get use to not eating/snacking so much and I fell pretty good. Now I just need to get the exercise incorporated and I’ll feel great!
I talked with my mom last night and she said SIL talked with a friend of hers about STEP and this friend had all 3 of her boys go through it and spoke very highly about the program. We’re hoping this will sway (if needed) them into going through with taking Liz to STEP.
Day care has 2 new babies so B didn’t hardly sleep at all yesterday, 2 hours total. One is about 10 months old and the other is 2.5 months. The 2.5 month baby eats 2 oz every 1.5 hours, I think Amy was about to die from exhaustion. B did roll a few times for them so I was happy to hear that, I think I need to leave him alone on the floor and watch from a far distance to see if he’ll push himself to roll. Since he was so tired I didn’t give him any cereal after his 8 oz bottle and he slept from 7:30 to 6:00 with one short talk in the middle of the night. I got about 7.5 hours and I feel great, now I just need to make sure I get in bed at a decent time tonight. Kelly told me I’m her favorite mom and that she missed talking with me last week because DH picked B up a few times, it was sweet to hear. She’s also the one that adores B, he has her wrapped around his little finger, and she calls him her man baby because she thinks he looks like a little man.
DH raved about dinner last night and I’m not sure why because it wasn’t THAT good. Maybe he’s just trying to show his appreciation for dinner and diversity. He hung out with me a bit then headed downstairs to play a game. I was looking through a crochet book and found a pattern I want to do so I think I’ll pick up some yarn and beads one of these days to get started. I miss doing crafty things and I just need to get these things out in the open where I can remember them.
I did well again yesterday with my diet but still no exercise, eventually I’ll get there I swear, 1152 calories and 176 mg cholesterol. I stepped on the scale this morning and am down about 5 pounds, it was nice to see. Can’t wait to see where I’m at in a month, maybe I can fit into the rest of my clothes then. I’ve been doing good planning our dinners the night before so when I get home I know what I’m making and have everything ready to go. Tomorrow night will be an easy one since we have so many leftovers that I need to just do soup and sandwiches so we don’t get overloaded. I try to plan our lunches so we can grab leftovers instead of having to go out to eat, that helps save the waist and pocket book a bit.
Daycare thought B was constipated yesterday, though I had an explosive diaper in the morning but I didn’t remember that when they stated their concern. He kept trying to go potty all night and right before bed I massaged his tummy we had another explosive butt so hopefully he’s no longer plugged up. He did a lot of giggling when we first got home but last night and this morning he’s been doing a lot of whining when I put him down and I’m not pleased about it. He’s trying to be held all the time and whining for no reason at all and I think someone at daycare has been rushing to him at every peep and it’s not making me happy. I don’t have time for that behavior so we’re going to have to ask daycare to not rush to him at each peep and to make him wait for attention at times. But the pacifier habit is gone, no more during naps, nighttime, or during the day so I’m very happy about that. He was so tired when we fed him the bottle but he woke after being burped so I was hoping to get some cereal into him, that didn’t happen. He went to bed fairly fast and STTN so I got another great night of sleep. He did wake shortly after 5:00 and hung out with me in the bathroom as I did my hair then the tolerance was gone and I fed him a bit before 6:00. He ate fast so I had plenty of time to get his bottles, cereal, Bumbo (we use this as a “high chair” when we’re on the road), toys, and diaper bag packed into the car for the trip to RL. I also checked the tires and fluids in the car since I knew DH wouldn’t do it, isn’t this suppose to be the man’s job? I got the dishwasher emptied and reloaded and picked up around the house so I don’t have too much to do tonight. I hope DH and B have a good/safe trip and that the storm doesn’t hit until after they get home. At least the subzero temps aren’t suppose to be here until tomorrow so that’s something.
I didn’t do as well on my diet yesterday because I went out for lunch with Chris, but I figure one day over a week won’t hurt me. I also didn’t exercise, I know everyone’s shocked! I had 1471 calories and 105 mg cholesterol. DH told me he was proud of me sticking to my diet and following through. The good thing is he’s being forced into eating better (at least for dinner and lunch when he remembers to take leftovers) with me, now we just need to work on his snacking. I have my meals planned for today and I should do just fine staying under my allowable even with grilled cheese sandwiches and soup for dinner. I like having my dinners planned the night before, it makes me more apt to cook at night and not order pizza. I’m now to the point where I should be at my pre-pregnancy weight within a week so I’m going to make my annual appt and not feel so fat and worthless when I go. I know doctors mean well when they talk to you about your weight, it’s their job to keep you healthy, but I hate it when they just give you negatives and make you feel even worse. The last time I lost 20 pounds I didn’t even get any credit for my hard work and it kinda ticked me off, oh well. I’m now going to a different doctor than the one I had been seeing and saw through my pregnancy. Dr. D was gone during my last check up and the doctor that did see me, Dr. W, was the one that scheduled my induction and also delivered B. I went to her at my 6 week check up because she’s the one that was there and DH said he likes her better. She’s more personal and is very straight to the point and that’s what DH liked. So I figured I’d stick with her since we do plan to have another baby at some point. Every time they gave me “not so good” news at my check ups it was all I could do to keep from crying, I had no strength at all and for the most part things were pretty ok (at least compared to other situations). I just don’t know how women can be strong when it’s just bad news after bad news, I don’t know if I could do it. When they first said my amniotic fluid was lower than it should be I knew that was going to be our major issue. I wasn’t concerned about the swelling in my legs as much and in the end it was the lack of fluid that made me go early. I still feel guilt about not having enough fluid and B not getting the nutrients/fat he needed from my placenta, not that there was anything I could do about it. I just pray my next pregnancy doesn’t have any of those issues and that our next is at least over the 5 pound mark. I’m just now realizing/acknowledging how lucky we are that he didn’t have to go the NICU, thank God for my “big” boy. The nurses kept saying, “He thinks he’s a big boy.” And they called him peanut the whole time we were there; those are good memories.
I didn’t care for the main lactation consultant at the hospital (she was the only person there that I didn’t like everyone else was great). She was very blunt, which was fine, but when you’re dealing with women that are especially emotional don’t be a ***** about things. I’m sure she didn’t want to give me false hope about producing enough milk but she could have been a bit more sensitive and supportive. My first meeting with her I was alone, DH and my mom had gone to lunch with my IL’s, and when they came back I was trying so hard not to cry and everyone knew something had upset me. I guess one of the nurses told her that she needed to work with me and not push me to give up because I was really trying hard and determined (not sure which nurse that was but I sure appreciated that). I wasn’t going to give up on breast feeding without first giving my all and trying everything I could and at least the second lactation consultant acknowledged that. She explained to me what my options were and how to try to increase my milk production, she also kindly (after I asked) told me what my chances were of producing enough milk and how long to give the options a try before “giving up”. For 2 weeks I fed B with a supplemental system (it’s a canister of formula you clip to your bra and when you BF you tape a small tube from the canister over your nipple so when baby latches on they also take the tube in and are at least getting the amount of food they need while stimulating your breast), took Fenugreek, and pumped for 15 min after each feeding. My milk supply didn’t improve at all and it kept getting lower so after being exhausted by this system I called it quits. The last time I BFed I was pretty sad and apologized to B for not being able to give him milk, but I soon got over it and am happy with formula. I may actually switch to formula fairly fast with our next because it allows anyone to feed the baby and gives me a bit more freedom. I’ll probably BF (that is if I’m capable) for the first 6 weeks and then move to formula.
I’m not sure where all of that came from, just in the mood to reminisce I guess.
It has started snowing, and it’s coming down thick. I called DH to let him know and he’s just now leaving RL. It’s normally a 2.5 hour drive and I hope most of the drive is snow free. I’m not sure why I’m so worried, he’s a good driver in snowy conditions and he’ll go slow if he needs to. I guess the fear of him getting into an accident and something horrible happening to him and B is on my mind, I’m a worry wart at times. I’d feel better if I was with them, though I’d probably worry just as much.
On another note, DH said B kept laughing at the funeral for about 5 min. He’d look at one woman in particular and start laughing. I hope it helped some people and didn’t hurt anyone. I would think a baby’s laughter would only bring smiles but some people would probably find it rude and inappropriate, if a 6 month old can be rude and inappropriate.
I’ll keep saying my prayers.