I was exhausted once we got home, I almost took N & M up on their offer for coffee but I thought I was going to make a latte so I passed. The latte didn’t happen unfortunately. I was feeling stressed with all the stuff I wanted to get done and DH helped a lot with making L’s bed, reaching the tape on the ceiling I couldn’t reach, and putting decorations back on the wall. He asked if I was going to paint and I said no I was too tired. He was too so it worked out. I did tape the last of what I needed, cleaned, and put things back in place in the kitchen. You can’t tell the color has changed all that much but it looks brighter and warmer. I’m really happy so far. I didn’t get to bed early but I slept great. L woke right before I was set to get up because she had ANOTHER accident. I asked her if she was doing this because her cousin B still wears a pull-up and she said no. I told her this is to stop right now or I will be putting her back in pull-ups at night. Stripping the sheets in the middle of the night and washing them daily is not something I plan to continue to do. I’m at a loss with this one. I was up after that and had time to take most of the pictures off the west and south walls and patch nail holes that don’t need to be there. We had a nice morning and the kids were in good moods. B has been enjoying not having to go to school these past couple of days and really wore himself out playing yesterday. Tonight my goal is to get the two coats of paint on the trim and doors then strip the walls of all that is on them. We don’t have to go anywhere this weekend so I’ll be working nonstop. Saturday I’ll wash the walls, tape, and paint two coats. The kids are excited to help so I’ll put them to “work”. Sunday I plan to paint the trim (there’s hardly any on these two walls!) and put the decorations back. I then have to bake skull cookies for both kids to take to their school Halloween parties. At this point I have no idea how many I have to bake but I think it’s going to be a lot. Since we’re GF I always feel like I need to bring something so the kids can have what others can have. My goal is to have the house back to normal come Sunday night.
I dealt with another cyst this week and I think it was a big one. It gave me some side pain and I’ve been spotting for 3 days now. The herbs I bought to try to help were really gross the one time I tried them so I’ve been taking a female tonic tea, obviously that along didn’t help. I did a search on ovarian cysts and one theory is it’s our body’s way of expressing us bottling things up. I tie it to my miscarriage since it started after that and I think maybe I haven’t fully mourned and released my loss. I am going to see if I can find something to help me with the release that can also symbolize the baby we’ve lost. I think another part of my problem is that I also haven’t physically moved on and gone back to where I was before I got pregnant with not only my weight but also my overall health with diet and exercise. I need to return to being me and caring about me. I need to make exercise a priority since I do enjoy it and it makes me feel better physically and emotionally. I need to feed my body healthy food it thrives on and only enjoy treats occasionally. I need to get back to where I was. It’s OK that I still feel sadness over the miscarriage and that I still cry at times about it. It’s OK that I’m not over it yet and it will be OK if I never get over it.
Coming into work today was welcome because it’s given me a break from all the work at the house, that’s so sad! This weekend was exhausting and productive. Friday I wrapped up the work on the trim and doors on the north and east walls plus I took all the decorations down from the south and west walls. Sleep was so welcome when I finally got it. Saturday the kids were up shortly after 7 and I pulled myself out of bed and started working as soon as they were settled to watch Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. I moved everything but the piano and TV away from the walls and had breakfast cooking by the time DH got up. I wasn’t terribly impressed with how much he had slept in. He did help me with the piano and moved the TV but was annoyed when I told him the mess of cables needed to be cleaned up and cleaned off (can we say dust bunnies?). He did make it more manageable for me to work around before he left for work. I wasn’t too pleased when I realized he didn’t get the large ladder set up for me and sent him a text letting him know, he did at least swing by and get it up for me later on. It was a beautiful day and I was a bit sad I was spending it inside washing walls and taping. This took me hours to do and my goal of having started painting before DH got home was not accomplished. The kids were a bit bored and L refused to nap so there was a battle thrown in the midst of all my work. Add some meals in the mix and it’s a miracle we were ready to paint once dinner was over. Oh and I managed to drop 1/3 of our pizza on the floor ruining it hot out of the oven, I’m awesome! B was excited to finally start painting and I became stressed when I saw thick lines of paint drying and his running around tore the plastic cover from the wall. Needless to say I ruined his fun and he was crying, I felt horrible and apologized many times. By the time we had two coats of paint on both walls I was beyond exhausted but I removed all of the tape and figured after 13 hours of working I deserved some wine.
Sunday the kids were up way too early and I wanted DH to step up to the plate and let me sleep but that didn’t happen. He did get out of bed before me but I was awake and by the time I joined everyone he said, “Maybe mommy can get us breakfast now.” Gee, thanks. He had at least started taping so we could paint the trim and after breakfast I followed behind him to protect the floor. It was a nice stopping point so we got ready for the day and ran to Costco and Target to get some things done then it was home for lunch. The rest of my day was filled with two coats of paint on the trim, laundry, making cookie dough, cleaning windows, and putting the living room back to normal. It all looks nice and I’m happy it’s done but I sure could have used another day off to just relax and maybe pull some carrots from the garden. I missed spending time with my kids just doing something fun, they didn’t get the attention they usually get and we’re all missing that. Before bed I sat them down and read two stories from both of them, it was a great half hour. Unfortunately it didn’t help L behave when going to bed and that put all of us in fowl moods.
Tonight I have a busy to-do list again but it’s different work this time around so that’s a welcome change. I do need to finish putting pictures back on the walls but mostly I need to bake skull cookies for the kids’ Halloween Parties on Friday. We will have to get out and enjoy some fresh air when we first get home and I’d love to rake up some leaves for them to play in, that’s always a necessary Fall activity.
No outdoor time for us yesterday because it was raining and it was a gray depressing feel so that wasn't fun. DH picked the kids up for me so I got started on dinner and made a tuna noodle salad for dinner tonight while I was at it. I'm a bit burned out on crockpot meals and we'll be having one on Friday in case MIL decides to eat dinner with us. After dinner I went straight to baking the skull cookies and a tad over 100 cookies later I was done and focused my energy on putting the last of the decorations back on the wall before heading to bed. I'm still feeling drained and hope to make tonight an early one.
B has swim lessons and then we'll work on homework and thank-you's after dinner. I am going to do a kickboxing workout and then hit the bed, sleep is top priority.
My top oven is being fixed this afternoon and I'm looking forward to having it back again, I'm a bit dependant on two ovens I guess. DH is also cancelling cable today. We can watch most everything online and the cost for the same service went up when Optimum took over so this will save us some money. We did record a lot of shows for the kids and I hate to admit it but I'm really going to miss my Real Housewives, it's sad that I'm so addicted and I'll probably pay to watch it on itunes. I'm hanging my head in shame right now.
Last edited by lifeisgood; 10-25-2011 at 01:05 PM.
Exercise has not happened this week and food has only been so/so. I opted for sleep on Tuesday night and I was still tired but felt better on Wednesday. Last night I figured I should start frosting the cookies for the Friday parties and thank God I did. I took me over an hour just to get the white base on the cookies and it was well after 10 by the time I got to bed. I’m exhausted again today and have quite a bit to do tonight. I’ll put the black on the skull cookies, clean the house, and prep the crock pot. I’m not even pretending I’ll get some exercise in so I need to stick to my food plan for the day. It will be hard with freshly frosted cookies but I’m strong and I will say no.
I had my heart broken a little bit yesterday and I’m tearing up just thinking about this right now. Clearly I still have issues over this from my childhood. L told DH that little A from DC told her that if she eats too much fruit she will get fat, well something along those lines. I took it as he said she was fat and I was fuming. I’ve never wanted to punch a kid square in the face until that moment and my first reaction was to tell L to do that. Of course common sense came over me and we both reiterated that eating fruit makes people healthy, that she is healthy and her body is exactly how God wants it. She seemed OK with it and I hope our words over power his, my fear is that a seed has been planted and she’s only 3! I remember how devastated I was when I overheard my parents talking about whether I needed to go on a diet (which looking back I DID NOT need to, I was healthy and active and had the body shape God gave me), I was maybe in 2nd or 3rd grade and I didn’t have a negative body image of myself up to that point. Once I heard that and started getting comments/teasing from other kids I started to look at myself in a bad light. How f***ing dare them! All of them! Of course it’s expected from kids but my parents? I still struggle with this. I need to take this as motivation to become a positive and healthy role model for L. To say to her, you have mommy’s body shape and I’m healthy and not fat. To show her that we are strong and muscular, not scrawny and weak and we can be proud of our bodies. I have to get there first.
*No offense to anyone scrawny it's just not who we are.
I got a lot done last night. It was a really nice day so we headed to the back yard and raked a big pile of leaves so the kids could play in it and invited N and the girls over. We had a nice visit and then I busted out dinner (along with the crock pot dish) while the kids watched some TV, they both were tired. Once dinner was done I started decorating the cookies and had them done by the time the kids were in bed. I then cleaned the house and packed everything (cookies, costumes, & lunch) and hit the hay. I was feeling tense in my shoulders and talked DH into giving me a quick back rub, it put me right to sleep.
L woke around 4:00 with some wet panties but she stopped herself before she had a full on accident so that was good. I forgot to put the crockpot on before I left for work so I hope DH can get home and get it turned on in time. B has his Halloween party today and they get to wear their costumes after lunch. He can't really get in and out of his without help so we sent him in all black (his favorite color) and he can wear his ninja mask after lunch. DC is having their Halloween party and dance recital this afternoon so L will be a munchkin and then the kids will have some fun before we head home for the night. MIL is coming up and may or may not stay overnight with us. Either way is fine with me.
My goal tonight is to get sleep. Tomorrow I plan to work on raking leaves and pulling carrots then we have TWO Halloween parties to go to, it should be fun but crazy. Sunday I want to have a quiet day at home and I need to bake some cookies for a coworker that is newly GF and has a birthday to celebrate on Monday. I think I'll make some oatmeal cookies, they sound so yum.
Overall the weekend was nice, well it ended nice so that was good. Friday I met MIL and DH at DC and L did great with her dance. She was so cute and tried really hard. We headed home and I prepped dinner while MIL played with the kids and after dinner she decided to stay the night. Thankfully DH was home a little early and did some prep work in the guest bedroom. I was in bed shortly after 10 and up early on Saturday to get breakfast made before DH left for Msla. MIL hung around for a bit and after she left I chatted with my mom then got ready for the day at noon. Naps were a struggle and it didn't help that I was emotional and dealing with some feelings tied into the miscarriage. L was being very defiant and I tried everything to get her to sleep, it was a 2 hour process. I tried lying down with her, leaving her alone, putting her back in bed when she'd come out of the room with no talking, and holding her down. She bit me when I was holding her down so I bit her back and she screamed bloody murder. It was so bad I thought maybe I bit her harder than I had planned so I turned on the light and looked for marks but didn't see any. I was a crying mess at this point and felt like a horrible mother, I will never do that again. I don't even know how I finally got her to sleep and then I got B to sleep and I had to put an eye mask on to get my puffy eyes under control. It sucked. Once B was up I started getting us in our Halloween costumes and then woke L to get her dressed. We headed to N's 30 min early to help with the final prep work and the kids had a really fun time playing. The food was great and I had to get B to focus on joining the activites N had planned, he was being a bit rude not wanting to participate. About 2 hours in I had to round him up to head to the other party and I felt bad because most everyone else left at the same time. The other party was fun and everyone was nice but B was exhausted and had 2 meltdowns within an hour. It's a bit embarassing to have him break down over little things and then he doesn't even focus enough to see people are trying to help him. We were there for 1.5 hours then headed home and DH and I relaxed on the couch watching a movie the rest of the night.
Sunday we all slept in a bit and had a very lazy start to our day. Once we were all dressed we headed outside because the weather was warm and gorgeous. I think it was our last nice day for the year. We played in the pile of leaves, cleaned up the garden, harvested the onions and carrots, played duck-duck-goose (it was so much fun), played with the neighbors, carved pumpkins, and ended the night looking at constellations and Venus. I also did laundry and made brownies and oatmeal cookies for a work party. We had a great day as a family and I really needed that after my rough day on Saturday.
Things are finally quieting down so I plan to get back on track with my exercise and diet this week. Exercise will have to wait for tomorrow since we'll be tied up with Trick or Treating tonight but I can at least keep my diet within the calorie range.
DH and I are trying to figure out how to help B with two boys that are bullying him at school. I told him to defend himself and fight back if needed but I'm debating whether we should get him into some martial arts classes. It could at least teach him some self defense and give him confidence. We are going to talk with his teacher next week at Parent/Teacher Conference to try to get some insight, it's just so frustrating.
You are NOT a horrible mother - I would do the same thing if C or D tried to bite me. Thinking of you all and hoping these stinking hormones and emotions calm down for us soon. I am thinking of a lavendar scrub or mint bath... hmmm relaxing. Now just to find the time to do it.
BTW we are thinking of doing the same with D - I have a list of local classes I want to visit before we enroll him.
Oh yeah... I bite my kids back, too. They hate it, but it gets the point across.
Ryan and Rachael
Parents to Chase, Abby, Hunter, Rachel, Caleb, Hannah & Nate
~Remembering sweet baby Oliver, born to Heaven October 20, 2009, & keeping Carole in our prayers~
Thanks ladies, I know I'm not the only one to do it but man she pulled on my heart strings. I'm sure she was more scared than hurt.
DH was home when we got there and he and B played soccer outside with L and I threw dinner together. It used up the roast and potatoes I had leftover and was really yummy. Too spicy for the kids though, oops. L fought on eating dinner and finally she finished so we got her costume on, took pictures, and headed out to Trick-or-Treat. N and her family were coming to our house as we were leaving so we hit our street together and if was fun seeing the kids running to the houses together. L loved it, she was so happy to get candy and ran a lot. At one point I thought she was going to throw an elbow as she tried to get around some kids. She was asking adults handing out candy what they were going to be for Halloween, telling them to brush their teeth, and saying "Happy Trick or Treating!" After we did our street I went home to hand out candy and clean carrots, I know it was exciting! DH took the kids to the street north of us and then they came back and B was in a bad mood. He had tripped and was mad about it, it drove us crazy that he let it ruin his night. L wanted to go out some more to DH took her and B and I hung around the house and handed out candy. We didn't get as many kids as we usually do so we have a lot of candy left over. B was in bed when DH and L got home and then L was close behind him. It was a fun night but I indulged in a bit too much candy.
Tonight we have swim lessons for B and I need to pick up some groceries on my way to get the kids so we can do sandwiches for dinner. It's going to be early to bed for the kids and then I will do some kickboxing and head to bed myself. Our cable is officially off, they had reduced us to basic for a week and then last night it was kaput. Now to get used to not watching TV, this will be good for me.
Yesterday was a bit rough after work. I had a stressful end to the day with issues that need to be dealt with and then B was having a break down because he lost a piece of paper from Kindergarten that he wanted to show me. It was another ridiculous display of him losing total control of himself and hysterically bawling over something small. I couldn’t get him to calm down at DC so I took him out to the car and had to yell to get him to focus on me and calm down. It took 5-10 minutes for me to get him to pull himself together and explain that big kids don’t communicate like that, babies do. He was given two options, get a hold of himself and calm down so we can go to swim or keep up his hysterics and go home and straight to bed. He opted for swim lessons and things were fine after that. He’s showing more confidence in the water and I’m happy to see the improvements at swim with him. Once we got home I whipped together an impromptu pasta dinner, thank God is tasted good, and DH gave B a bath. After we ate B and DH started a fire and I gave L a bath and we had a nice night of stories and looking through a toy catalog. B asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said I’ll probably ask for some Cathe DVD’s. He said “Cathe makes you sweat”, yup and that’s the point. Once the kids were in bed I did 30 min of kickboxing then wasted some time and went to bed at my normal time. Food included some treats throughout the day and I’m going to make sure today is more on track. My two goals for the day are no sugar and no eating after 8. I will also get a Hiit workout in and start cleaning the house. If I stick to 1250 calories a day and keep my exercise going I can be down to my pre-miscarriage weight by Christmas, that’s a big motivator for me. I also want to look and feel good when we go to Fairmont for the IL’s 50th so it’s crunch time.