Wow its been awhile since I updated this. Everything has been okay here I guess. A doesnt come around much anymore unless its his weekend for the kids. He is to involved catching up on all the partying he missed doing and the life he always wanted but I wouldnt let him have. I get mad sometimes that he gets to do whatever he wants and I still have to sit home and be with the kids. I know that sounds bad and I love my kids but Im still young too. Damien is fully crawling now and is starting to cruise along the furniture and has 4 teeth. Quinton is doing great also he is starting to talk so much more and picks up on everything. Things are still going great with J and I. I guess you can say he is pretty much living here now. Thats one of A's many excuses on not coming to see his kids much. But I have to make dinner so gotta go and hopefully I can start updating more soon.
Been awhile again since I have updated but he is about everything that has been going on. I stopped things with J about 2wks ago and A and I agreed we wanted to give our selves another try. So we began looking for an apartment and was set to move in to a beautiful one on June 11th and things seemed to be going okay. Well Sunday night I let J sleep on my couch because he got locked outta his house and when A came to my house Monday morning he freaked out because J was here. Even though my door was locked A got in some how I think my dad gave him a key but Im not sure. So A and I had this huge fight out in the front yard then went for a car ride and talked for awhile and I explained stuff to him and he seemed fine with everything we even came home and dtd twice. He stayed til about 8pm that night before going home to go to bed for work. Well the next day which would be Tues. he came here on his lunch break and said he was going to write me a note about some of the things he was feeling and would drop it off after work so I said okay. Well when he got here after work I had him run me to the store to get milk and we talked about what was going to happen after we moved and talked about Damien's birthday. When he dropped me off he gave me the note and a kiss goodbye. Well I came in the house and read the letter and it was a note saying it was over he wanted a divorce . I couldnt believe it the freakin coward couldnt even tell me this to my face. I walked outside cause I needed some air and fell to the ground crying I just couldnt believe it. I then called him and he wasnt home yet so I told his mom to have him call me as soon as he got home. Well I guess he tried and my phone didnt ring in so when I called him back he had already left his house to go to his friends house. So I called his cell phone and I went off on him. I said so many mean things I wasnt even thinking. He then told me what a ***** I was and a bunch of other bowl crap. He then hung up on me and I called him back and I said something about him being a horrible father and he said fine I wont have anything to do with the kids then and I said good cause Im not letting you see them ever again and hung up on him. I didnt mean it but he had me soooo mad. About 15mins later he tried calling me back but I was to upset to talk to him so I didnt answer it. Well Wed. I called him because I needed to borrow $80 from him so my electric didnt get shut off and he was nice enough to give it to me. I told him that I was filing for custody and until then I wasnt letting him have the kids because I dont trust his mother enough that I will get them back. And I asked him to please think twice about ending our marriage and we talked for like an hour and all I could do was cry and ask him not to do this. He told me he would think about it and let me know in a couple days. I asked him if he was going to still get that apartment and he said yes if he could afford it and was prolly gonna have a friend move in with him. Well Wed. night my parents had a huge fight and my mother left my father and moved to Pennsylvania. I have always had issues with my father because he is such a jerk. So now Im stuck in the apartment living above him and my mother is gone. Im super close to my mom and cant live with out her. Well I called A at work today and told him he needed to let me know what he was doing because if we werent getting back together I was moving to PA with my mother and all my family. He told me to call him in another hour so he would have a bit more time to think and I said okay. Well I called him back and he said he cant forgive me about the J thing and wants a divorce. So here I sit crying getting a divorce at 20. Im supposed to move this weekend. Im just so lost I dont know what happened. A says Im a strong person he knows I will get threw this and Im trying so very hard but it hurts so bad. Well I gotta start backin a bit hope to be able to update a little later.
Santania, if you ever want to talk sweety, I am here! I am so sorry you are going through this. My phone number is on the contact list that I pm'd everyone a while back! You are a strong woman and you can make it through this. I love ya girl!
So I was gone for a long time so this is gonna be a long entry. I almost forgot about this here til I was surfin the boards and Im glad I found it. Well since June my life has been rocky. I accepted the divorce at first said I could be A's friend although I didnt let him take the kids for 6wks til I had custody. I started working at the end of June I became a c.n.a at a local nursing home. I gave things wit J another go and we went good til about August. Then he got into some trouble and went to jail seems loike when I lost him my life started becoming screwed up again. I lost my job cause I had no one to watch the kids while I was working. I had asked A to do it but when I said I wouldnt pay him he told me no. I didnt sign his stupid divorce papers either I wanted to drag it on as long as I could make it cost im more money. And it did I know he had to give his lawyer another $1000 for going to all the court hearings. I had to move but I didnt mind it cause I got a 2bdrm house. Around Sept. A sucked me back in he told me he wanted me and his family back together and we were getting along fine for while. I know now all he wanted was someone to sleep with. He met some girl offline in the middle of Nov. and went and spent 2wks with her. He fought me in court to be able to have the kids on Thanksgiving well he spent it with her and her kid and didnt take his on that day or that weekend as it was his weekend. Never even called the whole time he was there. Freaking loser!! So yea he is back to only talking and seeing us when he takes the kids on his weekend. Damien cries everytime he has to go its like he dont know A. This past weekend A had them well he calls me Friday night and asks me if I fed the boys dinner Im like A your son is 3 yrs old ask him if he is hungry he will let you know when he is. Then Sat. night he calls me about 11pm because Quinton is screaming for me and wont stop so I tell him to put Q. on the phone. Q kept telling me he wanted to come home I started crying I hate doing this to them. I told A that if he didnt stop to bring him home to me. He told me if he was going to bring Q home he was waking D up and bringing him too I told him to do whatever he wanted. Well he didnt bring either home. A quit his job so he could get his child support payments lowered. He was payin me $91 a week now Im only getting $40. I asked him to sign his rights over seems how he has nothing to do with them anyways but he said his mom would kill him if he did. So I dont know things are still a bit crazy in my life but getting a little better. Im glad to be able to be back online.
Sweety! It is so good to hear from you! I am so sorry things have been so rough! I meant what I said before sweety! If you need to talk ever, I am here!
Pop over to the July board! We would all love to hear an update on the boys! And if you have any new pictures. Laura (Mylaura2001) and I were just talking about you the other day wondering about you and the boys!
I am thinking about you Santania! HUGS and I hope you have a wonderful Christmas!
CJ~12yrs, Madilynn~10yrs, Gracie~5yrs and Brent~4yrs.
Hey thanks Robin I am so happy to be back here and have some adults to talk to. I quit counciling and started bottleing everything up again why I have no idea I was just sick of having someone stare at me and feeling like they were judging me and not understanding me. As for today we went out side and played in the snow then came in and had cocoa. D is really cranky today I think he is teething in the rest of his teeth cause he also isnt sleeping well. Q is being a little brat tormenting D and into everything sometimes I dont know what I will do with him. His behavior has gotten really bad since the seperation and he absolutely does not listen to me he is constantly hitting me. Its hard to handle him by my self Im glad my father is staying with me cause Q does listen to him. I asked A if Q was like this out there and he said no he is perfectly behaved so I dont know why he isnt here. But my little sister offered to watch the boys tonight so I could go out with some friends so that should be fun and its something I need.
That will be so nice for you. I am so jealous. I wish I could go out.
And hon, the boys will get through this. You are an amazing woman and an amazing mother to them. They will have their rough days with it, but because you are being so strong, you are teaching them to be the men they need to be. I am very proud of you!
Thanks Robin. I had a blast last night for the most part but I drank way to much and have a really bad hangover today. I cried over A lastnight. I cried cause I still love him I cried cause of how he treats me like I never even mattered to him I cried because he dont see how great our kids are and he dont wanna be there for them. And then I got mad cause I still care and he dont. Then I passed out. And today when I got my mail I got my finalized divorce papers. Its done its really over. Im now Santania L. Smith again. My mom said taking back my lastname is one step closer to getting over him. I have this front up to everyone like Im excited its done but I can seriously say I hurt so bad. Q has been horrible today. Some friends with kids came over and he hit there son in the face with a screwdriver. Then he wouldnt share with D. Plus he pushed D off a chair and D cut his forehead. I cant spank him and timeouts do no good. I dont know what else to try.When he is really bad I call A and he talks to Q but I need to start being able to do it myself I cant count on A anymore. Oh A gets to claim one of the boys on his taxes which sucks cause I was looking forward to being able to claim them both. Im also not allowed to move outta state which he knows I wanted to do. He put in it that I treated him cruel and inhuman. But its time for dinner so I will write later.
So A stopped by on Sat night. I was in the middle of gettin ready to go out and celebrate my divorce with some friends. He asked if I minded if he went I said I didnt care wat he did so he came with us. I had one drink before I seen a girl I didnt like and knew I had better leave before I got into some trouble. So A and I went and rented a movie and he came to my house to watch it. Well stupid me ended up dtd wit him and he spent the night. What am I doing? I really need to stop this. Mom told me to make sure it didnt happen anymore cause all Im doing is confusing myself and I know this but yet I still do it. Yesterday was a lazy day didnt do much except clean the house. Today Q dumped a bottle of finger nail polish all over my kitchen floor along with baby powder. Where he got them I have no idea so I spent the day cleaning again. And now Im relaxing and going to bed early.