Random Thoughts

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Joined: 11/11/02
Posts: 25
Random Thoughts

Okay so I need somewhere to put all my thoughts out there and I figured this is a good place. So it has been 3wks since we split up and its driving me nuts. We agreed nothing would change. Except we would live in different places and get some marriage counciling. We would still do family things and he would still be there for me and the kids. Well he hasnt done anything we agreed on. He doesnt call or come see us. He has taken the kids once. But I dont think thats enougH. I can count on 1 hand how many times he has just stopped to see them. And tonight was the last straw I wanted him here for Easter. He was supposed to spend the night to be here in the morning maybe that is asking a lot but its just something I wanted. Well I called him today before the birthday party and he asked him if he was still coming over he said he believes so then goes on to whine about how he didnt get to go out lastnight cause he fell asleep and he kinda wants to go out tonight. I say whatever do as you please you dont have any responbilites anymore. He tells me to call him when I get back in town so that he can come in and be with us. Well I called him at 5pm when I got home and of course he was out with his friends. His parents even asked who I was :roll: . I have been in their family for 5 yrs and they need to know who I am like he has so many girls calling for him. So its now 10pm and I havent heard a thing from him. I am dieing inside I dont know what to do I love him so much but we needed this break up so he would know he cant control me anymore and that he needs to grow up and be a husband and a father. And I think I just pushed him futher from us. I asked him a couple of days ago if he is seeing anyone and he told me no but Im not so sure I believe him. The boys are starting to call most males they see daddy and I am constantly correcting them. I just dont know what to do anymore. I think my depression is coming back and hopefully at my counciling appointment on Tues they can start me on something. His mom pulled me aside the other day and asked me what was going on with us and if I wanted him back. I told her he hasnt changed he still trys to control me and only cares about himself and we need councling. She said she hopes we get back together soon cause she can tell this is killing him. I dont think it is or he would call more or come see us. I finally had a good cry tonight too. I havent cried since we split up but tonight i let it all out he really hurt me tonight and I dont know if I can forgive this one. If he wants the single life and his stupid friends and bars he can have them cause Im not waiting for him to grow up anymore. I guess me and the boys dont mean as much to him as he keeps saying we do if he couldnt even give them up 1 night to come be with us. But this is getting long and Im crying again so Im gonna go.

Joined: 11/11/02
Posts: 25

So he calls me this morning about 10am or so and I freaked out on him. I didnt plan to but he had me so upset lastnight. So I yell at him for about 10 mintues and ask him if he is coming to see his kids today. He asks me if I have given them thei baskets and I tell him yes he then says well theres no point coming in anymore then is there. Hello it is still a holiday and you havent seen your kids in almost a week. :x So I say whatever and hang up on him. Well Q keeps asking for daddy so I decided to call him about 3pm and ask pretty much beg him to come see his kids. I feel so stupid doing this but it hurts to hear Q ask for him and hear him call everyone daddy. He tells me he is eating dinner with his family and he will call me back and let me know. We also talked and fought for about an hour about everything going on. I told him how upset I was lastnight that he chose his friends and the bar over his family which he has been doing a lot lately. He dont think he has been doing that. I ask him if he thinks this is permanent or if we are going to try and work this out with counciling. He didnt really gave me an answer just said that this is what I wanted and just cause i relised I wanted him back he still has things to think abuot. Then goes on to throw it in my face how I slept with someone 2 days after us splitting up and says if I called anything about him I wouldnt have done it that soon or at all. I dont know why I did I was just happy to know that someone still wanted me. I tell him I dont believe he hasnt been with anyone else and he says he has had plenty of chances but not taken up on any of them. I dont believe him for a second he lies to me to easy and this one sounds liek a lie. And just hearing him say that about killed me. So I am waiting for him to call its been an hour since we hung up so we will see what happens.

Joined: 11/11/02
Posts: 25

Well he called back after like 2hrs and said he couldnt come in he had some things to do around his mothers house before going back to work tomorrow but that he would come in tomorrow night and stay with us. He then said he had to go and would call me back later well he never did so Im not even counting on him coming and staying tomorrow night. I was talking to mom a little bit today about everything and she told me I need to let him go and work on me and my problems. Maybe she is right I mean if he dont want me then I dont want to force him to be with me. I hate having to force him to call or come see us. But its late and Im gonna go now.

Joined: 11/11/02
Posts: 25

So he came in after work yesterday and fell asleep :evil: and slept like all freakin day and night. If I knew he was just goign to do something like that I wouldnt have been nagging him to come in and see us. He did call of work today to ''spend time with us'' but he knew I had stuff to do in the morning and I was up all night with D and Q because both are sick and D is teething. So he got pissy there because he has always hated crying babies. I finally get D to sleep at like 3am and his mother calls at 5:30am and D woke up. Which made me upset because I hadnt gotten much sleep and needed to be up at 7am. So I have to take the kids to my parents because he wouldnt wake up and watch them. So when I get home at 10:30 he is still sleeping and I wake him up to spend time with the kids. He informs me he is hungry and wants me to make him something and of course I do. Then when the kids lay down for a nap I lay down for awhile to only to be woke up and hour later by his mother calling again. I dont understand why she cant let him grow up and live his own life. I swear some of our problems we wouldnt have if she would butt out and let him grow up and take some responsibilites. The boys need diapers and wipes so hopefully he will buy them this week for me seems how he wont give me money. I got a new babysitting job though so that I can still be home with the boys. The little guy I babysit is the exact age as D so we should see how this works out.But its time for dinner so Have to go feed the boys.

Joined: 11/11/02
Posts: 25

So alot of things have been going on besides the stuff with him and I. We found out about a week and a half ago that my sister was raped when she was 12 she is now 15. This is so hard for us to deal with in so many ways. One of the biggest one was it was done my my brother in law while my half sister videotaped it. We were kinda hesitant to believe her at first cause she is known to lie a lot but she told my mother she could prove it and then 3way called my half sister and talked about it. And my half sister fell for it and talked about it and even put my brother in law on the phone and he said it. And my mother, father and I all heard it. I wanna hurt her so bad for doing this to our little sister and prolly would have if she wasnt due to have a baby any day. They have 4 other kids too and dont have a 1 of them all of them are in foster care :evil: . And the messed up thing about all of this is my half sister was molested when she was a baby and now she has done it to her own sister. Well when my mother found out it was true she called the cops and filed charges. So 2 days after the charges were filed we seen it on the news that they were arrested and we found out a whole bunch of other stuff. Come to find out that they also took pics of my little sister and posted them on the internet along with the video. I guess Yahoo caught ahold of them and then contacted our state police telling them about the pictures. That was 2yrs ago the police couldnt do anything because the address my half sister put on her Yahoo account was an old one abnd the police didnt know who the girl in the photos were. So now my brother in law is in jail on $10,000 bail and my sister is out because she is due any day with the baby. They are both facing up to 40yrs or so in jail if found guilty. They are denying it all even though the police have all this evidence. My half sister even went on the news denying. She even had enough nerve to ask my Aunt for my sisters address so she could go see her :shock: So everything is very crazy here and I dont know how much more I can take. I havent talked to him since he spent the night but its almost not bothering me. But Im done writing for now.

Joined: 11/11/02
Posts: 25

Sometime I really do hate him. So he came and spent the night Friday night after he had gaming. Well before he went to gaming he ran me to the grocery store well I tried holding his hand and he wouldnt hold mine so I said whatever. But when he goes to drop me off the cute neighbor guy said hey to me and I said hi back so he freaks out why I have no idea goes on to ask me if I alwasy say hi to him and that the kid next door has a crush on me and I shouldnt encourage him then makes sure he kisses me while the neighbor kid watchs :roll: . So then that ngiht he gets back to my house about 11pm and I was kinda sleepy and falling asleep well he yells and says he didnt come to stay with me and watch me sleep and if thats what Im going to do he is leaving so I got up and put a movie in for us to watch. Not even half an hour into the movie he falls asleep :evil: So I wake him up off the couch to go into the bedroom so I could sleep too. Only he had other plans once we got into the bedroom even though I told him before he came to town I didnt wanna do anything because I have a cyst and it hurts. So I gave in and did it anyways to keep him happy. I was smart this weekend and shutmy cell phone off so his mother couldnt call us. So we sleep in til like 11 and I asked him to take me grocery shopping but he couldnt because he had to help a friend paint and his sister move. So I have yet to be able to get some grocerys but the neighbor guy is taking me tomorrow Biggrin . So he called me Sat. night but I was busy and told him I would call him back well when I did his sister answered the phone and said she would have him call me back well he never did. So then Sunday morning I call him again because I was having a big dinner and wanted him to come well once again she said she would have him call me right back and no call. So about 2 hrs later I call again and he answers and I asked why he wasnt returning my phone calls and he said his sister never told him so when he asks her she was like oh yea she called you :evil: . His family is evil and I swear none of them like me only pretend to cause I have their grandbabies. So I go on to invite him to dinner and he said he dont think he can make it because the weather is really bad out and he dont wanna tempt it in here. Well while we were having dinner his mother calls my dads cell phone thinking it is one of his friends phones and asks for him. Busted jerkoff!! So then he calls me not to long ago and ask me how dinner went and stuff and I tell him good. And ask him if he was with his friend tonight he stutters then I tell him not to lie to me cause I know he was and he says yea I was no big deal. I went off this is the 2nd time he has chose this stupid friend over a family thing. I hate this friend because when we were together this friend was always trying to get him to cheat on me. I hate how he treast me yet I let him do it. I really need to work on this and I hope counciling can help.

Joined: 11/11/02
Posts: 25

So I havent been writing here for awhile. Buut things have been kinda crazy. I think we are done or so he says he is filing a divorce. This past weekend I didnt have the kids and I had friends over one being the next door neighbor guy. Well some things happened and he spent the night Sat. night. Well stupid me forgot to set the alarm and make sure he was gone before A. showed up. So A walked in and found neighbor in bed with me. He didnt say anything really just got an angry look on his face and walked out. I chased after him and told him nothing happened that J and I were just friends. Well things were going okay I guess he forgave me or something like that. But I kept not talking to A and talking more with J and now I really like J. He is so sweet and so good with the kids. So I told A about us yesterday. He freaked out on me and told me he is gonna file for a divorce and take the kids so none of my men hurt them like I am sleeping around or something liek that. Im so confused right now I dont know what to do. I dont know if I should forget about this thing with J and try to work on my marriage. But Im so happy with J Im constantly smiling now and Im so happy but I didnt wanna hurt A this way. I dont know Im so confused.

Joined: 11/11/02
Posts: 25

So things are still going great between J and I. Yesterday A stopped by while I was at J's house but its only right next door so we seen him pull down the street. So I came over to see what he wanted. He was in my bedroom laying on my bed when I came in and I asked him wheat he wanted and he said nothign he just wanted to stop by :roll: . He never wanted to just ''stop by'' before but now that J and I are hittin it off he wants to. J doesnt want to start stuff so he always stays away but A still runs his mouth about him saying stuff like if he ever hurts the kids he would kick his butt or A thought they were friends yes they played Xbox together a couple of times but that doesnt make them great friends. I dont know Im really startin to get fed up with A's childish crap. He really pissed me off yesterday when he left too. Quinton was on the porch and he was saying hi daddy and waving and stuff and A ignored him and sped off :evil: my dad then starts going off on me saying I need to make A start paying attention to the kids and saying he is going to kick A's butt for not paying attention to his kids.I cant make A do anything if he dont want to take his kids or talk to him its his lose the boys are amazing and if they want nothing to do with A its gonna be his own fault. Thats also a difference between J and A. J is soooo great with the kids. He stayed over last night. And this morning when Damien woke up he told me to lay down and he took care of him. J's parents are trying to get him to join the army though and its something he has always wanted to do but he says now that he is finally starting soemthing with me he dont want to mess it up by leaving. I told him it would mess anything up but he dont believe me so he wants to put it off a bit. I really dont want him to but he said he dont care he is waiting and is just going to enroll in college for now. My parents had friends over yesterday and one of my mothers friends kept telling me what a glow I had to my face. I cant stop smiling Im so happy right now I love it. But its time for dinner so I will write a little later.

Joined: 11/11/02
Posts: 25

Okay so things are getting kinda crazy here and all I wanna do is crawl in a hole or just have a huge screaming fit. Sunday night A showed up outta the blue for what I have no idea. But I was outside playing with Quinton when he showed up and we were talking just fine and then Quinton kept screamin for J everytime A went near him didnt help when Quinton kept seeing J's mom. So I walked Quinton up to see J's mom and I could tell A was :evil: but I didnt really care. So when I come back outside I walk back down to the house and find A had gone inside so I took Quinton into my mother and walked upstairs to see what A was doing. I found him laying on my bed he does this almost every time he comes to my house. So I ask him what he is doing and he says nothing and I ask when he is leaving because I seen the clock and knew J would be getting to my house soon. And A said he didnt know. So I went out in the living room and was watching tv about 5 mins later A comes out and sits next to me. So we watch a little bit of tv and I was kinda ignoring him cause I just wanted him to leave so he tells me he is gonna go and ask me to help him up and me not thinking anything about it go to help him up and he pulls me down on him and trys to kiss and hug me. I didnt know what to say so I just oushed myself away from him and walked away turning off lights so he wouldnt try to stay. He walks after me and trys it again this time I slap him and tell him no it didnt phase him at all he acted like I didnt do anything. He then starts to mess around tryin to grab me and pull down my pants and whatnot I freaked and screamed and ran down my steps. My dad freaks out and comes out of his house yellin and freakin out on A wondering what was going on. I told my dad nothign to go back inside I would deal with it. So I tell A he has to leave and after a few minutes he finally did. And then Monday afternoon I had WIC appointment that J took me to and dropped me off and I was supposed to call him when I was done and he would come back and get me. Well when I was finished I called J to come get me. Well while J was waiting for me to get my checks A showed up. So to not cause any scenes and to stop J from tryin to fight A I just left with A. I told him on the ride home he wasnt allowed to come around anymore with out calling that I was tryin to move on and give J and I a try to see if anything could work out. He didnt seem to happy and I havent seen or heard from him since. He is supposed to take the kids this weekend so we will see if he actually does cause its also his birthday this weekend. And we agreed in the begining that our weekends with the kids that person wouldnt go out. Another thing buggin the crap outta me today. This morning J and I were wrestling around and playing with the kids on the bed. Just laughing and having fun well he was holding me down so Quinton could tickle me and he just looked at me and said I love you. :shock: I didnt know what to say or do I have known J for about 2yrs and he said he has always liked me but I was married so he didnt say anything. I dont know if he actually meant it or if it just came out and I dont want to bring it up to him incase he didnt mean it I guess. So yea Damien is starting to crawl which now has me chasin 2 little ones around. He has also started doing this little face when he gets excited its so cute everyone cracks up everytime he does it. I bought Quinton a bunch of water balloons and water guns yesterday so we all had a huge water battle today and I think I was the main one wet. But Im gonna go for now!!

Joined: 08/29/04
Posts: 51

Hey sweety, hope you don't mind me posting here, but I have been thinking about you and I really hope all is well for you and the boys! I am ready for an update girl! HUGS!

Joined: 11/11/02
Posts: 25

Wow its been awhile since I updated this. Everything has been okay here I guess. A doesnt come around much anymore unless its his weekend for the kids. He is to involved catching up on all the partying he missed doing and the life he always wanted but I wouldnt let him have. I get mad sometimes that he gets to do whatever he wants and I still have to sit home and be with the kids. I know that sounds bad and I love my kids but Im still young too. Damien is fully crawling now and is starting to cruise along the furniture and has 4 teeth. Quinton is doing great also he is starting to talk so much more and picks up on everything. Things are still going great with J and I. I guess you can say he is pretty much living here now. Thats one of A's many excuses on not coming to see his kids much. But I have to make dinner so gotta go and hopefully I can start updating more soon.

Joined: 11/11/02
Posts: 25

Been awhile again since I have updated but he is about everything that has been going on. I stopped things with J about 2wks ago and A and I agreed we wanted to give our selves another try. So we began looking for an apartment and was set to move in to a beautiful one on June 11th and things seemed to be going okay. Well Sunday night I let J sleep on my couch because he got locked outta his house and when A came to my house Monday morning he freaked out because J was here. Even though my door was locked A got in some how I think my dad gave him a key but Im not sure. So A and I had this huge fight out in the front yard then went for a car ride and talked for awhile and I explained stuff to him and he seemed fine with everything we even came home and dtd twice. He stayed til about 8pm that night before going home to go to bed for work. Well the next day which would be Tues. he came here on his lunch break and said he was going to write me a note about some of the things he was feeling and would drop it off after work so I said okay. Well when he got here after work I had him run me to the store to get milk and we talked about what was going to happen after we moved and talked about Damien's birthday. When he dropped me off he gave me the note and a kiss goodbye. Well I came in the house and read the letter and it was a note saying it was over he wanted a divorce :shock: . I couldnt believe it the freakin coward couldnt even tell me this to my face. I walked outside cause I needed some air and fell to the ground crying I just couldnt believe it. I then called him and he wasnt home yet so I told his mom to have him call me as soon as he got home. Well I guess he tried and my phone didnt ring in so when I called him back he had already left his house to go to his friends house. So I called his cell phone and I went off on him. I said so many mean things I wasnt even thinking. He then told me what a whore I was and a bunch of other bowl crap. He then hung up on me and I called him back and I said something about him being a horrible father and he said fine I wont have anything to do with the kids then and I said good cause Im not letting you see them ever again and hung up on him. I didnt mean it but he had me soooo mad. About 15mins later he tried calling me back but I was to upset to talk to him so I didnt answer it. Well Wed. I called him because I needed to borrow $80 from him so my electric didnt get shut off and he was nice enough to give it to me. I told him that I was filing for custody and until then I wasnt letting him have the kids because I dont trust his mother enough that I will get them back. And I asked him to please think twice about ending our marriage and we talked for like an hour and all I could do was cry and ask him not to do this. He told me he would think about it and let me know in a couple days. I asked him if he was going to still get that apartment and he said yes if he could afford it and was prolly gonna have a friend move in with him. Well Wed. night my parents had a huge fight and my mother left my father and moved to Pennsylvania. I have always had issues with my father because he is such a jerk. So now Im stuck in the apartment living above him and my mother is gone. Im super close to my mom and cant live with out her. Well I called A at work today and told him he needed to let me know what he was doing because if we werent getting back together I was moving to PA with my mother and all my family. He told me to call him in another hour so he would have a bit more time to think and I said okay. Well I called him back and he said he cant forgive me about the J thing and wants a divorce. So here I sit crying getting a divorce at 20. Im supposed to move this weekend. Im just so lost I dont know what happened. A says Im a strong person he knows I will get threw this and Im trying so very hard but it hurts so bad. Well I gotta start backin a bit hope to be able to update a little later.

Joined: 08/29/04
Posts: 51

Santania, if you ever want to talk sweety, I am here! I am so sorry you are going through this. My phone number is on the contact list that I pm'd everyone a while back! You are a strong woman and you can make it through this. I love ya girl!

Joined: 06/24/12
Posts: 252

:bighug:

Joined: 11/11/02
Posts: 25

So I was gone for a long time so this is gonna be a long entry. I almost forgot about this here til I was surfin the boards and Im glad I found it. Well since June my life has been rocky. I accepted the divorce at first said I could be A's friend although I didnt let him take the kids for 6wks til I had custody. I started working at the end of June I became a c.n.a at a local nursing home. I gave things wit J another go and we went good til about August. Then he got into some trouble and went to jail seems loike when I lost him my life started becoming screwed up again. I lost my job cause I had no one to watch the kids while I was working. I had asked A to do it but when I said I wouldnt pay him he told me no. I didnt sign his stupid divorce papers either I wanted to drag it on as long as I could make it cost im more money. And it did I know he had to give his lawyer another $1000 for going to all the court hearings. I had to move but I didnt mind it cause I got a 2bdrm house. Around Sept. A sucked me back in he told me he wanted me and his family back together and we were getting along fine for while. I know now all he wanted was someone to sleep with. He met some girl offline in the middle of Nov. and went and spent 2wks with her. He fought me in court to be able to have the kids on Thanksgiving well he spent it with her and her kid and didnt take his on that day or that weekend as it was his weekend. Never even called the whole time he was there. Freaking loser!! So yea he is back to only talking and seeing us when he takes the kids on his weekend. Damien cries everytime he has to go its like he dont know A. This past weekend A had them well he calls me Friday night and asks me if I fed the boys dinner Im like A your son is 3 yrs old ask him if he is hungry he will let you know when he is. Then Sat. night he calls me about 11pm because Quinton is screaming for me and wont stop so I tell him to put Q. on the phone. Q kept telling me he wanted to come home I started crying I hate doing this to them. I told A that if he didnt stop to bring him home to me. He told me if he was going to bring Q home he was waking D up and bringing him too I told him to do whatever he wanted. Well he didnt bring either home. A quit his job so he could get his child support payments lowered. He was payin me $91 a week now Im only getting $40. I asked him to sign his rights over seems how he has nothing to do with them anyways but he said his mom would kill him if he did. So I dont know things are still a bit crazy in my life but getting a little better. Im glad to be able to be back online.

robin26's picture
Joined: 11/23/03
Posts: 74

Sweety! It is so good to hear from you! I am so sorry things have been so rough! I meant what I said before sweety! If you need to talk ever, I am here!

Pop over to the July board! We would all love to hear an update on the boys! And if you have any new pictures. Laura (Mylaura2001) and I were just talking about you the other day wondering about you and the boys!

I am thinking about you Santania! HUGS and I hope you have a wonderful Christmas!

Joined: 11/11/02
Posts: 25

Hey thanks Robin I am so happy to be back here and have some adults to talk to. I quit counciling and started bottleing everything up again why I have no idea I was just sick of having someone stare at me and feeling like they were judging me and not understanding me. As for today we went out side and played in the snow then came in and had cocoa. D is really cranky today I think he is teething in the rest of his teeth cause he also isnt sleeping well. Q is being a little brat tormenting D and into everything sometimes I dont know what I will do with him. His behavior has gotten really bad since the seperation and he absolutely does not listen to me he is constantly hitting me. Its hard to handle him by my self Im glad my father is staying with me cause Q does listen to him. I asked A if Q was like this out there and he said no he is perfectly behaved so I dont know why he isnt here. But my little sister offered to watch the boys tonight so I could go out with some friends so that should be fun and its something I need.

robin26's picture
Joined: 11/23/03
Posts: 74

That will be so nice for you. I am so jealous. I wish I could go out.

And hon, the boys will get through this. You are an amazing woman and an amazing mother to them. They will have their rough days with it, but because you are being so strong, you are teaching them to be the men they need to be. I am very proud of you!

((((((HUGS))))))

Joined: 11/11/02
Posts: 25

Thanks Robin. I had a blast last night for the most part but I drank way to much and have a really bad hangover today. I cried over A lastnight. I cried cause I still love him I cried cause of how he treats me like I never even mattered to him I cried because he dont see how great our kids are and he dont wanna be there for them. And then I got mad cause I still care and he dont. Then I passed out. And today when I got my mail I got my finalized divorce papers. Its done its really over. Im now Santania L. Smith again. My mom said taking back my lastname is one step closer to getting over him. I have this front up to everyone like Im excited its done but I can seriously say I hurt so bad. Q has been horrible today. Some friends with kids came over and he hit there son in the face with a screwdriver. Then he wouldnt share with D. Plus he pushed D off a chair and D cut his forehead. I cant spank him and timeouts do no good. I dont know what else to try.When he is really bad I call A and he talks to Q but I need to start being able to do it myself I cant count on A anymore. Oh A gets to claim one of the boys on his taxes which sucks cause I was looking forward to being able to claim them both. Im also not allowed to move outta state which he knows I wanted to do. He put in it that I treated him cruel and inhuman. But its time for dinner so I will write later.

Joined: 11/11/02
Posts: 25

So A stopped by on Sat night. I was in the middle of gettin ready to go out and celebrate my divorce with some friends. He asked if I minded if he went I said I didnt care wat he did so he came with us. I had one drink before I seen a girl I didnt like and knew I had better leave before I got into some trouble. So A and I went and rented a movie and he came to my house to watch it. Well stupid me ended up dtd wit him and he spent the night. What am I doing? I really need to stop this. Mom told me to make sure it didnt happen anymore cause all Im doing is confusing myself and I know this but yet I still do it. Yesterday was a lazy day didnt do much except clean the house. Today Q dumped a bottle of finger nail polish all over my kitchen floor along with baby powder. Where he got them I have no idea so I spent the day cleaning again. And now Im relaxing and going to bed early.

robin26's picture
Joined: 11/23/03
Posts: 74

:spanking: Girl..... you behave yourself. Let's find you something constructive to do. Letting A take advantage of your heart is not a good pass time.

Huge hugs girl!

Joined: 11/11/02
Posts: 25

So A picked up the kids today til tomorrow. We were getting along good the boys were excited to see him. Well then I walked Q out to th car for A well when A put him in the car he noticed Q's painted fingernails. He goes great now Im going to have to listen to my mom yell about that. I went on to explain I was painting mine and Q wanted his done I had planned on taking it right off but forgot about it. So I told A it was none of his mothers business what I did with my children that just cause she controls A's every move and everything he does does not mean she can do it with my children. I take care of them 24/7 7days a week most of them time how does she have the right to yell about what I do. Yes it was wrong to paint a little boys nails but I would rather do it then fight with Q and deal with his tantrums. :evil: He had me so mad! So when I told my mom about it she said A is prolly seeing someone cause thats when it seems he starts stupid fights with and I thought about it and my mom is right so who knows.

Joined: 11/11/02
Posts: 25

So I havent written in awhile things have been crazy. Anyways A took the kids on Fri. We got into a bit of a fight then because he was complaining about Q's nails being painted. I know I shouldn paint them but I normally always take it right off and he is always asking me to do it and Im his mom so I figured it cant hurt really. But anyways A started going on and on about how he would have to listen to his mom complain now cause Q is a boy and I shouldnt be painting his nails. I told A to tell his mother it was none of her damn business what I do with my son and told him that Q was our son and just cause his mother runs his life and everything he does does not mean I will let her do it to my kids.He said whatever and left. He then called me Sat. morning said he called becaue i didnt call the kids the night before like I said I would. Okay yea Im sorry I didnt call to say goodnight like I always do but I went out. he never calls his kids so what right does he have to make me feel bad about not doing what I said I would. So he brought them home that night at like 7pm when he is supposed to. He was telling me about a dating website that he joined. Then he left. Well I got curious so I checked out his profile on this site. Well I shouldnt have cause it only got me heated. He put a pic of him with the kids on his profile. I dont even show pics of my kids unless it is here how he gonna use one to try and pick girls up. Plus he spelled D's name wrong in his little all about me paragraph. He put that he was divorced and open to anything that he had 2 kids and blah blah blah. Freaking loser even put under interests drugs,drinking,driving around,picking up girls, then at the bottom puts playing wit my sons. I was so mad I called him and told him to take my sons pic off his stupid webpage and not use my sons to try and pick up girls. He yelled at me and told me he wold do what he wanted they were his kids too. Then hung up on me and I havent spoken to him since. But I do keep checking on his webpage he did take the pic down and he is talking to like 14yr old girls :shock: he is almost 24. So I dont know what he is getting himelf into. Oh I forgot to put in here my sister is pregnant 20wk. She had a sono today but the baby wouldnt open its legs up but the nure who did it thinks that it might be a girl so we will ee come May when she is due.

Joined: 11/11/02
Posts: 25

Guess I already talked about when A picked up the kids but I forgot sorry!

Joined: 11/11/02
Posts: 25

Oh I met some Biggrin He is such a nice guy and so cute So cross your fingers it works. He is also great wit the kids and has 2 sons himself. He sat on the floor lastnight and played wit D for like an hour. We went out New Years Eve night and had a lot of fun talked all night long fell asleep in eachothers arms and he didnt even try anything I told him Im not looking for that right now and he told me he understood. I told him I wanted to take things slow and see how it goes and he said okay. But yea anyways both boys are sick Sad Q has like the stomach flu and D has an ear infection so both are super cranky and clingy I hope they get better soon.

Joined: 11/11/02
Posts: 25

Okay I really hate A. But to start off on Tues. I called H&R to ask them a couple questions about A being able to claim one of the kids on his taxes. Well they told me yes A can claim one as a dependent but is not allowed the EIC for them because they do not live with him that I am entitled to it. So I called A to tell him well he blew up at me he was so mean I was talking all calm and he was screaming at me he then hung up on me. Well I called him back to see why he was so mad at me I was only trying to tell him something he said he was not mad about that that he was mad cause I was telling him he wasnt a good father. I went on to tell him that he is a good father when he is there but he is never there for the boys. He continues to scream at me and then I hear his evil mother runnin her mouth in the background and he tells me he has to go that he is so mad he is shaking all the time his mother is still runnin her mouth. So I hang up and I start crying cause I dont know what I did wrong. But yea I got over it. So Wed. comes and the boys are so sick that I call and make them doctor appointments. Well they have no health insurance becaue A i supposed to have it on him but he lost his job so he lost their insuracne and I have ben trying to get them on Medicaid but they are screwin around. So I call A to ask him if he could give us a ride caue I till dont have a car he says he will I just have to cll him in the morning and remind him then we started fighting again and he hung up on me again. So the next day at 1230 I call A to see if he is stilll taking us at 200 but he dont answer his phone so I call his mom she said he isnt home and she hasnt seen him. So I race to find us another ride and luckly one of my girlfriends could do it. So I call his cell at like 130 and tell him thanks for being there for his sons and what a way to prove he was a good father. So I take them and both have double ear infections and colds so the doc orders a antiboidic(sp) I ask her if it would be expensive becaue they dont have insurance she said no it should only be like $10 so I say okay and drop them off at the drug store. Well when I drop them off I ask roughly how much it will be so the person looks it up and tells me $30 I ask if that is together she ssaid no $30 a piece :shock: So I say okay I will be back to get them. So I come home and try to call A so he can pick them up cause but once again I cant get ahold of him so I tell his mom about the boys meds and ask her to tell him to pick them up she said he would try to get ahold of him. So I hang up with her and try to call the Medicaid people but I get no answer but leave a message for them to call me. So I call A again later and he answers and I ask him if he is going to get their meds and says not right this minute because he dont have the money so I say whatever I will try to get them myself. Well I go grocery shoppin and when I get home dad said A called and said that he called Medicaid and the boys have it and said that I have been lieing about calling Medicaid and dad said you could hear A's mom running her mouth in the background too. I was so mad that medicaid could tell A this but not return my phone calls. I dont know what to do about A anymore I wish I could have him outta my life but I now that wil never happen because we have kids together but he is just so fustrating and Im ick of crying I have cried so much over him. But its his weekend this week and I wonder how that will go I think he is still mad at me but oh well.

Joined: 11/11/02
Posts: 25

So A took the kids this weekend he came Fri. at 5pm like whats in the court order. I called Sat afternoon to talk to the boys and told A I would see them Sun at 7pm seems how he was listening to the court order otherwise he would have brought them home at like 11am. Well I found out A is dating a 16yr old so good luck to him I hope it dont land him in jail. He called me this morning and told me Q wanted to come home this was at likw 12 I told him okay to bring them home and he did. He didnt say anything to me when he brought them home which I guess is a good thing seems how we cant get along lately.Other then that my life is pretty boring.

Joined: 11/11/02
Posts: 25

So A took the kids this weekend he came Fri. at 5pm like whats in the court order. I called Sat afternoon to talk to the boys and told A I would see them Sun at 7pm seems how he was listening to the court order otherwise he would have brought them home at like 11am. Well I found out A is dating a 16yr old so good luck to him I hope it dont land him in jail. He called me this morning and told me Q wanted to come home this was at likw 12 I told him okay to bring them home and he did. He didnt say anything to me when he brought them home which I guess is a good thing seems how we cant get along lately.Other then that my life is pretty boring.

Joined: 11/11/02
Posts: 25

Things are crazy in my life right now I need an escape I am thinking of giving custody of the boys to my mom for awhile I cant take care of them I cant even take care of my self and A dont want them. I had a huge fight wit my whole family today cause I told my little sister I didnt want nothing to do wit her for going back to a bf who likes to beat her up while she is pregnant. So I just dont know what to do anymore nothing I do pleases anyone my dad thinks Im a horrible mother and lately I feel like one. Q is totally outta control and I cant seem to rope him back in and A wont help he wont even take them a day early so I can have a bit more of a break he tells meit aint in the court papers but its more he dont wanna take more time outta his life then he has to for them. I dont know my life is just so messed up since I left A I dont know what to do.

Joined: 11/11/02
Posts: 25

Wow reading my posts my life has been full of ups and downs since A and I seperated over a year ago I was suffering from major depression but I got it all under control and Im back to working and taking care of the boys. Their getting so big Q just turned 3 in Feb and D is now 21 months. Both our potty training and talking so good. My sister Ashley is due in 7wks and Q is soo excited for the new baby he tells everyone he meets about his little cousin Aubrey coming. Just a little update for anyone who still reads this.