Random Thoughts of a Birth Junkie - Journal of a Doula-to-be
For now, i just wanted to get it started with this peice of good news (also posted in various other places around the site lol)- WAAAAAAAHHHOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! I just got the phone call. Let me tell you, this has been a long time coming LOL. The basic history is that while pg with Mikayla, (sometime in the first tri) I realized that I wanted to be a doula. I sat around thinking on it for a while, plus with working full time, then adjusting to a newborn, i didn't have time for a while anyway. Then last September, I had decided on CAPPA to get certified through, and I went on Ebay and bought all the books that I'd need to get certified. I started working on my packet to apply for the scholarship because we just didn't have the money, but didn't get it done in time. They award them 4 times a year. The next quarter, I would have been able to pay for it, but I procrastinated and wound up paying some other stuff off instead. Then I procrastinated some more. A few weeks ago, i thought about it again, and checked to see when the deadline for the next scholarship was. It was a week away. Would you believe i STILL put it off??? I finally did it and then had to overnight it to get it in by Oct 1. This AM, i checked their website to see when i could expect to hear, and to see if maybe they'd published the winners early. no such luck. Then a few minutes ago, i got a phone call!!!! I'm so excited!! I'll be doing the Distance Labor Doula Program (that's learning at a distance not doula'ing at a distance lol), and I'm so excited to finally get started!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!
long story short, i'm feeling awfully hormonal. And I think i'm 10 dpo. If I'm right about when I o'ed, then either A - my cycles are returning to normalcy as my longest luteal phase since Mikayla was born (in the 6 months since af returned) has been 7 days, or B - I'm pg. I usually don't get emotional before af, or any pms'y signs that af is coming. But who knows. Hopefully its just due to af hormones, not pg hormones. We did bd 11 days ago though. And O'ed 10 days ago. Trying not to panic. Won't test. Will assume nothing until pants get tighter or af shows. I really need to start paying attention to charting, i've slacked off big time, as is evidenced by my cyclical panic attacks because we're not ready for #3.
(really i just wanted to bump back to page one LOL, plus i thought it would be fun to see just how often i panic over a possible pg. just ask chims, its on a regular basis lol)
I'm sleepy. Stayed up too late watching Conan. Then both kids decided to wake up before 7. Mikayla was doing her usual perma latched routine where she MUST stay latched on in order to stay asleep. As soon as I'd roll her back to her side of the bed (her crib actually, but its just an extension of my bed) she'd fall asleep but be back in what seemed like about 2 seconds. Was probably a good 15-20 minutes but when you're asleep it feels like nothing. So I finally told her no and said "lay down and go to sleep" and amazingly she did. For about 5 minutes. then woke again. I repeated. keep this up about 5 times. She finally decided it was just time to get up. As I tried to convince her to stay in bed, and beg her to just nurse and go back to sleep and that i was just kidding about not nursing back to sleep, aaric walks in. He said he had a big booger. Poor kid's been coughing for 2 weeks and i've been treating it herbally and with robutussin. I'm not worried about the cough, but we're now on day 3 of yellow snot to go along with it. Yep, sounds bacterial. So I got up and had him blow his nose and Mikayla got up too. I talked them into laying in bed and watching TV while I dozed a little. Pretty soon Mikayla decided that she DID want to nurse and that energized her. Just as I was getting my hopes up that she'd go back to sleep, dh came home from PT. GRRRR. I procrastinated and let him deal with the kids, but they kept coming back in - Aaric telling me he was hungry and Mikayla going for her first choice of caloric intake - so I finally got up. I had asked dh to clean up the kitchen last night since i'd cooked and was tired. Walked in and there were dirty plates still on the table so i had to clean before I could cook. We're out of milk, so we had eggs and grits. And mangoes and kiwi, but neither kid was too interested in fruit this AM. Those mangoes were weird. the ones I got earlier this year were smooth and pretty easy to cube. These were stringy and soft. Fell apart easily. Reminded me alot of pineapple, but less solid. strange. I hope the next ones i buy are like the ones i had this summer. And while Aaric has tasted kiwi and liked it, he's been refusing to eat it. Once I force him to taste it he likes it though. Mikayla of course eats anything you put in front of her. Just like Aaric did at her age. When I serve pasta, i put hers in her bowl and turn around to get mine, turn back around and hers is gone. My kids are pasta freaks.
OKay, i decided to make this really more about my doula training than about life in general. I'll talk about life in general some too i'm sure, but the main topic, is my training. first post on the topic coming in 5, 4, 3, 2, ....
I got my certification packet in the mail today, and I'm so excited. I'm going through CAPPA and they offer a distance learning program so that you don't have to attend any workshops. This works better for me since with dh's work schedule I can't leave the kids home with him for a weekend, plus we only have one car, plus i'm nursing, etc etc etc. All the other org's that do this require you to actually attend training workshops for a weekend. Instead of the workshops, i have a video set of a workshop. There are some disadvantages - no one on one participation, you don't get that excitement to get you motivated. But also, you've got it on tape, so you can easily review any time you want. And you can email the instructors any time to ask any questions, or call. I have to read 5 books and do little reports on them, watch the 3 videos, buy 3 additional videos to watch, attend a bfing class, attend a childbirth ed class, attend 3 births with good reviews from the mom, doctor/midwife, and nurse, get a letter of recommendation from a midwife, OB, lactation consultant, childbirth educator, or other such professional, write an essay on one of the topics surrounding birth (I have a list), and write a major research paper on one of the topics. I'm mainly nervous about the research paper. Its been a few years since i've put together an intellectual paper. I hate all the specifics of citations and stuff. I'm thinking I'll use the online world as a sounding board for these papers. Do the rough draft, get feedback, polish it up, etc. Some constructive criticism would be nice. I want to do a really good job on it.
My training/experience so far - Last year I checked the reading list and went ahead and bought 5 books from the list. I actually already had 2 off of the list, but I bought 5 more. I got great deals on Ebay. I wanted to read books that I hadn't just read in preparation for my own births. I'll end up using one of the ones I had already though, because otherwise, i'll be reporting on 2 different bfing books, and i want more variety than that. I've read most of these books already. Read them last fall. The only one I haven't really delved into is "The VBAC Companion" just because so far, it hasn't personally applied to me. I know I need the information in it though, so that I will be ready when I get a vbac client. I just have put off reading it until I had a real reason to. Then last December, i attended the birth of my nephew. That was an amazing experience. It was interesting, because her labor and delivery was far from what I'd consider perfect for myself, but of course, its HER that matters, not me. More on that topic later. Its one I've got to be careful with. I'm so opinionated on this topic, I am afraid it will be hard for me to not be judgmental of my clients. I know its just something I've got to change. I don't want to have to hide my disappointment when the woman who wants to go natural decides to instead go with every drug and intervention in the birth. I know I"m guilty of forgetting the msot important thing - that the baby gets OUT, and everyone is happy, and I focus too much on HOW the baby exits the body. So i'll be working on that. I started watching my 1st video tonight. i was really tired so I actually fell asleep during one part, but i wasn't watching it "officially", just watching it to get my feet wet. One of the first things she talked about was not projecting YOUR opinions onto the woman. You can give her information, but the choices are hers to make, not yours. You can't try to talk her out of them. You can't talk to the dr's on her behalf. That's not my job. You can't roll your eyes when the dr tells her something that you KNOW is wrong. Even if its a flat out lie - its not your job to fight him on it, or tell the woman how wrong he is. Of course if i thought he was endangering her, I might would say something. Like really endangering, not just doing something that I didn't agree with and that my ultra natural self sees as dangerous. She said that you always have to remember that this is a day the woman will remember forever. Do you want her memories of that day to include you being pissy about the particulars? Of course not. You want all her memories of that day to be happy ones. So you smile and nod and show total respect to the doctors and nurses. Which WILL be another thing for me to deal with. I have such a lack of respect for OB's. I try to remember that this is what they were TRAINED to do. They were taught all these things in med school. So its not really their fault if they don't do things the "best" way (ie, the lithotomy position, which is good only for the doctor and not for the mom or baby). And also, I have to remember that this woman CHOSE this doctor. Its my job to protect her, but its just a really fine line. Another hard one for me - medical advice. I don't even think about it. If someone asks a medical question, i feel comfortable answering it. I always assume that they won't JUST take my word for it, but will also do the research and ask their doctor. I assume they'll take my words as my opinion, not as solid medical fact. Sure, maybe I read it somewhere official, but still. So that gets tricky too. As the doula, its your job to provide information about options. But the way you do it is SO tricky. Here is the example she gave. A woman is 41 weeks and the doctor is recommending induction. She calls you and says that she really does not want to induce yet, and what should she do? Of course, just as a gal pal, my gut would say "well if you don't want to induce then don't induce". I'd share information with her, but i'd also be fine with sharing my personal opinion. But as a doula, what if i did that and then the woman refused to induce and something went wrong. She could then say "well my doula told me not to" and she could file a lawsuit against me. Instead, the doula should say 'well, why don't you check out these links, they provide a lot of induction information" or "i'll fax these handouts I have to your dh's office" etc. You can provide information. But not medical advice. Very fine line. One I'll have to learn to walk well.
I've got lots more thoughts, but someone just IM'ed me, and I lost my train of thought. Oh well, i'll save it for another day!