Thread: the Sleepy Sheepless Shepard

oh wow...so much has changed...Mark got a job!!! and so far things seem to be going pretty well...a nice pay raise, close to home....ah yes, mroe shopping for me? he says no...what? eh? is that the wind I am trying to take it easy...but HE got a new car! OKOKOK, granted I think it was a good idea...he did gt me a video camera...and we got some great pics of Brian...had them taken at Sears...see siggy

and things have so changed here too...this Mom and boy thing is working so much better than I had expected...I really thought he would be almost unmanageble but he isn't he and I are actually getting along great! amazing how all the things I have been trying to do WORK! I can multi task with amazing ease...I clean the kitchen, Brian works on the rugs er, um...then I sweep the floor cuz, well, we live in the country and Brian buffs it with his butt have been a quilting fool too...got Brian in his lil fenced in area and for the most part is ok with it...until he finds a nono spot at which time there is NO MORE quilting...someone gets a nono talk and then there is much wailing and gnashing of teeth, and he reaches for it again...another nono and a count....1....2....3 pick him up, move him...back he heads...a count....1....2....3 pick him up, try to distract him...a count....1....2....3 swat, pick him...UG...he is one determined lil boy...just like his Mama...peachy...have had to count to three many times

is cute, Mark has never had to deal with this determination in a child before (wife yes, and recently, son, NO) he isn't all that thrilled with it, but does marvel at his one mindedness...he has a particular fondness for cords, remotes, the dvd player, dvd's, the covered outlets, drawers, cupboards...hasn't discovered the toilet YET, waiting on that one...curiosity is a great thing in a child tho...I DO like that!

but anyway, am working on a log cabin quilt...a big one that will be machine quilted on a long arm machine...I don't hand quilt or home machine king quilts anymore, and have absolutely NO intention of doing one ever again! oh yeah, and plenty of cleaning other than vacuuming, gardening, and spending lots of time with Mom too...oh yeah, and canning too...did some pears, going to do some jellies for Christmas...looking forward to it...and nap taking...even got to take a nap with him, think I may have been snoring and work him up....

oh yeah, and got Mark a couple of great presants for my lil spook...he requested a large pring bible and got him a great study bible, and then Ken (stepson...is that dss?) and I got together for pictures...all three of us...it was FANTASTIC! I can't believe he went for it! will have another pic to add to my siggy soon...if you had told me Ken and I would be on speaking terms enough to do this I would have laughed! we went to Red Robin for lunch afterwards...that was pretty darn good too...food AND company...it is official, there IS hope for him! he IS growing up!! his Dad will be so pleased...is killing me NOT to tell him already, but if I say we went to lunch I have to explain WHY...

so anyway, been busy here, things are going well, some things better than expected, some things are pretty shocking, but in a good way...

ah yes, and in the off chance you are reading this JD, I can't wait to get started on your project...ANOTHER chance to spend time in craft/fabric stores! ahhhhhh.....the torture!

OH WOW!! 3 WHOLE PAGES!!!!!!

oh my, I left so much out...most of which I can't remember right now...Brian is asleep and my bed AND the kitchen is calling...so WHAT DO I DO?!?!?!

I am on the puter...

ah well...really enjoying going thru my fabric stash...finding quilt tops (ok, found a half quilted one, a sandwich and a top, am not looking for more, but don't think there are more to find)...also many projects that I should get at...they would only take me a couple days a couple of them

and got Mom coming over tomorrow to watch Brian so I can dig a bunch more stuff out of my garden, get it cleaned up and replanted and fertilized (ok, been working on it already...) and having a ball getting filthy...today I am supposed to go to Cosco and might be naughty and head to the Big Walmart in Kennewick to check out their fabrics...will see...

and then is to Mom's to see if we can find some late season blackberries...goign to scour the countryside...for the juice to make jelly out of (with wild blackberries, the seeds are KILLER and there are zillions of them)...they are so sweet tho and Mark LOVES them!

and yesterday was having some "Mom time", mostly doing things needed doing, and ran into an old friend of mine...she looked great! last I saw her (years ago) she was in an abusive relationship...now she is in a great relationship and you can so very much tell! am going to do my best to keep in touch with her...won't be hard as I go to Mom's once a week (or every other week) and she heads up here on a regular basis...she was as pleased to see me as I was her...found out we had more in common than either of us thought...she is/was having problems with rage too...wow...AND she has 3 great kids too...quite a range in age but I think it would be great to see them...haven't seen the eldest since he was a tyke...and he is 15 now! and I got her phone # too...

and things are really settling down around here...for a large part even if I am not loosing wt it seems I have the food thing under control and am not gaining...jeans feel loose but they are the new ones so....not counting any chickens and don't have a scale...those are such nasty things...no thanks!

and I am feeling so much more complete as a Mom too...I AM the Mama...I don't have to share (how is THAT for selfish?), he turns to me for just about everything, and he is starting to really try things out faster now that he isn't constantly being held or coddled...not that Mark isn't a great Dad but he was always thinking he was headed right back to work and trying to make the most of his time...I understand...oh yeah, and I don't feel guilty about getting on the puter at night or quilting even when Brian is awake...most of the time I have him, and it gives Mark his Daddy time...and he really reaches for me now too...not just arms up and thrashing, but a real reach...up and hands extended...oh my but that still thrills me to death! does for Dad too

and he is getting pretty good at the walk thing too...not on his own, but he is getting so very adventurous...NOT a good thing...his bonk factor is getting bigger and bigger...*sigh* and into everything still...

so, still searching my brain for what I was going to say...it just there right out of reach...UG...and not too tired now, so kitchen it is...YUCK...

OH YEAH...one of the things...for all the pics, see here
http://www.pregnancy.org/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=55065
gonna get a tattoo...here is what I am leaning towards, but not so sure.....waiting to see what "speaks" to me, but so far this one far leads the pack...really like this one!

just what I need...11:42 at night, I have an interview tomorrow and I can't sleep...Max is outside and won't come to call...WHY THE HELL NOT?? I can't sleep already, why on EARTH does she feel a need to add too my stress? good news tho: been hearing gun shots, no coyotes...maybe they are all bye bye? one can only hope!

peachy...last night on the way home from the hockey game, we had a close call with that new POS VW no one can pronounce...you TOUCH my Explorer with that foreign POS ESPECIALLY on the side Brian is sitting on! and I honked at him...he acts like NOTHING has happened...I almost hit HIM at that point and honked again...I am beyond livid...I see red...he still won't look at me...I honked again making wild gestures...I sure hope he was under the impression I was a bit peeved...he finally looked at me...damn right you had BETTER BE SORRY YOU PATHETIC WASTE OF AIR AND WATER!

ah....but we aren't done yet...we head down what we call the swamp road...runs along the river...down over the freeway, past Walmart...caught up with another falling apart obviously made someone mad enough to hit him pedal as fast as you can type car...he is doing about the same speed limit as everyone else, NP, right? yeah, RIGHT...only until we go from the 4 lanes in front of Walmart to the 2 lanes just around the corner...is 40 thru there and everyone but HIM is doing about 42-45...and he is SLOWING DOWN...wellllllllll..there is a DOTTED FRICKIN LINE THERE! as in PASSING ZONE...so, you got it, I PASSED HIM! he starts flashing his lights at me...oh yeah, pick your fights better you LOOSER...I braked, he flashed again...I slowed to about 25 mph, pumping my breaks...gesturing again (no, not flipping him off, but just to let him know that he needs to be ABSOLUTELY SURE he wants to mess with ME)...he stopped flashing...even dh commented about what an *insert explitive here* he was being...

so you would think that with that, our evening would be done...it was SORT OF...we got home, I got online to check mail, and my bil says my sil is trying to call dh...he won't say much more...dh called his sister and found out my fil is in the hospital...nothing dire but def painful...something to do with a coloscopy and they found a polyp and a tear and surgery and of course we don't hear ANYTHING about it until fil is in recovery...what a crock of ****...typical, but that is bs...they didn't tell any of the kids when his Mom got terminal cancer until the end...talked to my smil and said it really ripped Mark apart that he didn't get a chance to spend more time with mil before she was out of it on morphine, please let us know what is going on BEFORE things get out of hand...whole lot of good THAT did...turns out that so far fil is ok, got him doped up for the night and we might be able to talk to him this weekend (he is supposed to be home)

SO...Brian is out of it when we got home, so he sleeps thru everything...the cars, the phone...and we headed to bed about 10:30...not too bad...and this in itself would be more than enough to ruin even a pretty good day, right? well, it hadn't totally...I DID have a pretty darn good day

BUT...OH NO...WE AREN'T DONE YET!!!!!!! Brian wakes up wailing at 12...I don't know why...thinking maybe bad dream...so I go to get him...diaper is full, but not overflowing...he is calming down quickly...he loves my robe...until I decide to change him...wailing recommences at a new record level and tantrum begins...get the diaper unlatched as I reach forward to grab the new diaper, he throws his butt in the air, exposes himself and showers my hair...not the robe thankfully tho...but also his sleeper, the couch...oh yeah...nice midnight feeding...and he is hungary, got a bottle in hot water for him, now just gotta find a clean dry sleeper...IN THE DARK...AHA...get it on him just in time to realize...NO FEET...I need to find the moron that thought it was cute to make ANY sleeper with no feet...then I must kill him...after I torture him for a few days...BUT...he is in it...it wasn't that hard, right? gotta go find socks...AFTER finding the gates with my toes (good thing I have toes of steel, at least I didn't break them!), I head back to the couch...the wimpering has subsided mostly, got the socks on him, gave him the bottle...about half full (even I should have known better, but....it WAS MIDNIGHT)...he sucks that down in no time flat...Stache joins us on the couch, a silent observer...Brian is STILL hungary, so I push the cat off the couch to get up

you got it...he scratched me on the way down...not too bad but DAMN that hurt! two nice claws down the shin...I went to make more milk...we have bottled water as we have a high nitrate problem in the well...hehehehe (note please the insane crazy woman laughing), I hope someone is getting a kick out of this cuz I was about to cry...THE DAMN WATER JUG WAS EMPTY

so....boy is awake anyway, put him on the floor, who promptly recommences wimpering, albiet quietly...go find the water jug...fight the urge to awaken and inflict very very serious bodily harm on DH who has PUT AWAY the bleeping water jug to replace the EMPTY one...after many minutes of searching it is found...get it set up and finish the bottle...

ahhhhhhhhhhh.......SILENCE

HE WENT TO SLEEP...put him back in the crib, washed my hair in the sink, put neosporin pain on my new booboo and crashed but hard...thinking all the time that all dh has to do is say ONE word and he will be not only in pain but NOT sleeping in the same room as me!

Brian slept until quarter past 7...so did I...Mark had NO clue what was going on...I was so proud of myself I didn't have to wake him up...I have to claim some small victory...I giggled crazily again this morning...Mark said I could sleep in Sat at least until he went golfing...think I will go console myself with shopping later...GOLFING...what was I thinking about when I said it was fine for him to go ANYWHERE?!?!?!?!

OMG...yes Kym, I read yours too! and I just find him FREAKISH...boardering on nightmarish...YUCK...made me laugh tho! hehehe...I will almost VIOLENTLY search for the mute button whenever that STUPID freaky song comes on...can we say nail on a chalk board

and so far the day is going sooooooo much better...at least got kitchen straightened up a lil and working on the laundry room again..met Mark for lunch, went to the store and made arrangements for a friend to streak my hair...and a different one to perm it...m....at least now I dont have to shave it off (A BIG BONUS!) things have calmed down...and I need to go get dinner started...

er...um...thanks for thinking of me!

Dh and DS are sitting on the floor playing "where is it?!" THERE IT IS! can you put it back? is a chant for the last 5 mins and it is intermingled with squeels of joy....of all the toys we have, they are playing with a red cup (think is a dog food cup from Mom) and an empty thread spool...both of which has been his object of desire today

ah, does life get better than this? now dh is playing WAAAAAHAAAAAA with him (throwing ds in the air)...more squeeling...and just think, if you would have told me 5 yrs ago I would be married with a child, I would have laaaaaaaaaaaughed my...er...head off...

and back to the spool....*sigh* ain't life grand?

a few things to add...this weekend was....interesting...ok, started Thurs...was SUPPOSED to get my hair streaked right after J got off work, or more was going to meet her, get the stuff, go to her house, get the hair streaked, BEFORE her kids got back from school/practice (whatever)...she didn't call, she was prepaid...I expected her to bail, called left a msg with her daughter saying YES I was PO'd, and that she WAS going to do my hair Thurs or she could just pay me back!...imagine that, she called right back (about an hr later)...third bleeping time she put me off...

Brian was being a poop, we decided to do it that night after dinner...VOILA...it got done! looked pretty darn good...Mom came over Fri and we got a couple things done, and I got more dirt therapy...felt good to get it done...Sat Mark went golfing, he had a blast...Brian was still in a mood...which of course cleared up a bit as soon as Mark was home...and Sat night we had a game (WHL hockey), which was a great one! we won in OT...played our hearts out...Sun we had Ken over for his b-day dinner, and I made a pathetic cake...no tools to decorate (fixed that today), but was REALLY good with strawberry filling...and then there was today...was feeling a LITTLE motivated, talked to Jules a bit, strategised some quilting, cleaned a lil here there which was promptly undone by Brian, Yvonne (good friend) made it here to perm my hair while Brian supervised for the first half....made it to Walmart and back in one piece, Brian passed out again on the way home and I did dinner in peace and straightened things back up...Mark called (late from work), turned down oven, did more wash...oh my was a busy lil beaver today! feeling pretty darn good about it too...tomorrow I am headed to Mom's to work on her irrigation pipes, then out to lunch and home to get something accomplished HERE...

oh yeah, and had a WONDERFUL wake up call this am! GUESS WHO SLEPT IN?!?!?! even with daylight savings the lil bugger slept until after 7!!! WOOOOHOOOO

so anyway, my lil bugger needs a bath, and I waited for Mark to get home...is fun to do/watch and I wasn't sure so I waited...he is gonna go splash with his son, and I wanna watch...toooooo funny!

urg...so many things go on and I so rarely journal...this has been the month from hell...suddenly I am off bc...that's right, no patch, no shot, no pills...dayam but they make me so hormonal and I feel so out of control, so angry...so I am off of them, and I am feeling pretty darn good...thought I was finally getting this house thing under control...the cleaning thing...I am certainly no clean freak, but I was getting a whole lot closer...I mean the floors were getting moppped or vacuumed on a regular basis w/o Brian freaking out...the kitchen was clean and stayed that way for over a month...even the laundry room was pretty good (catbox and all)...Brian's room was a bit messy, but NOTHING was all that DIRTY...I am NO susy homemaker, but still...I am a damn good cook, and gardener, and my house at least resembles some sort of order...

certainly not that bad...

so anyway, Mark and I decided to ttc #2...Mark sprung that one on me at the hockey game and I about died of shock...I couldn't wait...I was so excited...but a lil aprehensive...then we start having fight after fight after fight, and not lil pissing contests, no, huge drawn out sleep in the other room fights...altho can't do that anymore, if Brian knows you are in there he is AWAKE and wants to play

then my puter gets not one but 2 or 3 virus (depending on how you interpret my virus thing)

and I got the last of my bulbs planted...and I got a babysitter to watch Brian so I could get the almost half ac of tumbleweeds burned...and then she came over on a Fri night to watch Brian so we could have a date...

we got home, Mark opened up the mail and got angry...seems the cell bill wasn't what he was expecting (a long story, not going into it, fixed in less then 10 mins on the phone, something he was asked to do eons ago, like Oct) and starts taking it out on me, then explodes cuz I got angry....something to the tune of "I can't ever get angry" and my response is yes you can, but you are NOT allowed to take it out on me...so then the idiot goes to work and BLEEPING EMAILS me a hate letter.....OMG that is sooooooo stupid....he waits until he has a laundry list of complaints and then lays into me with a basket full of ammo, including how the house is ALWAYS dirty...OH HELL NO IT ISN'T! messy IN PLACES, but NOT dirty!

I am also worried about Brian who is suddenly TOTALLY clingy...and suddenly unsure of myself...so I decided that if I am not already preg, we are NOT ttc anymore...since I obviously can't handle one child and the house and yard, I certainly CAN'T handle two...

part of the problem is I m just fine at defending myself...the fight was on...so then after a couple of days, he wants to go back to pretending everything is juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuust fine...oh yeah, right...few days later we fight again, and things haven't been back on track since, altho he is back to pretending things are fine

well, they aren't...I am not even thrilled with sleeping with him right now...we have a "date" Fri for his company Christmas Party and I certainly don't even want to go...got an outfit for it and all...

and I have until the end of the week to find out if I am preg or not...a part of me hopes for a child, a part of me is scared to death and a part of me is praying I am not...have been praying that God does what is best, but I am not much for talking to him lately either, but I do anyway....

and I would love to go back to work but there isn't anything to be found job wise, and yes, I have looked! and I also don't think it is the best for my son who is now velcro....he is so very very clingy!

so we will see...before I do go back on the shot tho, we WILL be having a discussion before I do, whether he likes it or not...

oh yeah, and to make things all the better, I talked to my friend and found out she may have knowingly exposed me and Brian to Strep... AND a head cold...Brian has the cold for sure...no signs of Strep tho...and I might have the head cold too or it could just be stress

man my life can swing so far so quick...there is a big part of me that resents being so dependant on Mark...never done that in my adult life, don't like it now!