if I AM NOT pregnant at this point I am going to be rather irritated...I WANT ANOTHER BABY!!! I have prayed for God to bless me with what is best and just go for it.....no charting no nothing, but there have been signs of cycling...spotting at the start of the month, lots of gooey (ok, almost downright yucky) sticky cm around Valentines day...loads of fun at the same time...getting hormonal, crying at the drop of a hat (I mean really bad), light cramping, upset tummy at night (like last time) and now I popped a tums this am...I am tired, but that could be cuz I am not sleeping well, but not usually THIS tired...
did you know I used to hate tums??? now they are almost like candy, that isn't a good thing!
right now I don't care if it is a boy or a girl...yeah, want a girl, but still.......I JUST WANT ANOTHER ONE!
I must be crazy
oh yeah, and Mark leaves for 4 days to NY tomorrow at 510 BLEEPING AM
he will die for that one, I hate mornings and now I have to find a babysitter...my regular one is going to Spokane, gotta ask Mom...*sigh*
well, Brian and I both have full blown head colds...I am going nuts...I really have no idea if I actually AM preg or not, and I do want to be, but have all but talked myself out of it....not having a good day either....head cold from hell, my poor baby...my poor gooey baby, ICK...got quite a bit of it under control with Motrin cold and mine with Drixoral Cold...took some Zinc and C and will see if that helps or not
Mark is in NY, and that certainly isn't helping either...really missed him today, esp after we got so little sleep last night...he has an abhorance for flying and got maybe 1.5 hrs sleep last night, I maybe got 2.5 and had to take him to the airport at 3:30...had a REALLY GOOD friend of mine that was up and offered to come over (she has big problems sleeping) so I "got" to take him in...damn but I never liked putting anyone on a plane, but I did notice the total desperation from my past wasn't there...I felt pretty sorry for him, he all but had an anxiety attack at one point, but we got him off...I really hate his job now.....I agree with him, I think it is a total waste of $$, but they thought he should be there, maybe this is a test...
and had an interesting day as well....I did manage to get some more sleep...Brian slept til 8 something so I got another 3 hrs sleep, and took a nap when he took his am nap...but also spilled the apples and blueberries on the floor...yeah, I said blueberries...that sh!t doesn't want to come out either....oh, like I am shocked...no, I didn't spill the stuff that DOES come out, I did the damn blueberries....*sigh* at least I got the dining room steam cleaned, then our bathroom when Brian went to sleep, so I DID get SOMETHING accomplished....trying to make arrangements with Mom so she can take him til tomorrow eve and I can do the couch and the living room floor....fun, eh? ah well, is something I wanted to do while Mark was gone and NOT underfoot...which I am still convinced he would be....
and got most of the week planned...Mon Mom is coming over so I can get the nail thing done (and we will do lunch) and she can take Brian home...Liz offered to come over to help (same 3:30 friend!), and then later in the eve when Brian is good and worn out, ready to sleep, I will go get him so he isn't crawling/walking etc all over the wet floor (yeah, gotta plan something this simple now, peachy)...Tues got the babysitter coming back over so I can do a few more things, Weds is a mad house cleaning whirlwind and at 11 something Weds night, I go get Mark...this should be interesting, I never liked sleeping alone, still don't and won't be surprised if I don't sleep much...talked to him and he sounds about the same...he is miserable, poor guy....
so that is my whine fest...I am coughing up a lung and need to go get SOMETHING...thinking the tea I have been downing sounds pretty darn good...still gotta straighten the kitchen up, take a shower and clean up a couple of things I totally let go in my pouting...I hate it when I make my life interesting...but enough whining
I test Weds or Thurs am....should wait longer but this is KILLING me!! I am so impatient....I could go in and pester my dr for a blood test but I refuse to go to the dr with this head cold...he might give me more meds
Mom is due in an hr or so and I can't wait for her to get here...she has NO CLUE of any of my suspicions and I am not about to tell her (long story, not going into it) for quite awhile anyway....altho I have slipped and told her we were trying silly silly Cindy! UG
but I am going to get my nails done and we are going out to lunch....that part I am pretty excited about
however she is also taking Brian home and suddenly that part I DON"T like...man I miss Mark bad...I even missed his snoring last night....ya wake up in the middle of the night to listen to him and there is only the fan
yuck, I can't wait for Weds.....maybe I will have something to tell him
he did say NOT to wait!
ohoh, and Brian DID go thru a big growth spurt...he fits right nicely into his somewhat big 2's now
oh my but I love that man....he was literally hovering over the phone waiting for me to call, and then we talk for almost an hr about.....drum roll.....NOTHING....he did sounds so good...I miss him...I hope this isn't a habit with the bosses...this sucks
will be home day after tomorrow...Brian has done an almost Dadadadadad and totally abandoned Mama for now...is ok, I miss him too son...
and got the carpet all shampooed, and the couch, and his chair too...feeling pretty good about it...got the babysitter coming tomorrow...WAS going to burn more tumbleweeds but turns out it is raining outside! WTH IS THAT??? THIS IS A DESSERT!!!!!!! ah well, got plenty of other stuff to do, so no problem, just gotta pick one...and Brian loves his "girlfriend"....she comes over and holds and plays with him during period breaks at the games.....
and gonna have to post some great hockey player pics...we did goody gang and got to hand out the three stars...and our goalie knows us and Brian and I have this fantastic pic...gonna have to get that one signed...he skated up for the first star and his reaction was "I haven't seen him in awhile, he is getting so big!!" or something to that effect and Jeff snapped the pic....Jeff would be the ams photographer...I took a puter class with him (what a waste, he and I agree on that one) and he also took our wedding pics!! I can remember when I asked him to do the pics, he is like...um....er....wellllll....I can't do it for free...
I laughed and said of course not!
he took the greatest pics...he burned like 12 or 13 rolls and gave them to us....very reasonable price, we have the negatives AND we didn't have to choose from a package, we got them ALL...
so anyway, I should get some sleep...Brian has been awake a couple times and complaining but is more a sleep thing...strange, he doesn't usually do this! and I shouldn't get too far off the schedule...Mark will be home SOON!
only one line...damn, now I am depressed...trying to stay up for Mark's arrival, but am now really having a hard time getting focused to clean the house and finish the laundry room (or get any more done)
I am trying to tell myself it is just too early, but it isn't, and I know it...maybe I no longer have 28 day cycles, but I know it isn't...or maybe I am just NOT cycling yet
that bites....considering a Dec Baby...not sure if I am all that thrilled about it, but......
he is in the air...has been for about 15 or 20 mins...on his way home...am trying my very best to get things back to "normal"...got the disaster that happened in the laundry room cleaned up (am taping and mudding it, text is next YUCK)...got the kitchen done, now on to the rest...carpet looks WONDERFUL still...Brian is fed and tap dancing on my last raw nerve
had a thought, what if I am a one child shot? not that Brian isn't everything I had hoped for and more, I just figured we did one this right, why not do a second just as right? hormones are in full swing...thinking af is just around the corner to haunt me
ok, that was supposed to say only one line on the test...bfn...peachy
Mark is home safe and sound, af showed up last night (fun, eh?)...lovely isn't it? feeling downright nasty to boot...life is grand
at least Mark is home...he is having a nasty time of it at work, only getting worse, but at least he is home
for now...who knows about next week...I hate his job, and so does he....it isn't a good thing either...I told him not to wait til things got like they did with the last job before he starts looking for another job...
life in a hotel room sucks, esp with a toddler with a double ear infection, head cold (that is FINALLY STARTING TO CLEAR UP!), NO computer, and I don't really know anyone here...got to meet Shannon tho, she too is from the tricities and we sorta hit it off pretty well...she might be lurking or joining here soon, she is due in may! and WOW, she is skinny! I envy her...really I do...oh well, not enough to diet tho...
we are headed to MT this weekend, and home to pack more stuff next and maybe make an attempt to move, but gotta talk to Mark's boss first...got a great house sitter on very short notice
Brian is turning in to quite the lil minor bird, mimicing everything and has learned to flush the toilet...we aren't having that bad a time other than a lil clausterphobia and missing the pets pretty bad but overall I can still convince myself it is an adventure
and with that I gotta run, Brian is tired...
and Kym, go to the Bon when they are having a mattress sale, they have great buys, but I am thinking you are talking the whole thing, right? hope the board is going ok, I don't even have time to check on anything!!! I MISS MY PUTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I miss my house too!)
ah yes, the joys of not being home...this is so NOT a vacation! but at least we are in a HOUSE and not that motel room (which is NOT that bad btw)...at this point I don't really care I live in a mobile home, I just want to be IN it! I want to GO HOME! so does Mark...ID Falls isn't that bad tho, I had best get used to it...I see a fight coming over where we are going to stay too...we are NOT going to be in an apt, and that is pretty final...I am not interested in negotiating that at this point...I want my pets, I want a small garden and I can't have either in an apt...YUCK...I HATE APTS!!!! I REFUSE!
so then Mark's boss hands down the decree that we WILL be living on the W side of ID Falls...well, butt head, unless you are pony-ing up the $$ for one of those spendy houses, we will damn well live where we please! this is NOT a tyranny, and you are NOT a dictator...
and my flowers...my beautiful flowers...that are blooming a good 8 hours away from where I am!! that SUCKETH! I spent all that $$ on bulbs and time and effort so I could have flowers, not so they can beautify a house I can't be in! the butt expects Mark to be a weekend father, not a chance in hell...Mark told him that ages ago, and he didn't listen...well listen now ***, that isn't going to happen...Mark doesn't even have much (if you call it much at all) experience in tanks...and you made him to be an expert...sheesh...can we say LOOSER! ug...stuck in a motel room with not much to do and a toddler that misses his doggy's, his Grandparents, his bed and his yard time!
but back to a better note...I need to talk it up so it isn't so bad for me right? *sigh* at least I am with Mark, and the area isn't all bad...went to the Nazerine church and met a few folks...typical Nazerine's, they are extremely friendly! gotta love it, am hoping to make a MOPS group Thurs...I almost can't wait, maybe I can grow to love ID Falls, who knows
and we are headed home next weekend...gotta go pick up a zillion things provided we have a house to put them in...we have a 3 week grace period, which we can handle no problem...I think...think if I could get settled into a house of our own we would be so much better...both of us miss our bed, our tv, the puters, the pets, the the the...and I can always plant plants wherever I am, right? I am pretty good at it!
ok, gotta go check out houses online in ID Falls, want to have some to look at this coming week...need SOMETHING to do!
stupid puter...had a post, lost it cuz the stupid thing locked on me AGAIN...I hate Mark's puter! anyway, was a bit of rambling, a bit of information...came reading my journal to see if I could figure out when I should next test...couldn't find a thing...bad bad Cindy forgot to put THAT in her journal (hey, maybe I was distracted!)
found the information FINALLY in a pm I sent (yes Kym, to you! so glad I did, was easier to find that way!)
Posted: 26 Feb 2004 13:21
Subject: Re: Well........
yeah I did, no I am not...af is here this morning 2 days early...a part of me is trying to hold out hope this is implantation, but more likely at least I am cycling and af is here
was the post, so looks like I should test.....maybe last week??? OMG! and I just peed...now that was STUPID!
will have to wait til later anyway...Brian is about to pass out and they haven't cleaned the room yet...so I gotta go find the maid and have her come back after lunch...SORRY damn, he is all but asleep in his toy box, gotta run will drink something so I have to pee soon...Don't worry Kym, you WILL most likely be the first to know! am determined to surprise Mark this time and that way will NOT BE on the phone!