had a great day with Mom today....she and I ran some errands, went to go get some juice for jelly and did you know Adventists are closed on Sat :doh: WE KNOW THAT! so we went to the "organic" section at Fred Meyer, got what we were looking for...then we all met Mark for lunch, which was pretty good! I had quesadillas, he had chile, Brian was mooching my stuff and G-ma's and Papa's (and even ate A LITTLE of his mac and cheese, which, btw, wasn't good :shrug: ) went to Lowes to get some more stuff, and then home...Mark was busy too, went to the Yamaha place for supplies and Walmart, then got the water craft put to bed for the winter (finally) when he came home, Mom and I did a batch of jelly, I did one on my own....pomagranite and blueberry for Christmas...was pretty easy...will do more later, but I forgot more pectin, and will go check out the health food store TOMORROW when it is open :roll:
Brian is most likely about to cut more teeth as he was a butt today for all of us....oh my he was a grump! not too bad at lunch, but put away quite a bit of food, and was even allowed A LITTLE Doda bwees (Soda Please)...Sierra Mist stuff...man that boy is growing SO FAST...he is in a few 2's that are big, and some 3's that aren't so big...the boy ISN'T EVEN 2!! :shock:
and Mark has been so attentive lately...and talking to Alex...and I have ONE MONTH until my u/s!! :party:
I CAN'T WAIT!
on a side note, haven't heard from JD in ages...I miss ya girl...you have been in my thoughts as we have been looking at some houses...nothing found, but it does remind me of the flowers and seeds way over there, and I hope you are doing well, and the lil buglets too....
also been cooking up a new scheme...more to follow later when I am given the ok too...am having fun with this..."new project" and the challenge it can provide...I could use a challenge about now...told Mark I really want a big project to tackle...that doesn't thrill him at all, but OH WELL...it isn't looking good for our move....not sure we could sell our current house, and the market out there is really starting to suck....I am not in any hurry, and wasn't really planning on getting serious til next spring, just watching things go by...we still have way too much to do here before we COULD sell it anyway.....ah well...we won't die here
ack, altho there WAS another mouse yesterday.....Tut was watching it (notice I DIDN'T say stalking it)...and I did this total recoil into a rather small ball on the couch and Mark was like WHAT? and I am trying to squeek out MOUSE! but it wouldn't come out...I pointed and he was gracious enough to kill it for me...ACK, since when did I get so girly? so missish? so....afraid of NOTHING? (Mark said it was cute, I am reserving the right to smack him later)...I am a country gal, I am the one that used to chase them down with the lawn mower (sorry, tmi, I know)...I am the one that has chased them down and "offed" them before...I am the rodent exterminater, WTH is up with THIS? oh wait...that's right, HORMONES...sheesh
what a weenie...what a scaredy cat...what a cat...Tut was insensed... too funny
ah well, he got over it, the mouse is gone, what more can I ask? :roll:
doing my pm ritual...shower, shave etc etc
and it hit me...my last b-day with G-ma was my 32....I got to spend 32 b-days with her...ok, I am trying to make it better, but ya know, that is more than some get, right? she has been on my mind lately...I do miss her...normal I know, but my heart aches for her...
and we forgot to plant the new walnut trees today...we were pretty busy..will just have to do it tomorrow...want to go to Lowe's with Mark, and think I have the incentive to go...we should go to church (I DO want too), but will see how I feel in the am...the nerve has been silent until this afternoon...at least it isn't as bad as it has been...maybe it is a GOOD sign? one can hope
and congrats Tiffany...now all ya gotta do is get preg...
my mother is having another major dingy fit...driving me absolutely nuts......ah well, other things are looking up! yesterday I felt lil Alex MOVE!! :party: at first I wasn't sure...been feeling things off and on and yesterday it was a for sure! 15 weeks and I feel Alex move!! :woohoo:
and on a different note...I have 5 cats...yeah, count em, 5 bleeping cats...at least 2 are great mousers, one not too shabby but old and not near as interested as he used to be...we won't discuss the other 2...they like to play but not sure they have KILLED a mouse...ever
we have 2 border collies...they like to chase stuff, right? Mom's bc was an excellent rodent dog...she could catch just about anything!
so, who is chasing and killing mice in my house? :huh: MY HUSBAND :dry: :pissed: :censored: :WTF: :paddle: first one of the non-mousers chases it down, grabs it (mouth), runs under the table, DROPS THE :censored: THING, at which point it runs into THE MASTER ROOM :WTF:
20 or so mins later, and several laps thru the closet, Mark got the stupid thing with a shoe...by now, it is ALMOST funny...would be if we didn't have such a problem.....I so need to set the traps back out...enough is enough :pissed: good news is, looks like a teen mouse...so hey, at least we are getting to the slim and stupid pickins, right? one can only hope!
oh now this is fun.....2 :censored: oclock in the am and I am hearing things in our bedroom...more mice I assume...OR the one that got away, ya never know....I went and mowed the pasture some more so the rodent squad (we have a pair of hawks and a bunch of owls around here) can do their thing, PLUS Dad is supposed to be bringing his tractor out this spring and he will want to see better as well.....the f'ing things are now in the house....I can smell them too...I am afraid of the disease they could bring.....and now I am so tired I am about to drop, but am also pretty wide awake now....and I am worried about Brian as well.....dear God but I am starting to hate this house again.....I would ask what now but honestly, I am afraid of the answer!
I have a friend that just can't get a break....I mean honestly, she has been beaten and an attempt on her life (more than one actually) buy her ex bf (also the sperm donor of her kids)...she has major health problems and LITERALLY can't work (even tho the state says otherwise, her Dr says NO and in writing...several different dr's for the record)...then the state says they are going to find said donor and make him pay child support (yeah, right...he also has several warrants and the cops can't find him, he is most likely not in the US anymore either)...her parents (ok, Dad has Alzheimers) are in poor health and she is doing her best (dispite HER health) to help them out...she helped us out when we really needed it and that finally gave me an opportunity to do something FOR her! she was our housesitter, and I couldn't have PAID anyone to do a better job (ok, I did find SOME ways to pay her, hard as she made it!)...to top it all off, she has major problems with depression...very major...she was just starting to get things settled down, her health so she could take an office type job (maybe post office)...she just met a guy that didn't beat on her or hospitalize her, altho he did have his share of problems...they were making a go of it and he was becoming "DadaMak" (his name was also Mark) to her kids....they needed one very badly, and she very badly needed the help
turns out one of the major problems he had was his health....he passed away today at her house, and her all but 3 yr old found him, was trying to wake him up....they aren't sure why he died...he HAD been fighting with his brother and they had been on the outs for almost a moon or more....but when push came to shove, he stood up for Liz and his brother...she isn't handling life well at all right now, which I can't blame her for at all...I gave her a friend of mine's #...she lost her dh to suicide and I thought (esp with her counseling background) she might be able to help...will try to get the two together eventually...and I am trying to be there for Liz as much as I can...understandably she doesn't much want company......Mark (my dh) is so concerned for her as well
and on top of it all, I feel so.....helpless....I have so much, she has lost so much more...I so want to help her out, but understand the pride in not wanting to accept it....will def be there as much as I can for her, altho at this point I don't know how I can best be a friend and help w/o overdoing it...
please please, pray for her...and for my other friend who is so concerned for her AND still healing from her loss....
dear God, I don't think I could make it w/o dh....and it scares me to death to think something could happen to him....pray for all of us...think dh is thinking the same way...
I am hormonal
I am pissed off
I am pregnant
he is picking a fight
he can't win, he knows that (or should)
nothing new either
he has so little experience in having a good pissing contest, WHY on EARTH would he start one with ME? the woman that can do a very good pissing contest...just call me Queenie...the ammunition I have...that I don't ever use...is right there on the tip of my tongue....ACK!
I GOT IT! I know why he is starting a pissing contest! :angry4: HE DOESN'T WANNA HAVE TO DO THE WIFE!!
that's it...dayam, all he had to do is say I don't want too.....is so much better then what he is doing now....geez, I know I am fat, pregnant and not dealing with it well...he doesn't have to rub it in! :blowup:
I GOT IT!!! :woohoo: I just got me a bona fide Lactina pump :woohoo: now I won't have to worry about renting, and I can recoup most of our $ when we are done with it :woohoo:
can you tell I am jazzed? oh boy, that much less worry! I WAS sort of worried about being able to bf Alex, but NOT NOW :woohoo:
now all I need is Alex, right? only 6+ MOS TO GO, RIGHT
WOW! got Yvonne to actually come on over and give me a perm!! :woohoo:
was about to shave it all off.......was driving me TOTALLY nuts, and I finally gave up on growing it out and straight...it looked terrible! ah well.....it looks good now! and not too curly...she did cut it a lil shorter, and redid my grown out top, so at least now I won't be tempted to shave it! it does look good...am just amazed it was that quick...I asked yesterday and wasn't expecting anything for a week or two at least!
and stretched tonight, even tho things were still sore...and have a head cold......ah to be able to take the medication that really works :roll:
ah well, the one I am taking at least takes the edge off, maybe I can sleep tonight!
has been what, 3 :censored: weeks since I got some? GEEZ, I was getting this much sex when I was in a long distance relationship!! SHEESH
and I tried to cancel most of Christmas...truely I did...I refuse...am not going to decorate, am not going to put up a thing...my shopping is done except for my brother and bil, oh yeah, and nephew, but for the most part, I am totally done (they will be easy, know what to get bro, just gotta go get it, nephew as well)
and to top things off, the sob has a cold sore....asked him to call the dr about getting something to make it go away sooner....he calls, they give him the run around, and he wastes $$ on the damn campho shit...ya know, the shit that does basically NOTHING...and he is supposed to be taking l-lysine as well, but he doesn't want too (and only taken one today) :angry4:...do you know what kissless sex is like?? IT SUCKETH! so, will be a month and a :censored: half before I get sex....and if it is like last time, not bad, but certainly not the greatest either
damn, I need a boytoy....I am not interesting in being his f'ing room-mate....I had more fun than this with my roomie, and we weren't having sex!!! I just want to go back to being an adult...I should scare me up a job
got out today to Walmart :roll: how fun :nono: spent way too much, had to transfer $ as well (also because of Thanksgiving food and Christmas spending) :shock: GEEZ!
ah well, feeling better anyway.....am feeling a LITTLE back to my natural Sheera state...saw a damn mouse run across the floor, and instead of deafening the damn thing, I just watched it...TODAY, it honestly didn't bother me THAT much...I knew I couldn't catch it either...so I flipped up the recliner on the couch and VOILA! Prissy (the one that ALWAYS catch and releases) brought it out
dropped it on the floor...I wacked it with the shoe...no shreiking, no nausea, no urge to run, hair streaming, boy in tow, screaming like a mad woman into the night, sans the coat!!
feeling pretty DARN good about it too even threw the body in the trash, got the groceries put away, braved the crowds...
oh yeah, and had 2 cans of Dr Pepper this am :shock: :nono: :doh:
*SIGH* I know, I really shouldn't but OMG they were SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOD :shrug:
I won't tomorrow...I guess...man I miss those things
it is 3 bleeping 30 in the am....my barometer ankles are going off, I am about to gnaw my leg off...isn't being preg fun??? been awake since about 3, altho Brian is sleeping fairly well in the bed (NOT the crib) and has been since 11 when I went in there to crash with him...ya know, I have a perfectly good bed of my own son, with a sleeping mate that doesn't periodically assault me or commandeer MY pillows, asleep or not!
wish I was in it....well, better go find something to eat of I MIGHT actually have to chew on a limb....and my splitting head...ack...only 6 more months....my new chant
amazing what a lil sleep can do for a body!! last night he was only up once, and night before he slept thru, all the way, AND slept in til 9 :party:
dang that felt good
and have one more gift to get and I am all done...gonna be a gift cert so is just a matter of picking it up....I am jazzed about being DONE....even got Brian's gifts last night..more mega block sets, one with a choo cho and one set with tracks.....OH BOY...and the set has a box of its own and that is SO important (yeah, he is learning to clean things up, like it or not)
and G-ma reaffirmed she is getting him that neato toy box.....got his room cleaned out, the too small clothes put away...etc etc...it looks pretty good in there too
and my Dad is back from Cincinati? Minasota? wherever it was he went, he is home, and both he and Mom are rather happy about it...now maybe Mom will undingy for us....SHEESH....
thigns are looking up...feeling better, gonna have lunch with Mark....one of the last.....he got the contract with Flour and won't be home for lunch anymore, BUT, he WILL have every other Fri off!! :woohoo:
a trade, one I can live with...not like I have a choice...so I am off to primp for my Mark!
today, I really wanted to go to church, but am afraid we are still contageous, so we stayed home...seems that is where we are getting our colds anyway, and that doesn't thrill me either :roll: joy
got some :sex: night before last...quick, not too bad, but ON THE OTHER HAND, we have a Hockey Booster Club Christmas dinner tonight and G-ma and G-pa are taking the boy over night...gonna get me some good stuff tonight!!! :woohoo: :party: both of us are getting over our head colds, Brian is back to sleeping thru most of the night, Mark's cold sore is gone (oh man that L-Lysine works like magic!!) no clue what we are going to do for the afternoon :twisted: maybe I will have to see how adventurous I can get him to be (ya THINK?)
most likely tho, we will be getting some quick cleaning in... :doh:
and found out why I wasn't feeling well the last few weeks....seems I am mostly off the caffienne as well....got my orange stash tea and didn't notice the white DECAF in the rest of the black lettering.... :shrug: hey, is mostly done anyway....dang I do miss my am dr pepper...really really bad...and I do get headaches when I overdo the sugar... *sigh* soooooooo
anyway, Brian is about to go down for his am nap, esp if he doesn't calm down and stop the :nono: better go rescue the dog, Mark is too busy playing his hockey game to see the dog is about to be assaulted with her chew stick :roll:
well, we went to the hockey christmas banquet...the food was better then normal (altho to be honest I really wanted spuds!!) and at least we didn't have it in some run down weirdo hall from hell....good company too.....was not too bad (but I am asking WHY we go, kwim?)
and G-ma has the boy, I want him back already :doh: am I sick or what? had way too much sugar, but OMG it was sooooooooo good (the desert part) I am so stuffed....not all bad for me either....
got a bit of the house cleaned as well...and did some minor grocery shopping done...can't complain too much I guess
now all I want is to go to bed early :twisted:
oh my, what a night mine went fantastic, and Mark's started out pretty well....but he got next to no sleep...my poor man...he says he can't figure out WHY he didn't sleep :doh: could be cuz he is starting a new job today.....he said "NO, AND STOP TRYING TO ANALYZE ME!" but honey...I wasn't...I hit it right on the head...
this would be THE same company he was laid off from 2 yrs ago...this would explain the cold sore, this would explain so very much...I am not analyzing him, I KNOW!
and he is gone already...like a good lil wife, I got up with him and sat with him while he was doing his "wake up" routine, altho I am guessing he is lucky to have had 4 hrs last night...so he left an hr earlier than normal....poor guy, really I feel for him
but not so much that I am not going back to bed....the house is eirily quiet w/o Brian here, but if I show up at Mom's NOW, she might shoot me man I really missed being able to kiss Brian good night and check on him before bed.....on the other hand, :woohoo: last night sure was GOOD!!
oh man, I have a getting nastier by the day head cold....it was all but gone and I stopped taking my C and then ds started waking up at night again...PEACHY! so, the sore throat, runny nose and cough are back with a vengence...and to make things OH SO LOVELIER...I am getting a bloody nose, and when I cough or sneeze, I LEAK!! so now, not only am I running to the bathroom cuz I am preg, NOW I run even when I DON'T have to go Crying or Very sad
it can get worse too, and I know it...I actually remembered to take my c and 'natal this am....not likely to forget it for awhile....now, if I could just get back to sleep Rolling Eyes
whine whine, cry cry, wah wah
on the other hand, I AM done with my Christmas shopping, and that really feels good...today I might go look at a treadmill so I can at least get active...Brian was up at 5 again this am, and here it is quarter to 7 and I MIGHT be able to go to sleep, but on the other hand, with the bloody nose..ACK
shopping done, shopping done, shopping done!!!
and we have the company Christmas party tomorrow....oh fun, get to watch everyone get drunk and I can't have any *sigh* dang, I never really want any until I CAN'T have any....I am so bad :nono: and for today, I really want to finish another one of Liz's blankets (or 2 or all 3) and at least get started on my sister's present...and get the rest of them wrapped as well...
and, instead of getting home early today (Hanford's wacky schedule) Mark needs to head in to the office today and help get the rest of the stuff he turned over straightened out....poor Dan, he is so swamped now.....am still trying to figure out WHY they sent us to ID, isn't like they didn't have a SHITLOAD of stuff here....and now they are getting way behind...
is ok tho, he should have NEXT Fri off :woohoo: and we MIGHT go to Leavonworth...I AM going to head to Wenatchee sometime next week tho, if nothing else to see Alicia and drop some stuff off for her :bighug:
oh good, looks like the nose has stopped fir the moment.....I should run for bed...hey, maybe I can get a whole whopping 1/2 hr sleep :shock: OR, if I get really lucky, more
man, my us/ is on Monday, and OMG I am going nuts...I so want to see lil Alex, and I so what to know WHAT s/he is!!
and Mark let me sleep in this am....OMG that was wonderful...AND I took a nap, so at least I don't feel like death warmed over anymore...still feel a little crummy, just not downright nasty...dang, I so hate head colds...looks like Brian is feeling better too...and he and Daddy are having a good time as well...
and called on a treadmill as well, will see if I can catch her later, she wasn't there...talked to her Thurs night, but didn't feel well enough to head out there yesterday, so it is most likely gone, but if it isn't, HERE I COME! man I truely need to do SOMETHING...and we can't exactly walk much around here *sigh*
oh yeah, and the company party is tonight....ick, I really don't want to go...I am just a hick and I don't go for non-hick/family outings where I stick out like a sore thumb, altho I don't do too bad when I dress up, still....I have so lil patience for "fakeness", and it gets worse when I am preg....how fun...NOT
ah well, Mark WANTS to go.....no problem.....I become more a homebody when I am preg....is ok....I have a good excuse
am all dressed up...actually have something to wear :shock: need to get my makeup on but I honestly don't want too....
sitter isn't here maybe I will get lucky? :shrug:
got most of my sister's gift done....gotta do Abby's tomorrow....looking FABULOUS!
ack....still have the head cold from hell...I feel like crap...still have a nasty headache, still coughing, still nasty nose....
BUT, Brian was an angel this am! he slept until 10!! :shock: I couldn't believe it! he has NEVER done that before (slept straight thru) NEVER EVER...and he is acting like HE is feeling better, so now maybe I can get over mine!!
and we had a total ball yesterday, great ultrasound, my lil Alexander Christian...he looks so much like his brother is funny! I can't wait til I get to see him in person! on the other hand, I already have a "lumpy" tummy...he usually hangs out verticle just to the left of the belly button...he DOES move so much more than Brian did, and Daddy felt him move yesterday too...
Daddy and G-ma went and finished most or the rest of their Christmas shopping (IE me :roll: ) and had Brian while I went and had my nails done...had lunch at Applebee's which wasn't too bad...the nails don't look bad, but not what I had in mind :shrug:
and I had Mark for the rest of the day too....he took a nap, I hope he isn't coming down with my cold :nono:, I got some sewing done, and Liz came over later last night and I got some more of her blankets done :woohoo: and she and I got to talk, and she and Brian and Mark and the girls were having a ball "booing" each other! way too cute!
alas, lunch is finally finished
....I DO have Mark to myself (I hope) Fri, and we might go to Leavonworth, will see...found out a friend of mine's daughter is getting married on Sat, and she wants us to go...we will see, we ALSO have a game Sat and daughter and I were never really close or interested in one another (and I know we are expected to bring a gift)
this would be the same one that still has our second car seat...the one that "wasn't a forever thing" that is turning that way...we GOT that for 2 reasons, first was so Daddy would have a back up car seat if we needed it (and btw, have had many times it would be nice!) AND we got it to reside in G-ma's car...moving those things are a ROYAL pia....I am sorry they can't afford it, I also expect it to come back sometime around May encrusted with lots o crap
it is also going to be Alex's seat when he gets out of his carrier...if I remember correctly that was about 4 mos with Brian....we WERE going to use it FOR Alex but not so sure now, we might not have it!
ack, I am off track.....just tired of this merry go round
food smells good, had better go see if it has cooled off enough to eat....smells REALLY good
*sigh* so I did a silly thing last night...really silly...I was talking to God and said "ya know, tomorrow I really need to be motivated to clean something, if you could get me going, oh say about 8, that would be good. yeah, 8, please get me up and going at 8"
this morning at 8 I changed my mind...can I please go back to sleep now? dang cold...ick...Brian woke up and started complaining at 7:56 this morning...SHEESH
oh well, got the sheets off my bed for washing, figured that way I AM motivated to stay out of bed for a lil while....stupid cough, won't go away, sore gut now too....gonna go medicate, make my tea, play with my boy and get more laundry ready to go....sleeping in would have been so much better :roll:
all this after I check mail and give Jules a chance to rope me into SOMETHING ELSE NOT TODAY!
ok, not until later when I really need a reason to procrastinate!
we went out today, out into the insanity...altho I must comment on how MILD the word insanity is...every idiot with a car (notice I DIDN"T say licence) is out today in force....we were going to head (for sure) to 3 places, a maybe on 4, ended up 5 :roll:
we were going for sure to Michaels, Best Buy, Office Max....Michaels for Mark's Dad's Christmas gift, Office Max for Christmas Stationary and Best Buy cuz it is right in between the two (all in the same connected building)...took me less than 20 mins to hit my two (Michaels and OM), met Mark at Best Buy and we were off and done in less than half an hour :shock:
so Mark says lets go look at the new Mustang :roll: I am not impressed, it was only a V6 and we didn't even get out of the truck...yeah, us sitting in our pretty new 04 F150 with the competition's plates on they wouldn't deal, so we didn't get the truck there!
then we headed to Cosco, trying to find those polar bear thigns, they were out, neither of us were surprised
now we are SUPPOSED to be getting ready to go to a wedding I don't see a real need OR want to go too, but, oh well, we go anyway....it is at 4, we leave in 30 mins, I might kill Mark in 15 when I ahve to get his grumpy ass up from his nap (which, btw, would have been FANTASTIC to have as well :angry4: )
oh yeah, at after that, we have to figure out dinner, and we have a game at 7...one we ARE NOT going to miss or be late for! PERIOD...
grumble grumble grumble grumble
still trying to figure out why I didn't get out of goign to the wedding... :doh: maybe we will just have to go OUT for dinner!
it is over
it is done
tomorrow I am going to take the tree down, that makes me happy
Mark made a comment last night...i asked if we could take the tree down, and he said I always want to do that....I sighed and said "I never used too"
I mean honestly, my first tree (on my own) we had the tree up until the end of Jan (man it got bad! needles half gone or more!), and that became pretty common...leaving up the tree until THE last moment...
but, what do you expect when someone ruins the holidays for ya? when every lil thing you buy is analyzed? when I expect (and get) at least ONE major blow up before the holidays...what DOES he expect me to do, decorate and throw a party?? NOT
altho, as usual, I did get a killer gift from him...I have wanted a garage opener since we moved out here, and now I have one, complete with keyless entry! Liz got me a really fanastic quilting book and a blanket, Mom and Dad got me a tiller attachment for the weed wacker (toooooo cool! been asking for that!)...Mark liked his gift I guess, but is hard to tell :roll: and Brian et al made out like a bandit
so things are going very well...esp the OVER part...we had some prime prime rib, and the rest of the trimmings were fantastic...very good, not so labor intensive that it wasn't easy to do either :party:
what more could I ask for? oh yeah, forgot to call my sister, altho I did remind Mom several times and it just didn't happen...I wonder what she thought of her apron? made her and my neice a matching one for their gift, worked my fingers to death doing it, but they looked great! I really hope she likes it...she got me more cow towels for the kitchen...I love it! :woohoo:
oh man, another head cold...either that or the last one is back (doubt that tho, is a lil different)...seems Brian has it too, he is being a pia today :roll: he was wacking Katie with the brush earlier....so I applied it to the seat of knowledge...he KNOWS he is NOT to do that! we did get a nap this am...altho he ALSO got up at 7, after I got up at 6....we NEEDED that nap! I need another one...anyone wanna watch the boy so I can sleep? I should call Mom :doh:
and had a good apt with the midwife yesterday....still haven't gained any wt, bp, Alex' heartrate and measurements are all fine....great actually....Brian put on quite a show for her, too funny (he is so cute!)
and we had some sghetti last night...I so didn't want much, but it didn't kill me I guess
talked to Tiff, don't worry hon, it'll happen...you are just starting...He will bless you with what is best, you have to believe that ya know!
dang, I am off for something for the big kettle drums beating in my head and the nose...ew...at least Brian's isn't running
damn, I am not doing good...depression is setting in...I don't want to be a Mom today, I don't want to be pregnant...I want to go get loaded, burn weeds, guzzle dr pepper, eat junk, cry my brains out, do some heavy-assed work that I can distract myself with, or go to work....I just don't want to do this, and I have 4 mos to go, and several mos of sleeplessness to follow...WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?
post partum my ass, how about pre-partum....there is not much worse then this time of year....and this year I don't even have the after Christmas credit card bill (as far as I know)
someone just shoot me, PLEASE?
am sorry, Tiff, really I am.........but I need a time out....I am also in the process of moving out of the master bedroom and into Brians (until I can get the third bedroom redone, and figure out where to put the dogs)
I just can't deal with this...if I honestly thought I could do it on my own, I would give it a shot, but my boys deserve so much better...I can't deal with this, I just can't
I am no mans property, I am under no man....I will not be, I have not been, not now, not ever, and I sure as hell aren't going to start now
needless to say the fighting has escalted a bit.....yeah, is over $$, which would appear to be way more important than I am, and unfortunately I KNEW this for some time...I made him return my Christmas gift today, and will be returning his tomorrow if I can (and some odds and ends I have here)
and it also looks like my boys will be in daycare sometime soon, unless I can make other arrangements....I will need to go find a job, in fact I will start looking tomorrow, so if I am not around much, I appologise
oh yeah, and would someone please tell Jules I am sorry about the pics but they aren't going to happen? I gotta go, I can barely see to type
I know, I should journal :nono: :doh: but I haven't spent much time on the puter (gaming OR here :roll: ) and I should I guess :shrug: is just honestly I HAVE been busy! am not ignoring ya all
am moved into Brian's room...is rather small, but hey, I have lived in worse....my roommate likes ti get up about 2 and come sleep with Mama and that isn't such a great thing (for him) but works for me (HEY, he doesn't snore or hog the covers! and if I don't like his position I just move him and go back to sleep but I do acknowledge that I most likely shouldn't be there and will MOST LIKELY move my "dh" and his puter out of the dog/shit room and move the bed in there...maybe then Brian will go back to sleeping thru the night (and thus, I can too )
been busy too....got Brian's room cleaned out, rearranged (yeah yeah, I WAS CAREFUL!), but between all the cleaning/rearranging and furniture moving/removing/changing.....well, not much time for the puter.....I have been in SOME, but not much at all...overdid it too....Mon I hurt all over, and yesterday I actually had a couple back spasms, but that is as much from totally not getting half the sleep I needed as anything....and the headache yesterday was KILLER....ALSO from no sleep, which can cause high bp.....and all the dust I have raised wasn't good either
but got all the stuff I am going to get out of the master room/master bath...is rather naykid in there and it makes a rather stunning point all in it's own....and I did get some wash done, the dog room no longer looks like a dynomited chicken and isn't so totally overstuffed with way too large furniture and tools that even unfinished (and still needing more cleaning) it looks WAY better...so much swearing from "dh" too....he made the huge mistake of coming home early Mon....I greeted him with "what the HELL are YOU doing home?" and it didn't get better either...I couldn't do what I was doing (with the dolly and furniture) with his car now in the way so I oh so delicately asked him to help (told him I couldn't do what I was doing with his car in the way....he got the unscathed mental car pic and helped, even AFTER I informed him he wasn't going to like what I was doing)....and he didn't :angry4: even tho things are looking SO BY FAR better...there are a couple boxes to go to the garage in the hall, I have a stack of ebay stuff too...never sold anything on ebay :shurg: but I need to start....I do have a pump in style to sell and that should get me a few $$
I did make him take back the garage door opener back...my oh so wonderful (absolutely NO sarcasm there, really, I really really wanted it, and was devastated but it NEEDED to be returned, and I will not be accepting it back, altho if I sell the pis for enough.....hmmm.....maybe.....) he wasn't going to do it, but honestly, I don't know that I could have returned it!....am going to see if I can take his f'ing remote plane back, is obvious he isn't that interested in it....we did have the you are not to get me "one :censor: thing for me for Christmas", and I am also returning anything no opened (which, btw, he did FOR me on a couple things)...regardless he is a tad more pissed with about each day he comes home :protest: :bonkself: :blowup: :fallingbricks: :violin:
he hates change :violin: I hate dealing with his "former" us in my life and in my house......if he was so attached to her and THEIR stuff, he should have found a way to live with her and her girlfriend (yeah, girlfriend) he at least isn't STUPID enough to throw her in my face anymore...hey, old dog CAN be taught new trick in fact when I get pissed enough to bring her up, he back treadles so fast and so hard it is actually funny!
so anyhow, so many things to do, so many things to change, so many things to clean......oh yeah, did I mention as soon as it warms some I am going to maybe attack the garage?
JUST GOT THIS IN EMAIL......Well
You have moved out.... had to reorganize Brians room so you could move in.... guess I should not expect to come back soon.....
I have so much to say ...... I am so angry at what you are doing..... as usual everything is being done your way.... I don't even know why you ask what I want ... it is done your way now or 'thats ok I'll do it later'....
Do not expect me to be civil......... or even pretend to be a little happy when I am home ....... you have hurt me..... deeply and spitefully........ and I am tired of pretending to your friends and your family.....
Cancel the goody gang... I have other things to do Friday........ for that matter you had best cancel Briand Birthday tonight....
I don't feel like celibrating anything and I won't pretend to be happy anymore around your parents.
You have finally made home a place I don;t want to be...
guess maybe we are headed for divorce.....awwwwwwwwww, he is angwee
and pretend to be civil? he has been PRETENDING to be civil?
chipper? that sounds like such a cute word
anyone want a roommate?? :shrug: I can cook, I don't clean much, I am for sure a hormonal psychotic bitch from hell :twisted: and will drive any man away in 2.6 secs flat, and I don't take orders/tyranny well!
I should just get a lawyer and get it over with......everyone knows I am not marriage material anyway!
if it is war he wants, it is war he gets...I can make anyone regret anything, and I CAN make him regret me
damn him and his spiteful emails...he can't talk to me, but he can take pot shots from work AFTER he refuses to talk to me on the phone, he can spend time writing his long spiteful letters
boy had better calm down or I will go get a lawyer today, NOWHERE on my body is there a large target and I don't appreciate being made one
Dang, girl, remind me to never piss you off! Anyway, I think you need a hug :bighug: so there ya go! BTW...you should still do Brians birthday party because after its about Brian...not him!
Hang in there...Love ya!
yeah, we are headed to the folks until I wear out our welcome...I don't need some ass to ruin it....just a change of venue
oh boy, 10 pages...whoopie
am about to move the puter...will have my own cave now I guess...and if he doesn't like his puter in the living room he can stick it up his ass....am moving the double bed in there so maybe Brian will go back to sleeping thru the night, altho he did last night, and that was much appreciated...he also is taking a long am nap today (so most likely no pm nap :roll: ) and so I have FINALLY got some sleep.....still feeling really sleep drunk and woozy, but damn I havent slept much in what, a week? guess I am due for some
so now I get to pack up my puter and scrunch things in the cave again.....ah well, maybe I should hold off and see if he sleept thru again tonight, it COULD be that he has a cold or is teething (one could be the same as the other ya know) and things have settled down, still.....am getting pretty close to done with this part anyway
and dinner at the folk's wasn't too bad....we had a cupcake for desert and he was enthralled with the "owows" on top, which we almost taught him to blow out....not sure that is a good thing :nono:
so back to cleaning....how fun :angry4:
well, got dh out of the back room, and the next time he says ONE WORD about the mess on my puter desk he is going to be shot...the shit I found is amazing, down to ONE of Brian's CLEAN socks (or was before the dust bunny attacked it)....and the crap that was behind it was unbelievable....what a HUGE FUCKING MESS...is ok tho, I have taken over...now he can keep HIS desk clean!
and OW...OMG I hurt...and I am finally hungary too...guess I should eat something?? oh man, I still have miles to go too.....ick...just want to melt on the heating pad, but don't have too long to make dinner, clean up and vacate before dickhead gets back
oh yeah, and I measured twice, and got plenty of room for both bed, shelves and puter against one wall...now it isn't there....EEK I am so not moving this desk again, it just isn't going to happen!
ah the joys of being married :angry4: he is back to pretending everything has been forgotten and nothing is wrong....he is (amazingly enough) sending subtle hints about me moving back into his room OMG, he HAS to be KIDDING! NOTHING has been resolved, he as just cooled off until NEXT time HE is irritated. as in even tho we haven't fixed ANY of our problems, he "forgives" me and wants to drop it :shock:
well, I am not budging...when he gets around to talking to me he will find THE step to get me to think about moving back is COUNSELING...no huggy kissy touchy feely is going to do it this time...I am not going to be the only one caving in and waiting until the OTHER shoe drops... :banghead: :fallingbricks:
and, to top things off, Brian is full blown teething, as whitnessed by Mom catching sight of his almost new fangs...yeah, FANGS...he has 1.5 already (both have poked thru on the bottom, can only see one tho :roll: ) and the top two are coming in...not too many signs of molars yet, but I expect them any time now, that's my life :doh:
oh yeah, and no pics yet...I am going to get them done very soon, just not much in the mood right now, maybe Monday??
:spanking: man I am getting steamed again, he can kiss my back 40! :bumshakin: :bullcrap: what the hell is he smoking anyway? :dontknow:
I hate ice, I hate freezing rain more, I hate winter
can't it just be March already? ACK! ah well, kills off bugs I guess :roll:
he took my truck to work today, with the shit on the roads I wasn't about to let him drive his tiny lil car, makes him a target and I am SO not going to go pull him out of the ditch at 6:15 am and I DO NOT need to go anywhere today anyhow...and I feel icky anyhow, altho I did finally get a lil sleep, just not much last night :doh:
I swear I have swallowed a huge tape worm, this kid wants so much food....just hook me up to an iv with cereal THANKS...is all I want anyhow...wakes me up in the middle of the night now ALONG with his brother who is fanging the top two fangs now.....and who knows, could be molars too, I have no idea :shrug: and he isn't that willing to let me take a good look
Calgon take me away, or someone JUST SHOOT ME!! PLEASE!
Hanford let out today at noon
so, theoretically Mark should have been home at 12:45 or 1 at the latest (yeah, even with the ice...yeah, ICE...as in freezing rain)
it is past 1:30
he has my truck! :pissed: and I do NOT want it scratched, or him for that matter...I may have to strangle him, this is ridiculous
2 hrs later and he pulls into the driveway, guess it is a lil icy out there :roll:
no scratches either so I don't have to kill him...that is good
well, I asked him if he would go to counseling last night, and he agreed...albeit VERY grudgingly so I said fine, don't go...he said no, you have been wanting too for a long time so let's go...not sure how good this is going to be, but at least it is a starting point...
and that was pretty much my condition for sleeping in his room...so last night I did, er...I tried too...dayam that boy is grumpy...this teething garbage is getting OLD, and he slept very little last night, was up this am at 5:30, I went in to comfort him somewhere between 12 and 2, ended sleeping in there with a wiggle/twitchy worm that likes to assault the Mama :nono:
have more to say, but also have his 2 yr check up this am and should get going.....man I am so tired I feel pretty wasted.....here is hoping for a nap!
OMG! I am not sure what to do!! I GOT SOME SLEEP!!! :woohoo: :shock:
feeling so much better today, which is good I guess, I have a ton of things to do too...including errands and wash :roll: (when don't i? :shrug: )
BUT, hey, at least today I feel human and not like some zombie!!
sometimes this place just pisses me off big time...but then, some days I am just pissy.....ACK
the boy...the teething fang boy...has at LEAST 2 upper fangs coming in, maybe molars and is TAP DANCING on my last nerve...he is being AN ASS...I have been hit, clocked with a car first thing this am, assundry other things since then, and I am already sore enough THANK YOU VERY MUCH
and am finding out some of the deals I got on ebay were not deals, I was taken....EEK...how fun...and the other stuff I thought was good stuff isn't going to get me anywhere either....more fun....and I am sick and tired and sore from this preg and I hate it....I want more kids, but certainly not this way!
I just need a real life....wish I could find one!
on an up note.....my sister, who is 37 weeks along, is now 4 cm dialated and having braxton hicks, which COULD be actual contrax...for her, I certainly hope so....she is on injections 2 or more times a day now and she is worse off then me...has the head cold from hell too, but overall, she is just ready to be done
I almost couldn't hear her over her son that was shrieking for some reason (most likely cuz she was on the phone :roll: )....HEY, at least Brian isn't THAT loud, altho he certiainly isn't quiet....God help me if Alex is...I so don't need that part!
from my Jan board! guess I need to go pack some stuff!! :woohoo:
the next gypsy tribe that comes thru can buy him cheap! I HAVE HAD IT! with the whining, the trying to dislocate my finger, the assaulting, the not listening, the nono's, the teething, the lack of sleep, the total harrassment of the pets, ALL OF IT! I called Grandma today, and begged....I offered her money, I said I would take her to lunch, I said I would pay for her to take someone ELSE to lunch, then I offered her my truck. yes, my truck!
she will come get him this afternoon........AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH
THEN she said I could keep the truck and don't have to take her to lunch :woohoo: I guess abject begging DOES work!
OMG WHAT was I thinking when I got preg again?? :shock:
my sister had her baby this am at 7 AK time and both her and "baby girl" are doing fine guess they are still fighting over her name, and there IS NO agreement so far on a name
she has to have one to go home I guess :roll:
I don't have other particulars but thought that was pretty cool......only 15 or so more weeks to go, right? oh man I hurt today....oh well, am going to have Mommy time today....no boy, no pissy dickhead, just me and my truck
we need bonding time anyway....I should go get her washed.....am going to ask if we have the $ to do so, I know my constantly asking if we have the $ BEFORE I go do things is wearing really thin on him............
awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww....how sad...yeah yeah, the fight is still on I guess...am going to cancel the counseling, it is going to be OH so spendy and insurance most likely won't cover it or much of it and I don't need THAT thrown in my face either.....not going to tell him until after I cancel it either, and am going to pull a Mark and email it too him...he should be thrilled :twisted:
so, the arguement starts over the fact that I burried "his" car washing crap with all the stuff from the house that I had to take out when I was rearranging w/o his permission (something unsaid, but obviously he is still rather pissed off I have touched HIS stuff)
so he gets on my case about that, about the tools that are out in the garage that don't belong there and it sort of escalated from there. I told him he was the laziest ass I had met in a long time cuz it was too much to ask for him to walk out to the garage to get ANY tools (damn I am lucky I don't have a SAW in here! oh wait, I did for a while!!!) and he said I would just loose the tools out in the yard....1. my tools anyway, 2. WRONG 3. amazing how I have so many MORE tools then he does and can't get to them cuz He BURRIED THEM!
so I am getting ready to go get my nails done (see below), side trip out to the garage to see if I can find what the hell he is talking about...ON TOP of some stuff that has been there for 3 yrs sits a bucket with his wheel brush and car mitt in it........figured that CAN'T be what he is looking for as it would have BIT HIS ASS if he HAD LOOKED
so I look some more, find a box of wax etc way back in there that I havn't touched OR BURRIED but HE DID when we came home from ID...figured that had to be it, and spied the inside wipe thingies on the counter next to my truck
I am out in the garage, I have a cell phone and I am not afraid to use it
I called him, asked him what the hell he was looking for, so he tells me "a bucket with car stuff in it" no soap, no wax, knew where the wipes were
I told him you mean x bucket?
"yeah, you found it? :shock:"
oh yeah you ass, if you HAD LOOKED, it was RIGHT WHERE YOU LEFT IT IN PLAIN SIGHT!
I am going to paint the sob a bright orange color cuz I know how much he HATES orange, but WON'T be able to miss that way.....ah yes, this right after I made him tally up the bills he paid today, figure out the $ amount he wanted left in the account and call to see what was left IN the account, to see if I can get my well overdue nails done (one broken been almost 3.4-4 weeks?) and an excuse to get out of dodge
that pissed him off too.......turns out when I don't go get all that spendy shit he likes me to get at the store and all that beef, VOILA! $ in the account...on the other hand, I poked too....couldn't resist...told him it must be totally from my lack of wasteful spending...that turned the knife a lil...and is also why I called on the phone...he wants to fight, GAME ON! I am so up to it, he can SO kiss my ass...and he hung up on me, told me if I wanted to argue to come back in the house why on earth would I do that? so he can talk me out of going out??
so, now he is trying to say he said sorry first time, and I said NO, I got a sarcastic thanks, but NO SORRY, and hung up on him.....how childish, but how refreshing sometimes
and tell me, I got married for this???????
good news/bad news!
good news: Brian slept thru the night last night :party:
bad news: bad Mama was up til really late (almost 2) GAMING! I didn't want to go to bed, honestly didn't feel tired THEN, and my back was so on fire it was pathetic!
so, I am dragging....of course, so is Brian, seems the boy is going to try to catch up on his sleep (I hope) so maybe I can get a nap.....not COUNTING on it, but hoping for it! :nono: I know I know, that was foolish, but.......................................
oh boy, got a nap!! :woohoo: feeling quite a bit better...no more late night gaming, I DO know better :doh:
and called and canceled the counseling.....I can just see it now...he is going to expect ONE session to "fix" things, and then whine when it doesn't, AND whine when he has to pay for it, he isn't going to want to hear ANYTHING I have to say, even that is going to piss him off cuz then his "perfect" lil house of cards will crumble and once again, I will be totally at fault
and I dont' need it.....will be interesting to see what happens next....things are still only getting worse
and the next person that says it is all due to my being preg, ESPECIALLY my mother, is gonna get both barrels...I gave her a shot across the bow last night....a warning shot of sorts and think she got the hint, but damn she can be so clueless...I told her to wait til November when I stick to my no Christmas edict and all this shit hits the fan...no, I didn't say shit, but she wants to push it I can ya know.....what a crock of shit....this has been going on for YEARS...I made a huge mistake...I knew I wasn't marriage material, what the HELL was I thinking??
and Mom says he is so good for me.....GOOD GOD is a good thing she wasn't there in person...the hormonal side of me WOULD have slapped her
so I canceled the apt for Fri, and got no confirmation from him at all.... :shrug: guess he is just relieved, and I knew he would be...damn but that steamed my panties into a wad tho....comes out after his shower with the good foo foo on (Eternity) and that didn't help much
don't touch me asshole
and he didn't....good, I didn't want to have to break his hand
so I went to bed last night and laid there for a good 30-45 mins trying to relax to go to sleep.....I almost got up, and then decided mind over matter, JUST DO IT and managed to go out.....my back and my front are KILLING me.....how fun :nono: :doh:
and Brian got up at 3, but didn't need, er....assistance? and was more or less back out by the time I checked on him, but was up at 6:15 and certainly had no signs of going back to sleep (even tho he was in bed with me!) so by 7 we were up, got some breakfast and a TON of serious grumping, so by 7:30 I put him back down and he didn't pass out RIGHT away, but did pretty quickly
so now here it is 8 and I am dragging myself...will be lucky to get an hr of sleep, so I am going to try to get at it.....I hate being preg this time around...not only the OW factor, not just the STRESS factor, but the whole package.....I just don't want to do this anymore :roll:
and that would be my whine fest for today...man I am turning into one big bitchy baby
oh joy....Brian just pulled my dresser over on top of him...no clue what he was doing as he was SUPPOSED to be on the bed and I turned my back for like 2.1 secs...scared the shit out of me....guess it comes out and my stuff goes back in the master...he fucking wins...fine, sent HIM a hate mail today...at least he knows what is going on....I told him to not fuckign touch me anymore and that his lil "celebration" last night was totally uncalled for and that I wasn't leaving but only cuz of the boys
so now I have a shit load of things to do....damn I need a drink, and I can't fucking have one....why can't I be as spineless as a jelly fish? why can't I just be happy? damn, now I get to cry as I get to work....peachy
actually, I think Brian was trying to climb the drawers....and since those come out so dang easy he was having a ball until it came over.....peachy....he is finally climbing and it isn't good
here ya go, someone please run and get me about 1000?
well, they decided on a name for the baby!! Allison Marjean (not sure how to spell it, but ok, close enough!) she was just over 6 lbs and 18 inches long...pretty small if you ask me, but then I am used to having a moose soooooooooooo......Mom said that was the same length Becky was at birth :shock: OH REALLY??
guess they can go home now and from what Mom said there is a story to go with it too...not a good one, she has been on heprin and there was way too much in her system to deliver, and I guess the staff was getting pretty excited....will call her in a few days to see how she is getting along!
I get this email this am from Mark:
We need a do over....... or what ever you want to call it
I am asking you out on a DATE. with me...... to apologize
for the way I have been...... and to court you .... wine and
dine ...(without the wine for you though)....
Yes we have the money to do it..... so if you could please
handle one small thing..... we need a babysitter...
And I would like to take you out Friday for a night on our
and he is about to get this in response
I don't know, will think about it...don't feel like doing anything right now, don't feel good, just....not a good time to ask......Brian has the shits, isn't going back to sleep, I am tired and not sleeping well either but will see if Mom can watch him Fri eve here as Dad is working swings anyway (that will depend entirely on fog tho)
that is the honest to God truth...what is even more sad is I fully expect this to very seriously bite my ass later....I expect it to hurt more later then it does to not do ANYTHING...and I hurt enough already...I do NOT trust him...altho this is a new ploy, it still scares me to death.....I want to say fine, I want to fix things, but I am sick to death of every little fucking thing coming back to haunt me in a couple months...I want to feel like living again.....I want to enjoy things....I want a happy marriage and life, is that too much to ask?
okok, I am off to go try not too bawl my brains out alone in bed...the lil grump has faded into sleep so at least I won't keep him awake...poor guy, 4 teeth coming in, could be 6...ok looks like 6...no wonder he is being a grump