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Thread: So many emotions...no longer my own

  1. #21
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    The holiday season is almost half over at our house and I'm feeling those "Holiday Blues" already. I LIVE for Christmas every year but this year it has been a slight bummer for me. DH and I always do something fun together but since he's changed jobs in the past year, his work schedule has changed so much. I know I need to be happy that he even HAS a job, but it bugs me that we can't be a "family" by ourselves before the baby is here. We would usually go out shopping and seeing the lights around town, but didn't get around to it this year. He's been sick (Now I caught his cold/sore throat) and the weather has been difficult, so hopefully next year we can get back to normal traditions.

    With that said, it looks like DH will be going back to his former employers. They didn't work yesterday so he spoke with his former "higher up" and that guy was really interested in bringing him back. YAY! I hate hearing of anyone taking a pay CUT, but having DH go back to a company where he can make MORE money...hmm, this is really a no-brainer job move for him. I'm just really pissed that his current employers lied to him and told him he could make the same $ at this job as he did at his old job. WTF? No way, didn't happen, not even close!!

    SOOOO....as you can see, I am not making this private...yet. I probably should since who knows who is reading this, but I don't want to go through all the hassle of adding certain people to the "approved list" and all that jazz. If it gets to be a problem again...then it will definitely become a private journal. Hope you all had a happy holiday and here's for a Happy New Year too!

  2. #22
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    GRR!! Can I count the chickens any sooner before they've hatched?? DH went to his former employers on Sat and asked about the hours he would be getting. They totally re-structured the time cards and ways of getting hours, so it would be tougher for him to make the same money he used to be making there. So NOW he doesn't know what he's going to do. I think I'm going to have to take on a second daycare baby just to make ends meet. UGH! I've told him that I would get a job outside the home, but he wants me to stay at home with our baby. Yay...I'm REALLY starting to not like this money game, it's such a drain on my mental state and emotional well being too. I just wish his current boss would get his head out of his arse and pay him the money he promised!

    Well, THAT rant is out of the way. I have another tho. I was hoping DH and I could get to Target today to register for the baby (I was 32 weeks yesterday) but he wants to work upstairs again. Grr, he just did that yesterday!! AND ALL AFTERNOON FOR THAT MATTER! It was such a boring day without him to hang out with, I KNOW today will be that way too. I told him I'd go upstairs and work on the baby's room, but it's not the same. We're in 2 separate bedrooms with doors closed between them b/c he is working with insulation and I can't breathe that in. I was hoping to get some baby stuff figured out today, but I guess not. Ho hum...off to work upstairs, I guess.

  3. #23
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    (XP from the Feb 2006 board)

    DH and I had our first Lamaze class last night. Unfortunately, we were running behind in time. We got there RIGHT at 6:30 and were the last couple to arrive. I was antsy (I HAVE to be early to everything) and was giving him crap about always being late, so we were already in bad moods. It was hotter than h#ll in there, so that made it all the more uncomfortable. Well, the lady starts the class (6 women/partner sets) and we are supposed to introduce ourselves. The "mommy" is supposed to give her name, due date, and one "not so positive" about the pregnancy and the "coach/partner" is supposed to give his/her name and a positive. Oh great, I could about imagine what my DH would say after all the bickering we just got done doing.

    Ladies, he almost had me in tears. He was the last one to speak and everyone else had said the usual positives like feeling the baby and seeing the u/s, but when it got to my DH, I about died. He said "My name is Dean and one positive is getting to spend more quality time with my wife"! AWW!! All the other men in the room nodded and agreed, so I know they were thinking the same thing. It almost made me cry...and then I look over at DH and his eyes were red too! He grabbed my hand and we instantly forgave each other for the stupid bickering from before. He was just too sweet to be mad at!

    The rest of the class went pretty well. We got to see a "new" video on effacement and dilation and even got to see a few babies being born. (Including our hoo hoo's and ta'ta's. DH wasn't ready to see videos yet, I think. ) We got some training-type books to read and then got to tour some of the rooms. The instructor said we'd be touring at least 1-2 rooms at every class, which I thought was nice. We found out what kind of things the hospital is providing and all the nice amenities the "hotel" is offering. (Um..I want to bring home the tub, please!) When we left, DH said "I never knew your cervix and all the rest of your stuff went through that much!" WTH...does the kid just pop out of my belly button? He is definitely getting more excited about the baby, though he is very nervous about our son or daughter being here in less than 8 weeks.

  4. #24
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    A lot has happened since our first lamaze class last week. We had another class this past Tuesday and it went really well. We practiced breathing and DH made me laugh, practically shooting snot out my nose with his "You can DO IT" like the guy from the Waterboy movie. He wanted to make sure I wasn't really pushing "down south", but his funnies were NOT appropriate. I had the giggles for some reason and they just wouldn't stop!

    We watched another movie about a woman who had a 48 hour labor! WTF?!? She wanted to go natural but wouldn't progress past 3 cm until she was being prepped for a C section. THEN she hit 4 1/2 and decided to get an epidural and wait to finish on her own. STRONG WOMAN! WHOA!!! DH saw her perineum being stretched and about gagged. It looked really painful and I almost lost it too. YIKES!

    I had my breastfeeding class last night. I hate to judge people and won't do it if I can help it, but there was this older couple there that gave me the willies. I'm guessing they were probably 40 or so and looked like they hadn't taken a shower in a week. It wasn't the appearance that freaked me out (Or the smell, tho they smelled horrible!) but it was their personality! They followed me into the elevator and he immediately looked at my belly and said "I bet you're going to the Breastfeeding class too, aren't ya!" OK, no biggie..."Yup, I am!"

    So we get to the OB floor and when the door opens he gets off and makes an odd comment about boobs being abundant "up here". I had to show them where to go, but I wanted to show them the door. They are due Feb 9th and she didn't look pregnant at all. She and her husband are VERY large people. (I hate saying that, since I'm bigger than a size 10 too, but they were probably close to 400 lbs apiece.) So I show them the classroom and then drop my stuff off and went to chat with my nurse friend. We chat for a bit and then I head back to class to get my water bottle to fill it up. (I got there about 20 minutes early so I could talk to the nurse and chat with the other women...ANYONE but them. )

    I get back and the LC Wanda and Intern Kara were there talking with them. Wanda jumped at the chance to chat with me when I sat down. She and I chatted like we were old friends and she said "I think you'll be fun to work with, you're so bubbly!" HA! Just as long as I didn't have to talk with the smelly couple. The other 2 moms show up and the class starts. We go over the outline and then start asking some questions. I get chewed out b/c I don't have a Pediatrician yet (On the to-do list for today/next week) and the smelly couple say they have an orthopedic doctor as their Ped. WTF, the LC says. Well, turns out smelly guy has a club foot and they already know their baby has one too. Hmm, interesting. He jumps in later to say that she has diabetes (regular type...worstened by pregnancy) so this woman already has it rough.

    We got through the opening and the LC starts with pictures of things. We pass them around and the guy just STARES at all the pics with breasts on them. We begin the movie and all I hear are sick comments about "big breasts for the baby" and "those are the baby's milk jugs", etc. UGH...it made me want to PUKE! He SNORTED once during the video! One time he even grabbed his wife's boobs!! EEW EEW EEW! I better not deliver while they are in the hospital, I don't want to see him again.

    We discussed pumps and the LC showed us the different kinds the hospital suggests/recommends. They have Medela and Ameda, but also had the Avent Isis pump yesterday too. All of them sounded rather quiet, so I think it wouldn't matter which kind I get. I would like to get an electric one, but they are REALLY expensive. Bottles are also a matter of baby's preference and she said that the nipples really don't matter as long as it closely resembles the mother's nipples. Hmm, interesting info!

    OK, I've blabbed enough for now. I've got a lot on my mind today so I'll probably be posting again later.

  5. #25
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    Oops, didn't get back to posting later. I tried, I really did, but my comp crashed and then my left mouse button wouldn't work, so I refrained myself from throwing it and made DH look at it when he got home. He took the cover off and blew the dust out of it and now it seems to be working, so hopefully I'm good to go.

    Well, I'm 34 weeks as of yesterday and I can definitely tell I'm near the end. I'm getting all those pains that everyone further than me is talking about. It is definitely beginning to suck bigtime! The hip pain is beginning to drive me nuts, which is helping my sleep deprivation continue on record pace. Oh well, onto my appt today.

    Had the regular 2 week appt with the OB today. Gained another 2 1/2 lbs so a grand total of 10 pounds since pre-preggo weight. YIKES! I hate gaining weight, even though it's for the baby. The doc said he can't tell what it is that I'm feeling right above my belly button...either a head or a butt. In 2 weeks he'll start doing an internal and might do a quick u/s to see what position baby is in. Baby better turn or I'll kick his/her butt! He also confirmed my Pediatrician choice, saying his own children go to the 2 doctors that I was asking about, so I feel really good about them. Yay, one less thing to think about.

    My good friend Charlotte had her baby on Saturday. WELCOME Baby Kaden! I'm so excited for her. I know she had a hard time with him the last few months...he was getting bigger and causing her a lot of pain. I just hope everything is going well for her and her DH at home. I feel helpless since she lives so far from me. UGH, that's the worst part!

    My mom just stopped by and saw my coming home outfits that DH and I bought this weekend. She really likes the girl's one. I like it too, totally cute for a little girl. The boy one is cute too, but I'll have to get the matching blanket if baby is a boy. The blanket is SO WARM and thick, it would complete the outfit! Must go to Blain's, they have Carter's clothes for babies!

    I've got La Leche League tonight and I need to get going so I can stop at the library before, so I better get a move on. I've been thinking about another Feb mommy, Jamie and her DH and her sweet baby K, and I'm praying everything turns out for her. She's been such a sweetie her entire pregnancy and doesn't deserve the pain she's had to endure. I hope everything turns out OK for her with K's arrival. I know everything can't be perfect, but I'm just hoping her doctors made a horrible mistake and K is just fine. I understand that Jamie has good days and bad days, lord knows I would too if I had to deal with that same situation. I just hope she can understand that we are here for her, the girls from Feb. I know it's probably hard to come to the Feb board b/c "we all have healthy babies and her's isn't", but we can try and be supportive of her and K and her DH. We love Jamie and her baby...nothing can change that. I just wanted to get that off my mind...I've been thinking about her for so long now, it's tough to not think about anything else!

  6. #26
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    Well, it's been an eventful week since I posted last. We had Lamaze class on Tuesday night at the hospital, then got home to find a couple messages on the answering machine. DH's dad (FIL) was being taken to the hospital for heart problems. SO...we put our shoes and coats back on and headed BACK to the same place we just came from. DH had 9 missed calls on his phone in the 2-3 hours we were gone. UGH! If he just would TAKE HIS STUPID PHONE when we go places, we wouldn't miss important stuff. This is NOT the first time we've missed calls b/c he hasn't had the phone with him. I ALWAYS carry my cell, "just in case" so that I don't get caught without it. GRR!!

    So we go back to the hospital and find out his HR skyrocketed to 160 while at work. Well, long story short, he's getting out of the hospital today but has had to go from the ER to the Cardiac ward/floor/wing to the ICU and then back to the Cardiac wing since Tuesday. The Cardiac Doctor wanted to do a surgery on Wed morning ASAP to see if he had a blood clot (The main worries of the whole trip- clotting, stroke, and a heart attack). They couldn't get the tube down his throat (he's a big man) b/c of an obstruction and that caused his blood oxygen to plummet. YEESH! So that's when they decided to do the sleep apnea test.

    The dumb BIATCH who did the sleep test got the strap under his chin too tight, so he ended up swelling big time in his chin. STUPID DUMB BIATCH! UGH!!!!! B/c of the swelling they took him to the ICU to be watched for 36 hours...they thought he was going to choke b/c of the swelling. Sat he went back to the regular room on the cardiac floor and was fitted/trained to use the CPAP machine while he sleeps. 2 nights of using that and the docs feel comfortable with it, so he should be coming home today.

    I am having stress induced contrax, so that doesn't make matters any better for me. I thought for sure I would go into labor on Tuesday when we were driving back to the hospital. My back has ached since then, but has been getting better lately...not the CONSTANT sharp aches but more of a dull pain. Plus the headaches have been getting worse, but I know those are stress induced too. Also I'm not drinking the caffeine like I used to.

    DH and I had a really good talk last night about L & D. We had just read our chpt in "Week by Week" and it said that some couples may deal with tension b/c they aren't talking about their fears. I asked DH is he was worried about L & D at all (we BOTH worry all the time about money, so that was a no-brainer) and he said he was. He wants to make me feel better but is afraid he won't remember the breathing techniques, or won't do something right. I told him not to worry, we are in this together and I've never done it either! He's such a sweetie, I hope I can do something nice for him soon...maybe a candlelight dinner tonight or Wed night. Anything to make him feel appreciated!!

    He's done so much of the work around here lately. I put the snowmen stuff away yesterday but he carried it all upstairs and then more downstairs to be put away for the year. I figured if I didn't get it done now the stuff might still be up when baby gets here. I even dusted some too, which I think made him feel even worse. Crazy guy...I love him too much and he thinks he's slacking.

  7. #27
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    OK, instead of going off on the monthly board, I am going off on here. UGH!! I think it has to do with hormones, but I'm REALLY pissed right now.

    I go and post a question, with the part in the post saying something to the effect of "we've already had the discussion about who IS going to yadda yadda...but for those that ARE, what product do you use". I had also posted another question. Both were quick, only needed 2 one-sentence answers. Instead, I'm getting "WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT" or "You don't need to impress the doctor" kind of replies. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    The thing that's getting me is I didn't ASK for that kind of response, I wanted to know the products people would recommend. Now my whole f'ing post is a joke and I want to scream at the people for making it that way. I have reasons behind wanting to do what I want to do...not because of the doctors and not because of how it will look. I don't feel that I should have to explain myself to them, but now I just want to scream at them!!

    UGH....I HATE THESE PREGNANT HORMONES!! I think I'm going to log out and just lurk for awhile. Screw posting anymore, I spend more time on here than a normal person should and it's just pissing me off right now that I am not treated with respect. Who in the H#LL does (BLEEP) think she is?? And hi-jacking MY post to be that way?!? GRR!!

  8. #28
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    I feel so empty tonight. My stupid little tizzy is nothing compared to the feelings the Little's are feeling tonight. I feel so horrible for Jamie and Trey. I was hoping they could look into Keiran's eyes just once and be able to tell her that they love her. I get so mad at God when someone I know dies, but I never "knew" Jamie as close as others did. I knew of her and we posted back and forth a few times, but that's it. She'll always be a Feb Mommy...but I know it will be hard for her. UGH, why did this have to happen this way??

    I'm going to have some "cuddle time" with DH tonight. I cried when I told him the outcome and he got all mushy too. I think we both need to have a cry session and just hold each other tonight. He's such a sweetie, I wish something else would be bringing us closer and not this. I miss Jamie and her upbeat attitude. She always had hope!

  9. #29
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    OK....another crappy night.

    DH left at 1:15 for Chicago for the entire week. Well, until Friday at 4:00 or so. I HATE HAVING HIM GONE! I know I need to take this one day at a time, but I just feel so alone and empty without him here. It sucks tremendously, let me tell ya. Not having an internal check this morning made everything all the more crap-tacular. I was hoping I'd find out if I was progressing (So I could convince him NOT to go!) but no internal in sight for me.

    So in order to take my mind off missing Dean, I ended up going with my Godmother and her daughters to a movie, Cheaper By The Dozen 2. It was a good movie, but would have been better with the DH there. I couldn't get him out of my mind the whole night. Thank goodness we got to talk tonight, but I still miss him horribly. Ugh! I better get to bed, I'm going to need all the sleep I can get with the daycare baby tomorrow.

  10. #30
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    I just wanted to post the pic of my candles I lit for Keiran and the other 2 angels from the Special Needs board that grew wings recently. I really enjoyed being a part of the tribute/memorial for the 3, it helped me be there for a "friend" when I knew of no other way to be there for her and her DH. I hated not knowing what I could do for them. I still don't think I did enough for them...but I just can't do as much being so far with funds so tight. Ugh, makes me feel even worse about myself just THINKING about it!

    But that is the candle holder I found. I thought it was appropriate since there were 3 angels. It is sitting on top of our TV cabinet, so I see it quite often throughout the day. I think I'll leave it up for awhile too. Keiran and her family have meant so much to me and my DH. We don't know them personally, but just having known of them is a blessing.

    I am going to attach this pic of the 3 candles to my siggy. I want to remember Keiran and the other 2 angels and believe this is the way to do it.

    Edited to add: This memorial/tribute wasn't JUST for the 3 angels, but for all angels being remembered on Sunday. I wanted to add that. There have been other sweet angels that have passed before the 3 recent ones did, and they are still every bit as important as these 3. I didn't want to make the impression that this was only for the 3 recent angels, but for all angels touched by those who participated on Sunday. We will miss them all!

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