So many emotions...no longer my own

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Joined: 01/17/05
Posts: 75
So many emotions...no longer my own

I am starting this journal b/c I wanted to have something to show baby when s/he's old enough, to learn about her/his parents and what we went through while pregnant. I also wanted to have a place where I could leave my thoughts without being drawn and quartered for them. I have already started a Blog for my family (Which is censored) and at the beginning of the pregnancy I was pretty good about writing to baby using MS Word, but I haven't been as good lately. I seem to be on prg.org all the time anyway, so it seemed like the smartest thing to do.

I am 21 weeks and 5 days pregnant today. DH and I had a minor setback last night...we didn't get to see our baby. We were scheduled to see baby at 4:30, but Doc got called into L & D. The post from the Feb 2006 board is as follows:

OK...so baby is still a surprise. DH and I get there 10 minutes before my appt and the receptionist tells us to have a seat. We hang out and the couple sitting next to us goes in. (Happens to be DH's 3rd cousins or something) It's now 4:35 and they come out. The cousin tells me he just got paged, a woman is in labor. I laugh and say she'll be in labor for 14 hours, it's her first. (Joking, not meaning to be rude or anything.)

So as soon as they leave, I see him walk past the lobby windows in the outer hallway. WHAT?!? He didn't even bother to tell us himself? Then the "Witchy" receptionist tells me "He just got paged". Well no duh, I just saw him walk past the damn window!! "Would you like to wait, sometimes it's just a quick push and he'll be back within a half hour." So we hang out. 10 minutes later the receptionist gets a phone call...uh oh, I know this isn't good.

The baby is "de-celling" (Heart rate is slowing during contrax, I guess) and Doc would have to stay there and either watch or deliver via emergency C. Ho hum...by that time I knew we would be coming back. The woman offered to reschedule us for tomorrow morning at 9:00. Oh yes, I would LOVE to go at that time, but the whole purpose for going at 4:30 today was so DH could make it. He only has 1 week for vacation and that is saved up for when baby comes. We can't afford for him to take any more unpaid time off this week or any week for that matter. (Long story, work is screwing him over right now.)

So we explain to witch woman that tomorrow won't work. She asked about next week Tuesday and we told her that we would be in Chicago till Wed night/Thurs AM. She proceeds to ask us if Wed afternoon would work? NO YOU %)*&(^*) IDIOT!! Finally, DH agrees to work next Friday at 9 AM into his work schedule. He needs to give his boss a week's notice for time off, so this was the earliest we could have done it. He was totally po'ed since he took an hour and a half off just to make it today. Couldn't they bump another woman out of her 4:30 spot? GRR!!!

So yes, I am better now, I realize that if I were in the same situation I'd want my doctor there by my side too. I understand that the baby is in danger and the doctor should be there. I do, also, understand that I am a VERY hormonal pregnant woman who was told she'd see her baby today. I don't ask for much, I am relatively healthy and I don't call past office hours (Yet...I think I feel an illness coming on a Friday night or Sat afternoon ). I JUST WANTED TO SEE MY BABY TODAY!!

I had my nephews today. I had to get up at 5:30, which was torture for me. I usually get up at 8:00 or after so being to B's by 6:30 was definitely tough. The boys were OK tho...Carsyn didn't want to eat for anything. Cael pooped 3 times, so he thought he needed 3 "prizes". Sometimes I wonder about that kid...he had such a sugar buzz today.

DH and I leave for Chicago on Sunday. He has orientation for the kind of vehicles he works on. We'll be there till Wednesday, so I better find enough stuff to bring to work on. DH just called on his way home and said the dealership he works for wanted to give him a small car to drive the 5 hours to Chicago. Thank goodness my sweet DH told them that "it wouldn't be a good idea" to cram my preggo body into a small car like that. They gave him a larger car then, like the one I drive, so I'm happy.

Figuring out what we need for food is going to be crazy!! I eat tons of smaller meals, like cheese and cracker, celery and peanut butter, and carrots with Ranch, so I don't know how I'm going to wing those smaller meals. DH will be gone for the entire morning (From 8-5 probably), so I'll have a lot of time to get fat hanging out in the hotel room. I already told Charlotte that I might be calling her since I'll miss talking to her on the boards.

Well, I know this is a LONG journal post...I better wrap it up now and write more later. Baby is still doing well with a ton of kicks in the last hour. DH still hasn't felt any but he should start feeling them soon- they're getting HARD!! Like others have said in their journals, it does feel better to get my thoughts out, even though no one may ever read this.

Joined: 01/17/05
Posts: 75

It's now 7:22 in the midwest and I'm awake...PLUS it's a Saturday, so I'm really not happy about being up yet. DH decided around 7:00 that he couldn't sleep b/c of a stuffy nose, so he got up. I just can't sleep when he's not there, especially when he tells me he's getting up.

It was a really wierd night last night. DH and I were watching Law & Order when 15 minutes left, the TV signal stops and the screen goes fuzzy. I thought it might just be our TV (Yeah, DUMB!) so I flipped to another station. Nope, it was just NBC. I was totally torked since I really was into the show. It was about some mob and how they killed the wrong guy. So, we decided to go to bed and just hope it would come back. Well it's STILL not on this morning!! The local NBC affiliate has the biggest news program around here, so it's really odd that they would be off the air for this long. And I STILL want to see my show!!

It may be a good thing for me to get up this early, now DH and I can do our shopping and laundry right away this morning. I hate hitting the stores on a Sat when there are a TON of people there. I'm a claustrophobic nightmare at Christmas! I totally forgot the mail yesterday and how I wanted to stop it for the time while we're gone, so I guess my mom will have to pick it up. I hope my Dad will be OK feeding our dogs, they like to jump (Still puppy stage) and I know my mom would be coming straight from work and all dressed up. Yeesh, this is the first time we'll be away from them for more than overnight since, well, ever! Since we got them at 6 weeks, we've always been home to feed them and let them out. Poor Bear and Bailey, I'm sure they'll miss us. (Reminder to me: Wear old clothes home on Wed- Dogs will be jumpy!!)

Well, off to get a shower....another big day ahead.

Joined: 01/17/05
Posts: 75

I'm so lazy it's hilarious! This morning, DH and I went to get the loaner car fueled up, got groceries, and then got a take and bake pizza and then came home. I put the food away since I wanted to make sure we had all the stuff piled up for our trip while he let the dogs out to run. I put the pizza in right away too. (The pizza was 3 pounds of pizza...holy cow!) So we go eat lunch and then I put the rest of the pizza in the fridge. No biggie.

I decide that I should get my butt in gear with the laundry since we are leaving tomorrow morning for Chicago. I got one load washed and partially dried before I fell asleep on the couch. I thought DH would be a sweety and help me finish the laundry, but NOPE! :evil: So it's now 4:10 and I have been sleeping since around 1:00. I feel TOTALLY lazy today. I need to find out luggage and get the cooler cleaned up to go, but nope, not feeling like doing that. DH said he'd pack tomorrow morning before we left, but all he needs is socks, underwear, jeans, and shirts. He lets ME pack all the toiletries. Oh well, I'll do all that later, right now I need to WAKE UP!!

Joined: 01/17/05
Posts: 75

OK, we're back from Chicago. Well, it was more like North Aurora, but same thing basically.

I am totally exhausted. The king-sized bed was a major pain in my back. I didn't have a good night's sleep any night we were there. PLUS, the hotel had cops there last night and I heard on the news radio station that there was a shooting near our hotel last night. Well, I'm too tired to write more now, I'll try and get more in tomorrow. There's just so much catching up to do on here...

Joined: 01/17/05
Posts: 75

It's now Monday and we've been home since Wednesday of last week, the 26th. I posted about our excursion on the Feb board, but was too tired to write in my journal, or at least RE-write the whole story over again. I'm going to re-post what I wrote in Feb here so that I can get on with my other thoughts.

Just thought I'd let you all know we're HOME finally. Thank goodness we didn't have to stay till tomorrow. DH was offered a seat in the class that ran today and tomorrow, but his work said they "were drowning" without him there, so they needed him back to work today. Too bad he's got a half day off tomorrow morning, he won't be missing my appt to go to work.

It was really boring on Monday and Tuesday since I didn't have the car. I don't think I really would have gone out much anyway since the part of Aurora we were staying in was kind of scary. Bars on all the windows and I think there was a drive-by shooting and getaway both right behind our hotel and then in our hotel parking lot. There were black marks on the pavement and the cops were there on Tuesday night. YIKES!!

I did get some shopping done yesterday and Dean helped shop on Sunday evening too. We went to the big Fox Valley mall on Sunday night and I thoroughly enjoyed myself at the Motherhood store. Bought a pair of yoga pants and a cute black top. The shirt was even on sale, so I felt good about splurging on $20 pants. They are SO comfy. I also hit a Carter's yesterday and limited myself to the $5 clearance racks. Got a couple good deals on a boy-ish onesie and a uni-sex sleeper. DH even liked them, so it's all good.

OH, one more thing...DH finally felt the baby on Sunday!! (The 23rd of Oct) We were hanging out after walking around the big mall when baby decided to kick me HARD down south. I told him to feel and baby gave a sharp kick right under his hand. He was beaming! Thank goodness for it, he was anxious to start feeling baby on his own. I finally felt baby on the outside on Tuesday, 2 whole days after DH felt baby. I guess I wasn't too eager to feel baby on the outside since I've been feeling my little punter for quite awhile now.

Now I have had a bunch more exciting things happen since our Chicago trip, so I better get posting on those. It was Daylight Saving Time this weekend so I'm up at 6:00, which isn't normal for me. Once DH leaves I think I'll be going back to the couch with my cup of TheraFlu (Which I still need to find out if that's OK to be taking right now) and maybe catching another couple minutes/hours of sleep.

Joined: 01/17/05
Posts: 75

DH and I had our BIG ultrasound on Friday morning (The 28th) and 9:00. It was nice because DH didn't have to get up early to go to work so we both slept in till around 6:30 or 7:00. I got ready and DH took some preggo pics of me too, so I'll have to add those later. Once again, I wrote all about our experiences to my Feb ladies, but I thought I would post what I wrote to them here so that I don't have to re-write it all again.

Well, Doc either had delivered this morning or was going to a delivery, cuz he was dressed in scrubs and looked like he hadn't slept in days. BUT, we got the ultrasound!! YAY!!

Baby is fine, no indicators of Down Syndrome or anything like that. I have included pics of the hands and face, but we didn't get any good ones of the feet. We did SEE the feet/legs tho, so that was cool. Doc must have taken a pic of the "parts" while I was watching, but I couldn't tell boy or girl. He handed us a sealed envelope with the pic inside of what it was. On the outside was a question mark. He said we could leave it in the garbage or take it with. After little discussion (Dean STILL doesn't want to know) we left it in the garbage and walked out. (I saw Doc later in the elevator on his way to L&D and he said he put it in our chart...good man!) He told us that we were the first couple to not take the envelope. We must really not want to know.

Baby is measuring a little big. 1 pound 3 ounces and is measuring at 23 weeks 1 day, so only 3-4 days ahead. Doc said baby's in the 60th percentile, whatever that means.

OK, here are the cute pics.
This one is "See my 10 fingers!" (The right thumb is by the head, I guess.)

"Sleeping like Daddy" (DH sleeps exactly like this!)

I think this one is of baby smiling...even my mom thought she could see baby's lips turned upward.

(Added a little while later to include another pic) OK, so I totally forgot the "Winnie the Pooh Thinking Pose' pic. DH thought it was hilarious b/c when we were in the u/s, baby was tapping his/her head like s/he was Pooh in his "thinking spot". The hand is in the upper right corner pointing at baby's head.

Now that I look at it more, it looks like both hands are on baby's head. Headache from all the poking, perhaps?!?

I have had a few days to look at the pics and the videos from the CD we got, and I never thought I could love anything more than I love my DH. He is my rock and my reason for living. Now, after seeing our baby, it is so amazing what I feel for him/her already. I am always stealing away time to look at the u/s pics and at the little video clips on my computer. DH and I both put the "smiling' pic on the desktops of our computers. He was so excited about being able to send the pics to everyone, he sent them to his brother right away while I sent them to the rest of my family. His parents don't have a family account but his dad has one through work, but we couldn't send anything since we don't know what it is and if he is allowed to get "outside" e-mails from anyone.

His parents also had their 35th Wedding Anniversary party this weekend. We had a nice extended family buffet meal at the local restaurant at 6:00 on Sat night and then there was a DJ at 8:00. I'm from a small town with very few people of other races. That doesn't mean I don't see them, but where DH and I go, it's mainly Caucasians. DH's dad works for a factory in the town where they live that employs a LOT of illegal Mexicans. I was totally terrified by a few of them. One was even giving DH the "eye". DH and I were both dressed nicely, but I was getting uncomfortable with some stares I was getting from the males. We decided to leave when they all broke out their cigarettes and started dancing to Mexican music. Oops, I guess we didn't know that song. The women were really nice tho, but most of them didn't know much English, so I couldn't chat very long with any of them.

It was a CRAZY weekend, but thank goodness it's over. Now I have to get through tonight's Halloween festivities, but that shouldn't be too bad. I think we'll have 5-6 kids stop, if that. The nephews like M&M's so it wasn't hard to buy for them. We got a BIG 74 piece bag of Snickers, Milky Way, Twix, and M's, so I should be just fine with any preggo cravings I have! Wink I think I'm going to head back to the couch now and get some more shut eye, after I put in a load of clothes, of course!!

Joined: 01/17/05
Posts: 75

This is me taken on Friday before our u/s.

Frontal view (It was 29 degrees outside but I thought it looked pretty with all the leaves on the ground- BRR!!)

Side view- I don't look JUST fat in this one, maybe more preggo now.

Sorry the pics are blurry...grrr, stupid camera! :evil:

Joined: 01/17/05
Posts: 75

Well, it's now 6:45 and I'm anxiously awaiting our first Trick or Treaters. My nephews should be here soon, as well as my godmother's two daughters, and our best man's son. My older nephew "C A" is almost 3 and was an M & M last year. He loves his "M's". The younger one, "C R", is a little over 9 months and I wonder what his parents are making him dress up as. His brother was an alligator for his first Halloween, but my mother told me my SIL found a new costume this year.

I got the closet pretty much organized today, at least my side. I got up super early and never could get back to bed, so I stayed up. YICK! I feel tired now, but I can't go to bed yet. It's been dark over an hour now...talk about throwing your body outta wack!!

I think kid is messed up from Daylight Saving time. I was getting kicks at all hours today, not during the normal "awake" times. I felt some pretty wicked kicks too, too bad DH wasn't here or he might have felt them too. He hasn't felt baby since that first time a week ago. Poor guy, he thought he might last night when baby was going crazy, but the kicks must not have been hard enough.

Well, I better get back to my candy duties. Halloween is going to be a big deal next year so I better enjoy the quiet one this year.

Joined: 01/17/05
Posts: 75

OK, so today I'm totally flipping out. I have munched on a TON of Halloween candy in the past week or so, and I feel as big as a whale! I am also having some funky discharge, which when I looked up vaginal yeast infections on medical sites, said could be a side effect of diabetes. YIKES! I haven't had my GD test yet, so I am totally freaking out about it.

I know a TON of women have dealt with GD during pregnancy and it is OK for most. I just hate feeling like this. I ate junk for lunch (Burger King's Chicken strips and onion rings) and had some junky Halloween candy while I was shopping. YUCK!! I really can't do this to my body any more!!

I feel baby moving a lot today, maybe because of the junk I've eaten. I also am freaking b/c Doc said baby is measuring big. I sure hope I don't push out an 8+ pound baby. I freak out about that...I know it will hurt so much. I think today is just a BAD DAY all together. My shopping for costumes went well, I bought baby a couple costumes for next year and one for later on. I really like them...I hope baby does too.

All the stores were getting their Christmas stuff out today. I even listened to my Mannheim Steamroller CD while in the shower this morning...what's up with me? I go straight from Halloween to Christmas? I know I'm a holiday freak, but dang, skipping Thanksgiving isn't like me. Oh grr, must be hormones.

Joined: 01/17/05
Posts: 75

So I threw up after I wrote that last post. WTF?? I really think my Burger King lunch had something to do with it...I tasted it the most coming up. (Sorry, TMI) So, no more Burger King for this lady, I don't want to deal with getting sick again.

I had spaghetti for supper tonight...which tasted good. I was surprised I was even hungry after losing my stomach contents not too long before. Who knows, I guess. Now I'm downing a few glasses of water since I had drank a ton of liquids before I threw up. I really wonder if this is a yeast infection or a mild UTI. It hurts when I pee, but it also hurts when DH and I DTD. Not sure, but I'll treat for a YI and if it doesn't go away, then I'll talk to the Doc again. He suggested the YI meds anyway.

DH is really tired tonight. He booked over 13 hours today at work, so no wonder he's beat. We enjoy cuddling so much on the couch, I sure hope baby lets us do that when s/he arrives. DH looks so cute when he's nestled into the curve of my arms, so cozy and safe. HEY, wait a minute here, that should be ME! Oh well, I guess it's OK for a little while longer, I'll need to be nestling up into HIS arms in a month or two. No more preggo woman trying to get out of a chair or out of bed on her own anymore, I tried to sit straight up in bed last night and kid kicked me SO HARD in the lower gut. YIKES! I was hoping DH would wake up, but no luck.

Well, as usual, nothing too interesting tonight. DH will end up behind his computer playing his dumb game till I call for him on the couch, then he'll pass out and I'll lay there awake till I decide I want to go to bed. Then I'll drag his butt to bed and we'll cuddle till we both fall asleep. Aren't we so normal? I think it's really sick sometimes how "typical" we are...in a good way, of course!

Joined: 01/17/05
Posts: 75

YAY! I have been getting up around 6:30, when DH gets up, since last week sometime. Today I was up when he left, but I never got out of bed. He came in and hung out in bed with me like he usually does 10 minutes before he has to leave, so I knew what time it was. I ended up staying in bed when he left tho and then FELL BACK ASLEEP!! WOO HOO!!

We both went to bed last night around 8:20 or so b/c DH was SO tired from work. I ended up getting a phone call around 8:30 from Lori and we chatted for about 45 minutes, then I watched the rest of Law and Order, so I didn't get to bed till 10:00, but DH had been sleeping since 8:30. Grrr, I was so tired but wanted to cuddle. I know why I slept in so late this morning...9:00 is definitely later than I've been sleeping since we've been in Chicago!

Not feeling too ambitious today...as usual. The days when I sleep late I have no ambition or energy to do anything but sit at the computer all day.

I think I'm going to call Kohl's and yack at them for my pants I bought last week. I got them home from Chicago and found a hole in them that someone had attempted to sew up. GRR!! I looked SO CLOSE at the other pants there and couldn't find anything wrong with these, but when I put them on there was a "fix it" spot right on the middle of my left leg! Ho hum, DH was NOT happy about it, let me tell ya. He was torked that I even bought the darn things, but then wore them knowing there was a spot on them. What else could I do? I needed pants to wear to his parent's anniversary party on Sat. He said I should have gone shopping on Sat morning since he had to work, but I really didn't want to go out that morning, I was tired and wasn't feeling good. SO, now I'm going to call them and ream some butt since THEY SOLD those pants that had obviously had a flaw in them. I'll give them the whole story, I don't care what they say. If they give me crap, I'll tell them I won't shop there any more. My mother had their card, she'll just stop shopping there too!

Joined: 01/17/05
Posts: 75

Oh crap, can my week get any worse? I had to go to my parent's house this morning for some field tile to put around my burning bushes to keep the rabbits from eating them. I get over there and chat with my dad, who is transferring corn from one wagon to another to store in the machine shed. He helps me get my tile and then tells me the most startling news in awhile.

Background, he had prostate surgery 2 years ago this December. It was bad, he might have died had they not found it when they did. So, I've been a little worried about my dad since then. OK, so he helps put the tile in my car and then tells me he has to go to the Doctor this afternoon to get a growth removed from his cheek. He said the doctor thought it might be cancerous. NOT AGAIN!!

I told him that the spot wasn't changing colors, so why were they so worried? He then explained that the cancer might be UNDER the skin and could be moving quickly. Nope, not again I said. He would go in to the general doc and would have it removed, they would do a biopsy, and then get back to him next week. As you can imagine, this week will be pretty tough. I hope I can find things to get my mind off my dad. I had to question him about the prostate thing back in November of that year...he didn't tell anyone till he knew it was cancer. Being a crim major, I know to keep an eye and ear open and ask questions when things sound fishy. I hate having a criminology degree sometimes, ignorance is bliss!!

Joined: 01/17/05
Posts: 75

Dad's minor surgery went OK. He has a mini patch of gauze over the incision the doc made. He didn't have too much to say about it, other than the doc will be calling him back next week with the results. Here's to good news!!

DH and I had a rather uneventful night last night. We rented "Longest Yard" and "Star Wars 3" on DVD. We watched Longest Yard first and we both thought it was really good. We then started Star Wars around 9:00 and I didn't make it through awake. We got up to go to the bathroom after the first movie and it felt like the kid was hanging out in my pelvic region. Now I understand what everyone was bitching about when they spoke of sciatic pain. OUCH!! It hurt to move!!

So we started Star Wars and we both thought the beginning was rather boring. I know they had to lead into the ending, but it was so boring I fell asleep. I finally felt so crummy with my hip that I went to bed and left DH to watch it on his own. We went grocery shopping in CF this morning and when we got home I put it back on. Not too bad, but the ending was MUCH better.

The IL's will be here tomorrow all day. The FIL will be helping DH wire our upstairs bedroom. We have to go buy the wire first tho, so looks like the IL's will be joining us on a trip to Lowe's in the AM. I told DH he better take me or I'll be doing some butt kicking tomorrow night. Don't he DARE leave me here alone with his MIL!!

I think tonight will be a rather quiet night again. I feel all bloated and like I'm retaining water for some reason. I think I might be eating too much salt or sugar...who knows. DH is playing his online game, UO, so I'm bored. I already made the No Bake Pumpkin Cheesecake for dessert tomorrow and I have everything ready for dinner when they're here tomorrow, so not much else to do but laundry. WOO HOO Blum 3 Looks like I better get at it, I don't want my MIL seeing my preggo undies.

Joined: 01/17/05
Posts: 75

Last night DH made me cry!! He had finished his shower while I was on here reading up from the weekend, so he sat down on the couch and told me that he wanted to cuddle. Awww, how cute! He knows how much I enjoy it when we cuddle. :lovebed:

So we were watching the Law & Order movie when it switched to commercial. He had moved to my chest to put his hand on my tummy since baby had been pretty active while I was sitting at my desk. During the commercial he leaned down to my tummy and got really close and started talking to baby. He has done this so many times before, but it's usually "don't kick mommy" or "Wake Up, Daddy's home". He said something like "Don't be too rough on mommy tonight" when baby gave a swift kick. I told him that baby must like Daddy's voice and he just beamed! Biggrin He said he didn't feel it (Boy I sure did!) but then he leaned back down and whispered "I LOVE YOU" to baby! OMG! Talk about waterfalls!! He thought it was cute that I was crying. :crybaby: He even went and said something else to baby, but I was too busy trying to get the tears out of my eyes.

DH can be so sweet at times, but then there are times when he's a major pain. We were in bed talking last night when I told him that hearing him say those things to baby made me feel better about having the baby. He asked me why I said that. He doesn't understand that finances really are frustrating with not having this daycare baby like I'm supposed to. I was supposed to get the baby full time this week, but the mother doesn't want to let her baby go and be away from him.

So I told this to DH and he admitted that he was scared to. He is afraid of not making enough money and not being able to provide baby with anything s/he needs. I know this is scary for him, but he needs to understand that we can fix things around here, like where we spend our money, and that will help. I think I may need to go over my expenses and cut back on the piddly stuff. No big deal if it makes DH feel better. He was pretty excited to get a bonus from work, so that helps. He gets paid twice this week (His regular check on Friday and his monthly bonus on the 10th) so that will help a little too. Thank goodness, I feel a little better about that.

Joined: 01/17/05
Posts: 75

I don't know what the deal is but my week has been a total waste. I've felt like crap all week, like I'm coming down with something. The only thing is I don't know what it is b/c IT'S NOT GETTING ANY WORSE!! I don't have a runny nose, I don't have stuffed up sinuses, I don't have a headache....I just have body aches. No fever, no nasty cough....NOTHING!! Grrr, I feel like an old person who just needs to get a cordisone shot in the hip.

Talked to my friend Tara from college today. She told me that I needed to get fitted for my cap and gown by Nov 22. WTF?!? No one from the university ever bothered to send me any info about it!! Grrr, how crappy is that! I'm going to call in the morning to see what the deal was. The building where the Registrar's office is located had a fire during Homecoming weekend, so maybe they aren't caught up yet. Who knows, but I'm calling anyway.

Nicole and I think my Bro are coming home this weekend. They have a wedding on Sat for a cousin of hers that I graduated from HS with. I think she's preggo too, just b/c they got engaged in Aug and are getting married Nov 12th. Doesn't make much sense to me b/c in HS she was such a planner and ALWAYS talked about how BIG of a wedding she wanted. There's definitely something going on, but I don't know what.

Not much else going on, as usual. Baby freaked me out this morning when s/he didn't move like s/he normally does. Thank goodness s/he went nuts around noon. I felt MUCH better. Well, now I'm off to watch Will & Grace. Talk later!!

Joined: 01/17/05
Posts: 75

Just thought I'd share with you all my "eventful Saturday".

8:00 AM: DH and I head to "the big city" to look for tools, baby stuff, and to buy groceries. Nice combo, right?!? We found what tools he needed and then went to buy groceries since Toys R Us (We don't have a Babies R Us) wasn't open till 10. While getting groceries, he told me he was buying me the steam cleaner I wanted. YAY!

We go to Toys R Us and they're having a huge sale on stuff. Didn't find anything I wanted tho, we were just there to look over the travel systems, cribs, etc. We were extremely disappointed with their selection, but figured it was because they were getting ready for new inventory. (Heard from some of you that BRU was getting rid of stuff too.) We did, however, find a diaper bag we both could handle.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B0006B2Q9G/qid=1131900088/sr=2-1/ref=pd_bbs_b_2_1/103-3471746-5350209?v=glance&s=baby

We left there without knowing what we wanted for a travel system, but figured it would be best to wait till later to get it anyway. I can register for stuff that my family may want to get us for Christmas, but they can always get us gift cards or other things for baby too, doesn't have to be any big ticket items, we figured.

So we got home and DH put the steam cleaner together right away. We moved stuff around and he immediately started cleaning the carpets for me. He said it was like an oversized power tool. HA!!

So after lunch and a fun time of steam cleaning, we sat down and watched Return of the Jedi, since we had just watched the other 5 Star Wars movies. It was nice, we finally got to relax and sit together and enjoy the movie.

Around 4:30 or so, we finished the movie and DH decided it was time for him to shower, since we were going to the hockey game that night. I was practically ready to go anyway. I turned on the TV and was hit with a "TORNADO WARNING" sign on the bottom of the screen. Oh great, just enough to freak me out. The major issue...it was for the county that my bro and his fiance go to school, where they were having a major college football game (Against Colorado U). I wasn't sure if my bro had come home or not, he had argued with his fiance that he wanted to stay for the game but she wanted him home for her cousin's wedding. I frantically called his cell (I think preggo/mom hormones kicked in right then) and he didn't answer!! WHAT?!?!?

So I called my parent's cell (they have season tickets) and by this time the TV had said there was one on the ground near Ames and that the school was evacuating everyone to Hilton Coloseum (SP??). Whew, at least he would be inside. So I called his fiance and she must have been at the wedding b/c she didn't answer either. Oh grr, so neither my bro nor my parents were answering their cell phones and I couldn't get anyone else who would know what in the H was going on. Grr!! DH got out of his shower and told me to calm down, it was no big deal, they were safe. HOW COULD HE ASSUME THAT?!?

So finally we left for the arena when I get a smart idea in my head. I called my friend who I knew was going to the dance and told her to have my bro or his fiance call me so I knew they were OK. Yup, I'm a paranoid sister/mom-to-be. So we settled into the game and realized that yes, we were probably out of the woods with any tornados coming near us. They were all supposed to be heading northeast of where DH and I live, but were also on track to hitting my OTHER bro's house. Oh grr, I decided to just GIVE UP and let my fears subside instead of driving me and DH nuts. My bro ended up calling me around 7:45 that night, but I was at the hockey game and the sounds in the arena were deafening. At least I knew he was OK.

So this morning I called my mother and (halfway) reamed her butt for letting me get scared like that. She should know better, she is a mom too!! At least my dad had called our home phone last night to let us know they were making wreaths for the tree farm owners/friends they hang out with. She told me not to worry, but that's just not possible right now being pregnant. Grr!!

And to top the night off, the darn hockey game sucked!! (Pardon my language.) The home team played like crap, the fights were a joke, and DH got soaked in beer b/c of the idiot drunk a-holes behind us and my purse got wet from the beer the morons spilled sitting beside us. Grr, we finally just LEFT the arena and came home with 5 mins left in the game. I was too tired and baby did NOT like the noise from the sound system. It was a constant 3 hours of kicking!! Finally, we just had enough.

So we get home and the wind starts around midnight. Yup, this woman got maybe 4 hours of sleep all night. I was freaking out that the wind was going to rip the roof right off our house, that the trees were going to fall on the house, etc. It was not a good night, by any means. I think I'll get a nap in today, my nerves are shot!!

Joined: 01/17/05
Posts: 75

Felt like crap, I have the flu. YAY! Might have gotten it when I helped my Dad watch the nephews, but maybe from somewhere else too. Who knows.

Feeling a little better now, but I have a situation to deal with. Makes me even more crappy feeling, but in all different reasons. I won't be writing about it in here, but if you have been reading this, I'm sorry. I'll be making this journal private as soon as the moderator can arrange it. I should have done it from the beginning, but decided I'd let my pregnant friends keep track of me. I find out the hard way that that wasn't the way to go about things.

Joined: 01/17/05
Posts: 75

Yup, sent a msg to missyj too, just to speed up the "privatization" process. I still have a blog, but you'll have to get the website from me, I'm no longer posting it in my profile. Unfortunately, I already sent it out to some people, so I can't take it back from them. It's highly censored, so it's not all my truthful preggo thoughts. I guess those are only allowed in MY head now.

Thanks a bunch everyone, I appreciate all the honest lurkers out there. (Stressed out at 25 weeks, 6 days)

Joined: 01/17/05
Posts: 75

Now I'm venting...I'm really stressed out and upset.

I want SO BADLY to write my thoughts here, but I know I can't. I'm so upset that I have to censor everything I say here and on the Feb 2006 board. It is driving me nuts that I can't get my thoughts out. Frustration is saying the least.

Well, I'm still planning on making this private, but I just haven't had the time. Having my daycare baby now makes it somewhat difficult to get on here for any major length of time, which includes writing e-mails to Missy. Hope you all don't mind I'm still posting on here, but it will be going private soon.

Love & Hugs to all of my friends...

Joined: 01/17/05
Posts: 75

Just wanted to extend a warm "HAPPY HOLIDAYS" to everyone on here who has read my journal. You all deserve the very best in your lives.

Life at my house has been pretty interesting lately. I graduated from college (UNI) last weekend. I had finished classes this July but actually walked through Commencement Exercises (and let me tell you, it WAS a workout) on Saturday. It was hot and I was stuck between 2 bigger guys. I felt like they were sitting on me!

DH has been having issues with his job...they're idiots, as usual. He might be going back to his old job if he can talk to his old boss. I saw an ad for a tech in the paper and DH looked pretty excited about it. $26 an hour looks good to him!

Other than that, I'm just stressing about the holidays as usual. I made Puppy Chow and a different kind of sticky trail mix last night. I'll be gaining weight this month, that's for sure! Hope you all have a safe and happy holiday season and hopefully I'll see you all on the flip side of the year!

Joined: 01/17/05
Posts: 75

The holiday season is almost half over at our house and I'm feeling those "Holiday Blues" already. I LIVE for Christmas every year but this year it has been a slight bummer for me. DH and I always do something fun together but since he's changed jobs in the past year, his work schedule has changed so much. I know I need to be happy that he even HAS a job, but it bugs me that we can't be a "family" by ourselves before the baby is here. We would usually go out shopping and seeing the lights around town, but didn't get around to it this year. He's been sick (Now I caught his cold/sore throat) and the weather has been difficult, so hopefully next year we can get back to normal traditions.

With that said, it looks like DH will be going back to his former employers. They didn't work yesterday so he spoke with his former "higher up" and that guy was really interested in bringing him back. YAY! I hate hearing of anyone taking a pay CUT, but having DH go back to a company where he can make MORE money...hmm, this is really a no-brainer job move for him. I'm just really pissed that his current employers lied to him and told him he could make the same $ at this job as he did at his old job. WTF? No way, didn't happen, not even close!!

SOOOO....as you can see, I am not making this private...yet. I probably should since who knows who is reading this, but I don't want to go through all the hassle of adding certain people to the "approved list" and all that jazz. If it gets to be a problem again...then it will definitely become a private journal. Hope you all had a happy holiday and here's for a Happy New Year too!

Joined: 01/17/05
Posts: 75

GRR!! Can I count the chickens any sooner before they've hatched?? DH went to his former employers on Sat and asked about the hours he would be getting. They totally re-structured the time cards and ways of getting hours, so it would be tougher for him to make the same money he used to be making there. So NOW he doesn't know what he's going to do. I think I'm going to have to take on a second daycare baby just to make ends meet. UGH! I've told him that I would get a job outside the home, but he wants me to stay at home with our baby. Yay...I'm REALLY starting to not like this money game, it's such a drain on my mental state and emotional well being too. I just wish his current boss would get his head out of his arse and pay him the money he promised!

Well, THAT rant is out of the way. I have another tho. Sad I was hoping DH and I could get to Target today to register for the baby (I was 32 weeks yesterday) but he wants to work upstairs again. Grr, he just did that yesterday!! AND ALL AFTERNOON FOR THAT MATTER! It was such a boring day without him to hang out with, I KNOW today will be that way too. I told him I'd go upstairs and work on the baby's room, but it's not the same. We're in 2 separate bedrooms with doors closed between them b/c he is working with insulation and I can't breathe that in. I was hoping to get some baby stuff figured out today, but I guess not. Ho hum...off to work upstairs, I guess.

Joined: 01/17/05
Posts: 75

(XP from the Feb 2006 board)

DH and I had our first Lamaze class last night. Unfortunately, we were running behind in time. We got there RIGHT at 6:30 and were the last couple to arrive. I was antsy (I HAVE to be early to everything) and was giving him crap about always being late, so we were already in bad moods. It was hotter than h#ll in there, so that made it all the more uncomfortable. :x Well, the lady starts the class (6 women/partner sets) and we are supposed to introduce ourselves. The "mommy" is supposed to give her name, due date, and one "not so positive" about the pregnancy and the "coach/partner" is supposed to give his/her name and a positive. Oh great, I could about imagine what my DH would say after all the bickering we just got done doing. :roll:

Ladies, he almost had me in tears. He was the last one to speak and everyone else had said the usual positives like feeling the baby and seeing the u/s, but when it got to my DH, I about died. He said "My name is Dean and one positive is getting to spend more quality time with my wife"! AWW!! All the other men in the room nodded and agreed, so I know they were thinking the same thing. It almost made me cry...and then I look over at DH and his eyes were red too! He grabbed my hand and we instantly forgave each other for the stupid bickering from before. He was just too sweet to be mad at!

The rest of the class went pretty well. We got to see a "new" video on effacement and dilation and even got to see a few babies being born. (Including our hoo hoo's and ta'ta's. DH wasn't ready to see videos yet, I think. :shock: ) We got some training-type books to read and then got to tour some of the rooms. The instructor said we'd be touring at least 1-2 rooms at every class, which I thought was nice. We found out what kind of things the hospital is providing and all the nice amenities the "hotel" is offering. (Um..I want to bring home the tub, please!) When we left, DH said "I never knew your cervix and all the rest of your stuff went through that much!" WTH...does the kid just pop out of my belly button? Lol He is definitely getting more excited about the baby, though he is very nervous about our son or daughter being here in less than 8 weeks.

Joined: 01/17/05
Posts: 75

A lot has happened since our first lamaze class last week. We had another class this past Tuesday and it went really well. We practiced breathing and DH made me laugh, practically shooting snot out my nose with his "You can DO IT" like the guy from the Waterboy movie. He wanted to make sure I wasn't really pushing "down south", but his funnies were NOT appropriate. I had the giggles for some reason and they just wouldn't stop!

We watched another movie about a woman who had a 48 hour labor! WTF?!? She wanted to go natural but wouldn't progress past 3 cm until she was being prepped for a C section. THEN she hit 4 1/2 and decided to get an epidural and wait to finish on her own. STRONG WOMAN! WHOA!!! DH saw her perineum being stretched and about gagged. It looked really painful and I almost lost it too. YIKES!

I had my breastfeeding class last night. I hate to judge people and won't do it if I can help it, but there was this older couple there that gave me the willies. I'm guessing they were probably 40 or so and looked like they hadn't taken a shower in a week. It wasn't the appearance that freaked me out (Or the smell, tho they smelled horrible!) but it was their personality! They followed me into the elevator and he immediately looked at my belly and said "I bet you're going to the Breastfeeding class too, aren't ya!" OK, no biggie..."Yup, I am!"

So we get to the OB floor and when the door opens he gets off and makes an odd comment about boobs being abundant "up here". I had to show them where to go, but I wanted to show them the door. They are due Feb 9th and she didn't look pregnant at all. She and her husband are VERY large people. (I hate saying that, since I'm bigger than a size 10 too, but they were probably close to 400 lbs apiece.) So I show them the classroom and then drop my stuff off and went to chat with my nurse friend. We chat for a bit and then I head back to class to get my water bottle to fill it up. (I got there about 20 minutes early so I could talk to the nurse and chat with the other women...ANYONE but them. :oops: )

I get back and the LC Wanda and Intern Kara were there talking with them. Wanda jumped at the chance to chat with me when I sat down. She and I chatted like we were old friends and she said "I think you'll be fun to work with, you're so bubbly!" HA! Just as long as I didn't have to talk with the smelly couple. The other 2 moms show up and the class starts. We go over the outline and then start asking some questions. I get chewed out b/c I don't have a Pediatrician yet (On the to-do list for today/next week) and the smelly couple say they have an orthopedic doctor as their Ped. WTF, the LC says. Well, turns out smelly guy has a club foot and they already know their baby has one too. Hmm, interesting. He jumps in later to say that she has diabetes (regular type...worstened by pregnancy) so this woman already has it rough.

We got through the opening and the LC starts with pictures of things. We pass them around and the guy just STARES at all the pics with breasts on them. We begin the movie and all I hear are sick comments about "big breasts for the baby" and "those are the baby's milk jugs", etc. UGH...it made me want to PUKE! He SNORTED once during the video! One time he even grabbed his wife's boobs!! EEW EEW EEW! I better not deliver while they are in the hospital, I don't want to see him again.

We discussed pumps and the LC showed us the different kinds the hospital suggests/recommends. They have Medela and Ameda, but also had the Avent Isis pump yesterday too. All of them sounded rather quiet, so I think it wouldn't matter which kind I get. I would like to get an electric one, but they are REALLY expensive. Bottles are also a matter of baby's preference and she said that the nipples really don't matter as long as it closely resembles the mother's nipples. Hmm, interesting info!

OK, I've blabbed enough for now. I've got a lot on my mind today so I'll probably be posting again later.

Joined: 01/17/05
Posts: 75

Oops, didn't get back to posting later. I tried, I really did, but my comp crashed and then my left mouse button wouldn't work, so I refrained myself from throwing it and made DH look at it when he got home. He took the cover off and blew the dust out of it and now it seems to be working, so hopefully I'm good to go.

Well, I'm 34 weeks as of yesterday and I can definitely tell I'm near the end. I'm getting all those pains that everyone further than me is talking about. It is definitely beginning to suck bigtime! The hip pain is beginning to drive me nuts, which is helping my sleep deprivation continue on record pace. Oh well, onto my appt today.

Had the regular 2 week appt with the OB today. Gained another 2 1/2 lbs so a grand total of 10 pounds since pre-preggo weight. YIKES! I hate gaining weight, even though it's for the baby. The doc said he can't tell what it is that I'm feeling right above my belly button...either a head or a butt. In 2 weeks he'll start doing an internal and might do a quick u/s to see what position baby is in. Baby better turn or I'll kick his/her butt! He also confirmed my Pediatrician choice, saying his own children go to the 2 doctors that I was asking about, so I feel really good about them. Yay, one less thing to think about.

My good friend Charlotte had her baby on Saturday. WELCOME Baby Kaden! I'm so excited for her. I know she had a hard time with him the last few months...he was getting bigger and causing her a lot of pain. I just hope everything is going well for her and her DH at home. I feel helpless since she lives so far from me. UGH, that's the worst part!

My mom just stopped by and saw my coming home outfits that DH and I bought this weekend. She really likes the girl's one. I like it too, totally cute for a little girl. The boy one is cute too, but I'll have to get the matching blanket if baby is a boy. The blanket is SO WARM and thick, it would complete the outfit! Must go to Blain's, they have Carter's clothes for babies!

I've got La Leche League tonight and I need to get going so I can stop at the library before, so I better get a move on. I've been thinking about another Feb mommy, Jamie and her DH and her sweet baby K, and I'm praying everything turns out for her. She's been such a sweetie her entire pregnancy and doesn't deserve the pain she's had to endure. I hope everything turns out OK for her with K's arrival. I know everything can't be perfect, but I'm just hoping her doctors made a horrible mistake and K is just fine. I understand that Jamie has good days and bad days, lord knows I would too if I had to deal with that same situation. I just hope she can understand that we are here for her, the girls from Feb. I know it's probably hard to come to the Feb board b/c "we all have healthy babies and her's isn't", but we can try and be supportive of her and K and her DH. We love Jamie and her baby...nothing can change that. I just wanted to get that off my mind...I've been thinking about her for so long now, it's tough to not think about anything else!

Joined: 01/17/05
Posts: 75

Well, it's been an eventful week since I posted last. We had Lamaze class on Tuesday night at the hospital, then got home to find a couple messages on the answering machine. DH's dad (FIL) was being taken to the hospital for heart problems. SO...we put our shoes and coats back on and headed BACK to the same place we just came from. DH had 9 missed calls on his phone in the 2-3 hours we were gone. UGH! If he just would TAKE HIS STUPID PHONE when we go places, we wouldn't miss important stuff. This is NOT the first time we've missed calls b/c he hasn't had the phone with him. I ALWAYS carry my cell, "just in case" so that I don't get caught without it. GRR!!

So we go back to the hospital and find out his HR skyrocketed to 160 while at work. Well, long story short, he's getting out of the hospital today but has had to go from the ER to the Cardiac ward/floor/wing to the ICU and then back to the Cardiac wing since Tuesday. The Cardiac Doctor wanted to do a surgery on Wed morning ASAP to see if he had a blood clot (The main worries of the whole trip- clotting, stroke, and a heart attack). They couldn't get the tube down his throat (he's a big man) b/c of an obstruction and that caused his blood oxygen to plummet. YEESH! So that's when they decided to do the sleep apnea test.

The dumb BIATCH who did the sleep test got the strap under his chin too tight, so he ended up swelling big time in his chin. STUPID DUMB BIATCH! UGH!!!!! B/c of the swelling they took him to the ICU to be watched for 36 hours...they thought he was going to choke b/c of the swelling. Sat he went back to the regular room on the cardiac floor and was fitted/trained to use the CPAP machine while he sleeps. 2 nights of using that and the docs feel comfortable with it, so he should be coming home today.

I am having stress induced contrax, so that doesn't make matters any better for me. I thought for sure I would go into labor on Tuesday when we were driving back to the hospital. My back has ached since then, but has been getting better lately...not the CONSTANT sharp aches but more of a dull pain. Plus the headaches have been getting worse, but I know those are stress induced too. Also I'm not drinking the caffeine like I used to.

DH and I had a really good talk last night about L & D. We had just read our chpt in "Week by Week" and it said that some couples may deal with tension b/c they aren't talking about their fears. I asked DH is he was worried about L & D at all (we BOTH worry all the time about money, so that was a no-brainer) and he said he was. He wants to make me feel better but is afraid he won't remember the breathing techniques, or won't do something right. I told him not to worry, we are in this together and I've never done it either! He's such a sweetie, I hope I can do something nice for him soon...maybe a candlelight dinner tonight or Wed night. Anything to make him feel appreciated!!

He's done so much of the work around here lately. I put the snowmen stuff away yesterday but he carried it all upstairs and then more downstairs to be put away for the year. I figured if I didn't get it done now the stuff might still be up when baby gets here. I even dusted some too, which I think made him feel even worse. Crazy guy...I love him too much and he thinks he's slacking.

Joined: 01/17/05
Posts: 75

OK, instead of going off on the monthly board, I am going off on here. UGH!! I think it has to do with hormones, but I'm REALLY pissed right now.

I go and post a question, with the part in the post saying something to the effect of "we've already had the discussion about who IS going to yadda yadda...but for those that ARE, what product do you use". I had also posted another question. Both were quick, only needed 2 one-sentence answers. Instead, I'm getting "WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT" or "You don't need to impress the doctor" kind of replies. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The thing that's getting me is I didn't ASK for that kind of response, I wanted to know the products people would recommend. Now my whole f'ing post is a joke and I want to scream at the people for making it that way. I have reasons behind wanting to do what I want to do...not because of the doctors and not because of how it will look. I don't feel that I should have to explain myself to them, but now I just want to scream at them!!

UGH....I HATE THESE PREGNANT HORMONES!! I think I'm going to log out and just lurk for awhile. Screw posting anymore, I spend more time on here than a normal person should and it's just pissing me off right now that I am not treated with respect. Who in the H#LL does (BLEEP) think she is?? And hi-jacking MY post to be that way?!? GRR!! :evil:

Joined: 01/17/05
Posts: 75

I feel so empty tonight. My stupid little tizzy is nothing compared to the feelings the Little's are feeling tonight. I feel so horrible for Jamie and Trey. I was hoping they could look into Keiran's eyes just once and be able to tell her that they love her. I get so mad at God when someone I know dies, but I never "knew" Jamie as close as others did. I knew of her and we posted back and forth a few times, but that's it. She'll always be a Feb Mommy...but I know it will be hard for her. UGH, why did this have to happen this way??

I'm going to have some "cuddle time" with DH tonight. I cried when I told him the outcome and he got all mushy too. I think we both need to have a cry session and just hold each other tonight. He's such a sweetie, I wish something else would be bringing us closer and not this. I miss Jamie and her upbeat attitude. She always had hope!

Joined: 01/17/05
Posts: 75

OK....another crappy night.

DH left at 1:15 for Chicago for the entire week. Well, until Friday at 4:00 or so. I HATE HAVING HIM GONE! I know I need to take this one day at a time, but I just feel so alone and empty without him here. It sucks tremendously, let me tell ya. Not having an internal check this morning made everything all the more crap-tacular. I was hoping I'd find out if I was progressing (So I could convince him NOT to go!) but no internal in sight for me.

So in order to take my mind off missing Dean, I ended up going with my Godmother and her daughters to a movie, Cheaper By The Dozen 2. It was a good movie, but would have been better with the DH there. I couldn't get him out of my mind the whole night. Thank goodness we got to talk tonight, but I still miss him horribly. Ugh! I better get to bed, I'm going to need all the sleep I can get with the daycare baby tomorrow.

Joined: 01/17/05
Posts: 75

I just wanted to post the pic of my candles I lit for Keiran and the other 2 angels from the Special Needs board that grew wings recently. I really enjoyed being a part of the tribute/memorial for the 3, it helped me be there for a "friend" when I knew of no other way to be there for her and her DH. I hated not knowing what I could do for them. I still don't think I did enough for them...but I just can't do as much being so far with funds so tight. Ugh, makes me feel even worse about myself just THINKING about it!

But that is the candle holder I found. I thought it was appropriate since there were 3 angels. It is sitting on top of our TV cabinet, so I see it quite often throughout the day. I think I'll leave it up for awhile too. Keiran and her family have meant so much to me and my DH. We don't know them personally, but just having known of them is a blessing.

I am going to attach this pic of the 3 candles to my siggy. I want to remember Keiran and the other 2 angels and believe this is the way to do it.

Edited to add: This memorial/tribute wasn't JUST for the 3 angels, but for all angels being remembered on Sunday. I wanted to add that. There have been other sweet angels that have passed before the 3 recent ones did, and they are still every bit as important as these 3. I didn't want to make the impression that this was only for the 3 recent angels, but for all angels touched by those who participated on Sunday. We will miss them all!

Joined: 01/17/05
Posts: 75

38 weeks, 1 day....UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am SO about ready to come unglued. My body hurts, my head hurts, my hoo hoo hurts...I can't move like I used to and it STINKS!! I think DH and I are ready for baby's arrival now, though. Yesterday we finished all our laundry and either folded it or hung it up to dry and then we did the baby's clothes that we were planning on doing. We need to do more of his/her clothes, but I am really nervous about taking any tags off in case baby is a lot bigger or smaller than we think.

We also got the crib set up and our bedroom re-arranged so it would fit in there. I just finished washing the waterproof mattress cover so I'll be putting that and the sheet on the mattress before I leave for my appt. I have a 10:50 appt today so I'll be having dinner with the DH too. I need to pack the hospital bag first tho. DH wanted me to have it in the car in case something were to happen today at my appt. I don't think it will now, I had cramps this morning but they've gone away. GRR!

My back is ready for this baby to be here. I can't seem to get up from sitting or laying down like I used to and my new way of doing things hurts just as much as before. That and I'm so exhausted! I know it won't get any better when kid comes, but at least when s/he does arrive then DH can take him/her for awhile and I can get some rest! I think changing sides of the bed last night had something to do with why I'm so tired today. DH wanted to see if we could switch sides of the bed so I'd be closer to the crib, but it was hellacious on my sleep, and I think his too. We both tossed and turned all night long. It doesn't help that I woke up when he did...so now I'm tired still and can't go back to sleep.

OK, enough whining...more later after the appt.

Joined: 01/17/05
Posts: 75

Ok, my appt sucked, but that's typical. It only sucked b/c I didn't get an internal and wanted one really bad...how wierd is it to hear me say that! HA! I didn't ask about my weight and the doc didn't say anything, so who knows what's going on with that. I told the Doc that baby hadn't been going crazy, in fact the past weekend the baby had been really INactive, so he sent me for another NST. BORING, but all is OK/fine. At least I got to go to L&D and could request the nasty nurse NOT be there when baby is born. YAY!!

DH made dinner tonight for Valentine's Day. We had grilled pork loin, potatoes, and green beans. Normally I would have made him a dinner (Last year we had a candlelight dinner with wine and all the fun stuff) but woke up with a horrendous headache and then had the daycare kid all afternoon. I'm still exhausted so I think we'll be calling it an early night in bed tonight. We DTD last night, so hopefully he's not wanting it again. We did it 3 times in the past 4 days in an attempt to get this kid out...I'm going CRAZY!

Just finished reading some stuff in the "What to Expect" book when I felt a cramping in my hoo hoo. It feels like the kid is pushing down further into my hips. It also feels like I'm getting the cramps in my legs! WTF?!? Last week I had a really bad backache and now THIS. Hmm, could it be the start of something? Is that why I'm getting a headache too? Is the change in my hormone levels enough to cause my headaches?!? Interesting. I made DH get up from his computer to get me off the couch so I could stand up and see what I was feeling in my leg. Right now it's just been in the left side, so I'm not sure what to expect. I'll keep everyone updated though!

Joined: 01/17/05
Posts: 75

I don't know how to feel anymore.

I just want my baby out of me, to hold him/her in my arms, to feel his/her skin on mine. BUT...I can't help but think of a special friend who won't feel that touch anymore, who never got to hold her baby alive in her arms. I think about how hormonal and stupid MY feelings are when I know she's hurting. I feel so sick when I think that way, that I'm just being impatient and my baby will arrive soon, but I can't help but feel nervous too.

Of course babies lose room to move when they get bigger. I haven't felt this baby go crazy like it normally does, so I'm nervous for it. I think it may have something to do with this friend. She lost her baby, so I'm afraid I'm going to lose mine. I've read women's stories of how they went into the doctor's appt and heard the heartbeat, then the next day they didn't feel movement and later found out the baby was gone. UGH, I can't handle this any more!! I'm so afraid of something bad happening...I'm so scared something bad will happen. I know I shouldn't be...that there was nothing "wrong" so far, but how can I NOT be worried!

Joined: 01/17/05
Posts: 75

DH thinks I'm getting a cold. :getwell: That would help explain the crabbiness, I'm always a witch :witch: when it comes to getting sick. I am so bummed, I don't want baby to arrive when I'm sick. DH thought he was getting sick to, which makes sense b/c one of the people at work could barely talk on Tuesday. GREAT...we'll BOTH be sick unless baby stays in for 2 more weeks!

Got some good deals today at Bath & Body Works. Had a $10 GC and a "Free Hand Cream with $10 Purchase" coupon, so I ended up with $42 worth of stuff for $5. YAY! Got some Eucalyptus Spearmint aromatherapy oil, pillow spray, a massager thingy, and 9 tea lights (DH loves that scent too) and then the free "Breathe: Delight" hand cream. YUM! Definitely a steal in the "retail therapy" department.

Joined: 01/17/05
Posts: 75

Lily’s Birth Story

It all started on Monday, Feb 27th. I had an appt scheduled with Dr. Hintz at 10:40. Being 40 weeks, I thought/hoped he would check me for progress. He did and I was 2 cm and still only 50% effaced. After the appt I was having some major back pain, which I figured was normal. I met Dean for lunch and then went home and got on Preg.org for a while. Mom called and asked if I wanted to go walking since it was nice out, so I agreed. We went walking with grandma for about an hour (I was contracting but nothing really time-able) and then went home. I still felt the back pain so I was lazy and had Dean make dinner. We had chicken potpies and biscuits and then watched “Friday Night Lights” till 9:20. By that time my back was still hurting so I went to bed.

At approximately 10:00, I woke up with intense back pain. I tossed and turned till 12:00 midnight, trying to get comfy and trying to make it go away. It never did go away, only intensified, so I woke Dean up. It took him a few minutes to really wake up, but then he was up and ready to help. I tried the yoga ball first but it hurt more than it helped. We then tried a warm shower. I made him get in with me so that I could relax, or at least try to, and he could rub my back. The warm shower felt great. I had to get out eventually when the contractions were getting worse and closer together. Around 2:15 Dean timed them at 4-5 minutes apart and lasting anywhere between 30 seconds and 1 ¼ minutes. I told him I’d wait till 3:00 to go into the hospital, but never made 3:00. We decided to leave for the hospital around 2:30 when the contractions started to make my legs hurt.

We got to the hospital around 3:00 and where checked into triage. The nurse, Jenny, checked me and I was still only 2 cm and only 50% effaced. Oh my goodness, I was hoping for something better than that! Dr. Hintz was called and he told the nurses to monitor me and call back in an hour or so. Jenny hooked me up to the monitor for a while and then decided to get me up to walk. Dean and I walked the halls till 4:15 and then came back to the room to get checked. I got up on the bed and Jenny put the monitors back on me. I had one contraction and then another not too long after that. During the second contraction, I sat upright because lying on my back was hurting more than anything. At that time, baby’s heart rate dropped to under 100 beats and for a few seconds we didn’t hear it. I was scared and just looked at Dean, hoping for some reassurance since he could see the screen. Jenny pushed the call button and got another nurse in there, Marilyn, right away. They put the oxygen mask on me and wheeled me into a regular labor suite.

I was definitely nervous at this time. They got baby’s heart rate back up to where it should be, but said I was staying and wouldn’t be leaving without a baby. I then got an IV (Dean said my hand should be pretty sore because Jenny did a poor job of keeping the needle straight in my hand) and the doctor was called again. I spent the next 2 hours laboring in the bed (it was pure torture) until the doctor showed up at 6:30. I wasn’t expecting him till around 8:00, so it was a mixed blessing. I say mixed, because he broke my waters without telling me and immediately the contractions started hurting worse. As he leaves the room the doc looks over his shoulder and says “have fun”! Yeah, some fun I’m going to have.

Around 7:00 my Labor and Delivery nurse arrived. Jennifer (not to be confused with Jenny the triage nurse) suggested I get into the whirlpool tub. Dean went to the car to get the bag while she helped me into the tub. The heat made my back hurt even worse! I didn’t make it too long in the tub, maybe 15 minutes. I got out and asked for an ice pack. Jennifer asked if I wanted to try the rocking chair, which I did. That didn’t last long either, as the back labor was too painful. So I got in the bed and pressed the oblong ice pack into my lower back. I spent the next hour screaming in pain, digging my nails into the bed, and asking for any kind of drug I could get. At 8:00 my doctor gave in to my requests and ordered Nubain. He said it was supposed to take the edge off, but it didn’t do much for me.

Jennifer checked me around 9:00 and said I was 4 centimeters, which meant I could get my epidural. Dr. Hussein came in and administered the wonder drug shortly after 9:05. By 9:12, I wasn’t feeling anything. Jennifer then started the Pitocin and “jacked it up” since I had gotten the epidural and wouldn’t be feeling any contractions anyway. I labored in bed till around 11:00 when Jennifer checked me again. She said I was 8-9 centimeters. I then had to wait till 12:00 for my doctor to come and check me.

Close to 12:00 Jennifer came in, checked me again and said I just had a lip of cervix on one side. The doctor then came in, checked me, and said the same thing. He walks toward the door saying he’ll go get some lunch and then be back. I’ll start pushing when he gets back. Jennifer says I should have a baby by 2:00 with the way things are going.

12:45 rolls around and in comes my doctor. Jennifer had set the room up while he was gone, so we got “down to business” rather quickly. Suzanne, the lactation consultant and Lamaze instructor, came in and asked if Kara, the intern, could observe our delivery. I said no to a male who wanted to observe, but Kara had been with us in Lamaze and my breastfeeding class, so I didn’t see a problem. So I started pushing around 12:45 with Dean, Jennifer, Kara, and the Dr. watching and helping.

The epidural had begun to wear off around 12:30, so I could somewhat feel when a contraction was coming. I pushed using the Lamaze breathing techniques we had learned, with Dean counting the whole time. Jennifer had one leg and Dr. Hintz the other, until he passed it off to Kara while he tried to get the baby’s head to come down. Dean said he heard me tearing while the doctor put his fingers into me to try and rotate her head. I pushed for a while and then the doctor took a break. For almost an hour he sat in the rocker sleeping while I pushed. It made me a bit mad, but he had a ton of other births so I know he was tired. Plus I wasn’t progressing that much, so he had some time.

About 1:30 he woke up and checked my progress. I continued to push and he continued to stick his fingers in to try and turn her. This time he got her to turn and then had me push harder, if I could. I felt a ton of pressure, but no real progress was made. Around 2:00 he decided to use the vacuum. I felt him try to pull her out with it, but she once again made no progress coming down. My contractions would push her down an inch, and then she would slip back up. He tried the vacuum a few more times, then had me push solo a few more times. Around 2:30 he got out the forceps. These hurt a bit getting position. He got them positioned and then had me push when I felt a contraction. Oh my goodness, it felt like he was pulling my hips out. He tried it a few more times and then said it was a no go. I would need a c-section.

We had to wait for an on-call nurse (Rachel) to arrive before the section. Around 3:00 Dr. Hawkins, another anesthesiologist, came in and administered my c-section drugs. I was so out of it, totally beside myself with grief because I had so wanted to have my baby naturally. I started shaking from the adrenaline. They made me drink this nasty tasting stuff that I ended up throwing up later. Yuck! Dean got suited up in scrubs and then we just waited to be taken back to the OR.

Once back in the OR they got me moved over to the operating table. It was so cold that I continued to shake. I lost track of time completely after the doctor said “c-section” back in the delivery suite. Dean was by my side shortly after I got strapped to the table, but the surgery had already begun by the time he was seated. I felt the pressure and tugging, but it didn’t hurt like I thought it would. Jennifer, my labor nurse, had to push her head back out of my pelvis in order for the doctor to even get her out. At 3:57 in the afternoon, Dr. Hintz pulled our baby out and lifted her up, saying, “What does it look like, Dad?” Dean had to take a second look because the cord was hanging between her legs. Doc moved it and then Dean looked down at me with red, tearful eyes saying, “It’s a girl!”

I was so drugged up I didn’t know what to think, other than I wanted to see her. She cried a couple of good screams and then they took her to the warmer and started checking her over and cleaning her off. Then they took her to the pediatric side to check her oxygen level, heart rate, and temperature. Dean asked if he should stay and I told him to go with her. He kissed me and then left with her.

It took almost 2 hours for the doctor to fix me, sew me up, and get me back to the labor suite where it all started. Dean said he heard the nurses talking when they brought me in. He said the doc had to actually take my uterus out of me and stitch it up because it tore too, and then put it back in. No wonder I’m sore! During the “fixing” phase I ended up nauseas and actually started to feel them putting me back together. I was administered a gas to put me out while they finished sewing me up so I wouldn’t be in anymore pain.

A little before 6:00 they brought me back to the room, only to find daddy and daughter cuddling in the rocker next to my bed. It was so cute, from what I can remember. Dean is such a great dad to her…they had an immediate bond that I can’t even compete with. I tried nursing shortly after I got back to the room (per nasty nurse “No Name’s” orders) but I was still so out of it that I couldn’t even hold her or my own head up. Around 6:45 we tried nursing again and she latched on right away. It was so fun calling my parents to tell them they had their first granddaughter. My mom sounded like she was crying, which I’m sure she was. It was a great night as I woke up more and got to experience a world of firsts with our new baby girl.

Joined: 01/17/05
Posts: 75

OK, so at least I wrote out the birth story. Now I can write about the emotional roller coaster I've been on in the 2 weeks since her birth.

DH doesn't seem to understand at all. He is getting after me about my family, about how often my mom comes over, and about how many clothes and other "things" people are buying for her. He just went back to work on Monday and I'm already overwhelmed by everything. He is so grumpy when she gets up at night, like he doesn't want to get up with her. I think I'm going to start pumping more so that he HAS to get up and feed her, not just me.

Every other night is good/bad, so we think she's getting into a pattern and then it's all out the window the next night. Last night was horrid...she wanted to be held from 2-6 AM. We couldn't put her down or she would wake up screaming. Don't know what's up with that though.

I am worried about my milk supply. I got 5 ounces out of both total yesterday and only 3 out of them today. I'm using the Avent Isis, but I think I should buy a hospital grade or double electric one. I had my DH give Lily a bottle the first night we were home from the hospital b/c she wouldn't latch b/c of my engorged ta-ta's. She HATED the Playtex Vent Aire ones, so I tried the Avent ones today. She seemed to take to it OK, so that's good. She sucked in a ton of air, but we just had to break her suction so she wouldn't suck in so much. Other than the air sucking, she did really well with it and took all 3 ounces I had pumped.

So DH is OK with the idea of getting a good pump. I hate the idea, I don't want to spend any more money. I just wish I knew whether it would help. If I got 5 ounces from my left breast in about 10 minutes with a manual pump, will I really get that much more with the electric? My left side is the producer, I can't seem to get jack squat from my right.

OK, enough rambling, back to the real reason for this vent.

I HATE the idea of my c-section. I had SUCH a good labor (well, minus the pain) up till the Doc said we needed to do a section. Once he said those words, I lost it. I don't remember much after he said those words, including the moment the doc pulled my baby from me. I hate the idea that I couldn't be the first to hold my baby, I HATE the idea that my DH bonded with her first, I hate the idea that she couldn't feed till over 2 hours later and even then I couldn't hold her the first time. I HATE the idea that I will never be able to have kids vaginally b/c of what happened to my uterus. I just HATE the whole section thing! I LOVE MY BABY, but she did NOT come as I had wanted and it's making me hormonal to the point of PPD.

My DH is such a good dad with her, reading to her and giving her baths and changing her clothes when they need it. But he doesn't understand how important all those above "Labor and delivery" things were to me, how much I wanted the doc to pull her out and put her on my chest. It is such a disapointment to me, even though I know a ton of women go in for planned sections and wouldn't have it any other way.

I just hate how I can't relate to any of my family. No one has had a section. I have HUGE hips, baby-bearing hips their called, but they couldn't get the job done. Supposedly her head was stuck in my pelvis in a wierd way, but that doesn't make me feel any better about the section.

I don't know what else to say. It's hard to be up front with Dean b/c he was never in the position that I was. We were constantly on the go last week when he was home, so I haven't really had a lot of "recoup" time. I'm so exhausted b/c I haven't had more than 4 hours of straight sleep in 3 weeks. My boobs feel like volleyballs and then when I pump and get very little out of them, it's so frustrating, but I don't want to shell out $300 for a pump if it won't work.

OK, enough rambling. I need to get dinner ready for him and my "milk bar" ready for her.

Joined: 01/17/05
Posts: 75

XP from Feb: Been feeling crappy lately so I thought I'd XP everything here so I can keep up with myself.

OMG, I can't believe I forgot TO EAT! I was nursing Lily last night around 9:00 and DH asked me what I had eaten for lunch and dinner. Um...lunch was a PB & J sandwich and dinner was a quarter of a bag of carrots. OMG!! The only "saving grace" of the whole day was the fact that we went out for omelets (SP?) for brunch. They were big (And good- ham, cheese, and grn peppers) and I had hash browns and a german meat along with it.

I feel REALLy bad, but then had my g'ma chew my butt about it this morning. She asked why Lily had so much gas (she had both butt gas and tummy gas all morning today and was cranky b/c of it) and I was dumb enough to tell her that I hadn't eaten hardly at all, so it shouldn't be what I ate. Well, she read me the riot act and now I feel even worse.

PLEASE tell me that someone else sometimes forgets meals?!? There are times when I pig out...and I feel bad about that too b/c usually it's take-out. I an trying to make up for it today. I drink enough, but I can't seem to eat enough. Anyone else have this problem?!? Please don't tell me I'm a bad mom, I don't think I could handle any more negative criticism.

Joined: 01/17/05
Posts: 75

XP: Thoughts of my day...probably dealing with PPD. Sad

I don't know what to do. I knew I would be more likely to have post-partum depression b/c of my history of depression in college. I never guessed I would have PPD, b/c my DH is sooo helpful and I have a ton of other friends and family there for me for support if need be. Well, I was totally wrong.

I really think I either have PPD or am developing a (hopefully mild) case of it. With the labor gone wrong-turned into c-section, the fact that my DH got to bond with her first, my pumping issues...I think it all adds up to a case of the baby blues. DH asked me how I was feeling last night...almost 3 weeks after she was born he FINALLY asks about it. I know, I need to talk to him about it too, not rely on him to bring it up, but whenever I bring up anything regarding lack of sleep or her, he gets defensive saying he's tired too. It's even worse with my mother and g'ma b/c they say it's just sleep deprivation and nothing more.

I brought up the idea of pumping more during the day and letting DH feed her at night. He barks back and says then "HE's going to bed at 8 then, b/c he'll need more sleep". SO WTF does THAT mean?!? I SHOULD be going to sleep at 8 every night just to get a nap in before she's up all night. I think she's got her days and nights mixed up b/c she tends to be wide awake between 3 and 6 in the mornings. You can about imagine how well his comment went over. He doesn't seem to understand that I'm doing surprisingly well after my section. I hear about some of you still in terrible pain and feel so bad for you. (I am actually thinking of vacuuming, even though it's on the "do not do" list.) He thinks I must be fine, so he expects so much more out of me. The first week at home from the hospital we only stayed home 1 day...otherwise we went to town, went to his g'ma's (a 45 minute drive) or went shopping. How can I be healing when we're never home resting?!?

Now we're dueling about the whole pacifier thing. I can't stand to hear my baby girl scream...it breaks my heart to see her like that, so I give it to her whenever she acts like she wants to suck without being hungry. He refuses to give it to her except for in select situations, so usually she's screaming her head off before he gives it to her, making me just want to cry my eyes out. Now we're dealing with her not wanting to sleep in her crib and just wanting to sleep on our chests or in our bed. She's currently crying in her crib now b/c I just put her down.

I'm so sorry I'm venting about everything and anything...it's just so hard to talk to anyone in my family b/c no one has ever had a section before, nor did they BF any of their kids for very long. I just tried leaving her in her crib while she cried, but couldn't do it...I made it for maybe 5 minutes and she was only screaming for a minute! Now she's sleeping in my arms...hasn't been in them for maybe 3 minutes. Yay...I'm such a push-over mommy. My doctor is back from vacation now, so I might give him a call today. I don't know what to do...don't anti-depressants show up in breast milk? I refuse to stop bf'ing her, that's not an option. (She currently is doing OK with nursing, just the pumping extra is lacking.) I am trying to write DH a letter since I can't seem to talk to him about it, but can't figure out my thoughts right now. UGH!!

Sorry it's so long...and I hate being a downer, but you all at least know where I'm coming from or have been there for me before. No one else seems to understand.

Joined: 01/17/05
Posts: 75

I've been better since I wrote that last entry. DD had a crappy night 2 nights ago where she was up ALL night and I got the lucky job of being up all night with her. Thank goodness last night she only ate at 10, 1 and 5, so I got some sleep. YAY! Unfortunately I woke up with an eye infection (or what I thought was one) and spent the morning calling eye dr's in the are trying to get an appt.

Found out the eye problem was a severely scratched cornea (from wearing my contacts too long) and all I can do right now is put drops in it every hour. IT'S NOT HELPING! Now, because of the drops, my eye is watering as well as my nose, so now my nose is raw from using tissues so often. GOOD LORD! I have to go back in next week for a regular exam, so thankfully I'll get my eyes "checked" and should get a new pair of glasses out of the deal. Well, I'll have them cut lenses for my old frames, they're still good.

So...other than that life has been OK. I've been a little overwhelmed with stuff to do (thank you's, mainly) but hopefully I'll get more time to do that stuff tomorrow. Maybe she'll sleep tonight like she did last night, and then maybe even sleep in tomorrow. She is always up at 6 when DH leaves, and then never goes back to sleep until after I'm fully awake. Silly girl!!

Haven't had "the talk" with DH yet, but it's getting better on it's own. He and I had it out today about something stupid, so maybe I'll continue the discussing tonight. I took an ibuprofin for my eye not too long ago, so maybe I'll be asleep before we actually talk. Who knows...but I know I'm babbling now. Don't worry about me everyone...I'm really OK. Thanks for all the PM's tho, sorry if I don't get back to you all too soon. I only seem to get online when DH is home and even then only for a few minutes.

Joined: 01/17/05
Posts: 75

I feel horrible, my DH can't do anything right by me anymore. I went and got a haircut on Tuesday and he warmed up my only bottle of EBM in the fridge (3 ounces) for L and of course she wasn't hungry, she'd just ate an hour before! All she wanted was some different scenery and her daddy to stop talking to his friend. I was SO flipping mad at him! I can only seem tp pump 3 ounces in a day (I only pump in the morning) so it was an entire day's worth of my "extra" milk! GRR! I needed that for this weekend when we would be away from the house practically all day on Sunday.

DH says he's getting a cold. It's driving me nuts, b/c he doesn't want to take her at all during the night, though he doesn't look or sound overly sick. He sounded worse last night than the night before. He fricken snored like a freight train last night, starting right after she finished eating. So I was UP for another hour b/c I couldn't fall back asleep. He did get up with her around 3, but only to change her, walk her into the livingroom and then back into the bedroom and promptly give her to me telling me she was hungry. I got pissed and threw the covers off me. He couldn't understand why I was so upset...umm, gee honey, let me think. I had only been sleeping for a HALF HOUR and then what does he do...turns over and falls asleep, snoring away! UGH!

OK, more later, she's fussing and wants to be rocked

Joined: 01/17/05
Posts: 75

OK, I could go more in depth with what I want to say, but I'll leave it at this: I can't stand some of my IL's! (Not MY family either, (neither of my SIL's), so those who know me can figure this one out!)

Dh and I got a swing for L yesterday. YAY! She SO enjoys being in it, it's such a lifesaver. I actually got some cleaning done this morning while DH was out changing the oil in our cars. I didn't get enough cleaning done, but that's b/c DH wasn't in here to help. He SAID he would help me clean, but my Sonata took longer than he thought, I guess. Oh well, no biggie, I have all day tomorrow.

Was asked today by my BIL if we were going to have a baby shower for L. I had one last weekend for my side of the family, but didn't invite them. Didn't think anything of it since it was MY family putting it on. Guess I should have invited them, but DH and I plan on having a "Meet the Baby" party sometime after Easter. Hope that pleases them.

Joined: 01/17/05
Posts: 75

We're finally back! Went to Chicago for DH's work last week and actually enjoyed being out of the area/state a LOT! L decided to start feeding every 90 minutes to 2 hours, so I've put in a call to the LC and her Ped to get some idea on whether or not it's a growth spurt or just her/me. The LC said my BC (Depo shot) shouldn't have had any impact on her (or my milk supply) but it could have just been a combination of the trip and her growth spurt. I'm so bummed though, I can't pump worth a darn right now. She's NEEDING to eat on both sides to get full, so pumping has decreased to 1 ounce here and there. UGH!

Her darn Ped needs to call back, this is nuts. It's already been a half hour, what if this had been an emergency!?! I know a bunch of people probably called in, being it's a Monday morning, but COME ON! I think I'm going to rent a hospital grade pump for a month. I need to get my supply back up and pumping after she eats may be the only way to do it. Wish me luck!

Joined: 01/17/05
Posts: 75

Whoa, it's been quite awhile since I last journaled. I ended up renting a hospital pump and also starteddd drinking Mother's Milk tea and taking Fenugreek, along with eating oatmeal once a day and upping my water intake immensely. Everything has since gone back to "normal" and I've even been able to put more milk in storage than I usually did before, so I'm excited.

I also found out just this week that my insurance covers 90% of the Medela Pump in Style Original and I could upgrade to the PIS Advance as long as I paid the difference. No big whoop to me! So I ended up getting the PIS Advance for $75. YAY!!

DH made up for a not-so-fun Mother's Day last week. I didn't get a card from my baby girl (Which I really wanted- didn't need a gift from either one, just wanted a card) and we had Baptism from HE## so it was pretty rough around here. He did go out and buy printer ink though this week and actually MADE me a card and personalized it too from the baby. He didn't sign it, so we borrowed Maddy's idea from my birth board and inked her foot and pressed it on the bottom. SO cute! Now I have a footprint of hers and we'll keep doing this for every major event with cards involved. It's so fun to watch her wiggle her toes in the ink.

I had a bad first couple days this week. It was just NOT my week and I didn't know why. I tossed her/my FAVORITE pink sleeper in the wash with a loads of semi-darks (that had been washed with a pair of red undies before, so I knew they were OK) but then forgot that I had put in there 2 other shirts that I had gotten from my mom that were old ones from when I was in HS. GRR, they must not have been washed enough, b/c they bled onto JUST the onesie. Not my fav pink sleeper of her has blue spots on it. GRR!! My DH didn't understand why it bothered me so much, but he went and tried to get the color out and washed it again. Such a nice DH...trying to fix my crappy week.

But onto the newest news...we're heading back to Chicago. We leave today, sometime after noon when we're all ready. L slept thru the night again (First time was last Wednesday, the night of May 17th) and she's sleeping yet again after her morning feeding, so I think Grandma wore her out last night. We had gone to the races and my mom took her to a graduation for our distant cousin and by the way mom said it, I think she got passed around quite a bit. She did cry a little though, made me sad when I called the check on her and she was crying in the background. She missed her mommy!!

Oh, and she rolled over for the first time too since I last posted. She did that on Friday night, May 12th, after we got home from having dinner with my parents. We had her on the floor on her tummy and all of a sudden she just got half of her boddy over, then wiggled for a minute, then went all the way over. I think she scared herself b/c she started to whimper, but then calmed down. She's since done it for my parents and grandparents as well as our friend Anna. YAY, my baby rolls- YIKES!

Well, off to get something done before we leave. I want to look through my PIS Advance stuff so I can pack it along too. Plus, DH wants to get the rest of the garden in before we go, so this may be a challenge today.

Joined: 01/17/05
Posts: 75

Crappy day, crappy week, crappy month!!

Just got home from my parents house and DH says we can't go to DQ with them b/c we have to make a mortgage payment later tonight. WTF?!? I hate talking about money...why does he have to scare me with this? I know we need money, but I didn't think it was this bad. I think he should talk to his boss about getting a raise. He will have been there a year on Wednesday so I think it's about time. He's one of the top mechanics and he's getting paid crap. OK, enough rambling, it's just not been a good day.

Joined: 01/17/05
Posts: 75

It is so fun to read on the board how other babies are growing and doing things. I enjoy hearing how other's babies are...but I love to compare Lily to them. We had a thread that talked about how baby is copying us...well L is copying me and my DH like crazy! It's like she's a little sponge, b/c there are days when she will just sit on my lap watching my face and mouth for movements. Then she'll watch us, how we act, then will do the same thing.

So I better write it here before I forget it all. Lily has said "mama" already. I am going to put it down as Wednesday, July 26th since that was the day DH was home sick and we know we heard it that day. WOW! My little stinker is really learning- DH always tells her to say mama when she's hungry.

And she stands up too! She hates sitting with help, if your fingers are there then she'll want to stand. She's even taking steps when she wants to get places now. Before it was just when daddy had her and she was hungry and I was across the livingroom, now it's whenever she wants to go somewhere.

Her rolling is crazy too! She hasn't quite mastered the art of getting her bum and her head off the ground at the same time yet, but she's rolling to get places. If I put her down on the blanket, she'll be off the blanket and into something she can't have as soon as I turn my back. She even got "in trouble" yesterday when she was playing with the vent on the floor. We said "No touch" three times, then she got the firm "NO" and was moved away from it. Ha...2 minutes later she was right back to it, so we just got up and left for the Fish Fry.

I was supposed to have Drea today, but Anna called awhile ago and said they had water in their basement from the AC unit, so she wouldn't be bringing Drea over. Bummer! When you plan for that stuff, it's kinda hard not to get bummed when the plans change.

Well, off to bed again, since I have plenty of time to catch up on my lost sleep. Yay...more time with Lily when she's not mobile!!

Joined: 01/17/05
Posts: 75

OK, so it's been awhile since I last posted in my journal. It's been a crazy and frustrating last month. DH has grown to hate his job...again...so that's made it all the more "FUN" to be at home. He hates working more hours for less money than he was getting before, so I know that's causing all the stress...plus not being home with his daughter. His boss is supposedly a "family man" but doesn't act like it. DH is going to ask him for 1 afternoon a month off. He already has to work a half day on Saturdays, which is more than he was working before. Hopefully this family man boss of his OK's this, or DH said he'd start looking for a new job.

The other big news...DH and I had a preggo scare. I call it a scare b/c we aren't ready for another one...not yet. I didn't get another dose of the Depo shot at the end of July when I was due. DH and I hadn't been preventing b/c of the BF'ing and b/c I didn't really think I could get preggo that fast after getting off the shot. Well, I started feeling like crap 2 weeks ago, just tired, cranky, etc. My OB had me get a blood test to check my iron and metabolism...both can get wacky after a baby, I guess. Both came back negative/normal/OK. So...I took a preggo test and it came back negative too. OK....so I am still at a loss...nothing "wrong" with me, not preggo, just simple spotting- nothing really major like it normally was. So I went on vacation with Dh and Lily, no answers, still tired all the time, just plain nasty.

I talked to a friend who thought I could have had a false negative. THANKS, that's JUST what I wanted to hear. I want to get another preggo test this week, but this morning when I went to the bathroom I noticed more blood than before. (Sorry, TMI) My back is killing me and I'm even more tired today than before, so I'm just hoping it's all the PMS symptoms coming back to haunt me. I used to be a horrible b*tch when I was PMS'ing, looks like I'll return to that now.

Even bigger BOO today is that DH went back to work. We've had him home for 10 days and it was heaven. At least he could help out with Lily. I didn't have to be with her constantly (although I was usually) and he could watch her and take care of her too. She turned into a Daddy's Girl while we were on vacay and even worse when we got home. Today is a BEARCAT day...all she wants is her daddy. The cold she's got, her hurting teeth, and the annoying shots pain is enough to top off the "I want my daddy" crying! She wants to be held, but when she realizes it's me, she's even more po'ed.

Oh yay...the queen is calling. Only 4 more hours till DH comes home...can I last...hopefully!

Joined: 01/17/05
Posts: 75

Wow, almost a month since my last post. What's been going on...hmmm, lots I guess.

I took another preggo test about a week after my last post. Again it was negative. Thank goodness! I was going crazy with worry, until the test came back neg. Now I'm figuring it was all hormones doubled up with starting L on cereal and possibly getting my period back. No more spotting after she went back to eating more often.

I had a birthday on Sept 20th...now I'm the big 24. Whoop-de-do! DH bought me roses, the hard-floor attachment to my steam cleaner (Very romantic- HA!), a snowman wooden thingy for the entryway, and Lily's birth stone in a necklace! YAY!! I got jewelry!!!! Now I have to figure out what he wants for his birthday...which is Monday.

Oops, ran out of time again!

Joined: 01/17/05
Posts: 75

I'm not ready for L to grow up. She's already pulling herself up on things. NO!!

Joined: 01/17/05
Posts: 75

My GOSH is time flying with Lily! It seems like every day she is doing something different. She started 4 legged crawling around 7 1/2 months and started pulling herself up around that time too. OMG! She is such a sponge too! DH and I sing "I love you yeah yeah yeah" to her daily and she just watches our mouths. A month or so ago she actually started to make the same sounds and now she'll attempt to sing it back when we're done. Her kisses are SO cute, they're open mouth back and forth kisses across your cheek, but now she's attempting open mouth on-your-lips kisses too. Is she picking up how DH and I kiss? (Not always open mouth though Wink )

I think she's getting her 3rd tooth too. She has been ultra crabby lately and just yesterday she let me look in her mouth. On top I saw a white spot with the black-ish line in the center, so that means another is on the way. THANK GOODNESS! Maybe she'll go back to sleeping through the night since we've been trying to let her CIO.

Last night she ate off me and then had almost 4 ounces of a bottle around 9, but was awake till 10, so I stuck her in the crib and let her cry. Took her about a half hour with DH checking on her every couple minutes. We just needed to sleep since we've both been running on empty since we can remember. He won't let her go to my parents to stay b/c "WE made her, she's OUR responsibility". I get his reasoning, but DANG, I Need a break! SO...we started letting her CIO and she's down from 3-4 waking periods at night to just 1 the past few nights. She's also getting up at 6:30 and that's not cool with me, so this morning I stuck her back in her crib when she woke up. DH will sometimes take her when he gets up so then she's awake, but that's what usually gets her up and keeps her awake. Today I just fed her and then held to get her semi-sleepy again, then put her back in her crib and let her cry. Ended up taking less than 5 minutes this time.

OK, enough babbling, she's sleeping so I should be too. I've got to write more later, there's so much to get out but not enough time to do it.

Joined: 01/17/05
Posts: 75

SERIOUSLY SHUT UP!!!!!

OMG, there is one woman on prg.org that just won't shut up! It's driving me insane! All she does is post stupid crap, posts pics all the time, or just bi*ches about the dumbest crap! SHUT UP, WOULD YOU!!! I can't get over it, it's like salt in a wound. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK, enough negative crap, on to the good stuff. 3 of my friends who've had babies around the time that Lily was born are getting together tomorrow night. I've volunteered to bring apple dip and bread and cheese. I'm also bringing a bottle of wine, but only 2 of us are the real wine drinkers, and even we don't go all out wine-o. It should be fun though, since we're getting our pics back from our kids' photo shoot 2 weeks ago. They all wore long-sleeved white onesies and denim overalls, barefoot. They turned out SOOO good, I'm anxious to get them back.

Lily has learned to clap or patty cake this weekend. We were at a friend's b-day party and the friend said "Yay Lily" and clapped, then Lily clapped too! She hasn't stopped clapping since, I'm so excited and happy for her. She also said "Uh oh" last night too. She was walking from my computer to the bathroom and dropped something, so I said Uh Oh. I took a drink of my OJ and she says "Uh Oh" in the CUTEST little voice. It warmed my heart, but almost made me chuck my juice thru my nose.

Oops, she wants me. More later!

Joined: 01/17/05
Posts: 75

Lily is such a sponge! OMG! Last night she stood up (with the help of a chair) and DANCED with DH. He had on a Jock Jams CD that he found and just started dancing in front of her. She started laughing and then all of a sudden was lifting her feet up and bobbing her head. I had to get out the camcorder, it was SO cute! And then after her dance session we all sat on the floor and played with the mini basketball. We rolled it to her and she scooped it right up! DH asked if she was going to be a goalie for the hockey team and she just gave him that cheesy smile of hers. It was TOO cute! She kind of rolled it back, but was more interested in picking it up. She even clapped when we picked it up. Funny girl!

I can't wait to get together tonight. I want to see our pics! I got the bread sliced last night and tossed in a baggie so it wouldn't dry out, and the dip is already done all I have to do is cut the apples. Not much happening during the day though, just cleaning and laundry. I like Wednesdays b/c I have (usually) nothing to do and that means more Lily & Me time.

On to Christmas...we drew names again this year. DH and I got BOTH of my brothers. Wow, talk about a hard draw. They are two of the hardest people to shop for since I never know what they need/want. We need to swap "Wish Lists" and might do that this weekend since we'll all be home for my mom's b-day. That should help things, a list, but sometimes it doesn't. Now I need to figure out what to get my hubby. He's almost harder to buy for than my brothers.

Queen needs me again, be back later!

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