Yikes, it's been awhile since I last journaled. The pics of the 4 babies turned out SOOOO good. I have yet to matte and frame them, but at least I have the frame ready for when I get the pics professionally matted.
L is learning up a storm this past month. She now says about a dozen consenant & vowel combinations. It's so cute what she's saying too...Doo Doo Doo to DH, of course the Ma Ma MA MA to me, and also babababa and Uh Oh, to name a few. She's dancing all the time now and even tries to sing with me.
We are going to put our tree up today. We've had it since last weekend, but it's rained or has been REALLY cold every day since then. Today I am just not giving a care and making DH bring it in anyway, even though the high is supposed to be 25. I want to get the lights on it at least by tonight, then maybe we'll do ornaments tomorrow sometime. We got an 8 foot tree from my brother's Christmas tree farm, but we plan on cutting the top off it b/c we don't have high enough ceilings to handle an 8 footer. I am hoping we can cut off enough to make it a 5 or 6 footer, that way it won't be TOO big and Lily can help put the angel on the top. We aren't decorating the bottom 1/3 in hopes that she can't play with it. Maybe the prickly needles will keep her away from it.
DH is working today...bummer. I need him to put the storm door on the house. I got home from my G'mas's on Thursday and was "iced out" of the house. Without a storm door any rain can get into the lock, which it did, and iced up. I couldn't get my key in b/c the tumbler was being pushed up by ice inside the lock. DH was lucky b/c he had a hair dryer in the tool box that still worked, so I at least could use that. It took awhile to get the crappy hair dryer to thaw out the ice enough to get my key to slide in, but at least it worked. I could have killed my DH!
Oh...my baby is getting curls! Whenever she sweats in her coat or snow suit, or when she needs a shower b/c it's been a day or two, her hair in the back will CURL! OMG, it's too cute! I just want to cut one off to keep her first curls. She's such a cutie!
Allrighty, I better get going if I'm going to get my card labels made and my livingroom ready for a tree by the time DH gets home. He's only working for another 3 hours, then a half hour drive home, but I haven't even gotten a shower yet. Wow, so much to do, so little time.
We got the tree up on Saturday afternoon, but didn't get the lights or ornaments on till last night. I put 2 strands of colored lights on yesterday morning, but decided I wanted another set on the tree. That was a process...Dh didn't want to help at all either. He was too busy doing crap on MY computer that he kept screwing up. He was on my comp for over an hour!
So the tree is up, sucking water like a hangover, but it's still beautiful and bright. I had DH hold onto L and help her put her ornament on first. It's the Precious Moments "Baby's First Christmas" ornament with train. SOOO cute! I'm glad I got it on video, she loves that ornament. Then I had DH hang up our special ornaments, like the ones from our honeymoon, the Precious Moments ones he got me from our first year together, the ones we got last year about being pregnant, the ones from Mt. Rushmore we got this year on L's first vacation...the really neat ones I hope to have forever.
Ugh, my little one is popping her 4th tooth. Her third just came through on Thanksgiving weekend, but it looks like #4 is on the way. She's turned into such a crabby pants. Oops, speaking of crabby pants...someone needs me.
Yay for Tylenol, Yay for Motrin, Yay for Baby Orajel, Yay for Teething Tablets! OMG, I think I'd just die if I didn't have at least one of these things! My poor baby is popping 2 of her uppers (already has one upper) at once! It's so sad, she's such a clingy little one right now, makes me sad to put her down and let her cry. I can't hold onto her all the time though, and that's not really healthy either. I can't sit on my butt 24 hours a day just b/c she wants me to, I have to get stuff done around the house or else I feel frumpy and worthless.
It's kinda cute...right now she's sitting between the chair and the loveseat with both arms on the recliner handles watching How the Grinch Stole Christmas. I put her down for her nap, then fell asleep on the chair in the LR, then heard her scream so I went to get her and we both conked out on the chair for about an hour. I decided to put her down on the floor in the pile of blanket and see if she would just wake up or if she'd sleep. She woke up, but that's where I found her after I went to get the laundry. She's now NAK, so she found me.
DH got some surround sound speakers from Best Buy yesterday. Well, he ordered them on Black Friday and just finally found out he could pick them up from the store instead of waiting for them to be delivered. So...he got them yesterday but we had a Christmas Party for the board I was elected to, so he couldn't dive into them till last night when we got home. Holy Crapballs they're huge! Well, not huge, but bigger than I expected, which sucks. I told him he could put them up ONLY if I got crown moulding to hide the wires. Now he's figured out a "grand plan" to drop the wires down through the basement and up the wall so we won't NEED crown moulding. SAM H#LL! That pisses me off! He goes and spends almost $600 bucks on speakers, a receiver, and a subwoofer and rejects the ONE freaking thing I request. If I had known this, I would have said H#LL NO to everything! I mean sheesh, it's not like we have a TON of money floating around anyway, I want to know where this all came from. Yeah he had some good hours the last few weeks, but this week has been ultra SH!TTY, so it would be nice to have back up funds, IYKWIM.
So DH and a friend of ours are going to attempt to install these bad boys tonight. DH calls me at 11 and "asks" if he can call him to help, but that I'd probably have to feed him. Well no Sh!t Sherlock, if he comes over at 5 and we all normally eat at 6-6:30, I suppose I will have to feed him. Not a big deal as I'm making DH pick up salad and breadsticks on his way home. All I'm making is Hamburger Helper...poor guy's gonna have heartburn all night, at least we all do.
OK, little Miss is attempting to step up on the Chrismas card box, I better go get her down before she hurts herself.
Thank goodness for popping teeth. Her fourth came in this weekend so hopefully I'll get my fun, sleeping baby back. She slept SO long yesterday! She woke up at 7:30, went back down for a nap around 9-9:30, then up for a couple hours to eat lunch and play, then back down for a nap between 2-5 (DH and I slept during this time too, so I lost track of when she actually slept) and then got up for dinner and more play time plus a bath, then back down between 9-9:30. She slept till 5:30 this morning, ate, then went back to bed till 7:45. YAY for sleep!!
She's being a crazy crabby pants now though, don't know what her deal is. I can see another white spot on her gums, so I'm hoping it's not another tooth already!
I just want to cry! My little girl is growing up so fast! She wants to walk now, mainly with the help of one hand, but she just GOES when she gets help. UGH! I don't want my baby to grow up so fast!
I got my un-lucky friend back on Christmas Eve. Merry Christmas, huh. DH thinks it means it's time to try for #2. I'm like NOPE, not a chance. I want to be able to appreciate and have have fun with our first baby. She's growing up so fast anyway, I don't want to miss anything!
Now we're planning her first birthday party. 26 people, all but 3 are immediate family members. We have a theme and I'm super excited b/c I can get it at the local party outlet store. I found it online, but had already spotted it in the store a few months ago. YAY!
She popped her 5th tooth the Tuesday before Christmas. We were in Chicago and she was just fussy all the time. We couldn't figure it out till I put my finger in her mouth and she just went to town gnawing on it. The next day...sure enough the tooth was popped through. I've been hoping her teething escapades have stopped for awhile, but especially now since she started sleeping through the night. She gave me my Christmas wish on Christmas Eve...a full night's sleep.
Ok, she's wanting her mother again...sounds like a nap is coming.
OMG, my baby girl just took her first steps! She's a little over 10 months now and has been "standing" on her own for a few seconds for the past 3 weeks. My baby girl is growing up! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! We are planning her birthday party and it makes me sad to think she won't be a baby any more. Well, she isn't really even a baby now, she's such a big girl learning new things and trying out everything. We call her Lily Knievel, since she's such a dare devil.
Grr!! My grandma gave DH and I some cherry dessert bars that have nuts in them. Me being the idiot that I am, decided to have one before dinner. (That should deter me from eating before dinner now, but it probably won't.) I bit into it and I felt a *crunch*. OH CRAP! I think I might have chipped a tooth! UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We don't have dental insurance, so it's not like I can just go to the dentist to get this looked at for anything less than $80. Plus, my poor girl is teething up a storm right now, worse than any of her previous teeth. Snotty nose running all the time, eyes watering, mouth just a faucet of drool, and CONSTANTLY whining and needing to be held. Yay for teeth, huh!
Today is just another day for us around here. Unfortunately, I know it's not normal or ordinary for someone else. I feel horrible for J and T. I don't know whether you call it sympathetic or empathetic or just plain being a mom and feeling bad for a fellow mom. I can't get them and their little baby girl out of my mind today. I was looking through my picture files and came across the blinkies I had during the past year. Here are a couple of them:
I feel so bad for them and feel bad for their loss. K was such a fighter for such a long time, I can't help but hurt for J and T, that they never got to hold their baby girl.
I sat with my own daughter this morning and just held her. I was thinking, what if the tables had been reversed. Had I neglected to stop and smell the roses enough this past year? She is growing up SO fast, but what if I hadn't even gotten to spend the entire past 11 months with her, that she was just a memory and faded dreams.
Sorry, I'll have to finish later...
I'm so confused right now...
DH and I are wanting to "wait" to DTD/BD/TTC until after June 5. That was Lily's conception date, so we were thinking/hoping for another sometime AFTER her B-Day, hopefully not between Christmas and Feb 28th.
Well...it's really looking doubtful right now that we'll be able to wait. We DTD during the right stage (CM-wise) and last week I spotted for about 24 hours, nothing too major. For the past few days I've been a bit nauseas too. No boob tingling, just nausea, exhaustion, and eating like crazy. Last week I was super bitchy, but I think it was b/c I was too tired and no one would help. I'm still tired, but have almost gotten used to it.
On Tuesday night DH and I dtd and then shortly afterwards I had this EXTREME pain. DH was freaking, thinking I might have Appendicitis. I talked to a close friend and she told me that's how a friend of her's found out she was preggo. This friend of her's went to the ER b/c of side pains and they told her to go home, it was gas, and she was preggo. OK, I'm a crazy woman when it comes to stuff like that, but is that a sign?!?
Then last night I was laying in bed and felt a wierd feeling in my "baby" tummy area. Probably just gas, but I still said a few words of encouragement to myself. Oh yeah, I POAS yesterday morning, but it was a BFN. I'm not sure when my cycle is supposed to end, some months it's on the 24th, others end on a later date like the 28th. I told myself I'm going to wait till next Wednesday to test again is AF hasn't shown up yet. Wish me luck to wait that long...I'm not a patient person.
(And if you're reading this from Lily's birth board, PLEASE don't ask about it on there. I would rather spring the news to everyone at once, IF we are even preggo, IYKWIM.)
SKIP ALMOST A WHOLE YEAR!!!
Wow, it really HAS been a whole year since I last posted. We weren't pregnant last time and I really don't think we are this time too. Oops, back the truck up, I better give a little bit of background.
DH and I have been TTC basically since AF showed up in Dec 2006. Well, haven't really been preventing, is more like it, TTC whenever we can. This past Dec I decided it was about freaking time, we haven't gotten preggo for over a year and my OB had said to call him when we had been done BF'ing for 3 months, which would have been September. I thought we would have been pg by Dec, so I decided to call him when we weren't.
He put me on Clomid, 50 mg, the first month, which was the mid to end of Feb. I went in for my follicle check and there were 2 follicles approx 1.9 in size. Same size, same "shape", same side. I grow them on my left side and not my right. So DH and I had to decide if we wanted to BD and possibly have twins. We went ahead with it and were actually OK with the idea. The following week after I O'ed DH and I ended up with a horrible flu/stomach virus/gastro bug. It was absolutely HORRIBLE!! Luckily DD didn't get it! I came down with it on Monday night and ended up in the hospital on Friday morning to get IV fluids and anti-nausea meds. They tested me in the ER for prg and OF COURSE it was neg, I was only at most 8 DPO!
So I start to get better over the weekend and then went to my parents on Sunday for an early Easter dinner. I started to spot lightly that morning but it was never very heavy or even pantiliner worthy. I thought "Wo HOO, this may be implantation bleeding!" I started spotting more, and a brighter red, on Monday and Tuesday, but still nothing AF worthy. I poas on Wed...BFN. I called the OB and he had me come in on Friday for a blood test, also BFN. So, onto another round of Clomid, 100 mg this time.
Instead of taking it days 3-7, I was taking it 5-9 since he, my OB, thought my spotting on Monday/Tuesday was my AF. I went in with just Lily this time for a follicle check and found ONLY ONE this time, but it was 2.1 in size, so bigger than the last 2 were. YAY!! No needing to worry, no needing to wrack our brains thinking about twins, etc! This time when I poas on a OPK it isn't so *blaringly positive* like it was the last time. Maybe because there was double the amount of hormone since there were 2 follicles/eggs, and this time there was only 1, I don't know. So I REALLY had to second guess the tests. I called the Dr and he said to go with the "maybe positive" I had the day before as my surge and BD like crazy the next few nights.
That brings us to now. As I'm reading the above post, I'm feeling dejected. I don't think I will be pregnant this time, even though we did it at all the right times, we supposedly got the OPK positive, and I haven't been sick with a flu this time. I've got some wicked symptoms this time though, like a hellacious back ache starting this past Wed (Net says a backache in early pregnancy is a sign of increased Progesterone- the thing I didn't have enough of last time to sustain our twins) so I'm cautiously optimistic on that symptom. Otherwise I've had slight waves of nausea (didn't get till 5+ weeks with Lily), major frontal cramping, really tired, and wierd eating habits/patterns. I also noticed a "full or bloated abdomen" feeling Wednesday night and Thursday. I have ONE more FRER and supposedly AF is supposed to show in Wednesday at the latest. I am trying to hold out till then. A girlfriend just offered one of her sticks but if I see a BFN and know it may be too early, I think I'll have a moo moo. Oh yeah, slight boob twinges, but nothing to write home about, IYKWIM.
So that's where I'm at right now...waiting till Wednesday to test if AF doesn't show before or I don't start spotting. If you're reading this, please pray that our 15 months of TTC will actually end in a BFP for our family!
I just got off the phone with my DH. He had a meeting with his co-workers and boss today and said "it's not good, I'm still trying to cool off". I asked him flat out if he got fired and he said no. OK, so if he's not fired (which they have no reason to, but these people are stinking idiots) then what is it? I asked him that and he couldn't answer me, he had to go back to work.
I'm so annoyed with his job!!!! They are freaking morons in every sense of the word, making HIS life suck, and then it trickles on down to me. I'm the one who gets worked up! I know he can't sleep, but neither can I! I've been on edge about TTC and now THIS!?! What in the H#LL ELSE is there to have to deal with??? Oh yeah, MONEY!
Looks like DH will be looking elsewhere for a job starting tomorrow!
Turns out his meeting wasn't as bad as I thought it was...but bad enough nonetheless. He's still working there, but is also still coming home in a depressed state and always leaves in the same "I really don't want to go" mindframe. I wish he could find another job that paid him the same as where he is now, but no one can pay him that much. He's too good at what he does, unless he works for the corporate office, he can't get any higher.
As for our TTC journey...I'm still here. AF feels like she's coming tomorrow. My back aches tonight and I've had more abdominal cramping today. *TMI* I've got a lot more CM lately, but my other symptoms are decreasing or dropping off totally. Thank goodness I got my hair done and eyebrows waxed yesterday or I'd feel totally crappy when she gets here. I leave for Vegas on Monday for a few days, hoping it would be a great "Girls Week", but one of the women told me last night that she's pregnant. Nope, won't be a fun time for me, but I'll sure try. If I can drink, you know I will be doing LOTS of it.
Pray for no AF tomorrow and maybe a positive blood test if I get one done tomorrow. I'll have to call the Dr in the morning if she doesn't show up. I just want my BFP!
So we took this month "off" with the Clomid thing. AF showed on Friday the 18th, much to both DH's and my disappointment, so we started over. That's the worst part, the starting over. I decided I couldn't do "it" anymore, with "it" being Clomid. I was so UP and so down all throughout the month, it was just getting to be too much. The same can be said with this month, but at least I'm already halfway through the TWW and I'm not counting myself in or out. I'm trying not to even think about symptoms this time.
So it's Mother's Day today and for some reason, even though I am already a mother, I am taking "slight offense" to a comment I heard/read today. Someone said "Happy Mother's Day to all the newly expectant mothers" and for some reason, I want to cry. It's taken DH and I over 16 months of TTC to get to where we are today and yet, there's not BFP to show for all the hard work. Then this person says THAT, not meaning anything by it, and it just sends me over the edge. I mean, why would you exclude all the BTDT moms, just b/c it's a preggo thought. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know, it's a dumb vent and dumb pity party for 1, but it's still MY vent and pity party. When you're doing this for as long as I have (TTC, took awhile with our first one too) it really starts to sting. Just like when I hear of other people getting BFP's...it just stings. I'm happy for them, but just not happy with our situation.
OK, have a GREAT Mother's Day everyone who is a mommy right now and good luck to those of you silently praying to become a mom in the next year. Love & Hugs to all of you!