Well, it's officially official. I have a ring!
I wouldn't allow Ryan to officially propose until he'd gotten my dad's blessing. The proposal wasn't anything I could have even vaguely saw coming! We were headed out the door to take Ryan to work. He was in his security uniform (Have Mercy!) and I was in my sweats and a tee shirt and just grunging for the day. So when he got down on one knee to propose, I was completely caught off guard and I felt my face flushing! But there he knelt, telling me how much he loves me and how he never dreamed God would give him the opportunity to do this again. Then he said that he is so thankful that God brought me into his life and how thankful he is that God did. And then he asked me if I would do him the honor of becoming his wife.
"Will you marry me?" he asked.
Ok, this is the moment in the story where I'd like to tell you that I made him wait forever and ever for an answer, but of course I didn't. I nodded my head yes with tears in my eyes but he wouldn't take that for an answer. He said I had to say yes. So I said yes and then found out the news that made this special moment bittersweet.
Ryan has tried to honor my request and honor my father by asking his permission. But my dad wouldn't talk to him and wouldn't call him back. He's tried several times. That news left me disappointed in my dad. But knowing that this is the man God has called me to minister with, I can't let my dad's stubbornness have an effect on my life. So Thanksgiving day we're letting my folks know that we're getting married and Ryan is then going to ask my dad to honor the both of us by walking me down the aisle on our wedding day. But thinking that this possibly not might happen is what makes the tears well up in my eyes. I mean, you have a dream when you're a little girl of what your wedding day is supposed to look like. I didn't have a wedding at all the first time around. But knowing this is my last time getting married because this is the man I've been waiting for as a helpmeet my entire 30 years of life, I want it to be special. But, as is the norm for me, I'm telling my Heavenly Father about this hurt, and I trust that He'll work this out or bring another man into the picture that will do me this honor.
In the meantime, I'm watching my soon-to-be husband grow more and more every day in the Lord. I'm amazed that he's become such a strong man of God! I never thought I'd be marrying a Preacher, and yet here I am. We started counseling last week, which at first felt like we were going to sit in the Principal's office at school. I am so thankful for our Spiritual Father (our Pastor) who is taking the time to make certain our marriage will be based on a solid foundation.
And ya know....when I met Ryan in February of this year, I had no idea of the love story God was going to write for us and how fast He would bring us together to further the work of the Kindom. I'm still amazed.
Ok, for those of you out there who are spiritually minded, can you answer this question for me? How do I submit and yield my very stubborn, strong-willed self to God's plan for my life? Furthermore, how do I see submisison as an equal part with my spouse, and not as me beneath him? How do I not allow all the men from my past to stop me from letting two people who love me very much and care about my spiritual growth into my life, and take their correction without shutting down and wanting to run?
This is just one of those places in my life where it feels like a trial. Hmmm. I don't know.
Court went well today. Ryan's girls will be home just before the end of the year. His ex wife's parental rights are officially terminated as of the 20th of November due to abandonment. We're praising God for the fact that they're going to be home a lot sooner than we could have imagined.
What do you do to encourage your husband that you are so proud of him, when he feels like his life does not have any direction?
I got a temporary job with the Salvation Army working in the office but it's only through Christmas. Thankfully, that means my rent will be covered for November and December, but after that, who knows? Ten job interviews and no job. I just don't get it. And what about Christmas for my kids? Who knows how they will have one. I just don't have the $ to do it this year, and I hate that....
I just know I'm feeling very unsettled right now...like things are about to change, but I'm not sure of when or how. God, what are you up to here?
Add two more blessings to my life. My soon to be DH got a new job with normal business hours, a huge plus for our family. Yay God Our wedding date moved up from March 29, 2008 to January 1, 2008 That's a lot to handle in a short amount of time, but this is the way God wants it. So here I go!
Ryan and Rachael
Parents to Chase, Abby, Hunter, Rachel, Caleb, Hannah & Nate
~Remembering sweet baby Oliver, born to Heaven October 20, 2009, & keeping Carole in our prayers~
Ryan ended up keeping his job, because God gave him incredible favor with his bosses. He is working a 3-11 shift now and off on Wednesdays and Sundays so he can fulfill his pastoral duties at church. Good news for me too. Towards the end of this month I will be the official church secretary and paid to do it. No more job searching, thank goodness! We've bought Ryan a couple of suits and I bought his ring. We're about ready for the wedding, thank goodness. I'm so exhausted and crankry right now. I'm so ready for all of this to be over.
Last edited by ShiningLight; 12-06-2007 at 08:38 PM.
Who knew that you could end up discussing things like your mouth and colon in a marriage counseling session? I found out today, you CAN. We were talking about how to help Ryan loose about 50 lbs or so. He's 6'2", so that should put him around 200, a healthier weight. Our pastor is a health nut and was explaining how mouth health is so important because what goes in, must come out eventually. Yeah. I was in that in between phase of laughing hysterically and wanting to crawl under the folding chair I was sitting in from a sense of being mortified. lol Thankfully, one more session and we can get a $5 marriage license. Woo whoo!
I'm still exhausted. Wish I'd been able to take a nap today. Instead we went to a church member's gym and signed up. $30/month isn't bad for the two of us. So I start Ryan on a regimin of running tomorrow. This oughtta be fun!
20 days to go...and I'm not so sure I'm ready to be married again. There are so many what if's that are going through my mind. I mean, once we're married, there is no divorce. I'm stuck with this man for the rest of my life. Perhaps it's just stress. With the ice storms and along with it a tree knocking down power and phone lines, and day 3 of no power...and DHS once again has my case screwed up...and Ryan and I seem to have hit a brick wall when it comes to certain things that we've discussed in marriage counseling...and this baby on the way...and the worry that comes with this (my doc's office has been closed for 3 days b/c of the weather and I need to get on progesterone pronto-I've never been on it this late!) I hope this is just cold feet...right? I'm spending a few days away from him because I am seriously freaked out about this...and why is it when we discuss things...I'm venting my stress and he seems to think I don't appreciate him...it's like we're on two different pages. Huh?!?! Where are we not hearing each other? *scratches head* And finals...OMG. Finals. With no extension because of the weather and not having classes for two days either. Argh.
The past week has brought so many changes to my life, and to the life of that of my future husband. Some I've fought against, but in the end, I had to realize that this is not about what Rachael wants. It's about what God's will is for my life. Learning to become submitted to that hasn't been easy.
Ryan made the decision that we aren't ready to be married yet. Except that he told me it was the Pastor who changed the date again...which hurt me and caused some friction, but we've worked through that. I've learned that I'm a very strong-willed woman and I bought a great book called The Strong-Willed Wife by Debbie Cherry. This book was a complete eye-opener for me. Strong willed women have in common some of the following traits:
1. We are superwomen who can't say no to a task and even though we've accomplished all 101 tasks on our list for the day, we feel like we've accomplished nothing really. This leads to us feeling burnt out in the end.
2. As wives, we are commanded to submit to our husbands as to the LORD. When we don't submit to our husbands (and submission, by the way, isn't a dirty word), we show Christ our attitude towards him and by our actions, show Him how we would treat him if He was standing right in the room with us. Yeah. OUCH!
3. Strong-willed women marry either a strong-willed man or a passive man. I'm marrying a passive man, which frustrates me, because as a strong-willed wife, it's difficult to submit to a man who doesn't want to make decisions for himself. It almost feels like a parent-child relationship at times. Passive men don't like this and strong-willed women want a husband they can submit to. One issue I know we need to work on in counseling.
4. Strong-willed women don't want to look at themselves or their faults. They want to look at other's faults.
I know there's more, but I'd have to reread that book many times over to remember all the important lessons I learned from its pages. But finally, I can say that I'm on the right path to allowing my husband to lead. For me, it's difficult not to point out those things that I need for him to change in order for me feel comfy with us getting married. I've prayed about them, and God's told me to focus on me changing and let Him worry about Ryan. So I'm going to let God do what he does best and sit back and wait.
So who knows when we'll be married? I know we will before August of next year...but at this point, with the date moving 3 times, I am down to planning for a simple private ceremony that involves us, our pastor, our parents, the kids and two witnesses. It's too much stress to keep moving things around.
Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me. 31 years old. I just turned 30 like yesterday, didn't I? Well, at least it feels that way.
I got a lot of white stuff for my birthday...snow, that is. Other than that, we watched the kids open Christmas presents.
I wish January 3rd would get here so I could have this ultrasound and know definitively when I'm due and how the baby or babies are doing.
I'm thrilled to say...we have a h/b!
But here's the thing....do you all see down on the lower right? I swear to you all, there was a flickering hb in that spot. Both Ryan and I asked the technician and she said it was just maternal blood vessels. There's no way. Everyone I've shown the picture to was asking which one was the baby. What do you gals think? I have another u/s in a month, so we'll see then. The hb we got was a strong 180 and I'm now due 8/18/08.
On another note, we met with the pastor yesterday and we're now getting married on January 16th at 5:30.